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The sheets move, and the springs on the other side of the bed squeak, waking El just enough to be aware of the movement in the room.
They'd left the windows shuttered overnight, but now light was filtering in through the cracks. Just enough to wake El the rest of the way, and just enough to make out everything within the small inn room.
Nothing more in it than the bed, a small dresser, the washbasin, and the creaky little chair that clothes and their things were piled in.
It was quieter than El had thought mornings in the downtown district of Heliodor would be, but he wasn't complaining.
He heard Erik rummaging through the mountain of junk they'd left on the chair, trying to sort out what was his and what belonged to El.
He could take his time.
El had intended to be back home in Cobblestone by now, since his little meet with Jade and Carnelian was over, but…
Well. He hadn't given any concrete time for everyone to expect him home by, so there wasn't exactly going to be a search party setting out.
He had the luxury of sleeping in, now.
And he wasn't the only one it seemed.
He'd hardly expected to run into Erik in Heliodor of all places. But it was a happy surprise, at least after he got over the momentary heart attack that came with hearing someone yell about the Darkspawn.
So Erik thought he was funny.
But the less than tasteful joke aside, it was wonderful to see Erik again, to take the time to catch up.
Sylvando passed through all the time, and as did Serena. Jade and Rab lived here in Heliodor now, so it was only Erik that he hadn't seen since they split up initially back… actually, El didn't actually know how long it had been.
Too long, clearly.
El rolled onto his back now that there was plenty of room, and stared up at the floating specks of dust that were being tossed around in the bit of light.
Way too long. Too long for El to want to risk Erik vanishing off to who knows where again so soon.
"Hey, Erik?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are you heading next?"
"Hmm…" Erik paused to think. "I don't really know yet. I guess I'll find out."
That was it? Not even so much as a direction? "Why don't you come by Cobblestone for a few days? Get some proper rest."
"I'd love to," Erik said, and El was already making plans. They had an inn there now. It was really tiny, just a few rooms, but it would be enough for - "But I don't think your village would appreciate an entire pirate crew crashing in."
Oh. Right. He had mentioned them, hadn't he?
He didn't offer another alternative, and Erik didn't continue on anyway.
Why was he so closed off?
Did he just feel awkward?
El could understand that at least but…
Maybe it was soulmark stuff.
That he could also understand. More or less.
Everyone wants to find their soulmate, the one that matches their mark.
Little flings didn't not happen just because there was some perfect match out there, and of course plenty of couples lived perfectly happily together even though they didn't match up… but maybe Erik was just the kind that didn't want to waste time and emotional attachment while he waited on his.
Why would he settle for someone else when he had his soulmate out there somewhere?
El wouldn't begrudge him that.
Though it would upset him. Just a little. But if that was it then it didn't matter. Either way El didn't want to completely lose him. If he could just move on and start a more normal conversation…
El sat up, and saw Erik in front of the dresser, pulling himself together.
But what he focused on was the huge, intricate tattoo that took up the upper half of his back.
It was a bird. Maybe a crow? It was hard to tell. But the wings stretched out over his shoulder blades, feathers spread out, and lines of ink swirling in the negative space, marking out every little detail. The tail stretched down to his mid-back, and fanned out wide. He couldn't imagine how long it must've taken to finish.
He'd seen the tattoo before, multiple times. But when he'd first noticed it, it hadn't been long after their jump off the falls, and El hadn't really been in any frame of mind to think anything of it, not when everything else had come crashing down.
Any time after that it caught his eye, he'd still decided against making any comments. After all, he didn't want to seem like he was staring.
But now didn't seem like a bad time to ask about it. If for no other reason than to break the silence.
"I like your tattoo." El said. Surely that'd be enough to get Erik to respond.
He could ask when he got it. If it meant something. If he was considering getting any others. If-
"Tattoo?" Erik paused for a moment, and his tunic remained where it was draped over the back of the chair. "Ah," what El meant seemed to click, and Erik raised one hand. His fingers brushed over the feather-like designs, then came up to the nape of his neck. "Thanks, but… it's not a tattoo."
It's not? El was about to ask what it was then when it dawned on him. He should've continued to ignore its existence. "Oh," El was again caught on what to say, "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be."
Even with how varied soulmarks were between each individual whether that meant size or shape, if the design was abstract, simple, or if it resembled something real, there was one thing that was a constant between them all.
Color.
Every mark was just a few shades lighter or darker than the skin tone around them, with just one exception.
When your soulmate dies, the mark turns as black as ink.
Between what had happened to Mia and this… it was no wonder that Erik seldom ever spoke of his home.
It was quiet again, but Erik hadn't continued to redress.
El wasn't going to pry. He wouldn't ask Erik to relive anything he didn't need to, or to dredge up any unpleasant memories.
"You can ask if you want to." Erik said, turning around to lean against the dresser and to face El. He really didn’t seem upset in the slightest. "I don't mind. Really."
It took a moment for El to decide that Erik was being honest. He'd always go along with what El or any of their friends decided to do, but he wouldn't ever hold back his opinions. He spoke his mind, and if he wanted El to keep his nose out of his past, he would just say so. "You've never spoken of them." El noted. All their time of traveling, and Erik had never once mentioned the soulmate he had clearly lost. Even if he'd grieved and moved on, surely they would still take up place in his mind. Surely he'd be reminded of them from time to time? At least enough to be mentioned. Remembered. Or maybe it was recent history. Still too fresh. But no matter which it was, "Why is that?"
"I don't talk about them because I never knew them." Erik shrugged, staring at the floor but seeing something far away. "It's been black for as long as I can remember. Mia's is the same way." He blinked, coming back to himself, and looked El in the eye. "We just assume that they died when the vikings raided our village and took us. It's not an answer but it's what we have."
"I'm sorry." It wasn't much, but he didn't really know what else to say. But maybe -
El pushed himself up off the bed and walked over to meet Erik, drawing him into a tight bear hug before he even had time to notice that he'd moved.
Erik just laughed at him, and pushed him back just enough so that his face wasn't completely buried in El's collarbone. "I'm fine, really. I'm sad to think about what must've happened to them, but I don't really care that I don't have a soulmate anymore. What's the point in getting caught up in all the fuss? I'm happy just being me."
"Still-"
"Mia says she's not about the whole romance thing in the first place. She doesn't mind, either." Erik told him, "so don't go and start pitying me for it, okay?"
"I wouldn't." El promised. It wasn't as though he had much room-
"And what about you?" Erik asked as El let him go. He went to sit on the edge of the bed, crossing one leg over the other. "What kind of mark does our special hero have?"
"You've seen it."
Erik raised one eyebrow. "Have I?"
El held up his hand and gestured toward his mark of light.
"Don't get smart." Erik said, "you know what I meant."
"Did you see any other mark on me?" El asked him.
Erik was brilliant. El knew that. Even if sometimes it took him a moment to catch on. "I think I was a little too distracted to go hunting for your soulmark."
El held out his arms and slowly turned in a circle. "See it now?"
"See what?" Erik asked, chin resting on the palm of his hand and his eyes cast right where they didn't need to be at that exact moment in time.
"Keep your eyes where they belong." El was trying to be serious, here.
Erik did as he asked, and met El's eyes again, hardly concerned about anything going on. "You're the one who hasn't put his pants on."
Okay. Well, if Erik wasn't going to puzzle it out himself… "I don't have one."
That caught him off guard. "You don't?" Erik sat up a little straighter, his expression turning to something much more concerned than it had been before.
El shrugged, and let his hand drop back down to his side. "It's really just this."
"So there's someone else out there with Yggie's mark?"
El shook his head. "I don't really think Yggdrasil would let anyone but Her hero have this one." He had no proof of that, but… it really didn't stand to reason that a one-of-a-kind special mark that only showed up once in a lifetime would appear on two people at once.
"So you don't have a soulmate." Erik asked, just to clarify.
"I guess I don't."
"So why did you get so upset about mine if Yggie's decided She wants you celibate?" Erik asked. It sounded like a joke. It was said like a joke. But El answered him all the same.
"Because…" El stopped, and stared at the back of his hand. He thought about the small mark Gemma had on her shoulder blade. It was indistinct, a dozen different ways to look at it and a dozen different ways to interpret it. He remembered sitting around doing nothing just a handful of years ago and talking back and forth for hours. What kind of person would they be? How would they meet? What was El's mark supposed to resemble? "Because before this one started glowing I thought it was a soulmark. I thought I'd leave Cobblestone someday and meet them. Or maybe that they'd travel though and stay."
Then they both climbed the Tor. His mark started glowing.
He came home. He was told what it really was. There was nothing else anywhere on his body.
It wasn't everything. He'd had time to come to terms with the fact he didn't have someone who shared that little bit with him. But those first few weeks… to suddenly know you didn't actually have the thing you spent years and years daydreaming about…it wasn't a pleasant feeling.
It didn't compare to what he'd assumed Erik had gone through, but… he could at least sympathize.
Things quiet down a bit after that, but it was just for a moment, while Erik thought about what he had said, and what El had shared.
While he was busy lost in his own thoughts, El went ahead and decided to get dressed as well.
He didn't wear his purple duster anymore. Or anything he made or picked up on the road for that matter. Instead, he started wearing more traditional Cobblestonian attire again. It was more comfortable in the weather back home, and it helped drive home the fact that he wasn't ever planning on taking up any royal or royal-adjacent duties. Ever.
As he pulled the dark green undershirt on, Erik finally decided on what to say.
"What do you think you'll do?" Erik asked, then quickly tried and failed to elaborate. "About your mark? Or… your lack of - actually I think I'm just going to shut up."
"You're fine." El smiled. He wasn't offended. He didn't have one, it was a reasonable question to ask. And Erik didn't mean it in any dishonest way. "And… I don't really know."
He didn't think much about it anymore. It was actually a lot better that way. He wasn't thinking about someone else's future. Just his. He thought about where he'd be once he found a reason to leave Cobblestone on his own. He thought about inviting Gemma along so she could see the world. Maybe she'd find her mark along the way.
But for his own… he was sure he'd be able to meet someone who didn't care one way or the other if he looked.
But he actually didn't really want to.
It was one thing as a daydream. It was another when he considered Erik but… he didn't want to consider anyone else in that spot anymore. Just him.
Maybe he could say that. But first he turns the question back to Erik. If his was gone too, then…? "What about you?"
Erik had no reservations about answering. "Don't know, don't care. Never really have. I think… when as long as you can remember, you've already been left out of the thing that everyone else seems to be swept away by, I think you can kind of get a better picture of it. Like an outside look, right?"
"Right."
"Yeah, so, I really think it's better that I get to miss out on it. There's more to life than one specific person. I'm not focused on it, and I've got so much more I'd rather have."
So, he was fine with the hand he'd been dealt, and he'd already said as much. But that still wasn't really the answer to the question El had asked. "But what are you going to do?"
Not even really concerning soulmates or any kind of love at all if that wasn't how Erik wanted to interpret it. Where was he going? What was he sailing towards?
"But what are your plans?" El asked again. "So, you've got all this spare time, what are you using it for?"
"I'll find out." Erik said, and El had to come to the conclusion that he hadn't actually been cagey or closed off at all. That was just the truth. He had no end goal in mind. He was just going wherever for whatever happened to be there. "Though… back to this thing," Erik said, hand going to tap at the nape of his neck where the bird's beak rested, "it's kinda funny. All my life I've never really been able to… picture, I guess, anyone being in that kinda spot. I've never been able to think about any kind of soulmate nonsense and gone 'yeah, that's something I want.'"
El nods. He understands. It's disappointing, to say the least, but he truly can understand. He loves Erik too much, just as a friend, to have any kind of resentment or bitterness towards him for not slotting perfectly into some perfect daydream that existed only in El's mind-
But Erik wasn't finished. "Except for one person. They're a pretty special case. Like I said, I'd never seen anyone like that before him, and I haven't since. It's been a while since we've been real close, but if he ever wanted to join me again and stick around, there will always be a place."
The vague way he spoke of them quickly became specific, and El knew that there wasn't any way he had misunderstood who he meant.
El didn't respond until he'd set down what he had been holding, and joined Erik, sitting next to him on the edge of the bed. "I've been thinking about when we first met a lot lately. Before we knew we were heading for Yggdrasil, and we were just wandering around the Emerald Isle… I miss it. I miss it a lot, and I don't think I want anything more than to be able to go back to it."
One more time, they both fell quiet.
Thinking about what would need to be done before El could join. He'd definitely need to find some way to be contacted. Or maybe not. The Luminary wasn't really needed for little disputes in Heliodor…
Thinking about what all had been said in between the lines of what had been spoken, and how easily it all had come.
"So…" Erik spoke up, "you wanted to ask about my tattoo. Why was that?"
El turned to look at him. "What do you mean? I was just curious."
"Not thinking about getting one of your own?"
El shrugged. He wouldn't be opposed, but… "I don't know. I don't think I'd know what to get."
"Yeah, that's the tough part, isn't it?" Erik stared down at his hands. "But it's not impossible. I know a good artist, they've got this little shop over near Gondolia, lotta sailors and pirates like me coming and going, best place for the guy to be. If you're interested… I'm sure he could draw something up for us."
"Us?"
"Yeah," Erik smiled, "I don't know, but I think I like this a lot more. We get to choose for ourselves, whatever we want, wherever we wanna put it. That's a lot better than just accepting what we've been given, isn't it?"