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looking at the pile of neatly folded clothes lying on his bed, taeyang was regretting all of his life decisions that led him to that moment. especially his decision to agree with jiung to go to the campus party. and really, it wasn't even his fault. he just wasn't very good at saying no to jiung.
the fateful mistake happened earlier that week, when he was just staying in his dorm room, ignoring the loud whines coming from behind him. taeyang was really trying to concentrate on his paper he needed to finish, the deadline being too close for his comfort. when the noise got even louder, he turned around with a loud huff, rolling his eyes at the boy who was laying on his bed in a starfish position, head hanging over the edge.
“come ooon,” jiung whined, pouting. “it’s going to be fun!”
“you know too well that i don't really like these things.” taeyang huffed, placing his hands over his chest.
“even the girls are going to be there!”
“are you really trying to convince me to go to a party, saying that my own sister is going to be there? i literally saw her this weekend at home.” taeyang scoffed at that, shaking his head. he had seen choyeon just a few days ago when they were both home for the weekend. he wouldn't mind seeing the rest of choyeon’s friends but jiung didn't need to know that.
jiung just rolled his eyes at him, unimpressed, so he tried something, or rather somebody, else. “also keeho is going to be there.”
that made taeyang hesitate and of course, jiung saw it, a victorious grin spreading all over his face.
“and what?” taeyang was trying to save himself, huffing.
“hmm, nothing. absolutely nothing.” jiung, without any visible coordination of his limbs, rolled from the bed onto the floor and stood up, “just your enormous crush on keeho.”
before taeyang could react, jiung was already opening the door, yelling loudly: see you on friday! over his shoulder. Taeyang cursed under his breath as he closed the door behind his traitorous friend.
his crush on the younger boy was nothing new to him, and sadly nothing new to jiung either. to be honest, he probably liked keeho since the first day he saw him. keeho was clever and funny, a social butterfly that could befriend everybody, charm everybody, and taeyang wasn't an exception. but it was the boy’s relationship with shota that made him fall for the boy, bit by bit. keeho took the japanese boy under his wing, taking care of him, making sure the boy was doing fine, speaking in english with him when they both were tired of speaking in korean. he let shota cling to him, not questioning any of shota’s questionable quirks.
he fell slowly and unsuspiciously, his feelings growing without him noticing till it was too late to fight them. and maybe it was because keeho was a boy, and he thought that what he was feeling was an appreciation for a person that took care of one of his closest friends. but the feelings only grew and after a while, taeyang realised it was more than an appreciation.
and it probably should be overwhelming, being attracted to the same gender wasn't really a thing that was welcomed in the society yet. but just like with everything in his life, taeyang took it in his stride. and when keeho outed himself to them, joking about it with jiung, taeyang found the courage to come out to them too, relieved, when they didn't make a big deal out of it. taeyang wasn't sure if knowing that in theory, keeho could like him back was better than thinking there was no chance at all.
in the end, it didn't really matter. he decided to do nothing as there was only a small chance for the boy to like him back. at least in the beginning. it took him some time to recognise the signs, keeho’s eyes following his every movement, the lingering touches, keeho’s hesitation when it came to the older boy. taeyang wasn't blind, but he was hesitating, not sure if he was reading all the little notions correctly. so he did nothing. waiting.
now, almost a week later, looking at the outfit jiung chose for him, he wished he had said no to the younger boy, that his stupid little crush on keeho wouldn’t cloud his judgement.
the younger boy stormed into his room a bit earlier and threw the pile of clothes on taeyang's bed, yelling he was going to be back in an hour as he was already running out of the room. for a moment, taeyang just stood in front of the bed, staring at the clothes, unsure of what to do.
“you should probably start getting ready or you’ll be late.” chanhee, his roommate, said, amusement clear in his voice.
taeyang just sighed, knowing that the older boy was right. he took the first clothing item to see what jiung expected him to wear. chanhee whistled behind him when he saw it, laughing at taeyang’s horrified face. it was a silky button up shirt, a see-through button-up shirt. to jiung’s defence, it wasn't entirely see-through, but it was see-through enough for taeyang. picking the second item, he actually recognised the piece of clothing, humming in a relief. he was holding long loose, also black, pants with a gathered up waist he had seen jiung wearing a few times already.
“well, that’s an interesting choice of outfit.” chanhee said, plopping down onto his bed, munching on some snacks, enjoying himself way too much for taeyang’s liking.
“ughh,” with a groan, he stripped from his clothes and quickly put the outfit on, ignoring chanhee’s howling behind him. he was way past the point where he was embarrassed in front of the other boy. tucking the silky button up into his pants, he turned around for chanhee to judge.
“not bad, not bad .” to his surprise, chanhee actually looked impressed with what he saw. “okay, come here. let's do your hair and we need some shiny accessories.”
taeyang let the boy do whatever he pleased, trusting his skills and his fashion sense. in no time taeyang was ready, his hair wavy, curling around his face, a few necklaces hanging around his neck, peeking from the low neckline. he had no time to react before jiung was back, pushing him out of the room with hurried thank you to chanhee who just wished them good luck, a wide grin on his face.
♡
the party was held in one of the houses right outside of the campus. taeyang could hear the loud music even from afar, regretting everything already. jiung knocked on the door that to taeyang’s surprise opened right away and dragged the older boy into the house. it was even louder inside, the music blasting from the speakers, people everywhere, dancing or just talking in groups, red cups in their hands. pushing through the crowd to get into the living room, taeyang could feel his headache coming.
luckily, they were able to locate choyeon and eunchae quickly enough, the two girls sitting on a staircase leading to the first floor, having a nice view of the living room and all the drama that was happening there.
taeyang plopped down on the step right under his sister and took the red cup from her, taking a sip, trying not to grimace when the liquid burned his throat.
“what a nice surprise.” choyeon scoffed, snatching her cup back from taeyang who didn't even try to fight her and just rolled his eyes at her.
“ooh, theo!” eunchae leaned down to ruffle his hair, giggling when he groaned, embarrassed. being the oldest of them all, eunchae had the role of the eldest sister, using it to her advantage when she felt like it. "looking good!" she said as her eyes scanned taeyang's outfit, obviously pleased with what she was seeing. "you too ji."
“thanks. where’s everybody else?” jiung asked as he sat down, expertly avoiding eunchae’s grabby hands.
“uh-huh, rainie had a pretty loud argument with some boy? honestly i have no idea but she won. obviously. then,” choyeon started while counting on her fingers, looking excited for the opportunity to share all the tea. “hyunbin had a rap battle with ryujin. yes it was bad.”
taeyang sighed at that, covering his face with his hands. hyunbin loved to rap when she had a bit of alcohol in her blood. it was…interesting to watch to say the least. they gave up on trying to stop the girl a long time ago. sometimes, when they were all together, taeyang joined her, embarrassing himself alongside hyunbin for the enjoyment of their friends.
“i lost track of where yoona was about half an hour ago,” choyeon continued in her attendance report. “and chaeni is with keeho. they are sitting right on the opposite side of the living room.”
taeyang looked to where choyeon was pointing at, noticing keeho right away. he was sitting on the armrest of one of the big armchairs that were scattered around the living area, wearing his oversized black denim jacket and some black jeans with too many holes in them. with his side facing them, taeyang couldn't really see his face but he was sure there was a bit of glitter on the high of his cheekbones, glimmering in the light. he was talking with a girl that was sitting in the armchair, moving his hands around, probably too absorbed in the conversation they were having.
at first, taeyang was jealous of chaeeun, of course, he was. she and keeho got closer really quickly talking for hours and hours together, in english, the language taeyang hadn’t mastered yet. keeho was naturally affectionate with her and joked around with her a lot.
soon enough, taeyang realised that his jealousy was pointless, understanding that their friendship was created out of necessity. as chaeeun lived outside of korea for some time, her english was better than the rest of them. and it was her ability to have a proper conversation with keeho in that language that made them so close. when keeho was too tired to speak in a language that was not entirely his own, he could always talk to her, switching back to english. now, he was glad that keeho found somebody like chaeeun, somebody he could go to when the pressure was too much for him.
"ehm, you're staring." he heard just as choyeon waved her hand in front of his face, making him jump a bit. she wasn't exactly wrong thought. he had no idea how long he was just watching keeho talk, following each of his movements as if he was spellbound.
“uh-huh,” taeyang huffed, not denying the accusation which made all of his friends snicker even more. “whatever. i’m going to get something to drink.”
taeyang pushed himself up, helping himself by placing his hand atop of jiung’s head, and walked in the general direction of the kitchen. pushing through the crowd, he grabbed the first unused cup he found and opened the fridge, taking out a bottle of what could be orange juice. seeing an almost empty bottle of vodka on the kitchen counter, he poured a bit into his cup just to spice it up a little. he didn't want to get drunk, but he hoped the party would be more bearable with a drop of alcohol. avoiding a couple that was aggressively making out in the hallway, he managed to walk back to his friends, finding his previous spot being already occupied by chaeeun.
“hello, theo.” she grinned at him when he leaned against the wall next to her. “fancy to see you here.”
“hello to you too, chaeni.” he greeted her back, looking around, quickly counting heads. “where’s jiung?”
“look on your left. god… not that obviously !” eunchae hissed when taeyang turned his head in the direction she told him. he just rolled his eyes but complied, acting like he was turning around to talk with choyeon. “he’s sitting in the armchair right in the corner.”
“oooh,” he muttered, a grin on his face.
jiung was sitting in the armchair, talking with hyunbin, the girl having her legs in jiung’s lap. they seemed to be absolutely immersed into their conversation, ignoring the group of boys howling right next to them. taeyang could see jiung’s hands resting on hyunbin’s shins and her hand holding his forearm. they looked comfortable together, gone was jiung’s bored expression and hyunbin’s teasing smirk.
“that’s actually pretty cute. do we have some bets?” taeyang turned back, sipping his drink.
“yeah. between you, keeho, jiung and hyunbin. who is going to man up first and confess.” choyeon snorted, making taeyang almost choke on the juice he was sipping.
“and bin is winning.” chaeeun added, petting taeyang’s thigh from where she was sitting.
“that’s understandable.” taeyang huffed, knowing too well that they were right. speaking of keeho… “keeho’s not with you anymore?” he looked at chaeeun, realising she was with the younger boy before.
he could hear eunchae chuckle, the voice accompanied by choyeon’s loud groan. chaeeun just looked at them, first confused and then, realising what was happening, she turned back to taeyang, a smirk plastered on her face.
“oh, keeho.” she sipped from her cup, raising her perfect brow at taeyang who was suddenly regretting even asking something. “keeho is still in the living room, talking with eric? i think his name is eric.”
“huh?” taeyang quickly turned around so he could look into the living room. he spotted the younger boy immediately, his eyes drawn to him. keeho was talking to a boy taeyang saw a few times with keeho already. they were standing on the other side of the room, laughing at whatever the other boy was saying.
taeyang could feel his mood plummet, a heavyweight settling on his chest. seeing keeho talk to another boy made him angry, unreasonably angry. he was well aware of that. there was no reason for him to feel like that.
except, there was and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.
“i know you probably don't want to hear it but he’s not going to wait for you forever.” the teasing was gone from choyeon’s tone, the girl looking at him with a small smile.
looking at keeho, the boy laughing with his head thrown back, a wide smile adorning his face, eyes shining under the lights, taeyang knew his sister was right.
“i… “ he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “hold this.” he pushed his cup into chaeeun’s free hand and headed towards keeho, ignoring the loud shouts coming from the girls.
as if he was in some kind of haze, he pushed through the crowd, everything blurred and out of focus. he had no idea what he was doing, what he was going to do. before he could even overthink it, he was already standing right behind the younger boy, having him within arm reach.
he could just watch as his hands curled around keeho’s waist, his front pressed against the boy’s side, head over his shoulder. taeyang’s brain stopped working for a moment when his fingers touched bare skin, realising that keeho was wearing a crop top under the oversized jacket. he could feel keeho flinch under the sudden contact and taeyang wanted to step back immediately, aware how uncomfortable and maybe even scary it had to be for keeho. but keeho was faster. he turned around, his smile widening when he saw taeyang, placing his own hand over taeyang’s.
“hello.” keeho said, leaning into taeyang’s hold a bit. “i had no idea that you’re going to be here.”
“uh-huh, i…” taeyang cleared his throat, his brain in overdrive, their sudden proximity too much for him. “jiung made me come. i was with the girls till now.”
keeho’s lips shaped into a silent ‘o’, nodding in understanding. “oh, also, this is eric.” he turned back towards the boy who was looking at them with a small smile, maybe even a bit amused. taeyang didn't like that look at all.
“oh hi, pleasure to finally meet you.” he grinned at taeyang, his voice friendly, the amusement now clear. taeyang had no idea why it was such a pleasure to finally meet him but he nodded at the boy, smiling and hoping it didn't look like a grimace.
“hi.” he said, unconsciously tightening his grip on keeho’s waist. he could see eric’s eyes following the movement for a split second, the boy almost smirking.
“well, i think i should go and see what sunwoo is doing. we don't want him to dance on tables like last time.” eric chuckled and with one quick wave, he disappeared into the crowd, leaving the two boys alone. taeyang had no idea who sunwoo was and why he ended up dancing on a table and honestly he didn't care enough to ask.
keeho immediately turned around, placing his hands on taeyang’s shoulders, keeping the older boy close. feeling somebody pushing against his back, he looked around, realising the room was more crowded than it was just a moment ago, loud music blasting from the speakers, a sea of people moving around them. another hard push made him stumble, putting his other hand around keeho to keep his balance. like that they were close, closer than they were before, their faces only inches apart, breathing the same air.
taeyang could feel the crowd surrounding them, could feel the loud music, the vibration sending shivers down his spine. he could feel keeho's palms on his shoulders, their weight grounding him, but making him lose his mind at the same time.
closing his eyes for a moment and then opening them again, he looked directly at keeho, the younger boy already watching him with clear questions in his own wide eyes.
in a sudden surge of confidence, which taeyang had no idea where it came from, he leaned closer to the boy, pressing lips on his, eyes closing. just a split second, their lips barely touching. around them, people were dancing to the music, screaming, their overheated bodies pushing into them but to taeyang, it was like they all just disappeared. it was only him and keeho, all alone in the crowded room. he felt keeho move in his hold, his senses coming back to him all at once, the noise barreling into him in one big terrifying wave. opening his eyes quickly, he wanted to move away, an apology on his lips.
but he was stopped by keeho’s strong grip on his shoulders, the boy not letting him go that easily. slowly, with hesitation, taeyang looked into keeho’s eyes, afraid of the boy’s reaction. but keeho was already looking at him, his eyes just as wide as taeyang's, lips parted in a shock. to taeyang’s relief, there was no anger, no disgust. If taeyang had to guess, all he could see in keeho’s eyes was hope. taking a deep breath, he had no idea what to say, his mind hazy but hyper focused at the same time. before he could decide what to do, keeho pulled him in by his shoulder, slotting their lips together again, his arms curling around his shoulder, keeping him close. without realising, taeyang gripped keeho’s waist tighter, his fingers digging into the soft flesh there, feeling the boy’s warm skin under his palms. the pressure made keeho gasp, his mouth falling open, making it easy for taeyang to deepen the kiss, holding the boy as close as possible, their bodies pressed against each other. nibbling at keeho’s lower lip, taeyang kissed him one more time before leaning away, holding keeho’s face in his palm with the utmost care, looking at the boy with eyes full of wonder. keeho blinked a few times, placing his palm over taeyang’s, his touch gentle, almost feather-like, the colourful lights casting shadows over his face, all the glitter sprinkled on his cheeks shimmering, stars dancing in his doe-like eyes.
suddenly overwhelmed with everything that was happening, taeyang leaned forward and hid his face into the crook of keeho’s neck, breathing him in, hands curling back around his lean waist, running across the bare skin. he could feel the younger boy’s body shaking with silent laughter, his breath fanning his earlobe.
“are you laughing at me?” he whined, voice muffled by the fabric of keeho’s jacket, keeho’s hands on his shoulder, holding him close.
“me? just a little bit, yes.” keeho hummed, sounding amused, one hand resting on taeyang’s head, fingers tangled in his hair.
“rude.” was all taeyang said, relaxing into keeho’s embrace, the vibration of the loud music enveloping him. he was well aware that they need to talk, they need to talk somewhere else than here. but he just wanted to enjoy the moment, keeho’s hands around him.
“not to alarm you,” keeho started, alarming taeyang. “but i just made eye contact with choyeon.”
“oh no.” taeyang could imagine his sister's devilish smirk. he was definitely not ready for that conversation.
“ready to run?” as if he was reading his mind, keeho grabbed him by his hand and before taeyang could even ask what he was talking about, the younger boy was pushing through the crowd towards the door.
against his better judgement, taeyang looked over his shoulder, seeing the girls still sitting on the stairs, all looking at them, some with wide smiles and some with shocked expressions splattered all over their faces. but before he could decipher what each of their expressions ment, they were out of the building, cold air hitting their warm bodies, making them shiver. keeho immediately wrapped his hand around taeyang’s shoulder, pressing their bodies together.
It was way past midnight, the streets empty and quiet, only the distant music coming from the house they just left. the adrenaline was slowly leaving taeyang’s body, leaving him tired and drowsy. but they needed to talk. taeyang had to know what all of that meant, for keeho and for the two of them. he didn't want to just forget, to act as nothing happened.
with his thoughts racing in his head, he stopped, not letting keeho’s hand go. it made keeho halt his steps too, the younger boy tuning towards taeyang, just looking at him with questions in his eyes, patiently waiting for taeyang to speak up.
“i like you,” taeyang said, a lump in his throat making it hard for him to speak. he was looking down at their connected hands, his thumb rubbing the back of keeho’s hand. “i don't want this to be just-” shaking his head, taeyang looked up.
“me neither.” keeho said, a small smile on his lips. ”i like you. i always did.” it's keeho now who is looking down at their connected face, blush spreading from his neck to his cheeks.
a relief washed over taeyang, a heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders. he let his body fall against keeho’s again, kissing the boy’s forehead. ”thank god.”
keeho giggled, tugging taeyang’s hand so they could start walking again. “for two years worth of pinning, this was weirdly anticlimactic.”
“i don't think jiung is going to agree with you. he was ready to kill me.” taeyang huffed, clutching keeho’s hand in his.
“wait,“ keeho looked at him, realisation dawned on him. “you told jiung?”
“yeah. well… not really. i think he connected the dots after i came out.” taeyang grimace, their conversation replaying in his head.
“uhm… jiung knew i liked you the whole time too.”
“i’m going to kill him.” taeyang said after he realised what that meant, half determined to just walk back and strangle his best friend. keeho laughed at that, throwing his head back, his loud laughter echoing on the quiet street.
“i'm actually pretty surprised he didn't kill the both of us.” keeho chuckled, swaying their connected hands between them. “he had to listen to us whining for more than a year. and he didn't say anything.”
“okay, you’re right.” taeyang hummed, nodding in agreement. “and hey, at least i won the bet.”
“what bet?”