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Yeosang walked into the wrong holding room once, as a rookie in their first year. It had been a big show, there had been so many hallways, all the doors had looked the same, and honestly speaking he hadn’t been looking, more focused on remembering the choreography and his lines -
Before he knew it, he was staring down a roomful of strange alphas.
One gets to his feet. “Look who decided to join us,” he drawls, all insouciance, long, strong limbs. As he approaches, the scent of tar rises, tarmac on a hot day. Yeosang has never met anyone who smelled like that.
The alpha takes a step forward, and suddenly something collides with Yeosang’s back, something warm and solid, someone smelling of the sea and driftwood and - San. It’s San.
Yeosang can’t hear what San says, because he’s too busy recovering from the impact and trying to get air back into his lungs, while also staring at the suddenly strangely cowed roomful of alphas, who seem to be receding before his very eyes … oh.
Because San is bodily dragging him out of the door.
Yeosang is so stunned he doesn’t think to disengage from San’s hold. By the time he fully comes back to himself, he’s back in their dressing room being aggressively and thoroughly scented by the very disgruntled omega in his lap, who is complaining at the top of his voice to everyone and anyone who can hear him about the nasty alphas who tried to bully his Sangie.
Never mind that it was Yeosang who had encroached into their territory.
Never mind that Yeosang was also an alpha, even if he didn’t look like one at first sight, and likely wouldn’t have been in any real danger.
Seonghwa can’t shut the door soon enough.
Looking back much later, Yeosang realises that’s pretty much where San not being able to keep his hands off him starts, and never really ends.
In the end, there’s no harm done, and Yeosang’s a bit more careful about knocking and entering from then on, and tries to put more effort into remembering their holding rooms. The incident was more than little embarrassing - not because an omega had come to his rescue, San is San after all, and San looks out for him. Yeosang has never been touchy about secondary gender distinctions that way.
San’s always looked out for him, even though Yeosang is painfully conscious that it should be the other way around.
Yeosang knows he should have done better, should have been more mindful. Shouldn’t have needed rescuing by anyone. Shouldn’t have done anything which might have gotten them into trouble.
So Yeosang promises himself he’ll do better. It’s one of the reasons he goes to their trainers and starts working out a new fitness regime. He’s particularly interested if he can make a strength training regime work for him, and there’s no harm trying.
At the very least, the training will give him a new look for the stage.
And if he fails, well, he hadn’t really had anything to lose in the first place but time.
Even when Yeosang starts visibly bulking up, San doesn’t let him walk about during award shows without being properly scented any more. San never hides that he prefers it to be him doing the scenting, but San has grudgingly allowed their team members (often Wooyoung, whose woodsmoke and resin dominated scent complements Yeosang’s delicate, ever-changing floral one) do it as long as it’s clear Yeosang is theirs. San always makes sure to sit next to Yeosang on rides to shows to make sure he’s properly scented – personally, if no one else has done it beforehand. Even if someone else has done it beforehand, San never seems to think they have been thorough enough, and always seems to have to scent Yeosang again.
San needs a stern talking to from Seonghwa as well as Hongjoong, as well as constant reassurance from the managers that they won’t let Yeosang be alone, before he deigns to let Yeosang MC without first being scented.
Even so, San still sneakily tries to scent him before he heads off, and will emphatically scent him when he returns, grumbling if he detects any pronounced other scents around Yeosang. He insists on coming to meet Yeosang’s co-hosts, and is weirdly clingy when he does. Thankfully Chaehyun and Minhee seem to find it endearing (entirely thanks to San’s charm), and San does genuinely seem to warm up towards them at the end.
“Please help us take care of Yeosangie,” San implores, all big expressive eyes and dimples as he takes his leave. Yeosang knows San’s already won them over, and he knows San knows.
“Never fear,” Chaehyun says, smiling. “We’ll take care of your Yeosangie,” Minhee says, her eyes dancing with amusement. Her orange and mint scent picks up – she’s happy, though Yeosang can’t really tell why. Yeosang wants to protest, but he is already being enfolded into San’s arms, and then San is out of the door.
“He’s very protective,” Chaehyun observes, and he and Minhee exchange smiles. “But you heard us, boss puppy, we’ll take good care of you.”
It’s acting like that which gets San mistaken as Yeosang’s alpha more than once. In fact, San makes no effort to correct this impression, and ultimately even Yeosang belatedly realises that rather than correcting any mistake, it was rather more an impression San actively sought to cultivate.
It’s all not very omega of him, but San’s never been a conventional omega, any more than Yeosang’s been a conventional alpha.
Today is no different, and San is at it again, at yet another filming session.
Although saying San was at it again implied San stopped at some point, which wasn’t the case at all.
They’re standing a little too close to the klieg lights for Yeosang’s comfort, but the touch of San’s mouth on his neck burns more hotly than they do.
Yeosang jumps at the contact, but San’s anticipated that, and takes the opportunity to fold his arms around Yeosang’s waist and hug Yeosang to him instead. Thankfully, they’re called to go over their stage blocking again, and San has to release him.
Yeosang really hopes this filming session is over soon, because he doesn’t think he’s going to be able to hold out much longer.
A cuddly quiescent San is infinitely easier to manage than a pouty, sullen San, and is definitely better for Ateez’s image in the ever-present eyes of the cameras and the public.
At least that’s what Yeosang tells himself. That’s the reason for letting San do what he wants (within Yeosang’s limits) with him.
Bonus: when San is occupied with him, he’s much less likely to be putting banners into his mouth, trying to eat placards, biting medals, licking things he shouldn’t be licking. It’s exchanging a little discomfort for a better experience for everyone, and Yeosang has never been the kind to put his own comfort above what was best for Ateez.
Besides, it’s not as if he doesn’t like San. Yeosang just isn’t very good with affection, whether giving or receiving it, and after all this time he still isn’t really sure how to respond to San’s enthusiastic hugs, too-close attempted kisses, and cuddles, both on- and off-stage.
He’s not afraid to push San away if he needs to, but as far as San has gone, he somehow hasn’t crossed that line... yet, although he’s come pretty close. San just seems to instinctively know how far he can (and can’t) push Yeosang: when to let go after a hug, when to keep his distance, when to dance in for a too-close almost-kiss and dance away before Yeosang quite realises what has happened.
Before San, Yeosang had thought one person in his life that skipped steps was enough, and then San had shown up, yet another person in Yeosang’s life who didn’t believe in following the ordinary steps to getting to know Yeosang.
San and Wooyoung are a lot alike that way. Which is sometimes a problem for Yeosang.
Yet another problem is this: Yeosang’s alpha has decided it likes San. Really, really likes San. Really likes bringing him food, really likes being scented by San, really likes being held by San, too. Really wants to take care of San in strange, new ways that Yeosang has never really taken care of anyone before.
Now this is a problem for Yeosang. If only San were only a waking up in the middle of the night, cold showers in the morning, kind of problem. Yeosang knew how to handle that kind of problem.
But as with some of Yeosang’s biggest problems, it is also about Wooyoung.
Wooyoung was Yeosang’s first.
Yeosang sometimes wishes, for his own sake, that he remembered more of it, that fevered first cycle, but is quietly grateful sometimes that he does not. He does remember burning up, and Wooyoung’s touch the only thing that could calm that fire. He’s still abjectly grateful that it was Wooyoung, out of everyone else it could have been, and there was really no one else it could have been.
Even with everything that followed after, with Yeosang leaving their first company and ending up here with Wooyoung at the end of it all.
Wooyoung was, still is, Yeosang’s first in so many more ways most people know or understand. First friend at their first company, first long-time friendship and still the longest-lasting friendship of Yeosang’s life.
Yeosang’s first encounter with Wooyoung had been typical Wooyoung – forthright, direct, no hesitation at all from Wooyoung - all the hallmarks of the alpha Wooyoung would someday be, that Wooyoung had already been on the road to becoming.
“It matches,” the strange boy from Ilsan said, his eyes alight, his smile lopsided.
“What matches,” Yeosang asked, confused.
“Your scent, and your beauty mark there,” Wooyoung said. “Your scent’s like a pretty garden, and your mark’s like a fallen petal. I like it. You don’t have to cover it up.”
No one had ever told Yeosang that he smelled like a garden before.
No one had ever called it a beauty mark instead of a birthmark, either. The beginning of many more firsts with Wooyoung, not that Yeosang knew it then.
Days after that, Wooyoung bit him, something Yeosang put down then as typical boisterous pre-alpha behaviour, but not signifying anything in particular (given how affectionate Wooyoung was to most of their trainee batch).
A week after that, Wooyoung had also kissed him, on the cheek, but it was also a thing that Wooyoung had done to Yeonjun, so Yeosang didn’t read anything very much into that.
And then Yeosang had suddenly, unexpectedly, gone into rut shortly after their next evaluation, and he had not put much thought into what Wooyoung’s intentions had been after that.
Presenting as an alpha had not been in his or the company’s plans. So Yeosang soon made new ones.
He had not expected Wooyoung to want to be part of those plans, nor to follow him to KQ, particularly not after Wooyoung had also presented as an alpha shortly after Yeosang had, but Yeosang had been very grateful, even if he had not shown it at the time.
Whatever else happens, Yeosang doesn’t want to lose Wooyoung. Even if it means holding back with San.
Even if Wooyoung himself seemed to have different ideas on that.
Yeosang’s mind returns, as it does from time to time, unbidden, to a moment not so long ago that he still hasn’t quite figured out…
San’s good with kids, the same way San is good with people, and good with everything, really. Right now he’s talking to the little girls they’ve brought on for the Real stage, and even though Yeosang knows San’s followed the same punishing schedule he has, San’s still smiling, laughing, giving the kids his full attention. They’re all utterly charmed, Yeosang can tell, giggly and smiley, reflecting San’s love and boundless enthusiasm right back. Or maybe it’s San reflecting their youthful energy. Not that he’s lacking in any kind of energy.
“He’s really good with kids, huh,” Wooyoung says suddenly, from his side.
Yeosang jumps - he’d thought he was alone - well, as alone as one can be on a bustling stage. Wooyoung laughs his delighted high pitched laugh, and settles down next to Yeosang.
The choreographers are trying to block how the tigers move, so they’ve got a little quiet time to themselves. Well, what counts for quiet time when they’re trying to stage a performance.
San must have noticed the minor commotion, because he looks up and smiles at both of them. He’s radiant and Yeosang looks away.
“Why do you do that?” Wooyoung asks, after he’s done waving to enthusiastically and San has turned his attention back to their younger castmates.
“Do what,” Yeosang says.
“That,” Wooyoung says helpfully. “You know, he really likes you. In case you haven’t noticed.”
Yeosang turns to stare at him incredulously. Is Wooyoung really doing this? “I’d never get in the way of your - “
“You know it’s not like that, Yeosangie,” Wooyoung says, seriously, leaning against Yeosang’s shoulder. “It’s not like it’s exclusive, that’s not how it goes with us.”
Yeosang knows that, but Yeosang doesn’t particularly want to talk about it. None of them are exclusive – it’s not common or recommended for group members to pair exclusively early in their careers, and current practice holds it most practical for members to bond with as many members of their group as possible, non-exclusively. Exclusive pair bonds are not ideal, for individual members or groups as a whole, in a fast-paced industry where it’s not uncommon for groups to last mere months, and any member could exit or go on hiatus at any time. The ensuing damage and impact of broken pair bonds on group dynamics have derailed entire groups’ dynamics and careers before.
“Should we be talking about this now?” Yeosang asks, then groans when Wooyoung smiles mischievously at him. He knows that look all too well.
“We can also talk about it later.”
“How about we don’t talk about it at all,” retorts Yeosang.
Wooyoung’s brows furrow. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Sangie, things are never going to change if you -”
“Maybe I like them like this,” Yeosang says, stubbornly.
“Be like that,” Wooyoung retorts, and Yeosang yelps when he bumps Yeosang’s shoulder with his own. Wooyoung makes no move to disengage from Yeosang’s shoulder, and they stay like that until someone yells at them to get back into position.
But the look in Wooyoung’s eye and the familiarity born of eight years of friendship tell Yeosang that this is far from over.
Yeosang shakes himself from his reverie. They’re being ushered offstage to a holding area, where they’ll film the behind the scenes after-event reactions.
San’s arms are still wound tightly around his waist. He turns to look at San, and happens to meet Wooyoung’s eyes instead, as Wooyoung comes up to hug San from behind, his hands coming up to catch Yeosang’s waist too.
They’re still looking at each other when San’s scent changes.
The scent of the deep sea and ocean spray rises in the suddenly-too-small holding area, Yeosang can almost taste kelp at the back of his throat and swallows involuntarily. A different rising tide pools low in his stomach, one he tries his best to ignore.
Yeosang sees Wooyoung’s eyes widen and knows his are doing the same.
This is not good.
Yeosang is positive that San wasn’t scheduled to go into heat today – they would all have done things very differently if he had been. Today’s scheduled filming couldn’t have been pushed back, so it would have had to be managed very differently, with Yunho and Mingi’s calmer beta presences being assigned to be around San overnight and all day, with all of the alphas separated as much as possible, in separate cars and separate holding rooms if possible (and appropriate scent blockers if not).
Cycle prediction wasn’t a precise science, and any number of variables could throw it off – stress, lack of sleep, not eating enough, having contact with more alphas, amongst others.
And because San had not been scheduled to go into heat today, he had been around Yeosang, Wooyoung and Jongho all day.
Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho are at their sides immediately. After a brief aborted attempt to convince San to go with Yunho (beta presences could be helpful and calming in the early stages of both heats and ruts, but beyond a certain stage their utility was limited, and San was either beyond that stage or currently contrary enough to refuse to do as he was told), it is decided that Yeosang and San will head to the car first (largely because San is obstinately refusing to let go of Yeosang) while Wooyoung kicks off filming with the rest of the team, with Wooyoung to join them as soon as possible after to head back to the dorms.
Yeosang and San have never been heat partners, so they’ll have to wait for Wooyoung.
Yeosang shoots Wooyoung an imploring look, and Wooyoung takes the opportunity to pat him on the shoulder. “You’ll be fine,” he says, “I’ll be with you soon.”
Then they all have to pretend everything is fine for some casual group shots, and then one of the managers and a crew member are assigned to escort San and Yeosang back to the car. Because this was unplanned, both are alphas and can’t be in the car with them either, but both promise that they will be near to watch over them. It does make Yeosang feel a little better.
San can’t be alone in the car because everyone knows he will not stay in it, or work himself into a frenzy trying to get out of it.
The bracing cold night air as they exit goes some way to clearing his head, but all it does is make San shiver, cuddle up close to him, and demand to be held all the way back to the car.
The manager heads off into the open air parking lot and is soon back with the car, parking it a discreet distance away from the entrance, but still well in sight of it. He and the crew member help San and Yeosang into the car, the manager making sure Yeosang has his phone on hand, that it’s charged, and that the manager’s number is on speed dial should his assistance be required.
“I don’t think we attracted any unwanted attention,” the manager says, “But we’ll be watching. We’ll leave as soon as Wooyoung can. Good luck.”
Omegas in heat, especially in public areas, often attract a great deal of unwanted attention and not infrequently are victims of assault, and nobody wants that to happen.
The manager makes sure Yeosang has the car keys and locks the doors from the inside. He then carefully checks all the doors to make sure they can’t be opened – one can never be too sure.
And then Yeosang is alone with San.
“Yeosangie,” San says, from his position in Yeosang’s lap. “Can I ask you something?”
Yeosang looks down and almost instantly regrets it.
San, sprawled invitingly over his lap, throat bared beautifully, is simply a sight to behold.
The intensity with which Yeosang wants to ruin him catches even himself by surprise. Yeosang aches to put his mouth over the elegant curve of San’s neck, the way San did to him barely an hour ago, to see what exquisite noises San makes, maybe even to ruin him, and San might even want it just as much as he does –
That’s your alpha talking -
Yeosang shakes himself.
“... what is it?”
San pouts and looks up at Yeosang. His breath hitches, and a distinctively plaintive note enters his voice.
“Why don’t you like me? Your alpha definitely does.”
It feels like San has laid his heart open with a single question.
Yeosang goes still. For all that he’s meant to be an alpha, he feels like a rabbit in the wood, with a wolf bearing down on him.
“Yeosang-ah,” San says. “I don’t think I’m reading you wrong. I just don’t understand why you’re holding back.”
Yeosang swallows involuntarily.
“I thought it was because of Wooyoung, but he says he’s told you that you can go ahead, but… maybe you don’t believe him, or maybe… it’s me.”
“I – it’s not –”
Gentle fingers trace a tentative path across his cheek. “You fight your alpha all the time, Sangie,” San says, quietly. “You don’t have to.”
“I – I don’t, I –”
San draws a ragged breath.
“No, I know you.” San is deadly serious now, which scares Yeosang. It’s not for nothing that he says the scariest member is San when he gets angry enough, and Yeosang really doesn’t want to be the reason for that.
But San only sighs. “You’d give Wooyoung up to me if you thought it would make him happy, no matter what you felt about that.”
Yeosang feels like the ground has dropped out from beneath his feet.
“What,” he manages. First Wooyoung and now San, there should be a house rule about how many confrontations he is subjected to in a week.
“You’re a good person, Yeosangie. You’re so kind, and you’d give up the things you wanted if you think someone else needed them more.”
Yeosang can’t look at San any more, but San catches his chin in his impossibly gentle fingers and tips it up.
Unwillingly, Yeosang meets his gaze, to find a gentler San than he expected.
“Don’t do that,” San warns, his voice firm but as gentle as his touch on Yeosang’s face. “Stop being so self-sacrificing, even if you’re afraid of what you want.”
Suddenly emboldened, Yeosang stares back. “And what is it I want, Choi San?”
Now it’s San’s turn to look away, but not for long.
“I would like it if it was me,” San says, his gaze frank and direct. He takes a breath, squares his very broad shoulders, and seems to make a decision.
“And Wooyoung also.”
“I was hoping it would be me,” San says, his gaze frank and direct. “And Wooyoung also.”
Yeosang stares at him, poleaxed. He is genuinely lost for words.
San starts laughing, tiny suppressed tremors that become shaking shoulders that become full-blown peals of laughter.
“W-wait, Wooyoung?” Yeosang manages, his throat closing on the words.
San looks up from where he's started nuzzling into Yeosang’s neck to laugh breathily in his ear. “If either you or Wooyoung had been an omega, Wooyoung would have claimed you years ago.”
As Yeosang stared at him, stunned, San grinned. “What? Is it a surprise? Aren’t you best friends? Haven’t even you noticed how weird he gets whenever you spend your ruts with Seonghwa or Yunho or Mingi?”
Yeosang gaped at him and San burst out laughing again, riotous delighted laughter echoing off the tiny, too-cramped backseat that was only getting more cramped by the second.
Yeosang couldn’t help but admire how San was beautiful when he was laughing, even if it was at Yeosang’s expense.
“Oh, Yeosangie, you really are the purest member of Ateez.” San’s shoulders gradually stopped shaking with mirth, but his dimples didn’t fade, nor did the ear to ear grin.
Yeosang hadn’t realised he was instinctively shrinking backwards, looking down, until deft fingers were tipping his chin up once more, gently but firmly making him meet San’s warm gaze. “You’re very loved, Yeosangie,” San says, his voice as gentle as his touch. “By all of us.”
Then his gaze grows thoughtful.
“Maybe a little more, by me and Wooyoung,” he allows.
“You know, San continues, thoughtfully, tweaking Yeosang’s nose for no good reason at all, “When I first saw you, I thought, that is the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. And once I got to know you, it didn’t matter, omega, alpha, whatever you were, I just wanted you.”
Yeosang swallows. It’s a lot to take in.
San’s eyes are so soft as they gaze at him, and then it seems the distance between him and San is closing inexorably, unstoppably. Yeosang doesn’t quite know why, but doesn’t particularly want to stop, and San tilts his head so their mouths can meet.
Suddenly the back seat is too hot, too close, just like San as he presses into Yeosang’s space. The scent of San’s ocean is even stronger now, Yeosang could almost swear he feels the waves lapping at his feet, sand at the back of his throat, the surf thundering in his ears.
Maybe that’s just his heart.
He lifts his eyes and meet San’s gaze, hot and dark as a warm summer’s night, before San crashes into him with all the force of a towering wave.
San’s mouth, San’s hands, they’re hot and they’re are all over him, San mouthing a searing path up his neck, licking hotly against the seam of his lips, demanding entrance.
And who is Yeosang before the force of nature that is San?
Giving in to the weight of inevitability, Yeosang gives San what he’s been asking for all along.
Yeosang lets San in.
Yeosang would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t thought about what this would feel like. San’s just so touchy with him that only a saint would have been able to resist, and he’s never been shy about the way he feels about Yeosang.
His hands circle San’s waist instinctively, pulling him in close. San seems to welcome it and take it as an invitation, because suddenly there seems to be a whole lot more Choi San in Yeosang’s lap than there had been.
“Wait,” says Yeosang, breathlessly, “Wait, isn’t this going to ...” he struggles for words. “What about Wooyoung, isn’t he - “
“Isn’t he?” San arches an eyebrow.
“Isn’t this going to be a problem,” asks Yeosang, stalling desperately.
“Oh,” says San. He pouts again.
Yeosang wants to kiss that pout off his face.
“Isn’t it a bit late for that now? Though, if you’re worried, why don’t you ask Wooyoung yourself?”
Once again, Yeosang is speechless.
“He’s actually right over there,” San continues, tilting his head to the car window.
Yeosang follows the tilt of San’s head and jumps when he sees that Wooyoung is, in fact, right over there, standing just outside the car.
He barely register’s San’s delighted laughter above his rising panic. He tries to push San off his lap, although it’s far too late now, but San responds by tightening his arms around Yeosang.
San eventually takes pity on him by smacking the lever that lowers the windows, which Wooyoung takes as his cue to stick his head into the car.
“Everything okay?” he asks, smiling mischievously.
“Sangie wants to know if you mind this,” San says, indicating the two of them.
“Why would I mind?” Wooyoung asks. “As long as you remember I saw him first.” San makes an indignant exclamation, but Yeosang can’t really make out what it is over the rush of blood in his ears.
“How long have you been here?” Yeosang asks.
“Long enough,” says Wooyoung, smugly. At Yeosang’s agonised look he relents and says, “I just got here, really.”
“Could someone please explain what’s going on,” Yeosang says, very carefully, because either he is going mad or there are suddenly a lot of cards on the table.
San finally takes pity on him and directs a clear, find and sympathetic gaze his way. “We like you, Yeosangie. We both do. But we were never sure if you felt the same way.”
There is a really long silence until Yeosang realised they were both waiting for him to say something.
“Really,” he says, utterly poleaxed.
San smiles, and pulls him into a kiss that feels like a promise.
"Really."
When they pull apart, San is smiling, but Yeosang can see Wooyoung out of the corner of his eye, and there’s an odd look on Wooyoung’s face when Wooyoung looks at him, one that goes away as soon as Wooyoung realises Yeosang is looking at him.
Yeosang thinks about what San said, and he thinks that maybe he knows how to fix it, so…
Before he can talk himself out of it, and perhaps a little drunk himself on everything that has happened over the last thirty minutes, Yeosang plants a hand on the car seat and leans forward to kiss Wooyoung on the cheek.
Wooyoung yelps, and then he blushes most extraordinarily.
Yeosang has half a moment to feel pleased, before Wooyoung is reaching into the car through the open window and unlocking the door in a single swift motion. He pulls the door open to climb into the car and kiss Yeosang too.
Wooyoung’s mouth on his is warm, his hand on Yeosang’s cheek firm but gentle. It’s surprising but not unfamiliar, and Wooyoung’s is a kiss that feels like coming home.
Even so, Yeosang startles and falls back into San, but as Wooyoung won’t let go of him, Wooyoung falls with him too.
San starts laughing, which means he gets a shut up kiss from Wooyoung for his impertinence, and then they are all laughing, collapsing into a tangle of limbs in the suddenly far too small backseat.
“You’re letting the cold in,” whines San, and Wooyoung moves enough to shut the door and roll up the window.
“Oh,” Wooyoung says, belatedly. “I was supposed to tell you that we can go. I just had to. Make sure the two of you were decent before calling the manager.”
“Why didn’t you say that first,” groans Yeosang.
“This was much more fun,” replies Wooyoung, grinning.
Yeosang supposes he can’t really argue with that.