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As Negan trekked further and further into the woods with Lydia in tow he almost couldn't believe it. But then again if they wanted to get rid of him why not throw out the ex-whisperer as well?
He had hope this wasn't that though.
They weren’t going far from Alexandria, just a small getaway into what was originally going to be Negan's cabin.
They reached it with little issue other than the odd walker, Lydia had been asking about the Savior war and Negan explained it in a grossly simplified way. She already knew how Glenn and Abraham died, he'd told her before, there was no point sugar-coating the truth so she can hear it from someone else later.
He was expecting her to hate him but she seemed to understand his position, why he did what he did. She didn't see him as a hero, but she didn't look at him like he was a villain either.
The conversation ended when they entered the small, but cozy, cabin. Negan was glad he defied people's wishes, Alexandria was his home now.
While Lydia went to the bathroom Negan started preparing dinner.
When Carol suggested the trip he honestly wasn't sure if it was so someone could ambush him and slit his throat like Rick once had, when she mentioned Lydia joining he was even more on edge. Carol assured him it wasn't anything like what he was thinking and so, after a lot of convincing he agreed.
His thoughts were cut off after Lydia pulled back a bar stool and took a seat at the kitchen island
“what are you making?” she asked looking over to the stove
“Only the best damn spaghetti you're ever gonna have!” he leaned back trying to prove his point more, grateful Carol had packed what he’d need for this.
Lydia shook her head with a small smile and Negan smiled back satisfied with that response. He looked over to her noticing she was holding a book. There were a few books scattered around, mainly classics and Lydia had picked out “to kill a mocking bird” which was a throwback to his high school years.
He was thankful she didn't pick the secret garden, she can’t fully read normal English let alone written accents that make your brain load.
She read outloud and Negan stayed as quiet as possible while cooking helping her pronounce words and going over to read the words she didn't understand. Negan could tell she was frustrated with herself but his encouragement seemed to help, he was proud she was trying to make the effort despite not thinking it was necessary.
The time flew by and soon Negan collected some plates and laid them out on the small dining table
“come on kiddo foods done”
she laid the book down and sat opposite Negan. He waited for her to try his culinary masterpiece and when she did she gave a simple nod, Negan barked out a laugh leaning back in his chair
“Really kiddo? I make the best meal of your entire life and I get a nod! Oh you do know how to humble someone” his laugh deepened by the look on her face
“Well it’s-” she opened and closed her mouth a few times as he continued laughing
“I’m pulling your leg kid, obviously you don't know where to even begin with how good it is right?” he grinned raising his eyebrows, luckily she caught on to where Negan was going and nodded putting another forkful in her mouth as he began his own. As they were eating they talked about different things, the communities, school, anything really.
After they finished dinner Lydia helped Negan clean up putting away the plates and unpacking the other essentials they’d need. By the time they were done it was dark so, after a bit more reading, they decided it was time to get some sleep.
While Lydia got changed in the bedroom, Negan also got changed before making the sofa as comfortable as possible before lying on it. Lydia tried to swap it around so Negan could have the bed and when that didn't work she suggested they both share the bed since it wasn't anything weird but he kept his ground, or in this case the sofa.
The next morning Negan woke up first, it was light outside, if he had to guess he'd say it was around 6. Thinking this was a reasonable time to wake up he walked over to the bedroom door drumming his fingers against the dark wood
“Wakey wakey kiddo!”
Once he heard the bed sheets shuffle around he headed to the bathroom. Coming back in to prepare whatever they had for breakfast, it ended up being a chopped-up apple and some peanut butter that was shoved down at the bottom of the bag, which Negan swore Carol did on purpose.
When he finally shoveled it out of the bag and set two bowls out Lydia still hadn’t come out of the bedroom. Placing the bowls at the table he headed over thinking she simply didn't wake up the first time he knocked.
Negan opened the door and in a singsongy voice spoke before freezing “Hey kid breakfast is-”
So Lydia was awake, very much so. Getting changed. Thank god she was wearing a bra.
Lydia tried to cover her top half with her hands while telling Negan to get out. But as he was apologizing and moving to leave his gaze caught something below the clothing. Despite standing in the doorway he could make it out, scars forming one word:
匚ᒪ𝙰ꕯϺ𝖤Ɒ
It didn’t take him long to piece things together in his mind.
Lydia followed his gaze before looking at him quickly a fearful glaze over her eyes
"Negan wait-" He turned closing the door behind him, ignoring Lydia's yelling after him as he left the small cabin and began heading back towards Alexandria.
He wasn’t being rational but quite frankly he didn’t care too much.
Negan knew he’d changed even if he was still quite egotistical and arrogant he’d changed for the better, he always tried to practice honesty and he’d come to terms with his mistakes and his past but in this moment?
He wanted to throw someone into a goddamn furnace.
Shortly after he heard Lydia trailing behind him, telling him to calm down and wait but his mind was racing, not listening to the young girl behind him.
No wonder Daryl was always so protective of her, too protective.
Negan thought Daryl took a liking to her in a familiar way not in any sexual way she's a child for fucks sake. Did he do this with Judith too? Any of the other kids?
Thinking about it, it made sense. In all the years of knowing Daryl - willingly or not- he’d never seen him show interest in anyone sexually hell even romantically. Were there just no kids there yet?
Negan's thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw Daryl before even reaching Alexandria, of course he was out hunting.
Daryl heard them approaching, turning around only to be met with Negan's fist connecting to his face, knocking Daryl's crossbow out of his hands and onto the ground.
“What the hell!?” The younger of the two hissed out, moving a hand to his lip. Soon they were both throwing punches.
Lydia had caught up to Negan after he first hit Daryl and was desperately telling them to stop at one point trying to get between the two before getting pushed out of the way. They were both arguing amidst the fight, Negan yelling obscenities at Daryl while he did the same to him, honestly it looked like two bucks fighting.
Daryl didn't even question why they were fighting he just went along with it, this was more than whatever Negan was upset about to Daryl and it was obvious.
Just as the fight was hitting its climax with Negan on the ground and Daryl reaching for his crossbow Lydia finally managed to break it up with three words before either could do more damage.
“Beta did it!”
Daryl froze his hand inches away from his crossbow and Negan laid still, also frozen.
After a few silent seconds, they both looked up at her
“It was-” her voice caught in her throat and she put a hand over her mouth before continuing with a painfully shaky voice
“Daryl didn’t do anything.”
Both got out of whatever trance they were in and -despite being winded- got on their feet in seconds. Daryl having a much softer expression on his face and the same went for Negan
“Beta did it?” Daryl questioned his voice soft and she nodded. He seemed to know exactly what Lydia was talking about but even he looked shocked at the mention of Beta.
Negan's eyes met Lydia's and he looked at her apologetically. Both for what those scars mean, who put them there, and for trying to kill Daryl for what he now knows was no reason.
"Beta did it. Not Daryl, not Negan, so just stop fighting okay?” she looked at both of them as she said their names before turning back towards the cabin.
Negan and Daryl remained still before looking over to the other. Clearing his throat awkwardly Negan spoke “sorry for that” and while Daryl scoffed he nodded.
After Daryl collected his crossbow they followed behind Lydia as she headed back towards the cabin quickly, it was clear she was upset and trying to avoid this conversation. Neither man said anything other than Daryl complaining about Negan and his hurting knuckles under his breath.
A few walkers had made their way around the cabin probably thanks to all the shouting. Lydia had been smart enough to bring Henry’s staff with her knocking them onto the floor before finishing them off or leaving them to continue for the cabin.
When they all arrived back Lydia leaned her staff against the counter standing with her back to the both of them with a hand on her temple breathing in shakily.
“Kid?” Negan tried gently, she turned around so fast Negan thought she’d break her back, she moved her hand away from her head and left it hanging loosely in the air in his direction. She opened her mouth to say something only to close it without a word turning to the other counter to lean against the steady surface.
“Lydia-” Daryl tried this time but he didn't get much further.
“Don’t.” She shut him down, her voice emotional but firm.
He kept going though “Lydia you can’t-” she pushed herself off the counter slamming her hands on the one facing the two men and talked over him. If it wasn’t so serious Negan might’ve found it funny.
“Can’t what? What do you want me to say!?”
Negan cut in holding his hands up in surrender “whatever you need to, like in the tower”
she looked at him as if she couldn’t believe he’d say something like that to her, she actually laughed running her hands through her hair
“-like in the tower? Really? Why! Why? To- to make yourself feel better? For your own closure?” neither of them moved and she ran her hands through her hair again even more frustrated
“what do you want to hear!? That I was ‘raped?' That Beta claimed me? That- that my mother watched and didn't help me? That I thought it was normal to be held down and for it to hurt?”
She spat the words out so viciously and both Negan and Daryl could feel how bad things were. Her entire body was shaking and she was scratching at her arms when she wasn't pushing her hair out of the way.
“Lydia you need to-” Negan took a step closer which wasn't the best choice
“don't touch me.” she took a quick step back and so did Negan
“kid listen you need to calm down.” Negan said gently, and maybe that was the straw that broke the camel's back as she started again
“Why? I should've been the one who-” she shook her head and continued turning to the both of them
“He didn’t deserve to die I did! But I was too weak as always,”
Negan wasn’t sure who exactly she was talking about and he didn't think Daryl did either but that didn't matter right now.
“It was how we did things it was- normal- I wasn't a cub anymore- I didn't fight- mama didn't care- she didn't- I wanted her to stop it-”
she was full-on hyperventilating and slid down to sit in the corner between the counter where they couldn't see her as she continued mumbling different and the same things.
Negan felt sick knowing he had told her he liked Alpha. Sure he wasn't aware of this part of the whisperers but he should've guessed. Alpha's proposition in the woods was a hint he didn't take, Mary’s sister and her baby, how quick they were to abandon him.
The red flags were there he just didn't see them, and then he was too caught up in his own blind rage to hear her out before throwing punches at Daryl.
Negan is an idiot.
“Lydia I know it’s hard but you have to breathe” Daryl said calmly taking slow steps into the kitchen with Negan following. Lydia backed herself further into the corner gripping her arms till her knuckles turned white, both the men lowered themselves to the floor keeping their distance to not cause further panic.
And that’s how it stayed for what must have been an hour, Lydia had quietened at some point, and eventually, her grip on her arms loosened and she breathed at a normal enough pace.
Thank fuck as well any longer both his legs would've been dead.
When she seemed to be out of her panic completely Daryl spoke first
“You okay?”
She nodded before abruptly standing, wiping her eyes, and moving out of the kitchen. Both Daryl and Negan followed with cracking joints.
She sat herself down in the bedroom, Again both men followed sitting beside her on the bed, “Lydia you know we can't just pretend this didn't happen” she nodded slowly taking Daryl's words in.
“What do you want me to say?” she whispered out looking over to them for the first time since all this started properly
“Whatever you want us to know” Daryl said with practiced softness.
As if needing Negan's encouragement Lydia focused her eyes on him and he nodded reassuringly
“...it was normal, it was how we did things. If you weren't a cub anymore you needed to be claimed.”
she explained mainly to Negan as she kept her eyes on him, her eyes welling with tears by the second.
“Why didn't you tell me?” Negan asked quietly mainly to himself
“I thought you were gonna do it as well. Mama said it was how things worked everywhere, I didn't want it to happen again.” she waited a few seconds blinking away tears before continuing
“I tried to tell her to stop it. But she said it wouldn't hurt, that it’d be over faster if I kept quiet, that I had to be a good girl because I wasn't a cub anymore, that I needed to be taught.”
Neither spoke, Negan had questions and he was sure Daryl did too but neither knew how or even if to ask them
“She said I was lucky because Beta wouldn't hurt me, because she’d make sure he wouldn’t. She watched it happen, a few of the others did as well”
Negan had many wives when he ruled the Saviors, he’s tried to make people forget it ever happened even if he can't forget himself. He forced them into marriage, Coerced them into sex, took advantage of vulnerable people even if he was the reason for said vulnerability. But he’d never do that completely against their will. Never to a child.
Negan was a monster, he’d proven that to himself numerous times but he wasn't that kind of monster. The kind that steals a child's innocence, what wasn't his to take.
Everyone Negan married had partners before him, sex before he entered their lives, and until he’d gotten their permission he never touched them; no matter how fucked his way of getting permission -or them in general- was.
Lydia didn't even get that choice. She didn't get to experience something that was supposed to be magical before it was ripped away by a monster.
“...How-” he cleared his throat
“When do you stop being a cub?” Negan asked as if it mattered, it didn't change how wrong it was but he hoped, prayed, that she wasn’t a complete child.
“It was different for everyone, but I was the Alphas daughter.” she smiled to herself sadly “She always wanted me to be stronger than the others and I tried. I tried so hard, but it was never enough.”
Lydia looked away from the two and after a shaky breath quietly said
“I was ten, maybe… It wasn’t long after I met Beta and the whisperers formed.”
Ten. Fucking Ten. Nothing would have made it better but ten years old. Negan felt sick. Looking over at Daryl it was clear he did too.
And Negan had never been so happy over someone's death his whole damn life.
“I knew what it was before if you’re wondering. Mama explained it to me.” She was crying that Negan could tell, she made no effort to look at the two though.
The next sentence came out cracked and strained “But I didn't know.”
“I didn't know what was happening, why it had to happen, why mama didn't listen to me.”
Negan pushed down the lump that had risen in his throat while Daryl spoke
“It didn’t have to happen Lydia. It wasn't down to you, That’s on your mother.”
She shook her head lightly and Daryl shuffled a little closer, not touching her.
“Lydia we’ve talked about this remember?” he said with practiced softness, Negan gathered this wasn't their first conversation about this.
She nodded this time and Daryl shifted closer, Negan filling his old spot on the bed as Lydia rested her head on Daryl's shoulder
“...it hurt”
“And you didn’t want it.”
Lydia looked down and then to Negan before finally landing on Daryl “and I didn't want it.”
They all stayed like that for a while, a peaceful silence forming around them.
It was broken when Lydia stood up walking to where Negan was sitting, Daryl watched closely, not fully trusting him
Negan spoke first “This doesn't change anything with us, you know that kiddo?” he nodded forward while speaking trying to drill it into her that he was being truthful. And he was.
The only thing this changed was his feelings towards her mother, to Beta, and even to Daryl. Nothing changed with Lydia, not negatively anyway.
She smiled and Negan stood to hug her, she accepted, and after an awkward and highly uncomfortable stare, Negan with a small nod invited Daryl. And after painstakingly trying to hug Lydia more than Negan he joined in.
The rest of the day was quiet, Daryl left before it got dark and Lydia and Negan had their own Conversation about things. She didn't say what exactly happened, just repeated what she said before but in a more coherent way.
Which was fine, Negan didn't need to hear what she went through exactly, or even what she did say again but he listened.
He’d listen again if she wanted him to.