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The burning in your throat is what rips you from your sleep. The bile rises faster than you are prepared for, and you launch from the bed and dart towards the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of your stomach into the toilet.
Your throat stings, your eyes water, and you’re so focused on trying not to puke again that you don’t even hear the familiar tapping of a cane on the floor until a soft fabric is draped over your shoulders. Taking a deep breath, you reach up and slip your arms through the sleeves of what you realize is your robe, before leaning back to sit on your heels.
“Thanks,” you mutter, sighing as a soothing hand rubs up and down your back. “I’m surprised you’re still here.”
“I must have needed the rest,” Viktor teases lightly, hand still rubbing your back slowly as he lets out a sigh of his own. “I wish you would go to the doctor, this is the third day you’ve been sick.”
You nod, unable to stop the bitter thought that crosses your mind.
Why do you care?
You turn and look up at him, giving him a weak smile, “I’ll go today.”
He looks at you skeptically, “Promise?”
You chuckle, “You’re one to lecture about taking care of themselves,” you tease, fixing him with a stern look.
He rolls his eyes, before looking at you expectantly. You sigh.
“Fine. I promise, I’ll go to the doctor later today.”
Viktor smiles at you and nods, giving your shoulder a firm squeeze before he leaves.
· ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── ·
You try not to let the bitterness well up inside you as Viktor gets dressed and leaves to meet Jayce at the lab. It’s been this way for months now. You’ve been friends with the scientist for more than a year now and your… arrangement started just a few months ago.
Friends with benefits.
You have to hold back a huff at the absurdity of it. You never thought Viktor would even look at you in any other light than a friend, let alone like that. But one late night in the lab and a few glasses of wine turned into much more. Something more that just continued on, providing you both with well needed relief and…happiness.
Because that’s what being with Viktor made you feel. Happiness and… love . That word makes the tears flow from your eyes as you look at the paper crumpled in your hand. The bitterness from earlier clashing with the other feelings swirling in your chest.
You just got back from the doctor. The whole walk home you felt numb, but now, as you sit on your bed with the godforsaken paper in your hand, everything is hitting you all at once.
The bolded print on the paper mocks you as your tears soak into the parchment, fear and uncertainty settling heavy in your stomach.
Pregnant.
· ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── ·
Viktor has stopped by for the last three days, knocking on your door asking you to let him in. But you ignore him. You let him knock until you’re sure his knuckles hurt, let him call out to you until eventually the clicking of his cane fades away and it’s silent again.
You have no clue what to do. No clue what to tell him. You can’t do it. Because the minute you face him and tell him you’re pregnant with his baby, you’re going to spill everything else too. All your feelings, all the bitterness that’s built up inside you. All the love too.
So, you send him away.
Another round of knocking pulls you from your thoughts, causing you to sit up straighter in your seat at the dining room table. The coffee you’d made yourself is cold now, barely even a sip gone from the mug.
You plan to ignore him again, but instead of the accented voice you love so much, a different voice floats through the door. Jayce calls your name before knocking again.
“I know you’re in there,” he says, “please talk to me. If you won’t talk to Viktor, at least talk to me. He’s…he’s worried, we’re worried-“
You walk over and open the door before he can continue, and the action stops him in his tracks. His eyes are wide as he looks at you, surprised you actually opened the door for him.
“What do you want Jayce?” You sigh, leaning against the door, eyes never leaving his.
He stumbles over his words for a minute before he takes a breath and gestures towards you. “Can I come in?”
Stepping back, you nod, opening the door to let Jayce in before closing it behind him, completely unaware of the presence standing just a few feet down the hallway.
“What do you want Jayce?” You repeat your question as you walk further into the apartment keeping a few feet between you and your friend.
The man looks at you for a minute, before finally speaking. “I want to know what’s wrong. I want to know why you haven’t been at the lab in a week. I want to know why you’re ignoring Viktor-“
“That’s none of your business-“
Jayce scoffs, “Well Viktor made it my business when he told me about your little… arrangement.”
You feel embarrassment, anger, and many other things bubble to the surface again. “He had no right. He - we…it just happened, okay?”
Jayce shakes his head pinching the bridge of his nose, “That still doesn’t explain where you’ve been or why you’ve been ignoring Viktor. He’s barely been able to sleep, the only time he leaves the lab is to come to try and see you. He’s worried-“
You scoff at his words, biting your lips to try and hold back the tears welling in your eyes. “That’s rich,” you manage to say, voice thick with tears, “you make it sound like he actually cares.”
“He does care-“
“Bullshit!” You cry, the tears finally spilling over. All the emotions from the last few days coming forth in waves you can’t control.
“I love him Jayce!” You finally admit, saying the words out loud for the first time. “I’ve loved him for months now and I know he doesn’t feel the same way. Why would he? And now-“ a harsh sob rips from your chest as you shove your hand into the pocket of your robe, finger wrapping around the paper before pulling it out and thrusting it into Jayce’s hands.
“Now I’m fucking pregnant, with the baby of someone who doesn’t even want me!” Your tears are coming full force now, you don’t even see the shock on Jayce’s face as he looks down at the paper.
The room is deathly silent for a moment, the only sounds being your wet sniffles and shaky breaths as you try to gain some composure.
“I don’t…” you take a shaky breath, “I can’t tell him.” You admit, voice weak. “You guys are just now discovering something groundbreaking. The hexgates, hextech, it’s…it’s so much bigger than anything else. Bigger than me.”
It’s then that it hits you. The true reason behind your bitterness. It wasn’t because you thought Viktor doesn’t love you like you do him. It’s because you know he can’t. Or at least you feel like he can’t. How can he when he’s on the verge of greatness? The verge of changing life as you know it for the better. How could he possibly have time to love someone when he has all that ahead of him?
It would be selfish to weigh him down with anything else.
“You have to tell him.” Jayce’s voice is still as he speaks, his eyes firm as he holds the paper out in front of him.
You shake your head. “No.”
“He deserves to know!” Your friend's voice rises in volume as he speaks so much that neither of you hear the slight creak of your front door.
“I can’t put this on him!” You reason, voice breaking again, “he barely takes care of himself , Jayce. How do you expect him to take care of a baby? Of a family?”
Jayce’s moves to speak, but a soft familiar accented voice interrupts yoru screaming match and makes your best plummet to the floor.
“I believe that’s a decision I should have a say in?” Viktors eyes are gentle as he looks at you, standing in your doorway looking paler than usual.
Jayce looks back at his friend, regret clear on his face. “Vik, I didn’t-“
Viktor holds up a hand and shakes his head. “I’d like a moment alone, if that’s alright.”
Jayce doesn’t speak at first. Instead he just gives a sharp nod, before handing the paper to Viktor and walking towards the door. However before he leaves, he turns to face you both.
“I don’t want to see either of you in the lab until you’ve worked shit out.”
And then he’s gone.
The silence between you and Viktor is deafening, and if you had eaten anything you think it would probably make a reappearance. You watch silently as Viktor's eyes scan the paper before flicking up to meet your own. His eyes are soft, the golden irises you’ve come to love swim in something you can quite place.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” He asks, voice soft as he takes small steps towards you.
“Of course I was going to tell you,” you say quietly, all the fight slipping from your limbs, replaced instead with exhaustion. “I just…I was trying to figure out how.”
The man nods in understanding before folding the paper and setting it on the table before approaching you again. He’s within arms reach now, sns you want nothing more than for him to hold you, to tell you everything is going to be okay.
And to your surprise, he does exactly that.
He pulls you into him slowly with one arm wrapping around your waist. Your head falls to his shoulder instinctively, nose nuzzling into his neck and breathing in his familiar scent. The one that makes you relax almost immediately into his embrace.
His voice is so quiet as he speaks, you’re sure you wouldn’t have heard him if he weren’t so close. “I had no idea…” his fingers press into your waist firmly, “here you were thinking you weren't worthy of me, when I was thinking the same about you.” He admits gently, warm breath fanning over your cheek as he urges you away so he can gaze down at you.
Your brows pull together in confusion. “You mean…”
Viktor smiles down at you and nods. “I’ve loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you,” he confesses, hand coming up to cup your cheek, “but I never thought…I didn’t want to say anything in fear of losing you all together. It was selfish, I suppose but…I wanted to take whatever you would give me. And I almost lost you anyway.”
You feel the tears threatening to return as you bring your own hands up to cradle his face in your hands. His hair tickles the tips of your fingers, and you can’t stop the smile that tugs at your lips.
“Well…” you begin, lensing in your rest your forehead against his, “you’ll have plenty of time to make it up to me…if you want.”
Viktor gives you a small smile of his own and nods, your noses bumping together. “I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you,” he reaches out and lays a gentle hand on your tummy, “and to them. If you’ll have me.”
You respond to his proposal by pressing your lips to his own, smiling into the action as he wraps his arms around you once more, cane falling forgotten to the floor. Your hands fall to his shoulders, fisting the material of his shirt in your hands as if you're afraid he’ll disappear if you let go. But when you do pull away, it’s just enough so you can speak, your lips brushing against his.
“Of course we’ll have you,” you tell him, slightly breathless. “I love you Viktor.”
The scientist smiles.
“I love you too.”