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“-no. It’s not important,” Oswald cut himself off.
Ed was puzzled. The mayor had been doing that more and more lately. It was clear there was something bothering him, but Ed couldn’t figure out what it was, and from Oswald’s attitude it seemed like he’d have to figure it out on his own.
The first thing he notices is Oswald’s distant stares. They’d be in the middle of a briefing when he’d look up to catch the older man’s eyes focused on some point in the distance. Whatever was bothering him, it must have been extremely distracting.
The next odd thing is just how often the other man smiles. Oswald had always been emotional, but now he was practically giddy. He’d fight off smirks at inopportune moments and practically prance his way through his public appearances. It looked good to the press, but was confounding for Ed.
The idea that it might be a crush doesn’t hit him until he’s a few drinks deep with Barbara at The Sirens. She was going on about Tabitha’s quest for Butch.
“She’s all gooey over him. It’s honestly disgusting. Can barely keep her attention on anything else…”
Ed nods politely as his neurons fire. Oswald must be in love. It was the only explanation. All the signs were there, but Ed just had to figure out who this lucky individual was.
A week passes and Ed’s had no luck. Oswald doesn’t have many friends, and those he has he only spends time with when it’s beneficial to him. The employees at City Hall all duck their heads and treat him with reverence, and he speaks to them all like underlings. There’s no extra spark of recognition or nepotism to indicate any of them have caught the Mayor’s eye. And as far as business partners go… Oswald is more likely to shoot off their heads than hold a civil conversation.
As his investigation continues to turn up nothing, Ed decides to bring up the matter in conversation. He’s sure if he broaches the topic first, Oswald will be more open to at least hinting at who this mystery suitor could be.
“You know, Oswald,” Ed begins one night as they laze in front of the fire, “you know all about my lovelife, but I’ve never heard a peep about yours.”
Oswald blinks out of that familiar hazy grin and his cheeks redden slightly. “I’m afraid that’s because there’s nothing to tell, friend.”
Ed shakes his head in dramatic incredulity. “You’re the King of Gotham! Surely there must have been someone.”
Oswald sighs evasively. He gazes back into the fire.
“Right there!” Ed exclaims in triumph, “Who are you thinking of?”
“If I told you, it wouldn’t be much fun, now would it?” The upturning of his lips present a challenge.
Edward Nygma is more than willing to accept. He grins back. “You sly dog! At least give me a hint.”
The Penguin makes a show of pondering before he presents a simple statement to Edward. “He saved my life.” Ed’s eyebrows scrunch together and Oswald stands up from the couch.
“Well, Edward, I’m off to bed. Let me know when you figure it out!” He waves a few coy fingers before drifting lightly out of the room.
Ed watches him go, mind buzzing with this new development.
~
It isn’t long before Ed comes to a conclusion. The two major clues from that conversation were that 1, the person Oswald was infatuated with was a man, and 2, he had saved his life.
The first revelation rolls off of Edward like water from a duck’s back. While it took him a bit off guard at first, he quickly decides that his best friend’s proclivities aren’t his concern and it’s more important to focus on the heart of the matter.
Who was responsible for saving Oswald’s life?
There were many individuals Ed was aware of who had helped Oswald escape certain death, and those were only the ones Oswald had told him about. He needed more specific details.
~
“Oswald, please,” Ed pleaded, all but tugging on the shorter man’s sleeve, “just a qualifier! There must be hundreds of men who have rescued you in some form or another. Can I have a physical descriptor? Age? Height?”
Oswald smirked over his glass of orange juice. “I’m not going to just give something like that to you. Too easy.” He took a gulp of juice and then set the glass down thoughtfully. “How about this: he worked in law enforcement.”
Ed scans his face once more for good measure and then nods in thanks.
It turns out that Ed isn’t the only one curious to find out who’s holding Oswald’s heart. The tabloids have long since wrung the topic of Oswald’s love life dry, but now the gossip columns of the Gazette have started theorizing. Ed cuts each one dutifully out of the papers and looks for connections in his bedroom.
To Ed’s chagrin, the articles aren’t very helpful. They all seem to circle around the same basic talking points.
“The mayor and his chief of staff seem very close…”
“...They were reportedly roommates…”
“What wouldn’t Mayor Cobblepot do for Edward Nygma?”
He brushes them all aside. There must be something they’re all missing. He decides to look for a more detailed record.
~
Striding back into the GCPD isn’t as thrilling the second time, though the looks he receives from the officers as he walks through the entrance put a pleasant spring into Ed’s step. It’s the least suspicious thing in the world to claim to be looking for anything on Mayor Cobblepot’s record, and there’s nothing Captain Barnes can do to deter him.
Ed smiles savagely and leads himself into the archives, following the familiar path to Oswald’s thick file. He finds himself reminiscing back to when he was a bright eyed recruit, eagerly researching the Penguin as a hobby. That nervous boy had no clue what a beautiful future he had in store.
He chuckles to himself. Even before he knew Oswald he’d been fascinated with him. And for good reason, it’s not everyday a man cheats death. Fish Mooney had ordered him killed and he’d survived.
But he wouldn’t have survived without the help of - Ed’s stomach sank - James Gordon.
Ed quickly puts the lid back on the box and all but rushes out of the police station.
He isn’t quite sure why this revelation feels so wrong. It’s not like it doesn’t make sense. Jim had saved Oswald’s life multiple times, even if he had betrayed him just as many. Plus the law enforcement connection. When combined with the favor in which Oswald had often referred to the detective, and the inexplicable loyalty he showed regardless how little Jim reciprocated, it was obvious that Gordon was the unfortunate distraction plaguing Oswald’s mind.
Ed chalks his indignant shudder up to simple disgust as he walks pointedly back to his waiting vehicle. Oswald deserved so much better, but the heart unfortunately wants what it wants. There was solace in the fact that, as far as Ed knew, Jim was currently romantically involved with a woman.
A journalist.
An idea scratched at Edward’s scalp.
~
“‘THE PUZZLE OF THE PENGUIN’S PARAMOUR’ by Valerie Vale,” Ed reads aloud over breakfast a few days later, glancing up to gauge Oswald’s expression. It’s serene and calculated but Ed feels a familiar prickle of apprehension at the intensity of his gaze.
The look doesn’t shift until Ed gets to the end of the first column, which had been detailing information about the kingpin’s turbulent relationship with Detective Gordon from ‘a reliable source’.
“Thoughts so far?” Ed poses, teeth bared in a preemptive victory.
Oswald is unruffled. “Are you going to finish it?” he asks as he runs an absent minded hand through his hair.
Ed looks down cautiously and begins the second half of the article.
“While Cobblepot and Gordon may have flirted with legality in the past, there is another place where the mayor’s affections could lie.
“Edward Nygma is Cobblepot’s chief of staff. The two have a mysterious history, but public record shows that the two have been nearly inseparable since Nygma’s release from Arkham Asylum earlier this year. They even live together at Cobblepot’s family estate.
“From rumors of love riddles to Cobblepot publicly saving Nygma from attempted murder, public speculation has been flying as to just how deep this relationship goes. But what is Cobblepot’s take on this whole conundrum?
“‘Jim Gordon and I have gone through a lot together, but I wouldn’t go that far,’ Cobblepot stated with a chuckle in a phone interview. ‘Ed, however, is my dearest friend. I truly believe I’d be lost without him.’ He went on to describe the circumstances in which they met. ‘He was still working at the GCPD then. We were in different worlds… [but] fate is a funny thing.’ About his and Nygma’s current partnership, he said, ‘My mother always told me to stay close to the good things in my life, so as soon as I found out he’d been released from Arkham I knew there was no one else I wanted by my side.’
Cobblepot’s stance on the rumors themselves is a positive one. ‘I honestly find them flattering. It’s another reminder of how much the people care about me... I just hope they can use the energy they spend on these theories to support me in other venues.”
The article ended with some promotion for one of Oswald’s upcoming rallies. Ed’s voice had become softer with every new paragraph, but after the last quote he went silent.
“Thoughts?” Oswald echoes, propping his chin up with his hand. He has a piranha’s grin on his face.
Ed blushes a dark red. He can hear the blood drumming in his ears.
“How did you…?” Ed can barely squeak out the question.
“Ms. Vale is a good journalist,” Oswald states, peering sweetly at Ed through his long eyelashes. He inspects the nails on his right hand. “She told me about this story that had fallen into her lap and I believe it was you who had recommended I promote that event more seriously. It felt like fate,” he purrs.
Ed pushes his fingers beneath his glasses to rub at his eyes.
“Ed,” Oswald asks politely once the other man’s hands have left his face, “why didn’t you just ask me?”
“I wanted to…” what? Ed asks himself. Prove you wrong? Put Gordon in his place? Show you what you were missing? “I just wanted to solve the mystery.”
Oswald sighs heavily. “I should have guessed.” He pushes himself away from the breakfast table.
“Wait.” The strength of Ed’s voice as he stands up surprises even him.
“Yes?”
“When was it?”
Oswald leans onto the back of the chair for support. They’re only a few inches apart. “When was what?”
“When did you figure it out? That you, uh,” Ed adjusts his glasses, suddenly sweaty, “you know.” He looks down at the table and gestures vaguely to himself.
“When I broke you out of Arkham.” His tone is painfully casual. “You?”
Ed blinks up at him in shock. “I, uh.”
“I would do anything for you.”
“What’s worthless to one, priceless to two…”
“Why are you being so kind?”
“Regular visits. Lilies. Check.”
“For men like us, it will always be our greatest weakness.”
“Did you know male emperor penguins keep their eggs warm by holding them on their feet? Isn’t that neat?”
“I don’t know. Always, maybe. Right now? It’s not, I don’t-”
Oswald stares at him, eyes searching for something as he rambles on.
Oh.
Ed shuts up.