Chapter Text
Rule number 19 of Matchmaking:
Finding your client’s perfect match is only the start of their journey.
Don’t forget to congratulate yourself once everything’s worked out. You’ve earned it!
Izzy had been through his fair share of Edward’s “moods” before. Those periods where absolutely nothing could please him. And in the past, Izzy had considered himself well equipped to deal with that. That mostly meant ignoring Edward’s glowering the best he could until the man managed to snap himself out of it and return to normal.
Today was an exception. This was no normal level of put out.
For the love of God, the man was pouting. He was behaving like a full on petulant child who had been told he wasn’t allowed to have any cookies before suppertime. Which was quite the dissonant experience, as the two of them were carted around town in a horse drawn carriage adorned with wreaths of flowers.
Edward was slouched down in his seat, arms crossed over his chest, and refused to look anywhere besides directly ahead of them as they rode together in silence.
“Are you going to be like this for the rest of the evening?” Izzy finally asked to break that silence.
“Probably.”
“It’s not my fault we’re here,” Izzy reminded him. “You’re the one who insisted we indulge in this shitshow.”
“I know.”
“So would it kill you to pretend like you’re enjoying yourself?”
Edward rolled his head aside to look at Izzy with a deadpan expression.
“I can’t believe this is really happening,” he said in the flattest tone he could manage. “It’s a dream come true.”
Izzy scowled at him and said “Fine. Keep throwing your temper tantrum. See if I care.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m having the time of my life right now. Nothing says romance like the smell of horse shit.”
“You’ve made your point, Edward.”
“Is there a chapel on that list of places for us to visit? If not, we should add it in there, so we can elope by the end of this date.”
“Fuck off.”
“Hello? Sir? Can you make this carriage go any faster?”
When Stede had first arrived to the start of the horse drawn carriage route and found an empty carriage waiting to pick up passengers, he had considered himself lucky.
That consideration faded almost immediately.
Lightning, the name of the horse in charge of carting him across town, had absolutely nothing in common with the natural phenomena she was named for. ‘Snail’ would have been a much more appropriate title. Or Granny. Or ‘Thousand year old tortoise who has an entire biodome growing on its back because nature mistook it for a rock’.
The driver, equally as aged and hunched over, wasn’t helping the situation either.
“No can do, son,” the driver rasped out. “You see, Lightning here’s got some mighty sore joints on her. This lady and I have been pulling carriages for over 25 years! She’s still got it in her though, don’t ya girl? We’re not out of the game yet, no sir. Not us.”
Stede started impatiently tapping his foot on the floor of the carriage, anxiously looking around for any sign of Edward and Izzy.
“Heck. Five years ago was when Marjorie… that’s the owner of the carriage service, and my baby sister. Thinks she knows everything, don’t she? … where was I? Oh, that’s right. Well, Marjorie said that me and Lightning ought to lay down our reins and quit. That was ten years ago, wasn’t it? But look at us! Still kickin. We were here when this carriage service started and by god, we’ll still be working when it goes under.”
“Fascinating,” Stede said through clenched teeth. “I just had a wonderful idea! How about a detour? There’s a few alleyways that should be able to fit a carriage of this size through it-”
“Sorry, son. Can’t do that either. These here horses are trained to take just the one path. Any sort of deviation from their usual route makes them anxious. Especially Ol’ Lightning here. And trust me, you don’t want to be in the path of a scared horse.”
“Yes. I’m sure Lightning is terribly destructive-” Stede started.
Then the horse came to a full stop.
“Are you kidding- what is it now!?” Stede exclaimed.
“Oop. Looks like Lightning found somethin’,” said the driver. He slowly stood out of his seat, bones creaking, and looked over the side of the carriage to see what the horse had stooped her head down to look at. “... Lightning! You leave that alone, you hear! Don’t you dare put that trash in your mouth!”
Stede’s patience had finally run its course. It was now painfully clear that he could move faster on foot than by staying along for the ride, so he took the opportunity to exit the carriage and jump down onto the street.
“Hey! Where are you going?!” the driver asked.
“I’m in a hurry!” Stede explained. “Don’t worry, I’ve already paid!”
“You’re not going to leave a tip?”
Stede pulled his entire purse out from one of his pockets and tossed it into the carriage as he shouted “Keep the change!” before he took off jogging down the street.
As long as Edward’s carriage moved at a slow trot, he still had time to catch up. All he had to do was follow the path he had memorized for the carriages, and hurry along as quickly as possible.
In theory, it was a solid plan. In practice… Stede experienced a few problems.
His shoes, while terribly fashionable, were not well equipped for running along cobblestone roads. His heels kept catching on ridges and sent him stumbling constantly. His well-tailored jacket had also been designed without strenuous physical activity in mind. It was stuffy, and the fabric didn’t breathe at all. By the time he made it several streets down the path he was a hot mess. Sweaty, out of breath, and beyond frazzled.
He wouldn’t be able to continue in his current state. He needed some sort of solution.
Stede desperately searched the street for any sort of fix. There was a clothing store located conveniently on the corner that he was about to step into, until he remembered that he’d just hawked the only funds on his person at the carriage driver. He’d have to find another option.
Inspiration struck when he saw a man sitting off to the side of the road, bottle in hand, who appeared to be similar to his own build.
Stede hurried over to the stranger, wasting no time.
“You there! Sir! I need to see one of your shoes,” he said.
The man, well into his drinks, blinked up blearily at Stede. After a few moments of consideration, he shrugged, popped one of the shoes off, and held it out towards Stede.
Stede accepted the flat shoe and took one of his own off, pressing the bottom of his foot to the sole of it to compare it for size.
“Perfect,” Stede said. He took his other shoe off, and tossed them on the ground next to the man. “And the other one as well, if you would.”
“You muggin’ me?” the drunkard asked.
“No, I am making an equivalent exchange. Your shoes for mine,” said Stede. In order to expedite the process, he sat down on the road in front of the man and took off his other shoe for him, starting to place both raggedy flats on his own feet.
“Help! Help, A’hm bein’ mugged!”
“I’m not stealing from you, calm down!”
“Yoooouuu mother fucker-”
Stede struggled back up until he was standing again, removed his jacket, and tossed it down on top of the drunk man.
“There! See? Now you’re the one profiting off of this deal. Are you happy now?” Stede asked.
The drunk held the jacket out at arms length as he surveyed it, wrinkling his nose at the garment before he said “Ah don’ have anythin’ that matches this.”
“It’s a white jacket. It matches with anything that’s white.”
“Aye, but I don’t own white.”
Stede was so frustrated he could scream. Being a proper gentleman who did not cause scenes in public unless absolutely necessary, he decided to forgo that option. Instead, he quickly undid all of the buttons on his vest and tossed that down as well, saying “There. Now you have a nice vest to go with it. Happy?”
Instead of offering any sort of reply, the drunkard wiped his mouth and dirt-caked face with the vest.
Screaming was starting to become more tempting with every passing minute of the day.
Still, he calmed himself. At least it couldn’t get any worse.
“Woah, Lightning! Easy!” came a distressed cry from down the road.
Lighting was at a full gallop, tugging the carriage along behind her as she raced through the streets. She charged right past Stede, pulling the cart through a questionable puddle of muddy water, and sprayed it all over him as she went past.
Stede looked at the mud and water dripping down off of his shirt and pants, and shouted “Oh, come on!”
“Next up on the tasting menu, we have one of our best imported Malbec wines. This specific wine was brewed in the town of Cahors, in the south west of France…”
The man leading the wine tasting for Edward and Izzy was truly trying his best with what he had.
When he’d been informed that he’d be leading a tasting for a pair of men on a romantic outing, he thought, thank god. He’d be in the company of a fellow pair of homosexuals. He could finally enjoy himself during a tasting instead of catering to wealthy straight couples and their marital problems, and have to pick up a side-gig in the moment as a couple’s counselor.
What he ended up getting was somehow worse than any couple he had ever hosted a private event for before. These two men had either had a heated argument directly before arriving at the wine tasting, or their next appointment was showing up at a divorce court hearing.
But still, he was a professional. He’d make it work. Somehow.
“Since it was aged in an oak barrel, you might catch the hints of its smoky flavor profile….”
Edward picked up one of the wine glasses of Malbec that the host had poured for them, and knocked it all back in one shot before he said “Tastes exactly like the last one.”
“The Pinot Noir?” the host asked. Then, trying to keep the conversation on track, followed that with “There are some similarities between the two. Though, many would say that Pinot Noir is a more delicate wine than Malbecs, due to having fewer tannins- Oh. Sir? Please don’t do that.”
He had to stop his explanation when Izzy picked up the bottle of Malbec and attempted to refill his glass.
“This is a wine tasting, is it not?” asked Izzy, as he went ahead and poured the wine into his glass without waiting for permission. “I’m tasting the wine.”
“Yes, sir. But ah… you see, we have already sampled that one. And I’ve noticed you’ve put quite a fair amount in your glass, which will affect the flavor of it, as the wine will get less oxygen,” the host noted.
Edward added his two cents by saying “Trust me. If you’ve had the day we’ve had, you’d be going for quantity over quality too.”
“That’s really not the point of these events…” the host tried. “In fact, ideally, you wouldn’t actually consume the wine at all. That’s what the spit bucket is for,” he said, pointing out a sleek black bucket placed at the corner of the table.
“You don’t say? Fine. Let’s try things your way,” Izzy replied.
Izzy held his pinky out as he took a delicate sip from the wine in his glass, swirled it around in his mouth for a moment, then spit it out down onto the ground at the host’s feet before he smiled with malice and said “You were right. It does have a smoky profile.”
“Stede likes wine,” Edward declared mournfully to his empty glass.
Edward and Izzy had already left the wine tasting by the time Stede showed up.
So far he was down one pair of shoes, his jacket, his vest, and now his cravat, which he had to use to help mop up some wine spills as he apologized profusely to the traumatized sommelier left behind.
At the rate he was traveling, Stede was never going to catch up. In fact, he was so far behind, he was sure that the date had already moved past the shopping trip he had planned and was now well into the violin concert.
This could have worked in his favor. Edward and Izzy were at a stationary location. All he had to do was find them in the audience, and he’d be set.
What he hadn’t taken into consideration was the presence of an incredibly unhelpful doorman.
“You don’t understand,” Stede tried to explain, as clearly as he could. “I’m not going to stay for the concert. I just need to go inside for a few minutes to find someone.”
“Doesn’t matter. You still need a ticket,” said the doorman stubbornly.
“But this is very important! The love of my life is in there with another man! Couldn’t you bend the rules just this one time? For love?”
“No ticket, no entry.”
Stede glared at the sentry as sourly as he could, and put his hands on his hips as he said “Well, fine. Have it your way. I’ll just have to wait right here until the show ends.”
“No loitering.”
“You can’t tell me where I’m allowed to stand!”
The doorman nodded over to a sign placed next to the front doors of the establishment. It read ‘PRIVATE PROPERTY. NO LOITERING’.
Apparently, he could tell Stede where he was allowed to stand. So with one final indignant huff, Stede proceeded to escort himself off of the premises.
Or rather, escort himself just far enough down the street until the doorman was no longer looking in his direction, at which point he quickly ducked into a back alleyway.
All he had to do was stay hidden away there, until he heard the sounds of the show finishing and people leaving the auditorium. He had the perfect vantage point from there. Even if he couldn’t see the front doors, the alley he was in carried the music from the concert very clearly.
Suspiciously clear.
One would think that brick walls would do something to muffle the sounds from within the music hall. But the alley was filled with it.
Stede looked down the alley and discovered the reason behind that phenomena.
The sound came from a stage door that hadn’t been shut all the way.
As the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens. And so, Stede’s plan immediately shifted.
Everyone in that theater had their eyes drawn to one place.
If Stede wanted to get Edward’s attention, all he had to do was step into the spotlight. A place he now had incredibly easy access to.
5 minutes of sneaking around backstage later, he made it to his destination.
Stede rushed out onto the stage, and the music slowly petered off to a halt.
“Hello! Terribly sorry for the interruption, this won’t take long-” Stede announced to the crowd before him.
“Get off the stage!” shouted a cantankerous patron.
“I shall! After I’ve had my say. I promise,” said Stede. He squinted in the lights, trying to spot any sign of Edward out in the audience. “Ed! Are you there?!”
“What do you want?” a man with a thick accent responded from the front row.
“Not you,” Stede clarified, waving a hand dismissively at the stranger. Unable to make out any other faces in the crowd, Stede decided to just give a general statement in hopes that Edward would come forward. “Ed, there’s been a terrible misunderstanding! You were never supposed to go on this date with Izzy!”
“My wife’s name is Emma,” said not-Stede’s-Edward.
“Again, sir, I cannot stress this enough, I’m not addressing you,” Stede said quickly before he returned to his speech. “I was the one who was supposed to meet you! I’m your perfect match!”
“I don’t even know you,” not-Edward said.
“Would you shut up!” Stede snapped out at the front row.
At that point, two large men serving as security for the venue stepped out onto the stage and started to approach Stede with the clear intention of removing him.
Stede managed to avoid them by jogging across the stage to one corner.
“This whole day was supposed to be for the two of us, so I could show you how much you mean to me! There’s no one in this world I’d rather-”
Stede had to duck out of the way when one of the security guards tried to capture him, and ran to the other side of the stage to escape again.
“No one I’d rather spend the rest of my life with! I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you this before, I just wanted it to be perfect-”
This time he wasn’t so lucky. One of the men pursuing him managed to grab a firm hold of his arm.
“Unhand me!” Stede commanded. He tried to pull back. In doing so he was able to free his arm, but the guard curled his fingers into the loose sleeve of Stede’s shirt and kept a solid grip there. The force of Stede pulling back caused the threads along his shoulder seam to snap, leaving a decent sized hole in his shirt.
This distracted Stede just long enough for the other guard to come up on his other side and grasp his other arm. Both security personnel finally had Stede secured, and set about dragging him off stage so the concert could continue undisturbed.
Stede went limp out of spite to make it as difficult as possible to pull him off stage, using all his energy in one last attempt to reach Edward.
“I’ll wait outside for you!!! Don’t leave with Izzy!”
Edward and Izzy were not, in fact, at the concert.
They’d never shown up in the first place.
Izzy needed a break from Edward groaning his way through another pseudo-romantic activity, so he brought the two of them to a bar.
At said pub, Edward ordered one whiskey, drank half of it, then spent the remainder of their time there hunched over the surface of the bar, face down against the wooden surface.
The bartender came over after he noticed that Edward had gone for about 10 minutes without moving and asked Izzy “Do I need to cut him off?”
“He’s not drunk. Just pathetic,” said Izzy, scooping up Edward’s nearly untouched drink to finish it off for him. “Do you have anything stronger than this?”
The bartender did a quick scan of the bottles behind the bar, and said “I’ve got something that I found in the back last week. No idea what it is, no label on the bottle. Tastes like rubbing alcohol. I’ve been using it to clean the counters at the end of the night.”
“Perfect. We’ll take two.”
There was no surprise at all when Stede showed up to the local dance studio, only to find the instructor already packing up her belongings.
“I’m so sorry, classes are… done for the day…” the instructor said, warily taking in Stede’s disheveled state.
Stede didn’t bother with pleasantries. He went right to his point, asking “I’m looking for someone. Two men in particular. Did you just give a lesson to a pair of leather-clad gentlemen? Well- one gentleman and one sentient rat if we’re being honest.”
“They just left.”
“Just!” Stede exclaimed enthusiastically. “You mean they left recently?! Within the past fifteen minutes?!”
“I guess?”
“Excellent!”
That meant Stede was catching up, and closing in. Finally.
He raced back out of the studio door to continue his pursuit.
A moment later, he popped his head around the corner and said “... I probably shouldn’t ask this. It’s just going to upset me.”
He reconsidered his query, then shook his head.
“Bad idea. I’m not going to ask. Have a nice day.”
Stede disappeared again. Two moments after he was gone, he appeared from around the corner again.
“Did they dip?” asked Stede.
“They dipped,” the instructor confirmed.
“Fuck!”
“If it makes you feel any better, it didn’t go well. The tall one dropped the rat man on the ground.”
“That does actually make me feel better, thank you.”
“Edward, stop hogging all of the black paint.”
Izzy tried to reach over to pull a jar of black paint on the table between them slightly closer, but Edward picked it up before Izzy could reach it. It would remain in his hand for the remainder of their art session.
The painting instructor for the class stood warily behind the two of them, watching as Edward added more black paint to the giant black circle he was creating in the middle of his canvas.
Neither man was painting the bowl of fruit that had been set up for them.
“That’s a very… interesting composition you’re creating, Mr. Teach,” the painter said.
“I’m painting my emotions,” Edward explained, moving his paintbrush around the abyss in a slow circle. “It's self expression.”
“... I see,” said the painter. She switched her attention over to Izzy’s canvas, also finding herself lost for words at the image he was creating. “And Mr. Hands. You’re working on… a dog?”
“It’s supposed to be a ship,” Izzy explained, jabbing some more brown onto the canvas. “It doesn’t look like a fucking ship, because I don’t have any fucking black paint to outline it with.”
Edward took his brush and slapped a huge glob of black into the direct center of Izzy’s painting.
“Do you see what I have to deal with?” Izzy asked the painter. “Unbelievable.”
“You’re unbelievable,” said Edward.
“Shut up.”
The night was almost over, and thank God for that.
All that was left for Izzy and Edward to suffer through was taking a rowboat out to the center of a local pond, where they could wait until the appropriate time when Stede would be expecting them to return.
As planned, Izzy rowed them out to the middle of the water. Once they reached their destination Edward had laid back and lounged out in the boat, taking up as much space as possible as he monologued his woes.
“... and I just thought things were going so well between us. He told me that he adored every part of me, and that I was like home to him. Am I crazy for thinking that’s romantic? I don’t know, Iz. Maybe I am losing my mind,” Edward lamented.
“You lost it years ago, Edward. This isn’t madness. It’s worse.”
Edward rolled over onto his side so he could look at the water over the edge of the boat, and gently skimmed his fingertips over the surface of it.
“It’s always two steps forward and one step back with us. Right when the moment feels right, something happens and it makes me second guess everything all over again. Do you think that’s some higher power telling me that it isn’t meant to be?” asked Edward.
“Do you want my honest opinion?”
“Mmh. Not really.”
“Then stop asking.”
Edward sat up in the boat and frowned at Izzy, saying “I’m just trying to get all of this off my chest, man. I’m venting.”
“I’m not a diary. If you want to get in touch with your emotions, go bother someone else,” said Izzy.
“I’m not bothering you. You’d fucking know if I was bothering you.”
“You bother me on a daily basis. I am painfully aware of it.”
In order to display his true bothering potential, Edward reached over and poked his finger into Izzy’s shoulder, gently shoving it.
“Very mature,” said Izzy, scowling at him. “Are you finished?”
Edward was not. This time when he reached up, he flicked the side of Izzy’s head.
Izzy held a hand against the assaulted spot and said “Enough-”
Edward tried to flick Izzy’s forehead, but Izzy swatted his hand away before it could make contact. This left Izzy’s side open to attack, so Edward jabbed him in the ribs.
“Knock it off!” Izzy demanded.
A small scuffle ensued, as Izzy fought back against Edward’s onslaught. In very little time Izzy’s patience snapped, and he anchored his hands onto Edward’s wrists to keep his hands out of Izzy’s personal space.
“I swear to fucking God-”
“Get your hands off of him, you bastard!” came a cry back from back on land.
Edward perked up right away, and whipped his head around towards the source of the call as he pulled his hands back.
“Stede?”
As rugged and unkempt as he was, there was no doubt about the identity of the man standing at the end of the dock. It was indeed Stede Bonnet, shaking his fist in the rowboat’s direction.
Edward misinterpreted the gesture as some sort of supportive fist pump, so he waved back in a friendly manner and shouted “Date’s going great, by the way! Real good job with the planning! Very romantic and whatnot.”
Stede dug his fingers into his hair and spun around in a frustrated circle before he called back out over the pond “No! That’s terrible!”
“... did he just say that’s a bad thing?” Edward asked Izzy.
“I don’t fucking know,” said Izzy. “I can barely hear him.”
Edward tried to communicate with Stede again, cupping his hands around his mouth so his voice would carry better in case Stede had misunderstood him.
“No, mate! It’s good! We’re having a great time!”
“Well, stop that! Stop the date!”
“I know it’s late! We’ll go back to the ship right after this!”
“Tell Izzy to back down! I’m supposed to be your match! Not him!”
“I think he wants you to return to the ship right now?” Edward relayed to Izzy.
“Tell him to fuck off.”
“I’m not saying that to Stede.”
Izzy rolled his eyes, and did the honors himself. He waved Stede away and shouted “Fuck off!”
“No, you fuck off!” Stede shouted back.
“Izzy, stop antagonizing him,” said Edward.
“He started it.”
Stede realized that this long distance conversation wasn’t going anywhere. So while Izzy and Edward bickered in the boat, he started to remove his shoes.
“He just came by to check in on us. You don’t have to be a dick,” Edward said.
“We’re grown men. We don’t need a fucking chaperone-”
Izzy was cut off by the sound of a large splash coming from the direction of the dock.
Both men looked back to the shore line, where Stede had surfaced in the water and had started to swim towards their boat.
“What the hell is he doing?” asked Izzy.
“I don’t know,” said Edward, anxiously watching and preparing himself to dive in the water to go after Stede if he had to.
Thankfully he didn’t. Stede was a strong enough swimmer, and managed to make it all the way over to the boat on his own. Once he reached it he held onto the side of the vessel with both hands so he wouldn’t have to tread water next to it.
When Stede was settled, Edward smiled fondly down at him and said “You could have just asked us to row back to the dock, you know.”
Stede, still trying to catch his breath, flipped his wet hair away from his face as he said “That would have taken too long.”
“Alright. Grab my arm, let’s get you in,” Edward said. He leaned over and took hold of one of Stede’s arms with his non dominant hand to help pull him up.
“There’s no time for that!” Stede explained. “What I’m about to say has to fit into a very precise schedule for it to work out like I planned it to, and I have to get it right.”
“It’ll take two seconds. Come on.”
Stede ignored him, and started to roll through the speech he had prepared.
“I’ve dreamt of you a thousand times. Night after night, time and time again. There have been some I’ve told you about, but so many more I never had the courage to share.”
“That’s nice, but-”
“I carry you with me, always. Even when my consciousness fades you’re still there. You are a brand on my soul, though you needed no heat or iron to mark me as yours. Every gentle touch of your hand has stayed with me. You hold me without chains. Without shackles. I am bonded to you, as the tides of the sea are bound to wherever the moon leads them. As light and heat is to a candle’s flame. You are the spark that ignites me, and I burn for you, Edward.”
The moment he was anticipating was fast approaching. Stede started to talk faster, to get it all out in time.
“So when I close my eyes at night and am graced with something pleasant, it’s you. Always you. It doesn’t matter what form those dreams take. Whether you look like yourself, or a stranger, a flower, a beacon, even when I can’t see you at all, I know when you’re there. I feel you with me. The most wonderful visions I’ve had, the ones I wish I could take back to the waking world with me, are the ones where I’ve promised myself to you.”
“Stede?”
“And if dreams are parallel universes I can die happy tomorrow knowing that there was some world out there where you were mine-” Stede rushed out.
“What are you-”
“I love you!”
Stede managed to get the words out just in time, as the first burst of a firework explosion lit up the sky.
“... what?” Edward asked, voice barely above a whisper.
“I love you, Ed,” Stede repeated. “I love you desperately. I love you with all of my heart. I love you in ways I never thought were possible until I looked into your eyes and finally understood what true beauty was. It’s you. It’s the peaceful look on your face as you drift off to sleep. It’s the fierceness that you fight with when you’re protecting something precious to you. Nothing in this world or the next can compare to your brilliance.”
Stede pulled on the side of the rowboat so he could lift himself out of the water as much as possible, closer to Edward, causing the edge to tip slightly towards the surface of the pond.
“Edward,” Izzy warned as he backed up to the opposite side of the boat to keep it from tipping over. “The boat-”
“I love you more and more with every day, with every passing minute. Just when I think my feelings have reached their peak, I hear your voice and they soar even higher. I love you in ways that words can’t begin to describe. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. Everything I could ever think to ask for. And if you’ll have me-”
Edward took hold of both of Stede’s arms to help keep him from sinking back down.
And finally.
Finally.
He leaned down, and kissed Stede.
The fireworks continued to bloom above them as it happened. Bursts of red and gold, lighting up the world around them during their long delayed union.
Neither of them noticed the spectacle. Nor did they notice the edge of the boat slowly dipping down closer and closer to the surface of the water. They were caught in a world of their own, where the only thing that mattered was the connection between them.
The distance between them had disappeared. They were together. Exactly where they were meant to be.
“Edward-” Izzy pleaded, one leg thrown over the highest point of the boat in a hopeless attempt to balance it back out.
His efforts failed and the rowboat flipped over, sending both occupants down into the water.
The resulting capsizing caused Edward and Stede to let go of each other out of shock. So when Edward made it back up to the surface of the water, he panicked.
“Stede?!” he called out, searching around him for his companion.
Thankfully, Stede wasn’t too far behind. He resurfaced moments later, only a few short feet away, treading water.
“Thank god,” said Edward. He bobbed over to Stede, and pushed the wet strands of hair away from his forehead. “Are you-”
Stede cut Edward off by wrapping his arms around him, and kissed him again.
And again.
And again.
It was difficult to float together like that, pond water mixed in with every kiss, but it didn’t stop them. Even after the final flash of fireworks died out they remained, making up for lost time. For all of those moments they could have had this bliss and were too afraid to reach out and take it.
They stayed like that until their limbs grew weary from effort, until their weight threatened to drag them both down to the bottom of the pond. Not that Edward would have minded that. He’d will himself to grow gills, and live happily in the sediment down below the water’s surface with Stede.
But since that wasn’t an option, and he really didn’t want to die so soon after finally getting what he’d wanted, Edward forced himself to keep his mouth off of Stede long enough to say “This will probably be easier to continue back on land.”
“... promise you won’t change your mind by the time we get there?” Stede asked nervously.
“Never,” said Edward, with no hesitation. “There could be a thousand year between us and that dock, and I’d still be yours by the end of it.”
It didn’t take a thousand years for them to reach the edge of the pond. Only a few minutes. They could have gotten there faster, but their efforts were devoted to staying close to one another. Never out of arm’s reach.
Edward pulled himself up onto the dock first. He reached down to the water so he could help Stede up as well, wrapped him in an embrace as soon as they were both seated safely on the dock, and kissed him once more.
“I love you,” Edward said, not daring to pull his face away more than an inch from Stede’s.
“I love you,” Stede said back to him, holding Edward’s face in his hands.
“I love you,” Edward whispered once again. He let his forehead rest against Stede’s, and said “Please tell me this is real. Tell me this is actually happening.”
“I hope it is. It would be a shame if I did all of that running around for nothing,” said Stede.
“I still can’t believe… you did all of this? For me?”
“Of course. I’d do anything for you,” Stede said, and ran his fingers over one of Edward’s cheeks. “I’m just sorry it took so long for me to find your perfect match.”
“I could have told you who it was from the start. I’ve known it was you the whole time.”
“It would have been very helpful if you’d told me that earlier,” said Stede with a soft laugh.
Edward kissed Stede’s smile, and said “You’ll never have to be in the dark about that ever again. I’ll tell you every day. I’ll say it so many times you get sick of hearing it.”
“Impossible. You’ll get sick of saying it before I grow tired of listening to you.”
“Let’s put that to the test, shall we?” said Edward. He leaned in further, and spoke in a low voice directly next to Stede’s ear. “I love you.”
Stede wrapped both his arms back around Edward, closed his eyes, and said “I love you too.”
“Will you be mine?”
“I shall.”
“Will you still be mine tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that as well.”
“What about on Tuesday?”
“Tuesday’s a bit iffy. You’ll have to ask me again after I wake up to see how I’m feeling.”
Edward laughed, and lightly bumped his head against Stede’s before he said “You’re such a dick.”
“Not my fault you have bad taste in men.”
“Shut up and kiss me again.”
And though the night was cold, neither of them felt chilled. They had their own little pocket of the universe, full of warmth and comfort.
Izzy made it back to the Revenge well before Edward and Stede did.
He’d lost most of the water on his person during the trip back to the ship, but he was still quite damp and left muddy footprints in his wake as he made it up onto the deck.
And just because the universe had decided that this was going to be a horrible day for him, one of the crew members was standing right next to the gangplank when he returned.
Lucius whistled as Izzy passed by him, and said “You know, most people like to take their day clothes off before they go for a dip.”
“Shut the fuck up, Spriggs,” Izzy replied without looking in his direction.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where the captains are, would you? Some officers came by, asking around about a ‘blond lunatic’ that’s been terrorizing the city.”
Izzy stopped walking and sneered back at Lucius.
“If they return, you can tell them that they can find two madmen down at the local pond snogging each other and performing other acts of public indecency.”
“Pfft,” Lucius responded, rolling his eyes. “If only.”
He waited for another sarcastic remark from Izzy. When none came, Lucius stood up a bit straighter.
“Wait. You’re-... you’re serious? They’re actually- oh my god. Oh my god.”
Lucius tried to take off running below deck, stumbled over some rope that was left out and fell down onto the deck, then scurried back up and took off as fast as he could again while shouting.
“Guys!!! It’s happening!!! The captains! This is not a drill, the captains are fucking!!”
Izzy watched as Lucius scrambled away, knowing that the ship would know no peace for the remainder of the evening.
“... I hate this ship so fucking much.”
One month later…
When all is said and done, when lovers finally come together and are united as one, after all the celebrations and rejoicing, there is still one question that remains.
What happens next?
For Edward and Stede, there were endless possibilities ahead of them. They were free to do whatever they pleased.
Stede considered this one day as he stood at the very front of the ship, with a map of the world in his hands.
He’d only been there for a few minutes on his own before Edward joined him, wrapping his arms around Stede’s midsection and pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek before he rested his chin down on Stede’s shoulder.
“Oh! Darling, there you are,” Stede said, happily leaning back into Edward’s embrace. “You have perfect timing. I’ve been trying to decide where we should head off to next. We’ve been in the Atlantic for quite a while, and I thought it might be fun to mix things up a bit.”
“Sounds good to me. Where were you thinking?”
“I don’t know. Where would you like to go?”
Edward gave Stede a gentle squeeze with his arms, and said “I’ll follow you anywhere you go, Love.”
Stede smiled, and craned his head around so he could kiss Edward’s forehead.
“Then I’ll bring you somewhere exciting,” he said, before he looked back to the map. He made a thoughtful sound, then ran his finger in a circle over the Pacific Ocean. “Lots of blank space over here. Maybe we can explore around there? See what we can find?”
“If there was anything worth discovering, someone would have planted a flag in it by now,” said Edward.
“Oh, come on Ed. Where’s your sense of adventure? There could be a whole new world out there waiting for us!”
“What do I need distant worlds for?” Edward asked. “I’ve got the whole world here, in my arms. And I’ve half the mind to do a bit of exploring of my own…”
Edward kissed Stede’s neck and ran a hand flat over his stomach, which caused Stede to squirm.
“ Edward! Not right now. The crew’s on deck, they’ll see us!”
“Let ‘em watch.”
Stede’s concerns were valid. The full crew was indeed up on the deck of the ship, within full line of sight of the captains’ conversation.
“I’m glad the captains figured out their feelings and all but uh… yeah, how long do you think this honeymoon phase is going to go on for?” Frenchie asked.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” said Oluwande. “Jim and I have been together for a while, and sometimes I still get butterflies when they’re around.”
Jim tipped their hat down to hide their smile, nudged Oluwande with their elbow and said “Gross.”
“At least they finally made it happen,” Lucius brought up. “Anything’s better than watching those two dance around each other and waiting for them to get their shit together.”
The crew collectively looked back to the captains to check in on them.
Edward had Stede pushed back against one of the masts as the two of them kissed deeply and passionately. Stede had one of his legs hooked around Edward’s hips, with his fingers tangled up in his hair.
“... changed my mind,” said Lucius. “This is worse. Definitely worse.”
“Oh god.”
“Tengo que sacarme los ojos ahora.”
“I don’t know, I think it’s sweet.”
“Fuck off.”