Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jared is probably the happiest man in the whole world. He and Jensen just spent the first weekend of winter hiatus in Whistler. It was meant as a skiing weekend, but turned into a uck-me-stupid weekend. Best sex ever.

A stupid grin forms on his face and he hears Jensen chuckle. He looks over to him. Jensen’s riding shotgun next to him and watches him with an amused smile.

“Whatcha grinnin’ about?” Jared drawls.

“You,” Jensen says softly.

Jared reaches over and pulls Jensen’s hand to his lips, kissing it gently. “I love you.”

Jensen laughs quietly. “Love you too.”

Jared looks over and he thinks that his heart might burst with how much he loves Jensen. Jensen shakes his head, still smiling, before he turns back to look out of the windshield.

Later this will be the last moment Jared remembers before everything goes black. Now, though Jensen is screaming.

“WATCH OUT!”

Jared jerks around, but it’s already too late. A huge deer is blocking the street. Jared grabs the steering wheel tighter and pulls at it. They’re going too fast and the rear breaks out. Jensen is screaming and Jared just tries to get the car back under control. They slide past the deer that is running scared in the other direction.

The streets are covered with snow and Jared’s quick turn and speed causes the tires to lose their traction and Jared loses complete control. He can only watch in horror how they spin towards the end of the road and down the small hill. A huge tree at the bottom stops their slide. Jared feels pain shooting through his body when his head connects with the steering wheel and everything goes black.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been unconscious, when he opens his eyes again. His head is threatening to explode and breathing hurts like a bitch. He wants to look for Jensen when the door on his side is pulled open.

Jensen lets out a relieved sigh when he sees Jared awake. “You okay, Jay?”

Jared tries to think about it, but it hurts too much. “Head, hurts.”

Jensen nods and leans over to unbuckle Jared’s seatbelt. “C’mon, we have to get to the street.” He heaves Jared out of the car, one of Jared’s arms around his shoulder. Jensen seems to be okay, only a little gash on his forehead.

They make their way over to the street slowly. It’s exhausting and Jared’s hurting all over, but Jensen drags him along. When they finally reach the top and the street Jared sinks to his knees. Jensen’s arms are around his shoulders and he feels the warmth of his boyfriend seep into him.

“It’s okay, Jay. You’re gonna be okay.”

It sounds as if Jensen’s far away and Jared wants to reach for him, but he’s too tired. His eyes won’t listen to him anymore and darkness claims him again.

~

Bright light greats him the next time he tries to open his eyes. He squints and slowly, but surely he’s able to recognize forms. His mother is the first person he sees. She’s sitting in a chair next to his bed, sleeping. She looks exhausted, with dark circles around her eyes.

“Mom,” Jared croaks, his voice raw and rough.

His mom jerks awake and lets out a relieved breath. “Jared, you’re awake. Finally.”

He tries to give a small smile, but he’s sure it comes out crooked. “How long was I out?”

“Three days. Scared the crap out of us.”

“Sorry.” This time the smile works a little better.

She kisses his forehead. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re awake now.”

Jared nods. His head feels like it’s stuffed full of cotton and he’s sure that’s the effect of the pain killers. He looks around and something doesn’t seem right.

“Where’s Jensen? Is he okay?” he asks his mom.

The moment his mom sits next to him on the bed and takes his hand between hers, he knows that something horrible happened. She doesn’t even have to say anything, he just knows.

“No.” It comes out like a sob. “He’s fine. He has to be. Hell, he pulled me out of that damn car.” Tears are streaming down his face, while he tries to reason why Jensen still has to be alive.

His mom looks at him with pity in her eyes. “Honey, Jensen died instantly. The impact killed him.”

‘No’, Jared shakes his head frantically, ‘that can’t be true,’ he thinks. He knows what he saw. He knows it was Jensen.

His mom cups his head between her gentle hands to stop him shaking his head. “Jared, stop. You’ll hurt yourself.”

Jared doesn’t care. It feels as if his heart is ripped out of his chest and torn to pieces. A little more pain won’t make a difference. Jensen’s dead. The man Jared wanted to spend his life with is gone and he isn’t coming back. He wishes he would have died too. What’s life worth without Jensen by his side?

He feels his mom kiss his forehead and wipe away his tears, before he feels the sting in his arm. He didn’t notice the doctor that came into the room, just like he didn’t notice the syringe.

“It’s okay, Jay. You’re gonna be okay.”

It’s the same thing Jensen told him, just like he knew what would happen. But the thing is nothing is ever gonna be alright again. Jensen’s gone and Jared’s will to live with him. He’ll just wait here; wait until he’ll see Jensen again.