Chapter Text
Jimin and Jeongguk were used to having fights.
They certainly started off on the wrong foot and sometimes things just are as they are. Eleven years into a timeline that progressed from slapping and hair pulling to heated arguments and disagreements—sometimes Jimin wondered why they even still spoke to each other. That was why, it was the fact that one was a constant in the other"s life, which sometimes caught Jimin off guard. In the middle of that mild and slightly chilly afternoon, it happened again.
The two were used to falling out, but sometimes the fight was too ugly. So, as they left their respective last classes and followed the same path home, walking on opposite sides of the street, the air weighing down around them with sharp feelings and harsh words spoken earlier that still floated around them as one seemed to try to pretend that the other was not there.
But Jimin was never good at pretending not to notice Jeongguk and he just wanted to understand why. Understand why earlier he had caught Jeongguk looking at him, and as much as the two of them were angry at each other, there was nothing in that look. Jeongguk just looked at him, studied him, and Jimin wondered again if they would ever be able to understand each other. Not that he cared, but sometimes when Jeongguk smiled...
Just another day in their private battle that seemed endless, nothing extraordinary about it except for the fact that that day was Jimin"s birthday. He was turning 16 and in a good mood for celebrations, snuggling into his black coat and heading for the nearly 15-minute walk home, where he would decide what to do with the rest of his day. Still, as soon as he noticed Jeongguk walking beside him, keeping his distance, Jimin"s mood dropped a little.
“What is it, Park Jimin?” Jeongguk suddenly asked from across the street, his hands going into his sweatshirt pockets. He had his headphones on and his attention was fully on Jimin.
“Huh? Nothing." Jimin cleared his throat, because he hadn"t even noticed he was looking at Jeongguk. “Just… I don"t want to fight today. Today is my birthday and I don"t want to start over with this bullshit of ours.”
Jeongguk returned the look and for a few seconds the two walked like that. The distance seemed much greater than just a street, a car passing between them and seeming to wake up Jeongguk.
“Fine,” he nodded. "I wasn"t the one who started our bullshit this time, anyway."
"Yah, it"s impossible for you, isn"t it?" Jimin gave a breathy, incredulous laugh, but when he was about to return the teasing, he noticed that Jeongguk was smiling. “You’re the biggest and most unbearable pain in the ass.”
“Didn"t we just agree to call a truce? So, I’ll try not to end up cursing you for the rest of the day.”
"It would be great. I might as well stop right now trying to plan how to get my hands around your neck.”
“My neck thanks you.”
So Jimin was smiling too. And the smile turned into a happy giggle, as unsettling as any other time this had happened. The two of them just laughed together on that almost empty street, laughing at how absurd they were together.
“You could have asked for anything for your birthday,” Jeongguk clicked his tongue after a while, considering. “And is that what you want?”
"Yes. This is what I want."
"Why?"
Because sometimes I look at you, someone I used to hate, and I wonder "what if I was wrong?" Because when you smile, I wonder if you"re that bad. Because when we were kids, you used to protect me from any idiot who talked or screwed up with me and you must have forgotten this or think I did. Sometimes I really forget, because in the end you always found a way to make me angry too.
The thing about Jimin was that he always ended up trying to see the best in others and the thing about Jeongguk was that he always ended up ruining Jimin"s every attempt.
But instead of saying all that, Jimin just pressed his lips together, looking at the dark-haired boy on the other side, his biggest annoyance. And they stared at each other, until a coarse drop of rain landed directly on Jeongguk"s forehead and then one on his nose, taking him by surprise, a grimace forming on his face. Such an adorable face, that Jimin ended up smiling almost involuntarily.
Dripping coarse drops of rain and incompatible feelings, raining down on two people who couldn"t understand each other.
“I think it"s going to rain a lot,” Jeongguk commented, looking up at the gray sky. "Come on."
He began to take larger steps and then running slow, the hood of his black sweatshirt now covering his head. Then Jeongguk turned around, seeing that Jimin wasn"t exactly going faster.
“Come on, Park Jimin.”
"I’m going." But Jimin was still smiling, walking faster but not fast enough to run, totally reassured by the fact that it was raining because he liked the feeling, the smell of rain.
“Are you trying to catch a cold?” Jeongguk shot under the raindrops, rolling his eyes. Then he was approaching with quick steps, Jimin"s smile fading little by little as Jeongguk was too close for him to even smell his soft scent mixed with the scent of the rain. Jeongguk looked him lightly in the eyes, before pulling the hood of Jimin"s coat back to cover him. "What are you doing? Should we race again?”
"Oh–" Jimin laughed this time, because they hadn"t done that for years. “And what will whoever wins get this time?”
"Anything he wants."
“Deal.”
Then Jimin broke into a run abruptly, laughing at the disbelieving expression of a Jeongguk who stayed behind.
"Hey, you–"
They ran down the street, clothes wet and dark hair getting damp, slipping now and then, cursing each other now and then, laughing so hard they were both breathless.
This was how things were supposed to be.
Jimin won that day. Things were supposed to be different, but they were just the way they were, and if Jimin had a chance...
But when Jeongguk was rolling his eyes at the little victory dance that Jimin had done, a smile clearly trying to hold back a laugh while Jimin himself chuckled, maybe there was more there than just two mismatched people. Maybe Jimin didn"t want to change everything about them.
**
Getting sick had put things into perspective for Jimin.
Maybe he neglected himself too much and deep down he always thought it was something he had control over. But actually being sick, hearing that his body was paying the price for all the stress, had really done its job. Now Jimin was trying. He had tried to rest the few days he had been in the hospital and when he went home, his appetite slowly returning. When he felt better enough, he decided he would go to Busan. Trying not to think about anything, trying to take care of himself, it was all part of a plan and Jimin had even found that running did him good, that it made him think about nothing.
That"s exactly what he was doing that night. Running along Gwangalli Beach, feeling the damp wind ruffle his hair until he was damp with sweat himself, running until he couldn"t think of anything else. There, moving between life rushing by, people living, lights and cafes and fireworks, Jimin began to think he was finally finding some peace.
But when he laid eyes on Jeongguk, his world turned upside down again. His poor heart had forgotten nothing. Instead, he danced restlessly, nervously, longingly, and after the shock and surprise wore off, when he approached and Jeongguk let Jimin hit him, Jimin was actually making a tremendous effort not to throw himself into his arms. His heart was a traitor, no matter how hard Jimin tried to forget the man in front of him.
“I"m sorry,” Jeongguk apologized and he looked so upset, so sad, that even though they were already close enough in that room, Jimin couldn"t move anymore. "I’m really sorry. For the mess I made. I-I should have been honest about how I felt. We never really talked, did we? About us. About where we were. I was scared, Jimin-ah. I was acting cowardly and I"m so sorry for that. For what I did, for what I said.”
It was as if a hole in Jimin that he had dared to think had begun to slowly close was being abruptly yawned open again. Jimin swallowed hard, looked away, because his eyes were already watering. But all he had to do was blink his eyes again for a wayward tear to trickle down his right cheek and when Jeongguk wiped it away with his thumb so gently, the hole in Jimin widened and he cried harder.
“You hurt me so much,” Jimin muttered tearfully. “And deep down I think I knew you were scared and-and… I just wanted you to feel the same way I did. I wondered if I was being unfair by getting angry. If I could blame you.”
“You could,” Jeongguk assured, vehemently. “You can blame me. Because I could give you what you were asking for. I wanted to give. And yet I did nothing. I let you cry in front of me. I–love, I... Jimin...”
Jeongguk stumbled over the words and Jimin could see every emotion on his face, wreaking havoc within himself. His eyes gleamed with strangled emotion, as if Jeongguk had been holding back too long, fists clenched at his sides, as if he was bereft. And Jimin"s bottom lip even dared to tremble because he sobbed, desperately wanting Jeongguk to say, to ask. Because Jimin loved that man with all his heart and he didn"t want to move on. He didn"t want to go anywhere else without Jeongguk.
“When I decided to go back to the ER,” Jeongguk sighed. “I did it because I was tired of being a coward. And now is no different. It’s done for me. I want you, Jimin. I can spend every single day having you, even though I said I didn"t want to feel the way I feel for you because I was too scared. It makes no difference. It doesn"t change anything.”
"Hyung..." Jimin sniffed. "What... are you–"
“I love you, Park Jimin. Maybe I"ve always loved you–in my messy way. But I want to do it right now. I want to love you the way you deserve. There is no one else for me. It"s just you. If you give me a chance.” And, almost breathlessly, Jeongguk whispered. "Please, give me a chance."
And there were a million things Jimin could have said. A simple "yes" that was imprinted on his heart. But instead, he just managed to let the distance between them finally disappear and he hoped that would show all he had to say. And maybe Jeongguk meant the same thing, because the second Jimin threw his arms around his neck, Jeongguk pulled him close.
At the same time, synchronized.
In that hug, Jimin fell apart. Eyes narrowed, his body softened in sheer relief. In the end, that"s what he meant. He wanted the hug, that touch, wanted the scent and heat he"d grown so used to.
“I love you so much,” Jimin whispered, letting Jeongguk wrap him even tighter, one arm around his waist, the other hand finding the back of his neck. They fit perfectly and it was insane. Jimin was home and that meant so many things.
“Missed you, love,” Jeongguk kissed him softly on the crook of his neck. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too. We really need to learn to talk. About everything, about how we feel, even if it"s not a good thing.”
"I know. I’m going to try. I will never hurt you like this again, I promise. I hate it when you cry.”
“I"m scared too,” Jimin confessed, in a whisper. “But we can learn together. We can have each other. What… What are you doing?”
“Not close enough.” Jeongguk had suddenly sat down on the couch, taking a softly laughing Jimin along with him and sitting him on his lap. "We can really have each other now. I want to try. Try to make it work."
Jimin was finally smiling. With Jeongguk"s hands running down his back, he put his own hands into action, sliding up Jeongguk"s shoulders, up his neck and then gently cupping his face. Jimin ran his thumbs along his cheekbones, staring into his beautiful eyes, his smile fading a little as he felt that feeling flooding through him again. The purest, absolute love.
“Hi,” Jeongguk breathed, a small smile dancing on his lips as he absorbed Jimin"s gaze back, while Jimin himself now had a sweet, purely happy smile.
"Hi. Can we kiss now?”
“We can, my love.”
It was like it was the first time.
Lips met and it was as if nothing else even existed. Slowly, they rediscovered that they already knew each other so well, realized that they were finally in each other"s arms again. Jimin"s fingers found Jeongguk"s hair as a hand ventured under his shirt, finger points so gently on Jimin"s back, sending shivers through his entire body. He clung to that kiss, a warm, irresistible, dazzling dance of lips and hands and mingled breaths.
There was no other place for Jimin.
And when the kiss stopped and for the next few minutes, Jimin just let his body rest against Jeongguk"s, his head lying on his shoulder, Jeongguk"s hands rhythmically caressing his back. Every now and then Jeongguk would turn his face subtly, kiss Jimin"s left temple, and it was all so good that Jimin was too tempted to fall asleep right there. Though they might have a lot more to talk about, but having talked enough for one to know where the other"s will was; finally sleep well, because no one could do that to him better than Jeongguk.
“When are you coming back to Seoul?” Jeongguk asked, breaking the silence after a while.
"Next week."
"Then I"ll meet you there."
It sounded like a promise and Jimin couldn"t wait.
“Are you going to see your parents?” Jimin wondered mutterly, after lifting his head so he could look at Jeongguk.
"I think so."
“And is it okay?”
“Yeah. It"s okay,” Jeongguk assured, gently kissing Jimin"s worry away. “We don"t hate each other. Just..."
And when Jeongguk didn"t seem to know how to finish that sentence anymore, Jimin nodded—not because he understood, when only Jeongguk could understand how he felt. Just simply to offer some reassurance, some comfort.
“You have me if you need me,” Jimin offered.
“How did I get so lucky?”
Jeongguk raised a hand to caress Jimin"s face, brushing his hair away, enamoringly looking at him. Any hole their history might have opened in Jimin was maybe starting to close. Everything was slowly and finally falling into place and a future with Jeongguk suddenly seemed to glow, exciting, free from pretensions and misaligned feelings.
“Since you"re already right here,” Jimin started suggestively. "I can use you tonight."
Jeongguk raised an eyebrow, looking amused.
“As your stress reliever.”
“Yes,” Jimin replied automatically and Jeongguk gave a low laugh in response. “I"m having trouble sleeping again. I"ve tried everything, but nothing does it like you do.”
“We"re not going to have sex at your parents" house,” Jeongguk whispered.
Jimin slapped him playfully on the shoulder.
"That"s not what I meant."
Patiently, Jeongguk waited for Jimin to shower and when Jimin was promptly dressed in pajama pants and a shirt, the two lay on the bed in Jimin"s old room. Jeongguk wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close, Jimin"s back found Jeongguk"s chest and he was perfectly comfortable and content in that position.
Still not saying anything, Jeongguk just placed his hand on Jimin"s abdomen over his shirt and caressed it there, now and then leaving lazy and almost sleepy kisses on his neck.
“Are you really okay?” Jeongguk asked, his voice just a worried whisper in the dark room.
“Mhm,” Jimin nodded slightly. "I"m better than before, at least."
"What did the doctor say?"
“That I already have several sores in my digestive tract.” Jimin let out a sleepy sigh, his hand going to rest over Jeongguk"s who held him close. “Fortunately, it hasn"t bled yet, but, hm... Yeah, now I have some medicine to take. I also need to learn to slow down.”
“And you’ll take care of yourself now. Promise me."
"I promise." When silence embraced the two again, when the sheets ruffled and Jeongguk held him there, Jimin opened his eyes again. Slipping a fingertip absently through Jeongguk"s hand, he just thought about them. It had been so long since Jimin had been in a real relationship, a part of him would admit right away that he was a little unsure about how to make it work. But even though Jimin had had experience with it before, none, absolutely none, had prepared him for the big thing that was allowing himself to love Jeongguk. Ten other loves before would never come close to what he felt for that man who held him tight at that moment, as if he was afraid that Jimin might leave. Therefore, as time continued to pass and as each beat of his heart slightly accelerated, Jimin loved him a little more, with all his imperfections. “Hyung?”
“Hmm?” Jeongguk replied sluggishly and that drew a subtle smile from Jimin, because he was the one who should have been trying to sleep and Jeongguk who looked like he was about to fall asleep first.
"You have me. We can"t promise anything about the future, but as far as I"m concerned, I"m not going anywhere far from you."
And when Jeongguk didn"t respond right away, Jimin wondered if he had finally fallen asleep, even though his intention was only to stay until Jimin fell asleep. But then Jimin received a sudden onslaught of affection. Jeongguk crushed him in a tight embrace, kissing his temple with dramatic impetuosity and the room was filled with the sound of giggles. Happy giggles, welling up and reverberating from Jimin"s chest.
"You"re heavy."
“I love you,” Jeongguk breathed.
"Not as much as I love you."
“Of course I love you that much.”
Minutes later, they were still teasing each other with that sleepy, whispered argument, Jimin trying to beat him under the blanket, Jeongguk softening him with a caress of his hair until Jimin finally fell asleep; the best sleep he"d had in months. A river of tears being drained away. Empty spaces being filled. Wounds that healed.
Almost a lifetime had taken them to that exact moment. And just like that, Jimin finally found a place where his mind could rest.
**
It really had been a promise.
Jimin had spent the remaining days in Busan just enjoying his parents" company, going to visit old friends, going for a run almost every day and perching on the couch with Dubu on his lap. It was a lull he wasn"t used to and occasionally he caught himself thinking about work, his phone with an open conversation with someone from the hospital or ending the night answering emails. But despite that, it was a lull that Jimin had finally learned to appreciate because his heart was calm too.
The group chat of the seven friends was always full of random conversations, jokes and Jimin also spent a good part of the day laughing at something Taehyung or Seokjin said. Every now and then, Jeongguk"s notification would also appear, privately for Jimin. Jeongguk wanted to make sure that Jimin was eating right, that he was sleeping well. Jimin filled Jeongguk"s phone with pictures of him grimacing while eating just to get a laugh out of him and they teased each other when Jeongguk dismissed Jimin on a video call to see Dubu who had passed in the background.
And every night, Jimin could expect there would be an "I love you" waiting for him, even though they had, on Tuesday night, going to bed late talking about where their relationship was. While the months they"d spent together had been enough to fill in gaps that the years they"d known each other before hadn"t been able to, there was still so much they didn"t know about each other, especially when it came to relationships. Respect each one"s time and space, talk about what you feel and try not to charge, but to ask. Jimin expected an "I love you" just because Jeongguk seemed to feel the need to say it all the time. Because he was finally letting go and feeling everything he wanted and was entitled to feel, and Jimin was more than happy to embrace that.
So he would fill Jeongguk with messages full of heart emojis only to get one from Jeongguk rolling his eyes and Jimin would end up laughing like a fool every time.
Jimin had just done just that and was still laughing when his apartment doorbell rang and he almost ran to open it. On the other side, Jeongguk was dressed all in black, his jacket sleeves rolled up to his elbows showing off some of his tattoos, his phone in his hand showing all the dozens of hearts emojis. Jimin gave a mischievous smile.
“You seem very pleased with my show of love,” Jimin teased as Jeongguk approached, putting an arm around his waist.
“It"s been the best part of my day,” Jeongguk sarcastically remarked, but he was smiling as he placed a peck on Jimin"s lips, using his foot to close the door behind them. Their lips only met for a brief second, a slightest touch that seemed to light up and burn a bunch of lights inside Jimin and he wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Jeongguk"s neck, kissing him again.
“It"s my pleasure,” Jimin said teasingly, another small kiss being left on Jeongguk"s lips. "How was your trip?"
"Quiet. I didn"t get as much traffic as I used to,” Jeongguk said. It was early Saturday night, just after Jeongguk had returned from Naei-dong, the day after Jimin had returned from Busan and they had made plans. "And your day?"
“I did a lot of nothing. I’m ready to go back to work on Monday.” Jimin ran his hand through Jeongguk"s hair, noticing that it was still damp from a likely shower. In response, Jeongguk"s hand also played on Jimin"s back, sliding slowly, descending provocatively, so close to making Jimin start coming up with ideas. "You look tired. We can stay here today.”
“Um, but I wanted to go out with you. A real date this time.”
And Jeongguk"s hand finally found Jimin"s ass at the exact moment that Jimin put their lips together again. This time, the kiss wasn"t gentle at all. Jimin clung to him as Jeongguk took a step and pressed him against the wall, cornering Jimin in a battle of lips being licked, tongues sliding, bodies lightly brushing against each other. A hand from Jeongguk slid down the side of Jimin"s body and grabbed his thigh as Jimin wrapped his leg around Jeongguk"s hip. Enough for Jimin to gasp against his mouth.
"What was this?" Jeongguk whispered, amused against Jimin"s lips.
“It"s been months. Give me a break.”
Jeongguk just gave a small hearty and breathy laugh, his eyes glowing as Jimin returned his gaze, making those thousands of lights inside Jimin almost dazzle him from the inside. A warm sensation raced through his body, his hands finding Jeongguk"s chest and then slowly moving up, sliding over his shoulders and taking the jacket with it until it fell to the floor.
“Love…” Jeongguk took a breath and Jimin blinked innocently.
“Huh?”
"Our plans..."
“We can change our plans today.”
And when their eyes met again, they were lost for good.
In a quick, effortless and well-calculated movement, Jeongguk gripped each of Jimin"s thighs, lifting him off the ground, Jimin"s legs encircling him without delay. Mouths joined again, lips and hands explored and Jeongguk carried Jimin to the room like that, only stopping when they reached Jimin"s bed. Just to tease and because he was almost reaching the limit before he lost control, Jimin untangled his legs, slowly descending and letting his body slide down Jeongguk"s until his feet hit the floor, leaning on Jeongguk"s shoulders with his arms, eyelids heavy as he stared at the man he loved.
"You know how sexy you are, don"t you?" Jeongguk muttered, his voice slightly hoarse, sparks of arousal already simmering between them. Grabbing the edge of Jimin"s shirt, Jeongguk pulled it until Jimin was free of it, throwing it in any corner of the room. The way Jeongguk devoured him with his gaze was pure fuel for Jimin"s fever, leaving him almost breathless as Jeongguk"s large hand found his abdomen, sliding up slowly, his thumb brushing one of Jimin"s nipples, until it finds the back of his head and holds it there, one knee resting on the bed between Jimin"s legs while Jeongguk makes him lie down on the bed just as slowly.
"And you like it when I"m sexy, don"t you?" Jimin whispered back breathlessly.
"I like everything in you." Jeongguk leaned over him and Jimin"s moist lips waited in frustration when instead of Jeongguk kissing him all at once, he went straight down to kiss Jimin"s neck. Bracing himself with one hand above Jimin"s shoulder, Jeongguk did his job there, kissing every corner of the exposed skin. “I mean, almost everything.”
Jimin brushed off the teasing with a playful slap on the shoulder, biting his lower lip to try to hold back an even bigger grin or risk pulling his lips away and the obscenest moan escaping because now Jeongguk was moving his lips down his collarbones and then onto Jimin"s chest in agonizing slowness. No one had ever made Jimin feel that way. So outside of himself, as if his body burned with every touch and yet he begged for more. As if he could never get enough of Jeongguk and maybe he couldn"t, because if he had to go another two months without it, Jimin would probably go insane.
Just maybe not as out of himself as he was the moment Jeongguk"s lips found his right nipple, sucking hard, a whimper from Jimin filling the room as he tried to cling to something, squeezing Jeongguk"s shirt with his fist clenched in sheer desperation.
"Take it off. Now. Please, hyung.” And Jeongguk quickly and happily conceded, his shirt disappearing in the same second and the view was exactly what Jimin wanted, but still not enough. “Wait–That-that too.”
“Why are you so impatient, love?”
“Take the blame for driving me crazy.” And when Jeongguk laughed softly, he was already completely naked, grabbing the waistband of Jimin"s sweatpants and pulling them off, doing the same job with his underwear afterwards.
"Lucky for us you leave me the same way."
Perhaps "crazy" was an understatement, because when Jeongguk bent down until his body weight met his, Jimin swore he had finally lost his mind. They kissed, now slowly, now greedily, until their lips became swollen—until Jeongguk intoxicated him and in Jimin there was nothing left but that. In every part of him, it was just Jeongguk, just them, just the surreally huge thing they were building.
We finally have a chance to belong together.
They talked without words and with kisses that didn"t seem enough, Jimin positioning his legs around Jeongguk, their chests meeting, heartbeats accelerated in different rhythms and with the same reason. Desire, love, longing. And when Jeongguk decided that Jimin"s jawline still hadn"t gotten the attention it deserved, he ventured his lips there, kissed behind the ear, and when Jimin looked down and for no reason, finding every spot where their bodies touching each other, their cocks brushing each time one of them moved and Jimin"s breath caught in his throat, finding the spot where the tiger tattoo met the skin of Jimin"s hip.
“Are you going to get another tattoo?” was Jimin"s sudden question, albeit almost completely out of breath.
“Huh?” Jeongguk raised his body slightly and Jimin followed him, leaning on his elbows. "I don"t know. Maybe. Having ideas of what I should tattoo next time?”
Jimin even wanted to answer, but Jeongguk had stood up, holding Jimin"s legs and bending them until Jimin was completely exposed. That they really gave him a break, because Jimin had almost writhed.
“Should I tattoo something for you?” Jeongguk wondered. "What do you think of "Park" here and "Jimin" here?"
And Jimin burst out laughing when Jeongguk pointed at each of his pectorals, trying to hit him with a kick to the hip.
"Shut up."
In a split second, there was no longer any desire to laugh in either of them. Between well-planned and well-known movements, Jeongguk had already grabbed the lube and condom from the bedside table, lubed up his fingers and slowly inserted it into a Jimin who was already panting, lost, gripping Jeongguk"s wrist in despair, before releasing the grip and bringing that forearm to his lips, surrendered.
“Fuck. Shit,” Jimin nearly growled, soft moans escaping his lips as the all-too-familiar sensation hit him. Not the feeling of him being fingered, but of being Jeongguk doing it—the way he worked one finger, then gently added another, the way he curved them and hit exactly that spot on Jimin that he already knew so well, staying there, teasing enough for Jimin"s eyes to start to water.
“Breathe, love. Are you okay?"
“Just shut up. I mean–sorry,” Jimin snapped almost unconsciously, breathlessly apologizing because he was more than fine, but still he badly needed more. “S-sorry–ah. Ah, ah. Shit. It"s enough. I"m ready, just–please, hyung–"
And Jimin swore he could hear Jeongguk"s soft smile, say something about not wanting to hurt Jimin, but Jimin didn"t give a damn at that moment. He didn"t know why he was already feeling so overstimulated. Maybe it was the months" fault, maybe it was the overwhelmed emotion of longing, the absurdly incredible feeling of knowing they were there, together, simply because they both wanted to love each other. Because there was nothing else between them and that in itself was breathtaking.
Jeongguk happily and quickly gave in to Jimin"s wishes because he himself looked close to breaking up. The dazed gaze that absorbed Jimin, hands unable to leave his body-Jeongguk suddenly lifted him, sitting on the bed and positioning Jimin straight on his lap. Jimin had barely registered the moment Jeongguk rolled the condom, the sudden urge to feel him naked without it, but the thought was quickly lost because Jeongguk was then inside him and nothing else mattered.
"Do you know how happy I am?" Jeongguk whispered, the two of them looking each other in the eye, Jimin"s arms around his neck. "You"re so good to me, Jimin-ah."
Nothing else mattered.
Panting breaths, soft moans, gasps and lips brushing. Jimin rolled his hips, moving until he found the rhythm he wanted and which drew a gasp from Jeongguk, knees pressed against the mattress sheets, a clenched fist finding support on the back of Jeongguk"s neck as all sorts of incoherent sounds left his mouth, his entire body tensing, searching for pleasure, for relief. Jeongguk kept kissing his neck, leaving trails with his lips across Jimin"s chest as he wrapped a hand and stroked Jimin"s cock in the same rhythm they established. They moved restless, impetuous, greedy.
And when Jeongguk leaned back, using one hand behind him to lean against the mattress and lifted his hips up slightly, Jimin"s entire body shook because he couldn"t take it any longer, coming into Jeongguk"s hand and making a mess between them.
“That"s it, love. Shit–you"re so beautiful,” Jeongguk breathed, drinking in the sight of Jimin. “I"m going to fuck you now, okay?”
Jimin just nodded, still panting, sweat making his skin hot and wet, caught in the tingling that ran through his legs as Jeongguk bent him on the bed on his stomach, his hand between Jimin"s shoulder blades and took his intention seriously. Jeongguk kept thrusting hard, insanely fast and purposefully, in search of his own orgasm as Jimin unraveled beneath him, eyes closed and gasping, willingly accepting Jeongguk to come undone into him, his body yielding his weight against Jimin"s.
“Fuck,” Jeongguk gasped, and perhaps emotionally overwhelmed for a moment, both of them trying to recover. "I fucking missed you so much."
"I sure missed you too, but I don"t think I can move right now," Jimin indicated, his legs almost giving way as Jeongguk held him tightly with a smile in his voice.
“I"ve got you, my love.”
Jeongguk did his great job of cleaning them up and as soon as he got back into bed, already dressed in his black underwear, Jimin rolled over until he was facing him and Jeongguk automatically pulled an arm away—a happy invitation for Jimin to lie on his chest.
Exactly where Jimin went, gladly.
"Did I forget that it"s good to be in a relationship or is it just because it"s with you?" Jeongguk asked after long minutes, seeming to ramble, drawing a soft laugh from Jimin who was enjoying the way Jeongguk"s hand ran down his back.
"I don’t know, but you sure have a lot to blame for the fact that I"m so happy with this deal."
"That"s good to hear, but did you just call our relationship a deal?"
“And isn"t it a deal?” Jimin raised himself up on one elbow, one hand resting absently on Jeongguk"s bare chest. “We agreed to be each other"s. In taking care of each other. In loving and respecting each other. And, hyung... I"m serious. I want to do a good job. In taking care of you. In letting you take care of me too. That"s why I"m happy. We made this deal, to give us a chance.”
A smile slowly unfolded on Jeongguk"s lips, a hand reaching up to slide his knuckles against Jimin"s cheek with such affection that Jimin felt it right there, in his heart.
“You always amaze me, Park Jimin. Did you know that? Why did we spend so much time hating each other?”
And it was Jimin"s turn to smile.
“I don"t know about you either, but I sure had reasons. You"re a pain in the ass sometimes and I–hey. Stop it. Stop–Jeongguk. Hyung–I"m kidding." But Jeongguk had already gone for him, wrapping him around and tickling Jimin, drawing laughter until he left Jimin breathless and squirming. "I"m kidding, I"m kidding–I mean, a little, but–stop it."
And even when Jeongguk stopped, Jimin was still laughing, until it slowly turned into a smile and he was still breathless, but this time it was because of the smile he was seeing. Jeongguk had a huge smile on his face and Jimin melted, taking advantage of their position and bringing his face close, kissing him sweetly.
"So..." Jimin said quietly. “About our date...”
"Are you serious? Are not you tired?"
“Um, no. I"m great now. You"re tired? It"s still early. Come on."
Jimin jumped out of bed, heading straight for the shower, where Jeongguk good-naturedly helped him out. Together, they walked leisurely through Yeonnam-dong, taking in the movement and lights around them as they wandered the streets and between the trendy restaurants, listening to each other intently and laughing at the bullshit one spoke only to make the other laugh—and not a long walk later, they just stopped because Jimin couldn"t ignore tteokbokki, even though he should.
“How are things in Gimoon?” Jimin wanted to know, picking up his chopsticks from the table and eating some from his bowl.
"They are fine. Working much better than it did months ago.” Jeongguk told a little more about how some problems at the hospital ended up being resolved and others that they simply had to accept, the two immersed in the conversation between pieces of rice cakes and cups. "I told you that a part of the Deoksu research center is going to be transferred there, didn"t I?"
“Mhm,” Jimin nodded, readily accepting the piece Jeongguk offered because his had a different sauce and mumbling happily. "Which is what Namjoon and you are working on. I hope this helps to enhance the place."
"I hope too. And I was thinking… It might take a while yet, but when it opens... That we could name the place the Choohwan Clinical Research Center. What do you think?"
And Jimin broke off, his eyes widening just as an emotion prickled in his chest. In the end, there was no other way for him to end up but smiling.
“I think he would be proud. Really, hyung... This is–this is amazing. I haven"t met him, but I bet he would be happy."
“Yeah, I thought it would be a good thing. So the hospital doesn"t forget about him. And I also think he would love to meet you.” Jeongguk gave a wistful little smile and Jimin was ready to start worrying, before Jeongguk looked at him again with something else in his eyes. “He loved hard-headed people.”
“What did you mean by that, Jeon Jeongguk?” Jimin complained, his face starting to twist in anger, but Jeongguk was laughing. Really laughing at the success of his teasing and Jimin wanted to stop at that moment. Because Jeongguk was talking about something that was certainly a painful point in his life, yet he was still managing to smile. He was smiling more lately than Jimin had remembered in the last few months and that was looking like things were finally falling into place and working.
“I love you, baby,” Jeongguk breathed, still smiling.
“I love you too,” was Jimin"s snort.
"What? I couldn’t hear."
And Jimin tried to kick him under the table, stifling a smile before acquiescing. "Are you feeling better? About everything.”
"I think so." Jeongguk took a deep breath, lost in thought for a brief moment, before turning back to look at Jimin. “I think I"ve undid some knots on myself and it"s helping me deal with other knots. But overall, yeah, I"m fine now. Right now, more specifically, how could I not be fine? Look at this beautiful man sitting in front of me.”
Laughing, Jimin rolled his eyes.
"And how are you feeling?" Jeongguk asked this time. "About us, actually. Are you happy where we are?"
"I am," Jimin assured, because it was the absolute truth. "We"ve done a lot of things the wrong way, but this right now feels like the right way, you know? And I"m not going to take it for granted."
And when Jeongguk smiled, Jimin just opened his mouth, a feeling of pure satisfaction warming him better than anything on that slightly chilly night.
"More?" Jeongguk asked, referring to the food that Jimin was interested in.
Jimin just nodded and was happily fed again. Always together, they roamed the night, told absurd things about themselves, reminisced about things from the past and showed places on the streets they liked to go, Jimin feeling obliged to stop and pet a dog that was walking with its owner, watching Jeongguk smile and try to get him to walk again because Jimin had been doing that for a good 5 minutes.
They explored the night until they were finally tired and Jimin found that getting tired when he was with Jeongguk was very difficult. Instead, Jimin felt good, excited, completely content with the company of the person that months ago he got irritated just by looking at him. Sometimes life holds crazy surprises. Things can change in the blink of an eye.
That night and many more, they would break through together, like two people hopelessly in love.
**
“It"s okay, it"s okay. It"s already over.” Jimin finished drawing blood from a frightened, crying 11-year-old boy lying on a stretcher in the ER. He had already cried the same way minutes before because there was already an IV in his arm receiving medication, while Jimin turned to his mother who was swinging her leg in a nervous gesture.
“His fever isn"t going down,” Jimin said in a gentle voice, taking the blood sample that was going to the lab and approaching her after adjusting the sheet comfortably. “That"s why the doctor wants to keep him here in the hospital for a while, for observation. We"re going to prepare a bed in the pediatric ward and I"ll let you know when they"re going to transfer him, okay?”
She nodded, smiling a little. “Thank you, Jimin-ssi.”
“Anything else you want to know?”
"No, no. I don"t think so. Did you say it"s an infection?”
"That"s right. Tonsil infection. We"ve already started with the drugs, now let"s see how it evolves. If you need anything, call me, okay? And... Seho-ssi?” Jimin called out to the boy with a smile, who still refused to talk to him. “What can I do to get you to talk to me?”
Seho didn"t answer again, silently staring at Jimin, his expression hard.
"Are you glad I"m leaving now?"
And when Seho gave a thumbs up almost instantly, Jimin was smiling again. Two years had passed and working on ER was still what Jimin just loved to do. Every day for those two years, he struggled to improve things and improve himself, spending most days in that room, each day something new popping up, with kind patients sometimes and a few skittish other times, but Jimin almost always he ended up smiling like that, as he did as he walked back to the counter.
“Has anyone seen Seho’s chart?” Jimin asked.
“Right here, sunbae,” Yangmi, the nursing student who often accompanied Jimin, handed him over.
“Thank you,” Jimin smiled, ready to take his notes, when he noticed Taehyung stopping beside him and noting that he hadn"t seen him in the last hour. "Where were you?"
“Needed a break. I had a headache."
"Are you feeling better?" Jimin worried, because nothing had changed in their friendship in those two years. On the contrary, both of them more and more knew how to decipher each other, and that"s why Jimin knew that Taehyung was too quiet. “Are you okay to go tonight?”
"Yeah, I"m a little better," Taehyung assured, taking one of the chairs. “I already took a painkiller. I"ll be fine. I"ll be in my party mode soon.”
"Which is the way you normally are."
"Exactly," Taehyung winked at him and Jimin shook his head, laughing. “When does Jeongguk arrive?”
“He said he would arrive around 9 pm.”
And Jimin was about to freak out over that. Three weeks away from Jeongguk seemed like too much and Jimin was restless with longing, even if it was irrational. Jeongguk had traveled to the United States to give a lecture and ended up staying there to attend some courses and almost every day Jimin heard him talk about how he was enjoying things there. They were always texting and calling each other, but still, Jimin would just get grumpy sometimes and it was all about wanting to see Jeongguk.
Oh, the moment he laid eyes on Jeongguk again...
Two years dating Jeongguk and things just felt like the first time. They loved each other like it was the first time, laughed and kissed and stole hugs from each other out of the blue like the excitement of discovering each other hadn"t gone away yet. Maybe it hadn"t, because each day they were learning to love each other even more. They still fought sometimes and had arguments, because no relationship was perfect. They tried hard to choose to communicate and when everything was fine, their daily life was full of long conversations, dinners while they told each other about their day, a lot of sex, Jimin curled up on the couch with Jeongguk while they talked about patients or about some class that Jimin was attending. They were still learning to live together, especially when they spent more time in the other"s apartment than their own. For that very reason they began to consider moving in together, but taking their time—they carefully and slowly considered places to move, to call home.
They considered a lifetime together.
Now, that early evening and most of that day, all Jimin could think about was that Jeongguk was finally coming back. To make things better, it was Jeongguk"s birthday and Seokjin had come up with the idea of making a little surprise, because Jeongguk was turning 30 after all. Quietly, he and Namjoon went to Seoul and the seven were supposed to meet at Jeongguk"s apartment, just a repeat of something that had happened frequently in recent years.
“Hoseok hyung said he was waiting for us, but Yoongi hyung came by and you know,” Taehyung gave a smart smile.
"I know." Starting to jot down what could be his last chart for the day, Jimin chuckled softly. “I bet he even forgot why he was still here. The effect Yoongi has on him.”
"He was all worried that things were going to go wrong when they moved in together, but hey, he"s more in love than ever."
And it was so beautiful to see, even though Hoseok often ran to them in worry because he and Yoongi had argued. Rarely did Taehyung and Jimin get worried, because the time they got worried when Hoseok even cried, to the point where the two of them called countless times the next day to an unanswered Hoseok, only to find out that he was actually in bed with Yoongi by his side.
Make-up sex was the best, they said. Or Hoseok said. And, well, Jimin could tell that he had tested that theory too.
"Finally!" Seokjin exulted as Jimin and Taehyung closed the apartment door, leaving some food on the kitchen counter.
"I thought I"d have to go over there and bring you two," Hoseok added, sitting on the couch.
“We were only an hour late,” Taehyung tried to steal a piece from the bowl and received a slap on the hand.
“And even then, it doesn"t matter. Jeongguk hasn"t arrived yet,” Jimin sobbed dramatically, fake crying. "I can’t take it anymore."
“Ah–there he goes with that,” Taehyung teased.
Jimin smiled innocently, slapping Taehyung"s ass as he passed. "I"m going to shower first."
When Jimin was promptly bathed and dressed in comfortable clothes that he left in Jeongguk"s wardrobe, he perched on the couch, cell phone clutched in hand, waiting for Jeongguk"s call. He said he would call as soon as he took a cab to the apartment and he probably expected to find only Jimin there. But Jimin couldn"t wait to see his reaction to seeing everyone together after almost four months of not being able to meet, because Jeongguk just loved it when they were all together.
“Where are Yoongi and Namjoon?” Jimin asked, suddenly getting up to drink some water.
"They went to buy the drinks," Hoseok replied.
"How are things at The Garden, hyung?" Jimin wanted to know again, his attention on Seokjin who was mixing something in a bowl.
"They"re great, actually,” Seokjin beamed. “I"m always wondering if I should open another one somewhere else, because I always end up wanting to grow things, but I don"t know..."
"You should. I miss it there."
"I miss it too," Hoseok agreed. “Jimin. Your phone.”
Jimin had practically run and stumbled to the couch, grabbing the device.
“Hyung?” Jimin answered, excitedly.
“Hey, love.” Just hearing Jeongguk"s voice was enough to make Jimin melt, as if they hadn"t talked that very morning. “I just got in the car. I"ll be here shortly.”
"Okay. Okay, come home quick,” Jimin smiled happily.
“I was thinking about stopping by that place we like to get food and–“
“No,” Jimin shot. “Just–just come home. Please."
"But I–"
“Jeon Jeongguk, do you have any idea how much I miss you right now? And we"ve already missed almost the entire day of your birthday. And we won"t need food because everyone"s here and–"
An explosion of "Park Jimin"s and indignant exclamations, wide eyes from the others staring at Jimin spoil the surprise. Jimin gave an regretful smile, listening as Jeongguk started laughing on the other end of the line.
"What do I do with you, Park Jimin? Wait for me."
Jimin actually waited, every second anxiously pacing the living room and kitchen, his friends trying to get him to be quiet, to no avail.
"Why are you so nervous?" Hoseok asked, amused.
"I"m not nervous."
“You"ve already spoiled the surprise anyway,” Taehyung added, the teasing that resulted in Jimin trying to hit him with a pillow.
“Jimin, is this the seaweed soup that Jeongguk’s mom sent him?” Seokjin asked, taking a bowl from the fridge.
“Huh? Yes. That"s the one.” Jimin remembered with what he had talked to Jeongguk"s mother the day before and, about their parents, what could he say? They tried to look surprised about the two dating, but they didn"t convince anyone. It seemed that everyone already knew that this could happen and Sinwon was the one who seemed the happiest, occasionally making them go to Busan. Other times they didn"t need to be convinced and Jimin and Jeongguk, out of nowhere, just decided to go—just as they completely out of nowhere, one Saturday morning, decided to drive to Hanagae Beach in Incheon. It was a happy memory, both of them walking barefoot on the sand, talking about everything or just enjoying the sound of the waves and people around, with a bunch of birds flying so close that Jimin ended up having a fit of laughter.
"I heat up the soup now or I–"
But before Seokjin could finish, or Jimin could hear the rest of the sentence, they heard the door unlock and Jeongguk was all Jimin could see. Nothing was going to stop him from running over to Jeongguk because Jimin actually did, practically jumping on him and grabbing himself there, Jeongguk quickly holding him and staggering back while laughing.
“Did you miss me that much?” Jeongguk took a breath, staring at Jimin"s pretty smile.
"No. Just a little."
“Just a little,” Jeongguk repeated, humorously. "Is that why you"re clinging to me like that?"
"What happened here?" Namjoon appeared behind, confused but facing the scene with humor, a bag hugged to his chest.
“Just another normal day in the world of these two.” Yoongi walked past them, chuckling, and when he left the bottles on the kitchen counter, he came back to pat Jeongguk affectionately on the shoulder. “Happy birthday, Guk.”
“Thank you,” Jeongguk gave a wide smile that showed only great happiness, placing Jimin on the ground and pulling Yoongi into a tight hug this time. "I really couldn"t imagine that I would find you all here."
And because Jeongguk said sarcastically, the place was filled with laughter, Jimin rolling his eyes in humor as he wrapped Jeongguk back in a hug, his face resting against his shoulder.
“Your boyfriend"s fault,” Hoseok bantered.
"Hey, Jimin-ah," Namjoon called out. “Leave a space there for me to give him a hug too.”
They occupied the couch and around the table in Jeongguk"s living room, Seokjin doing a good job of accepting the compliments on his food, Jimin filling his glass with soju once more as he enamoredly watched Jeongguk tell them about his trip. The atmosphere was light and relaxed, they already knew each other well enough to be perfectly comfortable bursting out laughing all the time and changing the conversation so often that someone always got lost. This time it was Hoseok, when they were already talking about a television show that had been hot lately, him taking a snack to his mouth as he rambled on.
“Should we take a trip together?” Hoseok came up with the idea, the focus of the conversation shifting again.
“Oh, that would be nice,” Yoongi smiled with excited anticipation.
Namjoon nodded, leaning against the back of his chair as Seokjin rested his legs in his lap.
“But travel where?” Jeongguk pondered.
"London? Somewhere in Australia? Or in the United States?” Taehyung jabbered and Hoseok laughed and wrapped an arm around his friend"s neck to shut him up, leaving a caress on the top of his head.
“I was thinking of something closer at first. Maybe Jeju?”
“Oh, I like that,” Jimin agreed, standing up to get more beer from the fridge. When he was back, he felt an arm wrap around his waist and Jimin was then on Jeongguk"s lap on the couch, who gave him a soft smile.
Jimin ended up smiling too, his arm going around Jeongguk"s neck and leaning in to place a quick kiss on his lips.
"How are you?" Jeongguk wanted to know, his voice low just for Jimin and inside their bubble.
"I’m fine."
“No more nausea?” Jeongguk rested a hand on Jimin"s thigh.
“No more nausea.” Jimin"s gastritis was almost completely healed, but he still had to control the stressors. So, it had been several weeks since he"d doubled a shift, and when he got home, he made sure to try not to think of anything that would literally make him think too much. That usually included trying to just relax by doing nothing, going out for some exercise, or, as most of the time, Jeongguk, who always tried to assuage his worries. And it didn"t always involve sex—sometimes it was simply what he was doing at that moment, wrapping around Jimin, stroking his back, leaving soft kisses on Jimin"s neck.
“I think I found a place for us,” Jeongguk told in a whisper, and Jimin stared at him in complete excited surprise, causing Jeongguk to chuckle under his breath.
And Jeongguk squirmed to take his phone out of his pocket with Jimin still on his lap, displaying the images of a not-so-large but cozy-looking apartment in Seodaemun-gu with a privileged view of the green of a park. It was the closest they"d been wanting so far and Jimin thought his face was going to break from smiling so much.
"Hyung..."
"You liked it?"
“It-it"s perfect. It’s..."
Home.
“We can finally have a dog,” Jimin beamed, still looking at the photos on the phone and Jeongguk was chuckling against his neck.
“Is that why you"re excited? I thought it was because we were moving in together.”
"Of course not. It"s for the dog.” Jimin teased like it was obvious and trying to look serious, but the second he met Jeongguk"s smile, they both broke into a whispered laugh. Just as quietly, they exchanged subtle, quick kisses, lost in each other.
“Happy birthday, baby,” Jimin whispered to him, a sweet smile mirroring Jeongguk"s. "I love you."
"I love you more."
“No,” Jimin stated.
"Yes."
And then they were teasing each other again.
In those two years, a lot of things were being healed. A lot of other things were falling into place, being built. Looking back, any of them could find a lot of these things they could have done differently. But for Jimin, if changing things took him down a different path, he wouldn"t change a single thing. In the end, he would always choose the path that took him to Jeongguk, because that"s where his heart was.
Looking back, there were still so many things Jimin had to learn, but in that moment, surrounded by people he loved, Jimin had a much more interesting future to focus on, with the love of his life right there, hugging him. It was all about taking chances and maybe a lot about being brave in loving and being loved. Be brave in trying to be better for yourself and someone you loved.
Maybe one day they would fully heal from the things that bothered them. But until then, they had each other. Jimin had a place to call his comfort. Jeongguk could finally feel, everything, love and love like he always wanted.
They finally had... a home.