Work Text:
“Stupid. This was stupid,” Devo muttered to himself, pacing back and forth in his old room, the decoration as bland as ever. His eyes flicked over to his bed, where Guidance had laid out a set of robes, informing him he was free to wash his clothes, if needed. “I should not have come here.”
But were there any other choices? He could not just let Amber or Zoox deal with the church, and their various mind games.
Walking quickly across the room, he reached his hand into the bag he had brought with him before he heard the door open, and whipped his head around.
“Devotion!” Guidance said, a smile across her face. “I imagine you’ll be eating dinner with us?”
“No,” Devo responded, face hardening from his startled expression. “It’s Devo now, Guidance, and I have brought some rations, thank you.”
“Devo, of course,” Guidance corrected, looking anything but sincere as her smile got slightly sharper. A look he could now easily read as the annoyance he had gotten so many times growing up, hidden behind the innocent expression.
Hand still in the bag, Devo passed his finger over the volume button on the tonewheel, turning it all the way down before flipping the device on. Hopefully, Amber would get the message and get him before things truly devolved.
“As I’ve said, there is no need for bad blood between us, Devotion. I really do think it would do you some good to eat dinner with the rest of us, see some of your old friends? They’ve missed you dearly.”
He stopped for a second, considering his… friends, and felt his resolve weaken slightly. How had he forgotten about his friends? How could he have abandoned them?
“They do?” His voice came out softer than he would’ve liked as he imagined their smiling faces, then he stopped to think about what Guidance had said when he wasn’t able to picture anything.
Growing up in the way that he had, being raised as a Hand for the church, meant that he’d had very little time between studies, time Guidance had insisted he spent training the younger members. There was no time for socializing, no time for him to make friends.
With a flash of anger that he held onto with everything he hand, not sure that it wasn’t the only real thing, he looked Guidance in the eyes.
“I. Said. No,” He stepped forwards with each word, now face to face with Guidance, whose smile faltered briefly at his resistance. “I am here on professional matters, none of which require me to socialize with your puppets. Get out of my room.”
Throwing her bright smile back on like nothing had happened, Guidance nodded and moved towards the door.
“I am sorry you feel that way, Devotion.”
As the door clicked shut, Devo fell to his knees and shakily pushed himself back towards his bed, and reached for his bag.
“Amber?” He asked shakily as he turned the volume up, just barely audible enough for him to hear. “I do not want to stay here any longer.”
“Stay there. We’re on our way," her voice came through, steady. He could hear the commotion of other people, so she couldn't’ve been on the ship, if he was lucky, she’s almost here.
Staying silent, Devo reached for all the anger and resentment he had been holding since he had first heard Brother Seldom’s broadcasts on his tonewheel. It was perhaps the first real emotion he had been able to feel during his life with the Benevolent Parish.
It felt different than Guidance’s once calm and soothing aura had felt to him. It didn’t feel good, but it felt different , and that was all that mattered at that moment.
By the time Amber’s voice came back over the tonewheel, he was shaking and ready to explode at the next person he saw, but at least he knew it was real.
“We’re here, guppy,” She said, much calmer than him. Too calm; he almost snapped at the tone. “Come out to the lobby, we’ll meet you there.”
“Fine,” He said, in a single, clipped note.
Snapping at someone trying to help, like a child would.
When he saw her and Zoox, he nearly broke down, hot tears forming behind his eyes, but a look around the lobby said that there would be more than enough people around to tell Guidance about it, and she didn’t need any more fuel to burn him with.
Thankfully, it looked like no one but the receptionist recognized him, and she quickly stood to go get someone, probably Guidance.
“We should go,” He said quickly, catching an odd look on Zoox’s face before Amber rushed them out.
The walk back to the Coriolis was tense, or maybe that was just him, but it was quiet either way.
As soon as they got there, Devo made a break for the bridge, throwing himself onto the nest of pillows and blankets he called his bed.
As soon as he was sure no one had followed him, he felt a short whine leave his throat, and threw one of the pillows with an angry shout.
Finally breaking down into alternating sobs and yells, he kicked at the wall nearest him, the pillows in front of it stopping any actual damage from being done to him or the ship, and pounded his hands into the blankets next to him.
He’s stopped by spectral hands around his wrists, and looks up in a panic to see Amber there, looking worried.
The shock of someone else begging there caused him to freeze, legs and vocal cords stilling and tears flew silently down his face as he looked into her eyes. He could no longer find it in him to move at all, too frozen in place to even collapse.
Frowning a little, Amber used her two free hands to wrap a blanket around Devo, who just followed her with his eyes, not moving.
As soon as he felt’s Amber’s hand brush against his shoulder, he flinched hard, his head smacking off of the wall behind his as he began to sob again.
“It’s just me, guppy,” She said with a lost look on her face as she brushed the back of her hand over Devo’s forehead before using her spectral hands to lift Devo’s hands from where they had been pinned.
They look sore from where they’d been hitting the ground, not as much cushioning there as there was for his feet, just a few thin blankets.
Silently, either for his benefit or hers, she reaches into her bag and pulls out some first aid supplies to wrap his shaking hands with.
When they’re done, Amber sits silently next to him as he begins to calm down, and tenses as he leans against her side, awkwardly putting her hand up to run through his hair.
“We’ve got you, Devo.”