Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tommy met eyes with worried, wide, brown ones.

Wilbur’s face was very close to his own. He must have been watching closely, waiting for the slightest twitch or gasp.

He didn’t speak right away, and instead, Wilbur raised his hands to thumb away the tears on Tommy’s cheeks. And even when Tommy’s cheeks were dry, the motion didn’t stop.

Feeling brave enough, Tommy asked, “Wilbur?”

Wilbur froze, thumbs resting gently on Tommy’s face. Then Wilbur readjusted his hands and scooted his chair closer.

“Tommy?” he whispered. “Are you awake?”

“...Yes?”

Tears sprung instantly to Wilbur’s eyes and Tommy had to close his own. He couldn’t handle seeing Wilbur cry anymore. Enough was enough.

“Oh no, no please keep your eyes open. I can’t stand seeing you asleep anymore.”

Tommy opened his eyes. Just for Wilbur. “Am I really awake?”

“Yes,” Wilbur laughed wetly. “You’re really awake.”

“Really really?” Tommy asked, trying to sit up.

Pain rolled through him in heavy, fast, unbearable waves. He groaned and clenched his eyes shut. His breaths stuttered and he couldn’t get them under control until he powered through the pain.

“—sy, easy. You have been a piece of work for Charlie and Grian, you know that?”

Tommy hummed, worried that any more movement would send him into round two.

“What do you need right now? Anything, I’ll get it for you. Well—Phil and Techno will get it when I tell them you’re awake.”

Tommy stuttered through another breath before he answered. “Clementine?”

Wilbur smiled so wide that it hurt Tommy’s heart. Then, Wilbur took one of Tommy’s hands, lifted it, and moved it to his stomach. His hand brushed fur, and Tommy realized there was a weight on his stomach. A Clementine-sized weight.

Mrrph.

She perked up the second Tommy touched her. She stepped off of him to pad her way up to his face. She rammed her nose into his cheek, licked his eyebrow, and then headbutted him and flopped against his shoulder.

Wilbur swiped back Tommy’s hair again. “What else do you need Tommy? What can I do for you?”

Tommy hummed again. “Just you. I just need you n’ Techno n’ Phil.”

Wilbur picked up his phone from the bedside table and called Phil. “He’s awake. I’m calling Charlie next. See you soon.” He hung up before Phil could get any words out.

“Why not hit the button?” Tommy asked after Wilbur hung up.

“Sometimes your condition would get worse,” Wilbur latched on to Tommy’s free hand while he dialed Charlie’s number, “so we only use the panic button when that happens because we don’t want to scare each other.”

Tommy mumbled an answer and couldn’t help his eyes closing again. Wilbur squeezed his hand and spoke into the phone.

“He’s awake. Seems fine other than pain.” A pause. “I remember how to do the painkillers if you want me to.”

Tommy kept tiredly petting Clementine. She purred against his face. It was soothing, familiar, and so real. And she was actually orange again. Huh.

“I know he’s awake because he’s having a full conversation with me. Well, as full as he can, being so exhausted.”

Tommy’s body really hurt. It was nothing like in his dreams. He didn’t feel much of anything in his dreams. It was like his injuries had disappeared.

“Tommy say hi.” Wilbur shoved the phone into his face.

“Hi Charlie.”

He heard a gasp on the other side before Wilbur pulled the phone away.

“If you’re not quick Phil and Techno are gonna get here and try to convince me to move him to the nest—it’ll work.”

Wilbur hung up.

“Why shouldn’t we go to the nest?” Tommy mumbled.

Wilbur put his phone down, and with a new free hand he started playing with Tommy’s hair.

“Don’t want to risk moving you. We’ve never dealt with a power’s effect like this before—I mean he had two enhancers when he put everyone to sleep but he only spoke the command at you. We were scared you’ll fall back into it.”

Tommy’s breath stopped. Clementine meowed directly into his ear.

“Prime, Wil, don’t let me go back to sleep.” Tommy leaned his face into Clementine. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to get out of it again.”

“Did you do something? You, what? Knew you were in a dream and woke yourself up?”

Tommy nodded. He didn’t have the strength for more detail.

“Wil I threw the dagger to you—then what happened?”

Wilbur smiled. “Oh, it was such a good throw, Tommy. I caught it, he made you sleep, and I didn’t even have to speak to command him. With it, I just had to direct my thoughts at him.”

“You caught it?”

“I caught it.”

“Really?”

“I promise.”

Stray little tears spilled past Tommy’s temples into the pillow behind him. Wilbur wiped them away again.

“What did you think happened?” Wilbur asked.

Tommy closed his eyes to squeeze out more tears. “Somnium knocked you out of the air with his sword and caught the dagger. He had three enhancers—discs, bracelet, dagger. Made you sleep n’ then me.”

Wilbur held Tommy’s face with gentle urgency. “I caught the dagger, Tommy. I caught it, and while he was making you sleep I made him freeze. What you saw was just a dream.”

“But it was so seamless,” Tommy whispered.

“It wasn’t real.”

“I thought I killed us all. I thought I killed the city.”

“You saved the city. Throwing that enhancer to me saved the city.”

“You really caught it?”

Wilbur lifted his right hand. It was wrapped in bandages. “Went right through my palm.” Then Wilbur touched the hand Tommy was petting Clementine with. “We’re twinning.”

Tommy remembered his hand being impaled by a machete. Now he felt the bandages. And the pain. He winced. But he felt something else—or rather a lack thereof.

He lifted his hand high enough to see, Wilbur’s was hovering next to it, ready to latch on again.

Tommy was missing two fingers. The middle and ring finger.

“It’s alright,” Wilbur soothed, “you’re okay.”

“Can Charlie fix them?”

Wilbur frowned. “He doesn’t think so.”

Tommy fought back more tears. Though, better his fingers than his life. “But the middle finger is the best one,” he whined.

Wilbur laughed. His voice was wet again.

Someone opened the door. Techno walked in, hair up in a messy bun, followed by Phil—dark bruises under his eyes. Techno was wearing a sling for a broken collarbone and had bruises littering his arms. Both of Phil’s wings were wrapped and he had a brace on his knee. A white bandage poked out from under his shirt.

The sight gave Tommy the mind to look Wilbur over.

He was missing chunks of his wings. His throat was unsurprisingly bruised—but not as bad as it had been the last time. He had a bandage on his temple. And since he was wearing a tank top, Tommy could see the wrapping over his shoulder and around his upper chest.

He didn’t have time to ask if they were okay because Techno and Phil were in the process of grabbing his face and hands like Wilbur had.

“Oh, mate,” Phil whispered, holding his face just like Wilbur had. “The nest has been so empty without you.”

“He hasn’t been able to touch it,” Techno said quietly. “Could barely look at the nest without chirping about his missing fledgling.”

Techno was rubbing circles into Tommy’s wrist, the bandaged one.

“Well, Techno spoiled Clementine and cuddled with her every minute she wasn’t in here with you,” Wilbur told Tommy.

“Wilbur literally climbed into your hospital bed yesterday.”

“Techno made you a welcome-back basket.”

“Wilbur—”

“Boys,” Phil chuckled. “He just woke up and you’re already arguing over him.”

“We’re not arguing over him,” Wilbur said. “We’re teasing each other.”

Tommy had closed his eyes again at this point, intending to let them bicker and play with his hair and hands. But, as he learned ages ago, all pleasant things have their time limit.

Charlie walked in, and it was time to check him over, re-dress wounds, and talk about his next steps in ‘healing’ or whatever.

Charlie unwrapped his wing first and gestured for Phil to take care of it. Tommy realized a bit late that Phil was about to preen the wing and wash it with regeneration. He was watching Charlie unwrap his hand when Phil started.

nice, Tommy trilled.

“Feel good?” Phil asked.

niceeeeee.

Charlie was cleaning Tommy’s hand stitches. Which hurt like hell by the way. And Tommy had to use his other hand to pet Clementine. Which left Techno and Wilbur nothing to hold but his other wing, and his face.

“You guys’re really clingy,” he murmured.

love, Wilbur crooned.

safe, Techno crooned.

fledgling, Phil crooned.

“Stop it,” Tommy grumbled, “or I’ll… I’ll…”

“You’ll what,” Wilbur challenged.

Tommy chirped. Then, “I’ll cry.”

**********

“You have to sleep, Tommy,” Techno begged.

Tommy shook his head. “I can’t. I won’t.”

“What did you see? What happened in your dreams?”

Tommy crossed his arms, disrupting Clementine, and he turned his head away from Techno. He didn’t mean to stress them all out. But he just couldn’t sleep.

“Kid, please. You haven’t slept in three days.”

“I slept for almost two weeks!”

“You were in a magic-induced coma, I wouldn’t call that sleep. I especially wouldn’t call it rest.” Techno ran his hand through Tommy’s hair.

Had Techno ever done that before? Had he ever done anything like it?

“I’m sorry,” Tommy whispered. “I can’t.”

“Not even if I lie with you?”

Tommy shook his head.

“Even if I had you all wrapped up in my wings where nothing could get you?”

Tommy shook his head.

“With the lights on and Clementine in your arms?”

“No.”

Techno kept playing with his hair. Thinking, watching the wall next to Tommy’s head. He looked tired, Tommy realized. He hoped Techno would go to sleep, even if Tommy didn’t.

“You’re not gonna go back into a coma this time, Tommy, you’re fully awake now—when we said we were worried about it, that was because you would just open your eyes sometimes. You would open them and just stare, and not react at all.”

Tommy was done with nightmares. He shook his head again. “I’m not going to sleep.”

“You’ll have to eventually.”

Tommy chose to ignore that fact. “Not tonight.”

Techno sighed. “Why don’t you tell me what happened in your dreams then? Obviously, it wasn’t pretty.”

“Why do you wanna know so bad?”

“Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this. You’ve been scared before but this is… I mean this is something else. You’re not eating or sleeping. You won’t talk about it—hell you barely talk about anything. It’s like you wanna puke every time you look at your wings.”

Tommy bit his cheek.

When he looked at the phoenix part of himself he was reminded that Kurt was a phoenix in his dreams. He just had to wonder if that was based on any truth. And if it was, did Kurt manipulate him with instincts and make him forget? Did he use phoenix weaknesses without Tommy noticing?

“Please just tell me about your coma so I know how to prove you’re out of it.”

Tommy groaned. “I don’t want to think about it.”

“Just give me anything. A sentence. A few words. A vague feeling—anything.”

“Well,” Tommy swallowed, “first, I thought we lost. Thought Somnium caught the dagger instead of Wilbur.”

Techno nodded. “Okay, Wilbur told me that much.”

“Yeah. I woke up with you n’ Phil hovering over me. You told me it took a while to wake me up and Wilbur was kidnapped.”

Techno hummed an acknowledgment.

“Then you guys said we were giving up and going into hiding and I wanted to stay but you guys drugged me and took me with you.”

“And I’m sure that scared you a lot. We betrayed your trust.”

Tommy hummed. “Yeah, but the dream kinda just—changed course? I ended up staying behind and saving Wilbur but I just…”

“What happened after that?”

“I would never do it. Not—I don’t really want it I just—in the dream it was different.” Tommy didn’t want to say it.

“It’s okay kid, people do things in dreams that they would never do in real life. It’s not always reflective of who you are.”

Tommy took a deep breath. “It was just a collage of all my worst fears. I took over the city and basically became Cicatrix—and then Kurt came back and I was just under his control again and I had to fight you and I found out Kurt was actually a phoenix like me—”

calm, safe, Techno crooned.

“Hey, we know for a fact that Somnium was human. Okay? We know. He’s out of commissions and we know.”

Tommy bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “The dream shifted again and we were back to just after The Pit and I was labelled as a villain and sent to Pandora.”

safe, relax, safe.

“Then Wilbur became a villain because of me and broke me out and you guys were hunting us down and Wilbur kidnapped Tubbo and blackmailed Ranboo and we had to go on the run and the dream shifted again and we were back at the start of the fight with Cicatrix and Phil was disappointed in me because he thought I was lying to him to get out of the fight—”

Techno put a hand on Tommy’s chest. “Breathe. Phil is so proud of you. He is so so proud of you, I promise. And so am I. Just breathe.”

“By then I knew Kurt had gotten me and I knew I was dreaming so I had to scare myself awake by dying but you guys saved me and then you took me away and I realized I just took the two of us—with enhancers out of the fight and what if it was real?”

“Breathe, Tommy.”

“And then it shifted again and we had won that battle—like actually defeated the villains but I was still trying to wake up so I didn’t even get to pretend and enjoy it—I was already in the process of overdosing on morphine and Wilbur cried over my body.”

Tommy ended with a sob.

“It just never stopped.”

“It’s done now,” Techno said.

“But what if it’s not? What if it just shifts again any second?”

“Did you notice anything wrong in your dreams? Details that didn’t make sense? Impossible things that happened?”

Tommy nodded. “Sometimes Clem was the wrong colour. Or the hospital gown I had to wear. My injuries were never visible—I couldn’t feel them. Or the wrong wing was withered.”

“Those are all things you can look for when you’re not sure if this is real. Give yourself a small, emphasis on small, pinch. Count your fingers. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Or push your hand against the wall. Solid surfaces can feel pretty grounding.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. I’ve had my fair share of dissociative episodes. Sometimes those things aren’t enough to pull me back down but if I catch it early enough it helps.”

Tommy rolled onto his side, facing Techno. Clementine readjusted herself against his back.

“I’m still not sleeping tonight.”

“Alright. I’ll stay with you.”

“You don’t have to do that. You should sleep. Prime knows you all need it as much as I do.”

Techno hummed. “That’s debatable. But no, I’ll stay awake with you in case you need me.”

“I could just wake you up.”

“Yeah but would you?”

Tommy chuckled. “Probably not.”

“I’m glad you’re self-aware. Now scooch over.”

“I’m not sleeping,” Tommy said, scooching over.

“You don’t have to sleep,” Techno answered, lying down.

“You’re discretely trying to get me to sleep.”

“I’m not even touching you anymore.”

“Yeah but you’re gonna, like, put your wing over me or start playing with my hair again.”

“And that’s gonna make you fall asleep?” Techno asked with a smirk, adjusting the blankets over them.

Tommy sniffed. “No.”

“Oh good then I’ll keep doing it.”

And he did. But to Tommy’s credit, he did not fall asleep that night. A few times he lingered between awake and asleep, face pressed into Tehcno’s chest, trying his hardest not to let his eyelids fall for too long.

**********

“If you move another inch I’ll have you zip-tied to that bed,” Phil warned.

Tommy cringed, and slowly retracted his foot from where it was mid-step out of the bed. He sat back against the pillows and glared.

“I know you’re antsy but this is the most crucial time to rest. There’s nothing in front of you now. No missions, no fights, no problems. You can get your energy back.” Phil closed the door behind him and rolled a spinny chair around to sit backward on it. He rested his arms on its head. “You can’t convince me that you feel well enough to get up yet.”

Tommy crossed his arms. Phil was right. He still felt like shit. Everything hurt. He didn’t like to look at his hand or patchy right wing. Breathing too hard hurt. There was always at least one spot in his skull that had to pulse with pain.

“It’s like I’m on bedrest every other week, Phil.”

“Oh, mate, I know. I’ve been there for all of them. You’re worse than Techno, and that is something mighty impressive.”

Tommy relaxed a bit. “Does Techno really get hurt that much?”

“Mhm. Remember when he antagonized your kidnappers into shooting him five times? Just to draw out their bullets?”

“Ah. Makes sense. He’s just… like that?”

“He is just like that.” Phil’s hand mindlessly strayed toward Tommy’s withered wing. “You aren’t as reckless as him though. You’re just quite unlucky I’d say.”

“You don’t think I’m reckless?”

“Oh, well I wouldn’t go that far. Just maybe not as reckless as Techno.” Phil touched the new fluffy feathers replacing the fallen withered ones. “Techno thinks he’s useless if he’s not sacrificing something. You seem to think you’re useless if you’re not perfect.”

Tommy scoffed. “Don’t psychoanalyze me.”

“You make mistakes and react like you’re the only one in the world who’s ever done such a thing. And when you fix it, it still doesn’t feel good enough because you never should have fucked up in the first place.”

Tommy dramatically nodded his head. “Oh, thank you, great Philza. I now understand myself and will be forever changed for the better.”

“Listen here, you little shit, I’m trying to make you reflect on how you feel right now.”

“I’m reflecting! Like a mirror! A freshly shined, unbroken, perfectly flat and unbendy mirror. So reflective.”

Phil smiled. “I’m glad you’re making jokes again. We never like seeing you go so quiet.”

“Phil I’m trying really hard to keep this humourous and light-hearted but you keep bringing it back around to angst and trauma.”

Phil laughed. “Okay. Sorry, sorry. Just don’t leave your bed yet. I’ll talk to Charlie about moving you to the nest but he wants to keep your monitors attached, and he wants easy access to an IV.”

“I think secretly you guys are worried I’m gonna run away and be Rubrum again.”

“No… should we be worried about that?”

Oh. Well, Tommy was joking again but he actually didn’t know. He wasn’t sure what was coming next. He really didn’t want to abide by the heroes’ limitations and schedules. He didn’t want to act in interviews.

He didn’t want to betray the trust of the people in Logsted who hate the heroes that ignore them.

“Tommy, I know you have your doubts about becoming a hero… but vigilantism is completely and utterly off the table for you now.”

“I did a lot of good.”

“You did. You really did. But, and I’m sorry to say this, you also did a lot of damage. That kind of thing can be avoided as a hero with a team and extra resources.”

The Pit. Allowing kidnappings. Injuring heroes to escape being captured. Putting Cicatrix in the right position to move on with his plans and free Somnium.

“That wasn’t an invitation for you to fall into that little guilt pit,” Phil said, poking Tommy’s temple. “Maybe you’ll be the hero that fixes this all, hm?”

Tommy breathed a long sigh. “I was really hoping someone else would do that.”

Phil’s smile turned sympathetic. “I know. You’re so tired, aren’t you? There’s no more weight on your shoulders, Tommy. You’ve done so much, you don’t owe anyone anything more.”

“Everyone’s gonna hate me when they see that Rubrum has become a hero. They’ll know about The Pit, and anyone from Logstead will shoot me on sight.”

“They don’t have to know about The Pit.”

“I am not covering shit up. That is exactly one of the shady things you shitbags do and I’m not gonna be a part of it.”

Phil looked taken aback. And Tommy realized he just called Phil and his sons shitbags. Oops.

Phil smirked. “Okay, mate. The public will know what you want them to know. And remember… you don’t have to be a hero. There’s a little room left for childhood experiences.”

“I must be eighteen by now.”

Phil laughed. “Seventeen, maybe. We never did look for your birthday with those DNA tests. That can be my mission for today.”

“Okay, Phil.”

“I’ll be back in a little bit, so, do you want me to get you anything?”

“A monster energy drink.”

Phil gave a warning look. “How about a coke?”

Tommy sighed. “I guess that’s fine.”

Phil left him with a hair ruffle and Tommy reoccupied himself on his phone. He did a lot of reading. Articles, blogs, and Twitter. People were talking nonstop about the big battle over the tower and the fires. Everyone from the area who’d been evacuated was grateful to be going back.

Some were pissed at the damages left behind.

“im a villain girl but that was not hot”, one said.

To which another answered, “but it literally was”.

Followed by, “my dead cat found it pretty hot”

And that’s when Tommy took a break from Twitter to cuddle Clementine. She looked better than ever. Clean, well-fed, starry-eyed. She was everything.

Inevitably though, Tommy was drawn back into the clutches of the internet. He ended up reading people’s thoughts and theories.

“do you think rubrum is a real hero now?”

“i hope not, he’s probably spying from the inside”

“no rubrum is a good man he should be a hero”

And he went on reading like that for a while. When Phil came back, Clementine was lying across Tommy’s neck, effectively cutting off ninety percent of his air supply.

“What’re you doing?” Phil asked, poking Clementine. “You just got him back, don’t kill him now.”

Tommy removed the cat from his neck and placed her on his chest. He discarded his phone on the side table and looked up expectantly at Phil.

“Your birthday is September 17th.”

Tommy snorted. “Oh, I was so wrong then.”

“What was your guess?”

“April or August. And something with a nine in it.”

Phil handed Tommy a can of coke. To open it, Tommy had to use the hand with missing fingers. He cringed when he was unable to use his middle finger to help lift the tab.

“I’m gonna have to relearn writing with this hand,” he groaned.

“At least it wasn’t your thumb. Everybody forgets to appreciate their thumbs.”

Tommy gave Phil a confused look. “What?”

“Nobody realizes just how much they use their thumbs! Be grateful for thumbs, always.”

“No no Phil I think I use my middle finger more if you know what I’m saying.”

Phil rolled his eyes and sipped his own can of coke. He reached over to pet Clementine, who rolled onto her back and demanded belly rubs.

“Your birthday isn’t that far away,” Phil said.

Tommy shrugged. “S’ a month or two isn’t it?”

“Yeah, month and a half. You should start thinking about how you want to celebrate.”

“I’ve never really enjoyed birthdays.”

“When have you had a birthday with someone other than Somnium?”

Tommy pursed his lips. “Fair point.”

“Just think about it. Doesn’t have to be anything big.” Clementine nibbled on Phil’s knuckles. “Oh, and Charlie said that if you were alright with it we can move you to the nest.”

“Prime, please. I’m so sick of medical rooms.”

“I’m sick of seeing you in them, mate. Hopefully, in a month or so, we’ll be back to the other tower and we can give you a real bedroom.”

“That’ll be nice.”

“I can see you getting sleepy.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Nuh-uh. I’m wide awake.”

“You need to sleep. It’s been five days. I don’t know how you’re doing it.”

“No.”

Phil shrugged. “The second your head hits the nest you’ll be out anyway.”

“Not true.”

“We’ll see when Charlie gets here.”

When he did they rolled Tommy’s bed into the SBI living space but Tommy was, thankfully, allowed to walk himself into the nest. Phil had to help him walk but they made it. And Tommy sank down into the cushions.

He lay on his stomach, cheek pressed into the softness, body decompressing. Phil pulled a duvet over him. It was heavy and light pink. Techno’s favourite. Wilbur had a yellow one. Phil had a green one. They promised to get Tommy one. He asked for blue. His favourite colour was actually blue, red just suited him better.

“Comfy?” Phil asked.

“Mhm.”

“Sleepy?”

“No.”

Phil huffed and turned to Charlie, who stood respectfully outside of the nest. “Thanks, mate, he was going stir crazy.”

“No problem. Get some rest, Tommy.”

“No,” he mumbled, too quiet for Charlie to hear.

Phil sat next to Tommy, leaning back against the nest wall. “You’re going to fall asleep Tommy, it’s okay to just let it happen.”

“No.”

With a snort, Phil put a hand on the blanket over Tommy’s back. Right between his wings. The weak spot. Tommy melted and closed his eyes with a soft breath. Then Phil’s hand moved in little circles and Tommy simply wasn’t a god.

nice, he trilled.

sleep, Phil crooned.

goodnight.

goodnight.

Tommy only woke up one time during his slumber, and that was when the brothers joined the nest. Techno loved that Tommy was wrapped up in his blanket. Wilbur insisted that they should also wrap Tommy up in his yellow one, which Phil said would give him a heatstroke.

So, in the midst of his bird-brain shenanigans, Tommy reached out to Wilbur in an attempt to make him feel included. Wilbur, of course, pulled Tommy right into his arms.

And that just put him back to sleep for the next fourteen hours.

**********

“So, have you made a decision?” Techno asked from the doorway.

Wilbur was standing right behind him. They’d been waiting to hear whether Tommy was going to continue heroism or not. And he had in fact made a decision.

Tommy stood from his bed—his own, normal, actual bedroom-in-the-tower bed—and gestured to the living room.

“Get Phil.”

Wilbur went to get Phil while Tommy and Techno stood patiently waiting for them. When they came out, Tommy sat down.

“I made a decision,” he said.

He was nervous, but he knew that they’d support him either way.

“And?” Phil asked.

“I think I do want to be a hero after all.”

They all blinked, a bit surprised.

“You do?” Wilbur asked.

“... is that a problem?”

“No! No, we’re just surprised but that’s great! You’re going to be great.”

Tommy smiled widely.

“You’ll have to wait until you’re eighteen to start the training. And twenty to take your assessment,” Phil reminded.

“No fucking way you’re still applying that rule to me.”

“Sorry mate, you’re not old enough.”

Tommy’s jaw dropped, flabbergasted. “You prick.”

“Sixteen-year-olds do not get to risk their lives.”

“Okay I’m almost seventeen and you literally gave me an enhancer to help me fight the most powerful villains in the world.”

“That was… a special circumstance. But now you have the next two years to relax, take up some hobbies, and work on your life skills!”

“Phil,” Tommy whined, “I’m gonna get rusty.”

“And that’ll be a good sign that you had a chance to live a normal life—and hey, you can help with Ranboo and Tubbo’s rehabilitation processes too.”

They had each been taken under the wing of other heroes. Schlatt and Niki are their main mentors, but Phil is still there to help. They had been pardoned by the heroes because of their contributions to the final fight—Tubbo’s antigen and Ranboo’s teleportation.

Tommy didn’t forgive them. In fact, he still thought they were awful people. But rehabilitation was better than relapse.

“Are you going to rebrand?” Wilbur asked. “Or is Rubrum living to see another day?”

Tommy glanced at Phil. “Am I even allowed to still be Rubrum?”

“Well, the supervisors won’t like it, but if you just do it they can’t stop you,” Phil said with a shrug.

“Phil said once that you guys had some name suggestions?”

“Yeah but Techno’s are stupid,” Wilbur said.

“Theseus is a good name,” Techno argued.

“It’s not Latin!”

“Neither was your favourite!”

“No no that was my second favourite, my first choice would be Cinis, Latin for ash.”

“Hmmm, the English one is better.”

Tommy glanced at Phil amusedly, raised an eyebrow, and blocked out the bickering. “Did you have names?”

Phil shrugged. “Figured I’d leave that to you, but the boys really want to be the ones to give you a name for some reason.”

“Weirdos,” Tommy teased.

“What do you think Tommy?” Wilbur asked.

Tommy snorted. “I stopped listening. What did you say?”

“I was thinking a cool name might be,” he paused for dramatic effect, “Ellipsis.”

Tommy wrinkled his nose. “What does that mean?”

“Well, ellipsis is the punctuation mark that’s like three dots, and usually, people use it to leave things out—or to represent that what came before isn’t important.”

Tommy nodded in understanding. “So it would be like the vigilante that I was before isn’t who I am anymore?”

“More like the mistakes you made don’t matter, the things you went through don’t have to define you or hold you back. And anyone who saw you as a villain should get over it.”

It was a good name. It was clever and meaningful. It meant even more that Wilbur thought of it. But it left a bad taste on his tongue.

Rubrum was his story. The things he went through are how he got to where he is and it was important. His mistakes are something he would prefer to forget but they were still a part of his story. They got him here. He didn’t want to leave them out of his history.

But he didn’t know how to explain that to Wilbur.

“Maybe.”

Wilbur hummed. “You don’t really want a new name, do you?”

He shrugged. “I’m attached to Rubrum.”

“I think it would be good for you to keep that identity,” Techno said. “Gives some people hope that you’ll make change because you know how it is in Logsted.”

“Yeah,” Tommy said. “And I want other vigilantes to know that I’m still on their side—I won’t arrest them and I hope you know that.”

Phil nodded. “I didn’t hear you say that.”

“Me neither,” Techno said.

“Hear what?” Wilbur grinned.

Tommy laughed. “And I want the heroes to know that I’m not some puppet—I’m not listening to your bullshit orders unless they make sense.”

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose, “I can already feel the gray hairs growing in.”

“I can already see em’,” Techno mumbled.

That earned him a swat on the arm.

“But, Tommy,” Wilbur started, smile falling. “You can be suspended. You are on thin ice. You’re not a vigilante anymore, as much as we know you’ll try to be.”

Tommy crossed his arms and sat back. “Let them suspend me, then I will be a vigilante again.”

“No,” Phil warned. “If you go back to that it’ll have to be us that catch you again. We won’t be able to protect you from a label as a villain a second time.”

“Vigilantes and villains are different.”

“I know they are, mate. I know. But that’s not how our superiors see it—and that’s something we're hoping to change. But until then, you have to be smart about the rules you break and the messages you send.”

Tommy sighed. “Yeah. Figures.”

“So… no new name then?” Techno asked. “Cause Theseus is still on the table.”

Tommy snorted, “No new name. Rubrum has officially infiltrated the heroes.”

**********

“I’m a reporter from Logsted!” one voice in the crowd shouted.

Tommy locked onto her voice and knew instantly that she was the one he wanted to take questions from.

“You in the back—from Logsted,” Tommy shouted. “Make room for her.”

The sea of cameras, microphones, and excited viewers parted for an older teenager. She smiled up at him, gleefully readying her microphone. Another girl behind her held up a camera.

“We’re from Logsted,” the girl said again, “we’re wondering if you’ll still be patrolling our area.”

“Yes,” Tommy said immediately. Phil grabbed his elbow but Tommy ignored it. “Yes, I am loyal to Logsted. I’ll be there.”

Phil pulled Tommy away from the mic. “You know you can’t promise that.”

“I can.”

“You don’t choose where and when you patrol. There’s a schedule.”

“I’ll find time.”

Tommy pulled away from Corvus, in full hero gear, to turn back to the Logsted girls. They glanced up at him from a notebook.

“Is it really true that you were involved in The Pit incident outside the city?” the reporter asked.

“It is,” Tommy said shamefully. “I trusted some people I shouldn’t have and didn’t ask enough questions. I’m glad that place is gone but I’m not proud of how we did it.”

“You worked with Cicatrix?”

“I did.”

The crowd erupted into more questions and outrage. Tommy clenched his teeth. Phil’s hand landed on his back between his wings.

“But you helped defeat him in the tower battle two months ago, right?”

Tommy breathed. “I did. I watched Gladius take Cicatrix down while I was fighting Somnium.”

“And is it true that the heroes asked you to wield one of the enhancers for this battle?”

“Yes. Corvus asked me to use an enhancer, and it helped me fight off Somnium.”

“So are you a hero because you want to be? Or because you have to be? And when will you start?”

Phil tensed behind Tommy. His hand fell away from Tommy’s back but he stayed silent, allowing Tommy to decide what he wanted the people to know.

“I want to be a hero so I can change things. If I thought I wouldn’t do any good here, I’d be running from Corvus again.”

“What kind of changes will you make?”

“Hero freedom. Heroes are stopped from taking the measures they need to all the time—I’m not saying we should get away with being destructive but I knew my limits well when I ran into those burning buildings months ago. The heroes waited for orders when I was already at the top looking for survivors.”

“You don’t think heroes should wait for a good analysis and subsequent orders?”

Tommy cringed. Prime, this was hard to do.

“I think the superiors we have are lazy, and the longer they waited… the fewer people they had to save.”

“Rubrum,” Phil hissed.

“What?” Tommy snapped back. “They’re the same people who wouldn’t look into The Pit until the public noticed me doing it.”

“The heroes weren’t looking for The Pit?” The reporter asked. “You found it, we know that, but were the heroes doing anything about the kids and teens going missing?”

“No,” Tommy said watching Phil’s face. “No, they weren’t doing anything. I mean, they looked into it a little. But I was the one that found it. I was the one saving kids from vans. I was the one who got trapped in there and had to fight my way out to get the location back to my team.”

“Of villains,” Phil reminded.

“I wouldn’t have worked with villains if I thought I could trust you more.”

Phil clenched his teeth. He nodded, understanding, but still tense. They were being watched, and Tommy wasn’t press-trained yet.

“You were trapped in The Pit? Did they make you fight?”

“Yes.”

“How did you escape?”

Goosebumps crawled up Tommy’s arms under his suit. “That’s a story for another time I think.”

“Let’s have some more questions about Rubrum as a hero,” Corvus said, briefly silencing the crowd. “We’re not here to relive bad memories.”

“Are you two close?” a new reporter asked. “What about with Gladius and Mandatum?”

Tommy breathed a relieved sigh. This was much easier to talk about.

“We’re close. They’ve helped me through a lot and kept me out of Pandora. I’m not trying to paint a bad picture of them—they’re the reason I can be doing this right now.”

“Is it true that you have the wings of a mythical creature like the rest of SBI?” another asked.

Tommy hesitated. After years of instinctually hiding them, was he ready to be known as a phoenix?

“You don’t have to show them, mate,” Phil whispered.

Tommy shrugged. “They’ll see them eventually.”

He unfurled his wings, letting them rise into the air. He didn’t set them on fire, for fear of not being able to turn it back off.

The very tops of his wings were still orange. A nice reminder that he was alive.

Cameras flashed and the crowd of journalists and reporters roared in delight and excitement.

“Do you believe that it’s fate, that all four of you with mythical wings have come together?”

Tommy laughed lightly, “Seems too unlikely not to be.”

“Are you a flock?” someone asked.

Tommy blinked and choked on a nervous laugh. “No.”

The answer was yes but nobody needed to know that he was Phil’s fucking chick now.

“Mate,” Phil teased.

Tommy shook his head quickly and hoped someone would change the subject.

“Mandatum said in an interview that he can’t stand to see you hurt anymore—is he usually the one to help you out?”

Tommy could feel his face getting hot. Thank Prime for masks.

“No. No fuck—freaking way. I have never needed that bas—man’s help ever.”

Phil was doing something behind Tommy’s back, he could tell. He turned to Phil—currently maskless—who just smiled at him fondly.

“Corvus?” the same reporter prompted.

“Oh they’re sweet together. Mandatum dotes on Rubrum like he’s the boy’s father.”

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Tommy whispered. “I was being like—rebellious and cool earlier and you’re ruining this for me.”

Phil holds his palms up placatingly.

“Can we maybe have some questions about—literally anything else?”

One reporter shoved his way to the front. “What’s your story? How did you become Rubrum—and how did you win these heroes over?”

Tommy blinked. “That’s uh… that’s a rough story.”

“We have ten minutes left,” Phil said. “You can choose to reveal this now, or you can wait.”

Tommy turned away from the mic and cameras to whisper, “What would you do?”

“Will waiting keep you anxious? Do you want everyone to know what you’ve been through?”

“I don’t know… is it a bad idea?”

“You might inspire someone. You’ll feel vulnerable. But it’s an amazing story of resilience.”

Tommy turned away from Phil quickly to avoid the proud look and having to come up with a humble answer to that.

“Who are you, Rubrum?” the reporter asked again.

Tommy took a deep breath.

“I was the kid Somnium held hostage on the parliament building. I lived, I sold him out, now I’m here.”

The crowd exploded again, making Tommy take a nervous step back into Phil.

“That’s all you needed to say,” Phil whispered. “If you want to be done, you can be done and I’ll get you out of here.”

“How did you live?”

“Where were you hiding all that time?”

“How did he have you in the first place?

“Are you a teenager then?”

“If you’re under the age of twenty, do you have to wait to be a hero?”

Tommy turned away from the crowd and grabbed a fistful of Phil’s shirt. “I’m done. That was a mistake.”

“It’s okay,” Phil said, wrapping a wing around him. “Let’s go.”

They started walking away, Phil’s wing covering most of Tommy, most importantly his face.

“Should I explain more?” Tommy worried.

“You don’t owe anyone that explanation. You revealed a lot today. Let them speculate… this is the story of a century for those Logsted girls.”

“WAIT!” a young voice screamed. “Rubrum wait! It’s me!”

Salty tears filled Tommy’s eyes. He blinked them out and turned back to the ground, eyes scanning wildly.

They were running, pushing through the crowd. And no one was letting them through.

“Move!” Tommy ordered. He pushed away from Phil and jogged toward the crowd. “Fucking move!”

He jumped off the stage into the crowd of people, only some of which were making room for them. Phil called after Tommy worriedly.

Was this real?

Tommy knelt in time to catch Cassidy in his arms.

They wrapped their arms around his neck and buried their face into his shoulder. He closed his wings around them, hiding them form the flashing cameras and rowdy journalists. His tears fell onto their shirt.

Tommy blew out a long, dizzying breath. Cameras clicked and people chattered but he only heard Cassidy’s little cries.

“Move back,” Phil ordered. “Further, get back.”

“Prime,” Tommy whispered. “How are you alive?”

Cassidy’s arms tightened around his neck and Tommy was overrun with the need to get them away from everyone.

“Is your mum here?”

Cassidy shook their head.

Tommy readjusted his hold on them and lifted them into the air. Phil used his wings like a shield around them, and Tommy kept Cassidy’s face tucked away to keep their identity private. Phil snapped at a few journalists and pushed a couple of cameras out of the way. They rushed past the stage and security stopped the crowd from following.

Someone opened the car door for Tommy and he activated his strength so he could maneuver himself and Cassidy inside more easily. The door closed beside them and Phil got in to sit in the seat across from them.

Phil ordered the car to drive immediately.

“Cassidy,” Tommy whispered. “Before anything else, we need to tell your mom where you are.”

Cassidy mumbled their mother’s phone number and Phil didn’t hesitate to call. There was a high chance that she’d just seen her child on the news, taken by heroes.

While Phil talked, Tommy asked, “What happened to you?”

“The night you escaped we escaped too,” they whispered. “You distracted them all so I got as many people as I could and we ran.”

Tommy’s heart warmed with pride. “You did that? You lead everyone out?”

Another fat tear slipped down Cassidy’s cheek. “Not everyone.”

Tommy crooned despite knowing Cassidy wasn’t an avian. “You did such a good job. You’re so brave.”

Prime, Tommy was going to start hyperventilating, but that wouldn’t do anyone any favours.

“They had some of us doing chores outside and we saw you run away,” they said.

Tommy’s heart plummeted. They were right there. Were those last shouts of his name real?

“Did you call for me?” he asked, fearing the answer.

Cassidy shook their head. “The person watching us went after you so I told everyone to run.”

Tommy tightened his wings around them. “Wow… wow, Cassidy you were like a superhero.”

Tommy had been so important to The Pit that they ignored their other fighters just to catch him. At that moment, he was grateful that they tried so hard to keep him locked up. It made them all the more desperate to catch him when he left.

“Did you have to walk all the way back home that night?” he asked.

Cassidy shook their head again, thank Prime. “One of the kids knew where we could find a gas station thing so we asked for the phone and called the police.”

“Oh, look at you go, all smart n’ shi—stuff. I ran the whole way back, like a dummy.”

Cassidy giggled half-heartedly.

Tommy looked up at Phil who was just putting down the phone. “How did we not know about this?”

Phil frowned. “Honestly, mate, we probably did. It’s just that we were so occupied with Somnium and Cicatrix that it must have been passed on to our interns to write the reports for.”

Tommy pressed a palm into his forehead. “I could have known this whole time—I could have come said sorry.”

“I knew you were busy,” Cassidy said. “We all knew you were busy.”

Cassidy pulled away, looked out the window, and then sat in her own seat. “Are we going to my mom?”

“Yes,” Phil said. “You didn’t tell her you were leaving.”

Cassidy guiltily looked at the floor. “She wouldn’t have let me.”

This time, and this time only, Tommy was glad they didn’t tell anyone they were leaving. Who knows when he would have gotten a chance to say sorry?

“You were so brave,” Tommy said again. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, but The Pit is gone and I’ll never let something like that happen here again.”

Cassidy nodded contently. “I just really wanted you to know we were okay. Chayanne wanted to come but he couldn’t.”

“Chayanne?”

Cassidy nodded. “He was Acidum.”

“Oh,” Tommy said, trying not to choke. “He’s okay?”

“Mhm. He has a new family now and I think he likes them a lot.”

“That’s really good. You should stay friends with him, help him out,” Tommy said, hoping they’d find comfort in each other. Seeing as how they were caught in the same trauma.

“Oh I will,” they said.

They took Cassidy to their house. Their mom was waiting on the front porch and when the car pulled up she speed-walked down the steps.

“Christ,” she cursed as Phil opened the door, “Cassidy!”

Cassidy hesitantly walked toward their mum, looking down. Cassidy’s mother hugged them tight and looked up at Phil and Tommy, standing there with fond looks.

“Thank you so much,” she said to them. “I knew this was bound to happen.”

“It’s not a problem,” Phil said.

Tommy found it hard to look Cassidy’s mother in the eye.

“Head inside Cass,” their mother said. Then she looked up at Tommy. “You. Thank you, they told me everything. Thank you.”

She came forward to hug Tommy and he didn’t feel like it was right to deny it.

“I’m sorry,” he started.

“No,” she interrupted, shaking her head. “You did your best and my kid is okay. Thank you.”

Tommy bit the inside of his cheek and rebuilt his expression before they ended the hug. She smiled at him, then at Phil.

She squeezed Tommy’s upper arm before leaving with a final note, “I know you’re going to do some great things, Rubrum.”

Tommy was left somewhat stunned. Phil wrapped an arm around his shoulders and turned him back to the car. Tommy sank back into his seat and Phil sat across from him again. The drive was quiet for a few minutes while Phil decided what he could possibly say to make things better, and while Tommy rethought every time he pushed away the breakdown he wanted to have because of the lives he ended in The Pit.

Phil came up empty-handed, nothing wise to share. What was there to say? Obviously, Tommy was overwhelmed, happy to know some of them were okay, but too stunned to process it all.

He would have appreciated more time with Cassidy. He wished he had a better apology ready for them. He wished that their mother yelled instead of hugged him.

“I don’t want to wait two years to start this shit,” Tommy said with a sigh. “They’re all expecting me to start changing shit now.”

“You don’t owe them anything.”

Tommy hummed, long and high, “Well…”

“You don’t. You’ve done plenty. You’re more than allowed to take a break.”

“I’m just eager to start feeling like I’m doing some good.”

Phil hummed. “It is a long way away. You’re already well trained.”

“... so?”

“So I’ll request an exception for you.”

“Really?”

“Only if you promise that it’s what you really want. You don’t have to start this—you can go to school or get a job or a hobby or find a club—”

“Phil this is everything to me. I… I think for a while I wanted to stop this all but now I have a really good opportunity to do the thing I became Rubrum for. I’m making it, I can’t stop now.”

“You can. If that’s what you need.”

“No. No, this feels good. This feels like a good start.”

Phil nodded. “Alright. But you’re still in recovery for the next two months. And you won’t be a fully-fledged hero yet—you can start the training early and maybe accompany us every once and a while on patrol.”

“Works for me.”

“You also need your wings preened tonight—but let me get some footage of it for Twitter,” Phil joked.

“Bastard.”

**********

“So how was that? First official hero fight,” Techno asked.

“That was so fucking cool,” Tommy breathed.

“Mhm. Now sit down, you’re bleeding a lot.”

“Nuh-uh. I feel alive.”

“Not for long you won’t. Sit, child.”

Techno and Tommy lowered themselves to the ground. Techno put each of his hands on a gash on Tommy’s arm and neck. They’d been called in—officially—as an official duo—legally—to fight some villain with whips and telekinesis.

They worked so well and so quickly and it was so cool and they basically read each other’s minds and Tommy got to quip officially and legally as a hero—

“You have so much adrenaline in you that you can’t even feel this,” Techno marveled. “Are you sure your pain enhancement isn’t active?”

“Nope, still just my speed.” Tommy found himself speaking through wide smiles. “Hey, are you hurt?”

Techno snorted. “With the way you threw yourself into that guy? He barely knew I was there.”

Techno stopped the bleeding but still frowned at the angry slashes. “This is gonna start hurting soon so turn on your enhancement.”

Tommy did. He looked down at his ripped suit.

“You’d think these suits would be strong enough to endure attacks from leather, but hey, who am I to judge.”

“Those whips were going like fifty miles an hour, Tommy. They cracked one of your ribs. And you’re lucky it was the side of your neck and not the front—or prime forbid the back.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. But since you can’t feel it, and there are cameras on us, I’m gonna let you walk away from this one.”

Tommy looked for the cameras and saw at least three recording. Two were just cell phones.

“This is embarrassing.”

“This… will be fun on Twitter.”

“Techno they go crazy when you guys do this shit.”

“You mean take care of you?”

“Yes! They just like… explode and cry and shit themselves.”

Techno snorted again and held out a hand to help Tommy up. He leaned himself back into the wall to catch his breath, Techno’s hand hovered nearby.

“For future reference, if you throw yourself at a villain like that around Phil you’ll get lectured. Hard.”

Tommy shrugged. “I was excited.”

“I know. But maybe let your teammates take some hits too.”

“Nah, you’ll just have to beat me there next time.”

“You sound like me. This is what I used to get lectured for.”

“Phil told me.”

“So you’re just doin’ the thing you know he hates?”

“Yup.”

“You must be my little brother,” Techno huffed, ruffling Tommy’s hair. “Let’s get going.”

“You bastard. You just gave them footage of that.”

“Of what? This?” Techno ruffled his hair again and faced the nearest camera. He waved at it. “You don’t want this footage out there?”

Tommy yanked on Techno’s wing, making the man choke down a squawk.

“Die.”

He flapped his wings to take off, feeling his rib creak and move. Techno stopped him, pinning him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t fly. We’ll get a car. We’re just gonna get out of sight.”

“Fine.”

Once in the car, when everything was calm and the city passed them by, Tommy felt good. Really good. He was hurt, and that sucked. But he had fun doing something he hoped he would love. And he did now. He loved it.

He could do this.

And he had a family to do it with.

Tommy wasn’t just losing over and over anymore.

He wasn’t dreaming, he wasn’t wishing. He wasn’t even fighting or struggling. He was just living and thriving and it was so good.

“You look happy,” Techno said.

“I am so happy, Techno.”