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Naruto is well aware that he’s tossing and turning, but there’s not much he can do about it. He should stay still, let Sasuke get some sleep – he’s clearly awake, judging by the irritated silence and judgmental stares currently boring into Naruto’s neck and back.
He’s in bed with Sasuke, and his entire body seems to be having some kind of meltdown.
Why did he agree to this? It was a good idea in theory. Most ideas are, at least if Kiba is the one to suggest it. Let’s go on a vacation, he said. It’ll be fun, he said. As much as Naruto wants to share a bed with Sasuke, it’s incredibly difficult to do so when his feelings are all over the place, and Sasuke has no idea they exist in the first place.
His initial plan was to confess after graduation. Then, the vacation happened. Too many of them crammed into the Hyuuga summer home, a stone’s throw from the beach and causing Naruto indescribable amounts of pain.
Sasuke, shirtless in the waves.
Sasuke, lounging by the pool, sunglasses on the top of his head as he squints at the sun.
Sasuke, here, in the same room in the same bed and–
Naruto doesn’t know how to deal with it, that’s the problem. He’d thought it would be fine. He’s survived so many times before, but there’s something about this, the here and now, that has him jittery with nerves.
And so he tosses and turns and twists the bedsheets around him, unable to get a wink of sleep. It’s the third night. He should be okay with it by now. It shouldn’t be getting worse.
If only he could reach out, find Sasuke’s hand and grip it tight to ground himself. He’s not sure why Sasuke hasn’t complained yet. He’s not usually one to be quiet when it comes to Naruto and his annoying habits, but maybe it’s different in the dark. They haven’t had sleepovers in years, not like they used to as kids. Naruto would sleep in Itachi’s room if he stayed over, and Sasuke never did.
He wants to tell him so badly.
He imagines it, just blurting out the truth. The words rest on the tip of his tongue, burning him. He’d had the perfect opportunity on the night of graduation, everything exactly like he’d planned it in his head, if it weren’t for this trip. How awkward would it be to share a bed if Sasuke rejects me, he’d thought. And if he told him now? There’s still one more night to go, one long trip home to survive.
Turning over on his back, he glances at Sasuke from the corner of his eye. He can’t see much in the dark, but he can hear him breathe. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he considers his options. He’s definitely not getting any sleep like this, but there’s no way he’ll have the guts to confess in the middle of sharing a bed.
Releasing a heavy breath, he throws the covers off and gets up.
“Where are you going?” Sasuke asks, startling him.
“Just… out. For a bit. To get some air.”
If he sounds terribly stilted, Sasuke doesn’t comment on it. He just huffs and turns over, muttering something about turning on the lights. Naruto doesn’t, using the faint light from his phone screen to guide him towards the door.
There’s a warm breeze caressing his skin as he walks out the front door, and the sound of waves lapping at the shore seems loud in the quiet of the night. He doesn’t bother with shoes, quickly making his way down the short street leading to the beach. When he feels sand under his feet he pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath with his eyes closed. Releasing it, the tension he carried with him dissipates, leaving him with his heartbeat just a little too fast.
The water is pleasantly warm, though Sasuke tends to think anything shy of scalding is too cold. He lets the waves wash over his feet, streetlights lighting up the beach and the moon lighting up the water. Tilting his head up, he gazes at the stars and tries to empty his head of thoughts. Like this, his worries feel a little silly.
Sasuke is his best friend. He knows, rationally, that Sasuke would never make things weird between them. But it would still be different, wouldn’t it? If the gap between their feelings could never be bridged. If Sasuke never feels the same way. If Naruto has to live with the pain in his chest and the wishful thinking and the longing stares and know that it will never end.
What is he supposed to do? He can’t go on like this, suffering in silence. He can’t bear choking on his words. He can’t smile at Sasuke, can’t laugh and hug him close, and keep acting like it doesn’t mean anything romantic.
A few minutes pass as the stars refuse to guide him, cars passing by at a distance, a dog barking somewhere. And then, growing louder, the sound of footsteps.
Only when the footsteps stop just behind him, does he dare turn around.
It’s Sasuke, because of course it is, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth pinched in irritation. He’s wearing a too wide-shouldered t-shirt and illegally short shorts, flip-flops on his feet. In Naruto’s eyes he’s perfect.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sasuke asks, voice raspy with lack of sleep.
They haven’t slept much on this trip, and Naruto knows it’s wearing on him. Sasuke is the type to prioritize his beauty sleep, even went to bed before the rest of them tonight. Naruto knows he woke him up when he finally dragged himself to bed, and then kept him awake, and now he’s probably worried, too.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Obviously.”
Sasuke stares at him, and Naruto awkwardly clears his throat. His mind conjures up dangerous ideas, like closing the distance between them, pulling up the side of the shirt slipping off Sasuke’s shoulder. It’s not fair that he grew up so good-looking. It’s not fair that if Naruto doesn’t constantly check himself, he’ll end up watching Sasuke’s knees or ears or some stupid shit like that, sighing longingly.
He feels stupid, messing everything up with a crush he should have been over years ago.
“Sit,” Sasuke orders him, pointing at the sand next to himself.
Naruto does as he says on autopilot. He sinks down in the sand, burying his toes in it, and holds his breath as Sasuke does the same. Sasuke leans back on his hands, staring up at the sky, while Naruto stares at him.
“Whatever it is, just tell me,” Sasuke says. “You’ve been tense for weeks. I thought it was about your grades or something.”
His throat feels dry, all of a sudden. Licking his lips, Naruto tears his gaze away and focuses on the water instead. There’s a pale road of reflected moonlight leading out into the unknown, and Naruto imagines following it, taking the first step without fearing he’ll sink.
“It wasn’t about my grades,” he replies, burying his toes deeper, wishing he could hide his face in the sand, too.
“Then what is it?”
It’s as if the words have left him. He swallows, several times, feeling his cheeks heat up. Something burns inside his chest, fear and anticipation tangled up around his heart. If he doesn’t tell him now, he might never be able to.
“I don’t know how to tell you,” he forces out, picking harshly at his nails. He leans forwards, shoulders hunched and eyes averted. “I wanted to tell you earlier but I…”
The silence falls thick around them, drowning out the waves. Naruto’s heart pounds against his ribcage, his skin prickling with nerves. It’s now or never, he thinks, drawing in a deep breath in an attempt to find strength.
“It’s um, I mean I–”
He fumbles for words, lungs working against him. It’s as if they’re empty no matter how many breaths he takes, like wet plastic bags that just won’t open.
“Breathe,” Sasuke tells him, pushing his fingers through Naruto’s hair to ruffle it. “Since when do you panic like this?”
“I’m not panicking!” he lies, straightening up to scowl at Sasuke. His best friend looks tenser than he’d expected. “Stop interrupting me.”
Sasuke gives him an unreadable look, then turns his face up towards the stars again. In the faint light he looks ethereal, like something out of a dream. Naruto can feel his throat clog up, feels his fingers twitch with the urge to reach out and touch his cheek. He wants to be closer. He wants to show Sasuke without the need for words. He’s never been good at them, but this is the sort of thing that requires him to use them, isn’t it?
“I’m not stopping you,” Sasuke says when the silence has wrapped too tight around them again, the line of his mouth thin.
Saying I like you wouldn’t be so hard. It just wouldn’t be enough. It doesn’t explain everything that Naruto feels for him, how all the years they’ve shared has shaped him into the person he is today. How he wants to keep it like that, stay by Sasuke’s side and grow together.
He wants to take Sasuke’s hand and stare up at the stars together, feeling less small and insignificant in his presence. The universe is so vast, and he had the incredible luck to share his life until now with Sasuke. And even though they haven’t planned to separate, who knows what might happen now?
Sasuke sighs, and then he falls back, lying down in the sand. His shirt rides up at the waist, and Naruto can’t stop himself from glancing at the stretch of naked skin.
“You’re killing me here,” Sasuke groans, putting an arm over his eyes. “Clearly it involves me if it’s so hard to talk about it, and I have no idea what it is. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were in love with me or something.”
There’s half a laugh at the end, and Naruto can’t interpret it. He stares down at Sasuke, mouth agape, fighting the instinct to get up and run. Maybe run into the water, follow the path of the moonlight and simply never return.
If he couldn’t speak before, he certainly can’t now.
Why would Sasuke bring that up? Has he thought about it? Does he hate the idea of it? Has Naruto not been as obvious as he’d thought he was?
When Sasuke moves his arm to meet his stunned gaze, the tired look in his eyes soon turns into a confused frown.
“It was just a joke…” he starts, trailing off as Naruto twists his head away.
There’s a sour taste in his mouth now, something cold gripping at his heart. He feels faint, anxiety crawling over his skin. Sasuke sits up beside him, grabs Naruto’s arm almost painfully hard.
“Wait, you mean you’re–“
He cuts himself off, sounding out of breath. Naruto swallows the lump in his throat, bites the inside of his cheek. Sasuke’s hand on his arm feels like too much. Before he can say anything, Sasuke pushes him into the sand, climbing over him to kneel above him. Sasuke’s hair frames his face as he takes a hold of Naruto’s chin, forcing him to meet his dark eyes.
“Say it,” he demands, the look he gives Naruto intense, sending shivers down his spine. “Tell me the truth.”
Wide-eyed, Naruto plays the words over and over on repeat inside his cotton-filled brain. He still can’t shape the words.
Instead he reaches up, hands all but trembling as he touches Sasuke’s shoulders. He feels like he’s burning up, emotions exploding in his chest as hope flares through him.
“Naruto, I swear to–“
Reaching up, Naruto cuts him off with a kiss.
It’s quick, barely a brush of lips, and yet it feels as if the world has shifted. Sasuke closes his eyes, lips parting as Naruto lies back down. It’s an incredible sight. Naruto feels giddy with the sudden emotional high, his lips tingling. Who needs stars in the sky, when he can watch Sasuke instead?
“You still didn’t say it,” Sasuke mumbles, eyes fluttering open.
He looks calmer now, and much more awake. He searches Naruto’s eyes, the hand previously on his chin now reaching for Naruto’s hand, fingertips brushing his palm.
“I like you,” Naruto whispers, twining their fingers together, tightly. “I really, really like you.”
The stars above are silent, but he thinks they approve.