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Jaeyoung was being distracting.
Not unusual; Sangwoo had spent many weeks building up a tolerance to all of Jaeyoung’s most annoying habits, and now he couldn’t concentrate without the irritating senior sitting by him in the library, and texting him, and calling him. He had become accustomed to having Jaeyoung around him making that stupid kicked puppy expression, or that smirk, or that genuine bashful smile he always tried to hide from Sangwoo like he was afraid that if he actually showed how happy he was in his presence, Sangwoo would leave. He was used to all of that.
But for the first time in a very long time, he was genuinely and utterly distracted by Jaeyoung.
Mainly because Jaeyoung was kissing his neck.
He’d invited himself over “to study” which Sangwoo should have known was a bad idea, but he seemed to keep making those where Jaeyoung was concerned, and at this point he had thrown all caution to the wind. He knew how much of a mess this whole thing was and yet he couldn’t seem to stop. Jaeyoung kept telling him that it was fine if he didn’t want to date, that it could be purely physical just to release their “urges” but it had been weeks and Sangwoo could see that kicked puppy look appearing more and more often when he thought he wasn’t looking. It had taken him longer than he was proud of to realise what that look meant, but once he did, he couldn’t ignore it.
Jaeyoung liked him.
Sangwoo couldn’t fathom why. He’d run the numbers, played out scenarios, broken everything down logically, and yet he couldn’t find any answers. Jaeyoung was popular, handsome, funny, talented - why was he so interested in the emotionless over-achiever who stopped him from graduating?
He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Jaeyoung to get bored, but it only seemed to be getting worse as the weeks went on, and as their relationship became more and more physical, even as Sangwoo tried desperately to keep him at arm's length. Luckily, Jaeyoung knew better than to say anything, because he really wasn’t sure how he’d react if he did - he said it once, before they started this whole... arrangement, and Sangwoo hadn't exactly reacted well, so he'd never said it since. So it just went unspoken. Both of them knowing how he felt, neither of them willing to address it. Sangwoo couldn’t open that pandora’s box, because he wasn’t sure what he’d find. He couldn’t possibly like him back. Their relationship was purely physical, a means to an end, or so he kept telling himself.
But he kept slipping up. Catching himself looking at Jaeyoung for no reason other than he wanted to see his face, or texting him with absolutely nothing to say, and feeling butterflies take flight in his chest when Jaeyoung called him before bed “just to wish him sweet dreams.”
And once again, he’d made a mistake. Stupid error, he cursed his own brain. He knew that Jaeyoung wouldn’t want to just “study” and yet he still said yes. Still let him sit down on the floor next to him, leaning back against the couch as he paid less and less attention to his sketch and more and more attention to Sangwoo until he’d leaned in and pressed his lips against the crease of his shoulder.
That was three minutes ago.
Sangwoo hadn’t been able to think straight for three entire minutes.
He’d made the same spelling mistake four times, backspacing and rewriting and still not catching it in time, too focussed on the warm pressure against his side, the hand on his knee, the flick of a tongue making him see stars. Jaeyoung’s lips moved up to his ear and his breath caught, fingers hovering over the keys.
Jaeyoung paused. “Am I… distracting you?”
Sangwoo rolled his eyes, even though he knew he couldn’t see it from that angle. “Why are you asking a question you already know the answer to?”
Jaeyoung smiled and he felt it, and a flicker of pride and something else leapt up Sangwoo’s spine.
“If I’d have known it was this easy to distract you, I would have started with this,” he hummed, and the vibrations rippled through Sangwoo’s chest. He was going to kill him. “It would have saved me a lot of money on bad coffee and red clothes.”
“You’re so annoying,” he muttered, finding it difficult to swallow as Jaeyoung’s teeth grazed his earlobe. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to him; he was going to pieces and Jaeyoung had barely done anything. “I’m trying to study.”
A chuckle, right against the shell of his ear.
Sangwoo really was going to kill him.
“You used to be so good at ignoring me,” he said, mouthing a path back down towards the crook of his neck. “When did you let me become so distracting?”
Jaeyoung’s tongue darted out to touch his pulse and Sangwoo’s hand flexed over the keyboard, trying to keep himself under control.
“Hm?” Jaeyoung nudged at him with his nose. Apparently he actually wanted an answer to that question, the asshole. Like Sangwoo could come up with anything coherent when Jaeyoung was kissing him like that, talking like that, nosing at his skin in a way that made him misspell words he’d written a hundred times before. He could feel the smug triumph radiating from the man beside him. “You’re not even trying to focus anymore.”
A mistake, really, because Sangwoo was nothing if not stubborn.
He steeled himself, forcing his attention back to the sentence he was still only halfway through, and reread the beginning, trying to remember where he’d left off before he let Jang Jaeyoung burrow his way into his concentration. He fixed the spelling mistake - correctly, this time - and moved onto the next word, and then the next, until he’d finally finished the sentence. He exhaled with relief.
Which, of course, made Jaeyoung grin against his neck again.
Right before he pulled away.
Sangwoo didn’t even think about it, his right hand just reflexively came up around the back of Jaeyoung’s head, keeping him right where he was.
Jaeyoung’s smile seemed to have become a permanent thing, which was annoying only because it meant he wasn’t really kissing him anymore. And also because it was clearly at his expense. “I’m not going anywhere. I just wanted to see your face.”
“Why?” He asked, genuinely curious, but he didn’t move his hand.
“I like your face,” he said, like it was obvious. Every word he spoke was pressed into Sangwoo’s skin, which was almost as good as the kissing, and he wanted him to keep talking. He wanted Jang Jaeyoung to keep talking? He must truly have gone insane.
“You’re distracting enough right there,” he muttered.
“What does that mean?” Jaeyoung asked, nosing up towards his jaw.
Sangwoo huffed, irritated. “You know you’re handsome, you don’t need me to say it.”
“What, is my face distracting now?”
“Yes.” Sangwoo admitted, because he was in it now; he might as well just commit.
Jaeyoung made a noise in the back of his throat and pressed his entire face against the side of Sangwoo’s. “Fuck, you’re cute.”
He frowned. “What about that is cute?”
“Everything,” Jaeyoung’s hand had slid around his shoulder and up to the other side of his jaw, turning his face towards him, and Sangwoo was powerless to resist, even encouraging it with the way he still hadn’t let go of Jaeyoung’s neck.
When his eyes fell on Jaeyoung, he didn’t see the confident swagger he expected from the upper hand he’d clearly gained over the course of the evening - instead, there was a distressing earnestness in his eyes, even as they dropped to his lips.
He made a point of glaring at him even as he leaned in to kiss that earnest look off his face, telling himself that’s all it was. That it didn’t bother him.
He expected Jaeyoung to stick his tongue in his mouth or slide his hand further up his thigh, or something, but it seemed he still wasn’t done with the teasing, kissing him slowly, softly, like he was testing how wound up he could make him by building up to it.
Or maybe he wants to kiss me like this because he likes me.
Sangwoo tried and failed to dismiss the thought, irked at his own brain for supplying the idea, because once it was there, it was impossible to ignore.`
Jaeyoung shifted closer and for a moment he thought this would be it - they’d just hook up and he could stop letting his mind drift towards ridiculous ideas like romance - but instead, Jaeyoung only seemed to want to be physically closer to him while he kissed him and that made it all so much worse. Sangwoo pulled back, turning to face his computer once again. “You got what you wanted, now stop distracting me.”
He snorted, dropping his forehead against his cheek. “It’s so cute that you think that’s what I wanted.”
He frowned. Both out of confusion, and at a deep-seated sense of annoyance with himself that he was now somehow more turned on. Why the fuck did Jang Jaeyoung have such a ridiculous effect on him? He sighed his usual long-suffering sigh in a useless attempt to convince him he didn’t care, even as he asked the question. “Why? What do you want?”
“To be a distraction,” Jaeyoung murmured, starting a new barrage of kisses up his neck, and Sangwoo became acutely aware that his hand was still holding the back of his head, keeping him close. Even when his logical mind was trying to focus, his stupid body was betraying him. Distraction, indeed.
Jaeyoung mouthed along his jaw, getting ever closer to his lips, and the anticipation was driving him mad.
Sangwoo admitted defeat.
His other hand came up to join his first, tugging Jaeyoung the rest of the way until their mouths were fitted together, kissing him hard and wet and desperate the way he’d been wanting to since the moment Jaeyoung had started this. Jaeyoung’s arm pressed against the coffee table as he leaned closer, but the angle wasn’t perfect and there was a small noise of frustration right before Jaeyoung’s hand met his hip.
He wasn’t sure how exactly it happened, but there was a tug and then suddenly he was in Jaeyoung’s lap, straddling him, and there-
That was the angle they were looking for.
Sangwoo kissed him harder, sliding his hands into his hair and pulling, and Jaeyoung banded an arm across his hip, grinding him down against his lap in a way that made both of them gasp as his other hand made a fist in the back of his shirt.
“Bedroom?” Sangwoo asked, but even as he said it, it felt too far away.
“Don’t you move,” Jaeyoung mumbled into his mouth, hips bucking up and making Sangwoo see stars.
God, the things he made him feel were unfair.
“Are you happy now?” Sangwoo asked, making his own trail of kisses down Jaeyoung’s neck.
“Almost,” he sounded completely gone already, which Sangwoo tried very hard not to feel smug about.
“What the hell else do you want?” He pulled at his hair meanly.
“Fuck, aside from that?” Jaeyoung arched into it desperately and Sangwoo filed that away for very important later use. Hair-pulling - effective. Jaeyoung’s fingers danced up his spine playfully as he caught his gaze between kisses. “Admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“I’m a distraction,” he grinned.
Sangwoo wanted to kill him. They were grinding on the floor of his apartment, sharing messy kisses and breathing hotly into each other’s mouths. What kind of stupid idea-
Distraction?
That was the least of it.
“Sure, hyung, you’re distracting,” he admitted with a sharp glare that was somewhat tempered by the way he was speeding up the circle of his hips. Jaeyoung’s grip on him tightened and he was almost on the edge-
Then, the arm across his waist halted his movements.
He groaned, frustrated, and tried to roll his hips again, but Jaeyoung held him fast. His breathing was shallow and he was flushed and it only made him more handsome, which of course, Sangwoo was annoyed by. Jaeyoung leaned up to kiss him again, gentler this time but no less frantic. “I’m too close, you’ve got to give me a minute to catch my breath.”
Sangwoo raised an eyebrow. “Is that my responsibility?”
“It’s your fault,” Jaeyoung muttered, hiding his face under Sangwoo’s chin, kissing him between words. “Calling me that… fuck… that’s cheating…”
Sangwoo tilted his head, running through everything he’d just done, and arriving on the only logical conclusion.
“Seriously? That’s what did it? Pervert.” A laugh burst out of him, and Jaeyoung lifted his head in indignation.
“Do you have any idea how nice it is to hear you say that? After you made such a fucking fuss about not using that word?” His grip loosened enough that they could start moving again and Sangwoo ground his hips down and stopped Jaeyoung’s words in his throat. “In the alley- ah!”
“What? You got turned on hearing me say it?” Sangwoo asked, genuinely interested.
“Not exactly,” Jaeyoung seemed to be having trouble keeping his thoughts together. Serves him right, Sangwoo thought viciously. Now he knows how it feels. “I mean… yeah, of course, but… fuck, I just…”
“You just what?” Sangwoo’s hands released his hair, sliding onto the couch cushion behind his head, palms splayed as he draped himself more fully over him, noses bumping.
“Nothing,” Jaeyoung stared back at him defiantly.
Liar.
He could feel himself getting close, but Jaeyoung was closer, he could tell.
“Nothing?” He kissed him, waiting just long enough for him to start kissing back before he changed tack, mouthing over his cheek to reach his ear. He made sure his lips were against it before he spoke again. “Is it really nothing, hyung?”
Jaeyoung surged up to kiss him, whole body shuddering through it as he came, hands gripping almost tight enough to bruise, and Sangwoo wondered if he would do that if he asked. Maybe if he used the right word.
“Cheater,” Jaeyoung complained, breathless and still kissing him. “Exploiting my weakness.”
He didn’t look that disappointed.
If anything, it seemed to have renewed his desire to make Sangwoo fall apart, and he rocked against him, urging him on.
Sangwoo was so, so close, and Jaeyoung’s tongue was sending him into fucking orbit but his brain wouldn’t let him get past what he’d said. He knew the answer, but for some reason, he needed to hear Jaeyoung say it. He couldn’t get anywhere until his brain dealt with the bothersome detail, so despite everything, he found himself gasping out, “You just what?”
Jaeyoung pulled back, looking up at him almost nervously. “You won’t like it.”
“I don’t like anything about you,” Sangwoo lied. “What is it? Ah- why, - fuck - why do you like it so much when I call you hyung?”
Jaeyoung’s hand, previously balled into a fist around his shirt, flattened against his waist, joining his other arm in adding much needed pressure to Sangwoo’s hips. It was clearly a tactic - designed to distract him from the question - and it almost worked. It flickered at the edges of his vision but it still wasn’t quite enough, not when his brain was busy chasing a loose thread. Sometimes his own single-minded efficiency was a real pain in the ass.
“Fuck, hyung, please-” He moaned, desperate. “Tell me.”
A single, eternal second passed between them, Jaeyoung’s eyes boring a hole in his head like he was trying to memorize this moment, like he’d never get to experience it again.
“Because I like you, okay?” Jaeyoung blurted out.
White rocketed through his vision, pleasure crashing down on him like a tidal wave. He threw his head back, gasping for air as he rode through it mindlessly, Jaeyoung doing most of the work for him, murmuring words of encouragement that shouldn’t have made his heart skip as many beats as it did.
When he came back to himself, his hands were gripping the couch cushion on either side of Jaeyoung’s head, tips of his fingers going red with the force of it. He made a conscious effort to let go, rolling his shoulders back and letting his hands slide down against Jaeyoung’s chest, propping himself up so he could collect himself.
What the hell was that? He tried to refocus.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Jaeyoung breathed, eyes half-shut as he lolled his head back against the couch, looking up at him with lust and satisfaction and so much affection it made Sangwoo’s chest tighten. He wasn’t used to being seen like that.
His brow furrowed as reality set in. “You like me?”
Jaeyoung swallowed, looking away. “I know, it’s a stupid delusion or whatever; I know you don’t feel the same. I just… can’t help it.”
“Why?”
“Biologically-”
Sangwoo cut off Jaeyoung’s joking deflection with a hand on his chin, forcing him to look back at him. “Why?”
Jaeyoung sighed heavily. “I don’t know. I just do. You’re cute, and smart, and I like bothering you. I can’t stop thinking about you, all the time - I keep spacing out and realising I’ve been drawing you instead of whatever else I was supposed to be doing.”
“Huh.” Sangwoo sat back a little. He wasn’t drawing, but everything else Jaeyoung said sounded eerily familiar. He had to acknowledge, the way he couldn’t focus unless Jaeyoung was there was definitely starting to become a problem.
He was still pondering the issue when Jaeyoung’s hands fell off him, dropping to the floor. He glanced down at them, confused. When he looked back up, Jaeyoung’s expression was almost… sad.
He frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Jaeyoung laughed, but it wasn’t his usual teasing chuckle or his bashful giggle, it was meaner, bitter. “Seriously? You have to ask me that?”
“Yes, I really don’t get it.” Sangwoo blinked. He felt like he’d missed something important. “Are you okay?”
He hesitated for a moment before he shook his head. “I’m fine, forget it. We need to go wash up-”
“Hyung,” Sangwoo scuppered his efforts to get them to their feet, palms pressing against his chest, keeping him still. “Tell me.”
Jaeyoung squeezed his eyes shut. “That’s really fucking unfair.”
“Look at me.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because it hurts.”
Sangwoo’s chest panged. “What?”
Jaeyoung growled, annoyed, and his eyes flashed open, genuine anger in them in a way he hadn’t seen since that day in the alley. “I like you, but you don’t like me back. Don’t you think that I don’t want to talk about it? Don’t you think that maybe it hurts to see you look at me like none of this matters? I know you’re a computer, but some of us have feelings!” He snapped. His anger faded quickly and guilt flashed across his features. He clearly regretted it as soon as he said it, biting his lip. “Sorry.”
Sangwoo wasn’t even insulted at the jab; what had really hurt him, for some reason, was the insinuation that Jaeyoung liked him more than he liked Jaeyoung. He didn’t know why, but that hurt more than anything else.
“It matters,” he said quietly.
Jaeyoung froze.
Sangwoo lifted a hand slowly, the same way he had the first time he’d ever patted his head, and cupped his face, thumb brushing over his perfect cheekbone. He looked down at the man who did nothing but annoy him and distract him and drive him crazy, and he never wanted to stop.
“I… hyung-”
“You don’t have to say it,” he interrupted, “just because you feel bad.”
“Why would I feel bad?” Sangwoo asked, deadpan.
“You’re a dick.”
And the look of hurt on Jaeyoung’s face was mostly a joke, but he couldn’t bear it, couldn’t handle one more second with him thinking he was the only person stuck on this, whatever it was-
“I like you,” he breathed, and he realised he’d been holding that in for longer than even he knew; flashing back to moments spent thinking about Jaeyoung even when he was still trying to be a nuisance. He’d been screwed from the start. “I really- fuck, I really like you, hyung.”
“Are you sure-”
“I’m certain.” Sangwoo had never said anything with such conviction before.
Jaeyoung looked like he was trying to remain skeptical, but there was joy creeping into the corners of his eyes. “I thought you didn’t like anything about me?”
“I don’t,” Sangwoo lied again. He sighed, leaning down. “But I like you anyway.”
“Lucky me,” Jaeyoung hummed, tilting his head up, and then they were kissing. Not like before, but softer, calmer, and Jaeyoung’s hands curled around him, holding him close as they sat on the floor of his apartment bathed in the dim red glow from the lights outside.
Red.
He really didn’t hate that colour as much as he thought he did.
To his disappointment, Jaeyoung pulled away first. He smiled up at him, stroking his hair from his forehead reverently, and Sangwoo’s disappointment faded under that gaze. He really was a complete mess wherever Jaeyoung was involved. “C’mon, let’s go shower.”
Sangwoo blinked. “What?”
Jaeyoung nudged him to his feet and then sprung to his own, bundling Sangwoo towards the bathroom from behind. “You’ve already struck my name from a group project for not participating, I don’t want to think about what you’ll do to me if I actually make you fail an assignment.”
“You seriously want me to study?” He asked, surprised.
“No, but you want to study, and I like you,” Jaeyoung shrugged.
Sangwoo sighed his long-suffering sigh and turned in his arms, pressing up on his toes to kiss him again.
“What was that for?”
“You like me,” Sangwoo said.
Jaeyoung tilted his head, smirk forming. “Ah. I see.”
“See what?”
“You found my weakness, I found yours,” he deadpanned.
Sangwoo bristled. “I’m not like you - just because you say you like me doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly turn into a-”
“I like you,” Jaeyoung pressed him up against the bathroom wall.
Sangwoo swallowed the rest of the lie. “Don’t open a door you can’t close, hyung.”
He grinned, and it lit up the world. “We’re not studying tonight, are we?”
“Absolutely not.” Sangwoo dragged Jaeyoung’s shirt over his head and tossed it aside. “You’re too goddamn distracting, Jang Jaeyoung.”