Chapter Text
BABY DON'T CRY
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It was a picture-perfect scene, the delicious food set upon an expansive wooden table that tasted like literal heaven. The glowing light that illuminated the humongous room was decorated with such class that it was something only a small percentage of people could ever experience. Most of all these wonderful and equally gorgeous men were right here eating with little old him.
But that was the thing, wasn't it?
It was him, he ruined such a perfect scene with his mere presence. While they talked eloquently he talked in stutters. While they ate with grace he ate messily. While they were calm he was having an internalized fight with himself. He was everything he wasn't. They were the answer to his insecurities that bubbled in him.
Did he really deserve this?
During the duration they were having dinner he learnt so much about them. How amazing each of them is, the shone so brightly in a black canvas which was the night sky. Truly he believed they were the brightest and outshone people like him, they were the centrepiece and he could only look from afar in amazement. They excelled at whatever they did and it made his achievement dull in comparison. Yes, it was wrong to compare him, yes him to such people but his mind couldn't help it.
Jin, he was an amazing chef, obviously with all the food he made which could make a man die happy. He was very close to graduating with many famous restaurants offering him a spot to work for them, everyone was vying for him. If they weren't enough then this man volunteered at an animal shelter. How could one human have so much kindness in their heart, Jungkook didn't know.
There was the second oldest, Yoongi, the genius rapper and lyricist. But he denied the title because he was just that humble. Jungkook hadn't even realised he had listened to one of his favourite rappers until he heard one of the others mention it to only be brushed off by the said person. That was saying a lot coming from such a reclusive person as himself, he basically lived under a rock. The man created so many deep meaningful songs he couldn't help but wish to share the same skills.
Namjoon as he already had known was very much admirable with all the courses he did. Jungkook found out how articulate and sophisticated as demonstrated in his pieces of writing he had the honour to hear as Jimin had recited some lines from some past award-winning piece he had made. Also, he forgot to mention this man was riding on an honour scholarship he didn't even need but deserve.
Don't get him started on Jimin and Hoseok who were dancers, both doing the same course as his minor one. Taehyung had shoved a video recording of one of their performances and he was simply mind blowing. The breath had been knocked from his lungs at how mesmerising Jimin and Hoseok's powerful yet concise moves were. They balanced each other so perfectly and created a beautiful harmony. Jungkook swore he would die then and there when he watched it in admiration, one day he hoped he could be so skilled.
Last but not least was Taehyung, an extremely skilled painter as seen in his exquisite painting that he made. This man was able to convey so much through an image, evoking all types of emotions from each of the pieces he made. To add a cherry on top he modelled on the side with his Adonis-like looks that could rival-well he didn't know.
Then there was him. A country bumpkin compared to them, he was like a lost puppy trailing on their tails. Paling in comparison to them, he would never compare to them, no amount of mountain climb could reach their peak. It brought an ugly feeling to emerge from him, one he hated with all his being. He tried and willed it down to the back of his mind. This was good. It was okay - well until it wasn't.
Jungkook couldn't help but feel more nervous as dinner went on. You would think he would become more open but he wasn't and it was eating at his insides. He mindlessly began poking his third serving of food, the others still on his first. He winced at the thought he was over welcoming his stay here and stuffing his face like some starved pig.
"Jungkook what's wrong?"
His head shot up, realising everyone was looking at him concern and worry written all over their face that it made his gut wrench. A forced chuckle bubbled from his throat.
"Oh, I'm fine Jin-Hyung I was just uh thinking is all."
Even to his own ears that sounded pitiful, especially with how his voice wavered with his emotions. Jungkook always was told he wore his heart on his sleeve which at this moment he disliked that he did that very much. As to avoid more awkwardness he stuffed the food that was on his plate into his mouth and looked downwards. He was never one who could hold eye contact for too long, it was as if it made him bare for others to inspect him, pick and prod at. He felt like some science experiment was being assessed at times. After all, they say the soul is the window to your soul. Not that he felt like that with them, not at all.
Absentmindedly he noted how sets of cutlery were placed on ceramic plates with their somewhat loud clutters that were quiet amongst the chaotic thoughts that swirled in his mind.
A hand placed itself gently onto his full cheeks and rubbed the supple skin there, the hand was so smooth and soft that Jungkook couldn't help but melt into its warmth. The touch was so pleasant and affectionate that it made his heart palpitate in his chest, but it was probably just his wishful thinking. It made him want to have it all the time, if this continued why he reluctantly pulled away from it? Once he had a taste he would surely continuously crave it afterwards. But he already missed the affectionate touches that he wanted to lean back into in this instance. But Jungkook instead opted to fiddle with the hem of the silky shirt he wore, it was the only nice shirt he really owned if he was being honest. If that didn't highlight their contrasting lives, he didn't know what did. It was such a meagre thing but even that felt like a flaw.
As he began becoming lost in thought he was yanked out of the rabbit hole which was his mind.
"What's wrong baby?"
Eyes squeezed shut so as to not look at the pained expression that would sure be painting the older's face with how simple their voice sounded. When they talked to him like that it made it so much harder to deny them anything.
"Do you not like me touching you like that? I'm sorry bun."
As much as he wanted the other to refrain from doing it for both their sakes he didn't want to outright lie to their face, he was a terrible liar. So he shook his head fiercely to disagree with the statement that was very much not true.
"No Hyung I don't it's quite the opposite."
Cracking an eye open he watch the worry melt from the other's face to be replaced with- was that love? No stop it, don't think like that only for it not to be true. But-
"Then what's the problem baby?"
His heart cracked under the pressure and he knew he was going to spill like an overflowing cup. A watery laugh couldn't help but come out from his trembling lips that he had bitten to try and conceal the noise. But his cries resounded through the quiet room where even the sound of a pin dropping could be heard.
"The thing is Hyung I like it much too much. More than I should, I know I shouldn't since I don't stand a chance, especially since we just met. Plus c'mon look at you. If you continue I'll have my hopes up and want and want until you have nothing to give! I'm so greedy Hyung! I'm so sorry!"
He sniffled between the words as his tear fell down freely, trying to vigorously wipe them away roughly with the back of his palm. This was just pitiful now, here he was acting like a baby when he was already an adult. Hands gently guided his own ones away and rubbed the redden knuckles, soon encasing his smaller hands in large veiny ones. As much as he was riddled with anxiety he couldn't help but look up at a pair of beautiful soul-sucking dark brown ones.
The moment felts so precious and fragile that he was afraid he would break it by a small mistake.
As if it was his last life thread he clutched the material of Namjoon's shirt tightly with his one free hand only to be interlaced with long nimble fingers as his chin was lifted to stare dead into the other's eyes.
"Who spouted such nonsense? I'm looking at you right now honey, I see someone so very precious and loving. It would be our honour to take care of and love you just like you deserve. We may not know each other much yet but let's get to know each other from now on. You just need to let us in alright? My sweet bunny."
He wanted to supply that it was himself who told Jungkook this. His mind was filled with insecurities and so much more that he definitely didn't want to place his burden on them.
However, was no room for objections when he said that with such authority it made his knees nearly give in. All he could do was lower his head as if he was submitting to his loss.
Jungkook had been hugged before, but never like this. There was something so warm, something that felt right at that moment. It was as if he was offering himself to them. Jungkook let his unknowingly tense body sag, his muscles become loose. Namjoon made sure not to overstep but cradled him closely to his chest. Listening to the gentle drums of the chest was nice, very nice. In that embrace, he felt her worries loosen the tight hold it had on his heart and unravel right before his eyes. He could only watch helplessly as he was being stripped of the protection which covered his heart. Hope and optimism began to raise its head from the dirt all the way to the surface.
No matter how much he tried to crush it, it kept reappearing in random sparks. Perhaps the hope had been there all along, but it needed love to nurture it to life so it could blossom in a garden of other ones, so it could really flourish in its beauty. Jungkook felt him brush his loose strands back behind his flushed ears so he got a clear view of their lovely smiles all directed at him, they weren't looking at one another but at him.
This moment made him feel so content, this was all he could ever want. They were offering him a place to join them and get to know them. Everything was right there, the loving caresses, the fond look in their eyes and the soft smiles that melted his heart right then and there into a puddle of goop.
So why did he feel like this? Why was no word coming out? But instead, tears were flowing freely from his eyes like a raging river. A napkin was softly pressed to his eyes, dabbing the tears that would gather there continuously and soak the white material. Silence took over them, the only sound was his sniffling and stuttered breaths.
Emotions were raging through him. It was weird though, he didn't feel alone. It’s dumb. He’s dumb. But he can’t stop. He looks at the ground and bites his lip to try and distract himself but it's too much. There are too many things going on around him. He feels scared, but he wants what they have. He wants it so bad and he didn't even know why. Was it the way they looked at one another with shared intimacy? Was it okay to give in so easily even if they were playing like a fool into maybe a game they were making?
The rational side of his mind was blaring at him how idiotic it was to do this for men who he had just met but his heart and desires said otherwise. At any moment's notice, he was expecting them to laugh in his face and say it was all a joke. Maybe their love was simply pretence and watching him act like a crybaby was hilarious. If so they were doing an extremely good job disguising it behind those looks.
"C'mon darling just talk to us. Baby don't cry."
But the thing was he was crying and so was his heart. Jungkook’s heart was beating so rapidly that he might actually faint from it. He wrenched himself from Namjoon's clutches on him and felt guilt wash over him at the hurt evident in their tight facial features.
They hadn't even asked that much of him. Just to talk, that was it. It just seemed so hard to do though. It wasn't fair to them, people who had only shown him kindness. Here he was being rude to their hospitality. Despite the guilt that sat on the pits of his stomach the anxiousness overridden it.
"I'm so sorry. I really am, don't blame yourself for this it's me. I'm the problem and I should really go before I make this situation even more of a mess."
With teary eyes, he sprang to the door not daring to look at the other's expression or else he would lose all will to leave.
Why was he always running away from everything? Running away from them. Running away from his problems every single time when it became all too much. Why was he such a coward and couldn't just tell them how he felt? Feeling insignificant in their eyes or just asking them if his feelings were a game.
He knew from having dinner with them just once how they weren't like that at all. Their heart and souls were so kind to him. It was as if he was drowning in warmth and love, on cloud nine.
So he couldn't handle any kind of rejection. This was pathetic. Was it okay to let the barriers fall? Is it okay to be vulnerable?
Little did Jungkook know how wrong he was. All they wanted to do was love him to bits and pieces. Once their eyes had laid on his form they knew he was the one and they were going to show him it.