Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

From their very first date, it had been blatantly obvious that Erwin wanted to be a father.

And when he’d started wanting it bad, it had been blatantly obvious, too. 

“Erwin Ackerman-Smith, what in the ever-loving fuck are those?”

Levi stands frozen in the classroom doorway, mortified at the multi-strapped monstrosities secured around each of his husbands feet. 

"What?" 

Confused, Erwin halts his wiping of the blackboard, centuries’ worth of wars and kings and great tragedies merging with the dusty waters of the sponge in his hand. Levi, obviously, makes no effort not to stare, and so it only takes the blonde a few short seconds to trace his other half’s gaze. “Ah!” he smiles. “I knew you’d hate them, darling. They’re my new sandals!”

“Your new-” Levi furrows his brows, clearing his throat as he takes in the sight of his husband. God, fucking nerd. Erwin’s square glasses are riding high on his nose, shirt buttoned up to the collar, tucked neatly into his chequered gingham shirt. Trousers… sandals. It’s just like seeing that big, chubby geek from their high school film club, the one Levi had fallen in love with so many years ago. He’d been a transfer student back then. Him and Kenny had skipped towns a lot in those days, and Levi could only be fucking grateful Eldrich happened to be the place his uncle had stumbled upon Uri Reiss, his current partner. Kenny didn’t admit it, but it was obvious Uri had been the cherry on top of the tiny, seaside town they resided in, the determining factor convincing him Eldrich was worth settling for.

Levi had only needed to take one look at Erwin before deciding to join the film club. He knew dick about film, mind you, and had no intention to ever do so - just nodded and tried to look handsome while President Erwin had ranted on about Tarantino and Bergman and Kurosawa and the underlying themes of their masterpieces. 12 years had passed since then, and what had started as an innocent crush had turned into a five-year-long marriage.

The memory fades some of Levi’s initial shock about the damn sandals, and he snorts as he turns to lean the mop against the classroom wall. He makes his way over then, and Erwin needs no time to understand what’s about to happen, settling his sponge down to pull Levi in for a small, tender kiss.

"… Were the socks in the sandals really necessary?" Levi asks softly. He lets one hand drop from where they’ve been hugging Erwin’s neck, sliding it down to his chest to rub over the fabric of his shirt. 

"Hey now, fashionista," the blonde chuckles. "Mike has these. They’re great for  your back, apparently."

Levi hums, stopping his caress of Erwin’s chest to cup the man’s cheek instead. "You know what else is great for your back, babe? Going to bed when your husband tells you to, ‘stead of staying slumped over all your brats’ shitty essays.” 

“They’re not shitty,” Erwin frowned. “The kids are very talented.”

Levi chuckles. What a nerd. His nerd. He kisses him once more. “Finish up. Get your ass in gear, I’ll wait in the car.”

“Alright, dearest.”

The sandals had been the first warning sign. The second comes a month later, when they go grocery shopping.

Levi finds himself standing by the wine aisle, trying to decide between his usual Sauvignon Blanc and a slightly pricier Chardonnay when a series of loud, repetitive thuds tear him  from his pondering. Turning around, he sees none other than Erwin in his sandals, socks and cargo shorts, looking overly focused whilst slapping his palm flat against the surface of a watermelon.  Obviously perplexed, Levi cocks a brow, letting his subconscious settle for the Chardonnay before he makes his way over, confused.

"Erwin."

"Mm?"

Erwin’s eyebrows are furrowed, mind apparently too preoccupied with his watermelons to pay Levi any attention.

"What the fuck are you doing?" 

"Hm? I was thinking we could have some watermelon with our breakfast tomorrow."

"And… what does that have to do with you beating the shit outta them?"

Giving one of the melons a final, decisive slap, Erwin picks it up with a pleaded smile. "That’s how you check whether they’re good, sweetheart. Did you get your wine?"

Confused, Levi simply stares at him for a few, long moments. "… Uh-huh," he hums, an affirmative.

"Great. C’mon then."

Levi watches as the blonde places the watermelon in their cart, as he turns to  grab his hand so they can continue their shopping.

"You’re such an old man," he mumbles, ignoring the fact that what his husband had been doing is, in fact, not related to being very old at all, but rather relating to an entirely different category of people - one of which Erwin does not belong to. Still, he shakes the thought, returning his focus to their shopping list instead. Half an hour later, every item on the list in question has been added to their cart. And Levi’s fucking exhausted, excited for them to make their way toward the tills. There’s  only one remaining item they’re yet to get - some new socks for Erwin.

They make their way over to the small clothes-section of the shop, the shorter of the two absentmindedly leaning over their cart while his husband grabs his socks.

Or, that was what Levi thinks Erwin is doing anyway.

"Babe! Lee, look!"

In fairness, Erwin has found a pair of socks. But they’d only be big enough to hold the man’s big toe, if he’s lucky, because his husband’s found a pair of light blue baby socks. 

"Look how tiny," he smiles, making his way over with great enthusiasm. "Aren’t they adorable? They’ve got a whole section over there, hats and shoes and onesies and all that."

He chuckles, and Levi watches him, slightly discomforted. Because the way Erwin’s looking at these fucking… socks is so… soft, so warm, so incredibly /fond,/ as if he’s actually considering buying them, or… or even anticipating someone he could give them to. Nanaba’s pregnant, that was… maybe that’s it. Yeah, that has to be it - they’ve just received an invitation to her and Miche’s baby shower, surely that’s why Erwin’s picked these up, not because-

"Mr. Smith! Hi! Oh, Mr. Ackerman too!"

Levi’s spiralling is interrupted, and he looks up to see none other than fucking Kirschtein and Bodt. In their small town, it’s not rare to run into students outside school hours, but still, Levi never gets used to it. These two clowns-

No. That’s unfair, actually. Bodt’s a sweet kid, really – tells Levi ‘good morning’ and ‘goodbye’ each time he sees him. Keeps his grades up and pays attention in class, as far as he’s heard from Erwin. The other one, however? 

Jean Kirschtein is pathetic. Bad manners, arrogance, everything Levi detests in a student. Most of it’s clearly an act, too, which only makes it worse. He caught the kid smoking behind school once, but he’d been coughing badly and nearly cried the second he’d spotted Levi back – pathetic enough that he’d let him off the hook, just this once. 

"Why, hello! Jean, Marco, how is it going?" Erwin smiles, the random run-in a seemingly pleasant surprise. Bodt smiles brightly, dimples running deep at either side of his mouth. “Good!” he says.

“‘Sup,” Kirschtein says, and fuck, you can’t blame a kid for trying, really. Still, it’s difficult to hold back an eye-roll.

“Levi and I are doing some shopping for the weekend. Stopped by here for some extra socks, as he says my other ones smell.”

“They do,” Levi adds flatly, still leaned over the cart. That makes Bodt laugh a little, Kirschtein cracks a smile. “Sir, I don’t mean to like… burst your bubble, but like… your feet aren’t that small,” the taller kid snorts, pointing to the baby socks in Erwin’s hand. Erwin lets out a hearty laugh.

“Thank you, Jean. I am aware.” 

"Wh-" Bodt begins. "I didn’t know you two had children, Sir."

Levi freezes where he stands, staring at the jar of pickles in his cart as he waits for Erwin’s response. 

"We don’t," his husband chuckles. "Not yet."

And there it is. The answer Levi’s been waiting for. Not yet. They don’t have children… yet. Meaning Erwin’s clearly hoping, or expecting, that there will be children, that they’ll have them some day. 

They’ve never talked about it. Levi has always been too uncomfortable to bring it up himself, and Erwin seems too… assuming, perhaps, to do so.

But the honest truth of the matter is that Levi doesn't want children. He just doesn’t .

Kids are loud and dirty and really fucking costly, not to mention the fact that Erwin and him don’t exactly have the facilities necessary to make any.

And fuck, even if none of that were true, a good kid requires good parents, and although their hypothetical, scientifically miraculous baby would have one good father, the other would be… well. Far from perfect, let's just say. Levi hasn’t exactly had the most conventional of childhoods, a fact which seems blatantly obvious to most.

He’s crude, blunt, rough around the edges. The constant moves and his uncle’s less than honourable way to make a living has turned him sour, it feels like, and with very few  exceptions, Levi had gone through life being avoided by most.

As a child, other kids’ parents wouldn’t let them play with him, as a teenager he was labelled a troublemaker before they’d even met him. He’d desperately tried to mould himself to be more desirable as a friend back then, but now, Levi won’t bend for anyone.

And with a child, that simply isn’t an option.

And if Erwin realises that, if Erwin found out he can’t , what will come of their relationship? Kids are an important fucking step in life to those who want them, so will Levi’s refusal to take that leap be a dealbreaker in their marriage? Would Erwin leave him, find someone else to have children with? It’s not like he doesn’t have options. He has an ex who even now won’t stop eyeing him at every damn gathering they happen to meet at, and there isn’t a fucking doubt in Levi’s mind she’d pop a few kids out to have Erwin back.

And just like that, as Levi’s thoughts spiral, he begins to feel… off. A discomfort settles in his stomach that day, strange and heavy, and no matter what, it will. Not. Leave. 

"It’s a girl!"

The room booms with laughter and cheers, and Levi watches absentmindedly as Miche leans down to kiss a teary-eyed Nanaba, pink petals of confetti raining down on them. It’s a good day for a good celebration, and despite the lingering heaviness from before, Levi still can’t help but be happy. 

Once the happy couple’s parents have snapped their pictures, Miche pulls Levi and Erwin in for a one, too. It doesn’t strike Levi as strange, not yet – Erwin and Miche have been best friends since they were kids, Nanaba and Levi joining their little gang in high school. But when people calm back down, resuming their mingling and pouring of wine, Nanaba pulls the three of them off for a private conversation. At first, Levi thinks it for old times sake – a group cheers, perhaps, or a need for a break from the crowd. But it soon becomes evident that Miche is in on this, too.

"’Win, Levi, I uhm… you know me and Nan love you," he starts off, hand firm in Nanaba’s own. "We all go way back, and… hah, hell, I don’t even think Nan and I would be together had it not been for Levi pushing us out of the film club office to flirt with Erwin."

Erwin chuckles at the memory, squeezing Levi’s hand a little tighter before Miche continues.

"So, uhm… well, we’ve been thinking- oh, Nan."

"Sorry," Nanaba sniffles, wiping her eye with the ends of her sleeve.

"Aw, Nan…"

"Sorry. It’s a big day for me, s’all," she trembles, smiling softly when her partner leans in to kiss her cheek. 

"It is," Levi agrees, offering her a small smile. "No one’s fuckin’ blaming you. Big guy here was crying like a fuckin’ baby when you popped the confetti."

Erwin nods in agreement, and Nanaba lets out a small scoff. "What we’re trying to say is… You guys are our best friends. We’d be honoured if you would be the baby’s god-parents.” 

They accept, of course. Erwin is teary eyed and sniffling, and Levi hugs Nanaba close as he squeezes his eyes shut in an attempt to not cry, himself. A short while later they rejoin the party, and while Levi keeps a far-too sober Nanaba company, Erwin indulges in what would turn out to be a bit /too/ much wine.

"We- we’re dads."

"God-parents," Levi corrects, groaning as he helps his stumbling husband up the stairs of their home.

"Still par-" A hiccup. "St- still parents."

Levi snorts as they make their way up the final few steps, pushing Erwin in the direction of the bathroom so he’ll brush his teeth, clean his face. Once that’s all done (violent hiccups throughout), they head for the bedroom, and Erwin stumbles clumsily as he tears his (new) socks off, tossing them in the general direction of their laundry basket. Levi rolls his eyes and picks them up, of course, an eye kept on his stumbling husband as the blonde shimmies out of his remaining clothes. Thankfully, he collapses on the bed like a pile of bricks the next second.

"L-Lehv- mm…"

"C’mon, big guy. Feet up, I gotta put the comforter over you."

"Mmh… baby. Baby, kiss me."

At the request, Levi rolls his eyes. But he’s pleased to see Erwin do as he’s told despite his pleading, his rosy lips puckered up into a longing (and pathetic) kissy mouth. He looks like an idiot. A stupid, cute idiot. How could Levi not oblige when he’s sat there, looking all fucking fucking moronic like that? Besides – his husband’s just brushed his teeth, after all, and Levi plants a small peck on Erwin’s lips as he sits back at his bedside. "Hm?" he smiles. "I’ll get you some water." 

"N-no, no don’t… don’t want- wah-ter," his husband slurs.

Levi snorts. "You’ll feel like shit in the morning, babe."

"Dohn… dohn…t want water. Want… mh. I wanna- I want a baby."

At that, Levi freezes. Perhaps he’d known it was coming, just hoped he wouldn’t, but now it /is,/ this dreaded fucking talk, and though Levi has no intention of having it /now,/ when his husband is /this/ fucked, the discomfort in his stomach feels heavier than ever.  “With y-you, I wanna-mm. Wanna baby with you. S’bad.”

“... You’re drunk," Levi mumbles. He tucks the comforter back around Erwin’s chest.

“Only wh- drunk and… th’means it’s the truth!” the blonde exclaims eloquently. Wise words. It makes Levi roll his eyes.

“Lay down,” he says. “I’ll come up with some water."

Erwin lets out a series of unintelligible, drunken slurs in response, and Levi can’t be asked to decipher them. He gets up. Tries to think as little as possible as he fills a tall glass with water, tries to avoid conversation as he goes back up to their bedroom. “There,” is all he mumbles, voice gentle as he lays his hand over his husband’s back, makes sure he drinks some. Erwin does. And as he sinks back against the pillows, he mumbles one more, almost unintelligible mutter: "I lovh y…ou.” 

Levi says nothing. Gets up, walks out to lay on the sofa instead.

He doesn’t sleep that night. 

“You didn’t say it back."

The beginnings of what’s sure to become a great summer's day has begun to sneak its sunshine through the blinds of their living room, and when Levi turns, Erwin is standing sheepishly in the doorway.  He’s careful as he makes his way towards him, timid almost. Levi almost feels bad – Erwin’s learned he has to be this way when he’s in an unpredictable mood. "… Did I upset you?" 

Erwin sits down next to him, mindful to keep his hands to himself. Levi isn’t sure what to say. The answer is yes, but also no – because this isn’t Erwin’s fault, not really, but it isn’t quite Levi’s either and… and all he does is shrug. He’s not sure how much Erwin does remember. But this seems like it’s it, that today is the day is has to happen – a long awaited talk about their future and their aspirations and all the other shit Levi’s laid dreading for the majority of the night. "… Hm?” Erwin hums, quietly. The silence between it and his next words feels deafening in volume. "If I said something to make you feel… uncomfortable, or anything like that, darling, I-"

"I can’t have kids with you." 

The beginnings of what surely would have been a gentle and sweet reassurance is promptly stopped when Levi speaks. He doesn’t want to look at his husband where he’s sat, and so Levi’s eyes are fixated on his hands instead, thumb scratching nervously at his other’s fingernail. Silence, unbearable silence, fills the room once more.
Erwin’s always been an outspoken man. Loud, even, but fuck, his silence is even louder, and it makes Levi tense and scared as he waits for a response. It’s an eternity and a half, and… and fuck, it’s been too long for a response to feel natural now, and… and what the fuck is he meant to say? Is he… is Erwin not gonna say anything? Is… 

"… I’m… I’m not cut out for that shit. I… I ain’t patient enough, and… kids are fuckin’…"

Levi pauses. He takes a deep breath as he shuts his eyes. Wants to plan his words, to sound coherent enough to sound reasonable, understanding, but fear is taking over, and Erwin isn’t saying anything, and… "Fuck, Erwin, I… it was scary enough saying yes to be a god-parent, I… how could I ever fuckin’…

Erwin isn’t saying anything. Why isn’t he saying anything? 

Shouldn’t he be trying to convince him, tell Levi it's okay, that they’ll work it out? Shouldn’t this be a conversation not easily had? Fuck, Levi has made his point already - it’s out there - all that’s left is to argue about it, which was the part he’s been dreading. What the fuck is taking so long?

"Kids… kids are fuckin… they’re expensive and… and they’re loud and I know I should have told you I didn’t want them before, Erwin, I just-"

In the corner of his eye, Erwin shifts ever slightly, and without even thinking of it Levi looks up. To his surprise, though, it isn’t to shift closer. No, Erwin’s getting up. And wordlessly, without so much as a gaze in Levi’s direction he simply… leaves. He disappears down the hallway, out of sight.

"E-Erwin?" Levi manages, getting up on shaky legs as he follows the sound of a zipper, the soft thud of shoes and- and… and the opening of a door, and…

"Erwin! E-Erwin, wait, I-"

The front door slams shut. And just like that, Erwin is gone.

An hour later, Levi is pacing.

It had started with cleaning - dusting the shelves that held Erwin’s many books, the cabinets, the dresser in the hallway, a desperate attempt to distract himself from the unbearable feeling of guilt that had been rapidly growing within him. But despite his best attempts it had been impossible to get rid of. Levi had palmed at his eyes, at his sweaty forehead as he ripped the various items of their bathroom cupboard to clean it thoroughly, mind racing with unstoppable thoughts and worries. 

Erwin left.

He’d walked out the door and he’d fucking let, something he’d never fucking done before, not once. Erwin had left, left because of what Levi only now was realising was a massive dealbreaker, a disappointment, and not just a regular one. No, this was a life-changing thing – one that had shifted the path Erwin had seen his life taking. And he’d left, left without a word, without expressing anger or sadness, he’d left Levi alone with his thoughts, left him to assume what would become of their relationship, of their marriage, and… and… and fuck, Erwin had left! He’d fucking left! And as Levi slides his washcloth over the already clean surfaces of their cabinet for the tenth, fifteenth, twentieth time, he becomes increasingly convinced that his husband’s left for good.

“ Fuck!” 

It comes out as a whimper, a horribly pathetic one, and Levi runs his wet fingers through his hair as he squeezes his eyes shut, palming and fisting at the black strands till it hurts, a futile attempt to ground himself.

With their soaps, toothbrushes, toothpaste and various other toiletries still scattered over the sink, he throws the cloth onto the marble surface. It knocks Erwin’s cologne over, and that’s the breaking point. Levi’s skin is crawling at this point, itching and twitching uncomfortably, and in yet another try to break from everything he stomps out, overwhelmed, bathroom left messier than it had been before.

Maybe it’ll help to clear up somewhere else. Shit, yeah, the bathroom is small, maybe the chemicals of his cleaning supplies got to him too quick since he’d shut the door, maybe he just needs some air. He could clean the kitchen. The living room, maybe, their bedroom. Clean somewhere with open windows or - or at least in an open space, or… yeah - yeah, that’ll be what he needs. It will.  With a trembling hands, Levi makes his way downstairs in a mindless haze, distantly deciding on the living room.

His phone is in there, and he reaches for it without even thinking of it – the crawling uneasiness within him momentarily turning to disappointment as he sees that still, even now, Erwin hasn’t texted him back. He scrolls up, looks at the last text his husband had sent him, two days ago.

Alright, honey. I’ll be right out. I love you! 

‘hurry’ Levi had replied. It seems like such an asshole thing to say in hindsight. Because fuck, Levi would give anything to have Erwin text him like that now. A dumb history fact or a pointless, cheesy message, it doesn’t matter, so long as he’d call him honey, or dearest or beautiful just one more time, just one more fucking time. 

THURSDAY, 15:28

shithead<3 (15:28): Alright, honey. I’ll be right out. I love you!

 

Me (15:29): hurry

TODAY, 07:49

Me (07:49) : erwin where did u go

 

Me (08:01): please come back. im sorry

 

Me (08:09): can you please pick up at least? 

 

Me (08:17): pick up the fucking phone, stop being an asshole.

 

Me (08:19): erwin i know youre angry but you could at least fucking reassure me youre okay 

 

Me (08:23): why would you fucking leave like that? we could have fucking talked abt it but u chose to walk out like a fucking dick and now u cant even take the time to tell me ur ok?

 

Me (08:24): whatever. fucking asshole

 

Me (08:58): erwy please come home

 

Me (9:04): i miss you

 

Rereading the absolute rollercoaster of messages he’s sent doesn’t help. Fuck, he comes across as insane, and granted, Levi does feel insane too, but he doubts Erwin would want to deal with that right now. Still. He just wants his husband to come back, even if it means an hour of screaming at each other. Even if it means having to work through a difficult conversation, or his husband sitting angry in another room. It doesn’t fucking matter, so long as he comes back, so long as he’s okay, at least a little bit just… just not out doing fuck-knows-what on his own.

Not that Erwin can’t handle himself. He can, definitely, it’s just… well, the uncertainty of it all. They’ve had plenty of arguments before, some big, some small, but every time, without fail, Erwin always, always, made sure their line of communication is open and that he’s willing to fix things, that he’d be there whenever Levi was ready. Except for today.

Mindlessly, Levi pulls on the covers of the sofa cushions. He washed them a few days prior, but he decides they’re due for a thorough cleaning once more now – he needs a damn distraction.

He kneels down by the sofa, tries to focus. Tries to count each zig-zag trace of their zippers, to focus on the lingering scent of detergent, on how the fabric feels under the touch of his fingers, but still, no matter what, his mind falls back to that spiralling panic. To overthinking. Because surely, that’s what this is. Right? Overthinking.

Surely Erwin had just gone over to Muche and Nanaba’s to vent his frustrations. Maybe to his father, or one of his coworkers, or…

Or…

Or… what if he’s gone to Nile?

Nile Dok, who Erwin always introduces as “his friend,” because it sounds better than “my ex girlfriend’s husband?” What if he’s gone to them? To Marie? Marie, who bats her pretty lashes and tucks her blonde hair behind her ear each time Erwin speaks. Who laughs too loudly at his stupid fucking jokes, who had refused to speak with Erwin for a month after hearing about him and Levi’s engagement? What if she’s Erwin’s shoulder to cry on? What if she decides this is her chance, offering Erwin something Levi can’t provide, or,  or… or, what if… what if they’re fucking right fucking now? No- no. No. What the fuck? Erwin wouldn’t do that. Of course he wouldn’t. Besides, Marie’s fucking married. Perhaps not happily, but married nonetheless and… and… but what if she decides Erwin is worth infidelity? What if she’s holding him in her arms right now, whispering promises of-

Bzz . 

Torn from his reverie, Levi flinches at the sound of his phone. It takes him a split second to react, to be filled with hope, because… because is Erwin calling? With a hurried leap, Levi throws the cushions aside, stumbling over to his phone to see, to pick up, feeling himself tear up at the thought of his husband’s voice, to hear him say he loves him, to hear him reassure him he’s coming back, that they’ll talk and… 

And the person calling isn’t Erwin.

It’s Uri.

Fuck. Levi texted his uncle’s partner about the whole godfather-thing, he’d completely fucking forgot. That had been before all of this shit had gone down, of course, when he’d felt like he could take on an inevitable phone call from his uncle’s better half. But now? Now that Levi’s on the verge of tears, about to fucking lose it? Probably not.  Realisation hits as his thumb nears the decline-button, though – what if Erwin had called Uri to tell him he was alright?

Erwin’s clearly not in the mood to chat, but maybe he’s made the effort to contact Levi’s step-uncle instead. Yes. Yes, that’s plausible. With that possibility in mind, Levi brings the phone up to his ear, immediately regretting it once he hears his own voice.

“H-h-hello?”

“Levi?” Uri replies. “Hello?”

“... H-hello?” 

“Hello!” his uncle beams finally, sounding as chipper as always. Levi’s heart sinks. “I just saw your text-message, how exciting, Levi! God-parents, wow. What an honour.”

If Erwin /had/ texted Uri, his uncle surely wouldn’t have brought up the god-father thing as an opener. And so… there is no message, no update on his husband’s whereabouts, about what he’s doing.

And with that, Levi breaks. 

With his face in his hand, he squeezes his eyes shut, desperately trying to still his trembling lip, to hold back the tears about to break from the cusp of his lids, unsuccessful when the only reply he manages to offer is a long, tense silence, followed by a hiccup.

“...L-Levi? Wh-... Are you alright?” 

“S-shit. Shit, I-” Levi begins, desperately trying to stifle his sniffling as a stream of warm tears comes running down his cheeks. “Yeah. Sorry, yeah, I… I’m fuckin’ fine, just...” 

For a few seconds, there’s only silence on the other end of the line. Then, the faint sound of shuffling fabric, a croaky, distant mumble of Uri’s name Levi can only assume is his uncle Kenny, a fact which makes all of this infinitely more uncomfortable. 

Hiding his upset to Uri is already difficult and unpleasant enough - the last fucking thing Levi needs at this point is his biological uncle chipping in - offering up helpful comments such as ‘be a man about it’ or ‘pull yourself together.’

“Levi, are you crying?”

Quietly, Levi presses the flat of his palm to his eyes, hard and flat till he sees little specks of light. “No,” he manages. “N-no, is… this is just a shit time. I-I’ll fuckin’... I’ll call you back.”

"L-Levi wait, don’t hang u-"

With the press of the call button Uri’s words are cut off, and silence fills the room once more. No more uncles, no more husband, no voices, only Levi and the quiet and the cushions around him.

And only then does he allow himself to break fully. He’s sobbing and shivering with his face in his hands, tears staining the covers of the pillows. Thoughts of Erwin with Marie turn into comparisons between her and himself, how they differ in looks, in personality, in futures. How fucking lovely that woman really is, and how Levi is the opposite - a crude, cold shell of a human, who swearing and cussing people out. Who’s too angry and too horrible to raise a child, who would let that affect his husband rather than just… changing it, working on his attitude. One who would tell his husband ‘hurry’ rather ‘i love you too.’

Thinking back on it all, just how fucking shitty Levi really /has/ been acting, it isn’t that difficult to see why the other parents in Levi’s many high schools, middle schools and primary schools wouldn’t let their children near him. He’s always assumed it was out of prejudice, but fuck, maybe they’d seen something Levi hadn’t. He hasn’t been self-aware enough to see just how … poisonous he truly was, not until now and…

And is there even anything truly good about him at all? Anything? 

The thought is a terrifying one, one that sends Levi spiralling even further. Because if there /isn’t/ anything good about him, then… then what the fuck is he sat here crying for? How the fuck does he, the one who had started all of this, dare to sit sobbing with self-pity? 

When /Erwin/ is the one who’s hurt, /Erwin/ is the one who has to put up with him, /Erwin/ is the one who-

"Levi? Erwin?"

Wh-

Levi sits up from where he’s slumped over and sobbing. He does so a bit too quickly apparently, because his vision instantly goes hazy as blood rushes to his head, cutting off his train of thought.

"Hello? Are you two- Levi!"

The frail figure before him grows gradually more visible as Levi regains his footing, hands planted firmly on either side of him. It’s his step-uncle, he realises, crouching down in front of him.

Uri’s brows are knit together in pure concern, and Levi can’t fucking blame him - he can already feel how puffy the crying has made his face, his lids and his cheeks, and he probably looks a mess - hazy-eyed, blood-shot skin with tears running down them, not to mention that he’s sat in the midst of an uncharacteristic mess /by himself,/ Erwin nowhere in sight.

"Levi, what…Levi, what’s happening?" Uri asks gently, groaning ever slightly as he sits by him. "Where’s Erwin? Wh-"

"I-is Kenny here?" is all Levi manages, voice still croaky and trembling. "I-I can’t fuckin’- I… I don’t want-"

"I know," Uri says carefully. And there was no doubt in Levi’s mind he does fucking 

know, because Uri always somehow does. In high school, Levi had decided the man was a fucking psychic based on how well he seemed to read people. His uncle and him had never really been used to people taking their time with them – the Ackerman exterior was far too harsh to stick around, and so no one had ever really bothered. But Uri had understood them both immediately, somehow. Understood their odd relationship, despite how complicated Levi had always felt it was, understood how to calm them both down, how to get them to open up. 

Levi had felt truly alone at that point in his life. He hadn’t had many friends, and it wasn’t like he could openly talk to his uncle about anything - it just wasn’t the sort of relationship they shared. So when Uri entered their lives, encouraged Levi to talk about his difficulties, whether it be about his loneliness, the way people seemed to misunderstand him, his (‘unhealthy,’ Uri had said) coping mechanisms, it had been… an unfamiliar thing, something Levi had been convinced was a trick of some sort, simply because of how … well, selfless, it seemed.

Years have passed since then, though, and just as Uri has grown to known him, Levi knows Uri, too. The man is keen to listen, to help, and although he knows there’s no downside to it now, it’s still difficult to just… speak to him. 

"No, he’s not," Uri reassures. His wrinkly hands are laid carefully in his own lap, brows knit together in evident concern. “It’s just me. I… will you tell me- or… wh- how did we end up here, Levi? What’s happened?”

Levi raises a hand to palm at his still wet eyes, a weak attempt to hide his upset, as if that’s stil an option. He says nothing, not yet. Doesn’t feel ready for it. 

"Kenny is concerned. We both were, after the call, we… well, something was clearly wrong," Uri continues. "I tried Erwin’s cellphone, but he isn’t picking up. Did you… have an argument, perhaps?"

And just like that, Levi broke down once more. 

"A-and he- he was slappin’ this-this watermelon! And then- hh, hhh and it was-"

"Mhm?"

"-so fuckin’ weird- hh a-and he’s been actin’ all fu-fuckin cheesy and… and h-he found these socks and kept sayin’ like… like how cute they were and … and then at Nan’s babyshower he said… s-said he wanted a baby, and I-I got uncomfortable and I slept on the sofa, hhh, s-so so… so he came down the next d-day t-to see if he’— hhh… hhh.."

"Levi, deep breaths."

"A-and I j-just blurted I didn’t want- want kids, and he fuckin’ left! And-"

"Alright. Alright, h-" 

"-I fuckin- I can’t ! I- he’s gonna leave me, h-he-”

"Levi. Take a deep breath."

Levi hitches desperately where he’s sat, now absolutely frantic in a way he’ll certainly regret by tomorrow, but fuck, he can’t help it. It’s just all too much at once, far too much – he’d started by explaining that Erwin had left, it was supposed to be a short and concise explanation. But the second he’d opened his mouth he’d been unable to shut up. Still, he desperately tries to do as his step-uncle instructs now, clinging to a nearby cushion as he takes a few, shaky breaths. 

"… Levi. Erwin has not left you. Think about this rationally for a second, alright? I’ll help."

Levi sniffles pathetically where he’s sat, nodding silently as he tries to collect himself.

"He’s a rational man. If he were going to leave you, which I am certain he will not, he would not have done it like this. He most likely needed time to think things over, some distance, just like you do at times."

"But… he never fuckin’ needs distance," Levi mutters. "He’s always the one wanting to talk shit out, and… fuckin’… this is clearly a dealbreaker."  Uri sighs, still on the floor right by him. He shakes his head.

"Erwin did not marry you because of the children he thought you’d have," he says carefully. "He married you because he loves you, that much is evident. Why do you think your uncle Kenny approved of him?" 

Through his seemingly endless tears, hitching and sniffling, Levi can’t help but let out a small huff of laughter. Not because Uri’s wrong or anything, but because of how serious he is, as if his and Erwin’s marriage had been something for fucking Kenny to approve of or bless or whatever the fuck people did 150 years ago. His step-uncle’s point does stand, though. Kenny does approve of his husband, despite his initial scepticism. And that is significant, Levi can’t deny that. It means meeting a myriad of unattainable expectations, and honestly, even though Levi’s never given much of a shit of what Kenny thinks of his boyfriends, it had meant quite a lot when Erwin’s first meeting with his uncles had ended in… well, his husband not being scared off. All of that aside, Uri’s words do manage to ground him somewhat. Erwin /didn’t/ marry him for their children, that is true. It still makes an impact of course, but… seeing Uri this calm about it all, this collected and… not… angry feels grounding. Helpful. But Levi’s calmness is short-lived. Because in the very next second, there’s a click of the door. The front door.

Levi’s eyes widen, and Uri’s head turns quickly to peer out into the hallway.

"… Hello? Levi?" 

Tears well back up into Levi’s eyes as he hears his husband’s voice, soft and gentle and welcoming and… and he needs to hug him. Needs to tell him he’s sorry, that he’ll make it right, and- and…

Uri is beating him to it. Before Levi can so much as move, the old man is on his feet, marching straight towards the hallway in threatening vigour, the sound of his wool-slippers slapping against the hard-wood floors fading gradually. And at first, Levi thinks Uri is going to leave so they can have a moment alone. But… then he hears him speak. And Levi’s eyes widen. Because Uri’s fucking furious.

"You have a lot of gosh darn nerve, you know that?”

"U-Uri? What are-"

"Don’t you take that tone with me! Leaving Levi all to himself, not answering a single one of his text-messages? Knowing he gets the way he gets? That is not how you treat family, and it is certainly not how you treat a spouse!"

"Sir, I-" 

‘Sir?’ Erwin must be fucking horrified. And Levi can’t blame him. He hasn’t even managed to stand up yet, caught up listening to his uncle’s sudden change of attitude. He’s never heard Uri speak to somebody like this, not even Kenny, not once. Because this isn’t just a slap on the wrist to make a point – Uri sounds genuinely upset with Erwin’s behaviour, and although Levi should probably step in, he finds himself too surprised to do so.

"Do you have any idea how upset he was when I came over!? How anxious he’s been!? Not just for your safety, but for the future of your marriage! You’ve been gone for hours! Not a word!"

Levi stands up carefully as he listens, sheepish as he makes his way over to the hallway.

"… Sir, Uri, I- I know. Is he here? I’d like to explain myself to him properly, not through-"

"No, Erwin, I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation! I know it can be difficult to be patient, I married an Ackerman as well. And you have every right in the world to demand some room to think. What you have no right to do- what no husband has a right to do, is to purposefully leave your spouse thinking you’re going to leave them for good, or god forbid , that you’re not safe."

"I understand , I was-"

"No, Erwin! You caused your husband to have a serious breakdown today. He’s my nephew , I darn near raised the boy, I know his bluntness can be a lot. But you know just as well as I do that Levi or Kenny stomping off in protest doesn’t hold an ounce of the same meaning of either of us doing the same.”

"… Uncle Uri." 

Levi’s voice is soft and croaky as he leans against the hallway wall, gaze sheepishly fixated on his own hands. "… I’ve got it."

"…Levi." Erwin’s voice is trembling at this point, maybe from the sight of him, maybe from Uri’s rather intense yelling, he didn’t know. Probably both. "L-Levi, oh…" Silence takes over for a few short moments. And then Uri approaches again, hand squeezing gently at Levi’s shoulder. “I’m leaving you two to talk. You call me after. Okay?”

"Mhm."

"… Good."

He gives Levi a short hug before he walks down the hallway once more, the silence awkward as he fumbles with his shoes, his jacket. "You’re very lucky Kenny isn’t here, Erwin," Uri says finally, sternly, a comment which feels just ominous enough that it would have been funny in any other scenario. 

The sound of the door slamming shut reverberates through the house, feeling endless in its impact despite only lasting a few short moments. And immediately, Erwin’s at Levi’s side. He stands next to him, only a few feet off, just as Levi had wanted, but now that he has him he feels frozen, uncertain. It occurs to him that Uri was right - that he had been overthinking, Erwin walking out was uncharacteristic and certainly not thoughtful, but still, Levi can’t help but feel bad.

He can’t bring himself to look at him now, the guilt still lingering in his chest, and for a moment,  cross-armed and averting, all Levi does is stand. Relishes in the tension, in the horribleness of it all. He knows he looks a mess - he’d been crying pathetically right before Erwin walked in, and there’s no doubt in his mind that it shows.  Erwin’s not saying anything either, and Levi dreads to look at him. He imagines him concerned, or maybe angry, thick brows knit together where he stands. He has no doubt he’s looking at him though, sad or not, Erwin’s never shied away from such. 

And no matter what’s going through the blonde’s head, whether it’s guilt from walking off, anger from earlier or sheepishness from having had Uri hand his ass to him, there’s no question that Erwin is disappointed.  Feeling uncomfortable and awkward, Levi simply turns, arms still crossed as he makes his way towards the living room. They’ll have to talk, now, he knows that much, Erwin does too. But he enters and the living room is a mess - pillows scattered over the floors, their cases hanging off the sofa. Levi’s phone is thrown half-off the carpet, dust rags and detergent standing by their dining table, and the mess ignites a new sort of stress right on top of the clusterfuck of emotions already going off within  him.

“... Oh, Levi.”

Erwin’s voice is soft behind him, and from it alone, Levi knows he understands. That he realises just what Levi’s been up to while he’s been gone, that he’s been trying to cope - it’s so utterly evident from their fucking /living room/ alone, and shit, -  it makes Levi feel pathetic and dramatic all at once. The vulnerability he shows through the state of a fucking room is just too much for him to handle, and he feels naked, exposed.  It’s the sort of thing your partner, your fucking husband, is /meant/ to see - Erwin is /supposed/ to know him, Levi knows that, but the urge to push away is still there, and it’s unbelievably tempting. He tightens his hold on his upper arms as he tenses, digging his fingernails  into the pale skin there, still not turning to look his husband in his eye. It’s too much, far too much, and Levi /knows/ it’ll send him off the edge and that he’ll start sobbing again like a fucking child,  and he /won’t/ have that, he /can’t/ have that, he-

“... C… can I touch you? Sweetheart? It’s okay if you need distance.”

Levi swallows to coat his dry throat. On one hand, all he wants in this moment is to be left alone, to his own vulnerability - for Erwin to understand that  he doesn’t want to communicate, to let him push him away. But… but the need for comfort is there too, it’s a contrasting force crawling, screaming from within him, battling his need to shy away, and Levi squeezes his eyes shut. Eventually, he nods.  When Erwin wraps his arms around him, it doesn’t provide the same comfort it normally does. Levi doesn’t feel himself relax like he does when his husband pulls him in in sleep, when he hugs him from behind in the kitchen, when he kisses him after work.  No, Levi feels… even more tense than he did before. He feels overwhelmed, overstimulated, and he’s stiff in Erwin’s arms as the blonde rests his forehead against his shoulder, as he strokes his hands over Levi’s arms. 

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” he manages, not confident enough to produce anything else but a whisper. “Y-you’re such- you…”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin whispers. “I know, honey, I’m… I’m so, so sorry.”

“Y-you /left!/ You didn’t… didn’t even wanna talk about it, you just-” 

Levi is interrupted by his own, breathless sob, and like a tap unscrewed he breaks again, sobbing and shaking as he feels his legs give in beneath him, his knees buckling. He sinks to the floor, and Erwin sinks right with him, his arms loosening carefully.  He must sense Levi’s discomfort, he thinks, must feel how the embrace is more a trap than it is a comfort, and he drops his arms down to his sides. Levi’s hands remain where they are, crossed, fingernails barring into the skin of his arms. Erwin must notice, because one big hand remains clutched over Levi’s smaller one, pulling carefully as if to discourage.

He stays quiet like that, lets Levi take what he needs, lets him shake, sob, desperately try to stifle the pathetic sounds that are tearing from his throat for several long moments, for as long as it takes him to get a proper grasp.

"I-I just- I wanted to talk," Levi trembles, tearing his hand from Erwin's own. "I- for f-for /once,/ I w-was gonna... talk with y-you, t-talk shit out like you /always/ s-say we should, and-" 

Desperately, Levi clutches at his own hair, pulls at it as if to ground himself, because he sounds so fucking /pathetic,/ so /hurt/ and stupid, and he /is,/ he is all those things, but he doesn’t want that to show, he can’t have that show, he just… 

“I-I’m sorry,” he sobs then. “I-I sh-shoulda fuckin t-told you I d-didn’t want- didn’t want them I- I shoulda said it b-before we got married, I- hhh, I… I just t-thought we’d f-figure shit out together, that- that we…” 

Interrupting himself once again, Levi lets out a trembling sigh. He reaches up to wipe his eyes once more, dragging the sleeves of his shirt across them. He doesn’t want to talk anymore, he’s done enough talking. “... I didn’t want you to leave me,” he concludes. 

The silence, albeit short-lived, is near unbearable. It feels as if he’s ripped his beating heart out of his chest, presented it to his husband, the man who’s meant to know him more than anybody, and awaiting his judgement, because that’s what this /is./  Unless Erwin turns to leave again. In which case the pieces Levi’s broken into will shatter even further. But Erwin’s thumb is warm against his skin, drawing meaningless little patterns there, movements soft, gentle. “... You have nothing to be sorry for, Levi,” he says. 

“So please don’t… don’t say that. Alright? I…we’ll always figure things out together, that’s what we’ve always done, it-”

“B-but- but you left!” Levi says, voice softening the second he realises just how sharp his tone had been. 

“Y-you… you didn’t w-wanna figure this out together, you… you… hh.”

“... Dearest, hey. We-”

“Don’t call me that,” Levi manages, his hands tightening where they’re clutching at his head. “D-don’t- you don’t get to- to just come back and… and call me all that shit and- and  think this is over, I- why-”

“... No, no. Hey,” Erwin whispers. “Levi, hey. You’re right, I’m sorry. I’d like to explain myself to you, if you’ll let me. But please, darli- Levi, don’t… don’t do that,” he continues, careful as he places his hands back over Levi’s own.  He pulls at them gently, an encouragement for the shorter man to loosen the grip of his own hair. “I know you need something… grounding, but… not that.” Levi stills. Remains quiet for a moment, before he loosens his grip, arms dropping to his sides. 

“... Thank you,” his husband says carefully. “Can… can you turn around so we can face each other? I… I’d like to see you when I explain, when I apologise properly. Please.”

At that, Levi hesitates. He understands what Erwin is saying, he really does.  But what if it’s too much again? What if Levi freaks out again at the sight of him, what if he starts crying again-

“... If you need some more time just… to think before, that’s okay too. I can leave the room if you’d like, I-”

“No! ... D-Don’t… don’t go again. Don’t.” 

Levi is quick to turn as he speaks, as if he’s expecting Erwin to already be gone by the time he’s looked. But his husband is there, of course he is, and he’s sheepish and concerned and his brows are knit together tightly, and as if on instinct, the blonde moves closer. 

"Hey, alright. It’s alright," he says, hurried. "It’s okay. I’m wherever you need me to be." Levi wipes his eyes once more, sniffles quietly as Erwin scoots in. "… I mean that. Okay? I don’t… want you to rush into this conversation because you’re scared I’ll go, okay? 

Whenever you’re ready-"

"I wanna talk," Levi sniffles. "Now. I can’t fuckin’ take the… the fuckin waiting anymore."

"… Okay," Erwin says. "Okay. Would you like to stay here or… or go elsewhere? The kitchen, perhaps, or-"

"F-fuck, Erwin just… j-just talk." 

Erwin sighs. It’s not a thing of upset, Levi thinks. Relief, maybe, or no, not really - a prelude to their conversation, to this inevitable apology of his, the one Levi isn’t even sure he wants yet.

Because how can Erwin make this right? How can Levi? How will they get out of  this absolute clusterfuck? Because Levi doesn’t want children, and Erwin fucking does, and realising that had made the blonde leave - leave him for hours without returning a single text or a call, and how can any of Erwin’s possible explanations-

"I forgot my phone." 

Levi parts his lips ever slightly. Because… what? He fucking /what?/

"I… I needed some space. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, or to upset you by getting angry, because it… it didn’t /warrant/ anger, it really didn’t, I just… ah, anyways that’s… that’s beside the  point I’m trying to make, for now. I…" Erwin pauses to clear his throat, wide eyes filled with the nervous anticipation of a child stating their case to obtain something they want, or to het out of trouble. "I… I left to calm myself, like I said. I decided I’d go for a drive,  to go to the car wash, the one by the shops. I figured… I could sit it out, I suppose, that I could reflect a bit, but… but once I was in there I realised I hadn’t told you where I was going. I reached for my phone to text you, I- I wanted you to know where I was, and why,  but I realised I’d left my phone on the night stand."

Erwin doesn’t look up as he talks. Levi watches him as he explains. It makes sense, but… but it still doesn’t seem fully believable somehow, like it’s a reach for the truth. Because what, Erwin had just slammed the door and  fucked off to wash the damn car?

"… So what, you realised you’d forgotten your phone and decided to have, what, like… six fucking car washes?" Levi says, his trembling voice gradually gaining in stability. "You were gone for fuckin’… for hours, Erwin, I-" 

"I know. I know, I… I didn’t intend on that. Once I realised, I decided I’d drive back home immediately after the wash, but… hh. There must have been something wrong with the machinery, the gears or… or I don’t /know,/ because I was just… stuck. The woman working the till  came in eventually, she called a technician. And- and I asked to borrow the phone she used, so that I could call you. But she wouldn’t let me, ‘company policy’ or something along those lines." 

Levi watches in disbelief, at a loss for words as he listens.

"And… and I was… hhhh I was /stuck/ in a damn car wash for the better parts of an hour and a half, no phone, and… and I-"

"Wh- how th… are you fucking serious? I don’t-"

"I have the receipt somewhere, I… give  me a second, uhm…"

Levi squints as Erwin moves to pat at the pockets of his jacket, to shove his hand down the pockets of his trousers until he eventually retrieves a crumbled-up piece of paper, handing it over with shaky hands.

Levi takes it, unfolding it to the best of his  ability to read it.

"HOOVER’S WASH

10-minute cleanup (1) —- $15

PRICE REDUCTED DUE TO: malfuntion AS OVERSEEN BY: Mallory

TOTAL: $5" 

Levi stares at the thin piece of paper in his hand. The date was right, and it confirmed Erwin’s story, so…

Had his whole freakout been for nothing, then? God, he’d been sat here crying like a fucking heartbroken teenager all while his idiot fucking husband had been stuck in an in & out carwash? But that isn't all - at the bottom of the receipt, written in pen:

"If you change your mind: 07824-968878 - Mal xxx"

Now, what in the ever-living fuck was /this?/ Who the fuck was Mal, and what in the shit had she been doing leaving her number on his  husband’s receipt? Levi’s face must turn sour immediately, because Erwin instantly scoots in closer, placing his hands at either side of Levi’s thighs.

"… The woman at the till wanted my number. I said no, of course, I can show you my phone, so you-" 

"No, it…" Levi pauses, rubbing at his eyes to take all this in. "It’s fuckin’… it’s fine, I believe you. I… hhh."

Erwin wrings his wrists nervously where he sits, watching his husband collect his thoughts.

"… I-I told her I was married," he mumbles carefully, hands gently  soothing over the tops of Levi’s thighs. "To… a wonderful, incredible man who I have no intention of leaving. Ever."

"Oh, shut up," Levi groaned, folding the receipt back up to shove into his own pocket. "You’re not allowed to pull that cheesy shit right now." 

Erwin sits back again, sheepish. "No, you’re right. Of course, I… I’m sorry, Levi."

"… You still… you still left."

Erwin sighs. He nods. "I did. And I shouldn’t have. I didn’t intend to be gone for so long, but I still shouldn’t have… well, left like that. It wasn’t fair on  you."

"… You keep saying all this shit about… communication and talking shit out," Levi mutters carefully, turning away some once more. "But when I actually fuckin’ do it, I… I just… couldn’t you at least have said you needed some fucking space?" 

"I should have," Erwin says. "I should have. It was… uncharacteristic, to say the least. It was just… well I suppose I’ve been selfish, Levi. And extremely so."

Levi looks up again, though this time, it’s Erwin who’s averted his gaze.  His eyes are fixated on his knee, one Levi’s, he doesn’t know, somewhere - anywhere that isn’t his husband. Levi understands, he does. When he speaks about … well uncomfortable subjects, he’ll do the same - not to disassociate from the conversation, but to do the opposite.  To make sure he says what needs to be said, to make sure he speaks his mind without getting too distracted or embarrassed or shameful.

But it’s strange to see Erwin do the same. He’s always so direct, so communicative and in touch with his own emotions, his own thoughts.  It’s a good quality to have - partly what made Levi fall for him in the first place, partly why his students love him so much, why his coworkers consider him a friend.

But now he’s sheepish, shameful almost. It’s an uncanny sight. 

"… I’ve always considered children… well, just a natural next step. Something I would have someday, no matter who I married. But… that certainly isn’t the case for everyone, and I let myself assume. I should have talked to you, should have been open to discuss." 

Levi lowers his gaze. Wrings his hands nervously as the fear from before is reignited. He’s quiet for some time, lets Erwin have the chance to keep talking, but he doesn’t. And that’s when it slips from Levi’s lips.  "… Do you regret marrying me?" It’s close to a whisper as he says it, volume just low enough to conceal the fear in his voice. Because that’s what Levi feels. He’s scared.

Kids are a big fucking deal to those who want them, and Erwin is no exception,  he has no doubt about that. And a vast realisation like this one changes Erwin’s view of their future together, Levi knows that. The question is whether he’s fine with it.

"No, Levi. Of course not," Erwin says though, immediately. Softly. 

Brings his hand over Levi’s own, squeezes gently. For the first time in twelve or so hours, the touch is reassuring. "Of course not. Did you really think… did you think that?"

Levi scratches at his pantleg. He nods.

"… Levi…" 

The shorter man doesn’t say anything. The sides of his eyes are burning again, and although he’s reassured, he’s also fucking upset. 

Erwin looks at him then, and for the first time in what feels like ages, Levi looks back.

"I love you, Levi. More than I ever thought it possible to love somebody," he says. His brows are knit together, and he’s serious as he speaks, bordering on stern. 

"Your view of what our future looks like isn’t going to change that. We’re /partners./ Right?"

Carefully, Levi nods.

"It’s just… it’s a fucking big deal. And… I could fuckin’ tell it meant a lot to you and… fuck, Erwin I… I don’t wanna deprive you of-" 

"You’re not depriving me of anything by being true to yourself, Levi. Is that really what you think?"

Levi sighs. Bites his lip nervously. "… So what then? We don’t have kids, go my way? Isn’t that just as selfish?" 

A few moments pass before Erwin moves in closer. His hands glide up carefully, slow as they venture up to his waist. "… I don’t know what our life will look like in 10 years.  I don’t know whether we’ll… live here, or have moved. I don’t know whether we’ll have pets, or a different car or children. But I know I’ll be with you," Erwin says.  For once, all hesitance in his voice is gone. "But I know I’ll have you. And I want you. A life with /you./ Whatever that looks like." 

At that, Levi’s brows knit together. His lip trembles slightly, and he closes his eyes once more. Tries to collect himself. To not cry, to gather himself. He nods.

Erwin sighs. "… Can I hold you?" 

Instantly, Levi nods. Reaches out towards him, finding himself tucked gently against Erwin’s chest before he can reach. And when he’s there, close, feeling Erwin’s warmth, his smell, his breathing, slow and steady, he relaxes.  And his husband wraps an arm around him, uses the other to cup the back of his head, drawing him closer. Turns his head ever slightly to kiss at his temple. 

The familiar feeling of Erwin’s lips over his skin is overwhelming and reassuring all at once. Levi lets his body relax easily, lax as he melts into the larger man’s embrace, still feeling sparks of panic at the uncertainty ahead.  It’s a small thing though, minimal compared to the emotional flare-up from earlier, and Levi finds the comfort overpowers the panic for once.

“... I’m sorry,” he hears Erwin say, voice muffled as he speaks against Levi’s hair. “I’m so, so sorry, Levi.”  His husband sounds a bit choked up, as if he’s speaking in-between coughs, or with no air in his lungs, and Levi hugs him tighter. “I’m sorry,” the blonde continues. “I’ve been so selfish, I haven’t done right by you.” 

“... I’m sorry, too,” Levi mumbles, drawing soothing patterns over Erwin’s back. “I shouldn’t have fuckin’... kept quiet for so long.” But the blonde only shakes his head, quickly, as if he’s trying to be reassuring.  He presses another kiss to Levi’s temple, then to his cheek. Trails up his temple again.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Levi.,” he whispers. “Absolutely nothing.”

At that, Levi snorts. Although he’s clearly upset, it’s reassuring to see Erwin back to his usual sappy self.  “You’re always the one bringin’ the serious shit up,” he mumbles. “S’my responsibility to do that too, shouldn’t just be on you.”

“You do, Levi. You /did,/ this morning,” Erwin says. “And I walked out. I shouldn’t have, I-” 

“I wasn’t exactly pleasant about it.” Levi sits back again. Erwin’s hands drop down to the shorter man’s hips as he does, and Levi takes them in his own, squeezes them. It’s his turn to be reassuring now, to simmer down.  To make Erwin feel alright again. Just as his husband does for him, every day. “I dunno. There’s a difference between… y’know, talking and fuckin’... yelling, being unreasonable about it.” 

For a moment, all Erwin does is look at him. His brows are still knit together tightly, though not necessarily in upset - or, maybe there is some of that, too. But for the most part, he’s looking at Levi like he’s calculating, like he’s trying to process what’s being said,  eyes blankly carting over the shorter man’s face in deep thought.

“You didn’t yell,” he lands on. “We communicate differently. No, I shouldn’t be the only one bringing these things up, but I can’t expect you to stretch as far as-” 

“-being nice about it?” Levi snorts. “Course you can expect that. You should.”

“No. Not being /nice/ about it,” Erwin counters. “I shouldn’t expect you to communicate these things- /difficult/ things, in /my/ way. You can be blunt, yes. 

But I know you, and I know how you convey these things. Besides, you weren’t even particularly harsh,” he continues, one hand rising up to thread through Levi’s hair, soothing. “You said what you felt, tried to explain, reasonably. I was the one who didn’t want to hear it.” 

Levi looks at him. Sighs.

Erwin is right in one way, and it leads Levi to his other concern. Because his husband /did/ get upset, properly so, so much so it brought out a side of him Levi’s never ever seen before - a draw-back without warning, leaving him with no reassurance. 

And although Erwin was only gone for as long as he’d been because of that damn car wash, he’d still /gone./ And that’s forgiven - it isn’t that - it’s just… well…

“... You’d be a great fuckin’ dad,” he mumbles. “Feels like I’m taking it away from you.” 

Erwin lowers his gaze. It’s a heavy thing, that aversion, and it sends a splinter of pain through Levi’s chest. Clearly, he’s hit the nail right on the head.

“If you /don’t/ want children, that’s not something I’m going to force upon you,” he says, and again, Levi feels bad.  It feels like he’s depriving his husband of something he’s always wanted, and still does, so, so strongly. “But I’m not going to leave you because of it. Like I said, Levi, I want to grow old with /you./ No matter what that will be like.” 

Levi sighs once more. He lays back against Erwin’s chest, relishes in the feeling of it when his husband’s hands return to caress his back, his neck. “For better and for worse, Levi,” Erwin mutters. “I meant that when I said it.” 

Levi smiles faintly. Squeezes his husband’s hand once more, turns his head to press a kiss to his chest. “I’ll prove it to you,” Erwin promises next. Levi looks up at him, lost. His husband smiles down at him, and it’s warm and fond and the greatest comfort of the day so far.  “I can tell you’ve been stress-cleaning,” he clarifies, and finally, Levi understands. As far as ‘for better or for worse’ goes, Erwin can probably tell Levi’s current state of mind falls in the latter category - the fact that they’re sitting in a  pile of pillowcases and sofa cushions testament enough. The clutter in the bathroom probably won’t help either. And although Levi prefers to clean on his own, it’s a great relief to do it with Erwin this time. 

To observe as their space becomes neater over the next hour, to put the shampoos and toothbrushes and all the other things Levi left out, back in the bathroom cabinet. It’s a great relief when Erwin decides to air out the room, and he feels the chill of the wind unfog his  still-uneasy mind. It’s a great relief to wipe the dust off the bookshelves, to hear the kettle boil distantly, in the kitchen.

And it’s a great relief when Erwin sits him down for a tea-break, and they talk. Properly. And it’s a good, grounding, difficult talk.  Levi admits his insecurities, talks about his bluntness, his impatience. That he wouldn’t want himself for his own child, that he has never considered becoming a parent because of it.  And Erwin is understanding and soothing, and although he disagrees, he also makes it clear he won’t ever expect anything that big from him. That if Levi truly doesn’t want to, that’s alright. 

And so, they go on with their lives. Erwin seems happy either way, and so it’s easy for Levi to forget. To move on.

They meet their god-daughter a few weeks later. Her name is Rico, and it’s still easy to move on, despite the fact that Erwin is teary-eyed and smiling  when he holds her for the first time. It’s easy, despite the day they babysit her, and she’s giggly and squirming as Levi applies her sunscreen. Despite how his heart swells at the sight of Erwin playing with her. 

Despite how right it feels as Levi rocks her in his arms until she sleeps.

It’s easy, even when they go grocery shopping, and Levi is the one throwing second-glances at tiny socks and baby strollers.  It’s still easy. Because… Levi doesn’t want children. And Erwin is alright with that.

It’s supposed to be easy.

… So why can’t Levi stop thinking about it? 

"Ah, there’s my baby!"

Nanaba drops to her knees, beaming as she reaches out for Rico.

The girl lets out a bouncing shriek of joy, stumbling some as waddling turns to a clumsy attempt to run down the Ackerman-Smith hallway. "Oh!" Erwin yelps, catching her by the waist as she  tumbles over, and Levi smiles. Although she’s gotten /quite/ good at walking, running is proving to be quite the challenge. She’s a champ, though - doesn’t cry as she regains her footing, now with support from Erwin. "Mama!" he shrieks happily, letting go as she reaches Nanaba. 

She presses a kiss to the baby’s cheek, sparing no moment to lift her up in her arms. "Hiya! Did you have fun with Erwin and Levi?"

"Lebi!" Rico says eloquently, and Erwin chuckles.

"Thanks for watching her," Nan says, and Erwin nods. "Of course. We’re always happy to." 

Levi watches as Erwin tells her about what they’ve been up to. Playing ball in the yard, practicing walking, baking. Finds himself immersed suddenly, watches Erwin smile brightly as he ruffles Rico’s hair, readjusts her little glasses. The diaper bag is hanging off his shoulder,  and when Nanaba hands Rico back over to retie her shoe, something just… clicks. Something that’s been building up for a long time, something warm and fond and loving, like a final puzzle piece pushed into place.

Because Erwin is standing there, child in his arms and glasses  askew, diaper bag hanging off his shoulder, his stupid fucking sandals still on his feet. And he looks… so happy, and so content, and Levi realises he wants to see him like this all the time. He wants to feel like this, all the time.  He’s quiet as he listens to Nanaba’s car pulling out of the driveway, as he makes his way back towards the living room to clean up the handful of toys they keep around for Rico specifically.

He does so distantly, thinking about everything yet nothing at all, only torn from his  reverie when he feels Erwin’s big arms wrap around him.

"Hey," the blonde says. Presses a kiss to his crown. "You’re quiet. Everything alright?"

Levi turns. Considers saying something. Ends up nodding instead. He hums an affirmative,getting up on his tiptoes to peck Erwin’s  lips. "Just hungry," he says.

"Mh. Me too, I’ll get started on dinner. Pasta sound good for today?"

Levi nods. Smiles as Erwin bends down to kiss him once more, lets him venture off into the kitchen after.  They eat, and Erwin finishes up his work for the night. The hours pass them by, and eventually, Levi coaxes Workaholic Smith into joining him on the sofa with the offer of a cup of tea.

They cuddle while they watch TV, quietly exchange small kisses that grow into something  heated quickly. Levi’s just washed the whole damn living room, though, no way he’s letting it reek of their filthy this soon. They move to the bedroom in a hurry, and this time, he needs Erwin close.

He hugs the man’s neck as they move together, panting and moans and small  nothings filling the room. And after, Levi’s laying over his husband’s chest lazily, absentmindedly drawing small patterns over his chest.

"You okay, honey?" Erwin asks after a few minutes. He brushes his fingers over Levi’s undercut, voice lazed with exhaustion.  "You’ve been quiet."

For a moment, all Levi does is lay there. Pauses his fingers’ gentle caress over Erwin’s chest to stare on into nothing. And he wants to say ‘yes,’ to say that nothing is up, that he’s tired and wants to go to sleep, but… 

But there’s too much warmth, too much appreciation and stupid dreams filling him up, buzzing in his chest so densely it threatens to burst, and…

"… I want a baby." 

And then it’s out. Levi’s said it and the room is quiet and it’s out. And Erwin isn’t saying anything. It’s out, he’s admitted it, and Erwin isn’t saying anything, isn’t moving and… and is he mad? Happy? Is he disappointed that Levi's changed his mind again?  It’s quiet for a second too long, and Levi isn’t sure what to do, and so he just lays there, not quite scared, not quite at-ease either, and…

And he finds himself sitting back up, encouraged by Erwin as he does the very same. Warm hands cup his cheeks then, they cradle Levi’s  face carefully, and when he looks up, Erwin’s brows are turned up, as if he’s anticipating. As if he’s not quite sure he’s heard him right, doesn’t want to assume and show his emotions prematurely.

“... You… you mean it?” he asks, a bit breathless. 

Levi looks at him with wide eyes. Feels his heart as it pounds against the back of his ribs, threatening to break free. “... Yes,” he whispers.

A trembling breath tumbles from the cusp of Erwin’s lips. He pulls Levi in gently, cradles the back of his head as he pushes it  against his chest, presses many, encouraging kisses against his temple, his crown, his forehead. And Levi puts his arms around Erwin, too - needing him close, closer than you can get from a hug or a kiss or sex, he wants him close, closer, the overpowering love he has for this  man rushing and roaring within him louder than ever. “With you,” Levi finishes.

“You want it?” Erwin asks. His voice has picked some excitement by then. “You… I mean, /you/ want this? Not just because you think I do?” 

Levi doesn’t /think/ Erwin wants children, he fucking /knows,/ first of all. If it hadn’t been obvious from earlier, his reaction now certainly would give him away. It’s adorable, really - he’s trying so hard to conceal his blatantly obvious excitement for Levi’s sake,  just in case, but he’s failing miserably. Levi can tell he’s smiling as he presses kiss after kiss after kiss over his temple, his forehead, his cheek, voice a bit breathless in happy shock as he holds him tight. And even if he’d done none of that, his heart is giving it away  - Levi is pressed up against his chest, and he can feel Erwin’s excitement there - the thuds of his heart rapid and rhythmic and strong and good. Levi feels content then. Happy. He looks up, cups Erwin’s face, strong fingers grazing over the blonde stubble growing there. 

“/Yes./ I want it.”

Erwin looks so soft where he sits. He’s looking at him so gently, with so much love and appreciation Levi feels he might burst, and he shuts his eyes to nuzzle his cheek into the palm of Levi’s hand, carefully. 

Had it been possible, the sight would have made the shorter man straight into their bed. But he settles for reaching up to kiss the blonde’s forehead. Erwin leans into it, further so when Levi leans back until his head hits the pillows.  The blonde follows, laying down to rest his head against Levi’s chest.

“It’s… been on my mind for a while,” the shorter man says. He brings his hands up to play with Erwin’s hair, absentmindedly.  “Obviously we can’t fuck off and get one tomorrow, but… I was thinking we could at least, uh… start looking into it.”

Erwin kisses his chest, silently. He nods. “I’d love that, Levi. If you feel ready for this, there’s nothing I’d want more.”  Levi smiles. Presses another kiss into Erwin’s hair. And when they fall asleep, he dreams of lullabies and baby shoes. 

The next few weeks are spent thinking. Planning, researching. They reach out to a man named Artur Braus, whose home in the outskirts of the city doubles as a children’s home.

Levi spends half his paycheck on parenting books, reading chapters and chapters on what to expect, on  preparation, ideal parental qualities and traits until Erwin confiscates them. He gets in his head too much - never doubts himself like he did before, but still worries he won’t be good enough.

Still, Erwin helps. And after a long time of consideration, they decide.  Initial checks and home visits feel like they last a lifetime. Levi’s wringing his wrists nervously when they first meet with Artur and his wife, Lisa, but they seem optimistic.

The paperwork is long-lasting too. They spend endless nights over mugs of coffee, under dim lights,  filling out form after form, time and time again. And before long, - or: no, it’s been /long,/ but still - before long, Artur lets them know they’ve been approved as adopting parents, prospectively. 

It’s still a long wait, despite it. But one day, a year after they’ve been approved, it happens.

Levi’s at work, dodging past screeching children and teens in the school yard. He rounds the corner swiftly, turns his face as he opens the lid of the large bins they keep behind the  building, weary of the smell. But as the lid smacks shut again, Levi can make out the faint scent of cigarette smoke. Instantly on alert, he locks eyes with Jean Kirschtein. The kid’s got a cigarette in his hand, a lighter in the other, and the look on his face is simply… well,  horrified.

“Kirschtein,” Levi deadpans. He makes his way over with alarming resolve, and Kirschtein lets out a string of incoherent nervous babbles. “What the hell have I told you about those?” 

“S- Uhm… I’m serious, Sir, I didn’t-”

“Did I not tell you I’d let you off the hook /once?/”

“Y-yes, but-”

Levi’s distracted when his phone begins vibrating in his pocket, and he absentmindedly reaches for it.  “That shit is gonna ruin your lungs before you’re 20. Put it out,” he continues, using his other hand to snatch the butt right out of his hand, before Kirschtein can actually do as he’s told.  Levi lets out a disapproving groan as he lets it go, watches it topple against the concrete, the flame fizzles out under the sole of his shoe. He glances down at his phone as he continues. “I’m calling your damn parents once I’ve…”

It’s Artur. 

Artur is calling. Not emailing or texting, he’s /calling./

His face must turn slack immediately, because before Levi can collect his thoughts enough to press accept, Kirschtein mumbles a small and pathetic: “S-Sir?” 

“Get to class. Last chance, I catch you again here, I’m calling your parents. Scram.”

Kirschtein needs no further encouragement to do exactly that, and so Levi is quick to take the call. “Hello?” he asks.

“Hey there. Levi, it’s Artur. This a bad time?” Levi looks down at himself, at his janitor's uniform. He clears his throat. “Nah. Uh, I have time.”

“Great. I’m just calling to let you know we’ve found a potential match for you and your husband.  I’ve just sent her file over to your email, but have you two got time to come down to the home to discuss it sometime this week?”

Levi’s breath catches in his throat. He clutches at his clothes absentmindedly, warmth and relief filling his chest all at once.

/Her./ 

Artur’s found a potential match, and she- /she,/ a girl, /their/ girl, exists and she’s no longer some hypothetical fantasy-child they’ve been dreaming about, she’s /real,/ and he’s gotta tell Erwin, he needs to find him now, he- 

“Y-yeah. Yes, sh- yes,” Levi manages, accompanied by an airy laugh. It makes Artur chuckle, but Levi’s too excited to be embarrassed. “Yes?”

“Y-yes- definitely. Uhm… when? Whenever, we’re- we’re available whenever,” he continues, without knowing if that’s true.  They may have plans or work or a date or /something,/ but /nothing/ can be more important than this. Nothing.

“Eh, let's see. Today’s the fifth, uh… shall we say the seventh? Sunday?”

“Yeah,” Levi agrees, immediately. “Yeah, Sunday- Sunday’s great. That’s fine.”  Artur chuckles once more. “Great. You two come down at eleven-ish, or after, then. Does that sound alright?”

“Yeah. Uh, that sounds good. Thank you. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome. Bye then.”

Levi needs a moment to calm down after he hangs up.  Fuck, he feels as if he could do a fucking cartwheel at this point, or leap into the air, or… shit. He needs to tell Erwin. He’s gotta- fuck. Levi swears internally as he stumbles on his own step.  But the mishap is forgotten easily as he makes his way back toward the school entrance, up to the second floor in a hurry.  Completely forgetting himself, he barges into Erwin’s classroom in blissful reverie - completely grounded again by the thundering sounds of film music and darkness, before he meets the gaze of some twenty, thirty, fifteen-year-olds.  Levi turns his head to see Erwin by his desk, leaned back in his chair. He’s sitting in the same direction as the rest of the kids are - they’re watching a movie, Levi realises, of course - because the fucker is mid-lesson, and Levi barged in like some moron, but  it’s /important,/ and-

The music stops. Levi returns from his thoughts to see Erwin’s fingers withdraw from the mousepad of his computer. He stands up.

“Levi? Is everything alright?” 

It must be obvious something is going on. The kids /know/ they’re married by now, but even so, formalities require them to adress each other by their last names. And Erwin looks concerned as he gets up from his chair, his students exchanging confused, half-entertained looks.  Their quiet mutters fill the room as Levi regains control of his limbs.

“Uh. Yeah. I’ll- uh… I’ll come back later,” he says, before he turns to leave.

“N-no, uh… kids, keep watching," Erwin says immediately, quick to move across the floor of the classroom. "Armin, you’re in  charge, alright? Keep watching."

Once the door is shut behind them, Erwin’s hand makes its way down to Levi’s back - a reassuring, yet concerned touch. Through the walls, the film music recommences.  It’s not completely private, though - there’s a glass slit in the door, and Erwin pulls him back a few steps for privacy.

"Sweetheart?" he asks.

Levi bites his lip, as if it’ll help him  hold back the beaming smile his lips are threatningly close to breaking into.

"… Le..vi?" Erwin asks again, and this time, all concern is swapped out for pure… well, confusion it seems. And Levi can’t hold back. He pulls the man down by his tie, kisses him.  Erwin yelps in surprise, but he melts into it with a low hum. "Mmh… Levi, wh- hah, what’s gotten into you?"

Levi lets out an airy chuckle as he reaches for his phone. Holds Erwin close by his waist as he fumbles through his apps, clicks on his emails. As promised, the one from  Artur is there.

"Potential Match for Adoption," the subject reads, the preview below it: "Hi Levi, hope you’re doing well. I’m very happy to inform you that…"  Levi lets out another blissful huff as he turns his phone, lets Erwin look at it. He feels impatient for the few seconds it takes his husband to react, but when he does, his eyes widen considerably.

"Wh-" he begins, quietly. Breathlessly. He looks up at Levi, back to the screen.  Back to Levi again, where he laughs in what can only be disbelief, looks at the screen again.

"He called, too," Levi says quietly. "It’s a girl. We’re meeting Artur to get her info on Sunday."

Erwin’s eyes are turned up in an unbelievable expression of disbelief, of glee, Levi  doesn’t know, he just knows that it’s good, it’s /wonderful,/ and as the news sink in, Erwin’s eyes turn glassy. It’s an emotional moment, half-way ridiculous because of the dramatic orchestra accompanying whatever historical movie playing in the other room. But it’s memorable. 

And it’s beautiful.

Levi’s about to reach out for his husband, but Erwin beats him to it - wrapping his arms around him with a teary laugh. Levi yelps when the man lifts him, spins him around. "E-Erwin, shit, stop-" he laughs, clutching desperately at his husband’s neck before  falling back into the secure and /still/ grip of Erwin’s arms. They exchange a soft kiss there, and Levi lifts his hand to tuck a small wisp of blonde behind his ear.

"A girl," Erwin whispers. "A /daughter,/ Levi." 

"I know," Levi says, just as quietly. In the other room, a man with a posh accent calls his King a tyrant, accompanied by suspenseful violins. "D-do you wanna open it now? Check the email?"

"Yes," Erwin says. "Yes, I- the kids are watching a movie anyways. Please, I-" 

"/Thou’st gone mad, Cromwell. Turned a fool, I say!/" a man proclaims from the other room. Erwin chuckles. Levi smiles, too. They kiss once more.

"Sorry," Erwin whispers. "Movie for today’s class. I promised."

Levi snorts. "That’s fine. I-" 

"/Would thee make a fool of a man who fights for his country!? For his God!? Nay, by the book - the only fool present is /thee!/"

Oh my god.

Erwin chuckles at Levi’s annoyed frown. "Let’s go somewhere else. Okay, we can- oh."

When Levi turns his head, heat is quick to pool in  his cheeks. They must have moved, maybe when Erwin spun him around - because Levi’s sat with his legs around his husband’s waist, they’ve been /kissing/ right in front of the glass slit of the classroom door. And the kids are fucking /staring./

"Get- fuck, let me down! Erwin-" 

"Shoot, yes- uhm…"

Levi scrambles out of Erwin’s arms, quick to push him back around the corner, embarrassed. He rubs his eyes. And Erwin laughs. Presses a kiss to his hair. "I’m sorry. We… we’ll open it when we get home. Okay? Will you wait for me?" 

Levi looks up at him. Still rosy-cheeked, though the happiness and excitement of it all overpowers the embarrassment. "… Yeah. ‘Course I will." 

And Levi does wait.

And it’s difficult.

He watches Erwin return to his students, hears him tell them to calm down as they cheer and yell when he re-enters.  Usually, Levi would cringe at himself, at what the kids just witnessed, probably take out a few sick-days to recover from the public humiliation of it all.  But they have a potential match, and she’s a /girl/ and she’s /real/ and Levi can’t afford to give a shit that a heap of students just saw him get manhandled - he can’t stop smiling.  His fingers are itching with anticipation and excitement every time he reaches for his phone. He knows he’s gonna have to wait for Erwin before he opens Artur’s email, but it’s fucking hard when your potential /child’s/ information is right at your fingertips, and Levi has  to distract himself with some thorough scrubbing of the janitor’s closet for the rest of the day. The hours pass by, unbearable as they are, and eventually, fucking /eventually,/ Erwin finally exits the school building.  He breaks out into a small jog when he spots their car in the lot, and Levi can’t help but smile at the sight of it - his husband looks fucking adorable, excited and happy as he opens the car door, leans over the console to give Levi a short kiss.  They don’t have the patience to drive home before they open the email. They’ve waited long enough.

“Hi Levi,” Levi reads, carefully. “Hope you’re doing well. I’m very happy to inform you that Lisa found a pot- poten… pot-” 

“Potential,” Erwin supplies, pressing a kiss to Levi’s cheek. He usually hates when Erwin rushes his reading, but they’re both in a hurry this time, so it’s easily forgiven, and Erwin's let off with a slap to the arm. 

“... potential match for you and Erwin through another agency. Can we meet sometime later in the week? Her file is atta- att-”

“Attached.”

“Atta- Shut up. Attached below. Thanks and congratulations, Artur.”

Levi scrolls quickly, tapping his foot as the attachments of the  email loads.

The first one they open is called: "G. BRAUN (1)"

And the first thing to pop up is a picture. A picture of a beautiful little girl with a smile so big her chubby little cheeks push her eyes into a squint, and immediately, Levi feels his heart catch  in his chest. Looking up to Erwin, he sees his husband’s lip is trembling, and Levi lets out an airy laugh as he reaches up to kiss his cheek.

“‘Gabi,’” he reads out. He squeezes Erwin’s hand carefully, stroking the skin there in attempts to soothe.  “She’s… she’s four years old. She’s born in Mitras and likes to play football. Her favourite TV-show is American Dragon.”

Erwin lets out a teary laugh, and Levi brings his hand up to kiss it as he continues. “She knows how to write her own name, and how to count to 100.” 

“Clever,” the blonde manages, and Levi laughs. “Mhm. This wasn’t really the info I was expecting when he said to give her /file/ a read-through.”

“It’s perfect,” Erwin says anyway. “She’s perfect.”

Levi can't help but agree.  The second file is closer to what Levi had been expecting. General info such as birthdate and birthplace. It’s slightly vague, and Levi suspects there’s a third file somewhere with more sensitive details, but the gist of the matter is that she’d been given up for adoption after  her mother decided she wasn’t ready to care for her. She’d only been a few months old when she ended up in childhood care, and apparently has been to a home already. Naturally, it raises the question of /why/ she’d been brought back again, which the file fails to mention.  But Saturday comes and goes, and then Sunday comes, and Levi and Erwin find themselves in Artur Braus’ office.

“She’s a rowdy kid, as far as I understand it,” the man says, setting his coffee cup back down on his desk. “Energetic, overly energetic according to the folks that  had her before.”

“... The file said uh… they ‘returned’ her?” Erwin says, fingers bending in quotation at the word. Artur snorts. “You ask me, those people never should have gotten approved to adopt. They had one view of who their kid would be, Gabi didn’t fit that view.  Decided they didn’t want her no more, apparently.”

Levi furrows his brows, absentmindedly tightening his hold on the teacup in his hand.

“You two don’t exactly strike me as the type,” Artur continues. “But you gotta understand that it ain’t a /dog/ you’re adopting.  Can’t just return her when you decide she’s too much. If you ain’t prepared for that, you ain’t fit to adopt.”

“Of course not,” Erwin says immediately. His brows are furrowed down tightly. “Of course. We’re serious about this, we’d never…” 

He pauses then, running his hands through his hair in a way Levi recognises as frustrated. “She’s staying with us,” he lands on. “Our child stays with us. No matter what.”

Artur nods with a small grunt. “And you, Levi? You ain’t said much.” 

Levi looks up then, brows furrowed and frown evident. He knows Artur isn’t accusing them, /him/ of anything. He’s just being careful, careful in making sure Gabi doesn’t end up in the same situation she’s been in before, which Levi can only appreciate.  But he’s not been quiet because he’s having second thoughts. No, if anything, hearing about Gabi’s previous family - no, adopters, he decides, because those fuckers she’d been with before weren’t her fucking family - and if anything,  learning about her past has only made him more sure. Because he can relate to feeling unwanted - he had been too, when he was Gabi’s age. His thoughts fall back to himself as a child - the way teachers and parents and every other fucking adult would treat him like he was a  threat purely for his uncle’s reputation. And it’s far from the same situation - in Levi’s case, the adults in his life had at least had something to pin their fearfulness on - his uncle. Gabi’s only crime is that she’s been herself. But he can relate to the feeling of oneself’s  own persona not being satisfying enough for the people around them, to be labelled as difficult and troublesome. So fucking what if Gabi is a little energetic? Sure, he’s yet to meet her, but Levi’s met plenty kids you’d label the same way through his work, and those kids have  always been /good kids./ Jaeger from Erwin’s history class, Kirschtein with his evident insecurity and tryhardness, sure, they’re a bit much, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they’re good kids, bottom line.

“Frustrated to hear it, s’all,” he mumbles. 

“That she’s difficult?”

“No,” Levi says. Sips his tea, tries to ignore the way his hands are trembling, ever slightly. “That she was placed with those incompetent dickwads you just told us about.”

Artur snorts where he sits. 

He crosses his arms as he leans back in his chair, and for the first time since they begun, he smiles. “I like you twos. And I don’t doubt this’ll be different from the people she was with before. But I gotta be cautious.” 

“Of course,” Erwin says carefully. “We don’t blame you. We’re glad you’re thorough.”

Artur nods. “Well then. Next step is… I’m gonna recommend you to the agency she’s with, and if they accept, you’ll go in front of a matching panel. S’an interview of sorts, I’ll show you when  the time comes. But they accept you, we can set up a first meeting with you twos and Gabi. That sound alright?”

Levi nods. And as Erwin squeezes his hand under the table they’re sat at, he smiles. 

Things start moving quickly from there. They celebrate with wine and cake the day Gabi’s agency accept Artur’s recommendation, once more when the matching panel approves them, too. 

It’s only when they get the date for their first ever meeting things start feeling real, though, threateningly so. Levi copes with the stress by subjecting their kitchen to a thorough deep cleaning, and Erwin places kiss after kiss on his cheek, reassurances after reassurances. 

Levi shakes him off. Because they’re meeting Gabi - the girl Levi’s labelled his /child/ in his mind - in less than 24 hours, and now, as the meeting approaches with threatening vigour, the ‘potential’ in ‘potential match’ begins to feel very real. 

And it’s not because Levi’s having second thoughts. It’s because… well, what if Gabi doesn’t like /them?/ What if she doesn’t like /him?/ What if he’s too quiet and too stern and too cold, like Levi’s always been labelled by everyone else, what if she takes one look at him and  decides hell no, no way I’m going home with this bastards? Or… or what if they /do/ get on well, but Levi doesn’t act in accordance to what the agency, who will be overseeing the meeting, think Gabi needs? 

What if they /aren’t/ what she needs? What then? Will they have to start all over again? Will they give up? 

Erwin doesn’t seem to be stressing over this at all. He cooks dinner and holds Levi’s hand as they watch TV, and when they go to bed, he hugs him tight, whispers small reassurances in his ear until Levi’s lids are heavy with sleep. 

And when he does eventually succumb to his tiredness, Levi finds no rest in the safe-lulls of his dreams. He tosses and turns as his brain pesters him with a series of regrettable scenarios - the first in which he spills coffee over the social worker’s clothes, and she tells them  to get away before Gabi even enters. The second one entails them being late for the meeting - traffic is heavy and when they finally do arrive, another social worker says they’re clearly not serious about this. 

The third one is the worst one, though. Levi and Erwin arrive, and everything is going well, he thinks. They play with Gabi and talk to her for hours, but by the end of it, the social worker looks stern and confused. 

“We’re satisfied with Erwin,” she says this time, chewing on her pen. “But Levi, you’re… you’re clearly unfit for this. What were you thinking, even coming here?” And Levi doesn’t know what to say. 

He looks up, turns to Erwin, expecting his husband to be in his corner, to defend him somehow, but Erwin looks the very same, lowers his head in regrettable agreement. “I thought he’d manage,” he says lowly. “But I don’t think he’s suited for this.” 

“Erwin,” Levi protests, voice weak with disbelief as heavy disappointment and dread settles in his chest. And as he’s told to leave, Erwin doesn’t follow, not even wanting to look /back/ at him, and Levi is yelling for his husband and he’s apologising profusely, but they’re not  listening, Levi is muted, muffled, and he’s just lost his family, all of it, and-

And…

… And he jerks awake in a sweat, panting and grasping at the sheets until his knuckles turn white. “F-fuck,” he manages. Levi swallows to coat his dry throat as he catches his breath,  as reality settles in and anxiety fades, just barely. “Fuck. E-Erwin.”

But Levi turns to find nothing but pillows and comforters. Erwin’s not there. Levi raises an eyebrow, breath still heavy. Maybe he’s gone to piss or something.  But toilet-bound or not, Levi needs comfort, desperately so, and with panic still alarming in his head, he tosses his comforter to the side to search for it.  The clock on their wall reads 4AM, and Levi groans slightly as the room floods with light from the hallway. Yeah, Erwin’s definitely gone to piss.

“Erwin?” he calls carefully, pushing the door open, expecting to find his husband in the middle of a night-poop. But he isn’t.  Because the toilet is empty. And Levi is confused.

“Erwin?” he calls again, holding onto the railing as he makes his way down the stairs. The living room is empty, the office too. Levi opens the kitchen door, seeing that it’s dark, and so he almost walks back out when he  glimpses at the big figure leaning over the sink.

“... Erwin?”

“... Oh.” Erwin looks up to face him. He’s sheepish where he stands, Levi can tell, even through the blinding darkness. Still, he flicks the light on, and Erwin squints uncomfortably.  “The fuck are you doing?” Levi asks. “It’s 4AM.”

“I know. Sorry, I… I’ll be back in a moment, dearest.”

Something’s off. Because even through his tired mutters, the croakiness of sleep in his voice, Levi can tell Erwin is… uncomfortable? Unsure? Something is wrong, anyway,  and he spares no moment to walk over. At first, he glances into the sink. It’s free of dishes, Levi’s made sure of that, but he’s for some reason expecting something to be in there - what else would Erwin be staring at? “... Why are you up?” he asks. Erwin averts his gaze. 

He shrugs.

“Thinking a lot, I suppose. Heh.”

Levi softens a bit, immediately. “... About tomorrow?”

“... Today. Yes.”

The reason Levi came down here in the first place, was for some more reassurance. But now he’s here, and Erwin is sheepish and nervous, and quite clearly, he  needs the same. Levi sighs. Lifts his hand to palm at Erwin’s sides, stroking the skin there carefully. “Why?” he asks. Erwin shrugs again. “It’s silly,” he says, brushes it off with a small chuckle. “I don’t want to bother you with my overthinking. Go back to sleep, honey.” 

“Like I’ve done all fucking week? Kinda the least I can do, /honey./”

Erwin laughs again, this time, a tad more genuine. “Calming you is never a bother to me, Levi,” he says. He brings his hands up to cup either side of Levi’s head, draws them down over his crown, down to his  undercut, neck, shoulders. “You know this.”

Levi hums. Brings his other hand up too, to stroke at Erwin’s side. “Who says it’s a bother to me to do the same, huh? Spit it out,” he demands, one corner of his mouth pulling slightly when Erwin sighs in defeat.  “... It’s silly,” he trivialises again. “I’ve just worked up some anxiety about how tomorrow will go, I suppose. I uh…”

Erwin pauses then, and Levi looks up at him. He’s averting his gaze and biting his lip, and it tells Levi he’s not stopped talking to search for the right  words, but to try and collect himself. He pulls his husband in then, wraps his arms around him carefully as he sighs. Their cursed height difference makes for an insufficient angle, though - as much as Levi enjoys burying his face in Erwin’s chest, he wants to be the one holding  him close properly now. He presses a kiss against his chest. “Come. Bed, now,” he says, turning to pull Erwin after him before the man can protest.

They’re silent on their way back to the bedroom, and when Levi lays down, it’s Erwin who initiates their cuddling now. Levi’s not surprised. Nor does he hesitate to comply, shuffling in closer so his husband can rest his head against his chest. Levi holds him there, fingers carding through the man’s hair. “... You’re gonna be great,” he mumbles carefully. “Y’know that, right? She’ll love you.” 

Erwin sighs tiredly. Nuzzles his face against Levi’s chest, a childish demand for more affection, for Levi to touch him. It makes the shorter man snort, but he strokes his thumb over Erwin’s neck. “... I want this. I want it so bad but… what if I’m not fit for it, Levi?” 

Levi has to hold back from laughing, which he nearly fucking does. Because it honestly comes as a shock that out of all people, it’s Erwin fucking Smith who’s sitting here, worrying about not being a good father. But Levi doesn’t laugh - his husband is serious when he says what  he does, and he’s clearly worked up some real anxiety about this. “Y’know when I realised you were ready to become a dad? S’a few years ago now.”

“... No?”

Levi snorts at the memory. “When I came into your classroom and you’d bought those ugly-ass sandals.”  That earns him a small huff of laughter. “... Sandals, huh?”

“Mm. Y’know when I realised it again?”

“... Mh?”

“That time you started slapping the shit out of watermelons at the store to ‘check if they’re good.’ And then again that time you picked up baby socks right after.  And then again when your take-away from Nan’s babyshower was ‘we’re finally parents.’”

Erwin says nothing. Levi feels his heavy breath as it tickles his skin. “... I’d forgotten about that,” he says eventually. Pauses once more, long enough for Levi to hum a lazy affirmative.  “... But… those things don’t mean I’ll be good at… at… at /this,/ the real thing,” he says sheepishly.

Levi sighs. “Y’know, Erwin… for a smart guy you’re pretty fucking stupid. If you’re not fit for this, who is?” he asks. “What do you mean?” Erwin asks, genuinely lost.  He doesn’t move, and Levi keeps caressing his neck, presses a kiss to his stupid little head. “I /mean,/” he says. “Your kids- your /school/ kids, I mean, fucking adore you. There’s a reason they stick around for so long, even after class ends. You’re fucking… you’re kind,  you’re patient, you’re… fuck, you were made for this, Erwin. I’ve always thought that, so has everyone else. You’ve even grown into the stereotype, you cargo-shorts-loving fuck.”

Erwin huffs out a laugh. He presses a kiss to Levi’s chest, tender. But he doesn’t say anything. 

“... Look at me,” Levi says. And Erwin does. The shorter man cups his face then, his thumbs brushing over his cheekbones tenderly. “You were fucking made for this. You’ll be perfect. And those fuckers tomorrow decide that you’re not, I’ll sure as fuck let them know that.” 

Erwin looks at him. And when Levi’s words sink in, it’s visible. Because those bright, blue eyes soften into something tender, appreciative, and Levi spares no moment to lean in to kiss him carefully. “I love you,” he says. “I love you, and so will she. I promise.” 

“... Thank you,” Erwin whispers. “I love you, too. So much.”

And when Erwin falls into a deep, snoring sleep, Levi knows he’s reassured. 

When morning finally, finally comes, Levi feels heavy. Erwin must do too, he thinks, because the morning is quiet. They dress in silence, Levi shaves while Erwin cooks their breakfast. They hold hands in the car, and when they finally reach their destination, a small,  child care facility in Mitras, Levi lets out a long, trembling sigh. But Erwin is there, he’s with him, and that’s a comfort in itself. The social worker - the tormentor in Levi’s nightmares - is a small, happy woman with an official-looking notepad.  Her name is Petra, and she wishes them welcome with a huge smile on her face. Erwin takes care of most of the talking. They go through their info, the paperwork, and she leads them down the hallway, where kids run past them in childish hurry, in pursuit of each other in a game of  ‘it,’ Levi realises. They enter the room Petra leads them to - a big playroom with soft mats and toys scattered over the floors. “Just hang your coats over there,” she says, smiling, before letting them know she’ll go get Gabi.  She shuts the door behind her, and all the anticipation and tenseness is set alight within Levi, in all its nervous glory.

“... Nervous?” Erwin asks carefully, and Levi can’t help but glare at him, because what the /fuck/ does he think? His husband only chuckles in response  though, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I am too,” he whispers. And Levi hugs him, sighing.

They wait another few minutes. Levi’s bouncing both feet against the playmats, because the wait is fucking /unbearable./ 

His nervousness is at an alltime high, and Erwin’s must be too, because he’s not saying anything. They must look ridiculous where they sit, he thinks - propped down in childishly small chairs, and Levi halfway wants to crouch down to sit on the playmats -  maybe it’ll look more natural. He catches a glimpse of their reflection in the next moment, in the window opposite them, and just as he’d feared - yup. Ridiculous. Both of them look far too big for these small, plastic chairs - Erwin especially, sat with spread legs, elbows  digging into their thighs as they lean their chins in the palms of their hands. They’re sat in the exact same way, like two fearful business men, and the sight is laughable enough for Levi to do as he’d thought earlier and sit down on the floor.  Erwin’s just about to say something, he realises, but he never manages too. Because the door clicks open. And when Petra re-enters, her hand is holding another, far smaller one. 

Gabi’s hair is longer than it had been in the picture they’d been sent, reaching just above her shoulders. She’s dressed in a t-shirt and red, worn overalls, and at the sight of the two strange men on the opposite end of the room, she nervously tilts her head against Petra’s hip. 

At first, Levi freezes in a brief panic. Is she scared? She might be nervous, but is she intimidated? But then he takes another look, and he sighs as he sees that the girl is /smiling,/ biting her lip nervously to stifle it, for whatever reason. 

Levi looks over at Erwin, and his husband’s brows are raised in an expression of pure awe, gentle and sincere and wonderful, and when Levi looks back, Petra has crouched down by her, hand on the girl’s back.

“Gabi, this is Erwin and Levi,” she smiles carefully. 

“And Levi and Erwin, this is Gabi. She’s been very excited to meet you.”

Erwin lets out a huff of what Levi can only assume to be the beginning of a blissful, disbelieving laugh. Levi reaches over to squeeze his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Gabi,” Levi says, sounding just as  dazed and ridiculous as he feels. Gabi smiles at him, though she averts her eyes, her other hand brought up to rub at her cheek as if she’s trying to hide it. It’s a wonderful sight.

“I have-”

“Are you-”

Erwin pauses immediately as him and Gabi interrupt each other, and he  chuckles softly as the girl freezes. “I’m sorry, Gabi. What were you saying?”

“... Sorry,” the girl musters nervously, and suddenly her smile vanishes, nervousness washing over her little face as she clutches Petra’s hand. 

“Oh, it’s okay,” Erwin reassures, though, complying when Levi pulls on his pant leg to have him sit down beside him. Maybe it’ll make them seem a little less intimidating. “It’s okay. What were you going to say?” 

Gabi looks up at Petra, brows turned up nervously in this brief moment of insecurity. It’s like she’s lost for a little while, like she’s been reading out loud and suddenly lost her way in the heap of words on the page of a book. But Petra nods, encouraging. 

“Go on. It’s alright.”

“... I have my… my truck,” the girl continues carefully, still clutching at Petra’s side. “And… and if you wanna we… we can play with it. Maybe?”

“I’d love that,” Erwin says softly, just as encouraging as Petra had been.  “Levi would love to, as well. Do you wanna show us your truck?”

For the first time, Gabi musters up the courage to look at them. She’s still biting her lip, slightly nervous, before she nods, turns, determined in her steps as she finally bounces across the playmats in pursuit  of the heap of toys by the wall. “It- it’s here!” she says, rummaging through the pile of dolls and puzzles and legos before she finds it - a blue, hefty (very cool) toy truck.. “Here,” Gabi says quietly, holding it out.  She looks at them with anticipation as the two men approach, clearly nervous to hear their verdict. Obviously, it’s a positive one.

“That’s great!” Erwin smiles. “And that’s all yours? Wow.”

This seems to be the words needed for Gabi to come out of her shell entirely.  Because she nods eagerly, bouncing over to meet them halfway. “Yeah! And… and it’s- I picked it out on the… at the toy store,” she proudly explains as she sits down. “All by myself. And I bought it with my… my money that I made from my chores.” 

“You bought it all on your own? That’s incredible!” Erwin keeps encouraging, and Levi smiles. He’s beginning to feel a little emotional where he sits, watching as Gabi pushes the toy truck into his hands, so Erwin can feel the pure quality of it. 

“Y-yeah. And… and it even… it even makes a noise,” she says, snatching it back so she can show them. And sure enough - at the press of a button, the truck blinks and beeps as if it’s backing up, and needless to say, Levi and Erwin are beyond impressed. 

“You know what it looks like, a little bit?” Erwin asks, carefully bringing his hand down to drive the truck forward, experimentally. Gabi hums. “Levi’s truck, where he works. Doesn’t it, Levi?” Gabi’s mouth falls open in an awe-stuck expression, brown eyes wide as she looks over  to Levi, waiting for him to confirm. And Levi nods. “Mm, it does,” he says. “Though my one isn’t as cool as yours.”

“... You have… have a big one?” Gabi asks. “/For-for real?/” Levi chuckles carefully, scoots in closer. “Mm. You wanna see a picture?” Gabi nods eagerly,  propping her little hands up on Levi’s thigh too get a better view of the man’s phone, where he pulls up a picture of the small truck he uses in school. And Gabi shrieks in pure excitement. “Miss Petra!” she yells out, the excitement in her little voice beaming, so pure and  adorable Levi thinks he might melt. “H-he has a /real/ toy- I mean a- a /truck!/ Forreal!”

“Wow! What a match made in heaven,” Petra laughs from across the room, and although Levi has a sneaking suspicion Gabi isn’t quite sure what this means, she nods enthusiastically, still  supporting herself on Levi’s thigh as she jumps a little - the excitement of it all too much for her little body to handle. “Can I go in it one time?” she pleads, wide-eyed. “Please? Please?” 

“Of course you can,” Levi promises - not sure if that’s actually allowed, but fuck school guidelines - this kid, /his/ kid is /going/ in that truck if she so wants to. 

Shit, she can have a damn truck on her own if she wants that too, because Gabi is- she’s here, and emotion is claiming Levi’s body, and she’s everything he could have dreamed of, and how could anyone /ever/ bring a child - /his/ child, /his/ daughter, back? 

They spend the next hour or so playing. Gabi shows them all her toys - most of which, they learn, are cars and trucks and trains. Levi even gets to try on her clip-on bow while they have a pretend tea-party, in which Erwin and Gabi laugh so much Levi thinks he might burst with  love. And when it’s time for them to go, he hugs her tightly, promising that they’ll see her again soon, that he’ll bring her more photos of his truck.

They walk out of there happy, and once they’re back in the parking lot, Erwin kisses him carefully. When they part, all he  manages is an airy laugh, and Levi mirrors it - slapping his husband’s chest. “She’s amazing,” Erwin says, to which Levi nods. “She’s amazing, Levi, I- I can’t believe it.” 

“Yeah,” Levi agrees, leaning against him. “She’s fucking… she’s great. Truck enthusiast, too, wouldn’t have expected that.”

Erwin chuckles as he leans down to kiss him again, and Levi spares no moment to lean into it.  Petra gets back to Artur, who lets them know they’ve made a great first impression. Gabi was apparently over the moon after they left, asked when she could go ‘home,’ a fact which had made Levi need a moment to collect himself in Artur’s office. 

And after their second meeting, which happens in a following week (entailing Gabi excitedly asking Levi about his truck while they play with trains), they feel confident enough to start telling people about their plans to adopt. 

Nanaba and Miche are over the moon for them, and the next time they come visit, they bring over a red toy car as a gift. It becomes one of many - Levi smiles stupidly to himself when he picks one up himself at the store, and then another, and then  Erwin buys a set of them. Uri is ecstatic when they tell him and Kenny, sparing no moment to hug them both with congratulations. Kenny is a tad bit more sceptical, but he quickly warms up to the idea of it once he hears about the girl’s evident fascination with cars. 

They meet with Gabi again, this time in a park. Petra smiles as Erwin and Gabi play on the slides, and Levi spares no moment to pull his wallet out when they spot a coin-operated car ride for kids in a nearby shop. The meeting officially ends there, a few hours later,  but they decide to walk Petra and Gabi back to the children’s home, both of them holding one little hand each.

“Bye!” Gabi yaps once they get back, clinging to Erwin’s neck. “Bye, Gabi. We’ll see you soon, okay?” 

“Okay!” the girl smiles, and Levi squeezes Erwin’s hand as they make their way over to the door.

As always, Levi can’t seem to shake the smile Gabi’s presence seems to plaster to his face. Erwin notices -  he squeezes Levi’s hand to catch his attention as they make their way over to the car. “Okay?” he asks. Levi nods. “Mm.”

“I just wanna bring her home already,” the blonde says, patting down his pockets while the shorter man waits for him to unlock the car. 

“I don’t think I’ve eve- oh.”

“What?”

“Shoot. My jacket, I left it in there. The car keys.”

Levi snorts as he shakes his head. “Oh no,” he mocks. “Guess we’ll have to go back in there and see Gabi again. Subtle, Smith.” 

Erwin laughs loudly as he takes Levi’s hand again. “My master plan wouldn’t involve losing our car keys. But I suppose I’m not too upset.”

They make their way back inside, and not finding Petra anywhere, they assume she’s still in the playroom with Gabi. 

And she is. They both are.

They don’t need to open the door to tell. Because Gabi is crying. And Levi stops dead in his tracks.

“... But… but what if they /don’t,/” they hear her tremble, all previous happiness in the girl’s voice completely vanished.  “And- and then I have to go /here/ again, and…”

“They adore you, Gabi,” he hears Petra reassure. “They’re so excited to see you again, okay? I know it’s scary.” Gabi sniffles some. There’s a small thud of something falling over, or tumbling to the ground.  “B-but that’s what you said /last time,/” she whimpers. “And they didn’t like me, and… and then… and today I was too /loud,/ and that’s what they said too, and…” 

Erwin’s wide-eyed when he looks up at him, brows turned up in concern. And Levi can’t fucking blame him, because he can only assume what this is about - Gabi’s previous adopters, who changed their minds a few months in.  And… and although he supposes it’s only natural for her to have this worry, for her to be scared this will happen again, Levi’s heart fucking /breaks,/ because what does she mean /too loud?/ Is that what those previous fuckwads told her? 

“I-I don’t wanna be like that,” Gabi sobs then. “I w-want Er…Erwin and L-Levi to /like/ me /too-/”

Okay, absolutely not. Absolutely fucking not. 

Levi pushes past Erwin to open the door, and as if his poor old heart wasn’t broken already, it certainly is when he sees the state of Gabi now.  The girl’s cheeks are puffy and red, eyes bloodshot with tears, lids slightly puffy, and that’s his fucking kid, his child - or… or /potential/ kid, but she’s already his in Levi’s mind, and as if on instinct, he rushes forward. 

Gabi reaches out for him with a sob, and Levi nearly cries too as she clings to him. “Don’t think that,” he manages, cups the back of her head as she buries her face in his neck to cry. “Please don’t think that, ever. Okay?” 

Something shuffles to his right - Petra is standing up, Levi thinks, and he hears Erwin carefully explain that they forgot their keys as he too crouches down by him, one hand firm on Levi’s back, the other on Gabi’s own. 

“I-I wanna g-go with /you,/” Gabi sobs. Levi’s pretty close to sobbing, too. “You will,” he says. “We want you to come with us, too. So much.”

“Gabi… Is that what you’re worried about?” Erwin asks carefully. “That you’ll be sent back here?” 

Looking up, Gabi nods, breath hitching slightly as she palms at her cheek. Levi’s quick to dry her other one with his thumb. “Hey. Hey, that’s not gonna happen. Okay?” he says. “I promise you.”  Erwin nods in agreement. “If we could, we’d bring you home right this instant. It was gonna be a surprise, but… we already bought you some cars, you know.”

Levi hums, agreeing. “And… we got a room for you. When you come home, we can paint it together. That sound okay, kiddo?”  Sniffling a little, Gabi nods. She leans against Levi’s chest once more, and he can’t help but press a small kiss into her hair. “... We already love you. That’s not gonna change, no matter how loud you think you are. I’m telling you, Erwin’s pretty loud too. Huh?” 

At that, Gabi laughs a little - a small victory. Levi smiles faintly, though concern still lingers in his mind. He hugs her tighter. “And… I doubt those last people were as hyped up about trucks as you and I are. Huh? Do you?”

“N-no,” Gabi whimpers. 

“I don’t either,” Levi smiles. He tucks a wisp of brown hair back behind her ear. “And we’re not ever gonna send you back,” Erwin continues, still evidently concerned. “In our minds, you’re already a part of our family.” 

“P-promise?”

“I promise.”

Levi leans his head against Erwin’s shoulder, and when Gabi hugs him once, he spares no moment to pull her in.  When they leave again, it’s ruefully. They both make sure to hug the girl tightly before they go, once again reassuring her that everything is okay - that /she/ is okay. Petra thanks them at the door, to which they say ‘of course,’ because what else is there to fucking do?  They’re meant to be the kid’s parents, for fucks sake, of course they’re gonna comfort her if she’s sad, no matter what it’s about.

Levi is the one who drives them back. Erwin is too emotional to take the wheel himself, absentmindedly staring out of the window for the entire ride, only breaking out of his distant haze when Levi leans over to kiss him in their driveway.

The next day, Artur calls again. They’ve been approved. 

They can take Gabi home.

A few days later, they pick her up, all three of them fucking ectatic as they strap Gabi, their /kid,/ their fucking /daughter,/ officially, not potentially, their /official/ daughter, into the seat they’ve installed in the back.  And Gabi is excited and ecstatic as they show her around the house, show her her cars, her room.

It’s not difficult to decide on a colour for her walls. Gabi’s favourite colour is pink, and so pink it is - they spend the entire day painting the walls.  Gabi even gets a little brush of her own.

They buy bedsheets with cars on them. A train set and a carpet with cartoon roads on it, and if Gabi isn’t playing football with Levi in the garden or helping Erwin cook, she’s driving her toy truck down those grey, fuzzy roads. 

She’s nervous as she meets Uri and Kenny. But the taller and grumpier of the two suggests they go for a drive in his Jeep, and Gabi is more than happy. They get ice cream, and Uri braids her hair.

A social worker comes by for a check-up. 

For the first time, Gabi refers to Levi as ‘daddy.’ He tries his best not to cry in front of their visitor.

They go on trips to the duck-pond. They play on the swings in the park, go for ice cream on the weekends. 

One day, stars align, and Erwin and Gabi pick Levi up while he’s driving his truck. Gabi shrieks with joy as she plays with the wheel, on Levi’s lap.

Levi has been ‘daddy’ for a long while, but one day, over dinner, Gabi calls Erwin ‘papa’ out of nowhere.  Levi has to slap his back as the blonde chokes on his potatoes.

Gabi spends all day playing. She’s got heavy lids by dusk, responses diluted down to short hums and groans. Levi carries her to bed. Erwin comes with. 

They sit by her bedside then, and Levi carefully threads his fingers through her hair as she sleeps. It’s getting longer. He’ll have to take her to a hairdresser one of these days.  He turns his head to let Erwin know of this, only to find the other man breathing just as heavily beside him, head leaned against Gabi’s bed as he sleeps. Levi snorts. He decides not to wake him. Instead, he sits there, smiling faintly as he watches his little family.