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He felt numb. Numb to the pain. Numb to everything and everyone around him. Numb to the love... or what was left of it.
He watched as she strode over to him. That sweet, soft smile... always invigorating him; drowning him in her depths. Ironic; he was drowning, for sure, but for a totally different reason. One he hadn't seen coming, nor ever expected to meld into reality. Or at least, his reality.
Seeing her smile – that smile that wasn't for him – he ached to run. To escape it all, everything he held dear and resented. 'But' – you say – 'he's a monk... a pacifist' – you reason – 'he shouldn't resent anything'.
A fair argument.
But you see, there's one thing the entire world forgets when they crush his heart: he's just a kid. He's barely thirteen, and yet he has lost his people, lost multiple battles, and now, even after freeing the world from further chaos and suffering... he could not prevent his own.
He was just a kid – and now, a suffering one.
"Well," she spoke, "it's time for me to leave."
'Don't leave me.' He wanted to beg. 'Please.'
He tried his best to plaster on an encouraging smile, one that stated 'It's alright. I'll be alright.' The problem was: he didn't want to lie.
But he did anyways.
He donned the fakest of smiles so well, that bystanders would've thought he never even loved her in the first place. 'If he did' – they would argue – 'he wouldn't be so casual about it, he'd fight for her'.
What they failed to understand however, was that the same thirteen-year-old kid they ridiculed, was more mature and disciplined when it came to the subject of love and selflessness than they had thought. They expected him to throw a tantrum like a toddler, to complain, to cry his eyes out until they fell out of their sockets – he would weep later, sure, though, after she had left. He wouldn't weep in her presence. No. She didn't deserve it; she didn't deserve his tears. She didn't deserve to see the pure embodiment of his selfless, unrequited love for her trailing down his face – not if she could leave him so easily.
"I'll miss you, Aang."
She embraced him – his arms barely held onto her. He wanted to embrace her fiercely, to hold her in such a way that one simple message was conveyed with ease: 'don't leave me. I don't want to let you go.'
She pulled back and smiled at him again. A sight that would normally bring life to his grief-stricken spirit now only caused it to flutter... painfully. Such a beautiful smile. So full of love.
Love... but not for him.
Love... for the man who wrapped his arm around her shoulder when she pulled back. The man who she turned in the arms of to kiss softly. The man who she wore that lovely grin for. The man who only a few weeks ago she claimed to hate, but now was madly in love with.
"We have to go," he whispered to her.
She nodded and glanced back at the boy whose heart was faintly pounding on his sleeve. She could've pulled him in and checked his pulse. Worried, she could've remained by his side.
But she didn't.
"I hope you don't forget me," her angelic voice spoke – once a safe haven, now a thorn continuously prodding him.
He had returned to the Fire Nation in the hopes of falling into her arms. He hoped that she would kiss him. That she would tell him she loved him. That she would say she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
To be fair, she did all that, but he wasn't the recipient.
It was Zuko.
He was the recipient of that sweet smile. He was the recipient of her soft kisses. He was the recipient of her radiating love.
Zuko was the boy she loved, not Aang.
So, as she turned back around and climbed aboard the ship, leaving for the Fire Nation, her head never leaving Zuko's shoulder the entire time, Aang felt his heart skip a couple beats.
She was leaving him. She was really leaving him.
He had hoped she would turn back around and claim that she couldn't leave him. That she couldn't possibly continue living a life that didn't include him. That she needed him.
But she didn't...
Watching the ship leave the shores, the new 'forbidden lovers' sharing another kiss, he finally wept. All numbness left him. The goodbyes of his friends beside him were blocked out. Suki's hand resting on his shoulder, attempting to comfort him, didn't do much. Sokka's words of encouragement and reassurance, never reverberated in his head. Toph being vulnerable and holding his hand, trying to tell him she knew how he felt after witness the love between Sokka and Suki – she tried to tell him, he never received the message.
All he felt, all he could comprehend, was his love for her slowly running down his cheek. And all he saw, through watery eyes, was Katara leaving him with a smile on her face.
After several failed attempts to get him back home, the one they shared in Ba Sing Se, the three friends eventually retreated without him – deciding it was best he be left alone for a while. So, he could grieve his loss.
As the tears continued falling, he thought about all their experience together, all their moments, all the looks and hug and kisses. He thought about the fact that she claimed to be his family, yet she so easily left her family for a boy she apparently hated a few weeks ago. He grew angry, then it faded.
In that moment, he made a promise to himself: 'I will get through this.'
This was his first love, but it didn't have to be his last. No. He refused to let her break him. He would move on, like she had. He would not become sad and pathetic, instead, he would find someone he could love just as fiercely, if not more. This would not be the end. Smiling somewhat at himself, he snapped his glider open and returned to Appa to alert his friends:
All of a sudden, for an unexplainable reason, Aang had an urge to visit the Northern Water Tribe.
She felt exhilarated, and hopeful. Seeing him, seeing Aang... it always filled her with enthusiasm and caused her heart to flutter with love. And as she walked through the Northern Water Tribe, she finally saw him after years of separation.
Aang.
Tall, muscular and handsome. As she eyed him quite bashfully, she couldn't help but stare at his light beard. She liked his beard. At first glance, Aang seemed like a completely different person compared to the boy she travelled the world with. She wondered if he was still the same sweet, compassionate and goofy airbender she was in love with. However, just as she had that thought, in came that smile.
Katara blushed.
'That damn smile of his' – she thought.
That same heart-warming smile tugging at his soft, pink lips. Those same strikingly sexy blue arrows marking him, making him stand out even amongst the largest of crowds – especially now since he was among the Northern folk.
Katara blushed again.
There he was... Aang. An twenty-year-old Aang – not the same boy she had last seen that day at the docks in Ba Sing Se. Watching him now, smiling, greeting and laughing with strangers as he passed by – Tui and La, she wondered why she had made that awful mistake all those years ago. Why had she abandoned him? Why had she ignored his affection for her?
Love – was her original answer.
However, now, even that reasoning felt inadequate. By all means, she was a teenage girl who was madly in love with a rather handsome prince. He had all the perks she saw in Jet, but he had also redeemed himself. Zuko was the boy of her dreams; tall, dashing, muscular... though, she did hate the guy at first. However, once she got to know him properly after they tracked down Yon Rah, she realised that they had some things in common. And so, her attraction towards him was free to roam wild – no longer confined by the idea of him betraying her again. He had changed, and in no time, Katara realised that she had fallen in love with teenager, especially after he took Azula's lightning bolt for her.
That day was the day she told him how she felt. It was also the day they first kissed.
Looking back at it now, she recognised, that day – while being celebrated as the day Ozai's regime was defeated – was also the beginning of the end: for her, her relationship with Aang, and any chance they had to be together in the future.
Looking back at it now, all she felt was regret.
When they arrived in Ba Sing Se for the Earth King's celebrations, Katara announced her relationship with Zuko, and sealed the deal with a kiss on that balcony. She didn't realise at the time that Aang had caught them, it was only after Sokka told her that she felt bad. By no means did she think she was in wrong – because she wasn't; she could be in a relationship and love whoever she wanted to. No, that wasn't the reason. In fact, she felt bad because she knew how hurt Aang had been seeing her and Zuko together.
When she hugged him and waved goodbye that day at the docks, she sensed that he was trying to steel himself. To put up a façade for her happiness; Katara knew that Aang wouldn't allow his sadness or bitterness to ruin her day.
She both loved and resented him for it.
She loved how thoughtful and selfless the boy was. Yet, she hated it at the same time as it made her feel guilty for being with Zuko. Still, she didn't do anything about it. Why?
Because she was in love.
Again, that reasoning now was not enough – especially since that 'love' had transformed into a barely undetectable indifference between the two. At first, it was great. They were happy, satisfied, and so, so in love. Then... the arguing began, jealousy ran rampant, then loneliness reared its ugly head – neglect was the icing on the cake. Needless to say, it all fell apart.
At the end of the road, all she found was unhappiness and regret. Their love had fizzled out. The spark was dead... and there were no children to revitalise their supposedly intertwined hearts.
Staring at Aang now, grinning widely at his joyful expression, she should've known: a love born out of attraction and a newly formed yet weak friendship, would lead to nothing but separation. She should've known that Fire and Water do not mix well together.
Of course, they make the argument: 'Fire and Water creates Steam'. Immediately, their hormonal minds take over and ransack every discussion, using sex and attraction as an excuse to break his heart.
However, they always forget to ask: 'What happens when there's no fuel to burn the fire, no water left to supply... what happens when all that steam disappears somewhere between the Sky and the Sea?'
They remain speechless – or they make excuses, claiming it wouldn't happen, but it does. It always does.
And now, watching him spot her from afar, turning to her and offering her that same goofy smile that made her feel like she was the only entity worth worshipping in the world – like it did all those years ago – Katara realised: she regretted it.
All that time spent with Zuko.... She wouldn't have regretted it if it had cost her nothing – but it had. And originally, she thought she was willing to pay the price.
She still was.
Grinning at him while he smiled at her, Katara recognised that she was more than willing to pay the price. If she got the chance to run into his arms again, she would pay. If she got the chance to kiss him passionately, she would pay. If she got the chance to tell him how wrong she was all those years ago, she would pay. If she got the chance to convey exactly how much she loved him, adored him, lived for him... she would pay.
She, however, had miscalculated.
Katara understood that perfectly when Aang approached the woman beside him. She watched in complete shock as the woman took off her hood, thus revealing her dazzling white hair. Katara watched in complete disbelief as the beautiful and erotic princess snuggled into his chest. She watched Yue smile up at him, holding something, or some 'things' between their two heaving chests.
Although her brother and Yue did have a connection in the beginning, it soon fizzled out as they realised that Sokka was in fact in love with Suki. After the failed siege on the Northern Water Tribe, Yue wanted to accompany Sokka, Katara and Aang on their journey, but her father would not allow it. After a teary-eyed goodbye, and promises of later visits, Katara, Aang and Sokka left the North with a heavy heart.
Though, Katara never would've guessed that Yue wouldn't be married off immediately by her father, much less the idea that she'd be the one who'd soon have Aang's heart.
And after getting a long glance at the betrothal necklace with the water and air insignias carved into the precious, orange gemstone, Katara had no choice but to accept the fact that she was too late. She had messed up. She had missed her chance. And now, Yue had what she could've, but Yue probably deserved it more than Katara ever could.
That broke her heart.
She watched with watery eyes as Aang leaned down and Yue stood on her tiptoes, ready to kiss him passionately, which they did – exactly how Katara imagined Aang and her would. She watched with great sadness as they pulled apart, and they turned around to face Katara, waving and smiling as they approached her. She watched with remorse and horror as they grinned at her, surprising her by revealing the two babies wrapped up in orange and blue blankets that they held in their arms – Aang holding their tan skinned daughter, and Yue holding their fair toned son.
It was then that Katara realised: she had already paid the price; Aang was the price – she had lost him.
And now he was once again happy.
Katara grimaced as he smiled and laughed... because he did neither things for her anymore. She grimaced as his eyes sparkled with unparallel and unquestionable love... love that was for Yue... and their children.
A fierce and soul-shattering love. A love that was not for her.
In that cruel moment, Katara realised exactly what she had given up all those years ago, she realised the true cost of the price she had unknowingly paid and had to keep paying, she realised exactly how Aang must've felt that day at the docks. Only for Katara, it was much worse; she knew there was no hope for them now.
After that day, Katara hadn't regretted anything more in her life.