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{Black. Silence, except for the sound of cars driving past. An artsy beginning. And then, as if someone had said ‘Let there be light’, large blocked letters, outlined with stars, burst out of the darkness. When they reach the front of the screen, light extends out of them, filling the screen with a purple tinged space.
BEACH CITY’S UNIVERSE: A STEVEN RETROSPECTIVE
Filmed and interviews by Connie Maheswaran
Intro sequence by Sour Cream, Sadie, and Kiki Pizza}
{The first interview subjects are a short, curvy woman with blonde hair and a smile on her face, and a dark skinned, tall man with orange hair, and a seemingly permanent frown adorned on his. Both stand in front of the best donut place in town, the Big Donut. They are SADIE and LARS.}
SADIE: What do I think about Steven? Where do I start?
LARS (disparagingly): Heh, I’ll say.
(SADIE elbows him.)
LARS: Hey!
SADIE: Steven’s great. I’ve always seen him around town, waved hi, cooed over him when he was a cute pudgy baby...
LARS: Sure, he was cute. Until he started biting your fingers!
SADIE (stage whispering): He’s just jealous he wasn’t a cute baby, and that I was always Steven’s favorite.
LARS: I was the cutest baby! And Steven likes me best!
(A pause.)
LARS (flustered, turning away): N-not that I care if he does! I’m just so awesome that everyone likes me best!
(SADIE rolls her eyes affectionately.)
SADIE: Anyway, like I said, we saw him around, but I don’t think either of us really got a chance to talk to him beyond ‘Hey, little guy’ until we got started at Big Donut. He was there our very first day. Our very first customer.
LARS: Yeah, annoying us straight from the get go.
(SADIE readies elbow, LARS puts his hands up.)
LARS: Okay, okay!
SADIE: Steven was our first customer. And he’s always kinda been the best. People can be the worst when it comes to service jobs. They act so entitled, like you’re just a donut making machine, and if you make one mistake they get on your a-... butt. Steven’s not like that. He’s always been the most patient little guy. And more than that, he doesn’t mind shooting the breeze, you know? He talks to you and he listens to you, and he… he cares. He listens like you’re the only person in the world. He lets me vent about bad days, and he always has my back.
LARS: Can’t get him off mine. Hey, hey! No elbow! I just mean… yeah. Even when you tell him to leave you alone, he doesn’t. He helps you anyway, gets past your armor. Even when you screw up, he forgives you like, three minutes later. ..Gets past other people’s armor, I mean. He…
(LARS pauses, as if recalling something, looking slightly off to the distance.)
LARS: He sees beauty in everything. Everything. From donuts to moss to even jerks like…
(LARS stops, eyes widening, like he’s caught himself in something he doesn’t want to say out loud. He retracts, flushing.)
LARS: ...Even jerks.
(SADIE looks at him in understanding, like she knows.)
SADIE: ...I’ve always wanted a little sibling. I think Steven’s that sibling. I think he’s that sibling to the entire town. The sibling you want to protect. The sibling who just wants to make you happy. Who always listens even when he doesn’t understand. That’s Steven. And I think… I think that’s why we all love him.
(SADIE smiles, and there’s even a trace of one on LARS’ face. Cut to next subject.)
{The next interview subject is PEEDEE FRYMAN, taking a break from his family’s fry stand. He’s a blonde boy with wavy hair that kinda looks like steak fries- come to think of it, his whole family has frylike hair… that’s kind of a funny coincidence, huh? They’re fry makers named Fryman with fry hair. I mean, what are the odds of tha-... Ahem. A-anyway. The interview commences.}
PEEDEE: Steven? I don’t really know what to say, I mean he’s… Steven, ya know? Nothing like him.
What do you mean by that?
PEEDEE: I mean… when you think of a kid, you think Steven. I’m a kid and I still think of Steven before I think of me. He’s just pure energy. He’s always moving, always smiling, always laughing. He sweeps across town and just lifts everyone else with him. It’s… kinda inspiring.
How so?
(PEEDEE pauses, considering his words.)
PEEDEE:...I don’t know the whole story. Nobody does. But we’re not blind, you know? I was attacked by Frybo when I first hung out with him! You don’t just forget that! Even when you wish you could, heh. That was the strangest day of my life. But Steven… with the Gems, that’s just an ordinary day for him. He’s going through a lot. But he just… he keeps smiling anyway.
(PEEDEE pauses again, obviously lost in memory.)
PEEDEE: That day was also one of my worst. Everything just hit me at once. Life felt like it was always getting tougher. Just more responsibility in exchange for less fun. You get by but you can’t get happy. I didn’t… I didn’t know how people could be so happy like that. And then… then came Steven. Risks his life, gets hurt, gets yelled at, loses TV privileges- I heard about that, tough luck, man, but you missed so many good episodes of Dog Court, get ready for a binge watch now that you get TV back.
I know, right!? I can’t believe Dogson-
PEEDEE: Yeah! And Dogna hooked up with-
Shhh! We can’t spoil him!
PEEDEE: Right, right! ...Where was I?
Then came Steven?
PEEDEE: Right. Then came Steven. He gets knocked down, but he gets up again. With an even bigger smile on his face. He’s seen more than me, but somehow… he smiles anyway. He gets more responsibility, but he still finds the fun. He gets by… but he just gets happier. When things get tough, when it seems like things can only get worse… I think of Steven. Of how he always finds the beauty in it all, even the bad. And I just… I feel better. ...He’s inspiring.
...Yeah. He is.
(PEEDEE is silent for a moment. Then he smiles teasingly.)
PEEDEE: The fry bit thing is still kinda weird though, pal.
(Cut to next subjects.)
{The next subjects are informally known as ‘The Cool Kids’, since… well. They’re really, really cool. The always fashionable JENNY PIZZA, earrings glittering in the sun: SOUR CREAM, slick blonde hair pointing to the sky: and BUCK DEWEY, sunglasses cooly shielding his eyes. So. Cool. A-anyway, they’re standing in front of Jenny’s car, clearly eager to answer any and all Steven questions.}
JENNY: Yeah, Steven? Steven’s a cool kid.
SOUR CREAM: Way cool.
BUCK: The coolest kid. It’s an achievement, since there’s like, a lot of cool kids. Including us. So we should know.
JENNY: Steven’s like, a party in human form. But not like, a wild party, with way too loud music and people you barely know and that kinda tense atmosphere of ‘Am I having enough fun? Am I being cool enough?’. He’s like a cool party, with your friends. All fun and loose and… home feely, you know?
SOUR CREAM: He brings such a good vibe, man. I could rave to him anytime.
BUCK: He’s the perfect counterpart to our cynical worldview.
JENNY: You used that line already, Buck.
BUCK: Yeah?
JENNY: Yeah.
BUCK: Oh. It’s not as easy as you think, placing in stoic, spaced out meaningful one-liners.
JENNY: There’s just something about him. Anywhere he goes he just… brightens it up. He makes people happy. And that’s a quality people don’t pay enough attention to.
SOUR CREAM: And that’s despite what he goes through. I thought my life was tough, but Steven… he’s just a kid, but he’s facing aliens and leaving Earth and stuff. He has every reason to be in a bad mood, but I seriously don’t know if I’ve ever seen him in one. If he even knows bad moods exist, you know?
BUCK: I think he knows. I think he’s had bad moods and bad times. But that doesn’t stop the good ones. Like, the opposite. It makes them better. He got through the rough spots and now he’s at the soft spots and when you do that, the soft spots seem softer. When there’s bad in your life, the good just seems better. And that makes even the bad stuff good in a way. It’s all life. And Steven loves life. And every part of life he gets through, even the bad stuff… just makes him smile harder. Because for something to get bad, it had to be good, right? For you to get sad, you had to be happy first. Steven gets that, I think. He loves life, even when it’s tough.
(There’s a silence, as everyone stares at BUCK in thought. He shrugs. Cut to next subject.)
{ONION stands before a pier. His face is as stoic and unchanging as stone. His eyes pierce into the camera. He is, as always, indescribable. And kinda creepy.}
So uh… how did you and Steven meet?
(ONION continues to stare.)
Okay, uh… what has Steven done for you?
(More quiet staring.)
...Um… what do you think of Steven?
(ONION remains the same. Then, slowly, a thumb comes up, and he nods once approvingly. Cut to next subjects.)
{KIKI PIZZA, a teen with black hair sensibly tied up in a bun, and NANAFUA PIZZA, an elder with kindly glasses and a mischievous twinkle in her eye, take a break from the kitchen of Fish Stew Pizza, the best pizza place around, to answer some questions.}
KIKI: Steven’s a great kid. Probably our best customer. Respectful, funny, frequent, appreciates my puns…
JENNY PIZZA (from off screen, still in the kitchen herself): Your puns are terrible, Kiki!
KIKI: You just don’t… punderstand!
(JENNY groans loudly)
KIKI: See, Steven would’ve laughed. He’s a good kid.
NANAFUA: Yes, Steven is the sh-
(KOFI , KIKI’s father and NANAFUA’s son, rushes out of the kitchen, hair still in a net.)
KOFI: Mother!
NANAFUA: What? He is.
KOFI: You can’t say such words in front of a child!
NANAFUA (smirking mischievously): What? Shine? He is the shine of the town, wouldn't you think?
KOFI:...Oh. Well.
(KOFI faces the camera)
KOFI: Child! Connie, is it?
Yes, sir?
KOFI: You know what I like best about Steven? He orders pizza instead of distracting my employees!
Oh, actually, I was going to order some right after the interview!
(Kofi hums agreeably.)
KOFI: Okay. But make sure to praise my restaurant!
Like saying it has the best pizza I’ve ever tasted?
KOFI: Exactly! I like you! I like Steven as well! He’s a good boy. Respectful. He dedicates himself to making things right when he’s made mistakes, and for caring for the smaller people. You respect a person like that.
NANAFUA: Steven is a perfect representation of my hope for this generation.
Oh yeah?
NANAFUA: Oh yes. Now, don’t listen to the whiny old men and the critical teenagers. Growing old isn’t so bad. You get to take things easy again. People give you respect. You can mess with them, and nobody says anything!
(She giggles, a friendly, fun sound that you just have to smile to.)
NANAFUA: But when you get old, you can get set in your ways. Grudges can crystallize, harden. You cannot see the way to reconciliation because you are blinded by all the bitterness. Steven is a bridge. He cannot see the point of blaming someone, of hating someone, when you can fix things with them instead. And that is the kind of child that will change things.
KOFI: So! Will you buy some pizza now?
Sure! I’d like a-
(JENNY bursts in front of the camera.)
JENNY: Docu-bomb!
KOFI: Jenny! You are supposed to be running the kitchen!
KIKI: You already got to be in the documentary, Jenny!
JENNY: I can’t help it if the world deserves more of me in front of a camera!
(The scene dissolves into yelling. NANAFUA chuckles. Cut to next subject.)
{RONALDO FRYMAN, the guy behind Keep Beach City Weird, tips his trademark fedora in respect.}
RONALDO: Steven is my first and foremost ally against the invisible forces that seek to change and/or conquer the earth. He sees while others close their eyes. He believes! He’s like the Scully to my Mulder! Only he believes right away! ..And there’s no romantic tension. Obviously. And when the diamond people enact their plan and brainwash the populace, it will be Steven who stands with me, against the forces of war. We will reveal the secret conspiracy of pizza and aliens- seriously, how had nobody noticed the correlation before, it’s so-
(This uh… goes on a while. Let’s just cut to the next subject.)
{MAYOR DEWEY. You know the guy. He drives that truck with his face on it? You guys have a weird mayor.}
DEWEY: Oh, Steven? Uh, sure, he’s okay, I-... Wait, is Steven a hot button issue? I mean, I take a hardline against all Stevens! I swear that so long as I am mayor, you need not worry about the danger of Stevens! So vote for Mayor Dewey!
...People like Steven.
DEWEY: They do? Er… Steven is a paragon of our city! A fine reflection of the generation we- and we including, obviously, I, your mayor- have fostered, especially me, the mayor, since I led the fostering. If you want more fostering of this wonderful child and other Stevens like him, vote for Mayor Dewey!
(DEWEY takes out a VOTE FOR DEWEY button and serves it in front of the camera.)
DEWEY: Here! Have a button! I’m Mayor Dewey and I endorse this message! And this button! And Stevens everywhere!
(Seriously. So weird. Next subject.)
{This subject is a man of the theatre, fresh off his star-making roles of Buddy, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl in Beach City or Bust: The Tale of William Dewey. Unfortunately, this interviewer didn’t get to see it, since a certain mom said she was too busy to drive all the way down just for a show. ...The interviewer understands, Mom, love you. In any case, it was apparently awesome. Despite his success and new position as Lead Director of Beach City Community Theater, he still has the humility to talk to the little people. The one, the only, Jamie the postman stands outside, intercepted on one of his routes. He schools his face, getting into a role.}
JAMIE {melodramatically}: Sir Steven? Lo! What a man is he! A purer heart I have never seen-
{The interviewer giggl- lets out a professional, controlled chuckle.}
It’s a documentary film, Jamie.
JAMIE {teasing}: Ooooooh. Well, I’m always a supporter of film of any kind. And especially when it’s for a good and Steven-y cause.
So when did you first meet Steven?
JAMIE: On one of my routes. I’m a mailma- well, more accurately, I am an actor who occasionally delivers mail to those who need it. To supplement my income. But who’s to say delivering mail makes you a mailman, and a mailman alone? Is a man only defined by his occupations? Should he not be defined by his passions, his dreams?
{He puts one hand on his chest, while clenching the other dramatically.}
...So… Steven?
JAMIE: Right, right. Sorry. Steven was always the nicest guy on my stop. Always making small talk with me. I guess that’s what I’ve always appreciated about Steven. He’s never seen me as just a mailman. Even then.
What do you mean?
JAMIE: I mean… when I came back from…
{He stops, as if dwelling on memories he’d rather forget. The name comes out as a sneer.}
JAMIE: Kansas… Steven was really supportive. You were too, Connie! But I mean, the film’s for Steven-
No, no, keep going, I know. This is for Steven, not me.
JAMIE: Right. So like I was saying. He’s always supported me. Nobody forced him to. He doesn’t have to. He’s a kid with his own life. But he does. Like he never even considered the possibility of doing otherwise. I brought out flyers for my show asking people to audition. And he was the only one who came. Did you know that? And he cared about that play just as much as I did. He worked with me to make it the best it could be, and I’ll never forget that. He’s a great kid, and a great friend. He’s my Mercutio, my Adric, my Robin!
{He pauses.}
JAMIE: Only hopefully without the death!
{He gets extra dramatic, starting to bring it home.}
JAMIE: He is a child who holds no malice in his heart! No… He is no child. He is a man. He may struggle, but he never stops believing in his fellow man! He may stumble, but he shall rise again! He is a hero! He! Is! Steven!
{He bows his head. The interviewer claps.}
JAMIE: Thank you, thank you.
{Curtain down. End scene. Cut to black. Insert movie and/or theatre term here. Cut to next subject.}
{The next interview subject is LION. He is a pink.. lion. Yeah. Obviously.}
Do you think Steven is a true Beach City hero?
(He blinks. He blinked once! That means yes!)
Is Steven not the coolest person around?
(He scratches himself. A no!)
Off topic for a moment. Do you like me?
(He blinks again! He likes me! He really likes me!)
Back on topic. Do you like Steven?
(Prepare yourself, viewers. This may wreck your heart, as it did this interviewer's. This is your warning. If your heart suffers from meltage, the crew takes no responsibility. But LION purrs. There is a gasp from the interviewer, and then a loud d’awww, but can you blame me? There may also be a slight sound of tears, but… let’s just cut to the next subject.)
{GREG UNIVERSE, car washer, local performer and devoted father of Steven, stands in front of his workplace, It’s a Wash, scratching the back of his head.}
GREG: What do I think of Steven? He’s… my kid. He’s Steven.
And what does it mean to be Steven?
GREG: ...That me and his mom named him Steven?
(I sigh, and he hurries to placate me.)
GREG: Lemme think, lemme think. Steven… Steven is… the greatest kid I know. No offence, Connie.
None taken.
GREG: And yeah, I’m probably biased, because, you know. Dad. But I don’t care. Steven’s the greatest kid in the universe, and that’s just a fact. Like the sun going down at night, or how Lil’ Butler totally went downhill in the seventh season. Just ask Amethyst.
Actually, technically the sun doesn’t go down, the earth is just-
GREG (fondly): Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, little egghead. He just… wants to help people. Make them happy. He’s gone through way more than I did when I was a kid, but he still… believes in people, you know? In Earth. He’s the kind of kid you can be proud of, and...and I am. So proud. Steven’s the best thing I’ve ever done with my life. And sometimes I worry. ...Okay, all the time I worry. That’s just a parent thing. But I worry because I care, more than anything, not because I don’t believe Steven can take on anything. Steven’s going to change things. Steven already has. And he’s just a kid. When he’s my age…
(GREG whistles.)
GREG: Steven’s Steven. And that means he’s happy, and kind, and supportive, with a giant smile on his face and an even bigger heart in his chest. And bias or not, he’s the greatest kid in the universe. And that’s just a fact. There’s no one else like you, kid. I love ya.
(Cut to next subjects)
{The next subjects are Steven’s caretakers, the Crystal Gems. PEARL is on the beach, taking in the quiet beach sound. AMETHYST is leaning on the house porch, as relaxed and loose as ever. GARNET sits in a dining room chair, steady stare in place. They were not interviewed at the same time, but with movie magic, the footage has been spliced to switch from one to the other as needed, to produce the greatest emotional effect.}
PEARL: Is this for some sort of ‘school’ project of yours, Connie?
No, it’s Steven’s birthday present.
(PEARL is immediately more interested. AMETHYST grins, impressed. GARNET nods in approval).
PEARL: You’re going all this way for his present? Oh, I bet he’ll just love it!
AMETHYST: Dude, that’s so cool! Nobody makes a movie about me! Unless you count that time I was Dogcopter. Want me to be Dogcopter for your movie?
(AMETHYST shapeshifts into DOGCOPTER, hero of a generation and America’s darling.)
AMETHYST: Steven is the bomb.
(AMETHYST imitates the sound of one of DOGCOPTER’s trademark rear missiles, and cackles.)
GARNET: Hit me.
What do you think of Steven?
PEARL: He’s wonderful.
AMETHYST (back in her usual ‘form’): He’s a cool little guy. Next!
GARNET: Steven is Steven.
Can you elaborate?
PEARL: I can try, but… I don’t know if anyone has a choice in loving Steven. I think you just do. I know I just do.
AMETHYST: ...Steven’s better than he thinks, you know? But he doesn’t really see that. Even on his best days, he’s too focused on seeing how great everything else is. And on his bad days… he thinks he’s useless. That everyone else is so much better than him. And it just makes me want to grab him and just… (Amethyst raises her hands, and shakes them up and down dramatically) just shake him, you know, because dude! You’re the best!
GARNET: Steven is Steven. And Steven is good.
What makes Steven so great?
PEARL: I suppose a better question would be what doesn’t. ...Well, his cleaning habits do leave something to be desired… and he puts himself in a little too much danger for my liking… And he insists on wearing the same shirt every day!
...Don’t you do that?
PEARL: That’s different! ...But anyway. There are so many great qualities of Steven it’s hard to begin. There could be an entire list of his great qualities. And luckily…
(PEARL summons a scroll of paper into her hands.)
PEARL: There exists such a list. For extreme emergency cases of low self-esteem. It pays to be prepared. Ahem. Steven is kind, loving, supportive…
AMETHYST: Is everything a good answer, or? Fine, fine. Lots of things make Steven great. But what the little guy doesn’t get is what really makes him great isn’t his potential. Even if there’s a huge amount of potential.
PEARL: His humor, his smile, his heroism…
AMETHYST: It isn’t his shield. Even if that shield is way awesome.
PEARL: The twinkle in his eye when he sees you in the morning, the excessive concern he has when he sees you make the slightest frown, how he builds bridges between us…
AMETHYST: It’s not even his cooking. Even if it is muy magnifico.
PEARL: How he looks at you as if you’re… you’re worth it, as if you are his hero, as if you are his… confidant…
AMETHYST: It’s his heart. It’s keeping us together when nobody else can. Knowing someone always has your back, always cares, is always on your side. How he can just up and decide to run away with you just because you asked and hey, it’ll be fun. It’s how he puts his faith in you and somehow… somehow you can meet that faith. For him.
PEARL: ...And finally… how he is absolutely, irreversibly, perfectly… Steven. And really… what more is there to say?
AMETHYST: ...You’re so much more than just that gem in your belly, Steven. And you’re… you’re worth it. And if you ever feel you’re not, come uh… c-come see me, alright? Cause I’d do anything for you and stuff, and uh… c-crud, can we… can we cut all that out? It was so hokey.
(At some point, AMETHYST had teared up.)
...I think that was beautiful.
AMETHYST: Yeah? ...Okay. You can keep it then.
GARNET: Steven is Steven. Steven can look at anything and see its worth. Steven will go up to an enemy and try to make peace, just because he has to believe in another way. Steven will give everything he have for you, because it never occurs to him he can give less. Steven has saved and will save all our lives. Steven is everything. Steven is my hero. I see so many things. I see terrible things. Threats to us all. To the universe. But I’m not afraid.
...Because you see Steven saving us?
GARNET: No. Because I believe he will save us. I can see the particles beneath your skin. I see all the possibilities that can be and will be. But I believe in one thing above all else. I believe in Steven.
PEARL: I believe in Steven.
AMETHYST: I believe in ya, dude.
(More movie magic; we cut to the previous subjects, splicing their scenes together.)
SADIE: We believe in Steven!
(Lars mumbles something instead, face red. SADIE elbows him.)
LARS: We believe in Steven! O-or whatever.
PEEDEE: I believe in Steven.
COOL KIDS: We believe in Steven!
(ONION just stares, thumb still up.)
PIZZA FAMILY: We believe in Steven!
KOFI: And come to Fish Stew Pizza!
JENNY: Ugh, Dad! Don’t be hokey.
KOFI: What?
RONALDO: I just want to believe. In Steven. ...Get it, that was a X-Files ref-
We got it.
RONALDO: Seriously, I believe in you! So believe in the me that believes in you! See, that was another-
We get it, Ronaldo!
MAYOR DEWEY: Believe in Mayor Dewey! Vote for Dewey at your next local election! Because he believes in… Stevens, right? Yeah! He believes in Stevens!
JAMIE: I believe in you, Steven!
(LION roars. That means ‘I believe in Steven’. Probably.)
GREG: I believe in Steven. Rock on, kiddo.
(Cut to the final subject.)
{The camera shuffles, turning to face the close face of its handler… me, Connie Maheswaran. I’m under me and Steven’s favorite tree, on our favorite hill.}
Hi, Steven. I uh… happy birthday! I hope it’s going great over there in the future! This is… it’s your present! You know, I thought about getting you a book, but… you deserve more than that. ...More than just that. ...I got you the first in the Bowlworld series. You’ll love it, they’re so funny, and-... wait, did you open this one first? Future Connie, do not let Steven open this one first! It ruins the surprise and really, a book after this would be a little anti-climatic. ...Where was I? Right! This present. I… I know it might be a little weird, o-or much, but… what you told me after you got back from space. You didn’t seem to know how much we need you. How much I need you. Steven, you’re… you’re my best friend. My first one. I talk to you for one minute and I grin for days. I used to feel so… so alone, but now, with you, I… I don’t. I used to think those perfect friendships they show in books and TV and stuff, you know, the… the Sherlocks and Watsons, the Leslies and the Anns, the Dogcopters and the Dogcopters’ Unnamed Female Humans… I used to think they were fiction, but… but they’re not. They’re you. You’re the person who gets me. Who makes me smile when nobody else can. Who makes me feel like.. like I’m where I’m supposed to be. ...Like I’m home.
I need you. I’d risk aliens invading o-or Lion taking us on another wild trip or your mom’s room going crazy or even reading the ending of the Spirit Morph Saga a million times just for one second with you. ...No offence. I just don’t… I don’t get how you can’t see how incredible you are when to me you… you shine so brightly it’s like I’m… I’m blinded, and you’re all I can see. Which is ironic, cause you… you kinda made me see clearer, but… yeah. That’s why I made this. So you can see, whenever you need to, how great you are, and how much this town needs you. How much the universe needs you. You’re... Steven. My Archimicarus. The world is our bubble. Let’s pop it, you and me. I believe in you, Steven. Happy birthday.
(End of film.)