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JONGSEONG

Jongseong will admit that having a foursome with your two best friends and the hot guy you just met at a party wasn’t a great idea, but all things considered, it could have gone a lot worse.

It happened at the beginning of the school year. Jongseong, Sunghoon, and Jake had just started living together in an apartment off-campus, and it was awkward for a few days: Sunghoon would lock his door at random points, Jake would bring a full change of clothes to their shared bathroom as if they hadn’t already seen it all, and Jongseong would go pink all the way up to his ears whenever he met eyes with Sunghoon, because each time he did he couldn’t help but remember how he’s had that guy’s dick up his ass.

But the three of them have been best friends since Sunghoon threw up all over the carpet of Jongseong and Jake’s dorm room freshman year, and not even a foursome will change that. As much as they tried to avoid each other, the proximity helped ease the awkwardness.

It’s become something they simply don’t talk about. A dark, humbling, shared moment of their college experience. One of many drunken mistakes they’ve made together.

It’s like Fight Club, even if it was a one time thing.

The first rule of The Foursome is: you do not talk about The Foursome. To any third-parties or with the participants. Especially not with the participants. The second rule of The Foursome is: you DO NOT talk about The Foursome.

Of course, Heeseung is the one who breaks the rules first, but really, it’s all Sunghoon’s fault.

It’s February, five months after The Foursome. Perhaps the one good thing that came out of it is that it roped Heeseung into their trio. He skipped all his classes the first two weeks of fall semester, and when he started showing up, to Jongseong’s surprise, they had not one, not two, but three classes together. Heeseung is a senior, and Jongseong has known him for months, but to this day, Jongseong still doesn’t know what the guy is majoring in. He’ll forever be an enigma. Because they already knew each other, they became quick friends, sat beside each other in lecture, went to lunch between their classes, and worked on assignments together. Heeseung started spending time with Sunghoon a lot too, whether or not Jongseong was there. Not Jake, though. He never hangs out with Jake one-on-one and barely talks to him when they’re all together. Jongseong isn’t sure why.

There are seven of them on the balcony of the sophomore dorms, sitting around a circular table as they pass around a bowl. It’s a popular smoke spot. It was supposed to be just the juniors and Heeseung, but then Jongseong asked if he could invite Jungwon, who in turn asked if he could bring Sunoo. Everyone gladly agreed.

And then Heeseung brought Sunoo’s ex-boyfriend. He did not ask or tell anyone about that.

Jongseong was worried at first. Jungwon was too, by the way he went stiff at Riki’s appearance, but it ended up being okay. Heeseung and Riki are in their own world, giggling as they watch TikToks on Riki’s phone and share a puff bar. When Sunghoon makes to grab the bowl and the lighter, Jongseong nearly stops him because he looks high enough, dazedly smiling at everything and nothing, but Sunghoon is an adult, and he can make his own decisions, so Jongseong lets him. If he greens out tonight, so be it. Once Sunghoon finishes off what’s left in the bowl, Riki plucks the pipe from his fingers and starts to repack it.

“I love you guys,” sighs Jake, because he always gets like that when he’s high.

“I love you too!” Sunoo replies adorably.

“We should have an orgy,” Sunghoon says, pressing his forehead to the table with a giggle.

Yeah, Jongseong should not have let Sunghoon take that hit.

Heeseung snorts. “Another one?”

“What?” Sunoo and Jungwon shout in sync.

Heeseung ignores them, grabbing the pipe from Riki. He curls one hand over the bowl, the other stroking the flint wheel to catch a flame, and brings his lips over the mouthpiece.

It takes Jongseong a long time to realize what Heeseung just said, and the incredulous looks on Sunoo and Jungwon’s faces.

“Dude, I thought we agreed we were never bringing that up. Fight Club.”

Heeseung lets out a puff of laughter. Smoke twirls into the air. “I was never part of that conversation. Plus,” he says with a smirk, “I remember you enjoying yourself.”

He hooks his foot around Jongseong’s ankle, and Jongseong blames the weed for the way he nearly gets a hard-on just because of that.

“You—you guys—an orgy?” Jungwon looks like a volcano seconds away from erupting. Sunoo can’t stop cry-laughing.

“Does it count as an orgy if it was only four people?” Jake asks.

Sunghoon hums. “I think as long as it’s more than three. It’s debatable, though.”

“Someone did his research,” Jongseong laughs.

“Excuse me for not wanting to stumble blindly into a foursome unlike some of us here,” Sunghoon says, pointedly looking at Jake and Jongseong.

Riki frowns at the sophomores. “You guys didn’t know about that?”

“You knew about that?” Jungwon screeches.

Riki shrugs. “I heard about it from one of my freshman friends.”

“Oh my god,” Jongseong groans, pressing his forehead to the table. “Is that our reputation now?”

“I think it’s a pretty fun reputation,” Riki says. He reaches an arm over to pat Jongseong’s back.

“I genuinely think that that was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.”

“Worse than the time you bought—”

Jongseong slaps a hand over Heeseung’s mouth. He knows Heeseung is going to bring up The Dildo That Wouldn’t Fit Incident. “Nope. We’re not talking about that. Nope.”

Heeseung smiles underneath Jongseong’s hands. His voice drops a timbre. He looks at Jongseong darkly. “But I was the one who helped stretch you out.”

Jongseong hisses, “Well you clearly didn’t do a good enough job!” and kicks Heeseung under the table. Then, he nervously surveys the table to see if anyone heard it. Thankfully, everyone else is too busy interrogating Sunghoon and Jake about The Foursome to pay them any mind. Actually, Jongseong isn’t sure if he should be thankful about that.

After some time, they finally move away from The Foursome topic. There really isn’t much to say; they had a drunken foursome with each other after a party once and never again. The bowl gets refilled and passed around a few more times.

“Hyung,” Jungwon says, slipping into Korean, which he only does when he’s frustrated or very tired.

Jongseong turns to look at him. “Yes, Jungwonie?”

“ ‘m a little sleepy.”

“I can walk you back to your dorm. You can piggyback.”

Jungwon shakes his head then tilts it onto Jongseong’s shoulder. “Don’t wanna. I like you guys. Just let me lay against you for a bit.”

“Are you feeling sick?” Jongseong asks, running his fingers through Jungwon’s hair. He’s concerned, but Jungwon is too cute like this, and Jongseong is very high.

Jungwon shakes his head again. Jongseong shudders when Jungwon’s fluffy hair tickles his chin. “Stop worrying about me. I’m just sleepy. And a little cold.”

Jongseong chuckles, placing his other hand on Jungwon’s knee. Like this, it’s hard to tell where he ends and Jungwon begins. “Just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I know that,” Jungwon says with a giggle. “You’re so sweet. Always taking care of me.”

When Jongseong looks up, he notices that both Riki and Sunoo’s eyes are on them. If Jongseong is being honest, he forgot everyone else was there.

Soon, they all get up to stop by the late-night Mexican place before they head back to their respective places because it’s getting late, and half of them have the munchies and are craving quesadillas. They go in groups. Jongseong and Jungwon; Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon; and strangely, Riki and Sunoo.

Even weirder, Riki and Sunoo disappear almost immediately. Jongseong doesn’t think they’ve ever hung out one-on-one since their breakup. As Jongseong understands it, they’re on okay terms now, but they weren’t for the longest time. He doesn’t think there are any lingering feelings there, but a part of him can’t help but wonder if they’re rekindling the flame, or something.

Jongseong doesn’t see either of them until they’ve all met back up at the late-night Mexican place for quesadillas. Jongseong and Jungwon arrive last because Jungwon got distracted watching squirrels hop through the half-melted snow, and Jongseong got distracted by how cute Jungwon looked in his puffy coat.

Jungwon makes a beeline to order.

Sunghoon and Sunoo are already sitting side-by-side at a booth, eating, whispering to each other. Jake, Riki, and Heeseung are in line. Jungwon has now joined them. Jongseong is standing by the door trying to decide whether or not he actually wants food. When Sunoo notices that he and Jungwon have made it, he elbows Sunghoon and gestures his head in their direction. Sunghoon nods and gets up. He doesn’t go to the door, though; bizarrely, he goes over to Heeseung and whispers into his ear. Heeseung rolls his eyes, grabs Riki’s wrist, and drags him outside. Jongseong watches them through the window and sees them lighting up a preroll from Riki’s pocket.

Finally, Sunghoon and Sunoo walk up to him.

“Jjongsaeng-ah, we have a proposition for you,” Sunghoon whispers, in Korean, which is the first red flag, because Sunghoon only does that when he’s being conspiratorial. “Well, you and Jungwonie too, but we can tell him later.”

“What?” Jongseong asks, half-distracted listening to Jake struggling to get the worker to understand his Australian accent.

Sunoo grins. “How would you like to make some money?”

Well, now Jongseong’s interested. “Tell me more.”

Then he hears the familiar sound of Jungwon laughing, and turns to glance at him. His dimples are on display, and he’s half-falling onto Jake, who must have said something funny. Jongseong smiles at the sight of Jungwon smiling.

“Me and Riki made a bet,” Sunoo starts, and Jongseong does his best to focus. “He bet that you and Jungwon would start dating by the end of the year, and I bet against.”

Jongseong blinks. “What.”

Sunoo’s mouth pinches, and he squints at Jongseong. It’s like he’s trying to find something. “You guys aren’t dating, right?”

“Um, no?” Jongseong flushes at how squeaky that came out.

“Good,” Sunoo says, nodding. “We’ve only bet fifty dollars, but this is the plan: you two need to start playing it up.”

Jongseong only now realizes the firm hand Sunghoon has on Sunoo’s waist. They’re a very touchy friend group, so Jongseong brushes it off. He shakes his head.

“Playing it up?”

“Act like you’re in love with each other,” Sunoo answers.

Jongseong feels his throat tighten. “Uh,” he chokes out. “I don’t know how I feel about that. Isn’t that, like, a little unethical?”

“And?” Sunoo asks.

Jongseong should have known that would be a dead end. “I also don’t see why us acting in love would help you?”

“I don’t need your help to win. I need your help to get Riki to raise the stakes,” Sunoo explains. “It’s an ongoing bet. I don’t want to spook him though, so it has to be subtle. He has to believe, by the end of May, you two are actually going to act on your feelings for each other—”

“Our nonexistent feelings,” Jongseong feels the need to cut in.

“Sure,” Sunoo says. He moves on so fast that Jongseong doesn’t even get a chance to object again like he wants. “Anyways, I want him to raise the stakes himself. Then you guys keep it up until Heeseung-hyung’s graduation, he thinks he’s going to win, but he isn’t, and then, bam. We make a fortune.”

It doesn’t really make sense; Jongseong isn’t sure if that’s because he’s very high or if The Plan itself is severely flawed. Maybe a bit of both.

“What’s my percentage?” he asks, wanting to cover all his bases before he commits to anything.

“Five. Jungwon gets twenty. Sunghoon-hyung gets twenty. I get fifty.”

Jongseong doesn’t comment on how that doesn’t add up to one-hundred.

“Why do I only get five? Aren’t I doing, like, at least half of the work?”

“Because this will be really easy for you,” Sunghoon says.

“What?”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “I’m kidding,” he replies, in that tone of his that makes it clear he’s really not kidding.

Jongseong is too high to maintain his usual tact. He glances at Sunoo cautiously. “Is this because you’re still bitter about The Breakup?”

He really thought Sunoo was over it. Maybe he should check in on Sunoo in the morning.

Sunoo glares, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you in or not?”

Jongseong sighs. He might be in Anthropology, but he had a brief stint as a Business major in freshman year. He’s taken Intro to Economics and Game Theory. He knows all about opportunity costs and payoff matrices.

“Depends,” he says, eyes narrowed, “if you lose, do I have to pay too?”

Sunghoon raises a brow. “Is Sunoo going to lose?”

Jongseong swallows, remembering the actual conditions of The Bet. “No, of course not.”

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem,” Sunghoon says. “Are you in?”

Jongseong chews on the inside of his cheek. Pretending to be in love with Yang Jungwon—well, it’s not like Jongseong has anything to lose, and from the way Sunoo is looking at him right now, insistent and impatient, it seems that he really wants to make high margins off his ex-boyfriend. There’s a lot there, but the crux of it is that Jongseong wants to do Sunoo this favor and also pull a fast one on Riki.

Money would also be nice.

“Only if I get ten-percent.”

Sunoo makes a face, then he glances outside and sees Heeseung stomping out the joint, him and Riki about to head back inside. “You drive a hard bargain. Fine, deal.”

They shake on it, and Jongseong suddenly realizes two major things: one, Jungwon doesn’t know about this yet, and two, he just signed away the few months of his life to Kim Sunoo.

“Whose idea even was this?” Jongseong asks, glancing between the two of them. “Wait, don’t answer that. It was Sunghoon’s, obviously. Because Sunghoon hates me.”

“Sunghoon just wants you to be happy,” Sunghoon says. He finally removes his hand from Sunoo’s waist. Jongseong almost thinks to comment on it, but he doesn’t bother.

“How would this make me happy? And it’s really weird when you refer to yourself in the third person.”

Sunghoon snorts. “Sunghoon doesn’t think that you have any room to judge, Mr. I Jumped Into an Orgy With a Stranger Because I Thought He Was Hot and Wanted To Hop On His Dick.”

Jongseong blinks. “Why would you say that. That has nothing to do with this.”

“In my defense, Heeseung-hyung broke the seal,” Sunghoon says, raising both his hands.

“Fight Club, Sunghoon. Fight Club.”

“What are you guys whispering about? And why are you speaking in Korean?” Heeseung asks. Riki is by his side. Both their eyes are slightly red-rimmed and lidded.

“Nothing,” Sunoo says, switching back to English.

Sunghoon grins. Another red flag. This man is just red flag after red flag. He’s like a bullfighter. “Just recounting the way Jjongsaeng came as soon as you pulled out your dick that time.”

“What the fuck, Sunghoon?” Jongseong hisses. “You were sucking me off!” He winces when he realizes that he, too, also broke the Fight Club rule just now.

“Yeah, and you really surprised me with all your jizz.”

Jongseong splutters. “You should take that as a compliment!”

Riki squints. “You guys are really weird. I should hang out with you all more.”

Sunoo scoffs, dramatically rolling his eyes. “Please do. I’m very curious to see if that would make you ignore me more or less.”

Riki looks at him, but doesn’t say anything. He eventually grabs Heeseung’s arm and drags him over to the line for food. At the same time, Jungwon comes bouncing over, a plastic bag slung around his wrist. He tugs at Jongseong’s sleeve.

“Jay, are you going to order?”

Food is the last thing on Jongseong’s mind right now. The deal he made with Sunoo is at the top of the list. Jungwon’s dimples come a close second. “Probably not.”

Jungwon pouts a little, then his eyes light up. “Do you want to share? The person gave me extra, and I don’t think I’ll be able to finish it all.”

The worst part is, Sunghoon was right.

It will be very easy for Jongseong to play his part. He won’t even need to act.

Sunoo and Sunghoon loop in the rest of the group minus Riki the day after. Heeseung and Jake manage to swindle five-percent shares each; Sunoo’s share is cut down to forty-five, Jongseong’s back to five.

The Plan is just as unethical and nonsensical as Jongseong remembers it, maybe worse, but he already shook on it, and Jongseong knows that Sunoo would kill him if he tried to back out.

Sunoo is very serious about confidentiality. He forces everyone to sign weirdly official NDAs he drew up on his iPad. It takes a good twenty minutes to get Heeseung to sign because Lee Heeseung, at the most inconvenient of moments, often chooses to be difficult for the sake of being difficult.

Jongseong is pretty sure Heeseung knew that it was the most dire for him to sign the NDA, also. Really, it was all so that Riki wouldn’t find out, and given how close Heeseung and Riki are, it wouldn’t be too far of a jump to say that if not for the NDAs, Heeseung mighht have told Riki immediately.

“I’m up for this and everything, but does anyone else think this is a really stupid idea?” Jake asks after they’ve all signed. “You guys do know you have to keep this up for the next four months?”

Everyone ignores him.

They make a group chat, but it dies after just a day because Heeseung can’t be bothered with keeping up, Sunghoon loves to mute chats as soon as he joins them, Jongseong and Jake feel bad about leaving Riki out, and Sunoo and Jungwon already text frequently on their own.

“Don’t you think this is a little crazy?” Jongseong asks when he’s walking Jungwon to his 11 AM.

Jongseong is surprised that Jungwon even agreed to The Plan.

“I think it’ll be fun,” Jungwon says, sliding his fingers between Jongseong’s. They’re cold, but soft.

“We’re holding hands now?”

Jungwon gives him a look. “Do we not do that already?”

Jongseong laughs. His insides flood with warmth. “You got me there. Oh yeah, have you talked to Sunoo about The Bet? Not about the terms, but why he’s doing it?”

Jungwon tilts his head to the side. “Why?”

“I don’t know, it’s just—isn’t it a little weird how invested he is in this?”

Jungwon looks like he’s sucking on a lemon. “I’m not the keeper of Sunoo’s secrets.”

“Yeah, but is this a secret?”

“Is what a secret?”

They’ve made it to Jungwon’s lecture hall, and they slip inside to escape the bitter cold. They don’t let go of each other’s hands.

“Why he’s trying to bankrupt his ex-boyfriend.”

Jungwon shrugs. “You’ll have to ask him about it. Sorry. I just—I’m really tired of the whole Riki drama. I’m friends with both of them, and it’s hard being in the middle when they barely speak to each other.”

Jongseong nods. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

They part ways, and Jongseong shoves his hands in his pockets, trying not to think about how natural it is to have Jungwon’s hand in his.

After The Breakup, Jungwon and Sunoo distanced themselves from Jongseong and the rest of them. For most of November, Jongseong saw Jungwon a total of five times. He’s sure it had something to do with how they were getting closer to Heeseung, and Heeseung was getting closer to Riki.

Jongseong is very glad that the Riki-Sunoo breakup happened before they all were friends, because if it happened now, he’s absolutely sure it would tear their friend group to shreds. Jungwon would, and very much did, side with Sunoo. Jongseong would also side with Sunoo because, Jungwon. Jake would try to play both sides, and he’d probably do a good job of it. Sunghoon would—actually, Jongseong isn’t sure what Sunghoon would do. Sometimes it’s hard to get a read on him. Heeseung would side with Riki for two reasons: one, he doesn’t have a heart, and two, he adores that kid and thinks he can’t do anything wrong. It’s not that he doesn’t see Riki’s numerous faults, it’s that he sees them and thinks they’re all funny and harmless.

If Jongseong knows one thing about Heeseung, it’s that his moral compass is a little bit skewed. Skewed in the direction of Riki.

“Riki’s never done a single thing wrong in his life,” Heeseung once said as they waited for Riki to arrive at Jongseong’s apartment; Riki was thirty minutes late.

And, of course Heeseung would think that. Heeseung is half the reason why Riki is the way he is.

“Riki once created a virus that actually destroyed my laptop,” Jongseong screeched. “And he did that because he was bored and I was sitting next to him.”

“He put semi-permanent bright pink hair dye in my shampoo. While we were dating,” Sunoo supplied.

“He also never venmo’d me back for all the Smirnoff I bought him last week,” Jake added. Jongseong smiled at him in solidarity. Riki never pays any of them back except for Heeseung.

“He once hacked my Instagram and started posting ugly photos of me on my story,” Jungwon said. “I lost like fifty followers!”

“Remember the time he drew all over my face when I was drunk, took a video of it, and submitted it as an assignment for his studio class calling it performance art?” Sunghoon asked. Everybody but Heeseung enthusiastically nodded. “And he even won an award for it! Literally the entire campus has seen it!”

“I love that kid to death,” Jongseong said, “but he might actually be the devil incarnate.”

Heeseung only grinned. “I repeat, he’s never done a single thing wrong in his life.”

Jongseong sees them like this: If Riki killed someone—which isn’t a non-possibility, if Jongseong’s being honest—Heeseung would be his first call. Heeseung would help him dispose of the body without blinking an eye. Not even just help him hide it or bury it, but he would help Riki cut it up into pieces and throw the parts into a vat of hydrofluoric acid, Breaking Bad style. Then they’d high five and smoke a joint in celebration.

And, in all honesty, it was a little heartbreaking, when Heeseung and Riki first started getting close.

Jongseong wasn’t friends with Heeseung—to be precise, friends who occasionally had sex—for that long before Heeseung met Riki. The Foursome occurred, tragically, the first weekend of fall semester. Heeseung and Riki met at Heeseung’s birthday party in October; Jongseong didn’t know it then, but he had a part in the domino chain.

Heeseung invited Jongseong; Jongseong invited Jungwon; Jungwon invited Sunoo; Riki and Sunoo were madly in love back then, and they went everywhere together, so Riki was invited too.

Back to the point: Jongseong only had Riki beat by a matter of a few weeks, but the fact that Heeseung was consistently choosing to hang out with a first-year over Jongseong—there was something that stung about that, even before Jongseong realized his feelings for Heeseung ran a lot deeper than those you should have for a friend you sleep with every now and then.

Alright, it was more than a little heartbreaking. Especially because Jongseong didn’t really and still doesn’t really understand why Riki and Heeseung gravitate toward each other as much as they do.

Jongseong asked Heeseung about it, last month at a kickback, when Riki and Heeseung were already thick as thieves and Jongseong was too drunk to have the sense to keep his thoughts to himself.

“What’s up with your thing with Riki?” Jongseong asked, quiet enough that only Heeseung would hear over the booming speaker.

“My thing with Riki?”

“I don’t know,” Jongseong leaned back into the solid wood of the drawer he was sitting against. “You always—drop plans with us at a drop of a hat for him.”

The reason why Heeseung was hanging out with them was because Riki was away for the weekend. Maybe it wasn’t the only reason, but it was a factor.

Heeseung shrugged. “We’re friends.”

“Yeah,” Jongseong said with a frown, “but we’re friends too.” He sounded like a jealous girlfriend. He hated himself, but the die was already cast.

Heeseung rubbed the back of his head. “Uh, what do you want me to say?”

“I just—I haven’t hung out with you in ages because you’re always hanging out with him.”

Jongseong knew, from Riki’s Instagram, that he and Heeseung went to a skate park together yesterday. He knew, from Heeseung’s Snapchat, that they spent all of Wednesday gaming together. Heeseung and Riki would barely post on any social media, but when they did, it was always photos of them with each other. It hurt to know that, even though Jongseong knew his feelings were irrational for two reasons.

One: Heeseung and Riki really were just friends. They still are just friends.

Two: Heeseung was not his. He still isn’t. Jongseong tried, and he failed.

He had asked Heeseung on a date once. Heeseung had made a face and said no, sorry. I don’t really do that.

He had asked him again a couple weeks later, and Heeseung had laughed uncomfortably and stuck his tongue in Jongseong’s mouth to distract him. Jongseong had indeed been distracted, but he had felt the sting of rejection the morning after.

Jongseong will not put himself through that again.

Heeseung quirked a brow. “Is that a problem?”

“Of course not,” Jongseong hurried to say. “I just—don’t get it.”

“I dunno,” Heeseung said, and he was drunk enough that Jongseong knew that he was telling the truth. “I don’t really get it either.”

fight club
4 people

jake
My game’s at 7!!! Higgens field
U guys want to come?

heeseung
down

sunghoon
sorry i have practice
next one tho :(

jake
That’s fine!

jay
AH I’m so sorry I told won I would go to his meet

jake
That’s also fine!
Go cozy up with ur bf

jay
my FAKE bf u mean

sunghoon
lol

heeseung
oh yeah nvm i forgot i had something sorry

This is the thing: Jongseong knows Heeseung is lying. He was going to go to Heeseung’s apartment, but then Jongseong had to cancel for Jungwon’s Taekwondo meet. He severely doubts that Heeseung of all people was proactive enough to make new plans.

Jongseong’s been wondering about it for a while, but he only thinks to ask Jake after his game, when they’re back at the apartment working on homework.

“Jake,” he starts. Jake looks up from his laptop, and so does Sunghoon. “Do you know why Heeseung’s so weird with just you? He’s, like, normal with us.”

He even ate me out yesterday, Jongseong thinks, but they don’t know about that.

“I don’t know,” Jake says, shrugging, “maybe he feels guilty for taking my virginity, or something.”

Sunghoon laughs. “Yeah, that would do it.”

Then: a beat of silence.

“Wait,” Jongseong says, needing to backtrack. “Heeseung took your virginity?”

Jake opens his mouth. “Oh, did I never tell you guys…”

All things considered, Jongseong isn’t really mad that Jake never told them; it’s not like the three of them were speaking in the weeks following The Foursome, and by the time they got over themselves, they just—didn’t talk about it. Ever. Well, until the other day.

Sunghoon’s face scrunches up. “I thought—with that girl in high school—”

“My gay virginity.”

Jongseong squints. “But what about that guy in sophomore year? Donghyuck?”

“Doesn’t count, I don’t think. We didn’t do much.”

“Not even a handie?” Sunghoon asks incredulously.

Jake rolls his eyes. “If we’re counting handies, then you popped my gay cherry.”

Sunghoon avoids eye contact. Jongseong, unfortunately, remembers every second of The Foursome, and he’s ninety-nine percent sure Sunghoon never touched Jake’s dick then, which means—

Jongseong will mull on that later. They have more pressing matters at the moment.

“Dude,” he says, “you should’ve told us.”

Jake flushes, shrinking in on himself. “What difference would it have made?”

“I don’t know!” Jongseong shouts. “Maybe your first time with a guy wouldn’t have been a foursome?”

“Well, I had a great time, and I know you guys did too. So what if it was my first time?”

“Have you…” Sunghoon starts. “With a guy since?”

Jake shakes his head.

“How exactly did you tell Heeseung that he took your virginity?” Jongseong asks.

“Aha… After The Foursome, he texted me wuu2? And I didn’t know what he meant, and then he said it was cute that I didn’t know hookup slang, and then I.” Jake turns a little green. “Might have let it slip that he was the first guy I hooked up with.”

Jongseong’s eyes widen. “And then what happened?”

Jake bites his mouth. “He didn’t respond. We haven’t texted outside of the group chat or really spoken since.”

“Oh my god,” Jongseong wheezes.

“Like, it’s fine. It’s totally fine,” Jake says, his voice about seven ranges above his usual pitch.

“Is it?” Jongseong asks. “You see the guy on an almost daily basis.”

“I don’t know! If he feels guilty, I don’t want to push him.”

Sunghoon pauses to consider. “I don’t think Heeseung feels guilty. I’m not sure if guilt is in his toolbox of emotions.”

“Want me to ask him?” Jongseong offers. Heeseung isn’t the most open guy, and Jongseong hasn’t ever been fully able to crack him, but he thinks he’s the best shot they have.

Jake flails a little. “I mean, if you’re okay with that?”

Just before midnight, once he’s done with homework, Jongseong texts Heeseung.

jongseong
Sorry again for canceling earlier

heeseung
dw abt it

jongseong
Im free rn, if u wanna?

heeseung
come over

After they’ve both showered, Jongseong borrows one of Heeseung’s shirts to sleep in. Almost all of Heeseung’s clothes are already baggy on Heeseung himself, so Jongseong practically drowns in them; the fabric has slipped to the side, exposing a collarbone. It smells like Heeseung, and Jongseong tries not to think about how much he likes that—it’s not like he’ll be able to take it home.

“Can I ask you something?” Jongseong asks when Heeseung reaches over him to plug his phone into his charger.

Heeseung looks skittish. “Only if I’m not obligated to answer. Or tell the truth.”

Jongseong snorts. “Fine. Just—why are you so awkward with Jake? And please don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Heeseung blinks. “Oh. Uh,” he says.

“Do you not like him, or something?”

“No, what? He’s cool. I like him.”

“Then what is it?”

Heeseung’s face twists. Jongseong begins to fear that he’s pushed him too far just when Heeseung asks, “Do you know about…?”

“How you were his first guy?”

“Yeah,” Heeseung sighs, frowning. “It’s that. I don’t know.”

Jongseong furrows his brows. “Are you mad that he didn’t tell you beforehand?”

Heeseung turns his cheek onto the pillow, looking shocked. “No, of course not. That’s his business.”

Jongseong would disagree—it’s very much Heeseung’s business too—but this isn’t the time or place to debate about that. “Then why…?”

“I guess it just freaks me out.” Heeseung rolls over onto his back, looks up at the ceiling. “I don’t like the idea of being that person to someone.”

Jongseong props his head up on his elbow, resting his cheek in the nook of his hand. “That person?”

Heeseung doesn’t respond for a long time. “A first.”

Okay. Heeseung has issues. A lot of them. Jongseong knows this, but he loves Heeseung anyway.

Another thing that Jongseong knows: he cannot be Heeseung’s person for one and only one reason. But it’s an important one.

Heeseung will not let him close.

“We should kiss,” Jungwon says a full week into The Bet.

Jongseong’s heart effectively stops. He looks up from his stats textbook. “What? You’re joking, right?”

“I’m completely serious. I think it would convince Riki very well,” Jungwon says.

To make sure, Jongseong looks around the room. Riki is not here. In fact, only Jongseong and Jungwon are here, sitting on the carpet of Jungwon and Sunoo’s shared room.

“We can be friends who kiss sometimes,” Jungwon continues, extending his socked feet until they’re in Jongseong’s lap. Jongseong only stares mutely at the cat whiskers laid over Jungwon’s toes. “Riki would think it’s only a matter of time before we get together.”

Jongseong has taken Logic before. If A then B, truth values, disjunctions, and tautologies. All that. He starts with the premise, and goes from there. If he and Jungwon should kiss, Jongseong would fall deeper in love, because he’s that easy, and then they would start dating, then they would lose The Bet, then it would all, inevitably, go to shit because Jongseong is also in love with Heeseung.

Yeah, that’s not going to work.

“Jay?” Jungwon asks when Jongseong doesn’t respond.

“Right,” Jongseong says, then he realizes that Jungwon’s own laptop is closed, that Jungwon is looking at him, expectantly. “Wait, like right now?”

Jungwon smiles. He looks nervous. “We can practice.”

Jongseong’s throat feels tight. He can’t help but glance at Jungwon’s lips, wonder if they’d feel as soft as they look. Jungwon religiously uses lip balm. Jongseong knows the answer to his own question.

Still. Jungwon is one of his best friends. Jongseong doesn’t want to lose him, and if he does this, if they do this, losing Jungwon will only be an inevitability. This is the one thing that they cannot do.

“Uh,” Jongseong says, because he’s stupid, and he falls in love easy, and he dug his own grave when he accepted Sunoo’s proposition, and Yang Jungwon is staring at him sweetly and asking to be kissed.

“It’s fine,” Jungwon sighs, bringing his feet out of Jongseong’s space. He opens his laptop back up, and without looking at Jongseong, mutters, “We don’t need to. Just an idea.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongseong blurts out.

Jungwon’s frown deepens. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know,” Jongseong says, chewing on his lip. “You looked really sad just now.”

Jungwon glances at him. “You know how to fix it.”

Jongseong swallows thickly, looks at the boy who holds his beating heart in his bare hands. Jongseong’s heart is not his own, in this moment.

“Jungwonie…”

Jungwon tilts his head to the side, brows knitted. “What’s the point in playing along with this bet if we don’t have some fun?”

To make Sunoo happy. To win some money. To hold eternal bragging rights over the most insufferable brat either of us have ever met.

All that Jongseong is able to get out is, “Ahah…”

“I know you want to.”

There it is: the elephant in the room. There’s a reason why Riki and Sunoo made that bet; it happens to be the same reason why both Jongseong and Jungwon accepted.

What they are, and what Jongseong doesn’t trust himself to let them become, it’s the elephant in the room. Or, one of the elephants in the room. With their friend group, at any moment in time, there’s a hundred elephants in the room. It’s practically a zoo.

There’s no point in denying it. “I do, but—”

Jungwon shifts on the carpet, puts his laptop to the side, and angles to face Jongseong, his eyes burning with something like determination. He transfers his weight onto one knee and brings the other between Jongseong’s thighs. Jongseong sucks in a breath, jaw hanging open as he looks up at the pretty boy who has placed himself in his lap.

Jongseong first met Jungwon at a party last winter, and the only thing he remembers of that night was the pretty boy with dimples deeper than the blue sea. He probably fell in love with him that night, but he fell in love all over the next time they met, on a sober Wednesday morning. Jungwon had a short stint working at the underground student-run cafe, and Jongseong recognized the pretty barista who took his order. Jongseong has only known Jungwon for a little over a year, but he knows him like the back of his hand.

Yang Jungwon is fearless, a different sort of fearless than Heeseung and Riki. Each and every one of his actions is done with care and purpose. He accepts the risks, bears his burdens, but leaves enough space for himself to take what he wants into his hands. It’s one of many reasons why Jongseong has come to love him so much.

And right now, what Jungwon wants is Jongseong. His palm comes up to cup Jongseong’s cheek, careful but certain, and Jongseong cannot help but press into his hand like a flower turning to face the sun.

Yang Jungwon is the sun, Jongseong’s sun.

“Here,” Jungwon mutters, looking down at Jongseong. “Are you okay with this?”

Jongseong doesn’t trust his voice, so he just nods weakly, a breath sticking to the back of his throat.

The logic of what they’re doing doesn’t make sense. Jongseong knows how this story will end, with two broken hearts and only one person to blame.

But when Jungwon swoops down—fearless and beautiful and sweet and perfect—and presses his soft lips to Jongseong’s, Jongseong can’t think of anything but the present moment.

Jongseong learns two things from this experience:

1. Jungwon is a pushy kisser.
2. He is also very good.

He wonders who taught Jungwon how to kiss.

Jongseong parts his mouth to breathe in, but Jungwon doesn’t let him go, takes it as an opportunity to swipe his tongue across Jongseong’s bottom lip and push in. Jungwon’s mouth tastes sweet, and his lips are plush and insistent, and Jongseong wishes, desperately wishes, that he didn’t learn how pushy of a kisser Jungwon was, because he doesn’t think he’ll be the same after this, after learning the soft, slow, but firm press of Yang Jungwon’s mouth, committing it to memory.

Lately, however, Jongseong has been doing a lot of kissing Heeseung. The thing about Heeseung is that he takes and does what he wants, and he doesn’t care about being gentle or nice about his kisses. And Heeseung has been rubbing off on him. Jongseong doesn’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. Maybe both. Probably both.

Jongseong places a hand on Jungwon’s waist, and he’s not so careful about it, the way he pushes him down to the carpet until he’s laid flat on his back. Their lips part, and there’s a small line of spit still connecting their lips. Jungwon’s hair is haloed around his head, and he’s looking up at Jongseong with kiss-slick lips and wide eyes. Jongseong loves him.

He cups either side of Jungwon’s face, strokes his thumbs over his warm cheekbones, and dives down for another kiss. Jungwon is the one gasping this time, and Jongseong is the one taking advantage of his parted lips.

The thing about being in love with Yang Jungwon is that it’s painless. It doesn’t hurt like being in love with Lee Heeseung. The thing about loving Jungwon—there’s a difference there, between being in love with him and loving him; it’s not an important difference, but it still needs to be mentioned—is that it’s like breathing. It’s a choice, sometimes; other times, it’s an inevitability. When Jongseong is thinking about it, he chooses to give Jungwon his love. There is purpose to it, because Jungwon deserves everything Jongseong can give him. And when he isn’t thinking about it—well, Jongseong is loving him anyway. It’s automatic.

Jungwon hooks his arms around Jongseong’s neck, pulling him closer, if that was even possible. They’re all tangled up, and Jongseong knows that this is more than practicing, much more, knows that this was never for the sake of The Bet.

Then, Jungwon starts to make these sweet, breathy noises into Jongseong’s mouth. Something claws at Jongseong’s throat, and he rips himself away, gets up on his knees to tower over Jungwon, still laid out on the floor, looking dazed.

“That was nice,” Jongseong says lamely, roughly, getting out of Jungwon’s space.

“Yeah,” Jungwon replies, panting slightly. He props himself up onto his elbows, his lips pink and somewhat swollen. Jongseong wants to kiss him again. “Nice.”

For a long moment, they just look at each other, unmoving. And then Jungwon sucks in a sharp breath.

“I’m going to. Um,” he squeaks, and does a weird, complicated dance of curling himself up into a ball, spinning around so that his back is to Jongseong, and spurting up straight. “Go to the bathroom.” And he’s gone.

Jongseong blinks, the door slams behind Jungwon, and then he realizes.

Ah, fuck.

An observation: Sunghoon and Sunoo have been spending a lot of time together. Whenever any of them ask them what they’re doing, they say that they’re working on The Bet, which doesn’t make any sense, because The Bet depends only on Jongseong and Jungwon, and they’re already doing their part. A little too well. They’ve made out at least five times since the first time, only one of which Riki saw. It’s been two days.

A generalization: When Sunghoon and Sunoo aren’t bickering with each other, they’re looking at each other like they want to eat each other. In a cannibalistic sense, but also in an I want to eat your face sort of way.

Jongseong is more than a little horrified.

Saturday night, the seven of them go to an off-campus house party hosted by some of Heeseung’s other friends. Heeseung goes to greet them, and Riki follows. Jake, similarly, sees some of the other students from Australia and goes to say hi.

“Drinks?” Jongseong asks the other three remaining.

Jungwon scrunches up his face and hums. “Pass. I took like, two shots at the pre. I’m good for now.”

His cheeks are aptly flushed, and his sleeves have fallen over his fingertips. Jongseong’s heart clenches in his chest.

Then, Sunghoon places his hand on the small of Sunoo’s back, leans down, and whispers something that sounds like, “I’ll get us drinks. You go with Jungwonie,” into Sunoo’s ear. Sunoo rolls his eyes, but does what Sunghoon told him to do. He and Jungwon link arms and head down the hallway to the main space, folding themselves into the deep sea of bodies.

And, okay. That, on its own, isn’t that weird, but given how Sunghoon and Sunoo have been spending so much time together recently, it’s weird.

When it’s just Jongseong and Sunghoon mixing drinks in the kitchen, Jongseong asks, “What’s going on with you and Sunoo? Like, really?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “What can I say? I like pretty boys.”

Jongseong blinks. He would have preferred any other answer. “Um.”

“I mean, if you really want to get into things, do you want to talk about how you and Heeseung started sleeping together after The Foursome?”

Jongseong’s mouth falls open. “You know about that?”

Sunghoon brings the rim of his solo cup to his lips and takes a sip. “Me and Jake do, at least.”

“How?” Jongseong wheezes. He thought they were subtle.

Sunghoon just rolls his eyes. “Dude, we live with you. You don’t sleep in your room half of the time and we know you don’t sleep around. And we’re not blind. We see the way you look at him.”

Jongseong swallows. He has nothing to say. “Um.”

“Okay, not that, then. What about how you and Jungwon kiss even when Riki’s not around to see it?”

Jongseong’s voice raises three pitches. “We’re—practicing. So that it’s more convincing.”

“Sure, tell yourself that,” Sunghoon says, patting Jongseong’s shoulder and heading out of the kitchen.

Elephants. Way too many elephants in the room.

Half-past midnight, Heeseung finds him in the hallway and presses him up against the wall. The air is punched out of Jongseong’s lungs when Heeseung brings their mouths together into a messy kiss.

Jongseong, in all honesty, doesn’t remember what he was doing before this. It doesn’t matter.

But this is what does matter:

“Wait—” Jongseong gasps, pushing on Heeseung’s chest. Heeseung pulls himself back with an annoyed huff. “Riki, he shouldn’t see. The Bet, remember?”

Heeseung places his hands on Jongseong’s waist and squeezes, fingers flexing against Jongseong’s skin, over the fabric of his shirt. Jongseong whines. “I don’t care about the goddamn bet,” Heeseung groans, dark eyes gazing into Jongseong’s. “I want you.”

“Oh,” Jongseong says, because what else can he say to that?

He nods, breathless. He feels his dick already starting to fill up.

Heeseung notices and smirks. “Bathroom?”

Jongseong swallows, sweat sticking to his neck. “Yeah.”

Right. What have we learned?

Jongseong is half in love with Heeseung. He is also half in love with Jungwon. People think it’s hard to love more than one person at the same time, but Jongseong happens to excel at it.

SUNGHOON

“We’re totally going to win this bet,” Sunghoon says when he notices that Heeseung and Jongseong are both missing from the party.

“Of course we are,” Sunoo says with a roll of his eyes.

They head down the stairs to the basement, where a smaller group of people are drinking and chatting. The main room was getting too crowded, so Sunghoon is thankful for the space to breathe. It’s quieter here as well; the bass of the speaker thumps against the ceiling, loud pop music still reverberating into the room, but it’s manageable.

“I feel bad, though,” Sunghoon admits, leaning back against the cushion of the couch.

Sunoo sits beside him and tilts his head to the side. “Why?”

“Because of how much this is riding on Jongseong’s feelings for Heeseung preventing him and Jungwon from ever getting together.”

Sunoo deflates, bringing his knees together. “Yeah.”

“Do you think Heeseung loves him back?”

Sunghoon has thought about this one a lot. He’s leaning toward no, but he also knows that Jongseong is the only person Heeseung has been sleeping with for the past couple months. There must be something there, even if it’s not love.

Sunoo laughs. “I don’t think Heeseung is even capable of love.”

Sunghoon snorts and says, without thinking, “I think the Japanese stoner boy he’s always hanging out with provides good evidence to the contrary.”

Sunoo blinks, and Sunghoon remembers.

“Sorry,” he blurts, “was that…?”

Sunoo shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

“Sorry,” Sunghoon says again. “Honestly, I always forget that you two dated.”

“Yeah,” Sunoo mutters, looking off to the side. “He does too.”

Sunghoon first met Sunoo at Heeseung’s birthday party, tried to get his attention, and quickly found out he had a boyfriend.

Alright then, he thought. Alright.

Then Riki broke up with Sunoo, and Sunoo went M.I.A. for a couple weeks. Eventually, Jungwon started bringing Sunoo along whenever he would hang out with Jongseong, so that Sunoo wouldn’t be lonely. As a result, Sunghoon was able to start over.

Sunghoon is playing the long game.

He really only met Riki recently, through Heeseung, even though Riki and Heeseung became friends at the beginning of the school year. Sunghoon was surprised when Heeseung brought Riki to their smoke session the other week; Heeseung has a weird tendency to gatekeep the people he likes.

Here’s what Sunghoon knows:

Riki is an international student straight from Japan. He’s confident, loves art and loves to pull pranks, and sometimes does and says insensitive things, but he has a heart of gold. He and Heeseung are best friends. He started learning English only last year, but he’s quite good at it. Nishimura Riki is good at everything. He’s been picking up Korean phrases from Heeseung and the rest of their friend group, and Heeseung lovingly calls him Chulsoo, sometimes. He loves dance more than he loves art, somehow has an internship at Google already, spends too much money on flavored vapes that Heeseung purchases for him, and smokes enough weed to tranquilize a horse.

Popularity in college isn’t at all like popularity in high school, but it exists, especially since there’s less than two thousand students in each class year. Sunoo and Jungwon are popular; there’s no going about that. Riki made waves as the freshman from Japan who does skateboard tricks on the library steps, the compsci genius hacked the projector screens during orientation, who won an major art competition by drawing on his drunk friend’s face and submitting the video everywhere he could, and for breaking Kim Sunoo’s heart—so he’s popular as well.

Heeseung made waves, too, for being a serial manwhore, at least until he met Jongseong.

Sunoo was the first friend Riki made in America. They clicked, they dated, maybe they fell in love, and they were always together—until they weren’t.

And the thing everyone knows about Sunoo is that he’s a sweetheart.

Sunoo’s best friend is Yang Jungwon, and Jungwon’s other best friend is Jongseong, one of Sunghoon’s best friends, so it’s a wonder that Sunghoon didn’t meet him sooner.

Well, no, that part’s a lie. Sunghoon doesn’t know why or how they didn’t meet at all last year when Sunoo was a freshman, but he knows why they didn’t ever hang out at the beginning of fall semester. Sunoo was always with Riki.

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked, but—what happened between you two?”

“We only dated for two months, but he managed to ruin my life in that short span of time,” Sunoo says, scarily cheerful and nonchalant. If Sunghoon hadn’t heard from Jongseong about how down bad Sunoo was after The Breakup, he’d think that Sunoo was joking. “That’s really all you need to know.”

Okay, there’s a lot there to unpack, but Sunghoon won’t be doing any of that tonight.

“Oh, cool,” Sunghoon replies, even though it’s very much not cool. It’s just all that he can think to say to that. But while they’re on the topic of Riki, he decides to ask the question everyone’s been wondering—at least him, Jongseong, and Jake. “You know, was The Bet because of The Breakup?”

“I’m over Riki,” Sunoo says. It’s a non-answer.

“I believe that, but are you over The Breakup?”

“He broke my heart.” Sunoo shrugs. He also downs the rest of his drink without flinching; there were at least two shots in there, Sunghoon is pretty sure. “I saw a chance to get him back, and I took it. Is it so bad that I want to make him pay? Literally?”

Kim Sunoo is a sweetheart; that much is true, but the thing about him that most people don’t realize is his capacity for grudges.

Sunoo hums cutely, flashes Sunghoon a cheery smile, then adds, “Knocking his teeth out would probably be going too far, so bleeding his bank account dry is the closest alternative.”

“Hey,” Sunghoon says, because of all the things Sunoo could have said, that’s what does him in.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to have sex?”

Sunoo giggles and puts his drink down on the table. “Finally. I thought you’d never ask.”

Okay. Sunoo is a little crazy, and Sunghoon is into that.

This is the kicker: Sunghoon is a lot more crazy. Sunoo is very into that.

SUNOO

Sunoo and Jongseong are studying together at the engineering building. Neither Sunoo nor Jongseong are in engineering. Sunoo is double concentrating in Public Health and Gender Studies, Jongseong in Anthropology. They don’t belong here. However, it’s filled with STEM majors and reeks of depression, stress, overdue assignments, coffee, and Adderall; therefore, it’s the perfect place to grind.

Sunoo really, really likes Jongseong. He’s a good guy, even though he has a tendency to glare at people. It’s the astigmatism. Sunoo’s of the opinion that he should wear his glasses more often; he looks good in them, and someone as fashion savvy as Jongseong should appreciate an opportunity to change up his look every now and then.

He just really, really does not like the way Jongseong goes about, well, everything about his life.

Sunoo’s been cooking up a whole list in his head. He’s been working on it since the day he met him. It’s titled, Grievances I have about Park Jongseong’s Modus Vivendi. The first three items are as follows:

1. He’s unduly self-sacrificing to the point that his selflessness errs on the side of selfishness. He’s so focused on how other people feel that he often forgets consciousness exists in a vacuum. A person can empathize with others as much as they like, but it won’t change the fact that their subjective experience is fundamentally different from everyone else’s. On the surface, it’s a good thing that he always wants what’s best for other people. However, the problem with that is two-fold: he wants it more than he wants what’s best for himself, and he doesn’t realize that the way he defines what’s “best” for a person is relative to himself. Best is relative to each individual.
2. An important part of life is letting other people make their own decisions. No matter how much you care about them, even if you know better, even if they’re making a mistake, you have to let them make it. Even if you can stop it. Let them own it. Let them learn. Jongseong forgets this.
3. He’s a slob. Literally and metaphorically. Sunoo’s seen his bedroom. He’s also seen his love life.

The first item is why he and Jungwon have been in limbo for the past year and a half. The second item, everyone else in their friend group but Jongseong seems to know, which is why they’ve all been turning a blind eye to his escapades with Heeseung.

The third item is what Sunoo has capitalized on via The Bet.

Jongseong’s phone vibrates. His lock screen lights up with two texts sent at the same time. Sunoo looks over, out of curiosity, and isn’t surprised at all by what he sees: one message from Heeseung, the other from Jungwon.

Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Do you want to know what I think, Jay?”

Jongseong’s eyes flick up from his phone, and he frowns. “About?”

“About your love life.”

Jongseong looks uncomfortable. “Um. Not really.”

Sunoo tells him anyway. “You’ve convinced yourself you’re dragging out the Jungwon thing because you think it’s best for him that you don’t fully pursue things with him, because of Heeseung, but have you ever considered that Jungwon doesn’t care?”

“That Jungwon doesn’t—what does that mean?”

Sunoo doesn’t bother answering that part. Jongseong can figure it out on his own. “All your problems boil down to the fact that you want them both,” he hums, starting to doodle in his notebook. “That’s actually why you’ve been dragging this out.”

Item #4 on the list: He’s brutally honest with everyone but himself.

“What?”

“You want Heeseung, but you can’t have him, because Heeseung is Heeseung. And Heeseung—has Riki. But you also want Jungwon, and you think that picking him is going to end up with you losing him.”

“How do you know about me and Heeseung?”

“Everyone knows about you and Heeseung.”

Crap, Sunoo realizes. He’s been doodling hearts around Sunghoon’s name.

He closes his notebook and finally looks at Jongseong. His mouth is hanging open.

Sunoo knows he’s biased, that if he wants to win The Bet, he should just follow his own advice and let Jongseong misguidedly drag things out until graduation, but here’s the thing: Sunoo has a foot in both outcomes.

It’s a win-win situation: If he wins The Bet, he hurts Riki’s pride and gets some money out of it; and if he loses, that means his best friend can finally be put out of his misery.

But Sunoo is pretty sure he’ll win The Bet, given that Jongseong is Jongseong, and Jungwon is waiting for the day that Jongseong stops being a coward—which, if things keep heading in the direction they’re currently going, won’t happen any time soon, and definitely not by graduation, while Heeseung is still here—but he might as well try to even the playing field a little. There haven’t been any signs that Riki is going to raise the stakes any time soon, even with The Plan, so maybe Sunoo needs to shake things up.

“Here’s a piece of advice: you don’t need to pick.”

Jongseong blinks. “What does that—it’s not like I can have them both.”

Sunoo sighs. “That’s true, but it looks like you also missed my entire point.”

Item #5 on the list: Jongseong is incredibly perceptive, except with the things that matter. Especially with the things that matter.

Jongseong visibly struggles to come up with something to say. In the silence, Sunoo’s phone dings. He picks it up from the other end of the table and reads the message.

sunghoon
heading back to my apt
u free?

Sunoo makes a noise in excitement. “Also, sorry. I gotta go.”

Jongseong stammers for a second, and then semi-coherently objects, “I thought we were studying until dinner?”

“I never said that,” Sunoo says, gathering his things. “You assumed.”

“Where are you going?” Jongseong asks when Sunoo pushes his chair back under the desk.

Sunoo slings his tote bag around his shoulder. “Your apartment.”

“What? Can I at least come with?”

Sunoo has to hurry. He wants to catch Sunghoon before he’s showered. “I don’t think you want to come with.”

“What?” Jongseong repeats, louder this time. Several of the other students in the room look up due to the volume.

And Sunoo is gone.

So, the Sunghoon thing. It all boils down to this: he’s interesting.

Sunoo didn’t realize it when they first met in the fall, at Heeseung’s birthday party, and even in their interactions afterward. At that point in Sunoo’s life, he was still head over heels with Riki. Sunoo didn’t really see him; he didn’t really see anyone but Riki. Sunghoon noticed him though, and with some time, Sunoo noticed how much Sunghoon looked at him.

He’s also noticed how much Sunghoon looks at Jake.

“Have you and Jake also been having sex?” Sunoo asks.

Sunghoon, who was in the middle of pulling off his sweatshirt, makes a strained sound. Sunoo isn’t sure if that was because of his question, or if it was because his head got stuck in the fabric.

When Sunghoon finally escapes the finger trap of his jumper, Sunoo learns it was the first, if Sunghoon’s bright red cheeks have anything to say about it. Sunghoon is always slow at this; Sunoo’s already in his underwear.

“I’m just curious,” Sunoo continues, because Sunghoon looks too stunned to speak. “There’s a weird tension between you two. Not like, sexual tension, but tension.”

After Sunghoon let Sunoo into the building, he was leading him down the hall to his bedroom, and Jake happened to have just left the shower. Water ran down his chest in rivulets, a towel hanging low on his hips. When he and Sunghoon met eyes, they both stopped in place and awkwardly stared at each other for a good twenty seconds. Sunoo watched.

Sunghoon bites his bottom lip, looking at the wall behind Sunoo when he admits, “Before The Foursome, we used to do things.”

Sunoo hums and thinks about it. It’s not very surprising. “I’d be down for some things with him. You and him, I mean.”

Sunghoon’s eyes go bug-wide. “What?”

Sunoo kisses him in lieu of an answer.

We might as well get this out of the way.

Sunoo and Riki. Like many stories, but not all of them, it conforms to a three-act structure.

The Meet-Cute, The Honeymoon Period, and The Breakup.

The Meet-Cute: They met on the first day of classes. Riki had his AirPods in as he whizzed down the main quad on an electric skateboard. Sunoo was looking down at his phone, texting Jungwon about their lunch plans, not looking where he was going. Riki crashed into him, and they both went flying.

They helped each other up and met eyes. Sunoo thought he was cute, and Riki thought Sunoo was cute. They got coffee, and went from there.

The Honeymoon Period: There’s not much to say here. They didn’t share many interests, but it was fun getting to know what each other liked. Sunoo made an Animal Crossings account, even though he found it a little boring. It made Riki happy to have an in-real-life friend he could play with in-game, and that was all that mattered. Riki, too, was content with watching Sunoo play League of Legends, even though he didn’t play himself.

Riki brought Sunoo to the skatepark a couple times: he would help Sunoo onto the board, put his hands on Sunoo’s hips, and lead him across a strip of pavement. Sunoo trusted that Riki wouldn’t let him fall.

Alright, there’s a lot to say here.

When Sunoo was talking too fast for Riki to understand, fully, Riki still gave him his full attention. And sometimes, when they were doing homework together, Sunoo would look up from his textbooks to see Riki looking at him fondly. Other times, Riki came to him with a piece of American slang he didn’t quite get, but always heard people using, embarrassed and shy. Sunoo explained until he understood. He was happy that Riki trusted him enough to ask. It was the little things.

They cared about each other—or, at least, Sunoo cared about Riki, and it felt like Riki cared about him.

They were happy together, and they were all of each other’s firsts.

They also fell in love, but looking back, that was probably the most inconsequential part of their whole relationship.

The Breakup:

Well. You’ll find out about it later.

Really, Sunoo is over Riki. Just ask Sunghoon, or look at his neck.

The Breakup, though. Sunoo isn’t over that. He knows it, too. He doesn’t lie to himself like Jongseong does, or to others like Riki does. He doesn’t try to bear all his burdens on his own like Jungwon does, or deal with them as well as Sunghoon does. He doesn’t drown his problems with positivity like Jake does, or pretend they don’t exist like Heeseung does.

So what does Sunoo do when faced with a problem?

He sees it, accepts it for what it is, comes up with a tenable solution, even if it entails asking for help, and tries his hardest, but also takes his time.

He also has a little fun.

JAKE

In chaos theory, the “Butterfly Effect” is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.

In simpler terms, a butterfly flaps its wings in the Amazonian Forest, and subsequently a storm ravages half of Europe.

The event that triggers the end of The Bet goes like this:

Friday night, a little after 8 PM, Jake comes back to the apartment from dinner with his teammates, in need of social contact.

He was busy all day; between classes, clubs, and soccer, he didn’t get a chance to hang out with any of his close friends. For the most part, he likes his classmates, his clubmates, and his teammates, but there’s something very different about the people you choose to hang out with outside of your obligations. He’s exhausted, but his social battery is full and begging to be used.

He thinks through his options. There’s Heeseung, who Jake likes hanging out with even though it’s awkward. It’s been better lately, though, since Heeseung has been making real efforts to speak to him. But he’s probably a bust; odds are, he’s with Riki right now.

Then there’s Jongseong; Jake knocks on his door first because his room is the closest to the entrance.

No response. He’s probably with Jungwon, but Heeseung is also a possibility.

Sunghoon is the next candidate.

“Come in,” Sunghoon says after Jake’s knocked on his door a couple times.

The door is unlocked. Jake steps in, and then reels at the sight of Sunoo. More importantly, at the sight of Sunoo half-sitting on Sunghoon’s lap.

Jake swallows. “Um. What are you two up to?”

Sunoo and Sunghoon exchange a look.

“Scheming,” Sunoo says, fixing his eyes back on the screen.

Jake blinks, looking at the snacks spread out on the sheets, Sunoo’s leg curled around Sunghoon’s knee, and the laptop placed at the foot of the bed.

“Scheming,” Jake repeats.

“Yup,” Sunoo says, popping the p.

Jake can’t see anything but Sunghoon’s hand resting high on the inside of Sunoo’s thigh, slipped under his dainty shorts, unmoving, firm. Horror creeps up Jake’s throat when he realizes the chances of him having interrupted what looks to be a Netflix-and-Chill night are not zero.

Why would you tell me to come in? Jake thinks, wanting very much to melt into the ground right about now.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go,” he announces, mouth dry as he watches Sunghoon’s hand slide higher.

He vaguely, very vaguely, was aware that something was going on between the two of them—especially because Sunoo has been coming over at an alarming frequency ever since Beomgyu’s house party, and Sunghoon has started locking his door whenever Sunoo came over—but he didn’t want to be the one to bring up this particular elephant in the room.

Seeing it in motion, or pre-motion, is quite different from being aware of it.

“You go do that,” Sunghoon says, not taking his eyes off the screen.

But then Sunoo hums, rolling his head to the side so that he can look at Jake. “Does he have to go?” he asks, eyes dragging up the expanse of Jake’s body, but the question is not directed toward him.

Jake swallows again.

Sunghoon leans over to nip the lobe of Sunoo’s ear. Jake, embarrassingly, feels his dick already start to swell. “Hm,” he says, sparing Jake only a single, flippant glance. His eyes are dark. “He can stay, if he wants to.”

“Would you want that?” Sunoo asks, not even flinching when Sunghoon licks a stripe down his neck. “To stay?”

“Um… Ahah…” What the fuck?

Jake doesn’t think he’s ever seen Sunghoon like this. Sunoo must bring something out of him. Or maybe this is a part of him that Jake couldn’t bring out. But that’s not fair—it’s not like he ever tried.

And if Jake did try…

“It’s up to you,” Sunghoon says, absently sliding his free hand underneath Sunoo’s shirt. Jake makes a faint choking noise, eyes wide. “We used to have fun together, Jaeyun-ah. What happened?”

From the way Sunoo smiles, Jake realizes that this is not news to him.

He chews on his bottom lip, feeling a little betrayed because Sunghoon definitely knows the answer to his own question.

There were only two reasons why Jake was up for The Foursome—well, three, if you count the fact that he was drunk and they all were drunk and thought it was a great idea. One: because who could pass up a turn with Lee Heeseung? Two: because he and Sunghoon were already comfortable with each other in that way. That’s what Jake thought—but once all four of them were all on the same bed, he found out, and so did Sunghoon, it turned out, that they couldn’t touch each other. They didn’t know how to in the new context.

It was different, for Jongseong and Heeseung who are, and Jake means this with love, sluts.

The Foursome changed practically nothing for Jongseong and Heeseung, but everything for Jake and Sunghoon. Sure, Jongseong fell in love and Heeseung got a new fuckbuddy and some new friends from it, but new developments are fundamentally different from change. Jake and Sunghoon used to fool around, then The Foursome came, went, obliterated their friendship for a few weeks, and they never picked up from where they left off.

It’s not like Jake hasn’t ever thought about picking it back up. If he’s being honest, he’s thought about it a lot, but then Sunghoon started getting closer with Sunoo, and he was sure he lost his chance.

But maybe that’s a non-issue. No, clearly that’s a non-issue.

“Sunghoon,” Jake chokes out, too horny and pent up from months of beating around The Foursome bush to feel embarrassed at the way his voice cracks on the second syllable, “I don’t want a repeat of The Foursome. Promise me we won’t let things be weird again.”

Sunoo laughs. “I’ll kill you both if you let it be weird.”

Sunghoon lifts up a brow. “Is that a yes?”

Jake walks toward the bed, and that’s enough of an answer in itself.

Twenty minutes in, Jongseong walks in, looking down at his phone.

“Hey, have you guys seen my Juul? I like literally—” Then he looks up, and he drops his phone. “OH MY GOD? WHAT THE FUCK? MY EYES?”

And, well, the three of them are in a compromising position, to say the least. Sunoo lifts up off Jake’s dick and glares at Jongseong. No one says anything.

After exactly thirteen seconds of that, Jongseong scrambles to pick up his phone, covers his eyes with his hand, and miserably groans, “I need a drink.” When he leaves, he slams the door shut behind him.

Jake laughs into Sunghoon’s mouth, Sunghoon smooths his hand down Jake’s back, and they keep going.

Yeah, this time will be better.

“How long have you two been planning that?” Jake asks on the walk back to their apartment. They’ve just dropped Sunoo off at his dorm because it’s Friday night, and they all need to start getting ready.

Sunghoon laughs, canines peeking out. “How do you know it wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing?”

“The door wasn’t locked. And I’m not stupid. From the things you guys said—” Jake cuts off, blushing. “It sounded like you’ve talked about it.”

“First, we kind of just forgot to lock the door. But yeah, it’s been a couple days. We were planning to ask you, actually, but then it just—happened tonight.”

“Well, I’m glad it happened the way it did,” Jake admits, not looking at Sunghoon. He thinks he might just die of embarrassment if he looked at Sunghoon right now. “I think if you straight-up asked me if I wanted to, like, join, I would’ve freaked out and said no.”

Virginity is a social construct, Jake knows this. Sex means different things to different people, and it’s an simple concept for straight people. In high school, when Jake first had penetrative sex with a girl, it was easy for him decide that he wasn’t a virgin anymore. With Sunghoon, however, Jake is of the belief that what they had didn’t count. It didn’t feel like sex to him—not in the moment, not in retrospect. It felt like an extension of their friendship, which Jake knows is ridiculous, and there’s probably some sort of deep-seated phobia that drove that attitude, but Jake will put that aside for now. The thing is: what they did tonight was definitely sex.

Sunghoon stops walking. Jake stops too.

“Hey, I’m sorry about—the way things ended up, after the—you know,” Sunghoon confesses. The moon and stars shine prettily on his cheekbones. He bites into his bottom lip, pink and a little chapped. Jake can’t stop thinking about how, just thirty minutes ago, he had that mouth on him. “It was just awkward. All of us were making it really awkward, and by the time things got better between us, I was afraid of ruining things again.”

Jake understands. He shoves his hands deeper into his pockets. Winter is starting to release its claws, but it’s still chilly.

“What changed your mind?”

Sunghoon laughs. “Sunoo.”

They start walking again. They fall into a short silence, but Jake can’t help but ask the question that’s been sitting in the back of his head this whole time.

“So, is it like—a thing between you two?”

“Yeah,” Sunghoon says quickly. And before Jake has time to process how he feels about that, Sunghoon looks at him out of the corner of his eye. “It can be a thing between us three, though.”

“Oh,” Jake exhales, trying his best to seem like his world hasn’t been flipped upside-down. “Cool.”

“We’ve had time to think about it,” Sunghoon says. “You haven’t, though, so take your time.”

Jake doesn’t think he’s ready to talk about it any deeper than they already have, so he just nods. Then he remembers the other lingering question he’s had for a while. “Since we’re on this, is Sunoo okay?”

Sunghoon looks confused. “Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

“Like—” Jake starts, trying to think of the best way to word it. “The Bet is a little concerning. Not The Bet itself, but all the effort he’s putting into it. I heard him telling Jay and Jungwon that they weren’t trying hard enough.”

“Oh,” Sunghoon breathes out. “Yeah. The non-disclosure agreements were… a bit much too. I watched him look up Word Document templates.”

“Is he still hung up on Riki?”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “I think it’s not so much that he’s hung up on him, he’s just bitter about everything that happened after The Breakup—mostly that Riki is ignoring him. From what I know, which isn’t a lot, it’s the fact that Riki pretends like they never happened.”

Jake nods in understanding. He wasn’t even aware that Riki and Sunoo were exes until Jongseong told him.

“I think The Bet is good, though. It at least puts them on speaking terms,” Sunghoon says on the street corner as they wait for all the cars to pass.

“How did Sunoo even make The Bet with Riki if they weren’t speaking before?”

“You know Riki,” Sunghoon says. “He likes games. Making a bet with Sunoo was probably the one thing that would get him to break his vow of silence.”

Jake hums. No arguing that. “Do you think The Plan’s going to work?”

“I’m honestly not sure if The Plan is going to work, since Riki saw them kissing the other day and didn’t bat an eye, but The Bet—odds are good, I’d say.”

Jake can’t help but frown. Is he the only one that sees the major problem with The Bet?

“What?” Sunghoon asks as they cross the street.

“I mean—I thought so at first, but honestly? It depends on Riki.”

“What do you mean?”

“It all hinges on whether Jay and Heeseung stop sleeping together. Heeseung isn’t going to stop on his own, because Heeseung does what he wants, and he wants Jay. And Jay…”

“Isn’t capable of letting go of people he loves?”

Jake laughs. “Yeah, exactly. Riki—I think he’s the only person who could get Jay and Heeseung to end their thing.”

It’s inertia: an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. The object is Heeseung and Jongseong, the unbalanced force is Nishimura Riki.

“How would he do that?”

Jake came to this conclusion the day Sunoo folded him into The Bet and The Plan. He doesn’t know Riki or Heeseung very well, but from what very little he does know about them…

“All Riki has to do is ask Heeseung to stop, and Heeseung will.”

Sunghoon doesn’t say anything; he looks too shocked to speak.

Jake takes a deep breath and decides not to wait for a response. “The thing I don’t get is, out of all of us, Riki is the one who’s closest to Heeseung, so he probably knows about Jay and Heeseung too. I feel like—if he was going to ask Heeseung to stop, he would have already.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know,” Sunghoon mutters after a long pause.

They’re getting close to their apartment, which Jake is immensely thankful for, because he’s starting to shiver from the cold. “Know what? About Jay and Heeseung?”

“That all he has to do is ask.”

Jake lets out a soft puff of laughter. He hadn’t considered that. “Those two—I don’t really get them.”

“Does anyone?” Sunghoon asks.

Finally, they reach the entrance to their building, and Sunghoon languidly pulls out his keycard to the building. Jake brings his arms around his body, shifting his weight from leg to leg impatiently, wishing that Sunghoon was faster at these sorts of things, and also that Sunghoon wasn’t so impervious to the cold. Sunghoon is an ice skater. Jake is from Brisbane, Australia.

He lets out a moan when Sunghoon at last gets the door open, and waddles inside. Sunghoon laughs at him and goes on.

“I used to think that Riki just had a crush on Heeseung, and Heeseung had a soft spot for him. But now, I think it’s more than that.”

Jake scrunches his nose at a possible implication of that. “You mean, like, they’re dating?”

That doesn’t really make any sense.

“No, not even that,” Sunghoon replies, and they start to make their way up the stairs. “They just—get each other, even when no one else does.”

bestie vibes only
7 people

heeseung
lambda @ 11?
pre at mine?

riki
yes

jake
Riki can we talk about how you never talk in here but when Heeseung sends anything u respond in 2secs

riki
shut up virgin

jake
Bro
Im not a virgin wtf

jongseong
Yea hheeseung made srure of that

jake
DUDE???

sunoo
whoa

jungwon
um sorry
me an jay are pregam,ing the pre
and hes a little drunk righ tnow
a lot drunk
i took his phone away
hes currently yellign abt how u desrve it???

sunghoon
well its not like it was the first time he saw jake having sex

jake
Lowkey tho

jungwon
FIGHT CLUB
sorr y that was jay

heeseung
so
lambda @ 11?
pre at mine?

After squeezing in another round, then another one in the shower, Jake and Sunghoon leave their place together, since Jongseong is coming from Jungwon and Sunoo’s, and start walking over to Heeseung’s apartment, only ten minutes away. Eight minutes in, they realize they forgot to bring the alcohol. They play rock-paper-scissors to see who has to double back. Sunghoon loses, and Jake completes the rest of the walk by himself.

He finds Sunoo sitting just inside the building, in the tiny corridor, his back to the locker of mail boxes, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“Hey,” he says, for lack of anything better to say.

“Hey,” Sunoo replies. Even though his voice is muffled through the glass door, it sounds like he’s been crying.

Jake bites his lip. “Could you…?”

Sunoo nods into his hands, then pulls his palms away from his eyes and—alright, he wasn’t crying, but it looks like he was close. He lets Jake into the building and immediately slides down against the wall like before.

“What are you doing here?”

Sunoo sucks in a trembling breath. He digs his fingernails into his palms, looking at the wall in front of him and not at Jake.

“I’m trying my hardest, you know? I know it doesn’t—I know it might not seem that way, but I’m really trying.”

Jake swallows, heart climbing up his throat. He knows what this is about. “I know you are.”

“We didn’t even date for that long, and it’s been months, but—it meant something to me. And—as time passes, it just feels like—I’m the only one who felt that way.”

Jake takes a seat beside Sunoo and frowns. “Did something happen?”

Sunoo shakes his head. “He just—treats me as if I’m a stranger. As if we weren’t—” He cuts himself off and bites down on his bottom lip.

Jake goes to pull him into his arms, but Sunoo immediately pushes him away. “Don’t,” he pleads, voice rough. He manages a smile. It looks painful. “I appreciate it, really, I just—not right now.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you?” Jake asks, feeling powerless—but more than that, confused.

Sunoo shakes his head. “I think I want to be alone right now. I’ll wait for the others to get here.”

Jake nods succinctly. “Of course.”

“You should go inside. I’m fine. Or I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Okay,” Jake says. He stands up even though he wants to stay. He lingers at the door, glancing at Sunoo who doesn’t look any better than when Jake first found him. “Are you sure?”

Sunoo twists around to look at him, and there’s that smile again. It hurts Jake to see Sunoo like this. “I am, yeah. I really appreciate it, but—I’ll be fine.”

Jake doesn’t know much about Sunoo and Riki’s relationship, but he knows The Breakup was terrible.

He also knows that Sunoo is strong, and that he always tries to do the best he can. And as much as you want to be there for your friends, sometimes you have to let them fight their own battles.

“Any time,” Jake says, and it’s with a heavy heart that he leaves Sunoo behind and heads up the stairs to Heeseung’s apartment.

When the door opens, Riki is the one who answers, and all the dots start to connect in Jake’s head.

“Hi,” Riki says, then he tilts his head to the side. “Just you?”

“Sunghoon forgot the alc in the apartment. He’ll be here in a few,” Jake explains, toeing off his shoes. He thinks to mention that Sunoo’s by the entrance, but Riki probably knows that already. Riki definitely caused that. “Where’s Heeseung?” he asks instead. “Is he in his room?”

Riki shakes his head. “Jjongsaeng got too drunk, so Heeseung drove over to pick him and Jungwon up.”

Fantastic, Jake thinks. So that’s why Sunoo is distraught downstairs. Heeseung wasn’t there to act as a buffer. He briefly wonders what Riki must have said, but then realizes that the most probable answer is nothing at all.

“I poured you guys shots,” Riki says, pulling Jake out of his head. “They’re on the kitchen table. I also brought snacks. I got the seaweed ones you like from the mini-mart. They’re on the kitchen island.”

“Oh,” Jake says, “thank you.”

Despite all of Riki’s faults, Jake honestly adores the kid. Riki’s hard to hate, even though he owes Jake somewhere close to two hundred dollars, and Jake is sure Riki doesn’t intend to pay him back ever.

When Jake was down with a fever last month, Riki did all of his compsci homework for him even though Jake never asked him to, and he oddly sent a bouquet of flowers to his apartment. When he effectively killed Jongseong’s laptop in a prank gone too far, he bought Jongseong a brand new laptop even though Jongseong definitely could’ve afforded it himself. Nishimura Riki is sweet at the weirdest times, and he does people favors even when they don’t ask for them; he goes too far sometimes—with words, pranks, and actions—but always makes sure to apologize and make up for it after.

Jake wonders what went wrong with Sunoo.

Riki leaves Jake at the door and heads into Heeseung’s room.

Jake doesn’t know what else to do but follow. Unbothered, Riki bounces onto Heeseung’s bed, picks up his Nintendo Switch that he must have abandoned to let Jake in, and tucks his feet under his butt. Jake peers over and sees that he’s playing Animal Crossing.

He also takes the opportunity to look around the room. It’s been a while since he’s been in Heeseung’s room, let alone his apartment. It hasn’t changed much—Heeseung keeps a monochrome aesthetic, and it’s pretty neat, empty almost—but what sticks out to him is all the colorful artwork that’s hung up on the walls.

That’s new.

But the artwork themselves—those don’t seem new. They’re strangely familiar. Jake isn’t really into art, so he doesn’t know exactly why he recognizes them. He spends so much time staring at all the paintings and sketches, trying to figure out where he’s seen them before, that he doesn’t realize he and Riki haven’t spoken since they were at the door until Riki says, completely unprompted:

“Are you being weird right now because we all know that Heeseung took your gay virginity?” He doesn’t look up from his Switch. Yeah, Jake is going to kill Jongseong the first chance he gets. Riki pulls a vape out of nowhere, takes a hit, then adds, “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve known about it for months and never thought of you or treated you any differently.”

No, that does not make Jake feel any better.

The words themselves are kind, and Jake appreciates them, but they feel more like a targeted attack.

He also internally notes how getting any information out of Lee Heeseung, especially when it’s about or related to himself, is like pulling teeth, but with Riki, he’s suddenly the biggest gossip.

“It’s unrelated to that, thankfully.”

“Oh, good,” Riki says flatly. He looks much too comfortable, just playing a game on Heeseung’s bed. “I was thinking about baking you a congrats on losing your virginity cake, but I’m no good at baking.”

Jake winces. “Yeah. Please don’t do that.”

Riki brings his puff bar back to his mouth. “I won’t,” he says on the exhale.

Jake suddenly gets the feeling that Riki very much will.

They fall back into silence. Jake, awkwardly standing at the foot of the bed, realizes that he has two options: go into the kitchen and take a shot or two, or stay here with Riki. He nearly picks the former, but then he remembers Sunoo.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Only if I’m not locked into answering it,” Riki says. “Or telling the truth.”

Jake laughs. “Sure,” he says, and then hesitates. He gets the question out eventually. “What happened between you and Sunoo just now?”

Riki stiffens, and he brings his knees up to his chest. He still doesn’t look up. “I don’t know. I let him in and he just—I don’t know.”

Getting things out of Riki is proving to be just as difficult as getting things out of Heeseung. Maybe Jake should just get straight to it. “Why are you ignoring him?”

Riki chews on the inside of his mouth for a moment and shrugs. “He’s—my ex-boyfriend. My first love,” he says. This might be the first time Jake’s heard him actually reference what he and Sunoo were. “Are you supposed to be super close with someone like that?”

Jake frowns. “He was also your best friend.”

“Was my best friend,” Riki points out. And maybe Jake gets that. If he had a bad falling out with Jongseong or Sunghoon, he isn’t sure if he could keep up the pretenses that everyone seems to expect Riki to keep up with Sunoo. “I don’t know what to tell you,” Riki continues. “I know it’s awkward, and I know he’s still mad at me. But I don’t know what else I can do.”

It’s now that Jake decides to ask the question that very few people seem to have the answer to—maybe not even Sunoo.

“Can I ask why you guys broke up? Why you broke up with him?”

For the first time throughout this whole conversation, Riki looks up and looks at Jake; his eyes are cold. “No. You can’t.”

Then Riki returns to his game. Jake swallows. Their conversation has ended. He needs to drown himself in alcohol immediately.

It’s in the bright light of the kitchen, too many disposable shot glasses filled with liquor and lined up on the counter, that Jake remembers.

Riki held an art exhibition in December. Jake had stopped by even before he knew who Riki was. It was the talk of the university.

The art on Heeseung’s walls: it’s all Riki’s.

RIKI

Riki met Lee Heeseung entirely by chance.

Heeseung’s friends had rented out an AirBnB, a small house just off-campus, for his birthday party. Riki was sure that he was the only first-year at the house. He knew it was okay, because he was with Sunoo, and Sunoo was invited, and they were a package deal back then. Still, Riki knew he didn’t belong.

It was good at first. Overwhelming, but good. There wasn’t much talking, so Riki didn’t have to turn on his English brain like during the day. Dancing was fun as well, but then the party got crowded, and Riki needed a break.

He asked Sunoo if he wanted to go smoke with him outside, but Sunoo didn’t want to get crossed, so he said no, and Riki went outside on his own.

Sitting at the backyard patio, smoking a joint, was a person Riki had never seen before. Riki was a little drunk, but sober enough to register the warm line of the stranger’s body, stretched out comfortably. He sat on the edge of the chair, heels digging into the grass.

“Can I sit?” Riki asked. His feet were tired from dancing.

The stranger pulled the joint from his mouth and let out a long exhale. “Go ahead,” he said, placing his elbow on the table and gesturing to the empty seat.

Riki sat down and tried to look anywhere but directly across from him. He didn’t know what to say, and his phone was sitting dead in his pocket.

“Do you want a hit?” the stranger asked after a moment. His eyes were lidded, smooth black hair swept back, but with a few strands falling over his eyes.

Riki already had a fresh roll in his pocket, but he wasn’t going to say no. He nodded and reached over the table to pluck the joint from the stranger’s fingertips. He brought the crutch to his mouth and took a long hit.

“So,” the person before him said, “how do you know Heeseung?”

Riki passed the joint back to him, and their fingertips brushed. “I don’t,” Riki responded, then thought about it. “But I know that it’s his birthday today. And I’ve heard some stuff about him.”

The stranger tilted his head to the side. “Like?”

Riki shrugged. “He has sex with a lot of people.”

A laugh rang through the patio. “That he does,” the stranger said cryptically. “Anything else?”

Riki thought about it harder. Most of what he knew about Heeseung was from Sunoo and Jungwon, but neither of them knew him very well either. “That no one knows anything about him other than that he has sex with a lot of people.”

The person before Riki looked weirdly happy about that. He took another drag and let the roll dangle between his fingertips. Then he crooked his fingers toward Riki, and Riki took the joint from him. It was mostly done, but there was enough left for a couple more hits. He passed it back then glanced up. The moon was high and bright, thin clouds sliding across the black expanse of the sky.

“Do you know him?” Riki asked, eyes flicking back down.

He was in the middle of a drag, and when he pulled the crutch from his mouth, smoke billowed into the space between them. He didn’t answer Riki’s question. Instead he asked, “Want last hit?”

Riki shook his head. “You take it,” he replied, reaching into his pocket. “I have another—”

“Sick.”

“Do you have a lighter?” Riki asked, pulling the fresh joint out from the sandwich baggie.

He fished one out from his front pocket and handed it over to Riki, who lit the end as he pulled a drag. Riki handed both the joint and the lighter over.

The high was finally starting to hit Riki: his body felt looser, the world felt calm, even with the pulsing music booming from the house behind them, but the cool breeze made him shiver, his arms lining with goosebumps. He should have worn more than a short-sleeve.

“You look cold.”

Riki smoothed his hands down his thighs, to his knees. “Just a little.”

“Here,” the stranger said, putting the roll down on the table. It continued to burn as he removed his light purple sweatshirt. He offered it to Riki.

Riki lifted a brow. “Are you sure?”

He brandished a smile. “It’s fine, really,” he said, and Riki believed him. “You’re only wearing a tee. You can give it back when you go back inside.”

Riki took it off his hands and quickly pulled it on, the hood falling over his head. He sighed in relief at the new warmth. “Thanks.”

“I never got your name, by the way.”

“Riki. Yours?”

The stranger, now only clad in a white long-sleeve, picked up the joint and brought it to his mouth. His lips closed around the crutch, he pulled a drag and, on the exhale, said, “Heeseung.”

Riki blinked, and then dread pooled in his stomach.

“Don’t worry about it,” Heeseung said with a reassuring smile.

“Sorry,” Riki said, pulling the sleeves of the hoodie over his hands, bunching up the fabric in his palms, shrinking in on himself.

“It’s fine. I found it funny.”

“Still.”

“It’s not like you said anything that wasn’t true.”

Riki bit his lip. “Shouldn’t you get back to the party? It’s yours.”

Heeseung grinned. “Nah. It was fun at first, but now I’m just…”

“Bored?” Riki supplied.

“Yeah, bored,” Heeseung said. “I don’t think anyone misses me, though. They’re all too drunk to notice I’m gone.” He passed the joint to Riki. “What about you?”

Riki leaned back into his chair and stretched his legs under the table. His feet swept across Heeseung’s, and he slowly pulled them back, cheeks warm. “I don’t know any people here other than my boyfriend and our friend.”

“Well,” Heeseung said with a smile, “now you know me.”

Riki hummed. “I guess I do.”

He internet-stalked Heeseung the next day.

It wasn’t anything illegal; he just looked him up on Google and Instagram, and he even logged into his Facebook for the first time since he made it.

Heeseung’s Instagram was private, but it had zero photos and a badly taken photo as his profile picture that barely had his face in it. Facebook was a little more helpful, but Heeseung hadn’t posted anything in the past few years. Google turned up nothing. Riki still had no idea who the guy was; he asked Sunoo and Jungwon, and neither of them had anything insightful to say.

The second time Riki saw Heeseung was also a matter of luck.

It was the Monday after the party, the sun had already set, and the campus was quiet. Riki was skating down the quad when he saw a familiar figure walking along the grass.

“Heeseung!” he called, pulling his AirPods out and putting them away.

Heeseung turned to follow his voice and walked toward him. He had a baseball cap on and an XL hoodie covering his form, his hands shoved in his pockets. Riki skated till the middle point between them, then lifted off the front wheels, dropped his heel down, and dragged the end on the ground. He picked up his board and held it against his leg.

“Riki, hey,” Heeseung said. He glanced at Riki’s skateboard. “Where are you heading to?”

“My boyfriend’s,” Riki said.

“Cool.”

“You?”

Heeseung merely grinned. It took Riki a moment to realize what he wasn’t saying.

Riki’s been working on his conversation skills, going through situations and things to say in his head; it’s easy, well, easier with Sunoo and Jungwon, but it’s still difficult to keep up English with strangers and near-strangers.

“Thank you, by the way,” Riki said. “For—the party.” For hanging out with me at the party. “I still have your hoodie. I can—”

“Keep it. It’s not like it was a favorite, or anything.”

“I feel bad,” Riki said with a frown.

Just as he and Heeseung had finished smoking, both of them riding a pleasant high, Sunoo had bursted out of the house, Jungwon leaning drunkenly into his side. Sunoo had sighed in relief when he saw Riki and dragged him up to his feet, explaining how Jungwon was feeling sick. It had been time for them to head back to campus. Riki had been dragged off before he could remember to give back the hoodie.

“Let me make it up to you,” he insisted. Because that was exactly what Sunoo said the day they met, the day Riki crashed into him. Sunoo was the best person Riki knew.

“Huh?”

“We can smoke again. I have a lot.”

Heeseung chuckled. “Well, I’m not going to say no to free weed.”

“Can I get your number?” Riki asked after an awkward beat.

Heeseung raised his brows then said, “Yeah, sure,” and pulled out his phone, opening his messages app and handing it to Riki.

After sending a message to himself with Heeseung’s name, he gave Heeseung his phone back and asked, “Are you free tomorrow night?”

“I can be,” Heeseung said.

“Cool.” Riki nodded. “I’ll see you then.”

They decided to meet at the skatepark since it was in between Heeseung’s apartment and campus at 10 PM.

“So you’re a compsci major?” Heeseung asked. He was laying flat on the ground beside Riki, looking up at the sky. Riki lost count of how many joints they’d smoked together. It was surprising that Heeseung’s tolerance was just as high as his. Riki couldn’t remember how they got on this topic; he was so stoned he could barely feel his body.

“Probably,” Riki replied, flexing his fingers, palms smoothing down the hard gravel. “I’m taking intro to visual arts, though, and it’s a lot of fun,” he added. When he heard himself, he was surprised. He never talked to people about it, not even Sunoo. Sunoo knew he was taking a visual arts class, of course—even walked him to the arts department every now and then—but when he asked Riki about his assignments and if he could see them, Riki couldn’t help but feel like it was a part of his life that he should keep to himself.

“It’s my first time doing something like it, but I like it a lot,” he went on.

“What was the last piece you did?” Heeseung asked, rolling his head to the side so that he could look at Riki. “Or something you’re working on?”

“A self-portrait. It’s kind of hard. Like—regular portraits are fine, but it’s weird looking at my own face so much. It’s like—is that really what I look like?” Then Riki turned to face Heeseung, his cheek laid on the pavement. “Do you—do art?”

Heeseung laughed. “Not really. I don’t know much about art.”

Riki later finds out that Heeseung is an Art History major who works at an art gallery part-time.

Lee Heeseung, however, actually does know little to nothing about art and has gotten through the past three years bullshitting his way through classes. For fall semester, though, he slept through registration and got put in none of the classes for his major. But he liked them and he had a friend in most of them, so it wasn’t too bad, he once explained.

He doesn’t like telling people he’s an art history major—not because he’s embarrassed, but because he genuinely doesn’t actually know much about art and doesn’t want people to talk to him about it.

“You don’t need to know a lot about art to do it,” Riki found himself saying, now looking at the moon. “You would be better at art if you knew the techniques and everything, the history too maybe, but you can still make art, I think. Art is good even when it’s bad. And it’s fun.”

That’s the most important part, Riki thought, but didn’t say.

Heeseung hummed, and Riki glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. He was smiling.

“You know, Riki-san, you’re different when you’re high.”

Riki reeled. “Huh?”

“You seem like you try a lot more when you’re sober,” Heeseung said.

Riki frowned, and something clawed at his throat. “What does that mean?” he asked, even though he knew exactly what Heeseung was talking about.

Heeseung made a non-committal noise. “It’s not a bad thing. Trying is good.”

“What about not trying?”

“Also good,” Heeseung answered.

Riki furrowed his brows together; the anxiety in his chest dissipated, replaced with a buzzing warmth. “So everything’s good.”

Heeseung grinned at him. “Everything’s good.”

“You’re so high.”

“I am so high,” Heeseung said. “You know what else is so high? The sky.”

Riki giggled so hard his stomach hurt. It was the high, but it was also Heeseung.

Heeseung was laughing too, his mouth pulled into a wide smile, his eyes folded into half-moons.

Riki rolled over onto his side; his forehead subsequently pressed into Heeseung’s shoulder. He couldn’t escape the feeling that he belonged here.

“You’re fun,” Heeseung said once they’d both calmed down.

“I know,” Riki replied, propping himself up on his elbow, smiling at Heeseung.

“We should hang out more,” said Heeseung.

Riki’s chest was warm. “We should.”

And they did.

“What did you do to Sunoo the other night?” Jungwon asks as he takes a seat next to Riki in the lecture hall. They’re in Linear Algebra together, and the professor likes to wait a few minutes as people trickle in before starting. The hall is filled with chatter.

Riki doesn’t look up from his phone. “What?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Jungwon says.

Riki’s having a heated debate with Heeseung about Little Nightmares. Riki thinks it’s boring. Heeseung thinks it’s the greatest game ever invented.

“I didn’t do anything,” Riki says as he types out, every single level is the same. the jumpscares are mid too.

“Riki,” Jungwon says.

the mechanics are so good tho. like the physics is accurate and the monsters are so creepy, Heeseung has replied. you should give it a second chance.

“Riki,” Jungwon says, firmer this time. When Riki doesn’t respond, he reaches over and presses the off button on his phone. “Look at me.”

Riki finally does, biting down on his lip when he sees the angry look on Jungwon’s face.

“What happened on Friday night?”

“Nothing,” Riki says. Because really, nothing did happen. He let Sunoo into Heeseung’s apartment, and it was awkward, so he retreated into Heeseung’s room, closed the door, logged into Animal Crossing on his Switch, and that was that. He heard the front door slam shut a few moments later, and next thing he knew, Jake came knocking.

Jungwon sighs. “I think it’s time we talked about it.”

“About what?” Riki asks, putting his phone down on the desk.

“The Breakup. We’ve never—I’ve tried to give you space, but lately—” Jungwon cuts off with a frown.

“Lately what?”

Jungwon chews on his lip, then looks right at Riki. “You know what Sunoo told me? That it feels like you never cared about him at all. And you know what? I can see it.”

“I did care about him,” Riki says. His throat feels tight, and there’s something aching deep in his chest. “I still care about him.”

“I find that really hard to believe, with how you’ve been acting.”

Riki clenches his hand into a fist by his side. He looks at his phone, face-down on the desk. There’s still the puffy Gudetama sticker Sunoo gifted him, positioned in the bottom right corner. Riki never had the heart to peel it off. “I don’t know what you all want me to do.”

“You don’t need to be friends again, but you can’t keep acting like there wasn’t ever anything between you two. You’re both part of the same friend group now. You see him on a near daily basis. What you’re doing—treating him like a stranger—isn’t fair to him.”

Riki looks at Jungwon. “But is what you want me to do fair to me?”

Neither of them say anything for a long moment. It’s Jungwon who breaks the silence. “If you still care about him, then why are you ignoring him? Can’t you see how much that hurts him?”

Riki feels like he owes it to Jungwon to give him at least a semblance of something real.

“When I look at him,” he says quietly, “I’m reminded of the person I was trying to be.”

“What?“ Jungwon asks, eyes wide.

Riki already regrets saying it. He shakes his head. “Can we not talk about this anymore? I’m sorry. I just don’t want to get into it.”

Jungwon purses his mouth. “Riki, I’m your friend.”

Riki sucks in a breath. “I know, and I’m really sorry, but even so—I don’t think you’d get it.”

Jungwon’s mouth opens, brows furrowing, and he sucks in a harsh breath.

“One day,” he spits out, grabbing his backpack and getting up, “I hope you learn to stop pushing people out for not understanding you when you don’t even give them a chance to understand.”

The professor’s voice resonantes through the hall, amplified by her microphone. “Sorry everyone, the projector was being difficult. Onto upper triangular matrices…”

The door slams behind Jungwon. No one stirs.

The weeks leading into The Breakup, Riki barely saw Sunoo.

He usually came over to Sunoo and Jungwon’s in his free nights to game, do homework together, or just enjoy each other’s company. In the afternoons, before or after their classes, they would go out on dates or simply laze about on the quad together, head to the skatepark or the dining hall. They wouldn’t go a single day without seeing each other.

But then Riki started going over to Heeseung’s apartment in his free nights to game, do homework together, and enjoy each other’s company. He wouldn’t hang out with Heeseung in place of Sunoo, but—instead of Sunoo. Heeseung was not Sunoo’s replacement; Heeseung was—Heeseung. He was a choice.

“I miss you,” Sunoo said when Riki came over, grabbing his hand and pouting severely. Jungwon was out with Jongseong, so it was just the two of them in the room. “We haven’t seen each other all week.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Riki said, letting his backpack fall to the floor. “I’ve just—been with Heeseung a lot.”

Sunoo’s mouth pinched into a line. “You’re spending a lot of time with him.”

Riki dropped Sunoo’s hand, and Sunoo’s gaze lowered momentarily. “He’s my friend.”

Sunoo tilted his head to the side. “Just a friend?”

Riki recoiled at the implication. “What else would he be?” he asked, voice rougher. “I’m not—cheating on you.”

“Just making sure.”

“Making sure?” Riki repeated.

“I don’t know,” Sunoo said, and he started to pace around the room, shoulders stilted. Riki still hadn’t taken his shoes off. “You’re just always really happy when you talk about him. And you seem different lately.”

Riki lifted a brow. “I do?”

Sunoo turned to look at him and nodded. “I can’t explain it. You’re just different.”

“Is that a problem?” Riki asked.

Sunoo’s face stiffened. “It’s an observation.”

Riki still likes all the same things. He still likes Sunoo. He just—isn’t as desperate to be something as he was before. Isn’t as desperate to be someone who was liked, someone who belonged.

Sunoo was someone who belonged.

“I like who I am now,” Riki said, defensively. He clenched a fist by his side, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

They stared at each other for a moment, drawn-out, and for the first time in weeks, Riki really thought about it—what they were and how they felt for each other—and he realized he didn’t know if he still felt the same way, didn’t know if he still wanted them to be what they were.

“I like who you are now too,” Sunoo replied.

It sounded like a lie.

But here’s the thing: Riki wasn’t sure if he really thought Sunoo was lying, or if he was just looking for a way out.

He broke up with Sunoo the next day.

Riki is lying on the carpet of Heeseung’s living room, high as a kite. Heeseung is beside him, but upside down; his feet are by Riki’s head. Riki stares at the ceiling fan as it whirls.

“What do you think I should do?” Riki asks. “About Sunoo.”

He told Heeseung about how Jungwon had yelled at him in the morning; it was eating at him all during class, and he went to Heeseung’s apartment as soon as both of them were free. They smoked a few blunts outside, and Riki can barely feel his fingertips.

“Do you have to do anything?” Heeseung asks, poking Riki’s neck with his toe.

“Jungwon wants me to talk to him again,” Riki says, grabbing Heeseung’s foot and shoving it away from his face. “I just don’t know if I can do it.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Heeseung says.

Riki sits up and frowns at Heeseung. The world spins for a moment. “But is that okay?”

Heeseung shrugs, shoulders shifting on the floor. “Maybe not. But sometimes it’s okay to do things that aren’t okay.”

Riki snorts, scooting closer until he’s sitting near one of Heeseung’s hands. “You’re a really bad influence on me.”

Heeseung laughs and says, “I know.” Then he cracks his fingers against the carpet, by Riki’s foot, humming in consideration. “But, I think sometimes there are things you should do, even if you don’t want to do them or don’t have to do them.”

Riki squints. “You’re making no sense.”

“I’m kind of just saying things,” Heeseung admits. Riki drags his eyes along the slope of his nose, down the ridges of his throat, and notices that Heeseung’s shirt is riding slightly up his stomach. He snaps his gaze back up.

“What would you do, if you were in my position?”

Heeseung taps his fingers on Riki’s ankle. “I’d tell him everything you’ve told me.”

The only person Riki ever told about Sunoo, why and how he ended things with him, was Heeseung.

They were playing games in Heeseung’s room, sharing Pocky and half spilled over each other’s laps.

“I heard about you and Sunoo, by the way,” Heeseung said, a thumb rapidly smashing the A button. He was so bad at Mario Kart it was funny.

“How?” Riki asked, perpendicular to Heeseung, legs laid flat over Heeseung’s. It had only been thirty minutes. He went to Heeseung’s right after.

“Jongseong’s friends with Jungwon, and Jungwon’s…” Heeseung bagged Bullet Bill and it took him from eleventh place to sixth.

Riki nodded. He threw a blue shell behind his character. He was already in first place with a large gap; Princess Peach was just mindlessly cruising, at this point. “Makes sense.”

This is the thing about Lee Heeseung: he doesn’t push. He told Riki that he knew about the breakup, but he didn’t ask what happened.

Riki found himself telling Heeseung anyway. He didn’t need to explain himself to Heeseung; he knew that, but he wanted to.

“I really needed him. When we met—I knew no one, and my English was bad, but he didn’t care and—I really, really loved him. And he really loved me. I needed him. And then…”

“And then you stopped needing him,” Heeseung finished without any judgement. Just—something that felt a lot like understanding. That was the moment Riki knew, some part of him, at least, that if even no one else in the world understood him, that would be okay, because Heeseung would, and Heeseung would always be there.

“Yeah,” Riki said, chewing on the inside of his cheek, “I did.” He curled his legs inward till his Achilles’ heels were pressed against Heeseung’s thigh. “I just—I feel so guilty.”

“Because it was easy?” Heeseung supplied.

“Because it was easy,” Riki repeated and swallowed the lump in his throat. Heeseung always knew the words that Riki couldn’t articulate himself. “He cried a lot. I feel bad.”

“Did you cry?” Heeseung asked, wrapping an arm around one of Riki’s knees.

“No, but I feel like I should have.”

“You can’t force things like that.”

“I know. I just—wish that it was a harder decision to make.”

“That means you care, Riki. You still care about him.”

Riki took in a deep, trembling breath, and it was strange. When Riki broke Sunoo’s heart thirty minutes before and watched him pick up the pieces, he hadn’t shed a single tear—there weren’t even any tears for him to suppress. But this conversation with Heeseung, who was three years older than Riki, a senior graduating in the spring whom he met completely by chance, who against all odds became his best friend—it might’ve been the kicker.

“I really do,” Riki said, voice cracking. He meant it.

They hadn’t looked at each other once the whole conversation, their eyes focused on the small Switch screen propped up before them, but then Heeseung looked at him, dropped his controller to the side, and pulled Riki into his chest. Yogi subsequently fell off the road.

“Hey,” Heeseung muttered into the top of Riki’s head, “I got you.”

Riki sucked in another quivering breath. The stupid Mario Kart music played on in the background. “He was my best friend.”

“I know,” Heeseung whispered and stroked Riki’s hair.

“We just—” Riki swallowed a small sob and squeezed his eyes shut. “We just grew apart.”

“And that’s okay,” Heeseung said, and Riki tried his hardest to believe him.

There was also everything Riki didn’t say: He was my best friend, but now you are. Me and Sunoo grew apart, but me and you grew closer. He had all the words in his head, in the back of his throat, but he didn’t think any of them needed to be said.

Heeseung heard it all, anyway.

So, The Bet.

That night, Sunoo grabbed Riki’s wrist, led him away from the group, and said, “Do you want to make a bet?”

Riki was confident he would win, and he still is. He sees the way Jungwon looked at Jongseong, and the way Jongseong looks back.

The only problem is the way that Jongseong looks at Heeseung.

He also knows about The Plan. Jake can’t keep secrets when he’s drunk, so Riki took the opportunity to ask him why, at the party, Jungwon and Jongseong were making out and continually sneaking glances at Riki, as if to make sure he saw, and Jake ended up spilling everything.

Riki needs an in, something that will allow them to sit down and talk to each other, and the easiest way to get that to happen is to play into The Plan. He texts Sunoo, i want to raise the stakes, along with a time and a place.

At 10 PM, they meet on the balcony the seven of them had smoked on the night he and Sunoo made The Bet. Riki gets there early, bouncing his knee and practicing the vape tricks Heeseung taught him as he waits. He looks up every now and then to glance at the nightsky, but the moon and stars are safely hidden behind an abundance of clouds, so it’s not much of a sight.

When Sunoo arrives, Riki looks up and says, “Five-hundred dollars.”

Sunoo’s eyes pop out of their sockets. “What? Do you even have that money?”

“Google, remember?” Riki says. They pay him way too much for the little work he does for them.

Sunoo nods. “Right. Um, if you’re sure. Yeah. Five-hundred dollars.”

And then neither of them say anything. Sunoo looks unsure whether he should stay or not.

“Come sit,” Riki says, not wanting to waste this chance. He pats the seat next to him.

Sunoo raises a cautious brow. “Are you, like, on something?” he asks with a pained laugh. “Because the Riki I know would rather throw himself off this balcony than sit here with me.”

Riki bites his inner cheek. He deserves that. “I wanted to talk. About everything,” he mumbles, looking at the ground.

“If Jungwon put you up to this—”

“He didn’t,” Riki says. “I mean, he did. But—he was right, I think.”

I hope you learn to stop pushing people out for not understanding you when you don’t even give them a chance to understand.

After a moment of consideration, Sunoo sits down. He turns to look at Riki. “If we’re going to do this, I want to know everything. I want to start from the beginning.” His voice is shaking, and Riki swallows in preparation. “Why did you break up with me, really?”

Riki curls his hands into fists by his knees.

“You never told me, you know?” Sunoo asks, then takes a trembling breath. “You asked me if you could come over, sat me down, said, ‘I want to break up,’ and then watched me as I cried. You couldn’t even touch me. Every time I asked you why you were breaking up with me, you said, ‘Thank you for the past two months.’ You never actually told me why.”

Riki bows his head. “I’m sorry.” But that’s not enough, and he knows it.

“Was it because of Heeseung?” Sunoo asks.

Riki finally lifts his head. Sunoo’s eyes are wet, and Riki’s throat is tight. “It wasn’t, I swear it wasn’t.”

“Then what was it?”

Breaking up with Sunoo was easy, but admitting why is one of the hardest things he has ever had to do.

Riki can’t look at him when he says, “I grew up.” I grew up, away from you and toward him, he doesn’t say.

Sunoo laughs, then tilts his head back to look at the dark, moonless sky. “So what was I, then? Just a childish phase of yours?”

“No,” Riki insists, shaking his head as hard and desperate as he can because he’s always been better at expressing how he feels with action than with words. But he doesn’t think Sunoo knows that, so he’ll just have to try harder. “You were so much more than that. You were—”

“Tell me something real, please. Because I still feel like you’re holding back. Tell me something real.”

Riki swallows, digging his fingernails into his palms. Okay, okay. I’ll give you something real. “It was so hard for me,” he says quietly. “Coming here, barely speaking the language, knowing no one and feeling like I didn’t belong, but then—I met you, and you—you became everything to me.”

“It was all about you, wasn’t it?” Sunoo says, and Riki swallows again over the sharp lump in his throat. “We did it all on your own time, and you broke up with me as soon as you stopped wanting me. Did you even try?”

“I’m sorry that when I finally got a footing, I didn’t—” Riki cuts himself off, his voice cracking.

“Didn’t what?”

Riki can’t say it. He admitted it once, to Heeseung, but even then, he hadn’t even been the one to say it. He isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to say it at all.

“I didn’t know who I was back then,” he decides, and he glances at Sunoo whose brows are knitted and mouth is pleated into a wobbling line. “But I knew I was trying to be you.”

“What does that mean?”

Riki places his hands over Sunoo’s, and Sunoo twitches violently, like he’s going to yank them away, but he doesn’t. He lets Riki wrap his cold hands over his.

“I liked you so much,” Riki whispers, blinking when he realizes that his eyes are stinging. “You were the best person I knew, and I looked up to you. I loved everything about you. You were so good and liked by everyone, and I—wanted to be just like you. Because I loved you.”

Sunoo runs a thumb along Riki’s wrist, rubbing a circle into his pulsepoint. “You know,” he starts slowly, “I’ve been wondering this for a long time. Did you love me? Or did you just love the way I loved you?”

It was real, the way Riki felt about Sunoo; he knew it from the way he always wanted to be with Sunoo, until he didn’t; from the way his heart would beat terrifyingly fast whenever Sunoo was around, until it didn’t; from the way that Sunoo felt so right between his arms at night—until he didn’t. The Nishimura Riki who loved Sunoo is not the same Nishimura Riki who sits here tonight. And it’s a terrifying thought, knowing how much you’ve changed and having tangible evidence for the change.

“I loved you,” Riki says, and that’s real. He knows that’s real, just as much as he knows he doesn’t love him anymore.

“And then you stopped,” Sunoo says. Riki nods, sucking in a breath when he feels tears drip down to his pants.

“But I didn’t—you have to understand that I didn’t—” Riki takes a long moment to calm down, to swallow the knife in his throat and breathe. “I didn’t stop caring about you. I still care about you, and I know it doesn’t seem that way, and I know I don’t show it and I know that I haven’t ever shown it since we broke up, but I just—I care about myself too.”

“Oh,” Sunoo says. Riki pulls his hands away, but Sunoo tugs them back into his own lap. “Riki—”

“I’m sorry. It’s just that—looking at you, it hurts. It’s so hard, and it’s so embarrassing. I didn’t—I didn’t like who I was back then, but I liked you, and I was—I was trying so hard. To be like you. To be someone who belonged. And every time I look at you, I’m reminded of how much I hated who I actually was back then, and I’m just so embarrassed.”

Sunoo squeezes his hands, and it takes everything Riki has not to run away. They sit there in silence for a long time, but it’s a half-silence because Riki is sniffling and there are hot tears falling down his face and he can’t wipe them away because Sunoo is holding his hands.

“Thank you,” Sunoo says after so much time has passed that Riki’s tears have dried, that his heart feels not as heavy as it did before.

“For what?” Riki chokes out wetly. He’s exhausted. Everything about this has been exhausting.

“For being honest with me. For—giving me something real.”

“It’s so hard,” Riki whispers, feeling like he’s going to cry again.

“I know. I know it is, and—it makes me really happy that you did it anyway. All this time, I’d—I was just left wondering what went wrong. What I did wrong, and if I could’ve done better.”

“I’m sorry,” Riki says again. “For everything. And I’ll do better. I promise.”

“Baby steps,” Sunoo says. “And I’ll try to do better, too. I’ll try to understand where you’re coming from, too.”

Riki nods. “Okay.”

Sunoo lets go of his hands. Riki takes the opportunity to wipe his face with the back of his sleeve. They leave the balcony together, Riki following after Sunoo. Once they reach the bottom of the stairs, Sunoo says, “I can walk you back to your dorm. It’s on the way to mine.”

Riki shakes his head. “I, um, I think I’ll go to Heeseung’s instead. Thank you, though, I appreciate it.”

Sunoo doesn’t look surprised. “It’s no problem. Tell Heeseung I say hi, okay?”

Riki nods, and Sunoo turns around on his heels. He shoots a text to Heeseung, asking if it’s okay for him to come over. As soon as he gets the okay, he starts to make his way there.

Last month, Heeseung gave Riki the code to his building as well as a spare key; Riki was always coming over, and it was becoming a hassle for Heeseung having to let Riki into his building each time.

Heeseung is lying on the bed, reading a textbook propped up on his pillow when Riki comes in, slipping off his jacket and draping it over Heeseung’s desk chair. The older doesn’t stir at all when Riki crawls under the covers and tucks himself by his side.

“Can I sleep over again?” Riki asks, poking Heeseung’s shoulder.

Heeseung laughs and shuts his book, putting it on his bedside table. Glasses are perced on the bridge of his nose, his hair is slightly damp, and there’s a toothpaste stain on the front of his shirt. “Have I ever said no to you?”

Riki giggles tiredly, wraps his arms around Heeseung’s waist, and closes his eyes.

Then Heeseung pinches his cheek. “Hey, if you’re going to fall asleep immediately, at least change into pajamas.”

Riki grumbles, reluctantly unweaving himself from Heeseung and scurrying over to Heeseung’s drawers, grabbing the first long-sleeve and pair of sweatpants he finds. Dragging his feet, he scuttles over to the bathroom, changes into Heeseung’s clothes, washes his face, and grabs the spare toothbrush Heeseung bought for him. Once he’s done getting ready for bed, he scoots back into the warm covers, making a zombie-like groan when he tumbles on top of Heeseung with a soft thud, presses his face to Heeseung’s neck, and hooks his leg around Heeseung’s shin. He’ll tell Heeseung about what happened with Sunoo tomorrow.

“Remind me,” Heeseung says, carding his fingers through Riki’s hair, “were you always this tall?”

Riki shakes his head into Heeseung’s shoulder. Heeseung’s hand feels nice. “I had a growth spurt two years ago.”

“I would’ve liked to have seen Tiny Riki. I bet he was cute,” Heeseung says with a laugh.

“He was.” Riki never told Heeseung about all the photos his parents took of him when he was a kid and posted on the internet, and he isn’t ever going to. He would never hear the end of it.

“You’re still cute now,” Heeseung says. Riki pulls back from his neck to see the look on his face. Heeseung is smiling. Riki glares at him.

“I don’t want to be cute.”

“You did,” Heeseung points out, “when I first met you.”

“Yeah,” Riki says with a frown, “but I didn’t know who I was back then.”

Heeseung hums, brushing Riki’s bangs away from his face. “Who are you now?”

There are a lot of answers to that question. Riki is Riki. He’s also a dancer, an artist, a skater, someone who’s good with computers, but Riki was all of that even before he met Heeseung. None of that is new, and none of that will change.

Your best friend, he thinks, which is better, but it doesn’t sound right either.

He smiles as soon as he realizes the answer he was looking for.

“Your person,” Riki says.

Heeseung’s eyes soften. “Yeah, you’re my person,” he says, and he smooths his hand over the top of Riki’s head and pulls him back to his neck. “My Riki.”

“My Heeseung,” Riki hums back.

With Sunoo, Riki wanted to be something he wasn’t.

He loved Sunoo for who he was, and he admired him. Kim Sunoo was bright and confident and snarky and loved to have fun. He was fearless and pretty and caring and never hid who he was.

Riki did, when he was with Sunoo. He felt like he had to.

Riki doesn’t blame Sunoo for the way he felt. It was just—how it was. Back then, when they met, Riki knew no one, had a shaky grasp of English, and didn’t want to be off-putting. Sunoo was just so loved by everyone, and Riki loved him too, and he wanted to be like him.

But then he grew up, and he realized that the only way you could become comfortable with the person you were was to stop trying to be someone else.

Correlation is not causation. Riki did not break up with Sunoo because he stopped loving him; he broke up with Sunoo because he stopped being the person who loved Sunoo. There’s a difference there; it’s a slight difference, but it matters.

Riki didn’t break up with Sunoo because he wanted to be with Heeseung, either. He likes spending time with Heeseung and he likes being his best friend. He isn’t looking for anything more. Really.

Most of all, Riki knows how they feel about each other, even if they’ve never talked about it. He knows where they stand.

He didn’t break up with Sunoo because of Heeseung. In fact, Heeseung had nothing to do with it.

Sure, Riki met Heeseung three weeks before he broke up with Sunoo, but correlation is not causation.

Heeseung is a mystery to everyone; he was even to Riki at first. He does what he wants, isn’t afraid to be who he is, and lives life lightly but with catastrophic force. Most of all, he makes Riki feel like he belongs. He’s always there for Riki. He understands the words that Riki isn’t able to say. He never pushes. He’s funny and sweet, and Riki loves just being with him, around him. He watches Riki paint and sketch and oftentimes there’s this look in his eyes that says, You’re amazing. He never says it. He doesn’t need to say it.

With Sunoo, it was hard, and they were so different, but Riki loved him anyway, and he tried so hard to be like Sunoo, because Sunoo was the best person he knew. But then he met Heeseung, and it was easy, and he stopped trying to be someone he wasn’t, and—

Okay, maybe Heeseung had everything to do with The Breakup.

HEESEUNG

side hustle
6 people

sunoo
great news
the bet is up to $500

jongseong
Holy shit

jake
Um if you lose do we all have to pay

sunoo
you’d know if read the NDA contracts
but yes you do

jake
WHAT

sunghoon
WAIT WHAT
EVEN ME?

sunoo
yes even you
but im not losing
right guys?

jongseong
Ofc you’re not

jungwon
yeah
ofc not 🙄

sunghoon
…

jake
…

Heeseung sucks in a breath when he reads through last night’s messages, especially Jungwon’s response to Jongseong. He continues scanning through missed texts, and he scrolls past most of them, but lands on one from Jongseong, time stamped around midnight.

jongseong
U up?

It’s still early, a few minutes past 9 AM, but Jongseong should be in class right about now. He’s bound to be awake, so Heeseung texts him back.

heeseung
sorry about last night
riki came over
we slept early

jongseong
Nw
Are u free tn then?

Riki makes a noise. Heeseung looks down and sees that he’s starting to wake up. Riki unwraps his long arms from Heeseung’s waist, rolling onto his back and rubbing at his bleary eyes.

“Good morning,” Heeseung says. Now that Riki’s awake, he sits up on the headboard.

“Urgh,” Riki mumbles. He sits up against the headboard until he’s shoulder to shoulder with Heeseung.

Heeseung continues to text Jongseong, then checks his calendar to see when and if he’s free today. He types out, can you do 1015, but feels Riki place his chin on his shoulder. He looks over at Riki and sees him looking over at his phone and frowning.

“What’s up?”

Riki’s mouth pinches together. Heeseung thinks he looks cute. “Are you serious about Jongseong?”

Heeseung blinks. “Huh?”

Riki sits back against the headboard again. “Do you know about The Bet?”

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Of course I know about The Bet.”

“Do you also know about the plan to make me up the stakes?”

Heeseung laughs. “I do. How do you know about that?”

Riki shrugs. “Jake is very talkative when he’s drunk.”

“If you knew about it, then why’d you raise it to five-hundred dollars?”

“Because their plan is going to backfire, obviously,” he says, bringing the covers up to his chest. But he looks at Heeseung and frowns. “You’re the problem, though.”

Heeseung tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Riki sighs. “The Bet would be over a lot quicker if you and Jongseong weren’t hooking up in secret.”

Heeseung’s eyes widen. “How do you…”

“You guys sneak off together. A lot. Everyone has noticed. It’s not really much of a secret,” Riki replies. “He’s in love with you. He’s in love with Jungwon too, but…”

“I’m in the way?” Heeseung asks, quirking a brow up.

Riki presses his lips together. “I think so.”

Heeseung turns his phone off and sets it to the side. He tilts his head until it falls to rest in the crook of Riki’s neck. “Do you want me to stop? With him?”

“Don’t ask me that,” Riki says with a chuckle. “I have five-hundred dollars riding on this. I’m biased. Of course I want you to stop.”

And it really, really sounds like that’s all there is to it, that if it weren’t for The Bet, Riki wouldn’t care what he and Jongseong do. And Heeseung knows that that’s the truth; all in all, Riki doesn’t really care what Heeseung does with other people.

“But if you’re serious about Jongseong,” Riki goes on, “then what I want doesn’t matter.”

Heeseung chews on his bottom lip and sits up straight. “Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know,” Heeseung says, looking at Riki. “I can’t explain it—”

“You don’t need to.”

“But I want to explain it,” Heeseung says. Because it’s you, he keeps inside. “I’m not desperate for it. It’s not something I want more than I want, like, a good time, I guess. I could stop whenever I wanted and go back to what I was doing before, but it’s just easy with him. Comfortable and safe. And I think that’s what’s keeping me from ending things with him, even though I know I should.”

Riki hums, then he glances at Heeseung out of the corner of his eye. “I feel comfortable and safe with you,” he says, and Heeseung hears what Riki doesn’t say.

“Yeah,” Heeseung exhales, tipping his head back to laugh. “I do too. But it’s different with you than it is with him.”

“In what way?”

Riki is always looking at him. Heeseung knows this. Riki looks at Heeseung a lot like Jongseong looks at him—with stolen glances, wandering eyes, and something that Heeseung has learned is love.

But this is the difference: when Riki looks at Heeseung, he is not trying to find anything.

“You don’t expect anything from me,” Heeseung ends up saying.

Riki shakes his head. “That’s not true. I expect to have fun with you.”

“But that’s it,” Heeseung objects.

Riki looks like he thinks about it for a long moment, before acquiescing, “I guess so.”

“He expects—I think he expects me to change my mind, one day,” Heeseung says quietly. “I think he’s waiting for me to.”

“Do you love him?” Riki asks, as casually as asking about the weather.

Heeseung knows the answer; he’s always known it. “No. I don’t. At least not in the way he loves me.”

Riki hums, and then he grins all bright and boyish. “What about me?”

You already know the answer to that one, Heeseung thinks, but doesn’t say. Instead, he says, “I’ll stop—with Jongseong.”

Riki’s mouth hangs open for a moment. “Why?”

Heeseung smiles. The reason why is simple. “Because I want you to win The Bet.”

Riki blinks owlishly, and his throat bobs. “Thank you,” he says under his breath, hands fisting over the covers.

Heeseung’s smile grows. Riki is cute when he’s being sincere. “C’mon,” he says gently, “we should start getting ready for class.”

Riki groans. “I think I’m just going to wear this,” he says, and Heeseung remembers that Riki borrowed his clothes last night.

“Wouldn’t be the first time you stole my clothes and didn’t give them back,” Heeseung laughs, sliding out of bed.

“Hey, you’ve always said it was okay!” Riki says with a pout, standing up as well.

Heeseung rolls his eyes and pats Riki on the head. “I’m joking. Steal as much from me as you want,” he says, and he turns around and heads toward the bathroom. When he’s at the door, quietly, but just loud enough for Riki to hear, he adds, “It’s all basically yours already.”

This is the thing: Heeseung knows how they feel about each other, and he knows that Riki knows how they feel about each other.

They’ll just take their time. It’s a forever thing, whatever it is that they have, anyway.

JUNGWON

Yang Jungwon knows a lot of things. Organic chemistry, multivariable calculus, basic quantum physics, Korean, Spanish, Latin, CPR, and how to do the Heimlich maneuver. He knows that the earth is 238,900 miles away from the moon, 93 million miles away from the sun, and spins at a rate of approximately a thousand miles per hour. He knows that he was born on the 9th of February, that he’s an Aquarius, and that he loves Park Jongseong and has loved him since the day they’ve met.

He knows that Jongseong feels the same way.

He knows it by the way Jongseong touches him, angles his body toward him whenever they’re talking to each other, kicks a foot between his ankles and keeps it there if they’re sitting close enough. He knows it by the way Jongseong cards his fingers through the back of his head, hugs him from behind instead of saying hello, rests his chin on Jungwon’s shoulder, breathes him in, and tells him he smells good.

Jongseong loves him back—Jungwon knows this just as he knows the earth is round and orbits the sun.

He also knows that Jongseong loves Heeseung too.

He sees it in the way Jongseong’s eyes linger whenever Heeseung is in the room, something like longing and want in his gaze. He sees it in Jongseong’s smile when Heeseung tells a joke, whether it’s funny or not, especially when it’s not. He sees it in the way Jongseong blushes each time Heeseung makes fun of him, lightheartedly, because Heeseung never does or says anything with that much gravity—at the same time, though, he’s a calamity, leaves nothing but devastation behind him, and never blinks an eye.

But Jungwon also knows this: there is enough love in Jongseong’s heart for the both of them, even if only one of them will love him the way he wants them to be loved back.

Jongseong wears his heart on his sleeve, never tries to hide anything, and Jungwon has good eyesight; he can see it all clearly, everything Jongseong is and wants to be. That’s one of the many reasons why Jungwon loves him. He can see how Jongseong’s heart bleeds out on the ground every time Heeseung chooses Riki over the rest of them, but he also sees how Jongseong picks his beating heart up himself, staples it back on his sleeve. It bleeds and beats red, red, red.

Sunoo always lectures Jungwon about it—how he should get over Jongseong, because why would you settle for only half?

Sunoo doesn’t believe in love anymore after Riki shattered his heart and ruined his life like it was just another Sunday to him, and a part of Jungwon doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forgive Riki for what he did to Sunoo, but the more Jungwon thinks about it, there might not be anything that Riki needs to be forgiven for.

Maybe it’s because of Riki, maybe it isn’t, that Sunoo doesn’t get it. He really doesn’t. The thing about Jongseong loving Jungwon in halves is that, even so, it’s still so much. Jungwon isn’t settling—he knows his self-worth enough not to. When it comes to loving and being loved by Jongseong, it’s like someone knitting you a sweater. Crafted with love, and you love it despite and for all its imperfections. Because it really doesn’t matter that they may be knitting sweaters for other people—the fact is, they made it, that specific sweater, with you in mind.

Jungwon also knows that Jongseong feels guilty about it, knows that it’s the one thing that’s kept them from dating, from going the whole mile—how he feels for Heeseung. Jongseong tears himself up over it; whenever he’s caught looking at Heeseung when Jungwon is also in the room, he rips his eyes away like he’s just committed a crime.

Jungwon, desperately, wants Jongseong to know that it’s okay to feel how he feels.

Love is like that. It happens to you. It’s something you can’t help, can’t control.

Even if Jungwon could help it, even if he wanted to take Sunoo’s advice and move on, he wouldn’t. He likes it, being in love. Especially because it’s with someone as good as Jongseong. The love Jongseong gives him will always be more than enough.

Which is why, when Jongseong calls him at midnight, sounding like he’s just been crying, he barely gets a word out before Jungwon tells him to come over, asks him where he is, if he needs to be picked up, if he’s okay. Jongseong lets out a wet laugh, says, “I’m fine, I’ll be there in twenty,” and hangs up.

Jungwon waits outside on the entrance steps of his building for those twenty minutes. Sunoo is staying the night at Jongseong’s apartment with Jake and Sunghoon—Jungwon doesn’t quite know what’s going on between them, and he’s honestly afraid to ask—so Jungwon has the room to himself. When he sees a familiar figure walk into the courtyard, Jungwon snaps to his feet and runs over to Jongseong.

“Hey,” he greets, grabbing Jongseong’s hands. Jongseong doesn’t look at him, just stares at their feet, and he doesn’t say anything either. Jungwon wordlessly tugs him inside the building.

Once they’re all settled in Jungwon’s room, their coats off, sitting on the carpet and facing each other, Jongseong takes a deep breath and starts, “Me and Heeseung. You knew about us, right?”

Jungwon nods. Instantly, he understands the situation.

“We ended things,” Jongseong admits. “I mean—he ended things with me.”

“Why?” Jungwon asks. He was sure they wouldn’t stop until after graduation, that they’d keep going as they’d always gone. Nothing seemed to stop them—not Jungwon, not Riki.

But that’s not to say that Jungwon hasn’t thought about it before, what would happen if Heeseung and Jongseong stopped sneaking around together. Jungwon thought he would be happy, but right now, with Jongseong looking so heartbroken and inconsolable, he can’t bear the thought of pulling out joy from Jongseong’s misery.

“Because of Riki,” Jongseong says.

“Did Riki ask him to? Or, are they, like, together now?”

“No to both.”

Jungwon doesn’t get it. “Then why?”

Jongseong is biting his lip so hard it visibly starts to bleed, so Jungwon cups Jongseong’s face with both his hands to get him to stop, thumbs at the corner of his mouth until he lets go. And Jongseong presses his face into one of Jungwon’s palms, for a moment, before grabbing his wrists, peeling his hands away. His eyes are shiny; his nose is still red from crying and from being outside in the cold. You’re beautiful, Jungwon wants to say, but he knows that that isn’t an appropriate thing to say to someone whose heart has just been broken in two.

“Because Heeseung wants Riki to win The Bet.”

“Oh,” Jungwon says, swallowing. “I’m sorry.”

Jongseong looks confused. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because—” Jungwon pauses to think about it. “Because it can’t feel good to know that that’s why he… yeah.”

Jongseong laughs quietly under his breath and shakes his head. “It doesn’t. It really doesn’t. The worst part is, it’s not right, how I’m feeling. How much this hurts.”

You love him, Jungwon thinks. Of course it’s going to hurt when things end.

“I—I want to hate him, and I want to hate them. But that’s not fair. They’re just—living their lives, and it’s not even—we weren’t even exclusive. We were exclusive, but that was more because it was convenient. Not because—he felt something for me. We weren’t anything real,” he explains, head bowed. “No, it was real to me, but it wasn’t for him, and I knew that. I knew that I was going to get hurt in the end, but I still…”

Jongseong finally looks back up and into Jungwon’s eyes. “I’m sorry that I called you. I just didn’t know who else to call.”

Jungwon grabs his hands. “Jongseong, you can always call me. You—you would do the same for me. You always take care of me, and I—I want to take care of you too,” he says.

“Jungwonie…” Jongseong mutters, frowning, and Jungwon pulls him into a hug. Sort of. Really, it’s more like Jungwon forces himself into Jongseong’s lap and wraps his arms around his neck. After a terrifyingly long moment, Jongseong returns the motion, lays his forehead on Jungwon’s shoulder and slides his hands along Jungwon’s waist, to the small of his back.

Eventually, they relocate to Jungwon’s bed, sitting side-by-side, parallel with the short end of the bed, their feet hanging off.

Jongseong tells him the full details: how they started sleeping together after The Foursome; how they didn’t tell anyone because having a secret to keep was fun, even if they were apparently quite bad at it; how Jongseong asked Heeseung out on a date, twice, and both times he was shot down; how Heeseung hates the idea of being someone important to another person—a first, a boyfriend, a commitment—and how he contradicts that entire modus vivendi when it comes to Riki.

“How do you really feel about Riki?” Jongseong asks. “You sided with Sunoo after The Breakup, but you stayed friends with Riki.”

“Me and Riki—it’s hard to explain,” Jungwon says, bringing his knees to his chest. “He’s one of my best friends. I became friends with him because of Sunoo, obviously, but—Riki became a part of my life that couldn’t be removed, even after they broke up.”

“That’s not an answer,” Jongseong says.

“I guess it’s not,” Jungwon admits with a laugh. He thinks about it harder and tries to give Jongseong the sort of answer he wants. “He makes mistakes and he’s selfish,” he decides after a heavy moment. “I love him anyway.”

Jongseong doesn’t respond immediately, so Jungwon takes the time to look at him, studies each of his facial features like he hasn’t already stolen enough glances to have learned him by heart.

“Heeseung loves him because,” Jongseong says, defeated.

To love someone not in spite of their faults, but because of them, because their faults make up who they are, and you love all of who they are; it’s a heavy thing, maybe horrible and beautiful also, but it’s heavy more than anything.

“Yeah,” Jungwon says. “He does.”

“How do you really feel about Riki?” Jungwon asks.

Jongseong pauses for a long time. “I think he’s going to make it,” he ends up saying.

Jungwon tilts his head to the side. “What does that mean?”

“He has this pure sort of love for the world and the things he likes. He does things because he wants to—nothing more. He thinks about other people, but he always puts himself first, regardless. I admire him for that. He’s going to do something really great one day because of that. Well, he does great things every day. I don’t know how someone can be so good at so many things and still have enough time to smoke his lungs to ash. He’s going to continue doing great things, is more accurate.”

It’s weird to hear that, because that was always the part of Riki that Jungwon never liked. “I admire you for the opposite,” Jungwon says.

“Hm?”

“You put everyone else first, even when it hurts. Even when you shouldn’t.”

Jongseong laughs. “That I do. It’s nothing to admire, though. It’s more of a deadly fault of mine than anything.”

Jungwon shrugs. “It’s debatable. I also admire how open you are.”

“Really?” Jongseong asks, sounding genuinely shocked. “I’m trying to tone down on that.”

“Why would you? Vulnerability is hard and—” Jungwon swallows, looking at his feet, realizing that he’s started listing the reasons why he loves Jongseong. “You’re really good at it.”

“It makes some people uncomfortable.”

Jungwon can’t look at Jongseong. “It doesn’t make me,” he says, and then he realizes they need to get off this topic, of all the things Jungwon loves about Jongseong, because if they don’t, Jungwon is going to confess, and now is not the time. Now would be the worst time. Even if Jongseong knows it, even if Jungwon knows that Jongseong knows it, some things shouldn’t be said. “I think it makes Heeseung and Riki uncomfortable,” he decides on.

“Yeah,” Jongseong says. “I was talking about them. Heeseung, mostly. You know, Riki makes me jealous, that he is to Heeseung what I couldn’t be. That Heeseung loves him and not me. But at the same time, it makes me happy to know Heeseung has someone who understands him, even if that person is not me.”

And that was the worst thing that Jongseong could have said. Jungwon cannot hold it in anymore. He can’t. He really, really can’t.

“Jongseong,” he says, swallowing.

“Yeah?”

“I love you because,” Jungwon says.

Jongseong startles. “Jungwon,” he says in a warning tone, his mouth hanging open like he wants to say more, but doesn’t know what.

“Can we—stop playing this game of—pretending that we don’t feel the way we feel? Please? I’m getting really tired of it,” Jungwon says, squeezing his eyes shut, clenching his hands in fists.

“It’s not—”

“That includes the way you feel about Heeseung,” Jungwon says—shouts, really. He snaps his eyes back open, sees that Jongseong looks like his entire world has come crashing down. “I don’t mind,” Jungwon says, much gentler. He tucks his feet beneath his butt and repositions himself so that his body is angled toward Jongseong’s. “I know you still love him even after what he did and said tonight, and even if you end up loving him forever, I don’t mind it, really.”

“You should mind,” Jongseong whispers, face so tight it must be painful.

“You’re not in a position to tell me that,” Jungwon replies, lifting up on one knee and setting it on one side of Jongseong’s thigh, just like he did when they hugged earlier, when they kissed for the first time. “I love you,” Jungwon repeats. “I love you because you do this thing where you—think you know what’s best for everyone, and you can’t accept when they want anything other than what you think is best for them. It’s frustrating, and I love you because of it—not anyways, in spite of it, but because of it. I love you because you have a big heart,” Jungwon says, placing both his hands on Jongseong’s chest, his right palm pressed right on top of Jongseong’s heart; it’s beating so fast and violently that Jungwon has half a mind to be worried for Jongseong’s health, but he continues, “I love you because you try to give more than you’re able, because you think about others more than you think about yourself, because you—are you, all of it. All of you. I love the part of you that loves Heeseung, and I love the part of you that loves me. I love that—you can love us both, and it still feels enough. I love you, even the burden of you, and especially the burden of you.”

Jongseong takes both of Jungwon’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his heaving chest, and he brings Jungwon’s hands down to their laps. He lets go and this time, it’s him who’s cupping Jungwon’s cheeks. Jungwon feels breathless, like he’s about to pass out; his face is warm, and he’s just realized what he’s done and everything that he’s said. He wants to run away, and he almost does, almost rips himself from Jongseong even if it’ll be the hardest thing he’s ever done—because Jungwon is no stranger to bearing his burdens, to doing what needs to be done—but then, Jongseong asks:

“Can I kiss you? For real?”

Jungwon swallows, sucking in a breath, and he nods. Jongseong’s mouth is on his even before he’s able to say please.

bestie vibes only
7 people

jongseong
Me and jungwon have something to tell you guys…

sunoo
NO
JUNGWON
TELL ME IT ISNT TRUE
LIKE
IM HAPPY FOR YOU
BUT COULD YOU NOT HAVE WAITED
TWO MORE MONTHS
OR, LIKE, GIVEN UP BEFORE THE BET WAS RAISED?
WHAT HAPPENED
WERE YOU LIKE
OH, THE BET IS $500 NOW
I GUESS ITS TIME TO CONFESS MY UNDYING LOVE TO PARK JONGSEONG

jungwon
hey
i just lost $100
im sad too

jongseong
But Im worth it right
Right

jake
I knew this would happen

sunghoon
if you knew this would happen why did you agree to it

jongseong
Hey Jungwon
Im worth it
Right

jake
I DONT KNOW
BECAUSE YOU ALL THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA
I WAS PEER PRESSURED

heeseung
lol

riki
venmo is niki05

jongseong
Jungwon
Please
Hello

TWO MONTHS LATER

It’s the last day of finals. Jungwon and Riki leave their Linear Algebra final relieved but also exhausted, and they trudge over to the art department across campus for Riki to put final touches on his painting, as he has to wait for it to dry before submitting it at the end of the day.

“It’s mostly done,” Riki says as he pushes the door open to the studio he usually books.

“Is it for a class?” Jungwon asks, stepping inside. He puts his bag on the ground.

“Yeah, Painting One,” Riki says, walking over to his easel and picking up the palette he left on the ground from last night. He takes a seat in front of his painting.

Jungwon squints. It’s abstract: a wash of colors. There are curled, pale strokes near the top, flattened into the base, white, jagged strokes filling the upper-middle section of the painting, orange and yellow highlights thick and almost visceral, giving the painting dimension. Lower, in the corners: dark reds and blues bleeding into black. Between them is the most striking part of the painting: it’s something like a green pasture with blue skies and white clouds, and it takes up so little of the composition, but it’s like everything else—the chaos, the violence, the adrenaline—is building up to that tiny, serene pasture.

It’s beautiful and intense, but it’s also fun. Jungwon feels overwhelmed, but that small, almost-hidden pasture makes him feel at peace. Makes him feel safe.

“What is it?” Jungwon asks after a few minutes of admiring and studying the painting. He’s seen nearly all of Riki’s paintings, but none of them have been quite as evocative as this one.

“Heeseung,” Riki answers immediately. He grabs a paint tube from the ground and squirts a small blue blob onto his palette. He repeats with white paint, grabs a brush from the cup attached to the easel, and begins to mix.

Jungwon pauses. “That doesn’t look like—a person,” he says, trying not to make it sound like an insult. He looks at the painting again, squinting and looking for a face hidden in the composition. No luck.

Riki shrugs and says, “It’s how Heeseung makes me feel.”

Jungwon sucks in a sharp breath.

He looks at the painting again and swallows thickly, his heart suddenly heavy with something he can’t quite understand—but he feels a little closer to Riki, after seeing this.

“Huh, he exhales. “I like it a lot.”

Jungwon catches a smile pulling on Riki’s lips.

“Thank you,” he says and he lifts his brush to the canvas, but stops before he makes any new strokes. He brings his brush back to his lap, and he doesn’t take his eyes away from his painting when he says, quietly, “I like it a lot too.”

Jungwon knows that Riki is saying something else, but he also knows that it is not for him to hear. This painting is not something that is for him to see, either.

“Hey, sorry, I forgot I had lunch plans with Jongseong,” he lies, pulling out his phone and sending Jongseong a text, are u free rn?

“That’s fine,” Riki says, already working on his painting.

“You’re coming to dinner, right?” Jungwon asks, smiling when Jongseong sends back, Just got out of my last anthro final. Want to get lunch? Somewhere fancy. My treat :)

“Of course,” Riki replies. “It’s the last time that all seven of us will be together until the fall.”

Jungwon nods, pouting slightly at the reminder. Each of them are spending summer break either working, at paid internships, or on vacation, and very few of their schedules overlap. Jungwon and Jongseong’s schedules simply don’t overlap: every time Jungwon has a break, Jongseong is either vacationing with his family or at his internship.

“I can’t believe Jake is taking Sunghoon and Sunoo to Antigua tomorrow,” Jungwon mutters bitterly. He always knew that Jake was rich, but he never flaunts it, not like Jongseong does by accident.

sure! Jungwon types back. im with riki at the art dept. want to meet halfway on main green?

“Where even is that? And what are they going to do there?”

“No idea,” Jungwon says; he never bothered to look it up. “And they’ll probably just, like, have sex on Jake’s family’s yacht everyday.”

Sg, Jongseong responds.

Riki shudders. “Gross,” he mutters in Japanese.

“When are you heading to California, by the way?” Jungwon asks, picking his bag up and slinging it over his shoulder.

“After Heeseung’s graduation,” Riki answers. “He’s going to visit me at some point, and I want to sneak him into the Google Headquarters.”

Jungwon laughs. “Good luck with that,” he says, heading to the door. “I’ll see you at dinner, okay?”

“See you,” Riki says, and Jungwon makes his way out of the building.

It’s strange, Jungwon thinks, how much has and hasn’t changed this semester.

Sunoo—and everyone but Riki, really—lost The Bet, as well as $500 split unevenly among the six of them. But it was okay, because Riki used his winnings to pay off his debts to everyone, so if you look at each of their bank accounts, basically nothing has changed.

But in actuality, a lot has changed:

Jongseong now has a boyfriend, Sunoo has two kind-of-boyfriends, and Heeseung has Riki, but that part isn’t anything new, really. They’ve always had each other, Jungwon thinks, even when they didn’t know each other. They were out there, waiting for the day they’d meet.

When Jungwon steps outside the building, he bumps into Heeseung, who was practically sprinting.

“Shit, my bad—oh, hey, it’s you,” Heeseung pants, leaning over and putting his hands on his knees as he catches his breath.

“Are you going to see Riki?” Jungwon asks, picking up his bag which was knocked to the pavement with the force with which Heeseung was running.

“Yeah, I’m surprising him,” Heeseung elaborates, standing up straight and starting to collect himself. “I like watching him paint, and he usually lets me, but this time he wouldn’t, not even when he’s done.”

Jungwon’s eyes widen. Heeseung notices.

“Did you see it?” he asks.

Jungwon can’t help but smile. “I did,” he says. “I think you’ll like it.”

“Yeah?” Heeseung says, smiling back. “I’m excited. I love his art.”

Heeseung’s eyes are bright, his smile nothing short of incandescent. Jungwon doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before, how happy Heeseung and Riki make each other, how happy they are just to have each other.

Although, maybe Jungwon does have an idea of why he never noticed it before; he was too focused on the way Jongseong loved Heeseung; Jongseong’s love is so blinding that, at times, you can’t really see anything but. Heeseung and Riki, however—their love feels like watching something in motion. You have to really look to see all the details.

“I’m sure you do,” Jungwon says, feeling like he’s just peeked into another part of Riki and Heeseung’s relationship that he shouldn’t have seen. Something that belongs to them, is for them and only them.

“I’ve seen everything he’s worked on this semester,” Heeseung says. He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels impatiently. “I wonder why he doesn’t want me to see this one.”

Jungwon bites his tongue. “He’s probably just shy. He’ll be here for at least the next hour, I’m pretty sure, so no need to hurry.”

Heeseung sighs in relief, placing a hand over his heart. “Oh, good. Jongseong and I left anthro together, and he mentioned that you and Riki were at his studio. So I ran.”

“You ran,” Jungwon repeats, in disbelief, even though he just saw it.

Heeseung grins. “I ran.”

Jungwon knows that they’re going to see each other and go over their summer plans at dinner, and he knows that Heeseung would much rather be looking at Riki’s painting rather than making small talk with Jungwon, but Jungwon and Heeseung are rarely alone together, so he wants to milk this for what it’s worth.

“Do you know what you’re doing after graduation?” he asks.

Heeseung hums. “I’m going to keep working at the art gallery, but full time.”

“So you’ll still be around?”

Heeseung nods. “Same apartment and everything. For now, at least.”

Jungwon lifts a brow. “Do you have plans to leave?”

Heeseung shrugs. “Not for the next three or so years.”

Not until Riki graduates, Jungwon hears.

After exchanging ‘I’ll see you at dinner’s, they part ways, and Jungwon walks past Heeseung. But then he hears Heeseung call after him.

“Hey, Jungwon—”

Jungwon turns around. “Yeah?”

Heeseung takes a deep breath, then, with perhaps the most sincerity Jungwon has ever heard Lee Heeseung give to another person, says, “Take good care of Jjongsaeng, okay?”

Jungwon blinks, mouth opening in surprise. He nods, dimples poking into his cheeks. “And you take good care of Riki.”

Heeseung smiles. “I will.”

jongseong
Hey
Just to confirm
You’re free until next Saturday, right?

jungwon
yea
im starting my research around then

jongseong
Perfect
Pack a suitcase
Summer clothes and everything you’ll need for a week
Our flight’s tomorrow at 8am

jungwon
???
i thought you were going to korea tmr to see ur grandparents

jongseong
I lied
I’m not seeing them until end of August

jungwon
end of august???
wait

jongseong
Yeah lol
We’ll be in Korea at the same time
Our schedules actually match perfectly
Anyway make sure to pack swimsuits
The beaches are really nice in Greece

jungwon
greece???

Some facts that Jungwon knows with absolute certainty:

He loves Jongseong, and he has loved him since the day they met. Jongseong loves him back, and he also still loves Heeseung, but that’s okay, because Jongseong has more than enough love to give.

Sunoo, Jake, and Sunghoon are… something. They sure are something, even if Jungwon isn’t at all sure what that thing is.

Heeseung and Riki, when you look at them from the outside in, don’t make any sense. Jungwon thinks they’re a little like how the moon refuses to be captured by a phone camera, how when you’re standing outside on the breakdown lane of a highway, motionless, the cars whooshing by you, you can’t really see what’s going on inside the vehicles. You know the moon is there, and you know that there are people in those cars, living their own lives—but from the outside in, you’re too far away to understand something you can really only get from the inside. You can watch, catch glimpses of it—but that’s all you’ll get. Glimpses of a love that doesn’t belong to you, doesn’t belong to anyone but the moon and the sun, the love of the family in the car or the runaway bride and her lover driving into the sunset. Love in motion, love because.