Chapter Text
Everyone joined in the meeting hall for breakfast while they anxiously waited for Kondou to return. Chizuru already attempted to lift the men’s spirits, but they refused to be consoled until they could see Hijikata again with their own eyes. The only ones who casually ate their food as if it were any other day were Chizuru, Saitou, and Souji.
“How can you guys be so cool and nonchalant at a time like this?” Heisuke exclaimed.
“Because the lieutenant has returned to us and is in good hands,” Saitou answered. “There’s nothing else we can do other than carry out our normal duties.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself, Hajime-kun,” Souji added with a feline smirk. “After all, Hijikata-san is too stubborn to let something like this get him down. Even though I do enjoy the lack of supervision, I can’t wait until I can push his buttons again.” Harada made a sour face at that.
“Come on, Souji, would it kill you to take this a little more seriously? You weren’t there when we found him. He was in really rough shape, and we need to be thankful that things didn’t get worse.”
“Part of me feels like I’m the only one taking this seriously,” Souji shot back.
“Guys, please stop fighting,” Chizuru intervened. “Hijikata-san is awake and doing well for now. Once Kondou-san returns and I check Hijikata-san’s injuries, then you can all see him. I promise there’s no reason to worry.”
The air amongst the captains slowly settled. Everyone felt bad about arguing in front of Chizuru, after everything she did for Hijikata the night before, and then cooking breakfast for everyone as if it were a normal day. They truly admired her.
Kondou slid the door open, breaking the silence. He held a tray full of food as he sat down amongst the men.
“Kondou-san, how is he?” Shinpachi asked.
“He’s doing well,” Kondou answered. “Yukimura-kun, you can tend to him when you are finished here.”
“Yes, sir,” Chizuru responded. Taking her last bite of rice, she promptly stood up and took a step towards the door.
“Oh, Yukimura-kun, there’s one more thing,” Kondou added. He gestured to her to approach him. She set down her tray next to the door and hurried over, kneeling at his side. The rest of the captains looked on confusingly; usually, Kondou never behaved this secretly in front of them. Kondou leaned over and whispered something into Chizuru’s ear. She had her back turned to the captains, so they couldn’t observe her reaction. They couldn’t imagine what secrets Kondou kept that he only deemed Chizuru worthy to hear.
Chizuru stood up again, scooping up her tray as she finally exited the room.
“Kondou-san, what was that all about?” Heisuke asked. “Got anything you want to tell us?”
“Nothing that concerns you, Heisuke,” Kondou answered. “Now, if you’re finished with breakfast, you can assist in cleaning up the kitchen since Yukimura-kun is busy.” Heisuke instinctively looked down at his tray, eyes growing wide as he stared at empty bowls, as if he didn’t just finish eating a long time ago.
“Fine. If it’ll help Chizuru, I’ll do it!” he declared, leaping to his feet. Everyone else looked at him unimpressed, but continued to eat their breakfast.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Chizuru scuttled over to the medical storage unit and picked out what she would need: clean towels, an excess of bandages, and a salve she had made the week before from some rare plants sold in town. The man at the stall told her about the plant’s uses for treating damaged or irritated skin, and even wrote her instructions on how to prepare it. The last thing she needed was a fresh bucket of water from the well.
Reaching the well in the middle of the courtyard, she grabbed the bucket and slowly lowered it. As it began to draw water, she thought back to what Kondou had told her at breakfast. She couldn’t seem to distract herself with anything else. He said to her: “I’m a bit worried about Toshi. His mind seems a bit…distant, here and there. Do you think you could talk to him?” Of course she couldn’t deny such a simple request, but it was much easier said than done. Out of all the time spent with the Shinsengumi, not once could she recount a moment in which Hijikata confided in her. He was a very private person, and the only person she imagined to get Hijikata to discuss personal matters was Kondou. If he couldn’t get through to Hijikata, how could she stand a chance?
She gathered the bucket in her arms along with the other supplies and headed towards Hijikata’s room. She approached the door and announced herself as usual, half expecting Hijikata to be asleep after eating. However, as she briefly looked around the room, she found him still in bed, exactly where she left him. Upon entering, she realized he wasn’t looking at her. He sat upright and his hair laid down over his shoulders, covering his face as his gaze focused downward on his wrists; his thumb gently brushed over the bandages as if each stroke would erase the brutal marks underneath. Was he wrestling with the guilt of not being able to save himself? Or was he simply re-living the painful memories of the day before? Kondou was right: Hijikata’s mind had grown distracted.
She slowly approached, watching him carefully so as not to startle him. She set the bucket and other supplies on the floor and kneeled next to him.
“Hijikata-san?” she asked softly. “Are you alright?” Hijikata’s head suddenly shot up to look at her, eyes wide in panic as if waking from a horrible nightmare.
“Oh, Chizuru,” he said as his shoulders relaxed. “Sorry about that. What do you need?”
“Nothing. I’m here to change your bandages and clean your back, if you’re feeling up to it,” she replied. An awkward silence fell between them before she asked, “Is something bothering you?”
“No, not at all,” he replied quickly. Chizuru eyed him for one more moment before moving on. She knew he wouldn’t talk if she deliberately pressed him about it. Perhaps she would just need to let things happen naturally.
“Alright. Let me change the bandages on your wrists, and then I’ll clean your back,” she said as she scooted closer. He nodded and silently held out a wrist. She carefully unwrapped the bandage, analyzing the scabs that had formed overnight. The bleeding had thankfully stopped, and the surrounding skin had faded from red to pink. Satisfied, she wrung out a towel and dabbed at the wound.
They sat in silence for a while before Chizuru mustered up the courage to start a conversation. “How are you feeling now? Any changes?”
Hijikata thought for a moment. “The pain has gone down a little everywhere, but I still feel stiff and sore.” She nodded along as she focused on her work.
“You know, Satoya-san kept asking about you,” she added as she finished wrapping one wrist and moved to unwrap the other. Hijikata looked at her, slightly surprised.
“She did?”
“Yes, last night and this morning when I brought her breakfast. She seems to be worried about you.” He sighed in response.
“What exactly is your relationship with Satoya-san?” she asked curiously.
“There isn’t much of one. We’re just acquaintances who met in unfortunate circumstances,” he answered, taking his newly wrapped wrist back.
“Alright, let’s move onto your back. Please disrobe and lie on your stomach,” she instructed as she prepared another towel and the salve. Hijikata peeled off his bedclothes sluggishly, accepting Chizuru’s assistance when she leaned over to help.
As Hijikata lowered himself to the ground, Chizuru said, “I’m not sure how much this will hurt, but it will hurt. Would you like something to bite down on to help with the pain?”
“No,” he answered, “I can take it.”
“Okay. Just let me know if it becomes too much.”
“Let’s just get this over with,” he huffed, mentally preparing himself for what was to come. Chizuru nodded solemnly and gently swept his hair over his shoulder. It felt softer beneath her fingertips than she remembered from the night before.
She dipped a rag into the water and squeezed it dry of the extra water while examining Hijikata’s back. Dark purples and blues had grown darker around the lacerations from the night before, which were now raised stripes of sensitive skin. A few smaller marks had bled in the night, she observed. Thin trails of dried blood became clear to her, despite the deep bruising.
I’m ready,” she said softly. “Let’s begin.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
By the time Chizuru had finished, they both became fairly exhausted. Hijikata held on for most of it, but she could tell by the way his fingers curled into the futon beneath him that his energy was wearing thin. She gathered her supplies, placing them by the door for later. She leaned over the Vice-Commander to find his face relaxed and peaceful, eyes closing and breathing growing even as sleep overtook him. She dabbed another small rag on his forehead to remove any excess sweat that remained. Despite her brain telling her to leave and move on to the rest of her daily chores, her body refused to move. She stayed with him a while longer, petting his hair and praying for his swift recovery.
Some time later, she finally felt ready; she stood up and left his room, closing the door gently behind her. Before she could take another step, she noticed Kondou approaching her.
“How is he?” he asked as he drew closer.
“He’s sleeping now. I’ve changed his bandages and cleaned his back,” she reported. He sighed heavily in relief.
“Thank you for all your hard work, Yukimura-kun,” he said as he tip-toed around her and carefully peeked into Hijikata’s room. Chizuru admired just how much the members of the Shinsengumi cared for each other, specifically Kondou and Hijikata. She hoped she could remain with them for a long while and continue to develop her own relationships into something similar.
She watched as Kondou pulled his head out and slid the door shut.
“Your father would be proud,” he said gently. Chizuru felt a heated blush rush to her cheeks. He smiled at her the way her father used to, before he disappeared. She could feel her eyes watering.
“Thank you, Kondou-san,” she replied. “I should get back to work.”
“There’s no need,” he responded. “I’ve reassigned the rest of your duties for today to the other men. Get some rest–you deserve it.” She stared at him in shock for a moment before bowing and hurrying to her room. How could such a gentle and kind-hearted man become a fierce warrior with blood on his hands?
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Satoya lied on the dirt floor of her cell staring at the ceiling. She had only seen one person today, the girl masquerading as a boy who brought her breakfast. When she asked about Hijikata’s condition, the girl merely told her that he was resting while she monitored his recovery. She wanted her to come back and give her another update, but it had been hours since then and she had been left alone. Why did she care about that man so much, with his serious stare and quiet nature? The thought had been bouncing around her head all day. Was it to atone for her past atrocities, that saving one life might somehow erase the rest? Was it because she knew he could lead her to a life outside of Bando-san’s control, free to do whatever she pleased? She felt a mixture of the two was a reasonable answer, but it still didn’t sit right with her. Did she, perhaps, care for him? She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, hoping to erase the embarrassing thought.
She heard scuffs of footsteps outside her prison, getting closer. She sat up and leaned against the wall, preparing herself for the unknown. She almost finished a deep breath before the door opened to reveal Kondou-san and the other quiet man who wore his swords on his right side. While she didn’t make eye contact with them, Kondou continued to look on at her, almost with a kind gaze. It felt almost unnatural to her. When was the last time anyone looked at her like that?
“Good afternoon, Satoya-san,” Kondou greeted. “Toshi is awake and has asked to see you. Saitou-kun, the keys, please,” he said, moving away from the cell door.
“Yes, sir,” the scarf-adorned man said as he passed him, pulling out a jangling ring of keys to unlock the door. As he pulled the door open, Satoya stood up and stepped toward the door, but hesitantly moved two steps back as Kondou walked in. He held a small piece of rope with him.
“Since we still don’t know if we can trust you, we will do this my way. Okay?” he asked. His tone suddenly shifted from cheerful to serious, and it threw Satoya off for a moment. He stared at her until she nodded, holding out her wrists. He quickly bound her and led her out of the cell, the quiet man following from behind.
The Shinsengumi compound was surprisingly modest, Satoya observed as she looked around. From the looks of it, the men had been here for some time. Some soldiers in training stopped to stare at her, most likely to gawk at her shaved head. It was entirely unheard of for a woman to have practically no hair, but she grew used to it, opting to stay active at night to avoid detection and judgmental stares.
Kondou stopped in front of a door, signaling Satoya to stop behind him.
“Toshi, are you ready?” he asked through the door.
“Kondou-san? Enter,” she heard from the other side. Kondou slid the door wide open and led her inside. She saw Hijikata sitting up in his bed, sipping a cup of tea. He looked better than the last time she saw him, but he still looked very tired.
Kondou motioned for her to kneel at the foot of the bed while he released the lead on her bonds and kneeled at his bedside. The left-handed man closed the door behind him and kneeled next to it, remaining stoic.
“Hello, Satoya-san,” Hijikata said as he carefully put down his tea. She didn’t know what to say, feeling like a simple greeting wouldn’t suffice, and simply bowed her head.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“I’ve been better,” he admitted, “but I’m alright. I wanted to update you on the events of last night…and to thank you, for saving me.” She felt her face heat up in embarrassment.
“But I didn’t save you. Your friends did,” she explained.
“That’s true, but who gave us the information that led us to Toshi’s whereabouts?” Kondou interjected. “Without your help, we wouldn’t have found him in time, nor would we have been able to arrest Bando-san.” She stared at him in shock. Bando-san, arrested? She never thought he would ever get caught, let alone arrested by the Shinsengumi.
“Yes, I was just about to get to that,” Hijikata said, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. “Bando-san and his men were arrested last night following a raid led by Kondou-san and our other captains. We do not yet know what will happen to him, but we do know that he will either spend the rest of his life in prison or be executed.” Satoya let her gaze fall down to her hands, imagining them stained with blood.
“You don’t seem very concerned about that,” Kondou observed. “What exactly is your relationship with Bando-san?”
“He is…my master,” she answered hesitantly. The men in the room looked at each other in awkward silence.
“What do you mean, ‘your master?’” Kondou continued. She paused, taking a deep breath. She didn’t remember if she had told this story to anyone. Deep down, she knew she didn’t; she had never been able to grow close to anyone to tell.
“Technically, I am his property. My father gave me to Bando-san when I was a child, as an alternative payment for a debt he owed,” she explained. Everyone stared at her in shock, shaken to the core by her words. Who could be so horrible as to sell their own child?
“My father was an incessant drunk and gambler, spending what little money we had,” Satoya continued. “One day, Bando-san himself came to our house demanding payment. My father tried to persuade them to give him more time, but they insisted on collecting. Out of desperation, my father offered me in order to save himself. I was seven years old. Bando-san accepted, separating me from my father…before beating him to death. He spat on his corpse, saying how disgraceful it was to abandon his child. From that day forward, Bando-san took me in and took care of me, raising me to do his dirty work for him. I hated my father, but I hated Bando-san more and more the older I grew. I’ve never been free to do what I want or to travel. I knew that I would have to break free from him at some point, and when he asked me to take you,” she said, looking up into Hijikata’s wide eyes, “I hoped if I saved you, the Shinsengumi would be able to help me escape.”
Silence hung in the air for several moments. Satoya scrubbed at her eyes, hiding the tears before they could fall. She had never felt this emotional about anything before, even her father’s death. She didn’t know someone could feel such overwhelming emotion. It felt like a burden lifted from her shoulders and placed on her chest instead. She figured that was from her racing heartbeat.
“I am so sorry,” Kondou said. “I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.”
“To be honest, I’ve never told anyone about it,” Satoya explained. “I’m glad no one asked, but I also felt so alone.”
“Is that why you came to talk to me or check on me all those times? Were you hoping to seek out a friend in me?” Hijikata asked. Satoya nodded slowly.
“At the time, yes. It just felt nice to talk to somebody,” she admitted. “But I know that I have committed a serious crime, and I am willing to face the consequences.” She bowed her top half low to the ground, her arms laid out awkwardly in front of her. Hijikata couldn’t believe her resolve. He was worried she would try to fight them, even in her state, or plead for her life. His heart tensed in his chest at the thought of her being used for so long, and still remaining brave in the face of possible death.
“Please sit up, there’s no need for that,” Hijikata said. She slowly looked up at him, obviously confused. He gave her a soft smile. “How could we possibly punish you for keeping me captive when you were a captive yourself?” No one had ever smiled at her like that. Whenever Bando-san smiled, it was evil and devious or condescending. But she felt the genuine warmth through his smile, like it was a rare gift not given to many.
“I agree,” Kondou chimed in as he reached for her hands. Satoya instinctively pulled back, but relaxed as Kondou untied the rope. “It’s not fair to make you pay for something that was out of your control. So we are allowing you to leave the city.” She felt genuinely dumbfounded.
“Thank you again, Satoya-san,” Hijikata said as he bowed his head to her. “In return for saving me, we’re giving you your freedom back. Let it take you wherever you wish, as long as you stay out of the city.” The tears flowed freely then. She felt so overwhelmed, she could barely move, unable to avoid this tidal wave of good fortune.
“If you’d like, you can stay here for the night before setting out tomorrow,” Kondou offered. “We will probably have dinner soon anyways, so you can eat with us.” She violently shook her head.
“That is very kind of you, but I’d rather get on the road soon before it becomes too dark,” she replied.
“Oh, well that’s too bad. At least let us give you some provisions for your journey,” Kondou said. Provisions would be nice, and she figured Kondou had too much power to say no to him twice in a row, so she decided the best way to settle this was to give in to his offer.
“Thank you very much,” she said as she bowed towards him. “It would be much appreciated.”
“That settles it, then. Saitou-kun,” Kondou said, motioning towards the man at the door, “please escort Satoya-san to the kitchen and help Chizuru pack some provisions.”
“Yes, sir,” Saitou responded as he stood and opened the door. Kondou and Satoya stood, following after him.
“Thank you, Hijikata-san,” Satoya said. “I hope you recover soon.”
“Yes,” he responded simply. She exited the room, allowing Kondou to slide the door shut behind her.
“Well, that went better than expected,” Kondou commented.
“Yes,” Hijikata responded. “It makes sense, though.”
“What does?”
“At one point, she came to me to apologize, and I lashed out at her,” Hijikata explained. “She, in turn, got angry at me and said even though she wasn’t in a cell like me, she was also trapped. I didn’t understand what she meant until now.”
“Hmm,” Kondou commented, not knowing how to respond to that.
“Hijikata-san? Are you up for visitors?” a familiar voice asked from outside.
“Souji? Yes, come in,” Hijikata answered. The door slid open once more, allowing Souji and the rest of the captains to barrel through the door, each carrying a dinner tray. Hijikata’s eyes widened in shock.
“What are all of you doing here?” Kondou asked, also astonished. Everyone’s heads turned toward the sound of hurried footsteps outside the door. Chizuru walked in as well, carrying two trays.
“I’m sorry, Hijikata-san,” Chizuru said, flustered. “I told everyone you were up for visitors, but they didn’t understand the part where they needed to visit in moderation . Here’s your dinner.” She handed him his tray carefully, then sat down next to Heisuke.
“How could we stay away any longer?” Shinpachi asked. “We hadn’t seen you since last night, and we just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“That and Souji misses teasing you over dinner,” Heisuke chimed. Souji sent him a mischievous glare.
“Well I for one do not miss how no one else scolds you and Shinpachi when you fight over food at every single meal,” he said. Heisuke and Shinpachi both looked dramatically offended.
“Now wait just a minute…” Shinpachi and Heisuke began, but Harada silenced them with a smack to the back of their heads.
“In any case, we’re just glad you’re feeling better, Hijikata-san. If you want us to leave, we’ll leave,” he said and motioned to stand up. As everyone else began to follow his lead, Hijikata raised his hand.
“That’s not necessary, Harada,” he said. “Since everyone is here, we might as well eat before the food gets cold, right?” Everyone cheered up at the invitation to stay. The room did feel slightly cramped with everyone inside, but no one complained. After everyone took their first few bites of food, Saitou joined, tray in hand.
“Oh, Saitou-kun. Did Satoya-san leave already?” Kondou asked. Saitou nodded.
“She wanted to make progress on the main road before nightfall,” he explained.
“Well, that makes sense,” Kondou replied, continuing his meal. Everyone ate and talked and joked as if it were any other day. As Hijikata finished his delicious food, he thanked the gods for allowing him to be reunited with his friends and comrades once again.