Work Text:
Chapter 1 THE AFOREMENTIONED CAT EARS
Int: A dumpster outside an anime convention
Eugenia: honestly who throws out a perfectly good Light Yagami body pillow?
Eugenia: there’s just a few holes in some weird places that…
Eugenia:
Eugenia:
Eugenia: I’m going to pretend those were on accident OH MY GOD A BOX OF CAT EARS
Eugenia: ohmygodohmygodohmygod
Eugenia: [hyperventilates]
Eugenia: I have to tell someone it feels like my entire brain is crying oh my god
Eugenia: I have to tell-
Chapter 2 EUGENIA MAKES THIS GREERS PROBLEM
ext roof of the gleek arena
[Greer feeding seagulls]
Greer: Come on, Chester, I got some fries from the stand you like
Greer: the really shitty wet ones
[seagulls gather around Greer]
Greer: okay, you too Debora, there’s plenty don’t worry
Eugenia: GREER
Greer: JESUS FUCK
Greer: how long have you been there?
Eugenia: twenty minutes
Greer: I’ve been here 15 that’s weird
Eugenia: :)
Greer: =(
Eugenia: :D
Greer: >=(
Eugenia: :3
Greer: oh hey what the fuck are you wearing?
Eugenia: :3c
Greer: i swear to god i don’t know why we’re friends
Eugenia: Because I show up and you’re afraid to push the only person who shows you love away?
Greer: …
Greer: yo you don't have to actually say the reasons...
Eugenia: Did you see my ears??
Greer: I mean, yeah, I asked. What-
Eugenia: I’M A KITTY CAT NOW
Greer:
Eugenia: :3c
Greer: FUCKING STOP THAT
Eugenia: like, nyah greer
Greer: I hate you so much
Eugenia: Greer
Eugenia: Greer
Greer: ignoring you [feeds another seagull]
Eugenia: Greer do you- wait
Eugenia: are you feeding seagulls?
Greer: oh yeah. That’s Debora, that one’s chester, over there is robbie, SUP ROBBIE, and tina is next to him, and there’s clark, and oh shit little big boy is here today and-
Eugenia: this is surprisingly tender
Greer: seagulls are neat
Greer: they’re nature's little bastards
Eugenia: there it is
Greer: [watches two seagulls fight over a damp french fry with big watery eyes]
Eugenia: ANYWAY
Eugenia: Greer
Greer: and back to ignoring you
Eugenia: Greer do you want to be a kitty cat too?
Greer:
CHAPTER 3 GREER IS A KITTY CAT NOW TOO
int the gleek’s kitchen
[Lachlan is baking cookies]
Lachlan: honestly, these are for Lachlan
Lachlan: i’d tell you what they are but it doesn’t matter
Amos: hello, I’m also here
Lachlan: just the two of us
Amos: talking to you about cookies
Lachlan: COOKIE CLUB!
Amos: COOKIE CLUB FOREVER! [high fives]
Amos: are they chocolate chip though?
Lachlan: pedestrian. common
Amos: peanut butter?
Lachlan: basic. cookies for peasants
Amos: peanut butter chocolate chip?
Lachlan: yeah they’re peanut butter chocolate chip
Amos: fuck yeah
Lachlan: right?
Lachlan: they’re almost done so I’m just going to take a huge drink of my coffee to celebrate and-
Eugenia: LACHLAN
Greer: AMOS
Lachlan: [spits coffee everywhere]
Eugenia: neat!
Amos: are you here for the cookies?
Greer: we are now
Amos: [picks up a knife]
Amos: come fucking get them
Eugenia: oh
Greer: oh
Greer: we should talk about that later
Lachlan: [still coughing and choking]
Eugenia: Lachlan!
Lachlan: [weezes]
Eugenia: LACHLAN!
Lachlan: WHAT
Eugenia:
Eugenia:
Eugenia: :(
Lachlan: ah Eugenia…
Lachlan: sorry, I was choking and
Amos: [swipes at greer with the knife]
Greer: ha ha ha nooo stoooop oh nooooo
Lachlan: Please, Eugenia, my good friend, what is it?
Eugenia: Lachlan do you wan- I’m a good friend?
Eugenia: Really?
Lachlan: Yeah, ewie
Lachlan: you’re one of my best friends and I love you
Eugenia: aw lachlan
Eugenia: I love you too buddy
Eugenia: wait I’m getting off track
Eugenia: Lachlan do you have any cat food?
Lachlan:
Lachlan: why?
Eugenia: We’re kitty cats!
Greer: nyah!
Lachlan: oh right, the ears
Lachlan: also no
Lachlan: why would I… I don’t make cat food
Lachlan: what the hell?
Amos: any food is cat food if a cat eats it
Eugenia: Can I have a cookie?
Lachlan: I mean, I really just made these for me
Amos: and me!
Lachlan: Cookie club forever!
Amos: Cookie club! [high fives lachlan]
Eugenia: If you give us cookies
Eugenia: You can be kitty cats too
Lachlan:
Amos:
Lachlan:
Amos:
Lachlan:
Amos: [swipes the knife at greer again]
Greer: aaahhh ha ha ha oh noooo you're so hot stooop
CHAPTER 4 YORK SILK HAS A SECRET BUT HE’S TOTALLY NOT A FURRY THAT’S NOT IT GUYS
York: [sitting in his room in a sea otter kigu]
York: now to find a rock so I can break open oysters on my cute fuzzy tummy
York: :3
CHAPTER 5 OKAY SO ABOUT YORK
CV: yoooo what’s up vapor nation we’re doing a tour of the dorms remember to ring that bell and like and subcribe let’s goooooo
CV: let’s see what york is up to
CV: [opens the door to york’s room]
York: oh hey :3
CV: what is up york you’re on vapor nation!
York: uh
York: isn’t the wifi down?
CV: it hasn’t worked since this morning so I’m wandering around trying not to let the demons of my existence catch up to me [air horn sounds]
York: sounds rough
CV: I’m straight up having a bad time
CV: and if you’re straight up having a bad time you should check out sklill share!
York: you don’t even have a camera
CV: yeah I stream so much I forget how to have a conversation like a normal person
York: you okay dude?
CV:
CV:
CV: no!
CV: [flortnight dances]
York: Dude, come over here and sit with me.
CV: [sits down with york]
York: sometimes having floor time helps me out
CV: just sitting on the floor
York: and lying on the floor too
York: here, try it
[York and CV lay back on the floor together]
CV:
CV: This is nice
York: yeah it’s centering
CV:
CV:
CV: I think I’m afraid of silence
York: Sometimes it’s nice.
York: I used to go sit on the beach and just listen
York: I was just a kid but it always helped me feel calm
CV: dude, you were like a really wise kid
York: I dunno.
Eugenia: [also laying on the floor] You seemed way more emotionally intelligent than other kids your age
York: uh
Greer: [laying on the floor too] nyah!
CV: what
Lachlan: [laying on the floor next to CV] when I was 8 it was just playstlation and blaseball cards
York: Mr. Shelton? Ms. Garbage? Ms. Lott
Greer: NYAH!
Amos: [laying on the floor too] I was way into My Little Pony
Amos: I made them commit crimes and then one of them would be the detective
York: WHY ARE YOU ALL IN HERE?
Eugenia: Did you see our ears?
York:
York:
York: No flippin way
Eugenia: WE’RE KITTY CATS
York: AHHHH! CAN I BE A KITTY CAT TOO?
Eugenia: YORK I AM GLAD YOU ASKED
CV: I want to be a kitty cat too!
Eugenia: CV you will make the best kitty cat
CV: pog
CV: [drawing a cat face on his dome]
CV: nyah!
Greer: NYAH!
CHAPTER 6 YORKS A FURRY BIG DEAL DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT?
Ziwa: Hey york did you-
[all six of them turn to Ziwa at the same time]
Ziwa:
CHAPTER 7 ZIWA SIGHS DEEPLY AND THE WORLD CONTINUES TO TURN
Ziwa: okay nevermind I don’t want to know
Eugenia: wait!
Ziwa: [is waits]
Eugenia: did you see my ears??
Ziwa: yeah, I did
Eugenia: I’m a kitty cat now!
Ziwa: ha ha you sure are
Eugenia:
Eugenia: do you think I’m cute?
Ziwa: of course I do
Ziwa: you’re always cute
Eugenia: awww ha ha ha yaaaay
Eugenia: Ziwa
Ziwa: oh no
Eugenia: Ziwa
Ziwa:
Ziwa: yes, ewie…
Eugenia: do you want to be a kitty cat too?
Ziwa:
Ziwa: I’m going to go get some paperwork done
Greer: COWARD
Ziwa: [leaves]
Eugenia: okay bye…
Amos: Let’s go find Mooney!
CV: Doctor Kitty
Lachlan: Doctor Kitty Cat
Greer: nyah!
Eugenia: KITTY CAT SQUAD ROLL OUT
[Ziwa comes back and hugs Eugenia]
Ziwa: I want to be a kitty cat too please
CHAPTER 8 OKAY SO I REALIZED ROUNDING UP 14 PEOPLE IS A LOT I OVER-COMMITTED
Eugenia: Okay so we got greer-
Greer: Nyah!
Eugenia: we got Lachlan, and Amos, and York, and CV, and Ziwa
[Ziwa meows quietly]
Eugenia: and we found Beasley
Beasley: [barks but in a cat way]
Eugenia: and Fish
Fish: CAT SOUNDS
Eugenia: good job, buddy
Fish :3c
Eugenia: I think we got Alston, too. Alston, you there?
Alston: Have I ever told you about the time I became a cat? It was 15 years ago-
Eugenia: that's great, Alston
Eugenia: Who are we missing?
CV: Jesus is probably having sad boy guitar time nyow.
York: Oh yeah, that's like half the night for him
Lachlan: I tried to get McBlase but she said she's legally not allowed to be a cat in all provinces and territories of Canada and also Bermuda.
Eugenia: sure, whatever
Dot: Hey, what's happening?
[Everyone turns to look at Dot]
Dot:
Dot: oh no, I'm in Nyalifax again
Dot: Hello, the Myoist Talkers, I am from a place called Sunken Halifax
York:
Eugenia: Dot, it's just us! we got cat ears now!
York:
Dot: Oh
Dot: Why?
York:
Eugenia: I found them in-
York: MX PATTERSON IS THERE A DIMENSION WHERE WE ARE ALL CAT PEOPLE?
Dot: Yes, they're all cat people and sometimes other kinds of animal people too
York: MX PATTERSON CAN YOU TAKE ME TO NYALIFAX PLEASE?
Dot: I don't know if-
York: MX PATTERSON I HAVE NEVER NEEDED ANYTHING MORE IN MY LIFE PLEASE
York: I AM SORRY I INTERUPTED YOU
Dot: Okay. Hold my hand
York [is holds]
[They both disappear]
Eugenia:
Greer:
CV:
Lachlan:
Amos:
Beasley: :3
Alston:
Eugenia: okay everyone else thought they'd be right back, right?
Lachlan: it would have been really funny
Eugenia: really dropping the ball here
Jenkins: Hello I'm here now too
Eugenia: Hi Jenkins we're waiting for dot and york to get back
Eugenia: Oh! Do you want to be a kitty cat too?
Jenkins: Oh that would be
Jenkins:
Jenkins [turns to camera]
Jenkins: Good!
Eugenia: LOL
Jenkins: lmao
Eugenia: rofl
Jenkins: but yes I would like to be a kitty cat too please
[Eugenia gives them cat ears]
Eugenia: so like
Eugenia: you'd think dot and york would be back by now
Greer: comedically, the timing is pretty off
Beasley: [barks but in a cat way]
CV: maybe york doesn't want to come back
Eugenia: of course he does though, why wouldn't-
[Dot and York return]
York: HOW CAN YOU SHOW THAT TO ME AND NOT LET ME STAY?
York: DOT THOSE WERE MY PEOPLE
[York cries but in a cat way]
Dot: You belong here with us, York
York: I BELONG WITH THE KITTY CAT PEOPLE
Eugenia: York...
York:
Eugenia: like, nyah, york
York:
York: :3
York: nyah
CATPER 10? I'M NOT GOING BACK TO LOOK HEY IT'S CEDRIC
Cedric: hey, it's me
Eugenia: Hi Cedric, do you want to be a kitty cat with us?
Cedric: that sounds rad actually
Eugenia: Here are some cat ears that I found in a dumpster
Cedric: oh, it's okay, I have my own
[Cedric puts on a pretty good fursuit head]
York:
York:
York: oh my god
York: SPRINKLES?
Cedric: oh shit
[Like, the mouth moves when Cedric talks]
[I think he made it??]
[Eugenia, can you ask if he made it?]
Eugenia: Did you make that Cedric?
Cedric: Yeah, I dabbled in fursuit making for a while
[Thank you, Eugenia]
Eugenia: you're welcome!
Eugenia:
Eugenia:
Eugenia: wait-
York: SPRINKLES CATURDAY??
Cedric: oh my god why do you know that?
York: it's me
York: Silky Otterson!
Cedric: Silky!
Cedric: in retrospect the name is not a huge leap
York: were you at Furhalifax this year?
Cedric: yeah! Wait, I didn't see you there!
Lachlan: Wait, how many other people here have fursonas?
Amos raises her hand
Alston raises his hand
CV raises his hand
Beasley [barks but in a cat way]
Greer:
Greer:
Greer [slowly raises her hand]
Lachlan: wow you all should join the Oxford Paws
Greer: MAYBE I WOULD IF I COULD
Eugenia: anyway dot do you want to be a kitty cat too?
Dot: uh
Greer: YOU COULD NYEVER BE AS GOOD A KITTY CAT AS ME PATTERSON
Dot:
Dot: give me the fucking cat ears
Dot: what do I do now
Eugenia: NOW!
Eugenia: WE PROWL!
CATPER 11? ANYWAY I PROMISE I DID NOT MEAN TO MAKE THIS ENTIRELY ABOUT FURRIES
Dot: [uncertain meow]
Eugenia: Yay! you're doing so good!
Mooney: Why are you all in my office?
Eugenia: Oh yeah, hi Mooney!
Eugenia: We're kitty cats now
Mooney: okay
Amos: you seem unfazed
Mooney: honestly this is way better than the time you all wanted to be clowns
Eugenia: oh yeah, I'm glad that fever dream is over
CV [making cat paw motions]: what about Cleethbal-
Eugenia: I'M GLAD THAT FEVER DREAM IS OVER FOREVER
CV: Eugenia you're hurting me
Eugenia: do you want to be a kitty cat too Mooney?
Mooney: oh, that does sound fun
Eugenia: yaay!
Mooney: but-
Eugenia: no wait booooo
Mooney: you see, I already have a werewolf suit
Mooney [puts on a really good werewolf head]
York: DOCTOR MOON?
Lachlan: what the hell??
Lachlan: why does everyone have a fursona?
Lachlan: did I miss a meeting?
Cedric: we can make one for you
Lachlan:
Lachlan:
Lachlan: Okay fine but I want to be a bunny
Mooney: so anyway
Mooney: Eugenia why did you do this?
Eugenia: oh
Eugenia: uh
Eugenia:
Eugenia: I just wanted to do something as a team again
Eugenia: I love it when we're all together, even when we're fighting
Eugenia: we have this big weird family and every day i get to spend with all of you is the best day of my life.
Eugenia: also i thought it would be fun to be a kitty cat
Greer: NYAH!
Ziwa: we all love you too, Eugenia
Ziwa: you're the heart and the soul of the team
Lachlan: And the embodiment of our team values
Greer: you really are gross
Greer: and kind
Greer:
Greer:
Greer: that's all you get
Eugenia: thank you every-
Greer: NYAH!
CATPER 12 UHHH [ROLLS DICE] TIME FOR A GUEST LECTURE
Eugenia: oh hey, hi richmond!
Richmond: [long series of gurgles and trills]
Eugenia: [wiping away tears] you're right, conspicuous consumption and unchecked capitalism really are eating the planet whole thank you so much for coming to talk.
Greer: richmond do you want some really crappy fries?
Richmond: [gurgles]
Greer: your loss
Greer: [throws the fries in the air]
[Suddenly there are seagulls everywhere]
[Oh god they're attacking everyone they're so angry]
[oh no oh god why would greer end the story this way??]
The Nyend
Sorry about everything