Chapter Text
The quiet Sunday morning started with Luo Binghe trying to untangle himself from Liu Qingge’s sleeping embrace without waking him. For a moment, he just grunted- but then let him go, falling right back into deep slumber.
Luo Binghe took a moment to admire Liu Qingge’s sleeping features - the finally calm semblance and unfurrowed brows, the messy hair all over his face. The soft breathing and slightly opened lips, showing a little bit of his almost perfect teeth. The soft pillow with dark sheets of /Luo Binghe’s/ bed making it seem Liu Qingge belonged there since always. All for him.
He finally, almost unwillingly got up from the bed; he wanted to spend the rest of the day with Liu Qingge in it, but he was hungry, and he could bet Liu Qingge would also be, once he woke up. And though his angry-hunger was kind of amusing to Luo Binghe, he wanted that Sunday to be flawless.
While he prepared breakfast, his mind ran a mile a minute. He’d had a lot in his head lately, things he’d thought over and over again, trying to think of every possible scenario. Until it made him too nervous and anxious and ready to give up on the idea every time he thought of stepping forward.
But that was a different day. His encounters with Liu Mingyan had, little by little, given him more strength and confidence.
She was a curious case. Nosy, talkative, open. Even if he could see a lot of Liu Qingge in her, she was still someone completely different from him. He often remembered the first time Liu Qingge had told him he had a sister, so many months before at that fair, and telling him that no, she wasn’t grumpy like him, she was a good kid. Luo Binghe could see how right he was, now.
They’d become fast friends, and it felt good being able to talk with someone who could understand him, even though she could be scary at times.
‘You know he’s closed off,’ she’d said to him. ‘But he has a reason. I’m glad you want to try it. I can see you’re genuine, and that he likes you. But it’s better to give it to him straight. He’s not someone to beat around the bush, so the more direct, the better. He’ll give it straight to you too, so even if he doesn’t want anything serious, he’ll tell you so. Also, I’ll find where you live and murder you in your sleep if you ever hurt him.’
They were very protective of each other, and honestly, Luo Binghe could see why. He was getting more and more protective of him as well.
When he arrived again in the bedroom, a tray full of food in hand, he had to stop himself from laughing. Vic had taken advantage of the fact that Luo Binghe had left the bed and was now laying on top of Liu Qingge’s head, purring loudly. Liu Qingge looked a bit disgruntled, but apparently didn’t have the heart to take Vic off of him.
When Luo Binghe sat down on the bed again, Vic swayed his tail annoyedly, knowing he should leave and not wanting to, but conceding after a moment. Liu Qingge then sighed deeply, a little bit relieved from not having an 11 pound furry being weighing on him, and stretched languidly, shirt all twisted on his body. He’d brought some sleeping clothes some time ago to leave in Luo Binghe’s closet, and although he found it a little bit of a pity that Liu Qingge wasn’t sleeping in Luo Binghe’s oversized clothes anymore, at least there was something of him in his apartment, permanently.
“Good morning,” Luo Binghe said lowly, leaning on his elbow and watching Liu Qingge fully wake up.
“Hm…” He wasn’t usually talkative, and was even less so when he’d just woken up, but Luo Binghe knew now that that hum was his way of greeting.
These small things that Luo Binghe had slowly found out the more he spent time with him were all very dear to him. He wanted to discover more, so much more, and hold it close to his heart, something he wouldn’t share with anyone - or at least not JUST anyone. With one person, and one who probably already knew of all this.
Luo Binghe wondered sometimes if Liu Qingge had shown him a side he’d never shown to anyone, even his best friend; if this Liu Qingge that fell asleep and woke up in his bed was the same that spent the night at Shen Yuan’s apartment.
And though he did want to share a lot of this with Shen Yuan, he still wanted something just for him; of both of them. Something that was his, and his alone.
“Come on, sit up. I’ve brought you breakfast,” his voice was soft, and carried a bit of a smile in it, and he took the tray to Liu Qingge’s lap.
Liu Qingge cracked his neck and yawned a bit, rubbing his eyes.
“You brought breakfast to bed?” Liu Qingge asked, already reaching out for a slice of an apple.
“Yeah,” Luo Binghe answered, taking his side of the bed again. “Figured you’d want a lazy Sunday after yesterday.”
Liu Qingge threw him a judgemental stare, and scoffed. “You think that was too intense? You’ve got a long way to go, brat.”
“Oh?” Luo Binghe approached him, his lips touching Liu Qingge’s well-defined cheekbone, the smile still audible in his voice. “So we could’ve gone harder? Good to know.”
It was always a delight when the flush crawled up on Liu Qingge’s face and he tried to hide it by looking the other way. But it never escaped Luo Binghe’s eyes, not one detail about him.
He chuckled, grabbing Liu Qingge’s chin kind of gently, and pulled it so he could face Luo Binghe, and let him steal a wet kiss.
“You taste sweet,” Luo Binghe said, licking his own lips. He grabbed one of the apple slices he was eating from his hand, and put it whole in his mouth, chewing loudly.
“And you’re too annoying in the morning…” Liu Qingge massaged his own temples, drinking his black coffee.
By now, Luo Binghe knew bits of Liu Qingge’s preferences, tastes, and habits.
He knew Liu Qingge slept like the dead, barely moving all night.
He knew Liu Qingge was an early riser, and that he had a workout routine at ass o’clock every day.
He knew Liu Qingge preferred his coffee black, strong, and no sugar, to punch him awake. And that he got hangry very easily, so when he got back from his morning jog, he should have his breakfast already served. He also knew Liu Qingge had gained a little weight, because he was getting more balanced meals at Luo Binghe’s.
He knew his wardrobe was plain, and that all his clothes were second hand, and that he absolutely despised doing the laundry, but didn’t mind doing the dishes.
He knew about his stupidly crazy abilities with the bass. He could just watch him play all day.
He knew Liu Qingge liked being kissed behind his ear, and that he was kind of ticklish in his inner thighs, but that stronger and more forceful touches there would make him bite back moans. He knew about all of the moles scattered through his body, and liked seeing him melt in his hands whenever Luo Binghe mapped them with his fingers or lips.
He knew Liu Qingge loved his pecs and pierced nipples, and knew how to tease Luo Binghe with it.
He knew Liu Qingge was extremely touch-starved, even though he tried very hard to hide it.
He knew about all of this, and he also knew it didn’t even scratch the surface. He wanted to know so much more. He wanted to be there no matter the ups and downs, he wanted to cook for him, to style his hair just as he did for him; he wanted to wake up and fall asleep beside him every day.
“I’m going to take you up on your offer, though,” Liu Qingge continued, biting his toast. “For a lazy Sunday. I don’t mind working on the finishing line of your song from here. My legs are a bit sore.”
Luo Binghe chuckled. “Well, you seemed to have fun in the pit yesterday, so no wonder.” He proceeded to steal more apples, but Liu Qingge slapped his hand away.
“How do you know? You were busy performing.”
Luo Binghe propped his head on his elbow, sinking a bit into the soft pillow, and looked up at him. “I like watching you from the stage.”
Liu Qingge hmphed. “And maybe I like watching you from the pit.” A playful smile appeared on his lips, while he continued eating that apple.
He didn’t know why Liu Qingge’s genuine smiles were always this devastating. Maybe because they were so rare, or because they were so beautiful, it never failed to make his heart flutter.
“Let’s date,” escaped Luo Binghe’s mouth before he could stop it or think about it.
The last slice stopped midway to Liu Qingge’s mouth, and his smile was quickly replaced by a deep frown.
“What?”
Luo Binghe sat up, a little bit panicky. Shit. He was so entranced the words just slipped.
But it was out there now, so he should finish this. Careful, slow. Liu Qingge will understand. Even if he rejects Luo Binghe for now, he will understand.
“I-I mean. Make it official. We’re basically already dating, anyway.”
Liu Qingge put the slice back in the tray, and crossed his arms. Not good. That was his way of closing off. Luo Binghe could already feel the wall being built back up again between them.
“You think this is dating? You’re not the first to have brought breakfast to bed for me.”
A sudden wave of jealousy came crashing up Luo Binghe’s gut, and he could feel his face burning and his heart starting to pound. How dare he conflate Luo Binghe with his stupid past hookups? Of course he’d understand someone wanting to bring Liu Qingge breakfast in bed after an amazing night with him; but for Luo Binghe, it wasn’t because of the sex. Not anymore, not for a long ass time.
He breathed in and out, trying to calm his insides. He shouldn’t let his emotions take over.
“No, not that,” he said, trying to keep his voice even. “I mean all the rest.”
“What rest? We fucking doesn’t mean we’re dating.”
“It’s not about that…”
“Then what’s it about?!”
“It’s about me falling in fucking love with you!”
No… it wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He shouldn’t be shouting such a thing like he was angry at it, even with his heart hammering in his ribcage, frustration rapidly rising and clenching in his throat. He at least managed to bite his tongue and not say more, and end up spilling everything all at once. So he quietly watched as Liu Qingge’s face had frozen in a very complicated expression.
Suddenly, he scoffed. Not his usual scoff, but a real one. Like he was looking down on Luo Binghe.
"You? In love with me? Don’t make me laugh.”
Luo Binghe got up from the bed, indignant. “Why would this be a laughing matter?!”
Liu Qingge calmly put away the tray, sitting up properly on the bed. His movements were robotic, as if he’d just turned into a completely different person from just two seconds ago. Like he was consciously putting on a mask.
“Listen. I come, we fuck, I leave. Where did you even find the time to ‘fall in love’?”
"All the fucking times we spent together not fucking?” Luo Binghe looked at him in disbelief. “Do you still think we’re just each other’s booty calls?”
Liu Qingge shrugged. “Sounds about right.”
A maniacal laugh escaped Luo Binghe’s mouth. He rubbed his face, trying to keep himself in check. “Then you must have very special booty calls for you to spend time with them every fucking weekend, talking about your life, making music with them, meeting each other’s families, and not fucking.”
Liu Qingge frowned deeply again, and exhaled, and Luo Binghe felt it was so condescending he had to take a breath. Liu Qingge got up from the bed as well, and started gathering his things.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Or haven’t you realized I didn’t do anything of that myself? All of the times I decided to come here was to fuck, and so we did. You’ve never been to my house. I went to that party because coincidentally your parents are my employers. And you,” he said with finality. “You’ve never met my family.”
There was something really cruel in those words - like Liu Qingge was making sure Luo Binghe’d never had a real place in his life. Something stirred up inside Luo Binghe and it finally went up to his head.
“Oh, I have. I have met your sister. And she’s just like you said she was. A good ‘kid’."
Liu Qingge furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief. “Are we making shit up now? There’s no way you’d meet her."
“Ask her, then!” Luo Binghe rebutted. “Not only that but she was the one who approached me about you. She was the one who told me how happy she was because you were doing better. Gee, I wonder what, or perhaps who did that to you? Because I’m sure it wasn’t Shen Yuan.”
Liu Qingge gripped the clothes he had picked up with such force his knuckles turned white.
“Don’t you fucking bring up Shen Yuan in this conversation.”
“Why can’t I bring him up?!”
“Because this has nothing to do with him!”
Luo Binghe scoffed. That wall wasn’t just between them, it seemed; it was also to somehow shield Liu Qingge from the truth he didn’t want to see.
“You say this has nothing to do with him when it’s all about him, isn’t it? Since the start, we wouldn’t have started all this if not because of him. And though I could understand why you wanted to keep it from him at the beginning, the more we did this, the less I wanted to lie to him. I don’t want to be your little secret, /especially/ from him. You think he would never find out? What did you want to do, just keep doing this indefinitely and have some sort of double life? I’m not your fucking plaything!”
“You know nothing about me!” Liu Qingge roared. “OR him for that matter! You came into our lives out of nowhere, and now you think you have the right to say anything about how I deal with my friend? You’ve been nothing but a disturbance, ruining everything!”
There it was.
So Luo Binghe really was a disturbance, after all.
Something blinded him with rage, and worthlessness, and confusion - and then his mouth started moving on its own.
“I am ruining things?
No. Calm down.
“You say I’m ruining things when you are the one who has no fucking balls to admit how you truly feel?"
Shut up.
“I don’t have to take shit just because you’re a fucking coward.”
Why were those words said when it wasn’t how he truly felt?
And yet, he couldn’t contain his anger when even Liu Qingge was belittling his feelings, as if everything was a great, intricate pretext to get in their way.
“You don't have a say in how I handle my relationship with Shen Yuan. You wouldn't understand. I'm not a coward for being content with how things are. Being happy to be able to be his friend and be close to him and it being enough is not cowardice. You would never understand because you don't know me.”
“I don’t know you because you don’t let me know you!” Luo Binghe yelled once again, his voice quivering. “But don’t tell me you’ve never had an infinitesimal shred of feelings for me, after all this time, after all we’ve done.”
Liu Qingge’s teeth were clenched, and he said in a low, deadly tone between them. “I will. I haven’t.”
Luo Binghe’s heart caught in his throat. That was a blatant lie. It was a fucking lie.
“Let me ask you, then,” he tried again to even his breathing, though not with much success. “What was all this, to you?”
Liu Qingge’s nostrils were flaring, and his chest was rapidly rising and falling. But the absolute bloodshot fire in his eyes turned into something stone cold. He uttered every word, each one like a sharp stab.
“This was nothing. And now you’ll get even less than that.”
Luo Binghe didn’t even manage to flinch at the very loud bang the exit door made once Liu Qingge turned around and left.
The last image that was branded in Luo Binghe’s brain was an icy, distant one; such a painful difference from the serene complexion of that morning.
The rims of his eyes stung. It stung so hard he had to blink a few times. He felt warmth trailing down his face.
He wiped it with the back of his hand.
“You could’ve just said no…”