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Taehyun sat on a cushion, legs crisscrossed and a book on astronomy in his hands. His tutor had expressed a fascination with the astral bodies above them for a while, and Taehyun would love to be able to share such passion, going as far as to ask his father, the governor, to order a telescope for him. He knew he wasn’t supposed to care about things like that though, he was meant to be focusing on his other studies so he'd be able to take his father's place once age caught up to him, but there was something fascinating about stars and the pictures they painted in the sky. It could bring up thoughts and questions that he hadn't thought of before, as everything related to Kim Namjoon often did.
He looked through the pages in his book when he heard footsteps coming from behind him, making a soft sigh leave him, “I'm not done yet Jimin hyung.”
A light chuckle could be heard by the boy, the same voice that used to call him cute when his mouth hung open as he spaced out, or focused on something. Taehyun knew who it was, and it wasn’t Jimin. The footsteps continued to come closer until a figure had stopped right behind his seat. Taehyun crooked his neck so he could look up.
"I know," Said Namjoon with a grin, Taehyun felt all tingly inside as he observed his tutor's dimpled smile.
Namjoon couldn’t refrain from staring either. Looking up like that Taehyun's eyes looked even bigger, his cheeks dusted in pink adorably.
"You may continue your current studies, young master. I will be reviewing some of our classes for today."
A small smile formed on Taehyun's lips as he lowered his head back to the book. Namjoon watched him as he focused on it, how his long lashes covered the top of his eyes every time they flitted over the page, and the way his elegant fingers moved over them. Taehyun had always been beautiful, even during his childhood. He wasn't an only child, but his older sister was soon married. Although born with a silver spoon in his mouth, Taehyun was a pure soul which Namjoon wished to protect. The young master wanted to be near his tutors at all times, seeking the attention most servants didn't care to give, and it wasn’t in his parents' nature to offer.
Namjoon wanted to hold him and make sure he was safe whenever he felt uneasy. He had never told anyone about that, especially since his feelings had grown too strong. He wanted to tell Taehyun so badly, yet the fear of rejection scared him.
"Seonbi-nim, do you mind telling me what our lesson is today?" Asked Taehyun, looking up again. The book was closed, laying neatly on the floor by Taehyun's side.
"Well, your father asked me to lecture you on economics." Explained Namjoon as he placed another book in the young master's hand. "But I know you'd rather do that with model calculations than with me talking about the theory."
"Seonbi-nim knows me too well."
"Let us go to the sarangbang then."
With a single nod of his head, Taehyun got up to follow Namjoon.
The two walked out of the library and towards the direction of Taehyun's studying room, the sarangbang, which was only two hallways away. They'd sit there for hours until the tutor deemed enough, and Taehyun wouldn't ever complain. Taehyun walked beside Namjoon, the older couldn't help but glance over at him, admiring the beauty that made his heart beat just a little faster with each passing day, making him almost give in to the desire to hold him close and never let go.
Almost, for he knew he couldn't. Not even if Taehyun wanted to be with him too.
Namjoon shook his head, clearing his mind.
They walked through the sliding screen doors leading into Taehyun's sarangbang, the air smelled strongly of flowers the younger had gathered when studying basic medicinal herbs. With Namjoon’s book still in hand, Taehyun sat at his work desk and waited for Namjoon to do the same, taking the desk in front to begin their lesson.
Namjoon had always loved math, hence one of the reasons why astronomy fascinated him so much, and Taehyun took that passion for numbers and made it his, flitting through formulas and situations where they could solve a problem. Whether Taehyun dedicated himself to it only to impress him, Namjoon didn't know, but Taehyun was outstanding with questions involving logic.
It was after a few hours of lessons they were done, Namjoon having taught Taehyun how to properly solve a problem he couldn't quite get the result to. The elder helped the young master put his things in order before walking him outside the room and shutting the door.
"Seonbi-nim, did I do well?"
Namjoon nodded, his lips turning upward slightly. Namjoon led the young master to the garden area where they spent any free time after lessons, "Yes you did very well, I'm proud of you, young master"
A wide smile grew across Taehyun's face and Namjoon could see the pride in his expression.
"Thank you, Namjoon hyung." Said Taehyun. Namjoon was taken aback for a second, a feeling of happiness growing within him. This was a normal reaction to Taehyun calling him 'hyung', Namjoon had barely heard it even. He decided not to point it out, to not acknowledge it in fear Taehyun would be ashamed and never do it again.
They walked quietly, the only sounds coming from their shoes against the stone path. Taehyun's hands were behind his back hidden deep into his sleeves, fiddling with his fingers.
"I will be of age soon." He stated, breaking the silence between them.
Namjoon hummed, letting the younger speak.
"Will you be joining the ceremony?" Asked Taehyun, glancing sideways at Namjoon. The older didn't have any plans to do it, he'd not been invited, after all, not being of noble range. He shrugged off his own feelings and focused on the topic at hand.
They neared the entrance gate to the secret garden Taehyun had found about when he was younger. The young master had begun fixing it ever since, caring for the plants and restoring the wooden decorations with the help of a few servants. Namjoon held the door so Taehyun could pass, entering behind him and closing the gate behind them.
"Maybe, maybe not."
"Oh," Taehyun let out, Namjoon knew him long enough to notice the disappointment in the small sound.
"Young master wishes for my presence?" Asked Namjoon, and Taehyun stopped dead in his tracks, Namjoong saw how he bunched up the fabric of his sleeves, kneading at it anxiously.
"If I said yes, would you be there, seonbi-nim?"
"I wouldn’t want to intrude, young master, it's not my place to be," He was just a servant, nothing more, nothing less, “I will give you my good wishes though.”
Taehyun turned around, looking down, "Nevermind, seonbi-nim, forget I said anything, I overstepped,” He bowed a ninety-degree apology, “I'll go study some more, seonbi-nim, excuse me."
And then, before Namjoon could utter anything, the young master hurriedly exited the garden, leaving Namjoon standing there wondering what he did wrong.
When Namjoon entered his room at the end of the day it felt unbearably empty. The setting sun slowly painted the sky reds, oranges, and pinks. Namjoon sighed in defeat and dropped himself on the cushion he had put by the window.
"I'm sorry, Taehyun-ah..." He whispered to the wind.
"Taehyun-ah, why do you have such a sour look on your face?" Jimin, his main attendant, questioned while setting Taehyun’s bed.
"Hyung... Didn't you say Seonbi-nim-nim Kim had feelings for me?" Taehyun sighed as he fixed his sleeping under robes.
"That's what he has said to me himself, yes." Replied Jimin with a small laugh.
"He doesn't know how I feel about him though, does he?" Taehyun sounded sad as he spoke.
"You've never said anything to him about it, did you?"
"I was going to tell him since it's my birthday tomorrow, but he isn't even coming to my ceremony,” The young master vented, “ And i saw how he reacted when I asked if he would be there if I asked him to, he was so cold, it's obvious to me he doesn't feel the same."
Jimin observed the young master pace around in his sleeping attire, bare feet beating on the wooden floor. He sighed, shaking his head in slight disapproval. He didn't want the young master to be sad. But Namjoon was also his hyung, so he couldn’t pick sides.
"You shouldn't force him, it might make him uncomfortable, especially considering he has a reputation to maintain and so do you," He opted, holding Taehyun in place by putting his hands on the young master's shoulders.
"How can I even face him during lesson tomorrow hyung?" Whined the young master, turning sharply to look Jimin right in the eyes. Jimin flinched when he saw how teary Taehyun's eyes were, he liked Namjoon too much for his own good.
"You like him this much?" Questioned Jimin, raising an eyebrow curiously. It surprised Jimin seeing Taehyun in this state, Taehyun didn't often show any sign of weakness. Being taught since he was young to keep a certain level of composure.
"Yes! I like him!" Shouted Taehyun, tears threatening to spill onto his cheeks.
Jimin didn't know how to react. He'd seen many young masters cry because of their own emotions, but none he'd witnessed before was this upset. Taehyun wanted to be reciprocated, he wanted to be seen as a potential lover.
"Then let us make him understand your feelings, and take a bit of revenge for his obliviousness," That was all he replied, going to Taehyun’s vanity and grabbing a book he had been previously reading.
"Revenge?"
"Just listen to hyung."
Uncertain, Taehyun lifted an eyebrow, eyeing the book, "What are we gonna do?"
"You can use this, Taehyun-ah," Said Jimin, handing Taehyun a book.
Skeptical, Taehyun just stated the obvious, "A book."
Jimin nodded, "Open it."
Taehyun opened the book on a random page, coming face to face with an erotic illustration. He squealed and dropped the book, covering his flushed face. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what he was seeing, he was old enough to know about sex and that it didn’t happen only between men and woman, but seeing that scene made him extremely flustered.
"Taehyun-ah, keep it down," Jimin scolded.
"How can I when you- Just tell me why this kind of book..."
"Ask about this to Namjoon, tell him to teach you, make his heart race a little, it might make him admit his own feelings."
Taehyun scoffed at that, looking down at the book by his feet before lowering himself and taking it in his hand, “This is ridiculous hyung, but thank you, I will… Try your idea."
Walking into the sarangbang the next day with the cursed book in hand, Taehyun felt his stomach do flips. He was nervous, his brain nagging at him how Namjoon would despise him for having such a thing in his possession and hate him for suggesting that they performed such acts together. But he had read the whole book through the night, not resisting to touch himself as he thought of Namjoon doing those things to him.
He felt dirty, dirty of all the ways he fantasized about them together. It's been months he had begun thinking about it now, and the book had made his desire even stronger. He sat himself down at his desk opening the book into the least suggestive page. His hands trembled with his mind going haywire as he thought about what could go wrong. What if Jimin had been mistaken about Namjoon's affection? What if Namjoon got angry at him? What if Namjoon refused him? What if Namjoon thought he was disgusting?
The younger shook his head. No, Namjoon wouldn't think that way. There was no reason he could think that way to him.
"Oh, excuse me, young master Kang," Namjoon said as he entered the sarangbang, startling Taehyun who jolted on his seat, "Am I late for our lesson?"
Taehyun shook his head, looking at the door, “I’m the one who is early, seonbi-nim.”
He turned back to the book, his gaze flickering quickly over the words and illustrations, reading each word carefully, observing each brushstroke, the sound of his breathing becoming heavier as he read about how one of the characters had their body pinned to the floor as the other fucked them roughly. His legs trembled, face flushing. He could feel his member getting interested even if he had already read the entire book. Namjoon would feel so big over him, inside him.
"Are you angry at me, young master?" Questioned Namjoon, Taehyun looked up at the older, startled once again, the book still held tightly in his hand.
"No!" Replied Taehyun quickly, trying to hide the blush on his face by bowing it down again to focus on the book.
Namjoon stared worriedly at the boy.
"Then what is it?"
"Nothing seonbi-nim, I am fine, please continue teaching me today."
Namjoon walked closer to Taehyun placing a gentle hand on the younger's shoulder. Taehyun gasped lightly at his touch, trying to hold back the embarrassing noise that was about to slip past his lips. The image of Namjoon touching him in his dreams was still fresh in his mind.
"What are you reading today, young master?" Asked Namjoon curiously. Taehyun snapped the book closed, hiding it under his desk, thankfully it wasn’t one of the illustrated pages that were open when Namjoon approached. He didn't want to answer, he couldn’t, he wasn’t brave enough to do a Jimin had suggested.
"Young master Kang, why are your ears so red?" Asked Namjoon curiously, kneeling down behind Taehyun to grab the book from under the table, Taehyun couldn't help but hold his breath at their proximity.
It wasn't just Namjoon being bent almost over him, that made him struggle for air, it was the tone Namjoon used while so close to him that made Taehyun's heart pound loudly against his chest while his whole face burned hotter than it ever had before. Taehyun cleared his throat slightly.
“Se- seonbi-nim…?”
Amidst his nervousness, Namjoon had managed to sneak his hand under the table and grabbed the book, standing up almost immediately. Taehyun tried to grab it back desperately but ended up grasping only the fabric of Namjoon's hanbok.
"Please, seonbi-nim, don't open it."
Namjoon flipped the book in his hand, analyzing the cover, "I recognize this, it’s one of Jimin-ah's books."
"Please don't, Namjoon hyung, I-"
Namjoon had already opened the book when Taehyun pleaded, flipping its pages he had to try to maintain the blankest of expressions. An erotic novel. Jimin had given Tehyun an erotic novel. Taehyun watched his hyung read the book, feeling his eyes tearing up and his mouth going dry at the sight.
"You like men, young master?" Questioned Namjoon, not knowing what else to say.
At his question, Taehyun felt his heart shatter to pieces as his eyes fell to the floor, letting go of his tutor's clothing. Taehyun felt hot tears stream down his face and hit the floor below. He kept on crying silently.
"Taehyun?" Called Namjoon concerned as he saw that the Taehyun was crying. Was he embarrassed, ashamed of himself for liking men?
"I..." Taehyun looked up at the older, his tear-streaked face showing the pain he was feeling, "I'm sorry hyung."
Taehyun bowed his head again, forehead touching the cold floor. Namjoon gasped, kneeling down to reach for Taehyun.
When Taehyun felt Namjoon's soft hand on his cheek he looked up, staring up at him with wide eyes.
"Taehyun, why are you sorry?"
The young master's whole body was trembling violently. He felt so scared, he didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say. Tears ran down his face freely and he felt ashamed. Shame at himself for thinking that Namjoon could feel something for him. He was disgusted, disgusted at himself for lusting over his tutor.
"Don't hate me, please don't hate me," Pleaded Taehyun, pulling away.
"Why would I hate you?" Namjoon asked, concerned as to why would Taehyun suddenly shy away from him.
"Because I love you!" Taehyun yelled. Namjoon sat there dumbfounded, eyes widened as he stared at the other in disbelief.
"Wh-
Taehyun couldn't bear to listen to an answer, he couldn't face rejection just yet. He stood up from the floor and turned, running out of the room, tears falling down his cheeks as he ran towards the stairs that led out of the building and towards his rooms.
"Taehyun!" Called Namjoon hurriedly following after the younger.
Thankfully no servants were around that part of the property during Taehyun's lessons. He would have been certainly punished for addressing the young master in such an informal manner. But he couldn’t stop, Namjoon couldn’t let Taehyun go thinking that he hated him, not when he loved him so much. When he got closer he reached out for Taehyun.
Taehyun was running so fast he was surprised when Namjoon caught him by the wrist, stopping him in his tracks and pulling his body close. He wanted to shout, to order Namjoon to let go of him.
Turning around, he stared at the older who was looking back at him in worry.
"Do you honestly believe I could ever hate you, Taehyun-ah?"
Taehyun bit his lip, bringing his sleeve up to wipe away some of his tears. He lowered his eyes at the floor once more as he mumbled, "I... I don't know! I-it's just that, you never openly showed any interest in me... and when Jimin hyung told me you liked me I got so hopeful... but then you said you wouldn't come to my birthday celebration, and acted so cold… even as you saw what kind of book I was reading you acted so indiferent!"
Namjoon felt his heart ache at hearing him speak, at seeing him cry. He pulled Taehyun into a hug, holding him close to his chest, and whispered, "My feelings towards you are like yours toward me, Taehyun-ah."
Taehyun pushed him away, eyes searching in his, unsure if he could trust his words or not. Taehyun had thought that maybe he would get mad if he confessed his feelings. That maybe he would turn away from him, that he might hate him for liking him. But here he was, hugging and comforting him instead. He saw only truth in Namjoon’s eyes. Taehyun threw himself back into Namjoon’s arms, his arms tightening around Namjoon's waist to keep the other close as he let out yet another sob.
"Sorry if I scared you, sorry if I made you sad," Namjoon kept whispering comforting words to Taehyun, kissing the top of his head. Taehyun leaned into the embrace, feeling safe in Namjoon's warm, firm arms. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths in relief.
"Don't be, it's okay," Whispered Taehyun into his chest, nuzzling into it. His breathing was slowly calming as he listened to Namjoon's steady heartbeat. He could tell that Namjoon loved him in that moment, as he kept him close even if others could walk by and see.
"I'm still curious though as to why my innocent Taehyunie had one of Jimin-ah's nasty erotic novels in his possession." Namjoon giggled.
"Jimin hyung said it could be a nice way to convince you to confess your feelings."
"By seducing me?" Indagued Namjoon with a small chuckle, pulling away from the hug only so he could look at Taehyun.
Taehyun blushed, smiling at the older in embarrassment. His hand reached out to grab a fistful of Namjoons hanbok in front of him, tugging at it, trying to bring him closer again. “Would it have worked?”
“Not at all, my will is made of steel.”
“Namjoon hyung…”
“Taehyun-ah, if only you knew how much I love it when you call me that…”
“Namjoon hyung, kiss me, please?”
“As you wish,” Namjoon smiled at him, leaning in slowly and pressing his lips against Taehyun’s.
It felt right. Right to kiss Taehyun. Right to have Taehyun's soft lips pressed against his own. Tender, loving, sweet. Taehyun tasted sweet, and he kissed Namjoon back eagerly, hands coming up to caress his face. Taehyun broke their kiss first, resting his forehead against the other’s, smiling brightly.
Namjoon ran his fingers through Taehyun's black hair gently. "Don't cry anymore, precious Taehyun-ah..."
“No, as long as you stay by my side I won’t.”
Namjoon leaned in for another kiss, holding Taehyun flush to him by his waist. he felt so small in his arms even though they were almost the same height. Taehyun pulled away again, breathing heavily, his hands clutching tight onto Namjoon's robes. Namjoon felt himself grow even more in love with every second they spent in each others’ arms. They leaned in at the same time, mouths pressed together messily, lips parting, tongues intertwining until Namjoon pulled back from the kiss, pressing their foreheads together. Their hearts thudding wildly inside their chests, their breaths coming out in puffs.
"When you're ready, tell hyung, and he will teach you everything."
Taehyun's breath hitched a little, nodding as he held Namjoon's face between his palms, smiling widely before closing the gap between them for another kiss.