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To Forgive But Not Forget

Summary:

Urianger had never felt as close to the Warrior of Light as the other Scions and, in his opinion, had no one but himself to blame for that. After his part in the Exarch's plan had been revealed he was sure that her cold silences and looks of distrust would follow him for the rest of his life.

Luckily, Thancred had no intentions of letting such a rift remain untended

Notes:

This was originally part of the "To the End" collection but it felt like it made more sense to post the series as individual stories as opposed to multiple chapters in a work.

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The Rising Stones had been home to the Scions for years, though it wasn’t often that all of them could be found there at the same time. This was especially true now that there was a world-ending crisis on the horizon and with frighteningly little knowledge about how to stop it.

Thus it was that Urianger had just spent almost all of his recent evenings and following mornings poured over a recently borrowed tomb. Despite his best efforts, however, he had made little progress and had finally closed the book, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

So many hours spent, with so little useful knowledge gained… he thought with a frown

It was in these moments, exhausted by studies, that Urianger found his thoughts drifting to when he and Moenbryda would spend long nights at the Stadium talking about their studies and bouncing ideas off of each other until she would make a joke about the bags under his eyes and practically drag him out of the library to force him to “at least” take a nap for a few hours.

Urianger reflexively reached up to grip at the front of his robe, chest aching.

It had been so long and yet sometimes he felt as if the pain of losing her was as fresh as on that day. That, mixed with his exhaustion, caused him to jump with a start as he thought he heard Moenbryda’s voice call out to him from above.

“You all right there, Urianger?” A female voice above him said.

Urianger looked up with widened eyes but then quickly forced his face into a calmer expression when he saw the Warrior of Light looking down at him with a curious but slightly worried expression.

“A-Ah, ‘tis just you, my friend. Forgive me, I did not hear thee approach and thus felt startled by thy presence.” He said with a smile that he hoped didn’t look as forced as it was. Even though he knew better, there was still a part of him that hoped he would have seen her face instead, smiling at him.

Aesa raised an eyebrow and shifted a rather large fishing pole over her shoulder. “That so? Funny, I swear people can hear me clomping through a quiet library like this from a malm away” She smiled at her own joke but then continued, looking slightly more thoughtful. “But seriously, Urianger, have you slept at all? Don’t tell me you’re getting as bad as Raha was back on the First…have I gotta carry you back to your room too?”

Urianger quickly interceded before she could consider her words to be more than a lighthearted jest. “N-nay my friend. Do not worry about my health overmuch. I promise I am used to much more intensive studies than this.” He smiled lightly though this only made Aesa look even more suspicious.

“Right…” She said with a flat stare. “Well, I may not be an expert on studying and all that but I do know that working past the point of actually accomplishing anything and making yourself more exhausted isn’t gonna do you or the rest of us any good.” She gave him a stern look that made him more than a bit nervous until it melted into a good-natured smile. “Why don’t you come relax with me a bit? I was just gonna head over to Costa del Sol to see if I could get some of my fishing log a bit filled out more.”

Urianger blinked. “Pray forgive me if I am misunderstanding thy meaning…but never before have I ventured closer to the vast ocean outside of Limsa Lominsa than was immediately required of me for, ah…” He coughed. “…obvious reasons.”

Aesa laughed. “I’m not going on a swim, Urianger. The whole point of fishing is to pull the things living in there out, not to join them. And if you find yourself sopping wet, well, you’re doing a whole lot wrong.”

“But I—”

“Come on, I have some extra poles and gear with me. A few hours in the fresh air will do you some good!” Heedless of his stumbled protests, Aesa grabbed the Elezen’s arm and tugged him to his feet then out the door. Urianger quickly glanced at a few of the other residents of the Rising Stones for some sort of aid but, to his chagrin, found them to be watching him with various levels of amusement. F’lhaminn even had the gall to laugh as she waved the two of them farewell.

However, despite his embarrassment, Urianger couldn’t help but feel a sense of happiness at the Warrior of Light so easily inviting him along on one of her excursions. It was hard for him to admit but, truthfully, it was something that never would have happened before they had all gone to the Source. She had always looked at him with a sense of confusion, distance and, in the worst of times, suspicion and anger.

In fact, after his part in the Exarch’s scheme had been revealed, he had been sure that the chance to truly become friends had been lost to him forever. Thus, as Aesa pulled him along towards the Aetheryte, chatting about beginner fishing techniques, Urianger smiled thoughtfully as he reflected on when the rising tension between the two of them had finally come to a head.

***

“I’m a danger to everyone around me” she had said. Neither confirming nor denying that she would be able to forgive him, just avoiding the subject entirely in order to focus on her main concern: She was on the verge of turning into a sin eater and didn’t want anyone to be around her and suffer for it.

Despite her protests they had all gone with her into the Tempest and, as she easily admitted to later, had played no small part in ensuring Hades’ defeat. Much to Urianger’s distress, however, Aesa felt no immediate need to breech the topic again. But oh, he could feel her answer anyway; the way that she glanced at him, eyes narrowed slightly, the way that she pointedly avoided being alone in the same room with him or that she only spoke to him when he would ask her a question, replying in the most simple, formal terms and always excusing herself to go anywhere else, be anywhere else as long as it didn’t involve spending time with him alone.

Urianger knew it was nothing less than what he deserved but, gods, he would have preferred shouting and cursing over the cold, silent resentment. Thus, it was with some hesitation that he went along with the Warrior of Light, Ryne and Thancred to their mission to the Empty.

Although I suppose there should be little reason to truly worry myself, as Ryne and Thancred will be journeying with us. Urianger thought as he watched Aesa tell an enraptured Ryne stories from the Source. He smiled fondly at the way Aesa’s energy fed off of Ryne’s enthusiasm and how the girl listened with rapt attention as Aesa’s hand gestures became wilder and more dramatic as she reached the finale of her tale. He tried to pay little attention to the pit in his stomach as that old, familiar feeling of isolation, of being on the outside of the group, crept in.

Nay, is this not the least of what I deserve? Urianger thought, finally having to turn his eyes away from the sight. Despite that, he was grateful when Thancred’s voice suddenly interrupted his darker thoughts.

“All right, I figure we ought to grab some supplies before setting out to the desolate wastelands of the Empty, don’t you?”

“Oh, you mean we get to bring food?” Aesa said with a playful grin. “Here I thought we were going to see how long we could last before resorting to eating each other.”

“Ha ha.” He replied flatly, which caused her grin to widen further. “As enlightening as a foray into cannibalism would be, I presume that just normal rations should do us fine. I’ve done us a favor of making a list of things that should last us a good while without breaking the bank, including tents and other knick knacks for surviving out in the wilderness. Shouldn’t take us more than an hour if we split into, let’s say, two groups?”

Just as Aesa opened her mouth to suggest pairings, Thancred swifly intercepted. “Ryne, let’s go down this way. Urianger, you and Aesa take this half of the list and go that way.”

Urianger felt his heart skip a beat and he quickly looked over at the Warrior, whose face had darkened slightly. After shooting a quick glance at Urianger, she sighed in obvious resignation before beginning to walk towards the nearby stall. “Well, let’s get this started”

Let’s get this over with said her tone.

Urianger winced slightly but steeled himself enough to follow after her. Luckily the shopping trip itself proceeded without much fanfare with the both of them trying in equal measure to get it done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Although Aesa didn’t treat him with any outright hostility, Urianger couldn’t help but think about how much fun she would be having if she hadn’t been with him. She’d likely be telling Thancred a joke about one of the merchants or pointing out a cute piece of jewelry that she thought would look good Ryne. Instead, she was businesslike in her precision, grabbing each necessary item she found and paying for it without much browsing or chatting.

If only I— He started but then immediately stopped himself with a shake of the head. No, it was far too late to have those thoughts.

As quickly as they had gotten their part of the errands done, it wasn’t surprising that they arrived at the skyslipper first. Aesa made busy trying to organize some of the supplies they had bought but, after a while, finished that task and had no choice but to try and wait patiently. She leaned against the skyslipper, arms folded and keeping a lookout as a heavy, awkward silence fell upon them.

Urianger tried to think of a way to break the stillness but any topic, any subject that he tried to think of died on his lips. Just as he had finally decided to breach the topic of the Exarch’s health (as this had the most likelihood of bringing her into a conversation longer than a sentence) Aesa, surprisingly, broke the silence first.

“Ah gods…Thancred did this on purpose, didn’t he?” She sighed, stretching her arms above her.

“I…beg your pardon?” Urianger asked, watching as she stretched from side to side.

“He’s tried to bring it up a few times, you know…About how we weren’t getting along, how we needed to just ‘sit down and talk’ or something like that. ‘Course that’s pretty rich coming from him but now all of a sudden we’re sent off to do some errands and we just so ‘happened’ to get done early while Thancred and Ryne are nowhere to be found.” She folded her arms and looked at Urianger, humor quickly fading from her expression and tone. “Funny isn’t it?”

Urianger felt his stomach drop and, despite his best efforts to appear calm, he couldn’t meet her eyes as they bore into him. “I…truly doubt that’s the case. Thancred has little cause to plan such duplicity such a situation as this.”

“Ah, that’s right. You would know, wouldn’t you? After all, you’re the resident expert in duplicity.” Her voice grew cold at that last word and Urianger felt the heavy weight of accusation compress his chest, such that he found it difficult to breathe. He opened his mouth to respond but his mouth suddenly ran dry and he found himself unable to speak.

The uneasy peace had finally been broken and it was much too late to try and take it back.

“What, no response? No defense? No lecture?” She looked to the side with a bitter smirk. “You’re always going on about plans and prophecies and every other sort of gibberish. And now you’re staring at me, gaping like a landed fish?” She scoffed and looked back at him. “You know what? Fine. Thancred wants us to talk? Let’s talk

She unfolded her arms and took a step towards Urianger, who felt himself physically recoiling as she grew closer, his eyes still glued on the ground “You…You’ve really got some nerve, you know?” She started “After all that bullshit you pulled with ‘pretending’ to join Ardbert and the others…you went on and on and on about how sorry you were and then you pull the same damn thing again. I mean…really? Really, Urianger?!”

“I…” He swallowed then continued shakily. “I do not deserve thy forgiveness but… thou must believe that, at that time, I had no intention of deceiving thee again, I—”

“Oh really?! Well, that just makes it all better, doesn’t it?” She spat and he immediately shut his mouth tightly.

She had moved only a step or two away from him now, close enough that she had to look up into his face. He forced himself to look into her eyes, to face his punishment, to observe the depths of anger and pain behind them as she clenched her fists, voice shaking with fury.

“Do you even know what it was like for me, Urianger? What it felt like, having no idea what the hell was happening to my body, to my soul as I felt the light tearing it apart? And then hearing you whispering about me behind my back to Y’shtola, like you knew? Like you knew what was happening to me, but didn’t feel the need to tell me about it?!”

She reached up and grabbed the front of his robes, yanking his head down closer to her level. “Well?!”

Urianger’s lip trembled slightly but…no. He didn’t deserve to shed the tears that he felt welling up behind his eyes, though his voice still felt hoarse as he tried to stutter out a reply “N-nay…I cannot imagine the…the pain and anguish thou wert undergoing…as a direct result of mine own duplicity, h—…however reluctant it may have been...”

“I thought…” She took a shaky breath, her grip loosening slightly. “I thought that it made sense, after all…” She smiled bitterly. “I could be replaced, right? The Scions could just get another Warrior of Light. That maybe I was about to be sacrificed, just—” Her voice cut off suddenly then began in a hoarse wshiper “…Just like Minfilia was.”

Urianger inhaled sharply, staring down at Aesa with wide eyes. He couldn’t speak, could hardly move as she released the front of his robes to fold her arms across herself. The silence lingered with the weight of words that had remained unsaid for years until now; ones that had grown heavy with the bitterness that comes with years of resentment.

What could Urianger say to that? What was there to say?

“I…” Aesa finally began, after what felt like hours. “I was never okay with it, you know…what happened to her. It never felt right. But…” She sighed. “Well Thancred knew her the best, right? He was the one who was closest to her, and… he seemed to accept it. He never held a grudge against you for basically shipping her off here to the First to do whatever the hell it was that she was supposed to do so…so what right did I have to say anything?! So I didn’t…But then all the lies about prophecies and what was going to happen to me, supposed to happen to G’raha—” She whirled on him, seething. “Is it fun to you, or something? To trick me, to trick the stupid brainless warrior who just does whatever she’s told to do while you plot in the shadows and—”

And then, just as suddenly, she stopped. Urianger didn’t realize what had stayed her hand until he noticed that she was looking directly at him, mouth slightly ajar in surprise; though he had just barely been able to tell through the tears that were now clouding his vision and, despite his efforts to stop them, rolling down his cheeks.

“I…” Urianger tried to stifle his sobs, though that only made his voice even shakier as he wiped at his eyes. “I know…that mine words must seem to ring false to thine ears, that thou hast little reason to…to believe it when I say but…but with all earnestness please please believe…it was with the intention of saving thee that I continued on with and aided in the Exarch’s plan…truly…Though I am sure thou hast little reason to believe me…Thou art—" His words broke off in a sob as he covered his eyes with his hand. “Thou art truly dear to me…And to hear thee speak in such a way, as though thou wert an easily replicable tool or weapon, I—I cannot…” He broke off, unable to hold back his sobs any further.

“I cannot bear it…” he whispered.

If only he could make himself easily understood, if only he could feel the same closeness to her that the other Scions did, then…

Then, suddenly, Aesa moved closer to him again. “You…” Her voice was quieter now, more contemplative as she looked up at him. “…It really did hurt you, helping G’raha with his plan, didn’t it? Having to lie like that?”

Urianger could only nod, his throat too closed off to form words anymore.

Aesa looked at him in thoughtful silence for a moment, then nodded to herself. “….I guess I didn’t really get it before now. You were here on the First for years just…holding everything in that whole time, huh? Holding up all those burdens. Knowing that I’d…probably hate you after I found out the truth.”

She paused, looking out at the frozen flood of light above them. “I guess it was stupid for me to think that just cuz you didn’t show it, didn’t mean you weren’t feeling lonely.”

She looked back at him.” I mean, it’s just like when Moenbryda died. Back then…I don’t know. It almost felt like me and everyone else were more upset about it than you were. Lyse and the rest of them…I understood how they were mourning, how they were feeling. You never showed it in a way I understood.”

The mention of Moenbryda only caused his tears to flow more heavily and he wanted nothing more than to retreat, than to shrink in on himself and disappear from her piercing gaze.

“But…” She continued, her voice cracking slightly. “If I had bothered to check on you, if I had gone to the Waking Sands…I’d have found you crying like this, wouldn’t I?”

Then, to his shock, she leaned up to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into an embrace. Urianger held his arms up awkwardly, halfway between hugging her back and pulling away as he stared ahead in tearful shock.

“You’re just an idiot who tries to do everything by himself, huh…But then again, I guess I am too.” She let out a soft, exhausted-sounding laugh then held him tighter.

“All right…all right, Urianger. I forgive you.” She continued. “I guess it can’t be helped, considering it was to prevent the end of multiple worlds and all…” She leaned back slightly to make eye contact with him. “But if you lie like that again I’m seriously going to kick your ass.” She gave him a half grin though he could see tears shining in her eyes. “Deal?”

Urianger let out a mixture of a laugh and a sob, barely able to speak as Aesa laughed and hugged him again, tight and full of affection as he finally managed to lift his arms and return her embrace in full.

They held each other like that for a while, Urianger’s tears still flowing as he half-sobbed a mixture of apologies and gratitude with Aesa smiling softly in response and patting his back every so often. It was with almost suspiciously perfect timing that both Thancred and Ryne returned just as Urianger had gotten ahold of himself and Aesa was offering him a handkerchief.

“Well, sorry for the wait everyone.” Thancred gave them a much too knowing smile. “Everything all right over here? All ready to go?”

Aesa looked at him with a mixture of amusement and exasperation, then at Ryne who was staring to the side with a slightly guilty expression. “Oh…you know. Just having a little heart to heart before the ride over. But everything’s fine. “She looked at Urianger with a genuine smile. “Right?”

“Y…yes…Everything is as it should be. We are prepared for the journey ahead, no doubt.” Urianger quickly finished dabbing at his eyes, knowing he looked a horrible mess but not caring in the least as, finally, the Warrior of Light looked at him without any hostility or suspicion; just contented amusement as she hopped into the skyslipper.

“Well, come on! You guys took long enough ‘shopping’ so let’s get going already!” She called from within. Thancred followed after her, though not before clapping Urianger encouragingly on the shoulder.

Ryne, for her part, gave his arm a comforting pat as she moved passed him. “I’m glad.” She whispered to him. “You just needed to get a few things out in the open, even if it was upsetting…But now you’ll both get a fresh start out it, I think.”

Urianger smiled softly in response. “Yes, I do believe thou hast the right of it, Ryne. And know that I do appreciate thou and Thancred’s duplicity…even if spying on others’ and their conversations is typically frowned upon.”

Ryne had the courtesy to look at least a little sheepish as she beamed in response and took her seat in the back of the skyslipper. After taking a deep, calming breath, Urianger joined her. And, despite how long and tedious the journey was towards their destination, Urianger felt happier and more relaxed than he had in a long, long time as Aesa drew both him and Ryne into conversation to pass the time.

***

“You gotta pull easier on the smaller ones, Urianger, or they’ll run off with your bait again!”

Aesa’s voice snapped him out of his contemplation as, yet again, another fish snapped the delicious morsel from his line and swam off without a care. Urianger pulled the line back out of the water, sighing at the mockingly empty hook. “My apologizes, my friend…I dost believe that the intricacies of this craft still yet elude mine understanding.”

“Nah, it’s not as complicated as all that. You just gotta feel the fish…” She stood up from her spot on the dock, leaving behind the large case full of fish she managed to catch in their short time out and walked over to him, mimicking the gesture of reeling in a large fish. “Like you’re one with your rod, reacting to what the fish is doing, you know?”

Urianger sighed again, wondering how he should feel ‘one’ with a piece of wood as he cast his line out. “I…will try. Although mine—” He stopped as the line tightened and the lure suddenly disappeared under the water. “O-…oh my—”

“Oh, oh! That’s a big one! Pull up Urianger…No wait, go easier! To the left— Oh hells, don’t lose it now!” She cheered excitedly.

Urianger did his best to follow her shouted directions though yelped as he felt himself nearly pulled into the water at a particularly strong tug from his opponent.

“Oh bloody hell—!” Aesa grabbed onto the rod along with Urianger, grunting with the force of it. “This is a stubborn son of a—” She grunted again, trying to brace herself enough that she was able to help pull on the rod and prevent Urianger from taking a tumble straight into the water. After what seemed like hours of pulling, easing off and reeling in they finally landed…

“…Kelp.” Aesa said, staring in disbelief at the large piece of greenery at the end of Urianger’s line.

Panting, Urianger looked from the kelp, to the water, then back at Aesa. “Aye…’twould…appear so…”

A moment of silence hung between them until Aesa snorted then burst out laughing. “Oh hells, that—” She couldn’t even finish the sentence before another fit of laughter stopped her, so strong that it sent her to the ground beside him. She didn’t try to speak again, just kept laughing and laughing as she rolled from side to side.

Urianger didn’t even try to restrain himself, so contagious was her mirth and so ridiculous the situation that he couldn’t stop himself from joining her; Both of them continued laughing, near to the point of tears, even as she insisted they take their “prize” back to the Rising Stones to show off to everyone.

Which, of course, they did.

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