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“Hey, listen, I gotta go. I gotta call Sam and go over the speech for tomorrow so he doesn’t mess up. I’ll call you in the morning, I love you.” Blaine interrupted Kurt in the middle of him talking about New York.
“Okay,” Kurt paused, “I love you too. Goodnight, B. You’re gonna do great tomorrow.” Kurt smiled.
As soon as Kurt was done speaking, Blaine hung up. He didn’t really have to call Sam; he just couldn’t take it anymore. Kurt had this new life, a great life, in a new city. He was working for THE Isabelle Wright. And what was Blaine doing? Asking him for advice on a bowtie. God, he was so pathetic.
-
Blaine’s image left the screen and Kurt slammed his laptop down. He wasn’t mad at Blaine, not really. He just doesn’t understand. Why did Blaine have to go for everything that Kurt wanted? Kurt auditioned for Tony; Blaine got the role. Kurt spent years trying to get Schue to let him sing at a competition, Blaine got to sing in all of them. Kurt ran for student body president, almost got suspended no thanks to Rachel, and lost to Brittany. Brittany. Of all people. Don’t get him wrong, Kurt absolutely loves Britt, but she was not fit to be senior class president. Blaine’s probably going to win, and rationally, Kurt knows that B deserves it. Doesn’t make the sting go away.
He's tired of losing. He’s been losing to Rachel since sophomore year. He always gets pushed to the back, even by his own boyfriend. Kurt loves Blaine, he does. But he doesn’t want to hear about how Blaine won another thing that Kurt lost. He knows it’s selfish, if a little immature, but he can’t help it. He’s trying to be supportive, but it seems that Blaine doesn’t understand how hard it is.
He doesn’t pass. Even when he was in the closet, he was out. He was constantly getting trampled by everyone else. He was bullied the worst out of everyone in the glee club just because he was gay. He was discouraged from singing a duet with another boy because it could ruin the other boy’s reputation. Yet the glee boys (excluding him, of course) were allowed to do fun duets and group numbers with each other without any problems. He was never accepted by them. Then Blaine comes along, transfers to McKinley and was accepted into their clique. It didn’t matter that Blaine is gay because Blaine is a guy’s guy. It doesn’t matter that Kurt can change a tire in the amount of time it takes Finn to finish a sentence. It doesn’t matter that he’s a monster at video games and beats Finn (and Sam, whenever he joined) every time. It doesn’t matter that he can sing lower than any of the guys in glee club. It doesn’t matter because he’s still just the gay kid with the high voice.
He doesn’t think Blaine will ever understand. He’s tired of losing. So maybe he does want to rub it in Blaine’s face that he’s in the city of his dreams. Never mind the fact that he can barely pay his rent. He’s working at Vogue. He figures that given everything he’s lost, he deserves this win. So no, he can’t stop talking about how awesome New York is. He’s proud of himself for getting here. It doesn’t matter that he’s stuck with Rachel in an unknown city with his boyfriend still in another state. He’s definitely not thinking about the fact that Rachel’s living her dream in NYADA, and he didn’t get accepted. He’s definitely not thinking about the fact that he misses his boyfriend.
Blaine’s happy at McKinley. He’s the new leader of glee, and he’s going to win senior class president. Kurt’s proud of his boyfriend, and not jealous at all.
But maybe he does miss Blaine a little bit. He just doesn’t know how to tell Blaine that.
-
“Come on, Kurt. Pick up.” Blaine whispers into the phone. This is the third time he’s tried calling Kurt.
“Hi, you’ve reached Ku-" Blaine hung up. Voicemail. Again.
The party’s still going but Blaine doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to share this with Artie, or Sam, or Marley. He just wants his boyfriend, who’s off in New York surrounded by other hot, gay men. Kurt, who’s hanging out with Isabelle Wright, chief editor of Vogue and who’s probably not thinking about his loser boyfriend’s senior class elections.
Oh, God. What if Kurt meets an attractive model and they hit it off and the next time he calls me is to tell me that we’re breaking up? Stop it, Blaine. Kurt loves you, don’t be ridiculous.
Sometimes he wishes his brain would shut up.
“You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream-" his ringtone cuts through his thoughts. Immediately, he knows it’s Kurt calling him back. Kurt’s the only one who has that ringtone.
“Hey, sorry I didn’t pick up. I was at a meeting with some Vogue editors. They absolutely loved the video and wanted to feature it.” Kurt’s voice comes through the phone once Blaine picks up.
Of course, he only wants to talk about Vogue. It takes everything in Blaine not to cry.
“Anyway,” Kurt kept rambling, “how did the elections go? Did you win? I knew you would.”
It was obvious to Blaine that Kurt didn’t really want to talk about the elections. What Blaine couldn’t figure out is why.
“Yeah, um, they went great. Sam didn’t really deliver his speech the way I wanted him to, but we still won which was great.” Blaine forced a laugh.
“Yeah, Tina sent me a video of the debate. I still can’t believe they let him strip on stage,” Kurt sounded amused.
“At least it was just his shirt and not his pants.” Blaine replied, sounding a little uncomfortable. Although Kurt never confirmed it, Blaine had the suspicion that Kurt has had a crush on Sam in the past. It didn’t help that when Sam moved back, and he was living with the Hudmels, he and Kurt became close friends.
“Yeah,” Kurt let out a little chuckle, “anyway, I have to get back to Isabelle. She wants me to help her design some sketches for our next meeting and it’s already getting a little late. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that I’m proud of you and that I knew you could do it.” Blaine smiled at Kurt’s sweet words. He still feels like they’ve lost their balance, but Kurt’s given him newfound hope that they can still be strong.
“Thanks, love.” Blaine let the endearment slip. He and Kurt weren’t really ones to use pet names, but Blaine felt it was necessary at the moment.
“Anytime, B. Gotta go, love you!” Kurt hung up before Blaine had a chance to reply.
And once again, Blaine was left alone in silence.
-
Blaine’s phone chimes with an incoming message. He pulls out his phone hoping it’s Kurt. They haven’t had much contact over the past week. Kurt’s too busy for him now. He’s not even surprised to see that it’s not Kurt who’s lighting up his phone screen, but he is surprised at the name.
Eli C: Hey
Who’s Eli C? Blaine questions for a moment, frowning at the unfamiliar name. It takes him a moment to remember that he had gotten a friend request from Eli on Facebook a few days ago. He had accepted, only because he figures he should make new friends now that half of his old ones have graduated.
Eli C: Wanna meet up?
Blaine’s phone chimes with another message. He’s almost ashamed of how desperately he wants to meet this Eli guy. He’s barely talked to Kurt, and he’s scared that their relationship isn’t going to survive. He figures there’s no harm in meeting new people if Kurt is doing the same.
Blaine: Sure. Lima Bean at 5?
Eli C: Looking forward to it!
-
“Kurt! You look fine. Seriously, we should have left like twenty minutes ago. Brody’s already there waiting for us. Let’s go.” Rachel’s voice rang out from the other side of the curtain.
Kurt had been obsessing over his appearance for the past hour. It had started with deciding what shoes to wear with his black and red outfit. Then, once he had sorted that out, he started obsessing over how his shirt had this one wrinkle that refused to go away. It was only when Finn offered to iron it out that he was able to calm down. They were just about to leave when Kurt noticed that he had this one strand of hair that fell on his forehead. He proceeded to spend the next ten minutes freaking out, trying to spray his hair to perfection. He couldn’t explain it but he felt like something big was going to happen tonight and he wanted to be prepared.
He's also feeling extremely guilt because he hasn’t talked to Blaine much in the past few days. He’s also kind of annoyed because the only time Blaine seems to call him is at work where he can’t answer or else, he’ll get fired. And every time he goes to call Blaine back, something comes up. He just hopes Blaine understands and they can go back to being KurtandBlaine and not Kurt…and…Blaine.
“Kurt, dude! What’s taking so long?” This time it’s Finn complaining. Finn had unexpectedly shown up at their apartment last week, and they had spent the past few days showing him around the city and spending quality time together.
“I’m done!” Kurt decided to just stop fumbling with his hair, accepting that it wasn’t going to get any better. Only, he turned around and found lint on his pants. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he muttered under his breath. It’s safe to say that tonight was not going in his favor.
He quickly grabbed the lint roller from its place beside the sewing machine, rolled it over his pants, and put it back before walking out of his “room.” He figures it’s best to just leave now before he keeps finding things wrong with his appearance.
As he’s walking over to Rachel and Finn on the couch, the doorbell rings. He sighs, “what now?”
He opens the door and is immediately bombarded by red and yellow flowers. His brain stops for a split second, there’s only one person who knows what those flowers mean to him. As if reading his thoughts, his boyfriend’s face pops out behind the bouquet.
“Blaine!” he exclaims, embracing said boy.
“Hi,” Blaine beams, melting into Kurt’s embrace. He knew he missed his boyfriend, but he didn’t know how much until this moment. Next thing he knows, he’s being pulled into a passionate kiss.
Kurt hums against Blaine’s mouth, his arms going to their place around Blaine’s neck. Blaine shifts a little bit so that his arms can go around Kurt’s waist without crushing the bouquet. The kiss is short lived, however, since Rachel bounces up to Blaine, pulling him and Kurt apart.
“Blaine! What are you doing here? Kurt didn’t tell me you were coming!” She pulls Blaine into a hug, not noticing the tension she created.
“Oh, um,” Blaine pulls back. “This is a surprise visit.”
Blaine feels two strong arms wrapping around his waist and a melodic voice whispering in his ear, “And what a lovely surprise it is.” Kurt drops a kiss on Blaine’s skin, where his shoulder and neck meet. “Thank you for the flowers.”
“Kurt, stop hogging Blaine.” Finn’s voice comes near and that’s when Blaine realized that he’s not the only guest.
“Well, excuse me for wanting to be close to my boyfriend, Finn. Don’t act like you haven’t been all over Rachel since you got here. You do realize that our walls are just curtains, right? I can hear everything.” Kurt shot back. The other three people in the room were blushing at the blue-eyed boy’s implication. Blaine felt bad for his boyfriend’s ears.
“Hey, Finn. I didn’t know you were in New York.” Blaine speaks after a few moments of awkward silence.
“Uh, yeah the army kinda didn’t work out. But hey, it’s so cool that we’re all here together. Isn’t that great?” Finn replies.
“Yes, it’s great and amazing, and we have to go.” Rachel reminds Kurt and Finn of their plans.
“Go? Did I interrupt something?” Blaine questions, only now noticing that Rachel, Kurt, and Finn were all dressed up. He suddenly feels a pit of dread settling in his stomach.
“Oh, no, not really. We were just going to a karaoke place to meet up with one of Rachel’s NYADA friends. You’re basically dressed for the occasion so don’t worry about that. Rachel’s right, though, we’ve kept Brody waiting long enough. Let’s go,” Kurt explains, taking charge of the situation. He ushers everyone out of the apartment after putting Blaine’s stuff in his room. After locking the loft door, he turns and grabs Blaine’s hand.
Blaine smiles. For the first time since he sent Kurt off to New York, he feels like there’s space for him in Kurt’s life.
-
“Okay, you’ve been acting kind of weird since you got here.” Kurt and Blaine are walking back from Callbacks, Rachel and Finn ahead of them. “Don’t act like everything’s fine, either. You were supposed to fly out here in two weeks, and while I love that you came early and surprised me, I don’t like that you seem sad to be here. Are you breaking up with me?”
Kurt sounded close to tears, and it was that last statement that broke Blaine. He stopped them in the middle of their walk and just started bawling.
“The last thing I want to do is break up,” Blaine managed to get out.
Kurt sighed and wrapped his arms around Blaine. “Then, what is it? Just be honest with me.”
“I thought we were done,” Blaine whispered. Kurt tensed at the statement; he doesn’t like where this is going.
“Okay, what happened?” Kurt softly prompted his boyfriend. He doesn’t want to know but at the same time, he feels like he deserves to. As Blaine gathered himself, Kurt spotted a bench and guided both of them to sit. Neither one of them realized that Rachel and Finn were having a serious conversation of their own.
“This guy, he friend requested me on Facebook. At first it was just friendly, you know? I was lonely and you were busy, and I needed someone to talk to. He hit me up and we met at the Lima Bean. I wanted to go somewhere public so that if he wasn’t who I thought he was, at least I’d be safe. And that was it. We went to the Lima Bean, met up, talked, and then we went our separate ways.” Blaine explained.
Kurt feels like there’s something B’s not telling him. “If nothing happened, then why are you telling me this?”
“Because I wanted something to happen. And it almost did. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his house. I didn’t know that he considered our outing a date. But he did, and I was tempted,” Blaine’s voice breaks off. The tears had started falling again.
“I was so tempted, Kurt.” He continues, “It would have been so easy, too. You saved me, you saved us.”
“What do you mean?” Kurt questions. As much as he’s relieved that nothing happened between Blaine and that guy, he has no idea what Blaine means. He didn’t even know that this was happening, how could he have possibly saved their relationship?
“You sent me a text at the exact moment that I was about to say yes. I thought we were over, I thought you didn’t need me anymore. But it felt like you knew what I was about to do, and you were reminding me of what we had. Do you know what the text said?”
Kurt remembers now. It had been a grueling day and he had come home to Rachel and Finn cuddling on the couch. He remembers feeling jealous of them and the fact that they had reunited. He texted Blaine that night, “I miss you.”
“Yeah. You texted me that you missed me and that made me realize that I was about to throw it all away. I love you so much, Kurt. I don’t ever want to lose you, but I feel left behind.” Blaine decided that now’s a good a time as any to be honest. “You have a new life here in New York, a life that I’m not a part of.
“You don’t have time for me anymore. You barely answer my calls or texts. I feel like I don’t know you. I love you, Kurt but I don’t feel like we’re in a relationship anymore. You said you would never say goodbye to me. That day in the airport, it felt like a goodbye. I know I was the one who pushed you to come here. You belong here, Kurt. But I just feel so lost. I don’t like being apart from you. I need you with me, and I don’t feel like you are. I came to see you because I felt like if I didn’t see you in person, our relationship would just combust. If you want to break up, just tell me now. You will break my heart, but I would rather that happen than just continuing a relationship we’re both unhappy with.”
It was Kurt’s turn to cry. He had been sitting silently, listening to Blaine pour his heart out. Blaine was right, they needed to fix this or else their relationship would end up in flames.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt whispered. “You deserve to know the truth. It hasn’t been easy, being away from you. I hate having to decline your calls during meetings. I want to talk to you all the time. It’s so hard living with Rachel and watching her live out my dream when I know I’ll never make it. I can barely pay my rent. I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time.
“I’m sorry about the elections. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, and I truly am so proud of you for winning.” Kurt paused.
Blaine was confused about so many things. Kurt had made it seem like New York was great. That’s when Blaine realized that he’s a huge idiot. Of course, Kurt was making it seem that way. New York was his dream, and he’s Kurt. Obviously, he didn’t want to admit to his boyfriend, the one who encouraged him to follow this dream, that things were not going well. Then Blaine caught on to the last thing that Kurt mentioned. What did any of this have to do with the elections?
“I’m lost, what does any of this have to do with the elections?”
Kurt smiled sadly at how oblivious his boyfriend is. “B, you remember what happened last year? I ran for president because I needed enough extra curriculars to get into NYADA. Except, two of my closest friends ran against me. One of them won and the other almost got me suspended. Senior class elections are not a happy memory.”
“Shit.” Both Blaine and Kurt were surprised at Blaine’s expletive. Blaine barely ever swears, if at all. “Kurt, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I didn’t want to think about it. High school wasn’t exactly the best experience for me,” both of them knew that was a huge understatement. “I also didn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t talk to me about these things. I realize now that was a bit counterproductive.”
Blaine was about to interrupt but he sensed that Kurt had more to say, and he did. “I love you too, B. I always will, and I am not breaking up with you. You just have to push me to be better at communication, and I have to push you to do the same.
“As much as I want to be mad at you for almost cheating on me, that’d be a bit hypocritical. Of course, I never actually went out with anyone who caught my attention,” he directed his gaze onto Blaine. Blaine flushed; he should’ve known that bit of information wouldn’t slip past Kurt. “But you don’t think that I’ve been lonely? You don’t think that I’ve had temptations? I just didn’t act on them because I knew what it meant. It meant something horrible, and awful. I could never do that to you.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” Blaine replies. “I’m glad we haven’t completely screwed our relationship up.”
“B, you have to tell me when you need me. I may be busy with work and adjusting to New York, but I will never be too busy for you. I guess I didn’t prioritize our relationship because I’ve been taking you for granted. I guess we both needed a reality check to fix our mess.”
“I don’t ever want to be that tempted ever again. I understand you’re busy but just please promise me that you’ll prioritize us more.” Blaine shuffled closer to Kurt, taking the other boy’s hands in his own.
“I promise, B. And I may not always pick up or reply to your texts instantly, but I promise you, I’m always going to be there for you. We’re never going to be over. I love you too much to let that happen.”
Blaine pressed his lips onto Kurt’s.
He knows they’ll be okay.