Work Text:
~
Seokjin hides. That’s all he does. He stalks people and hides. After 800 years of being alive it’s too late to go to therapy for not having any hobbies. He hides. That’s all he knows how to do. It needs to be done. He cannot under any circumstances be discovered. The Mankind will scream when they see his face. And that’s only alright when they crumble right before Seokjin consumes their souls.
He grins a sickening grin at the thought, it’s his favorite part, the crumble. It’s so disgustingly human.
He makes the corners of his mouth retract again, like he's making a mask out of his face. He despises hiding. Not the stalking, that’s entertaining, certainly. But he has all this knowledge that The Mankind preserves by dying nicely in his stomach. The souls elongate his lifespan and in return he lives on, constantly putting words to what he craves.
He stares over the shoulder of a young man, a soul that hasn't lived many lives yet but certainly has a knack for pleasure and he fumes. Seokjin is as close to a God as he can be and still these lowly creatures know more than him.
The urge arises. He kills it and pretends the years of human joy that bled into it’s soul are now bleeding into his. He trembles with the desire to feel it and yet all that further unfolds is the Fear.
The Fear is bad. The Fear is dangerous. It reminds him of a tale his Mother told him. She laughed into his eyes and held him firmly at her knees while she sang, vivid red curls bouncing up and down with the bobbing of her head. He had wanted to rip the strands from it and play Hangman with them but she held him too firmly, sensing his displeasure and relishing it in. The story went as such;
'Tis the spider Sebastian,
As it stands, his choices were a particular kind of sin.
Listen!
He said to all the other spiders,
Not sure why, but I want to take another step,
My insides are aching with the urge,
To weave a glorious web
Said all the other spiders,
Oh Sebastian, no Sebastian,
Come on, Sebastian don't be bold
You desire to start a web in this horrible cold?
Said Sebastian to the spiders,
Well, big it doesn't have to be
Could be inside, he pondered strangely,
Somewhere hidden, where there’s a place for me
Oh Sebastian, no Sebastian,
Please Sebastian, please stay outside,
It's so dangerous inside,
So dangerous for our kind
Said Sebastian who made up his mind: The urge is too big to ignore
Said all the others, who were strongly concerned:
Oh Sebastian, soon you'll be no more
Oh, oh, oh, Sebastian,
Who made the wrong decision
Through the window he climbed in - and he wasn't awaiting leisure
So said all the other spiders: there he goes wasting his life
Insanity at the wheel
Pause
After a while one message was conveyed:
Inside a murder was committed
Sebastian the spider was swept up from the balustrade.’
(Sebastiaan By Annie MG Schmidt.)
The Fear is disgusting. It ends up haunting everyone he knows. It is what tales are made of. When the foolish desire to live starts catching up, that is how he knows he’s close to death. The end won’t be far. Nature’s laws are already set in motion, derailed and speeding up and no one can outrun it.
Human blood to him is like oxygen to mortals. Aside from the joy, the tarnished fluids of the souls consume him in return. And the ratio will start to give out. That’s how Seokjin knows he's close. He lives long, but he is not immortal.
It is not an uncommon method to delay death amongst vampires. Some make it their trait to only consume elite humans, though it’s not as if a purer form of oxygen is better, so breeding remains a practice used in cults, royal traditions and corrupt research labs.
Some give up immediately and decide after five thousand years of behaving equivalently to a human in their early twenties that they do not despise an end. Then there are those that do. And they seek out human religions in order to deal with this.
Perhaps a priest will release them. Perhaps a monk will share the secret to meaning and worth. Perhaps the newspaper boy who bikes round the Satanic church every Tuesday will taste like pure joy.
More often than not they recognise the encouragement from those they've been taught by to seek out spiritual enlightenment and so they sit and endure it out of fear and fascination. And then when they are near their death, the priest starts looking like a fit meal. All who end up here think they have found the solution. And as they eat Him, The One closest to what is pure and holy, and His quintessence flows through them, their flesh shrivels and they realize their mistake. For no one is without sin. And humans lie. And priests are disgusting.
And their last thought ends up being about the meaninglessness of life and that they wish they hadn't eaten that one schoolgirl who to them had tasted like nothing because she had been balanced in her emotions and experiences. Humans are unreliable, they croaked. And so spread the word.
Seokjin, an intellectual, knows the girl in question (which seems to be a universal culinary experience for vampires) wasn't balanced. If she were, they'd have tasted equal joy and grief. This girl was in the heights of her highschool depression. Numbing oneself to the experience of life is a natural response he finds solace in himself.
It wasn't possible for a long time, often he ended up pressed against the corners of his world, questioning himself why he couldn’t just opt to not feel anything. But after he escaped- made room for himself to live, that dead-ness truly washed over him. He expected he’d feel freed and consolidated by his actions but he slowly just learnt in another way what the Elders meant by the Fear.
The Elders are a council of what Seokjin perceives to be really depressed, old vampires who do practically nothing but bitch and moan. They equate their age with power and hold the responsibility to keep vampires safe by teaching them the ways of life. They do not do that. Their pedestal is more important to them than the rest of their kind. Seokjin learnt this the moment he became sentient and for the next 800 years after his birth it became Seokjin’s life goal to openly disagree with them. To find a way- his way. Because Seokjin is not content with that meaningless, limited exploration they encourage. That method predates his existence. He needs to find someone who keeps him and his knowledge alive. And if he can’t, he needs to make sure his last years are a hoot to have made his life worth being conscious for.
Lower the pressure, Mother had said before he killed her. She had been against him.
You have given me no reason to, he’d replied.
She withered as a sand sculpture that must eventually collapse and the remnants in his fingerprints tasted like agony. But it was good . It showed him how easily these things collapse. It gave him hope.
He finds another human. He tails it, he follows it home. It has two piercings and walks like it’s stepping on air, chest out, hands in pockets, the kind of walk that has a slight punch to it instead of the elegance that Seokjin was taught to master. He looks the human up and down and gets a good feel for what he’s psychologically attracted to in it’s behavior. He cocks his head and eyes everything it does, not making a single astute observation just yet.
The man shuts the door to his house behind him while looking at his phone, Seokjin slips through it before it fully closes, folding himself thin to slide through what’s left of the opening.
At first, he hides. Under the boy's empty shoeprints, behind the student debt letters, slightly to the left of the coffee machine and frequently blatantly on top of the boy’s comb. Never-used and turned-upright gives him a great forest of plastic to recline from.
His favorite place, however, becomes underneath the human's bed. Rolled up in the towel, if you will. He takes the place of a lowlife liminal space Haunter and the most frustrating thing is that he doesn't learn anything.
The human’s name is Jungkook. But that is not of value.
The footsteps don't change, the towel sometimes gets washed and the student loan papers get thrown around with an anger Seokjin himself recognizes heartily and snickers at. Student debt notifs = Bad and Infuriating. He has learnt that much.
Eventually he gets brave. Stops picking his nail beds. Except he doesn't really, it's just something he tells himself he would've gotten around to eventually when the lack of planned purpose started feeling like the boy would make a fine meal. He’s been unnecessarily starving himself in his obsession to watch everything Jungkook does and thus, in reality- a harsh and unexpected one- Seokjin's stomach made a noise.
Large eyes checked underneath the bed. And found nothing, of course, because by then Seokjin was crouching on top of the refrigerator clearly making over hours trying to keep its function. He vibrates slightly, and the sound is like the loud, incessant buzzing of- according to the tales- cleopatra's box of bees.
He starves more for what he assumes to be a week. His sense of time is completely lost. He feels his stomach turn itself inside out over and over again and Seokjin gets clumsy, he loses his mind with insanity. After the initial noise, he made sure to keep adequate distance from the boy. But his resolve ran out.
So in the evening Seokjin is back underneath the bed, listening to the metal springs creaking and Jungook’s limbs turning.
Tonight, Jungkook is eating. He’s leaning back on his bed above Seokjin, slowly and mindlessly chewing. This is a behavior Seokjin has become aware of before, the room is blue, the stench of weed hanging off the wallpaper, and Jungkook has been staring at the ceiling for the past half hour, missing his mouth occasionally when he brings his hand up to his face to deposit the contents.
Seokjin presses his palms over his ears in an attempt to stop feeling the grinding and mauling of Jungkook’s teeth reverberating in his eardrums. He swallows and Seokjin loses it. His hand latches out when Jungkook stands up and forms a chain around the human’s ankle. To his surprise, the human doesn't scream.
To his greater surprise, Seokjin doesn't want him to. He’d be extremely disgruntled if Jungkook was a human he’d wanted to eat and his efforts were met with fearless silence. But right now, as Seokjin is effortlessly dragged out from underneath the bed by Jungkook’s foot swinging forwards, he is simply tired.
Panting with malnourishment and weightless as paper, Seokjin stares upwards into the boy’s wide-spread eyes.
“Um. Hello,” Jungkook says to him, not entirely there. And the greeting is definitely delivered with a distinct absence of confidence. His heart rate has certainly increased, Seokjin notes.
His grip on Jungkook’s bony ankle remains, fingers locked in position. He couldn’t move them even if he tried, his body’s will stronger than his mind.
Seokjin doesn’t know what to do in this circumstance.
“Are you hungry?” Jungkook tries, barely lasting through the excruciating silence. He’s extremely confused and his attention is completely locked in on Seokjin. His words are slow. “Would you like a saltie?”
He very slowly bends down, hand outstretched with a saltie in it. “Here you go ,” he sing-songs in a tight, very awkward voice.
Seokjin isn’t sure if it’s the weed or the lack of life-purpose the boy seems to have, just as him, that’s making him this reckless. He desperately wants to stand up straight and make him cower from the sheer length of his form but all that slips past his lips is a pathetic whimper in answer.
Seokjin takes the saltie. Opens his mouth so Jungkook has access to place it on his tongue.
He proceeds to throw up in rage.
He deeply regrets swishing his tongue around it. It is bitter and ugly in his mouth, it is somehow the most vile thing he’s tasted and Seokjin can’t stop the green from his stomach rising through his throat. And neither can he stop the anger that he has at himself for forgetting for a split second that he can’t eat human food. He’s lost himself. All because he wanted so badly to take what Jungkook was offering him.
Jungkook stands in shock, little bag of snacks forgotten, as Seokjin becomes a raging storm- dark particles rising up and flying through the room. Seokjin doesn’t notice him flee, only hears the door to the apartment slam closed.
He’s a whirlwind that Jungkook’s room does not survive. Especially not the furniture.
Jungkook did this , he fumes. It’s Jungkook’s fault that Seokjin is reduced to- to this. This blubbering mess of a vampire.
Seokjin forgets himself. He’s angry and he’s out of his depth.
But when he’s raged enough, he sees the damage. And feels… bad. Guilt. Somehow both simultaneously, it really is the oddest thing. And observing it makes him, not calm again, but something more calculatedly vulnerable.
He reduces himself to dust particles in shame of losing his temper and hides in the floorboards. And waits.
When Jungkook comes home, the groceries are dropped to the ground.
“Oh my God, what did I do? ” he shrieks, looks around in absolute horror. “I thought I was hallucinating,” he says, defeated and gobsmacked.
He twists his neck in every direction, trying to see all the property damage and then simply stands, mouth open in shock. Seokjin floats through the wood under Jungkook’s feet and feels the boy’s shoulders start to shake.
You propositioned me poison, Seokjin thinks. It was unwise to trust a human.
But.
If Jungkook simply wasn’t aware then Seokjin’s anger is irrelevant. If. Because if it was Seokjin's fault, he's making severe errors and can't trust himself anymore. He wonders if he can keep hiding, if this was all a bad plan, something he has never felt the need to question before. But, as all things come together to form a sludge in his brain, the one thing overshadowing all the worries is Jungkook walking through his home.
Jungkook has moved to the bathroom, picking up his legs as if walking through mud and Seokjin can sense the extra caution he exudes. The glances over his shoulder that he sends, the nervous itching he does.
Perhaps it’s already too late for Seokjin.
He really should give up already and leave Jungkook alone. But, not for the first time, he can’t shake the gnawing in his stomach.
He watches as Jungkook packs a small black bag and looks around helplessly, muttering to himself, before he’s out the door again.
Seokjin waits. And waits.
And then the evening turned to night and Jungkook still hasn’t come home. The house is eerily silent. Even the fridge has finally given up, the smell of overdue meat slowly wafts through the room to where Seokjin is hiding.
It's fine if it makes him irrational. There's different kinds of rational and the only one he wants to avoid is regret. If Jungkook never comes back and Seokjin has to leave, he'll just go back to drifting.
God, he's so alone .
Next, he's standing.
Moving.
He has enough of this. He cleans up. Repairs the shattered bulbs and pulls the wood chips from the walls to glue the furniture back together. He gathers trash, slaps the fridge so it’s good as new and then spreads himself out through every corner to check from all angles if he’s missed something. Not because he thinks he has, but because he’s new to the feeling of underserved pride and he wants to be sure .
For a moment he becomes one with the house and he spends it soaking up the years of feeling that Jungkook has left in it. A different kind of drifting. It's addictive and he immediately wants to get out. It's not his house. It was misleading to let himself believe he was entitled to inhabit his space. In fact, he’s realized there’s a big chance he’s entirely unwelcome. He can fix the place but that doesn’t mean he gets to stay. That’s up to Jungkook.
He’s staying to see if what he’s done is adequate and then he’s taking off.
~
When Jungkook returns, Seokjin first notices the keys jingle. Then two distinct sets of footsteps. Then an unfamiliar perfume. He grows taller in anticipation and curiosity and chooses very pointedly to ignore the little sparks of negative emotions that have made a larger home inside him.
“If it’s really as bad as you say, I’ll call hyung, okay?” an unfamiliar voice says. “The seven of us will chip in to clean it up.”
A pause. The hall is silent before Jungkook opens the door.
“Though I think either way you should consider moving in with one of us, Kookie.”
“Just-” a sigh. “Just look first, alright?”
The door opens. Seokjin is on the ceiling.
This time a different bag is dropped to the floor. Accompanied by lots of silence. Seokjin is unsure how to interpret it. It feels vile. For the first time since leaving home he feels a different kind of fear. Jungkook makes him feel things.
He wants to say the decision to stick around even after losing his head like that was the right one even though it’s probably too early to tell. It still depends on how Jungkook will respond to his efforts. And Seokjin finds he’s not quite capable of predicting what the outcome will be. He still has more to learn, about himself included.
“Oh thank God,” Jungkook then breathes. It trembles through Seokjin like a leaf on water wiping away the blemishes of the creak. He comes to the conclusion immediately that to him, relief is evidently the best release.
The other boy still rubs him the wrong way, though. But he questions if he’s allowed to feel anything about it. He’s already removed himself as person involved. He’s a casual observer. He’s not in Jugkook’s life.
The other boy rubs his shoulders- a gesture Seokjin narrows his eyes at.
Jungkook sniffs. “You can go ahead with the ‘I told you so’. I know the possibility of me destroying my own house like that sounds impossible.”
The Other One looks at him. Sees 5’10” lanky Jungkook who sure has enough muscle to bench press them all due to his emotional turmoil\stress response being working out, but the mental state to fuck up his own house and go on a rampage should not be there. Jimin thinks he's making excuses for himself.
In a silky voice he says, “I think you should see someone. You had a panic attack. You might’ve imagined it because you couldn’t think straight.”
“No,” Jungkook says slowly, "I panicked because my house was in shambles.” He deliberately doesn’t mention Seokjin.
“At least lay off the weed, then. I don’t know if it’s that or psychosis but it’s something . I’ll stop suggesting a psychiatrist if you rule things out on your own. And for the record, yes, if it was somehow you destroying your own house, that on its own is also concerning enough for me to want you to see somebody, so don’t try to use that as an excuse.”
“This has never happened before,” Jungkook says. “You don’t- You don’t have to treat it like it’s a big problem. I’ll solve it on my own. It’s fine now anyways,” he gestures. Completely unrelaxed. “Whether I- Or, if I didn’t…”
“If something like this happens again, tell one of us, okay? We can- We can help. You don’t have to- It might be… safer ,” Jimin says, deeply concerned, "to move in with someone.”
“Yeah,” Jungkook says, not listening. “I got it, Jimin-ssi. You're all here for me. Appreciate it.”
Seokjin wants to eat Jimin. Devour his flesh. He makes Jungkook unhappy. Those two things are entirely related. He wants Jimin out .
Which, quite quickly, he is.
Seokjin waits patiently until Jungkook shuffles through the room, back on the bed, bouncing the springs. Seokjin sees him wonder, uncomfortably, then in the silence, Jungkook's head turns around. He gets up to check the fridge.
And Jimin, who was determined but unsatisfied, is out the door before Jungkook has pulled his head back out of it.
"This fridge," says Jungkook slowly, pushing it closed, "used to make a very annoying sound." Something very determined and scared is growing on his face at the same time.
He gets no response, even though it's directly addressed to the wide expanse of hidden things in the dark that is Seokjin. He applauds Jungkook for being aware of him. It's like a treat. The feeling of happiness bubbling up through his chest, corners of his mouth curling into an anticipatory smile.
"It was definitely near death," Jungkook says, moving to stand in the middle of the room to let his words reverberate off the walls. To make sure who- or what- is hearing him properly. Seokjin has no idea how Jungkook sees him. "The entire time I owned it."
"Now not to assume anyone's heard my prayers to fix it because you did destroy my house first and clearly ate all of what was in it after-"
Seokjin frowns. He’s not some gluttonous fool. Obviously he threw it away because the smell of it going bad reminded him of his anger.
"And also because 'oh lord, heal this fridge' sounds stupid and no angel or prayer granting being would possibly listen to that bullshit-" Jungkook sighs, finally releasing the tension. "Thank you. Whoever you are."
Seokjin's heart fills itself with unexpected warmth.
This , he thinks, full of surprise, this is the reason I'm still here.
All anger at Jungkook for making him feel things goes out the window. He'd like to feel more of this, in fact. He needs to give Jungkook way more credit. Benefit of the doubt.
Jungkook looks uncomfortable once more, closes his large eyes. “Please don’t… trash my room again. I don’t have enough money to fix it and it really stressed me out. One of my hyungs is paying for it…” Seokjin can tell that he’s tired and uncertain and that he also feels bad, though he doesn’t know if it pertains to him. Jungkook closes his eyes and doesn't try to befriend him. He also doesn't try to evict him.
"You terrify me, but… since you seem to have something akin to a conscience, I guess you can stay."
Seokjin is frozen with shock.
Jungkook shrugs like he shivers away a bad thought. "What am I saying, I probably don't have the power to kick you out anyway. Sorry if this is your house and all of that was like, rude of me to say.”
“I guess I could move out but then I’d give my hyungs more reason to think I need help. So I’m just going to hope you aren’t planning to eat me someday.”
Seokjin leaves him standing in the living room. He goes out the window.
If he’s not going to eat Jungkook, he needs to eat someone else.
Jungkook’s nonchalance doesn’t sit right with him. As if it’s supposed to be a joke. But all Seokjin can think is that he might have permanently destroyed Jungkook’s trust, along with Seokjin’s chance to be happy by accidentally showing up. He’s emotionally overwhelmed and he doesn’t want to cause more damage. He doesn’t know what he wants anymore.
The three people he consumes don’t have a flavor that makes Seokjin happy anymore. He realizes he’s following in the footsteps of The Elders, notion being that he has no choice. Accidentally starving himself due to sheer fascination made him make mistakes.
A midway, then. He eats and he stays with Jungkook. Since staying with Jungkook makes him feel good.
Makes him feel… depressed.
Because there might be possibilities he isn’t seeing yet, but he also isn't solving anything. The idea that he’s doing the wrong thing by staying is repeating itself in his mind and he hates doubt. He knows that’s a product from growing up amongst people with age-old opinions. He should be proud that he’s doing something that diverts from it, doing something for himself, but it makes him feel alone.
He rounds the corner, hands in pockets and dressed like a regular human so as not to rouse suspicion. The skirt flares and twirls when he walks. It’s quite comfortable. He missed wearing them.
People stare at him.
He ignores them and supposes it’s because it doesn’t really fit him very well since the human he ate was a lot shorter than him. And he decides to only eat tall people from now on, excluding Jungkook.
Suddenly laughter and music fills his ears. He walks past a couple making out against the brick wall and languidly approaches the club the elated sounds are coming from. Colorful lights are shining through the opening and people are trickling in and out in different states of inebriation.
He stops and glances in from a distance.
Then the boy Jungkook had over, Jimin, comes out, hand entangled with another boy, grins bright on their faces. Hair tousled, cheeks flushed, lips red.
Seokjin stares at their hands together.
The boy he doesn't know says something into Jimin’s ear.
“Taehyung!” Jimin laughs, corners of his mouth going up as he pulls the boy away.
Taehyung , Seokjin whispers, tries tasting it in his mouth. He’s obsessed with the way Jimin voiced it. The joy.
That is what he’s missing.
He wants that connection. He craves it.
“Jungkook , ” he says, to no one but himself.
He goes home, filled with emotion and the idea of a purpose.
~
Less out of necessity and now out of curiosity, he goes out more often. Or perhaps both at the same time. He's losing count. Not thinking about why he’s doing something is easier. That way the people staring and the ‘should’s’ don’t follow him.
Jungkook hasn’t left it at his acknowledgment of Seokjin. It took a while for the glancing behind his back and the tense emotion on his face every time he came back inside the house from somewhere to stop, as if still expecting to run into Seokjin or his property damage. Seokjin doesn’t find it in himself to be irritated. He finds that trust is vulnerable and that he’s willing to be patient to earn it. He can’t take it for granted. And somewhere inside him, there’s bits of happiness seeing Jungkook relax.
Seokjin got sloppier. Let his stomach rumble. So Jungkook started to leave out meat for him. At first he appreciates it and eats it, but it’s like he’s filling himself with packing peanuts. It’s pure filler. It’s not good. So he leaves them to age where they are and Jungkook frowns and leaves out a carrot. A potato. Seokjin leaves them alone.
The problem is that Jungkook is overly considerate of Seokjin. It makes him feel things. He wishes he could speak to him. He wishes he could be closer to him.
So Seokjin ends up following Jungkook more, sticking to him like a wet paper towel and he’s sure Jungkook’s bound to notice, but then he finally does learn something incredibly useful: how to be truly invisible. See, if he’s really quiet and holds his breath, then Jungkook doesn’t notice. This is great. Hiding and hiding in plain sight had gotten a speciality that didn't seem to ever change. Seokjin is definitely supposed to be happy with this.
He caws with joy when he first finds out. The tailing doesn’t end. He’s equipped with a power to do with as he pleases. It suits his needs completely. And it’s okay! He didn't need breathing anyway.
He finally has what he wants. Sort of.
After a while he thinks it seems to be another thing The Elders hid in order to avoid mass panic. Seokjin doesn’t know if his invisibility means he’s slowly being erased from existence. It worries him and he ignores it for the time being. He knows he’s going to die in the next century. He has the length of one human life left to spend. And he chooses on what.
So today he shamelessly stands up behind Jungkook to loom over his shoulder.
The boy is on his phone and Seokjin reads along with whatever entertaining words and pictures appear on the screen, noting all the bodily reactions the human has. Jungkook is calm today- relaxed, sitting knees pulled up on the couch, black joggers an inch too short exposing the ankle Seokin held onto too tightly last time. The marks are still there, though he refuses to feel anything about the vague fingerprints. And the phone seems to be contributing largely to his tranquil attitude.
Seokjin is heavily distracted, stuck deep in own head seeing Jimin and Taehyung’s joined hands and fearfully considering the possibility of making himself visible to Jungkook. He’s grown accustomed to hiding in plain sight and now it freaks him out. He’s not supposed to be seen, no. But he is supposed to be known.
He worries his bottom lip and knows that he wants to be known. Has found another thing he longs for to put a word to.
Jungkook’s momentary chuckle pulls him out of his thoughts and if Seokjin hadn’t been mindlessly reading along, he’d have missed the words.
The phone reads: Reblog if vampires are valid and your blog is a vampire-safe zone
It has 30 thousand notes.
He watches, mesmerized, and more and more surprised as Jungkook’s thumb taps twice, hovers over the post and slides the button into ‘reblog’. He’s seen him do it often enough to know how it works but this… this is something he didn’t expect to see. Blatant acceptance.
He’s shocked stupid.
This is his invitation .
He tries his hardest to get over the freeze response fast but his invisibility is already slightly glitching with excitement and nerves. He feels alive.
When he lets it up, breathing out deeply, Jungkook barely looks up.
It’s the most disappointed Seokjin has felt in his entire life.
But the longer he stands there, he notices Jungkook’s body has gone completely rigid. His eyes may still be locked on the screen but that’s just it- they’re locked , not glued, and Seokjin understands that Jungkook is possibly choosing denial.
Seokjin’s mouth is dry with confusion- is he being rejected? The human invited him in! But the desire to speak is very much pounded into the ground by his sandpaper throat.
Jungkook looks up for a split second, not being able to ignore the figure suddenly standing right in front of him. “Jesus shit,” he spits out, shoulders hiking up and eyes immediately going to the ground.
He clears his throat, though nothing about him returns to the relaxed state he was in before. Before Seokjin.
Perhaps this really was the wrong choice. Befriending a human, what an odd fucking idea.
“Oh hey, you’re here?” Jungkook casually says, still not looking at him. “Um. You, um… ” he tails off. "You were the thing? On my… ?"
Seokjin straightens himself out in a desperate attempt to feel like himself and make his intentions known, lest he spook Jungkook further. “I wish to be friends,” he settles on.
That gets his attention. Jungkook’s mouth hangs open. Seokjin is captivated, he’s never seen eyes more gorgeous.
“With you,” Seokjin adds.
“I… You,” Jungkook stutters.
Seokjin scratches his arm, thinks his next meal better be soon.
“I tried!” Jungkook says, phone forgotten, still terrified. “I gave you a peace offering and you murdered my house.”
“It tasted bad,” Seokjin pushes out with difficulty. Didn’t he atone already?
Jungkook deflates. “I’m sorry,” he sighs. “Thank you for fixing it. You just scared me, is all, “ he says, like that wasn’t obvious to Seokjin. But he says it with a forgiving tone. Which is nice.
Seokjin wonders why Jungkook is so lenient. Jungkook probably reads him easily because he says, “I figured you weren’t out to kill me when you started putting skirts in the laundry. That seems like something a murderer wouldn’t necessarily do. Unless you like, stole them from dead bodies or something.”
Jungkook laughs uncomfortably when Seokjin doesn’t answer. “I need to think less.”
“Let’s start over. I’m Jungkook,” he sticks his hand out. Seokjin stares at it. Can’t help but remember the bruises.
“I’m aware.”
“You’ve been here a while then?”
“Yes,” he says slowly. Then, completely losing his confidence, “I’m not sure this was a very good idea.” What the fuck is happening. He’s not supposed to be the one freaking out.
“It’s alright,” Jungkook settles on. “You wanna introduce yourself?”
Seokjin shares his name.
“So, Jin,” Jungkook starts.
He squares up. “My Mother raised me as Seokjin, the Devourer. To call me anything less than that or something so abbreviated is wrong.”
“Your mother sounds like a drag.”
Seokjin’s shoulders tense.
“What the fuck are you? And why are you in my house?” Jungkook asks apprehensively. He sounds more wondrous than agitated, even though Seokjin definitely imagined the latter would be true. He is once again surprised by Jungkook’s efforts. He truly is calm and trying for the both of them. It’s going. Which is all Seokjin hoped for.
However. humans can’t be trusted.
He gestures to the phone and then articulately points his finger towards Jungkook, eyes glowing threateningly red. “Were they not right? Were you lying?”
Jungkook’s eyes follow his finger. He seems to piece it together. “No, I mean, I wasn't lying,” he says, seeing that Seokjin is upset so he addresses that first. “But I’m going to opt out of explaining Tumblr logic to you.”
“Why? I am learnt.”
“Are you?”
Seokjin stares a little condescendingly, knows Jungkook is being rhetorical.
“As many people say, it’s not a reliable source.”
“Why?” Seokjin doesn't want to ask, hates feeling out of place.
“It is distinctly… human. Trust me.” Jungkook pulls a face.
“So,” Seokjin jumps to the obvious conclusion, “you lied.”
“Well, you’re welcome here. Regardless of what Tumblr says.”
Seokjin wants to say anything. Alright. Or thank you . But he’s got a lump in his throat. And Jungkook carries on the conversation for him.
“You can stay here, like an eternal roommate, if you want. Though I don’t see why you would. My house sucks, so you might’ve chosen wrong,” he chuckles humorlessly. “You can take the towel. Let me know if I need to lay off the garlic or anything.”
“What are you referring to?”
“...Allergies?”
No, you said ‘eternal’ , he wants to say. But he doesn't think he’s ready to display that amount of vulnerability just yet. It’s always better to test the waters and play dumb in unknown situations.
Seokjin stares at him. “Why do you associate my weakness with something so trivial?” he asks instead.
Jungkook’s eyes gain a glint. “So there is a weakness.”
“I didn’t say that,” he says, disgruntled.
Jungkook laughs. “Man, you haven't read your own myths?”
“It is like the Tumblr?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.” Jungkook pulls up a website dedicated to the topic of vampires. Seokjin is captivated by the little letters and writing style of the author. “I think it might be easier this way, too,” Jungkook says. “This way you don’t have to tell me everything I know about you is fake and you can just point out if anything is right instead.” He glances at Seokjin. “I doubt anything is.”
They burn in sunlight, it says. Seokjin snorts.
“I feel like I’m showing you fanfiction with you as the main character.”
“Fanfiction?”
“No, nope, not going there.”
The next sentences have him bend his neck towards the laptop and read it multiple times.
Jungkook notices, watches him from the side since he’s given up on reading. “What is it?” he asks.
Seokjin doesn’t know whether to answer properly, wants to dance around it vaguely. Not because he doesn't trust Jungkook, but because as fun as this started out, it feels uncomfortably too real. No one should have this information. “This is correct,” he says.
“Really?” Jungkook leans over. “You’re not immortal?”
Seokjin’s blood runs cold. It's unsettling that's the first thing Jungkook learns about him.
“Are you worried about it being common knowledge? Or do you guys not run around town telling people?”
“No,” Seokjin says.
“Then, since it’s just a theory, it should be fine,” Jungkook offers with a weak smile.
“Yes, well,” Seokjin begins, “even a broken clock is right twice a day.” It does practically nothing to soothe him. Perhaps humans aren’t liars by nature. He’s already learnt that Jungkook isn’t.
Jungkook goes on another tangent on how stupid the people on the internet really are in an attemp to soothe him.
Seokjin finds he smiles.
~
Jungkook takes him to the grocery store. They haven’t quite talked enough to be familiar and comfortable in each other’s presence but it’s late and Jungkook is hungry and Seokjin doesn’t need to eat human food, so he really didn’t need to come but he wanted to anyway. Now that he’s out in the open he wants to spend time with Jungkook. The thought of being left alone at the house made his skin crawl with anxiety.
Jungkook was definitely a little wary since last time Seokjin came into contact with human food he flipped out, he validly pointed out. And Seokjin didn’t know what to expect. So the most he could do was nod softly and Jungkook seemed to cheer up at that. So they’re grocery shopping together in what Jungkook called true roommate fashion. It would be useless to be here if Seokjin didn’t take great pleasure in spending simple time together.
Seokjin once again feels out of place. He hasn’t confessed to throwing out the food last time yet, which is something he just shouldn’t feel guilty about because really. It was going bad. But he still notices that Jungkook seems to frown at little tags stuck on products and Seokjin doesn’t understand the anxious behavior.
And it’s not just Jungkook too, he notices another man around the corner tapping in his calculator and a child with mother, recollecting what’s in their purse and using it as a reason to not buy the chocolate bar the child keeps asking for.
He turns to Jungkook and discreetly asks, “Is money the purpose of life?”
“No.”
“You seem to not have enough. You told me it causes you grievance.”
“True. My relationship with money isn’t the best.”
“If it’s making it difficult to live, it must be important,” he pushed, wanting to be right.
“It is," Jungkooks says. "Have you never used currency?”
“I have bargained with people.” Then admits, “People like me,” thinking it might make a difference. He of course doesn't want to admit that he has no experience even though he knows doing that is the quickest way to learn.
“With what?”
“Beheading.”
“Hm," Jungkook says noncommittally then double takes and adds "Unfortunately for you, people don’t do that anymore in the human world.” as if to make sure Seokjin understands.
All human worlds? He wants to ask.
“I know," he says. "It's messy."
Jungkook laughs. "And isn't that all? What about you? What is your purpose?"
"I… revolve around knowledge. And the preservation of it. I don't want to die before I've written at least one book. That's all I can think of."
"Does that prospect make you happy?"
Seokjin frowns, intends to be honest. "No."
"Then it's the same as mine. Money isn't a purpose. Happiness is. Do you understand?"
"I see," he says. Then the dam breaks. "It is because I was forced to live by standards that hurt me that I now crave to change them."
"Yeah," Jungkook says. "Do you want to elaborate?"
Seokjin stops walking and hesitates with the words. He's so very tired.
"If you're immortal you can't start over. You can't have another life in which you know others differently. Opportunities will always come and they will never be the same, but you will never be able to go through them with the mind of someone else because you are so hardened to live a life that is eternally yours, and to believe that nothing ever changes."
He pauses. "Especially with the influence from external forces that hamper your every move. I will not go into detail except that the woman who created me, who kept putting me in that position, has no more say over me."
Seokjin's stare is hard enough that Jungkook makes the correct assumption. “So… you killed your mom?"
“The cycle had to be broken somewhere. I started with the thing that had the most rules.”
He didn't. He wanted to be free. He didn't think. It was the first choice he made without consideration. He doesn't think that Jungkook will understand that. He just knew he'd wanted to for a very long time. And he has no small regrets. See, more time alive means more regrets accumulated.
Over the decades it's started feeling like those regrets overshadow who he wants to be. And so who he is has started falling away. Here he is now, with no sense of direction, stringing up lies that he knows will lead him to the deep, dark end eventually.
It's not something to be afraid of anymore. He's not being chased. But he does wonder why, if he's born to live a life like this, why isn't he made for it? Why isn't he made to endure it after all those meaningless years?
"And the rules have to be altered by design," he adds. "After all, we are not immortal."
"Blessing or curse?" Jungkook asks.
"It changes," he says, thinking about the reality of him being out here alone, trying his hand at something that may be fruitless as well. "There is no inherent meaning to things when they have no audience."
But at least, he's thinking , I may have found one. The first of his support.
~
The self-checkout is an adventure. You’d think people guard their valuables better. He grins at the thought and sneaks a small bar of chocolate in his pocket to present to Jungkook later when they’re home.
Rapid beeping interrupts his excitement rudely and Jungkook immediately turns around in panic. Starts to unload his bag with big, concerned eyes and it’s only when another human in uniform comes to them with the command, “Please empty your pockets as well,” that Seokjin understands his mistake.
He’s not willing to give it up though. He dematerialises the bar in his pocket, particles too small to see floating around, merging with his coat. As he’s asked to walk through again, he goes and wins .
They’re both let off.
“What was that?” Jungkook asks. “Is your coat new?”
“No,” says Seokjin. “I stole a chocolate bar.”
“Why? You don’t eat.”
“To solve your money problem.”
"How is that going to solve my money- Jin you can't steal from the- Stop it! Put that back!" He says as Seokjin comes back with more bars in less than a second to show him that yes, he can .
Jungkook is whispering loudly. "Listen, I know I said I have money issues, but that wasn't me saying you had to use your chameleon spiderman powers to evade capitalism all together!"
Seokjin takes a step back, brows furrowing as he puts down the bar. "I don't know what you want from me, then."
~
"Here, this is my college,” Jungkook points to a picture of a building on his laptop. He’s in a mood. “I'm taking you there to learn about money."
"Why?"
"Because it's unfortunately a fundamental part of humanity to fear inflation. Now let's go."
Humanity's version of The Fear. Huh.
"Do I have to-" invisible myself?
Jungkook takes his hand. "No, just come along. You'll see no one cares."
"Why not?"
"It's like an airport. Everybody's busy and looks equally stressed. Just come on."
Jungkook takes him to the library. He talks to Seokjin about working a job. About ways to explore what he wants. He has so much to offer him. Seokjin is over pretending he knows everything and listens to the opportunities with so much gratitude he's too overwhelmed to walk.
He gets ideas for what he wants to put out into the world, what he wants to write and immortalize. It might take him a long time to do so (and to get used to this human world) but it might also be the most rewarding thing he’ll ever do.
~
After that Seokjin talks to Jungkook more. A lot. About where he comes from. About human concepts he struggles with. About his wishes for the future. Seokjin should've seen this progression in their relationship coming. He's happy about it when Jungkook calls for him.
“Oh, fridge-fixer,” Jungkook sings. Twirls around his apartment looking for Seokjin.
He comes to a stop in front of Seokjin who materialized at the sound of his voice, and looks up into his eyes, a little breathless.
“Let’s make a pact.”
“A pact,” Seokjin echoes.
Jungkook nods. He looks so genuine that Seokjin would do anything for him.
Seokjin coughs. Well, maybe not everything.
“What kind… of pact?” he asks.
Jungkook scrunches his nose. “Well, not whatever it is you’re thinking of, I guess.”
“I want us to help each other," he goes on. You have knowledge you want to preserve and I need money. I want to offer you a permanent place to live and help you find things that make living as a human easier on you, this includes a way to cultivate that knowledge and go through your bucket list, if you will. And at the same time, if you’re okay with it, we can share the potential profit so that we can both live a good life. Together. And explore whatever aspects of life we want to while having a partner.”
“It sounds like marriage," Seokjin notes.
“This doesn't include terms about the rest of our relationship. Even if we fall out or come to hate each other after 50 years, we still know there’s someone out there we can depend on when we need help.
“Marriage doesn't promise that. Marriage is an unproductive concept. It doesn’t work for people like us who only have each other and no need to justify it to the rest of the world. We might not always be alone, we might meet other people. None of them have to know. This is about what benefits us and us alone.”
“Your hyungs?” Jin asks.
Jungkook shrugs. “What Hobi-hyung doesn’t know lives in his apartment won’t hurt him. As for Jimin-hyung,” he grins, “I think it might be funny if I introduced you two. He’s reluctantly given up on the concern because I’m off the weed so it might be time anyway to give him something else to quirk his eyebrow at. We’ll talk about it later.”
Seokjin nods, barely understands. He’s too busy thinking about what having a pact will feel like. Because it will mean Seokjin acknowledging he’s mortal. And sometimes Seokjin doesn’t know how to forgive his past. However, he’s learnt that Jungkook wants to help. It doesn't overshadow his fear of his mortality, but it is a significant enough gesture for him to let it go.
His only concern is not being able to fulfill his part of the promise.
“What if there is no profit?” he asks. “What if I can’t help you with money?”
“What if I can’t help you and you end up hating this world?” Jungkook says. “It’s a risk, I guess.”
"Let's do it then," he says. He admires Jungkook’s confidence. "Where did you get the information from?"
Jungkook flushes. "Tumblr."
Jin smiles as he looks over Jungkook's notes.
"It's correct right? It's just a promise we're making."
"Right," Jin says, not prepared for the permanent warmth that overcomes him when their hands are joined and they speak the words.
For a moment it's pleasantly silent. Then Jin struggles to say, "I have never had this before."
"Wishes aren't always fleeting," Jungkook smiles. "I'm just sad you didn't get to chase them before you were running out of time."
"Not like you could’ve done anything,” Jin says.
“Well,” Jungkook says. “Doesn't that make me feel useless.”
Jin coughs and wants to try. “You are doing something now.”
Jungkook smiles. Jin’s heart skips a beat.
~
“Why don’t you eat really old people?" Jungkook asks. "People who’ve lived good lives and are near the end themselves? I know it doesn’t matter what you eat in terms of your lifespan, but at least you won’t have to deprive yourself of food because of human morals you aren't made to adhere to.”
Seokjin understands his reasoning. He finds it pleasing that Jungkook is considerate. In his reasoning, based on the knowledge that vampires go for the joy as if it’s nicotine, old people would make sense. But old people don't remember everything. They taste grey and soul-less when they've already given up. And even when they haven’t, the aftertaste of a long life isn't worth the fleeting enjoyment of memories that can't be attained anymore. It isn't pleasant.
But it depends on their tastes. Some like that it reminds them of their previous years. It makes them feel more alive. Quite like masochists. Seokjin has no such tastes.
Thus he's here:
"I wish to try this." He shoves the phone in Jungkook's face.
"Ah, man. Tumblr again?"
"It has the solutions to my queries."
“You only think it does,” Jungkook wags a finger. Then helps him prepare a glass of coconut water. Something the site tells him is perhaps a substitute for blood.
Even though it's his own suggestion, Seokjin is hesitant to accept it. He stares into Jungkook's honest eyes, who is holding out the cup with funky straw.
Jungkook sets it down. "Look, sorry I gave you the salties. But I didn't know you'd hate it. You suggested this and we have a pact. You can try or don't try but if you go ballistic on me again, that means you have to leave, we discussed that as safety. And I don't… want you to leave."
Seokjin nods. Once. Doesn't break eye contact while he leans forward to suck.
Jungkook takes it away from him again before he can try. "Just for the record, it's fine if you get angry. But use your words. Tell me. It's okay if it doesn't work. I'll understand your frustration. We'll dump this, find something else. And then we can submit a very furious blog post about it. But please keep your cool to some extent. Got it?"
Seokjin nods again. "I've got it."
I've got you, he knows. Just as Jin knows his world is growing to fit him.
~
He finally meets Jimin at a college party. With the boy’s eyes taking him in, Jin momentarily forgets how powerful he is.
“I am not a vampire,” is the first thing Jin says to him, dorkily nervous now that he has something to lose.
Jungkook chortles.
“I mean- I’m Jin.”
“Nice to meet you, dude,” Jimin laughs. “Drink a little too much tonight?”
Jungkook bumps his shoulder. “Yes,” Jin says. “Copiously.”
It is the start of a very awkward friendship.
Jimin leans in for a hug while Jin is distracted, looking at the people around them. “Dude seems a little sketchy if you ask me,” he whispers.
Jungkook laughs. “I’m fine hyung, I promise,” he says.