Chapter Text
“Jeju?”
Yeonjun watches as their manager furrows from across the table, eyes full of confusion.
Well, he can’t actually blame him for that – not like they specifically ask for a Jeju trip in the middle of promotions on daily basis.
“We didn’t have healing trips for a long time!” Beomgyu goes on, pouting cutely as the words leave his mouth. The action makes Yeonjun huff a laugh – even if he is still angry at the younger.
Beomgyu has always known how to get exactly what he wants from people.
“And fans love the concept, you know? We could play games and cook food and stuff,” Kai follows, giving their manager his best boxy smile.
From the corner of his eyes, Yeonjun sees Soobin giving him a look, smirking softly at the scene in front of him. They both know using Kai and Beomgyu is a double kill – their manager is not at advantage of winning there.
“Okay, but why Jeju? It’s kind of far and it’s literally the middle of the winter,” he mumbles, crossing his arms on his chest as he leans back in his chair.
“But that’s the charm! I tell you, this type of concept is super popular lately, pretty-pretty please?” Beomgyu blabbers fast with his best pleading eyes look as he clasps his hands together.
Zero chances of winning, Yeonjun thinks.
The manager looks them over one last time and sighs heavily. “I will inform the staff.”
Beomgyu and Kai screech, and Soobin laughs somewhere near while half-hugging Kai. Taehyun squeezes Yeonjun’s hand and laughs too and Yeonjun just gives everyone a smile.
Almost everyone.
Contrary to what everyone seems to think, Yeonjun has never been good at being angry at anyone for a long period of time. Especially Beomgyu.
It was kind of obvious, actually – not like the members and Beomgyu himself didn’t tease him about that constantly every time Yeonjun let another jab from the younger slide away unnoticed. It made Beomgyu happy, and Yeonjun had always been ready to give him the world if it would bring a heartfelt smile to his lips.
Choi Beomgyu was his own little chaos. And he enjoyed that.
But right now, Yeonjun was still hurt – he thinks most would assume it is because of his own pride, or whatever arrogant label everyone liked to put on his personality, but truthfully, Beomgyu’s words thrown at him yesterday seemed to slash his heart open – even more so that his mere appearance within the same space does.
Yet this time it physically made him hurt.
Losing the thing that is the dearest to them.
I saw you, hyung.
The most terrifying thing was that in the deep corners of his mind this mere thought made him happy. Hopeful.
As if he actually has a chance.
“You’re okay, hyung?” Taehyun squeezes his hand harder as he asks. “You look out of it.”
“Yeah,” Yeonjun shrugs, shaking their linked hands together. “Just tired and stressed because of the whole situation, you know.”
“And because of Beomgyu-hyung too,” he states – doesn’t even ask.
Yeonjun tenses up as he bites down on his lower lip with a force. “It’s not like that.”
“You don’t have to persuade me too, you know?”
He doesn’t. Yet it feels like he should.
“You’re too smart for your own good, Taehyunnie~” Yeonjun coos, quickly pinching his cheek and watching as Taehyun yelps in disgust and laughs. “I’ll go gather some of our stuff,” Yeonjun announces as he gets up, throwing on his coat. The walk from the company to the dorms is short but still freezing.
“I’ll help you.” Yeonjun’s heart flips as he hears Beomgyu’s voice, who also gets on his feet.
“It’s fine, I was planning to do some groceries on my way anyways,” Yeonjun mutters without looking back at him.
Knows he would give in the second he sees his face.
“I can help—”
“I said it’s fine,” Yeonjun cuts out—a bit harsher this time. Feels the pang of guilt as he catches Beomgyu’s dull and lost expression from the corner of his eyes but pushes it right back. “See you all at home.”
The thing that Yeonjun hates to admit is that people are actually right to some extent – his pride was as big as his ego when it came to the things that hurt him deeply. He knows that this whole situation can be easily settled with one conversation and a hug. Knows—hopes—that Beomgyu really didn’t mean that, and it was spewed on pure adrenaline and emotions.
But his pride swells. Because it’s always way too personal when it comes to Beomgyu.
And no matter how hard he tries, his heart would thrive back to Beomgyu’s embrace, even if it’s crumbled down in shambles.
*
The way to Jeju was unusually quiet.
Yeonjun was mostly used to the uplift atmosphere that predominated inside of their minivan during any road trip, but this time, everything was submerged into the tense silence as they nervously waited to get to their planned destination in hopes to do so as soon as possible.
For the most part, it is also harder because Yeonjun sees that the kids still experience visions – Taehyun made a supposition that those may get weaker if they went further from home but judging by everyone’s dull and plain expressions that he witnessed throughout the trip in the most random times it didn’t exactly help – even when Yeonjun insisted that he wants to be the one to bear the sapphire till they get to the beach.
The worst of that was seeing Beomgyu leaving the restroom of the gas station they stopped by with the blank expression and beads of sweat covering his forehead and dump hair as he looked at everyone with a terrified look. It was physically painful for Yeonjun to hold himself from inviting the boy into his embrace, watching as he clutches on Soobin’s arm while gnawing on his lip till blood appears.
Oh, how Yeonjun wished he could take it all instead. But the curse seemed to pull even scarier joke on him, making Yeonjun watch the kids suffering instead, and not being able to do anything about that or fix it.
He still feels helpless and useless.
They plan their escapade right as they get to the rented house in the evening. The manager bids his goodbyes as he settles in one of the rooms on the first floor and as soon as he leaves, Taehyun pulls out a backpack to gather the needed stuff.
“What’s exactly the plan?” Yeonjun asks, handing the sapphire to Taehyun. It is stone cold and heavy on his skin, as if cutting right through it – it’s almost painful.
“Maybe if you didn’t rush out as a crazy person when we were discussing it,” Soobin grunts, also packing some blankets and snacks inside.
“We get to the beach, leave the stone in the moonlight and then just wait,” Kai explains. Yeonjun watches as he makes himself comfortable in Beomgyu’s embrace on the other side of the room, gaze tired and exhausted – seemed like visions got more intense. “You did get the bottle, hyung?”
“Ah, right,” Yeonjun nods, pulling an empty glass bottle from his suitcase and handing it to Taehyun. “Would be fine.”
“Yeah, should be,” Taehyun gives it a glance and puts it inside the backpack. He quickly goes over all the things stuffed inside and sighs. “We need to sneak out a little bit before midnight. Thirty minutes prior or so.”
“Would it really work?” Yeonjun asks, feeling guilt settle as soon as the question leaves his mouth. He didn’t want to discourage everyone even more, but deep inside, he just needed someone’s reassurance himself.
“It has to. We don’t really have a choice,” Beomgyu says sternly. There is an indecipherable look on his face, something that catches Yeonjun off the guard – he is usually good at reading him. Knows every Beomgyu’s expression down to the bone.
Now it’s just nothingness.
“Hyung’s right,” Taehyun nods. “Plus, it all comes down to spiritual things, so as long as we believe it works, it should work.”
Yeonjun snorts. If that has been easy, to begin with. He wishes he could grasp intangible things as good as Soobin or Beomgyu could, yet his brain always needed to see the problem with his own eyes to believe. To make it rational.
Not everything in this life is rational and explainable, Yeonjun.
Yeonjun shakes his head. “Hyung said he was going to sleep anyways, so let’s head out in an hour or so, it should be fine,” he says, turning around. “Also, we can’t use public transport, so I suppose we’re going on foot – better to leave earlier.”
“Downstairs in an hour, then,” Soobin concludes, looking everyone over as they nod.
At least they all are hopeful, Yeonjun thinks.
He wishes he could be, too.
*
Sneaking out is the easiest part – they all are kind of used to that after all the pre-debut endeavours and late-night hangouts at convenience stores down the road, far from people’s eyes. The winter air is harsher and more humid here, the presence of the islander climate being felt on Yeonjun’s skin right away. He slightly shivers, hiding his frozen hands into the pockets of his coat.
Yeonjun has always been too warm.
“The maps say it’s a half an hour walk,” Sooobin furrows, eyes glued to the screen of his phone as they walk hand in hand. “But we have heat packs and tea with us – better to save them for the beach but tell me if you’re cold, I’ll give you something.”
“Okay, mum,” Kai coos, bumping into aggravated Soobin. “Can anyone read maps?” Kai asks as he beams when Soobin nudges closer to warm himself up.
“I do, give me your phone,” Taehyun turns around and snatches the phone out of Soobin’s hands. “Well, basically we just go down and straight,” Taehyun concludes, tapping on the screen as he looks at the image carefully.
They all head out further, Taehyun, Kai, and Soobin getting a little bit ahead as Yeonjun trails behind. Smile settles on his lips as he watches Kai and Soobin playing around, getting into a heated discussion of a Netflix series that they watched recently, with Taehyun chiming in to snicker at both of them. It felt usual.
As if there is nothing extraordinary happening. Safe.
The thing that Yeonjun doesn’t notice is the close presence of Beomgyu, who trails behind along with him, watching the sight in front of them silently. Yeonjun doesn’t know what to say—or if he should initiate anything, at this point. They kind of were on the speaking terms again, but those were limited to dry goodbyes and greetings when they see each other, the strained tension and unresolved feelings still hanging above every time they shared space together.
“Hey,” Beomgyu says quietly after some time. Almost timidly.
“Hey,” Yeonjun mutters back. There were a lot of things that were hard for Yeonjun in this life but talking to Beomgyu has never been one of them. Yet this time, something heavy settles as he tries to get words out of his mouth, unknown pressure pushing and pulling onto his chest.
“Would it be extremely lame if I just say I am sorry?” Beomgyu asks tentatively and scrunches in visible guiltiness, expression being unlawfully too adorable for Yeonjun’s crushed heart.
He huffs a laugh and clicks with his tongue loudly. “A little bit, but I’ll let it slide,” Yeonjun says, watching as Beomgyu’s body tenses down at the words.
“I really didn’t mean that, hyung,” Beomgyu starts blabbering fast, nervously fiddling with his fingers that now look way too pale and firm from the cold. “I know that you would never make fun of me when I am hurt.”
“Hey, it’s fine. You apologized, that’s already enough.”
“No, it’s—” Beomgyu sucks in a breath, scratching with his nails at the back of his hand, making red stripes appear over the paleness. “Look, I know it hurt you not only because of my words but because that is something that everyone is always trying to perpetuate – that you only care about yourself or whatever. But I know that you do care, and I’m sorry for implying something that I knew is hurtful to you.”
Yeonjun flinches – it almost feels as if someone teared up the bandage from the old wound, making his whole body shiver in pain. He has always been able to see through Beomgyu, to know what he feels or how to help to soothe his worries, but it felt weird when Beomgyu became the one to see through him as well.
Giving Yeonjun hopes that he does pay attention to that. That he wants to understand him too.
You’re a hopeful idiot, Yeonjun. “I just was surprised, I guess,” Yeonjun answers, voice a bit brittle and hitched. “I do care, but I think I’ve never thought you actually noticed that. That you felt it somehow, that’s all.”
Beomgyu smirks, gently nudging him with a shoulder. “Of course, I did. That’s kind of obvious, hyung.”
“Oh, shut it,” Yeonjun groans. “You know that you’re too cute for your own good, unfortunately.”
“Thank you,” Beomgyu pouts, placing hands over his heart dramatically. Then he laughs, sounds echoing pleasantly in the air between them. Yeonjun missed hearing it like that. “Okay, wow, this is awkward.”
“What is?”
“Being nice to you.”
“Really, Beomgyu? After apologizing?”
“Old habits die hard, hyung,” Beomgyu snickers and shakes his head. “Just your annoying face awakes the teasing instincts in me, it’s not something I can control.”
“You’re such an ass, Choi Beomgyu. You’re lucky I love you,” Yeonjun blurts out but shuts the mouth close as soon he sees how Beomgyu’s eyes open wide, and smile falls from his lips.
Abort mission!! Abort.
“As much as everyone, I mean,” Yeonjun clears his throat, feeling as blush is creeping onto his cheeks. He prays Beomgyu thinks it’s from the cold.
“Yeah, right,” Beomgyu laughs it off awkwardly, the sound being more high-pitched than it usually is.
Strained silence settles again and Yeonjun feels as his pulse picks up on its own.
Stupid Beomgyu and his stupid pretty face.
“So, did you see only me or..?”
Beomgyu’s head snaps and he throws him a harsh glance but, in the end, looks more like an angry kitten. “Hyung, are you serious?”
“Not for personal satisfaction, hey,” Yeonjun raises both arms in defence, trying to hold in his laughter. “I am just curious, I guess. Like, your dearest thing is—”
“It’s not like a lot of people care about me, you know,” Beomgyu mumbles, now his face colouring with a nice shade of pink.
“That’s not true,” Yeonjun says, perhaps way too fast. It was impossible not to love Beomgyu – just one look at him was enough to be trapped by his charms.
“It is to me,” Beomgyu chuckles bitterly. “When I say it’s obvious, I do mean it – and you don’t really try to conceal it either. I just became too dependent on that. Seeing that someone who doesn’t have to have that unconditional parental love for me can lo—care about me that much.”
Yeonjun holds in his breath, feeling as his heart is about to burst at any minute. Hopeless idiot in love. “What did you see, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Beomgyu shrugs a little, corners of his lips twitching downwards. “It’s always the same. My old school – we had this huge gym class that I really loved. But it’s all dull and colourless, and then—” He sighs, closing his eyes for a second and opens them again to look at Yeonjun. “You’re just.. dead. And I know—feel that you are dead and can’t do anything about that.”
“It’s just a stupid vision, Gyu,” Yeonjun replies calmly, heart itching at the way Beomgyu’s eyes look so fearful and desperate now. “I’m here, all tangible and alive. I would never leave you.” Yeonjun says it jokingly, yet his guts twitch at the way he means it with his all being.
“Is this a threat?” Beomgyu’s expression is smug, voice filling with usual teasing undertones as he looks at him.
Home.
“One single time when we tried to be nice—” Yeonjun blatantly sighs, hoping it comes out as dramatic as he intends.
He supposes it does as Beomgyu huffs a laugh loudly, rolling his eyes at the action. “But what’s fun in that, right?”
“Guys! We’re almost there!” Kai yells from ahead, and, indeed, Yeonjun catches sight of the beach in front of them.
As they come closer, Yeonjun realizes how the place is unusually deserted and feels hollow and empty – shouldn’t be surprising for the winter night that cold but it still catches him off guard. Five of them make their way to the sea, and Yeonjun feels a salty fresh breath of air filling his lungs and making him almost intoxicated with the way his mind gets all fuzzy and dizzy. The skies above are clear and starry, strikingly bright moon shining back at them as they look up.
“Exactly what we needed,” Beomgyu mutters quietly. Yeonjun looks back at him, and for a moment, he swears he stops breathing from the way the boy looks so mesmerizingly beautiful under the moonlight as the sea wind is gently brushing through his long locks. Too pretty.
“We’re lucky that the sky is clear today,” Taehyun agrees as he crouches down, taking out the bottle and the sapphire. Soobin joins him, taking care of blankets to place them over the sand for them to sit on, heat packs to throw around, and all the snacks that they bought. Beomgyu plops down on one of the blankets quickly, nudging onto Yeonjun’s sleeve to drag him down with him on the ground.
“Gentler, heathen,” Yeonjun hisses out, but the warmth blooms under the skin – not from the heat packs. Beomgyu just shrugs, clutching on Yeonjun’s arm like a koala, nuzzling into his shoulder closer to look for the warmth. Always a bit colder than everyone else. Yeonjun kind of finds it amusing how it is so opposite from reality – Yeonjun with his cold stance but heated skin, and Beomgyu with his warm and bright demeanour, but touch as cold as ice.
People with cold hands have the warmest hearts, his mom used to say.
Beomgyu proves that it’s, indeed, truth.
“What now?” Yeonjun asks, flinching from the wind in his face. He watches as Soobin and Kai plop on the other side of the blanket, with another one thrown over their shoulders to guard them against the wind.
Taehyun is still crouching, sifting the sand into the bottle. “Firstly, I will put the stone into the sand – sand is also from the sea, so it should help with recharging, as the water is good for energy transfers from what I’ve read,” he explains while shaking the bottle to even the sand inside out. “I will put the stone here,” Taehyun says as he takes out the sapphire and lays it onto his hand. He throws the last hesitant look at everyone and all of them nod, as if encouraging him to continue. Taehyun takes a deep breath and puts the stone inside of the bottle, and they all watch how it falls onto the pillow of sand. “And now, we leave it buried where the water can touch it, under the moon light to cleanse the energy off.” Taehyun stands up to get closer to the coast not that far away from where the water touches the sand. From afar, Yeonjun sees how he digs a small pit to put the bottle there, burying it halfway again to stabilise it. “And, that’s it!” Taehyun shouts with a wide grin plastered on his face as he springs back to them, eyes open wide and hopeful.
“No magic spells or shit like that?” Yeonjun huffs, watching as Taehyun plops near him.
“Don’t be a kid, hyung,” Beomgyu clicks with his tongue, arching an eyebrow at him.
“As if it’s weirder that all that spiritual shit that is happening,” Yeonjun rolls his eyes, but smiles. Strangely, now he finally feels calm and peaceful – for the first time this week.
Everyone seems to share the stance as the quietness settle for a little bit, with all of them looking hazily at the waves splashing against the coast and reefs. The moon is unbelievably full and complete today, as if further confirming how right is that they are together today.
“I’m sorry,” Yeonjun says tentatively, suddenly overwhelmed with the feelings.
“Huh?” The unison of voices comes through, all the gazes directed at him now.
“Beomgyu is right, I did act like an ass, I’m sorry. For not taking it seriously at first.” Yeonjun clears his throat, words heavy on his tongue. “I guess I was just scared that if it’s something that I could not comprehend, I wouldn’t be able to help you. That I’d be helpless.”
Beomgyu squeezes his hand soothingly, forehead bumping into his shoulder. “It’s not your fault,” he whispers, as if only for Yeonjun to hear.
“It’s fine, hyung,” Kai adds, giving him a small smile. “You were a great help. You made us calm.”
“That’s true,” Taehyun nudges him from the other side. “Don’t worry.”
Then Yeonjun’s eyes meet Soobin’s worried ones. “You are the best leader that we could have had, Soobinnie. Really,” Yeonjun says softly, corners of his lips twitching. “Thank you for keeping everything under control.”
“It’s nothing,” Soobin grunts, cheeks puffed as he gets flustered. Everyone starts to coo at him, Kai precisely trying to pinch his cheek. “The only ones we should thank here are Taehyun and Kai.”
“Naaah,” Taehyun shakes his head. “We all did well.”
“We’re all such saps,” Beomgyu chuckles, raising his head to tuck his chin onto Yeonjun’s shoulder. He notes how he is unusually touchy today – perhaps because of the whole fallout they have had going this past week. “But I am really grateful that I have you, guys. Not only because we’re popular or shit like that.”
Yeonjun allows himself to intertwine his and Beomgyu’s fingers, tilting his head to the side to bump into Beomgyu. He swears the latter outrightly giggles, nosing in the crook of his neck.
Yeonjun doesn’t think his weak heart can handle that.
“I was so scared.” Taehyun’s voice pulls him out of the haze as he speaks out shyly. “When I saw—When I thought I have lost you when I saw that first vision. I’ve never felt anything as shattering in my life.”
Yeonjun gives Taehyun a pursed smile and Kai pouts at him, eyes turning watery.
“I was scared even at the thought of seeing you all among those bodies in my vision,” Soobin joins, nudging closer to Kai. “Can’t even imagine how bad it was to actually see it.”
“I called my sisters the other day,” Kai follows, covering in blanket further. His nose is already all red from the cold and eyes are still glistering with stalled tears that seem to refuse to fall. “You know how busy they are and stuff,” he chuckles dryly. “I wanted to make sure they are fine, that they are alive. That stupid thing felt so real that I started confusing reality with illusion, at one point. Believing that that vision actually happened, and all of my hands are covered in blood.”
Yeonjun clenches his jaw, feeling as everything in him tenses up. “I still don’t understand why me,” he mutters. “Why I couldn’t—why I just had to watch you all suffer. I’d rather took it all on me, I told you. Watching it like this had hurt even more.”
“None of us deserved it,” Beomgyu whispers, shot of hot breath making goosebumps appear on Yeonjun’s skin as Beomgyu’s face is still nuzzled into his neck as he talks. “I don’t understand why anyone would do a thing as fucked up as this.”
“Maybe they weren’t aware of the power it actually holds,” Taehyun shrugs. “I read a lot when researching. When having mean intent and belief, those things are scaringly dangerous. Perhaps, Yeonjun was protecting himself when being sceptical about that, after all.”
It is meant to be a reassurance but makes Yeonjun crumble down even more.
“Doesn’t matter now,” Soobin says as he looks at them. “We all are together, that all that matters.”
“Sounds like a high school musical speech, hyung,” Beomgyu grins back at him, peeking out from behind Yeonjun’s shoulder. It feels oddly domestic when they both are stuck to each other like that, with no space in-between.
“I mean, he is a leader,” Taehyun laughs, throwing one of his fists in the air jokingly. “Motivational speaker is basically his full-time job.”
“I changed my mind, I hate you all,” Soobin whines, but nothing can conceal the look of fondness in his eyes as they all burst into the loud laughter.
They are fine. And they are okay.
Yeonjun thinks it is what peace looks like – his friends’ faces spluttered in sincere smiles and laughter as they bicker, and Beomgyu’s face fitted perfectly in the crook of his shoulder as his hot breath tickles softly onto his skin.
Peace.
*
In the end, they decide to take the stone back with them.
“It is harmless now anyways,” Taehyun explains. “And I think, would be a nice reminder of our bonding. Like a trophy.”
The visions stop – at least, it is what it seems. On the second day without them, everyone is screeching in victory, celebrating with a set of fried chicken and beer while sitting by the sea. They do end up filming the content for the variety later, though – their initial intention of coming to Jeju, supposedly, after all. The filming crew is happy, as well as the staff, praising their unusual uplifting spirits and cheerfulness. They all just brush it away.
It’s work, Yeonjun says with a sly smile.
So, as scary as it is, they settle on bringing the stone back where it came from: to Seoul and back to their home. They leave it in the house, among the countless trophies—as cheesy as it is—and the tentative blue is shining near the gold and silver now, peacefully resting and reminding them of their shared endeavour. The visions, indeed, stop even after that.
Beomgyu’s nightmares don’t, though.
And, obviously, Yeonjun sees that it is not as bad as the visions. Beomgyu sleeps bad, but well, still sleeps, and acts quite normal during the day or schedules. He jokes around as he usually does, teases the daylights out of Yeonjun as they bicker, manages to pull himself together when they are filming another piece of content or have another dance practice to attend.
Yet, Yeonjun sees it all. Deep circles right under Beomgyu’s eyes and the way his stance crumbles down when no one sees.
“You can sleep with me if the nightmares are bothering you that much, you know,” Yeonjun offers during one of the practices as they both are on the floor, Beomgyu’s head sprawled on Yeonjun’s lap as he lays down with his eyes closed.
“Really?” Beomgyu says, squinting up at him. “You won’t mind?”
“I always ask you to stay, if you haven’t noticed,” Yeonjun scowls. “Of course, I won’t mind. You know that I want to help.”
That’s how Yeonjun finds himself sleeping with Beomgyu more often than without him. As comical as it sounds. It does help, and the others don’t even flinch when they see both of them heading back to Yeonjun’s room together, as if this is not something unusual.
As if it’s meant to be.
And Beomgyu seems to not quite realize how close he gets to Yeonjun at nights. It starts rather civil – they both lay around within an acceptable distance with a casual hand-touching and Beomgyu’s head tucked on Yeonjun’s shoulder. They watch a few videos on Youtube before they say their goodnights, each turning around on their respective side.
Then, the nightmares kick in, and Beomgyu is clutching onto Yeonjun as if on the lifeline.
Just like today, hands draped over Yeonjun’s waist as he lets out small puffs of breath into his neck. His hair is damp, and his skin is covered in sweat but that makes his presence even slicker and heavier in the air, Yeonjun feeling as if he is suffocating from the sensational overload dumped right onto him.
Beomgyu lets out little grunts, fingers digging into Yeonjun’s waist further. “Hyung,” he meowls, eyes still closed.
And, listen. Yeonjun is only human. So, as much as he wants to be a man full of dignity and not enjoy the close now obtained proximity, he can’t resist it. Not when he knows for sure it does make Beomgyu feel better.
“Baby, it’s all fine,” Yeonjun whispers into the crown of Beomgyu’s head, hands pulling his whole body closer. For the first time, he feels the heat from Beomgyu’s body, finally freed from the coldness that it usually elevates. “I’m here.”
“Junnie,” Beomgyu mumbles, but now his eyes are open as he looks up. Yeonjun isn’t startled – it happens sometimes – but now Beomgyu’s look is bordering with desperation as he only starts nuzzling closer, as if trying to merge into one with Yeonjun’s body. “You’re okay.”
“As fine as always,” Yeonjun dryly laughs, thinking how it would be a nice pun if they both are awake. “Now sleep, it was only a dream.”
“You’re not a dream,” Beomgyu drags drowsily, plopping up on his elbow as he is now hovering over Yeonjun. The older sucks in a breath, suddenly too aware of the weight on his body and how Beomgyu’s face is just inches apart. “You’re real.”
“Pretty sure I am,” Yeonjun whispers, hand caressing Beomgyu’s back gently.
“I—Hyung,” Beomgyu blinks slowly, not making any attempt of moving away. Yeonjun doesn’t know what is happening. “I need to feel that you’re real.”
Whatever that means. “Gyu.”
One of Beomgyu’s hands slides up his arm and stops on his neck, cradling his face right under his jaw. “You’re so pretty.”
Fuck.
Not good, Yeonjun. Not good for you. “You’re prettier,” Yeonjun blurts out, mostly on instinct.
It seems to fuel Beomgyu even more as he leans even closer, body half on top of Yeonjun as one of his legs hooks around his thighs. “I need you, hyung,” he bumps their foreheads together, hot breath now all over Yeonjun’s face.
Yeonjun feels dizzy. “Beomgyu, you’re not in the right mind,” Yeonjun grits with the last grains of sanity he has left, closing his eyes shut while making attempts of holding his breath.
“I’ve never been saner, hyung.” The hold on his jaw stiffens and then Beomgyu’s lips are on his, dry and hot, the chapped skin scratching against the smooth one.
Yeonjun honest to god imagined that moment a lot but now his brain seems to lag off completely, as Beomgyu licks into his mouth enthusiastically, seeming even more awake than ever.
Yeonjun groans lowly, hand grasping Beomgyu’s waist as he pulls them closer. Their mouths slot together almost perfectly, Yeonjun sighing right into the kiss, tongues meeting each other halfway. Beomgyu’s hand that was cradling his face is now down at the hem of Yeonjun’s shirt, sliding under it effortlessly and Yeonjun shivers from the feeling.
He breaks the kiss away and laughs, looking at Beomgyu’s eyes blown wide in surprise, mouth slick and red from the kissing. “Your hands are always so fucking cold, you know that?” Yeonjun huffs, closing his eyes as Beomgyu’s hands make their way from his abdomen and right up his ribs, fingers gently going over every little bone of his body.
“Yours are always so warm,” Beomgyu says hazily. “You’re so warm, hyung.”
Yeonjun gasps as Beomgyu drags his nails over Yeonjun's heated skin at the words, digging into it with force strong enough to make him shiver. Yeonjun throws his head back as it hits the frame behind them. “Fuck.”
Beomgyu huffs, “Indeed.” Yeonjun hears the smug smirk in Beomgyu’s voice even with eyes closed. But before Yeonjun can retort, Beomgyu’s lips are suddenly mouthing at his neck, leaving fleeting open-mouthed kisses and Yeonjun swears he doesn’t only see stars, he feels them everywhere with every bit of his body.
No, it’s—“Beomgyu,” Yeonjun says firmly trying to sit up and collect himself.
“Hmm,” Beomgyu hums, the sound vibrating through the skin on Yeonjun’s neck, making him shiver again.
“We really should wait till you’re in the right mind.”
“I am perfectly fine,” Beomgyu drags his lips through the skin slowly.
Yeonjun gulps. Not a single thought. “You’re scared. And pumped up,” he manages to make out. “I don’t want to take advantage of you, or do something you will regret.”
“I won’t,” Beomgyu chuckles, scraping his teeth over at the base of his neck.
God, give me strength. “You can’t know it for sure.” With last strains of control, Yeonjun straightens up his hands, pushing Beomgyu’s chest gently to pull them away.
With a low whine, Beomgyu obeys, but still hovers over, eyes hooded, and cheeks flushed. “Did I make you uncomfortable?” He asks worriedly as he blinks.
Yeonjun doesn’t know if he wants to cry or to laugh. “God, no. For sure, no.”
“Then what is it?” Beomgyu sits up, pulling Yeonjun with him. Now they sit with each other with their legs crossed, Beomgyu’s curious eyes following every flinch of Yeonjun’s expression.
Yeonjun sighs. “Let’s talk tomorrow. When you’re not pumped up on adrenaline and at the sane hour,” Yeonjun says, taking one of Beomgyu’s hands in his. “I want that, Gyu—honest to god, more than anything. But not like that.”
Beomgyu bites on his lip hesitantly, looking down. “Okay, hyung.”
“Now, sleep,” Yeonjun mutters, placing a soft kiss onto the younger’s forehead, but lingering for longer than he probably should. “I’ll chase all the nightmares away.”
“Sap,” Beomgyu chuckles, but gives in to the touch, plopping back into the bed. “Sleep tight, hyung.”
Beomgyu turns to the side, but Yeonjun still hears his breath hitched and heavy. Carefully, Yeonjun also lays down, getting closer as he presses against Beomgyu’s back. “Sleep tight too, Gyu,” Yeonjun whispers back, eyes shutting close.
The feeling of Beomgyu’s touch on his skin lingers till the morning.
*
They manage to talk only in the afternoon, at the evening practice.
Beomgyu is sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the mirror, mindlessly scrolling through the feed of his phone. Yeonjun is suddenly scared, all the possible options of how this can turn absolutely disastrous going back and forth in his head.
But it’s Beomgyu—his Beomgyu, right?
“You’re early,” Yeonjun notes as he comes closer, getting down on the floor in front of Beomgyu.
The younger looks up, startled at first but smile warming up at the sight of Yeonjun. “Well, now we need to have the talk.”
“The talk?”
“Yeah, like,” Beomgyu throws his arms in the air in an undecipherable gesture. “Either you say it was a terrible mistake and you didn’t mean it and the earth swallows me whole, or we confess to each other and be all giggly and sappy.”
Yeonjun tries to keep his face straight as he titles his head to the side. “Which of those do you think it is?”
Beomgyu gnaws on his lower lip nervously, cheeks colouring red all of a sudden. “I didn’t push myself onto you, did I?” He asks hesitantly as he looks up. “I know how it seemed, and I am sorry I was indeed a little hazed but,” he shrugs, now scratching the skin up and down his fingers. “Hyung, if it’s only physical for you—”
Yeonjun laughs at that, making Beomgyu blink in confusion. “You really don’t see it, do you?” Yeonjun chuckles, small smile spluttered on his lips.
And then Beomgyu looks at him. Or, rather, finally sees him, mouth opening as he breathes out at the sight. “You like me,” he concludes after a few minutes, corners of his lips twitching.
“I think I am in love with you, actually,” Yeonjun says calmly. He thought how scary it would be to say it out loud but, surprisingly, it comes out easily, as if he was meant to say it every day of his life. “Been for a long time, long before this whole spiritual shit incidence.”
“Hyung,” Beomgyu gulps, blinking through a few times. His cheeks are still covered in blush, and his hands are still fiddling with his own fingers nervously. “Why do you think I saw you out of all people?”
Yeonjun squints cheekily. “Because I am a good hyung?”
“God, you’re so fucking dense,” Beomgyu groans. “I literally jumped you last night.”
“Yeah, you were—” Yeonjun flushes a little, scratching the back of his head. “A little enthusiastic, if you can say that.”
“Shut up,” Beomgyu mumbles, cheeks puffed out cutely. “I am in love with you too, hyung. If that was not obvious enough.”
Yeonjun feels his heart stumble back and forth, practically overflowing with joy. Everything feels surreal, and he can’t help but smile like an idiot, looking at how Beomgyu shyly tries to avoid his gaze as he says the words. “I’ll kiss you now,” Yeonjun says, taking one of Beomgyu’s hands and cradling his face with the other as he shuffles closer, stopping just a breath away.
Yeonjun is the first one to lean in this time, pressing a chaste kiss to Beomgyu’s lips. It’s sweet and short, and a little bit quick, but Yeonjun thinks that exactly how their first kiss should have been – making both of them feel at home.
They pull away and Beomgyu smiles, eyes crinkled and bright as he looks back.
“By the way, I bought some crystals.” Yeonjun goes through his pockets swiftly, taking a few heavy stones that he ordered a few days ago. They drop to the floor with a bump, the noise echoing through the small studio.
Beomgyu furrows. “Crystals?”
“Yeah, like—” Yeonjun lays them out one by one in front of him. “This is aquamarine—because you’re a Pisces.”
Beomgyu grins. “Pisces.”
“And this is amethyst, because you have a Scorpio Moon.”
“Scorpio moon,” he echoes with the same smug grin plastered on his face.
“And this is rose quartz because I’ve read it has protective—” Yeonjun blabbers but then catches Beomgyu outright laughing into his face, chest shaking as he tries hard to contain the intensity. “Yeah, okay, go ahead and laugh. I did it for you, asshole.”
Beomgyu leans in, hands placed over Yeonjun’s knees as he brushes their noses together. “You’re so fucking cute, hyung, you know that?” He whispers, placing a soft kiss on his nose, then cheeks, then quickly brushing through his lips.
And Yeonjun feels that his heart is probably already in a grave with the way the beating is so fast that it almost feels still.
“Nice.” They spring away at the voice, watching as Taehyun barges in with an annoyed look on his face. “Now you’re gonna be even more disgusting than you were before.”
“What? When we ever were disgusting?” Yeonjun retorts, lips forming a pout.
“Save it,” Taehyun rolls his eyes, looking down at them. “Your flirting-bickering around each other was so damn annoying.”
“Excuse me?” Beomgyu screeches, placing a hand over his heart in a faux surprise, and Yeonjun splutters in laughter, intertwining their fingers again.
“Happy for you, though,” Taehyun chuckles, eyes going from Beomgyu to Yeonjun, and settling in-between their hands. “But don’t be too disgusting, please.”
“Not making any promises here,” Beomgyu raises his hand in defence, throwing Yeonjun a wide smile and a quick wink.
And, in that moment, Yeonjun thinks that perhaps—only perhaps—sapphires are not that bad, after all.