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Was It Worth It?

Summary:

She’s the one who dragged them to The Dragon’s Triangle. She’s the one who convinced Roth to change course. She’s the one who got the Endurance wrecked. She’s the one who got them stuck here. She sobbed and sobbed. Roth’s body was losing its warmth from the harsh freezing rain relentlessly pelting against them both. The fire crackled from the helicopter crash nearby. Lara wailed, holding Roth close. “Come back!” Lara begged. “Please! Roth, don’t go! Please, please come back! I need you. I can’t do this on my own.”

OR

Lara reminisces above Roth’s cold body.

Notes:

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!

i just have a lot of lara and roth thoughts okay im sorry
lara and her guilt and grief occupy about 70% of my brain daily

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Lara gasped, choking on her breath. Above her, Roth mumbled encouraging words as he dragged her to her feet. She coughed, body numb and limbs weak as she desperately clung onto the man. What was going on? She couldn’t focus, her vision was blurry. Gunshots rang out and she flinched, tightening her hold on her father figure. She stumbled along with him, eyes widening when she saw Solarii coming from the bushes. “It’s them,” she gasped out, still struggling to breathe. Roth abruptly turned and began shooting them one by one. Lara heard the horrid sound of their bodies hitting the soaked dirt.

And the click-click of Roth’s empty gun.

She heard a yell of effort from Mathias, that bastard , and felt Roth quickly flip them and the axe flew at them and Lara couldn’t process it and he let her go and-

“NOOO!” Lara wailed, flailing to the ground. The man grunted in pain but turned and shot at the Solarii once more with his other pistol. Lara coughed, struggling to sit up, but she felt dizzy and weak and scared and oh my god -

Roth fell to the ground, Lara crying out his name. He dropped his gun and swallowed, trying to breathe but ultimately failing. “Roth,” Lara sobbed, crawling towards him. “I can’t do this without you.”

Don’t leave me don’t go please stay I can’t-

“I’m sorry, Lara,” he rasped. Lara’s heart broke and she scooted closer, her senses in disarray. “I’m sorry. You can do this.” He panted, and Lara cried harder. “You’re a Croft.”

His head went limp, and Lara’s sobs bubbled up in her throat. She pulled herself closer to him and nestled in the crook of his neck, crying even harder than before.

Roth was her only family she had left. Her mother and father were both dead and long gone. She had no extended family she cared about. Sure, her uncle was still alive, but she hadn’t kept in contact with him. Roth raised her. Roth cared for her. Roth was a better father than Richard Croft ever was to her.

This is my fault.

She’s the one who dragged them to The Dragon’s Triangle. She’s the one who convinced Roth to change course. She’s the one who got the Endurance wrecked. She’s the one who got them stuck here. She sobbed and sobbed. Roth’s body was losing its warmth from the harsh freezing rain relentlessly pelting against them both. The fire crackled from the helicopter crash nearby. Lara wailed, holding Roth close. “Come back!” Lara begged. “Please! Roth, don’t go! Please, please come back! I need you. I can’t do this on my own.” She took a large inhale of breath, choking on it and coughing. She felt weak…

I can’t do this without you. Please.

“Come back.” Lara whimpered. “Don’t go.”

Even with her begging, she knew it was hopeless. This was reality. She couldn’t change it, couldn’t rewind time. Roth was gone

Lara lifted her head and let out an agonizing scream, her voice rough and full of unshed tears. She coughed violently, trembling against Roth’s now-freezing body. His two pistols rested beside his thigh, and Lara hesitantly picked up the one that was still loaded.

Was it worth it? Any of this?

The overwhelming pain in her chest made her gag and cough once more. She forced herself to quickly recover and let out one last screech into the sky. As she stared into the thunderous clouds, tears mixing with the raindrops, she shakily lifted the gun and rested it under her jaw.

One shot. Just do it. No more pain, no more guilt.

She swallowed.

But the others. You can’t leave them.

She remembered what those disgusting men had done to Sam earlier, what they did to her . She choked out a sob and let go of the gun, watching it clatter to the small dirt puddle that had formed. She couldn’t just take her own life like that, leave her friends to deal with the carnage.

Lara was going to miss Roth. So much. The way he saved Jaffa Cakes just for her when she came over to visit. The way his voice gruffly spoke to her. The way he complimented her on her achievements and picked her up when she felt sad. The way he’d kiss her forehead when she had a breakdown about her deceased parents. She thought about all the times Roth hugged her with his bear arms. The times she’d cry over her parents as a child and Roth would sing her to sleep. His voice was much too rough to be a singer, he’d said before, but to Lara, it was perfect.

And of course, there were happy moments between them too. She’d help cook with him sometimes. She’d tell him magical stories about how she’d go on adventures when she was older. Roth would always chuckle at her saying she’d solve all the world’s deepest darkest secrets with him. “I’ll be too old,” he’d say with a wistful smile. Lara would frown and respond with “But you’re my adventuring partner! We have to go together!”.

Lara’s tears continued to pour down her face. She thought about her parents. How her mom died when she was too young to remember her face. How her dad was obsessed with too many secrets, how he took his own life because of it all. It was Roth that found her in Richard’s office, crying and scared and begging him to bring her father back. She’d never seen Roth look so shocked in her entire life. He grabbed Lara and pulled her away, holding her close and whispering comforting words into her ear.

Now, though, she didn’t have that. She couldn’t. Roth was gone. Dead.

Like she should be

She knows she died for a moment after the helicopter crash. One minute she’s screaming bloody murder at the pilot to land, Roth’s gun in her hand, trained against the pilot’s head. The next, she remembers crashing, blacking out, and coming to with Roth above her pumping air into her lungs. Her vision was blurry, her sense of smell was heightened too much, every touch felt static and electric at the same time. She couldn’t breathe right, couldn’t focus, she wanted Roth-

He’s gone, she told herself. He’s gone.

“You’re a Croft.”

His words echoed in her head, and she sobbed harder. What kind of Croft is she if she can’t protect the ones she loves most?

She should be dead. She shouldn’t be the survivor here. She’s barely out of University, yet here she is, with a bow strapped around her and a few lives under her belt. Twenty-one and losing everyone she loves. Twenty-one with a gun in her hand. Twenty-one and she took away other’s lives. Twenty-one and completely fucked in the head.

She wants comfort. She wants Roth. She wants to die .

But she couldn’t leave the others. Not like this.

She gasped, trying to breathe. “Roth…” She whispered, falling against him. “Please come back.” The adventurer sobbed into his shoulder, her eyes slipping shut.

Don’t leave me.



“No… No!” 

The brunette lifted her head and saw Sam, Reyes, Jonah, and Alex trotting towards her. Sam reached her first, gently pulling her up and into her arms. “Oh, sweetie, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Lara sniffed stubbornly, gazing at Roth’s body as Jonah yanked the axe from his back, laying him down. “Are you okay, Lara?”

“Is she okay?” Reyes snapped. “Because it’s all about Lara, isn’t it?”

Lara hung her head, folding in on herself. She’s right.

“That’s not fair, Reyes.” Sam whispered, stroking her hand along Lara’s back.

“You’re right.” Reyes relented. Lara could see her struggling to hold back her tears. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just… Roth… I don’t know what we’re gonna do without him.”

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry-

“Let’s just find someplace safe and make preparations.” Jonah murmured, leaning down and resting a comforting hand on Reyes’ shoulder. Lara sighed. “He died as a warrior… we’ll send him on as one.”

Lara rested her head against Sam’s shoulder, exhausted. Her voice was scratchy from her screaming and sobbing earlier.

I should be dead.

She’d never forgive herself for letting Roth die. It was her reckless actions that caused everything.

My fault. My fault he’s dead.

She glanced at Reyes, who had her eyes trained on Roth.

Her heart raced and she furrowed her brows as a new spark of fire lit inside her.

I’m not losing anyone else.

She would die before that happened.

Notes:

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