Chapter Text
Freddie walked out of the dressing room after the show finished with a parting wave and a comment about the 'leggy blond' he had spotted in the front row that he was planning on whisking off to his room, telling John to wait an hour or so before coming back to their room.
I bit back a sigh, sitting and staring at myself in the mirror. My silken shirt had been peeled off and was tossed in a heap on the counter, but I hadn't bothered to put my regular shirt back on yet. I watched as John walked over, leaning on the countertop and folding his arms across his chest.
"I was going to go to a bar. Do you want to tag along?" he asked, nudging me gently.
"Oh, I don't know," I said, resting my chin on my hand and pouting at my reflection. "What are you planning on doing there?"
"It's...a bar. I'm going to have a drink," he said slowly, giving me a baffled look, and my cheeks grew red.
"Right. Well. I wasn't sure if you had other plans," I mumbled, before clearing my throat and rising to my feet, grabbing my shirt. "Sure, I'll go with you. Someone's got to tag along to keep you safe."
He gave me a thin smile, worry still filling his eyes before he turned to Brian, who was running a brush through his hair in a desperate battle to wrangle his curls into a more presentable halo.
"Bri? Want to tag along?" he called.
"I'm a little tired, I think I'm just going to turn in early tonight. Rog, don't worry about being extra quiet or anything when you come home, I doubt you'll wake me up," he said, giving us a parting wave.
I looked at John, who gave me a soft smile which I struggled to return, jumping to my feet and walking out of the dressing room with him. It was rather silent as we made our way to the bar, and it was only when we were both sat with a drink in hand that he made an effort to start a conversation with me.
"I don't mean to intrude, but is everything alright?" he asked. "Freddie's mentioned he's worried about you."
Scowling, I slammed my drink down, making him jump. "Yes, I'm fine! I've told everyone that I'm fucking fine, so stop asking! It's just stress!" I snapped.
He looked at me in shock, eyes wide. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just...well I-I'm worried about you too, you're my friend and you've been acting really strangely," he said.
I sighed, dropping my gaze to my drink, stirring the ice cubes around the cocktail with my pinky. "Sorry. It's not your fault. I don't know, I just..."
I faltered, unable to even figure out how to put my feelings into words. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I had no idea what I was feeling, there was no way I could explain things to John.
"I just haven't felt like myself lately," I settled on at last.
He nodded, taking a sip of his drink. "I understand," he said, and I let out a weak chuckle.
"I hope so," I murmured under my breath. "I hope someone understands, because I sure don't."
"I hope things get better for you," John said. "You can talk to me about anything, though, really. I don't want things to fall apart between you and Freddie. I care a lot about both of you."
With a smile, I reached across the table, picking up his hand and giving it a squeeze before letting go. "I know. You're a good friend, I'm lucky to have you, in the band and just in my life as a whole."
"I'm lucky to have you too. Guess I'm lucky I impressed you at my audition," he said with a chuckle, taking a sip of his drink.
We fell into a more casual conversation, chatting about nothing in particular until I glanced at my watch, letting out a soft sigh.
"I think I'm going to head back to the hotel," I said, rising to my feet. "Are you going to stay longer?"
"No, no. I don't think I've quite reached the point in the tour where I need to sit in the bar and drink by myself," he said, finishing the last few drops of his drink before heading back to the hotel with me.
I walked up to my room, standing in the hall for a moment, trying to work up the nerve to unlock the door and walk inside. I didn't know what was wrong. I just didn't want to go in and go to bed. But I didn't want to be in the bar either, or anywhere really. I couldn't think of what I actually did want.
A pair of hands suddenly covered my eyes. "Guess who?" a sing-song voice said. I yelped, shoving the person away from me without a second thought, heart pounding. Freddie giggled, poking me in the ribs.
"On edge, are you darling?" he teased.
"No, you just...you just startled me. Of course you startled me, you snuck up behind me and tried to blind me," I snapped, face flushed with embarrassment. "What happened to your leggy blond?"
"Oh, nothing happened to her. She was wonderful, but I sent her off after we had our fun. John's in the room now though so I'm off to find someone to take me out somewhere," he said with a giggle. "How was the bar? See any lookers?"
"It was fine. Nice talking to John. Wasn't really looking for anyone," I said in a clipped tone, turning toward the door and turning my back on him.
"Oh. Well then, enjoy the rest of your night in," he said in a rather small voice, turning and walking down the hall.
I bit back a bitter sigh, hand on the doorknob, watching him step into the elevator out of the corner of my eye.
"Dammit Roger," I muttered, gently knocking my head against the door. "You're such a fucking idiot. You're going to ruin the tour and the band as a whole if you can't manage to pull yourself together."