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Nothing’s going right.
They just lost to the Arizona Coyotes, for fuck’s sake.
And it wasn’t by a little, either.
Nico can’t even remember that he can’t curse in his post-game interview. Somehow, that’s even worse, because it makes him look like his mind is all over the place--not focused on trying to win.
Maybe his mind is all over the place at this point. The Devils can’t seem to win no matter what, and he’s the captain, so it all falls on his shoulders. His team is counting on him and he can’t even fix it.
What a fucking disgrace.
--
Nico sighs and flops down on the couch.
The room is dark except for a small night light that’s plugged into the wall. It feels fitting, walking into a dark room after their loss. He doesn’t feel like turning any other lights on, either. He’d rather just sit in the dark and mope.
Nico sits for a few minutes before lying down and curling up on his side. His stomach grumbles, but he ignores it, preferring to punish himself for the loss. If any of the trainers found out, he’d be murdered on the spot.
Fortunately, no one has to know how he prefers to punish himself.
Not even Jack.
Oh… Jack.
Nico’s let him down. He’s done nothing but make Jack’s entrance into the league hell. Jack should be having fun on the team, and he shouldn’t have to hear words like “draft bust” all the time. The poor kid has done nothing but good for the team, and yet, Nico finds new ways to let him down. It’s disgusting, in Nico’s opinion.
He doesn’t want the team to remove the captaincy from him, but he feels like they should. How are players like Jack, so incredibly talented, supposed to grow if they can’t win? Jack can’t learn from someone like him, who’s never known what it’s like to win. He should be learning from someone who’s won, and has done it well.
Nico can’t fill the gaps.
He’s so young himself, and yet, he’s responsible for this team. First over-all didn’t mean shit, apparently. He’s not Crosby. He can’t just win the cup in his fourth year on the team and make it look easy.
This whole, young team looking up to him… fuck. He’s let them all down, and--
His phone buzzes in his pocket.
Nico reluctantly pulls it out and looks at the text message. It’s Jack.
Can I come over?
Nico sighs and rubs a hand over his face. He really doesn’t want Jack seeing him like this, but he also wants his boyfriend’s attention. He types out a quick sure and slips his phone back into his pocket. Jack has a key, so Nico doesn’t have to worry about getting up.
He closes his eyes and thinks, and before he knows it, there’s a hand on his shoulder.
“Nico?” Jack calls softly. His thumb rubs against Nico’s shoulder in a soothing motion.
“Hmm?” Nico hums, blearily blinking up at Jack in the darkness. He can just barely make out Jack’s face with the glow coming off the night light. He looks good, soft and warm.
“Why are you in the dark, baby?” Jack crouches down in front of him.
“Didn’t feel like turning the light on.” He mumbles.
Jack clicks his tongue and cups Nico’s cheek in his hand. “I know you’re upset, but it’s okay. You don’t have to stay in the dark.”
“I wanna,” Nico shakes his head. “It’s…”
“It’s what?”
“I just feel bad.” Nico says. He’s not going to hide how he feels from Jack, but he’s not going to enjoy saying it either when all he wants to do is mope about how bad he’s been.
“You don’t feel well?” Nico can hear the frown in Jack’s voice.
“No, I mean… I feel bad about what happened.”
Jack brushes his hand through Nico’s hair. “Why, baby? You did everything right.”
“But I let everyone down, especially you.” Nico mumbles.
He still feels horrible about what happened. Sleeping for… however long didn’t help him one bit in trying to process the loss and the losses that came before it.
Now that Jack’s here in front of him with his innocence, Nico thinks about how Jack should be on a better team. He should have the opportunity to grow with players that are like minded and have passion for winning, as well as the goals and final score to back it up. Jersey just can’t seem to give him that, and it’s not fair to Jack.
He deserves so much better than this.
“Nico, you didn’t let anyone down.” Jack sighs. “We’re all responsible for the losses. It’s not you who gets to take the blame.”
“But I’m the captain.”
“No, baby. You don’t get to take any more blame than the rest of us. I should be out there scoring, too.” Jack says.
“But--”
“Shh, let me take care of you for once.” Jack presses a kiss to Nico’s forehead.
Nico closes his eyes and accepts the feeling of warmth that washes over him. His boyfriend never fails to make him feel better, and he almost feels guilty in this case. He shouldn’t stop feeling bad about himself, but Jack makes a good point. Everyone is responsible for the losses: goaltender, defense, and forwards. That’s how a team plays. A team wins and loses together.
The nagging voice that says it’s his fault is still there in the back of his head, but it’s much quieter now. Nico’s thankful that his boyfriend knows exactly what he needs and when he needs it.
“Okay,” Nico says.
“Scooch over, so I can lay next to you.” Jack gently pushes at Nico’s chest.
Nico does as Jack says and moves back against the couch, allowing Jack to squeeze his smaller body into the space in front of him. Jack’s facing him, and he smiles softly in the low light of the room.
“I love you, you know that?”
“I love you, too.” Nico says, and he means it more than anything.