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"Gavin. Gaaaaav." Leo pressed his cold feet against the back of Gavin's knees and he swore sleepily into his pillow. "Gaviiiiinnnn."
"Christ, what the fuck you want, you brat...I was almost asleep, you know I gotta be up in 6 hours."
"Five and a half now." He turned over and snaked an arm out to pull Leo closer, grinning a little with his eyes closed when his boyfriend obligingly rolled towards him.
"Five and a half. That better not be all you wanted to tell me, jerk."
"Nah, assface. I was just laying here and realized I gotta change my will, like, you know the stupid shit I got in there?"
Blinking, Gavin wasn't sure if he needed to be fully awake for this conversation or not. "Back up a bit, babe. You have a will?" Gavin only wrote one after that gut shot had nearly taken him out five years ago, and even then mostly because Tina sicced Mama Chen on him.
"Yeah, Dad made me go and set it up when I was 18, something about responsibility and legacy-I thought it was bullshit and kinda morbid, so I didn't really pay attention." Snorting, Gavin squirmed forward until he was close enough to bury his face in Leo's messy hair.
"Course you didn't. Shit, tell me that wasn't your birthday present, a trip to some lawyer's office to talk about what to do with your stuff if you died."
"No, dumbass, even my dad isn't that lame. I got a car."
"Damn, really?" Then, a blip in Leo's three inch thick record tickled at the back of his mind and Gavin started grinning for real, "wait was that the car you were in when-"
"When my stupid stoned friend drove it onto one of the docks at the peer-I tried to stop him!"
"Yeah, by jerking the wheel around when he already had the front wheels a good two feet onto the dock-Darwin award winning decision making."
"Quit laughing, it's not that fucking funny." Leo tried to grab his pillow from under his head, possibly to smother him, and Gavin removed it from combat by chucking it on the floor.
"Hell it's not. You were drenched and freaking out about what your mom was gonna do to you, and then your stoned ass friend puked on your shoes. How'd I ever forget that?" And now that he had remembered it, how much shit could he give Leo without actually getting kicked out of his own bed?
"My dad still bitches about how I only kept the car for a year before wrecking it-and it was hardly my fault at all!"
Gavin hated to say anything that put him in agreement with Leo's mostly absent dad, but…"You let a stoner with no license drive your car. Pretty sus. How’s that not your fault again?"
"...you're lucky you can do that thing with your tongue."
"Uh-huh. I'm gonna crash now," and snuggling down into the pillow under his head-Leo's, but that's what he got for keeping him up-Gavin pulled his boyfriend to his chest like a teddy bear. "So, you, get with the shutting the fuck up."
"Hey, wait, I never told you about my will."
"If you don't can it and go to sleep, that will's gonna get read tomorrow. Ow! Abuse!" He nursed his smacked shoulder as Leo shifted to get comfortable in his new baby koala position with a smug expression.
"What kinda cop are you, huh? Threatening to murder your boyfriend."
"A statistically average one, probably." Lifting his head enough to let it fall back to the pillow with a thump, Gavin asked plaintively, "if I give you two minutes to tell me about your stupid will can I sleep after? Only got 5 and a half hours left, remember?"
"Closer to five now."
"I hate you." Patting Leo's ass where his hand had drifted down to it to take any sting out of the words, Gavin let his eyes fall shut again. But, shit, he knew what a spinning mind that wouldn’t let you sleep felt like as well as anybody, and letting Leo just lay there like that, or maybe not just lay there…
It'd been a long time now, since Gavin woke up to Leo gone and not knowing when or if he was coming home, not knowing how high he'd be next time he saw him. A long time. Gavin trusted him. It’d taken a long time, but they’d built all that up and shit. Leo’d turned his two year chip into a necklace/lanyard thing for him months ago, and you could bet your sweet ass that Gavin wore it every day.
But he wasn't tempting fate. "...So tell me about the stupid shit in your will."
"You know those tree grave things where they like grow a tree out of your ashes and shit?"
"Yeah?"
"So...that, but with a pot plant.” Gavin cranked his eyes open long enough to look at a sheepish Leo. “To be fair, the look on my dad’s face was amazing! And then the lawyer basically told him that yeah, it was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, but it wasn’t illegal and it was my will so it should have what I wanted in it. He was actually kinda cool.”
Gavin snorted, curling his face into the side of Leo’s neck as he laughed. “Oh my fucking Gaaawd…reason number one why 18 year olds shouldn’t have wills, terminal moron disease.”
“If it was terminal wouldn’t everyone die at eighteen?”
“Okay, fine, just fucking moron disease. Also, isn’t that from an ancient stoner movie? I feel like I watched that when Elijah went through his acid equals enlightenment phase-the dead guy came back and gave them test answers when they were stoned or some crazy shit like that.”
“Yeah. Not like I ever claimed to be that original.” Leo shrugged, “My dad’s a famous ass artist, my sort-of brother is a pacifist revolutionary, and I’m just a dude. I’ll poach ideas from movies if I want.”
“Sure. Okay, what other crap did you stick in there?” Leo hesitated. Which considering what he’d already told him, meant this was gonna be good. “C’mon, out with it or I’m going the fuck to sleep.”
“...I left a bunch of notebooks filled with raps to DJ Murder Baby.” If Gavin was a good person he would probably have bit his lip. Pretended that that wasn’t cringe as hell. Maybe told a story about some of the shit he got up to at 18. But Gavin was an asshole.
So he howled, head thrown back, well aware that Leo was looking at him with a bitch face, waiting for him to finish. It was taking a minute. Finally whooping in one breath and then another, not sure how sleeping was gonna be a thing now, he gasped out, “I’m fucking weak, Christ, babe, so weak I’m dead.”
“Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself. Anyway, those notebooks sorta got burned when I realized how shit they were, so probably time to change it.”
“Otherwise DJ Murder Baby might always wonder what kinda bangers he missed out on,”Gavin snickered.
“Hey, they were terrible, but if I’d kept it up, or you know, maybe written them sober they might not have been eventually. But that’s not the point…”
“Yeah?”
“Okay, this is gonna be corny as shit, but hear me out, alright? I, just, Levi’s gonna be eleven in a couple months, and like, I ain’t planning on dying anytime soon,” Leo looked into his eyes with his most earnest expression, and Gavin swallowed a little, because, no, so far the random middle of the night will talk hadn’t had his stomach clenching with that fear of Leo’s self destructive tendencies and what was at the back of them, had been too silly for that, but… “but you’re a cop, gonna be a sergeant soon, you aren’t gonna want a weed plant that’s also your dead boyfriend if I do go, and especially not with a kid in the place, and I, I’m not that stupid asshole anymore, I’m over doing shit just to get my dad’s attention, and…I’m not fucked up the way I was for so long. It’s over. I’m okay now, you know? And I don’t wanna be the 31 year old with a joke will. I wanna be the kind of guy that can pick Levi up from his friend’s places without their parents giving me the once over, like they aren’t sure why I’m the one doing it, or who can go with you to work shit like, I dunno, police benefits and Governor’s balls, and not have just my being there fuck up your chances for promotion. I, I wanna be something better.” Sucking in a deep breath, feeling touched, and angry that Leo was still doubting himself so much, and honored maybe, that he wanted to be there for shit he thought was important to Gavin, and scared that if he didn’t realize that he already had become that guy, that he’d already done everything he had to do by getting clean and staying that way, maybe Leo never would, Gavin rocked back against the force of Leo’s words.
Then he rolled them both over so Leo was underneath him with Gavin sprawled on top, their legs a tangled mess as he planted a hand on either side of Leo’s head and leaned down, not wanting him to miss a single word. “We’ve never had a ball or a dance at the 07, just office parties where everyone winds up smashed, and even if I make sergeant, I’m not the kinda guy that gets invited to governor’s balls or charity events, and I don’t wanna be. Fuck that noise. But,” and Gavin leaned in even closer now, scowling a little as Leo stared up at him wide eyed, “if I was and couldn’t get out of it and you think I wouldn’t have you and no one else there to make fun of all the stupid stuffy speeches with me, you’re fucking nuts. If any assholes had a problem with it, I’d make damn sure they knew they had a problem with me that was gonna dog them for a long, long time.” He kissed Leo, rough and reassuring, long, the kind of pressure he knew settled him, and pulled back enough to look right into his slightly dilated eyes, “You are that guy, Leo, you worked goddamned hard to get clean, and I’m so fucking proud of you. Anyone who looks at you and doesn’t see how far you’ve come, the shithole you drug yourself out of, doesn’t have an opinion worth fuck all. Not when it comes to you. You’re the most resilient fucker I know. I’m so proud of you.” It was Leo who kissed him then, surging up greedily, pushing into Gavin.
In the end, it was a lot less than five hours of sleep Gavin got before his alarm went off, silencing it before Leo could do more than scrunch up his nose and getting dressed by the closet light. But it was worth it-and no, not just for the amazing lay, though for being fucking exhausted he was in a pretty damn good mood. But maybe he didn’t tell Leo any of that enough-fuck, they were more likely to call the other asshole than sweetheart, and maybe that was as dysfunctional as some people said. Still.
Leaning over the bed, Gavin pulled up the sheet Leo had kicked most of the way off, pushed his hair off his forehead so he could peck it, grinning a little when his boyfriend muttered something in his sleep. There was a little drool on his chin.
Really, it wasn’t like Gavin’d ever expected to wind up not dysfunctional, had he? Leo hadn’t had any more of a chance than he had. Dysfunction was built into both of them, in their genetic code even. And somehow, someway, they’d still wound up pretty okay. Pretty happy. Maybe it wouldn’t last.
But he’d dug in his feet over shit a lot less important than this. Might as well be a stubborn asshole over something actually worth it this time.