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It’s been 15 years since our friendship start. We’re was bestfriends no one can separate us even for a minute, wherever I go, you will be there, whenever I had a problem you will be there to solve it, its liked we can’t function without each other that’s how everyone see us but for me it’s more like I can’t function well and feel totally useless without you. All I can do is relying to you, I don’t know what to do without you and that’s how I become totally dependent on you.
I spent all my 15 years with you that’s why how I supposed to do now? What if I didn’t do that? Will be still there for me? Will you be there to support me? There’s many what ifs coming to my mind but I still don’t know what would happen. Well at least I feel at ease now I’m no longer hiding myself in the dark and silently liking you there but then outcome of it feels me more miserably.
“Mew come on babe come on faster!” I stiffed when someone call your name. Yeah I know it’s you ‘cause there’s no other Mew here in our school. You’re the only Mew who makes everyone heart beats so fast. “You walk like a turtle” I don’t want to look back, I don’t want to see him with another girl it only makes my hurt ache.
That girl would probably your new girlfriend that doesn’t want us to see each other. It’s always like that whenever you had a girlfriend their afraid that will be met coincidence in the school because for sure you will leave them just to be with me your forever bestfriend. I think everyone that has feelings for you will feel at ease and happy if they know that you already broke and cut tie our friendship. No one will feel insecure again in our friendship and I will be back being alone again.
“Gulf you okay?” my seat mate asked me when I enter our room. I look at him and smile sadly, Tay knows what I feel for Mew even if I didn’t admit it he’s just good at making a hunch. Since that day happened Tay always there to ask if I was okay, I was doing good and how’s my day doing he knows that I’m gay by just observing me ”Don’t worry Tay I’m good” He looked at me sympathetically and nod his head.
A little confession makes us apart and sink our friendship just like that. It really makes my heart ache
“Gulf stop dozing, will you already stop thinking Mew it’s not healthy” I just smiled at Tay as my answered, my mind already know it but my heart won’t listen.
That day was just like today sunny and windy when I confessed.
---Flashback---
“Gulf let’s go we can’t be late at home the streaming of my favourite singer might end at any time I don’t want to miss it” Mew gently approach Gulf who’s walking slowly
“I know I know” Gulf said and smile at Mew and Mew was stunned of his smile that cause him unable to speak for a minute because of that Gulf heart throb so fast he expect that they have a mutual feelings, that Mew have feelings for him too.
“Mew” Gulf pulled Mew’s shirt and closed his eyes “There’s something that I want to say”
Mew look at him with worry eyes but he didn’t say anything, he wait what Gulf’s want to say
“I was enduring it a very long time, I don’t know when it start its just whenever I look to you there’s a feeling that I can explain, there’s a big fang in my heart it throbs so much to the point that it hurts. I don’t know what’s happening until one day I saw you and you girl Danna kissed, my mind go blank, tears automatically fall and heart beats so fast and I realized I was crying like a baby because of that scene. I don’t if you still remembered when I avoid you for weeks it was because of that. I was organizing my thoughts and thinking how will I face you without finding it out. That day I also realized what was this feeling that I felt for you.
“The reason why my heart ache whenever you had a girlfriend because I want it to be me, I want to be your special someone. I know being your bestfriend is already special but being looked you with love as man as lover is a different way. I love you Mew”
Gulf open his eyes but he wished that he never did it ‘cause he saw Mew’s eyes full of disbelief and disgust.
“G-gulf it’s just a joke right?” Mew feel nervous when Gulf didn’t answered him “Come on you’re just pranking me right? We always do it tho, joking around and making each us a fool”
“It’s true” Gulf whisper but Mew it.
Mew shake his head in disbelief “Gulf h-how come you become like that? You know I can’t accept that kind of behavior? I…. I don’t know any
more Gulf I’m not gay and I don’t want to have a gay friend. Even if you say you will forgot your feelings to me nothing will change you will be still gay and they’re a chance that your feelings will back.
“Let’s stop here don’t come to me anymore and even mention my name I don’t want to hear it came from your disgusting mouth! I can’t believe I been with a gay person with all over the years!
“Do me a favour don’t even appear in front of me!”
Gulf felt he was shot in his heart by a gun, his heart was hurts to much all he did was cry and looked at Mew’s back. Mew didn’t just reject it he was disgust by him too and most of all he cut tie to him.
---End of flashback---
“Gulf your tears” I back in reality when Tay said it. I didn’t notice my tears fall while remembering that day.
What if I didn’t confess to him what will happened to me? We will be still best of friends, I don’t know whether I will be depressed or felt happy because we’ve been friends for all over 15 years I thought I already know him enough but I’m wrong it’s the first time I saw him react like that.
It’s okay if he can’t accept my feelings but treating me like a dirt is a different level.