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Hell's Kitchen was always loud. Whether it was the ringing of gunshots, the chatter of people on the streets, or the engines of cars driving too fast, it was always loud. And Matt heard it all. All the guns, all the people, and all the cars.
Except now everything just seemed… quieter. Emptier without him around. Matt hated that he even noticed the man’s absence. He shouldn’t have cared, he should have been glad really. No more punisher running around making Matt’s life harder. But he was there. For some time he was just always there until suddenly he wasn’t.
It had only been a week, but a week was enough to alert Matt, causing him to think something might be wrong with Frank. He wasn’t his responsibility. Whether he was dead in an ally or had left Hell’s Kitchen for good shouldn’t have been any of his concern. But Matt had always had a hard time staying out of things, he just was never any good at it.
That night the cool air was crisp and bit at Matt’s cheeks as he traveled along the rooftops of the kitchen. Dressed in his suit, concealed under the darkness of the night, no one had known he was there until it was too late. Just like that Daredevil had taken out another handful of thugs, and took off again. It was too easy, they made it too easy.
Matt stopped when he landed upon a familiar apartment building he recognized from just the scent alone. He hadn’t ended up there on purpose, or maybe he had. Maybe he just couldn’t stay out of it, couldn’t stay away. He stood on the rooftop for too long. Listening to the sounds of the city, battling with himself on whether he would go inside. Eventually, the part of him full of bad ideas won, and he found himself climbing into Frank Castle’s shit hole apartment.
He slipped through the window gracefully and undetected, and he hated it because he knew it was stupid. He felt like a fucking teenager. The first thing Matt had remembered about Frank’s apartment was his dog, who was up and barking as soon as Matt set foot into the place. Matt acted on instinct, pulled his mask off his face, and offered a hand to the pitbull before he attacked. The dog quickly let his guard down when he recognized Matt’s face doubled with the familiar scent.
“Good boy” Matt muttered, and with a pat on the head, walked past the dog further into Frank’s apartment. It really was a shit hole, so much
so, all the clutter and garbage managed to catch Matt off guard, making his senses a little fuzzy. That’s why he didn’t hear Frank's slow heartbeat at first or smell the blood. However, when Matt entered the living room, the metallic scent attacked his senses and made him want to gag.
The feeling soon subsided when Matt was able to detect Frank. He could hear his heartbeat and feel the heat radiating off of him from where he was laying on the couch. Frank’s shallow breath indicated he was asleep, but Matt could tell the slumber wasn’t deep, and he hadn’t been out for long. Matt cursed himself as he did so, but he slowly moved towards the couch and placed a hand on Frank's shoulder. He shouldn’t get involved but Matt’s stupid moral compass told him he had to make sure he was okay. “Frank-“
Frank sat up with a jolt and was already reaching for the gun on the coffee table before he even looked to see who had awoken him. The gun was in his hands when he saw the man not even two feet away from him. “Red?” He spoke, his voice laced with surprise as he blinked and adjusted to the dark light, lamp-lit room.
Matt only nodded, unsure of how to explain himself at that very moment.
“Jesus Christ Red, what the hell? I could have shot you!” Frank groaned, rubbing a hand to his eyes. He then loosened a bit and placed his handgun back on the table where he had found it.
“I’m sorry, you looked kind of dead.” Matt sat down next to Frank on the couch now and shrugged. “Also it’s not that easy to shoot me, don’t worry.”
Frank grunted at the comment and reached to grab the open bottle of whisky that had been sitting on the coffee table. After the man had taken a sip, he turned to Matt “what are you doing here anyway?”
Matt didn’t know the answer to that. That’s what he kept asking himself actually. Why was he here? Why the hell did he care? “I haven’t seen you in a week… thought you might be dead.”
“Well, here I am.” Frank huffed, and moved to get up off the couch, however, the second he pushed himself up, he cried out in pain and was back where he started.
That’s when Matt realized the extent of Frank’s injuries. He was so focused on the potent scent of blood, that he hadn’t actually concentrated to find where it was coming from. Now though, Matt could hear where the blood was rushing and throbbing under his skin. Frank had multiple cuts to the face and blood running from his nose, but most importantly, something that Matt sensed to be a hole in the side of his torso. Frank had been shot.
The actual bullet was gone, which Matt could only assume was a good sign, and the major bleeding had stopped, although it was still an open hole that needed stitching. Matt guessed that Frank had probably passed out before he could get to it. That and it was in a tough spot to stitch yourself anyway.
“Jesus Frank, you look like hell.”
Matt heard Frank huff the smallest sound of laughter and could almost sense his lips turn upwards. “You’re blind Red.”
Matt chose to ignore Frank’s comment. “Shut up. Where’s your first aid kit?”
“You gonna play doctor on me Red?”
Matt couldn’t tell if he was doing it right, but he turned his head towards Frank and tried his best to glare at the man.
This seemed to work, because Frank took another sip on the bottle in his hand, before gesturing out of the living room. “Cabinet under the bathroom sink.”
Matt returned shortly, first aid kit in hand along with some rags to clean him up. He soon retook his place on the couch next to Frank. “Take off your shirt.”
Frank was going to make a comment but realized it was probably better not to be an asshole to the man who was going to be holding a needle to him, so he followed instructions, and gingerly peeled the black shirt over his shoulders.
After Frank’s shirt was off, Matt used his mouth to pull his gloves off his hands and open the first aid kit. Gently, he moved a hand to Frank's body, so he could locate the injury. His hand was somehow cold and it made Frank shiver slightly at the touch.
Matt made quick work of the stitches, having enough experience working on himself to know what he was doing. Frank complained every once and a while when Matt pulled the string closed, but Matt simply shushed him and kept going. Other than that it was quiet. The only thing Matt could hear was the steady breath of Frank, and for some reason, he found it oddly comforting.
When the man had finished closing Frank's wound, he ruffled through the first aid box until he found gauze and tape, finishing fixing up the bullet hole. Matt stayed seated behind Frank, and when the man turned around, he could feel his warm breath on his cheeks. At that moment, Matt didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay there, that close to Frank for as long as he could. And he hated it.
But Matt snapped out of it, when the smell of blood, still prominent in the air, brought him back to his senses. “Your face is covered in blood.” He spoke, almost as a complaint, before he grabbed the damp rag in hand. Gently, Matt brought it to Frank’s face, wiped at the blood under his nose, and tuning from the places where his skin had been split open.
When Frank's face was removed of most of the blood, he was the one to finally move away and break the silence. “I’m all fixed up now Red, no reason for you to stay here.”
He was right. There wasn’t. Matt came to make sure Frank was still alive at the least. He ended up putting Frank back together, with a needle and fishing line. He had done more than enough. But there was that stupid moral code again. Telling him he wasn’t done, that he couldn’t leave. Because he knew Frank wasn’t okay.
The smell of his breath and the beating of his heart told Matt that he had been drinking, even before Matt had woken him up. His apartment was a complete mess, and he had been gone for a week only to be found slowly bleeding out on his couch. The man was not okay.
Matt couldn’t go. He wished he could just get up and leave, but he couldn’t. Instead, he spoke. “You’ve been gone for a week… where?”
Frank was quiet. He looked forward at the wall behind the small tv and licked his dry lips. Then he spoke. “Why do you care so much?” Frank was getting irritated now. He had let Matt come in here and stitch him up, but he could sense Matt was trying to fix him, and he didn’t need that.
“I don’t.” It was a lie. Matt was thankful that Frank couldn’t hear his heart like he could hear Frank’s because then he would have known. He would have heard Matt’s heart rate increase when he answered. “I just want to know if the psycho killer in Hell’s Kitchen is gone for good so I can sleep easy.”
Frank laughed at that. Actually laughed. Matt didn’t know why, he couldn’t tell. Maybe because he knew Matt was lying, knew that his answer was so much more than that. Either way, the sound that came out of Frank’s mouth was rare and Matt wasn’t used to hearing it. Wasn’t prepared for how much he liked it.
“Probably would’ve been if a nosy guy in a red suit didn’t sneak through my window.” When Frank spoke this time, most of the lightness of the laugh was gone. He sounded serious now, almost angry. Like Frank had been doing something and Matt came and messed it up.
Matt’s heart flipped in his chest as he put the pieces together. “Frank were you-“
“Doesn’t matter.” Frank interrupted, stopping Matt before he couldn’t finish his thought. Ask if Frank was letting himself bleed out on that couch, ask if Frank knew he was going to die and just didn’t care.
The man grabbed for the bottle of alcohol once again, but Matt acted first and snatched it from the table before Frank could take it. Frank turned to complain, but Matt was already off the couch and finding a place to store it in the kitchen.
“When's the last time you slept… like really slept?” Matt blurted from the kitchen, on his way back to the couch. The question was out of the blue, but not unprecedented. True that Matt couldn’t see Frank, but he could imagine the bags under his eyes, hear the gruffness of his voice, the falter in his heartbeat if not from pure exhaustion alone.
Frank shook his head, a curt laugh escaping his lips “Jesus Red, what is this an integration?”
Matt didn’t respond because he knew arguing with the man wouldn’t get them anywhere. Instead, he stared at Frank, telling him he was serious without having to use any words.
There was something about the way Matt looked at him without even seeing him. Something about the way that Matt just knew, almost made Frank’s heart flutter.
He sighed because he couldn’t argue with Matt and he knew it. “I-I don’t know… a week?” he spoke as he tried to recall all the times he had slept in the recent past. But the truth was, Frank never got good sleep. Not since that day at the park, not since what happened to his family.
Frank’s heart rate spiked and Matt knew he was lying. He shook his head but didn’t push the truth. All he knew is that Frank could benefit from a little bit of sleep.
Suddenly, Matt moved from his spot behind the couch, and over to the armchair across from it. He sat down and placed each of his arms on the rest of the chair. “Then sleep, you need it.”
“What? I ain’t gonna go to sleep with you watching me like that.”
“Well, I’m not leaving until you do.” Matt was stubborn and left no room for Frank to disagree with him.
Frank rolled his eyes, and even though Matt couldn’t see it, he had a pretty good idea Frank was doing it. “You’re impossible, you know that?”
Matt only huffed and crossed his arms against his chest, leaving Frank no choice but to lay down on the couch, putting his head on the armrest. He sighed, and glanced at the man in red once more, before he shut his eyes, and went to sleep.
Matt must have drifted off to sleep sometime after he heard Frank's even breath and steady heartbeat, confirming his slumber. When he awoke, he was wearing his suit, unzipped, the top half now hanging over his hips, revealing a tight black t-shirt. He hadn’t really remembered taking it off, however, he didn’t get to think about it, because the next thing that happened was Frank screaming and Matt rushing to his side.
“NO NO NO NOOO-” Frank had bolted up from the couch, yelling and looking all around him to figure out where he was. His heart was pounding and his hand was grabbing Matt’s arm, harder than he probably realized.
The dog had begun barking soon after he heard the screams, and all the noise made Matt’s head pound, but he didn’t notice, he was only focused on one thing. “Frank- Frank it’s okay, it’s just me. It’s Matt.” Matt spoke in a steady calming voice instinctively moving a hand to Frank’s bare chest to steady him. He didn’t even realize it was happening until he could feel the warmth of Frank’s skin underneath his hand.
Frank didn’t seem to notice. He was too focused on trying to take a breath, which he managed to do even if it only helped a little. His breathing started to regulate, and he looked to realize that Matt was in front of him, which seemed to help ground him.
“Matt-“ Frank spoke breathlessly, as his eyes focused on the man who was crouched in front of him. It was probably the first time Frank had ever called Matt by his first name and not the nickname he used for him. Frank didn’t notice, but Matt did.
More aware of his surroundings, Frank realized he was grabbing Matt’s arm and let go. His eyes drifted to the hand on his chest, however, Matt removed it quickly, after noticing he was still touching Frank. Matt didn’t say anything at first. He didn’t want to push. Instead, he pushed himself off of his knees. He moved into the kitchen, riffled around in some cabinets, and grabbed a glass once he found where it was located. He walked back to the living room cup of water in hand.
Frank was now sitting upright on the couch. He had managed to pull his black, blood-stained shirt back over his body, and his elbows rested on his knees, his head caught by his hands. Noticing Matt’s presence, he brought his head up and ran his fingers through his buzzed hair.
Matt had sat on the coffee table, just across from Frank, and handed him the glass when he looked up. “Here.”
Frank nodded his thanks, before taking the glass. He hadn’t realized how dry his throat was until he actually felt liquid pouring down it, and felt grateful for the water in his hands.
They sat in silence for a minute longer as Frank took small sips of the water. Finally, Matt spoke up, “what happened?”
Frank shook his head, another hand going over his face, almost as if he was trying to wipe the sleep from it. “It’s this dream- I always have the same goddamn dream.”
That was probably the first genuine thing Frank had told him since Matt had got there. Matt only nodded. It was easy enough to assume that something like what Frank went through would cause nightmares.
The dream itself, however, he didn’t press it. Figured that Frank would tell him if he wanted to. And for some reason… he did.
“That day- the day at the carousel… they were happy. Maria, the kids, me, we were all happy. The kids were too old for the stupid ponies, and it was crowded and hot, but we were happy.” Frank looked away, a chuckle escaping his lips. However, this sound wasn’t usual laughter, no. It was crude as if Frank was laughing at how unfair the world was.
“And that’s where I go back too. Back to that laughter, that happiness. And then it’s ripped away from me. I watch them get taken away from me over and over again. But I got used to it because you can get used to the pain. It’s time that really hurts you. Every time I close my eyes I watch it happen over and over and over again… and sometimes you can’t help but wonder if everything would be easier if you just didn’t wake up at all.” Frank continued. He wasn’t looking at Matt, but out the window watching the lights of the city flicker in the distance. Even if Matt couldn’t see him, even if Frank knew that he couldn’t face the man. He knew that if he did, all the tears he had been trying to hold back would undoubtedly spill over and he couldn’t risk that.
“Frank I-“ Matt opened his mouth to speak. He wanted to say something, say anything to just try and comfort Frank. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to say, and everything that he thought of saying somehow fell short of anything that would be helpful at that moment.
The walls that Frank had let down instantly put themselves back up. “Matt, Don’t-“ Frank spoke, saving Matt from having to speak after all. He knew what Matt was trying to do. He felt sorry for him, he wanted to say something but he didn’t know what. No one ever did. “Why don’t you just go home Red yeah?”
Matt tensed up and turned to Frank. He should leave, he really should just leave. Because he didn’t care. He didn’t care whether Frank lived or died. But that wasn’t true. God he wished it was. But it wasn’t. Matt felt Frank build back his defense, and attempted to speak “Frank I was just trying to “
“I don’t need your help, and I definitely don't want your sympathy okay?” It came out louder than it should have, more forceful than Frank meant for it to sound. And it wasn’t like him. Not like him to just break and say something without thinking about it first. But his heart was racing, and Matt being there wasn’t helping Frank think clearly.
Matt didn’t know what to do at first. So he sat there for a second, until he sighed, pushed himself up, and was heading back to the window where he came from. But just as Matt made it past the living room, he stopped. “You know what? No.” He spoke, turning back around to face Frank on the couch. He was angry now. “What is your problem? You act all high and mighty like you can do it all yourself. Deal with all the pain, all the suffering yourself, but guess what Frank? You’re doing a pretty shitty job of it.”
The other man just scoffed. “I never asked you to come here and do… whatever it is that you’re trying to do for me.”
“Even then you won’t let me, you won’t even let me talk to you! And why? Why can’t you even think about the fact that someone might actually care about you!”
It wasn’t what Matt meant to say, and certainly wasn’t what he wanted to say. But it came out. He wasn’t even sure of it himself until he said it. It was always something he tried to ignore, push away until it was out in the open standing right in between him and Frank.
Frank’s heart skipped a beat. Matt couldn’t see him, but he heard that. Nothing more came from Frank, but Matt heard shuffling coming from the couch, a couple of groans, and footsteps. Seconds later, Frank was standing in front of him, he could feel the heat radiating off of him. Matt stood still, for the first time in a long time, not expecting someone’s movements. He didn’t know what Frank was going to do. Maybe Frank didn’t even know what he was going to do.
The man stood inches away from Matt, close enough for them to feel each other's breath. Matt was going to say something. He never got a chance. Frank’s lips were on his before he could even open his mouth. There was a second where Matt stood still, shocked and unsure of what to do. And then, all at once, everything kicked in. He opened his mouth and kissed him back.
As Matt pushed back into the kiss, and he felt Frank's hands snake onto his hips, everything was on fire. His ears were buzzing and his head was spinning, but he didn’t care. Frank pulled back and Matt instantly missed his lips. But he took a much-needed breath, as did Frank before he moved his line of sight back to Matt.
He was breathing heavily from the kiss, and his heart was beating fast, but he kept his focus on Matt. “Because every time someone cares about me they end up getting hurt and I… I can’t lose you too Red.”
There it was again. The truth. Frank’s heartbeat was completely steady as he spoke, not daring to waver even a little. Matt could feel his cheeks heat up, his heart beating so hard it might beat right out of his chest. But then he pulled back. Composed himself, and took a breath.
“No- no you can’t just do that.” Matt stumbled over his words as he tried to get a hold of himself, and continued to be mad at Frank. However, he was finding it hard to be mad at the man who had just given him the best kiss of his life.
Frank was confused by the suddenness of Matt’s actions and scrunched his eyebrows. “Do what?”
“Do this” Matt motioned with his hands “kiss me, look at me like that, try to pretend that you weren’t just a complete asshole.”
A small smirk found its way onto Frank's slips, a kind of adoring smile, but at the same time one that was holding in a chuckle. “You can’t see the way I look at you.”
“I can still feel it.” Matt didn't find this half as funny as Frank apparently did. He was still pissed, despite Frank’s actions.
Frank sighed. “Okay I was an ass-“
“You’re still an ass,” the other man interrupted.
He tried hard to fight off the urge of rolling his eyes. “I’m still an ass, but my family was taken from me because they were close to me. I was the reason they were killed, do you get that? It was my fault. I can’t let that happen to you Red. I won’t let it happen.”
Matt just scoffed “So what? Your plan is to push me away? Make me hate you so you lose me anyway. I thought you were at least smarter than that Frank.”
Frank honestly didn’t know what to say to that. Matt had finally said something that he didn’t immediately have a response to. So Matt just shook his head and reached out an arm. “Come here.”
Frank reluctantly took a step forward. Their bodies were pressed close, Frank leaning down to place another kiss on Matt's lips. It wasn't as passionate, just a soft kiss full of more emotion than Frank thought he could produce.
They separated, Matt, bringing his hand up to place on Frank's cheek. "This may come as a surprise to you, but I can handle myself. Whatever it is that you're scared of coming after me? I can handle it. We can handle it, together. That's the point of loving someone, Frank. You'll do whatever it takes to be with them. I want that with you."
Frank froze for a second but then relaxed with a small smile on his face. Matt felt the movement but didn’t register what it meant until he thought about what he said. “Did you just confess your love for me, Matty?” He asked, in almost a teasing tone.
Matt rolled his eyes “I swear to god Frank, just quit while you’re ahead.” But he couldn’t deny the smile that was creeping onto his lips as well.
“Red?”
Matt looked up as a hand moved to the bottom of his chin. “Yeah?”
“I want that with you too.”