Chapter Text
When Kai returns home (to Aichi’s home), he’s greeted to the sight of Aichi working on his laptop, wearing his university’s sweatshirt and an old pair of gym shorts. In that moment, Kai doesn’t care that Aichi’s mom and sister could be anywhere in the house, he doesn’t care that he just got over a mental breakdown, he doesn’t care that Aichi is going to be filled with righteous fury when he finds out that Kai broke his promise - Aichi looks so cute, so comfortable, so beautiful, he just wants to take him right there. They aren’t even very physically intimate, both of them too embarrassed with chaste kissing half the time - but Kai is so raw right now, and Aichi’s presence engulfs him with warmth and light -
He crosses the boundary, and, without announcing his presence, leans down to the couch, peppering Aichi’s jaw with kisses. Aichi gasps, jumping out of his seat and almost throwing his laptop across the room. “Toshiki-kun-!”
“I’m home.” He whispers, as if Aichi’s mom couldn’t come walking down the hallway at any moment. The phrase melts his brain to Aichi-loving mush, so he repeats: “I’m home.”
“And so is my mom -” Aichi hisses against Kai’s ear, and it sends shivers down his spine. His voice is saccharine when he suggests, “Let’s go upstairs, okay?”
All of the oxygen that was in Kai’s lungs left him in an instant. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”
Kai doesn’t release his hand from Aichi’s, even when he’s closing and locking Aichi’s door. As soon as he hears the click, he practically throws himself on his partner, his fiance, the love of his life. They fall onto Aichi’s bed with a thump, and Aichi rubs his thumbs across Kai’s cheeks. Surely he knows what Kai is doing, and Kai prays he doesn’t comment on it, because he doesn’t want to have two meltdowns in one day after years of going without.
“Toshiki-kun,” Aichi prompts, searching Kai’s eyes for an answer Kai doesn’t want him to find. After a moment, Aichi sighs. Kai can’t figure out if it’s from disappointment or relief (he knows which it is, he doesn’t want to acknowledge it). “Kiss me.”
Kai obliges, of course, pressing their lips together in a frenzy. Kai can’t think of any other time they’ve been this passionate. Kisses on the cheek make them both blush, when Aichi leans on Kai in public Kai has to focus on breathing normally, the only thing they actually do in public is hold hands – but many couples are private in public, at least in Japan, so it’s normal, right? It’s only normal for Kai to want to indulge in private every once in a while.
Aichi is enjoying it, letting little noises of encouragement out when he notices Kai retreat inside his mind. They only part when they need to take gasps of air, and Kai’s heart skips many, many, many beats when Aichi’s flushed face and glassy eyes take him in with a look of nothing but adoration.
“I love you,” Kai whispers, shivering with embarrassment and anticipation. “I don’t tell you that enough.”
Aichi tilts his head and giggles. “You call us mates, years after Legion has dominated the meta. I know that you love me.”
Kai huffs. “I should tell you more. I love you.”
Aichi’s face starts to heat up even more. “I love you, too.”
“Can I kiss you again?”
When Aichi nods, Kai doesn’t waste any time. He takes Aichi’s bottom lip between his teeth ever so slightly and tugs, grinning when Aichi digs his nails into Kai’s upper arm. Kai isn’t skilled at intimacy, Aichi is the first person he’s done anything remotely physical with, but Kai can’t help being tempted to push the limits right now. It’s so embarrassing, it makes him want to curl up and die, but at the same time, he doesn’t ever want to stop.
Aichi’s hand trails at the bottom of Kai’s shirt and sneaks underneath. His hand trails over a scar that Aichi and he have both memorized, and his thumb strokes the outline. Aichi is always like this when they’re close. So kind, so loving, accepting all of his ugly parts…
You were their burden. Their regret.
Kai’s breath gets caught on the events of earlier in the day. He swallows the lump in his throat and lowers his aim to Aichi’s jaw. Hopefully Aichi won’t notice the way his breaths shorten and his hands start to quiver – it can all be blamed on the heat of the moment.
Of course, Aichi knows him better than that. He pulls his hands out from Kai’s shirt and places them on his back. “Are you feeling okay?”
Kai doesn’t move from Aichi’s jaw. He whispers, “I’m fine. I am just really in love with you.”
“Toshiki-kun…” Kai can’t decipher Aichi’s tone. He knows this is unusual for him, but please, Aichi, let me forget about my transgressions for a little longer. “It’s okay to be uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable,” Kai states. “You’re radiant. You’re wonderful. I want you, I love you.”
Kai’s face heats up to the nth degree at the shiver that he feels wrack Aichi’s whole body. Still, Aichi persists. “I love you, too, and I love being loved by you, but I can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong.”
Kai sits up at that. He knows that it’s because Aichi knows him like the back of his hand, but the phrasing makes his skin prickle. “You get the feeling that something’s wrong when I start making out with you?”
His partner flinches and Kai immediately regrets it. But it’s too late now, he’s too raw from his uncle’s words and from reliving his familial trauma. His insecurities are coming back to haunt him, and he promised Aichi he would be better than this. “You know that’s not what I mean.” Kai distantly remembers the Aichi from when they first reunited, who took all of Kai’s insults and believed them. The Aichi standing in front of him now isn’t shirking back, he’s fixing him with a stare that is patient, kind, but demands the truth. “What happened, Toshiki-kun?”
He can’t meet such a genuine gaze. His eyes drop to Aichi’s bedding. He notices that Aichi’s hands fell to his sides at Kai’s harsh words. He wants to apologize, to say he didn’t mean it and take Aichi’s hands in his own where they belong. Instead, he cowardly confesses his sin: “I went to my uncle’s home today.”
Aichi gasps. Kai has no idea what’s going on inside Aichi’s head right now and he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to hear the moment when Aichi realizes that Kai is just too much and that he’ll never be the person Aichi needs. “Why…? Why would you do that?” Aichi’s voice is strained.
“I haven’t really thought about my parents in a long time. Then, when we started planning our wedding, I realized that they weren’t going to be there. I know that your family is now my family, but…” Kai takes a breath, still afraid to look Aichi in the eyes. “I…I’ve missed my parents for so long. I wanted to have something from their wedding at our wedding. And all of their possessions are at my uncle’s home.”
Silence hangs low over their heads. Kai refuses to raise his eyes, tension and guilt weighing on him like a ton of boulders. What is Aichi thinking right now? He must be angry with him for betraying their promise. He must be furious, thinking that Kai thought Aichi was incapable of helping him. He’s definitely disappointed in him, and worst of all, Aichi thinks that Kai is capable of more than the pathetic man that sits before him.
“Toshiki.” Kai’s head snaps up at hearing his name without an honorific, and that tone he hasn’t heard from Aichi in a long time. It’s that desperation, that agony, that despair he remembers when he was face-to-face with the Aichi that had taken on Link Joker on his own, thinking it was his only choice to keep the world safe. He hates that the only person who has ever evoked such deep-seated pain from Aichi is himself. “Why would you do that? Why?”
Kai bites his lip. How much agony is Aichi in right now, all because Kai couldn’t keep up the facade of a good person? “I’m sorry.” The apology feels like dirt, because that’s all it’s worth. It won’t change what Kai has done, it won’t change who Kai is.
“You didn’t tell me,” Aichi cries. “Did you tell anyone?”
“No.”
Aichi laughs, but it sounds more like a sob. “Of course you didn’t.”
Kai’s heart drops into his stomach. Had Aichi expected this from him all along? “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re kind, and you always consider everyone else’s feelings instead of your own.” Aichi hiccups. “No matter what could happen to you, you’d rather carry your own traumas rather than consider that your fiance wants to be there for you.”
You were their burden. I hope whoever’s tied to you will figure that out before it’s too late.
“I’m not a kind person.” Kai chokes out, trying not to cry. He can’t cry right now. It’s his own fault Aichi is crying. “I selfishly tried to claim material possessions that I thought I had a right to, and worst of all, I’ve betrayed our promise and made you worry.”
Aichi is silent for a moment before cupping Kai’s face in his hands. He didn’t force him to hold eye contact, but Kai tries his best regardless. It’s painful to watch fresh tears fall from his (maybe) fiance’s face. “An unkind person wouldn’t react like you are right now.” Aichi takes a deep breath. “I have to admit, I’m angry. But I haven’t been betrayed. You never got to mourn your parents, and you’re still working through your uncle’s abuse. I…understand why you did what you did.”
For some reason, it stings more to hear Aichi’s understanding as opposed to Aichi lashing out. “I should have told you. I wanted to tell you, but I also really didn’t want to tell you.”
“You shouldn’t strive to be a perfect person. You don’t need to beat yourself up for not telling me,” Aichi says softly. “You don’t have to tell me everything. But this was something really, really important.”
Kai can only nod numbly.
Aichi’s hands finally reach back down to entwine in Kai’s. Aichi’s gaze falls. “He could have hurt you.”
“He didn’t.”
“That doesn’t make whatever he said or did to you today okay.”
“I know.”
“Don’t believe whatever he said about you.”
“I don’t.”
“Toshiki-kun.”
“I don’t!”
Aichi smiles, though it’s still pained. “This is why I want you to tell me these things. So I can build you up instead of letting you believe all of the hurtful, false ideas he’s planted in your brain.”
“I don’t want to believe him,” Kai confesses, feeling like a heretic for letting that thought enter the earth. “I want to believe you.”
“Then believe me, because I’m right.” Aichi reaches up to place a gentle kiss on Kai’s cheek. “We’re both new to all of this life-long partnership stuff. We’re both going to slip up. But it’s how we react after the fact that matters.”
“That doesn’t make it okay for me to break our promise, or to hurt you.”
“It doesn’t, but…” Aichi considers for a few moments. “It hurts because you’re hurting yourself. I know it wasn’t a slight against me.”
“You’re too forgiving.” Kai says, though the idea of Aichi not forgiving him would be the end of his existence altogether.
“You’re too hard on yourself.” Aichi replies. “I forgive you because I love you. This is love. Carrying on through all of the trials and the pain.”
Kai hopes that he can become half as mature and loving as Aichi and the rest of their friends have become. “I love you so much, Aichi Sendou. You’re the only one I want to be with, now and forever.”
“I should hope so, since we’re getting married.” Aichi jokes, and Kai lets himself laugh. The sight of Kai laughing makes Aichi laugh, too, as they both shed the lingering tears. By the end of it, they’re leaning their foreheads against each other.
Kai stares in the eyes of his partner, his mate, his soulmate, for a few silent moments before asking once again, “Can I kiss you?”
“I would love nothing more, Toshiki Kai.”