Chapter Text
People always liked to compare Bapak to the sun — golden, gorgeous, and glowing. He's the light that guided Alec from the darkness, some would even comment. They would look at his clothes and his jewelry and compare him to a bright spring day. Others still would look at Bapak's eyes and make the same connection.
Those same people would then look at Papa and think this is Magnus' moon. He follows where Magnus treads and glows because Magnus shines his light upon him. Cold and subdued like winter, with a ruthlessness revealed to anyone that dared to cross him and his family. No one argued that there was a darkness and harshness to Alec that only Magnus ever seemed to soothe, as evidenced by every moment the world saw the Inquisitor soften his gaze or stance for his husband.
These were people who didn't know them well, Rafael came to realize as he grew older.
Because to compare Bapak to the sun and Papa to the moon was to forget that neither had true need for each other. It was to forget that Bapak had darkness within that only Papa had been willing to face when he'd asked Uncle Simon to turn him into a vampire when they didn't know how he could follow Bapak to Edom. It was to ignore the truth that Papa had walked away from Lydia Branwell of his own volition. It was to disregard that the sun and moon mattered most only to those on earth, who looked to the sun and saw a new day, and to the moon an ending. And yet in reality, someday the sun will explode and take everything with it.
And hadn't that been what had happened in the end?
Rafael looked at this Alec Lightwood and knew that he would never be the sun that his Papa had been — not to Magnus or the people around them . His parabatai had not died and been resurrected. There would be nothing Asmodeus could exploit of their bond and he wouldn't self-destruct the way Papa had, taking his own Moon and his sons' futures with him.
Because really, how could they be anything else? No one that knew Magnus would deny that he was the moon, always reflecting the light shone upon him and glowing with the love that Alec had showered him with. For all the beauty and importance placed upon the sun, it was the moon that plucked at the ocean's waves and granted everyone reprieve from the heat, just as Magnus has always ensured his family (and that included the various people he'd come to call his children before even Papa or Rafe or Max) had a place in his home and time to rest and just be .
It was in the loft that he and Max shed the weight of their fathers' names and became just Max and just Rafe. They were just two boys lucky enough to be taken in by the best people.
How distant those times now seemed.
And how impossible it would now be for the Rafael and Max of this dimension — should they ever pop up at all.
"Ray," Max calls out, snapping him out of his reverie.
So if Bapak were the moon and Papa the sun, Rafe knew he and Max were water and land, forming and reforming over and over as they continued to move and grow with each other. Even here, in a world no longer theirs as they waited for their wayward father, they continue to balance each other out.
He reaches out and grasps the sleeve of Max's shirt. Without a word, Max steps into his space and pulls him into a hug. Standing at roughly the same height, it's easy for Rafe to bury his face in Max's shoulder. How far they've come from the little boys that Bapak and Papa had saved.
Back then, Rafe had entered a family Max had already been with for nearly a year. As they grew up, Rafe had taken more of an older brother role, not just because he was older than Max, but because he wanted to be able to return the same amount of care and love and kindness their parents had shown him by taking care of their little blueberry.
And it was great.
He learned to be a good son, a dependable older brother, and a steadfast parabatai; standing tall and ready to defend anyone who made fun of Max's skin and horns, upholding the Lightwood-Bane legacy of bringing their world into a future where everyone is accepted, and training to be worthy of Headship. Ironically, Rafe's life had been planned out from the moment he had heard his Papa talk to Bapak about not wanting to pressure either Rafe or Max about following in their footsteps. How could the boys want to be like anyone other than their fathers? While neither wanted to be High Warlock or Inquisitor per se, they both wanted to continue the work that their family began. They wanted to make sure that the steps toward equality under the eyes of the law remained. They wanted to ensure that the next generation saw the Downworld as friends, family — partners .
"Do you want to go home?" Max asks over the booming sounds of Pandemonium. He has a hand on Rafe's nape, and the other, Rafe knows from experience, is tucked casually in his pocket. The position is secure enough that Rafe can feel Max's comforting presence, but open enough that he doesn't feel constricted. It's much the same way Bapak would hold Papa when he was feeling particularly emotional, or even Uncle Jace when he'd sobbed all over Bapak after finally dealing with the shadowhunter that had dared to order an assassination attempt at Papa. It speaks of safety and home.
"I'll be okay." Rafe pulls away slowly, letting his senses take everything in once again. He breathes in deeply and closes his eyes.
One second, Thylane is at his back, fending off one demon after the other. The next, he hears her gasp and feels a searing pain in his chest.
He turns just in time to catch her, looking at the red-fletched arrow sticking out from her chest, the blood seeping through her clothes, and the way she attempts to reach up to hold his face. His tears fall before he even notices that he's stopped paying attention to the horde they'd been fighting. The pain in his chest remains as he babbles near incoherently to Thylane.
"Hey, hey, you can't do this, Tilly," he hisses. "You can't leave me — not like this."
"Entreat me not to leave thee," she manages between gurgled blood.
"Or to return from following after thee," Rafe sobs.
"For whither thou goest, I will go." Her words are barely recognizable, but they know their oath like the back of their hands. It's embedded into their very souls.
"And where thou lodgest, I will lodge."
Knowing (and hating) that this would be the last moment they would have in this life, Rafe murmurs the next lines with Thylane. "Thy people will be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried. The Angel do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me."
She doesn’t manage to finish everything, but it's enough. (It's not.)
“NO!” Rafe hears Max snarl, though the sound barely registers .
His knees buckle as he looks down at his parabatai, eyes staring blankly ahead. The world as he knows it has been severely altered in the span of a few seconds.
The very same accuracy that Rafe had admired his father for now mocked him as the arrow stuck out from between Thylane's ribs, having pierced her heart. He lifts a trembling hand to close her eyes, unable to even fathom the very same eyes he's long loved as part of his soul no longer containing the vibrant energy he had always associated with her. As his fingers graze her cheekbone, he catches sight of the now silver parabatai rune through his blurry tear-filled gaze.
The tears fall without prompt, and he looks up just in time to hear Alec, cry out, “Magnus! Magnus—”
Rafe watches as Max is held back by Uncle Enzo, and as Alec cradles Bapak’s dead body. Around them, powerful magic coalesces. Even without being a warlock, Rafe can tell there's something about to happen. He just isn't sure if it's because of Max, Bapak or Uncle Enzo. A portal appears behind Alec then, and Rafe hurriedly lets go of Thylane and stands, unwilling to let Alec get away with Bapak's body. Uncle Andy grabs him around the waist immediately. He and Max scream out for Bapak.
"Let me go!" Rafe snarls, trying to grip Uncle Andy's arms to pry him off, but finding his hands slipping with both ichor and blood covering it. Thylane's blood, his mind reminds him. "He can't get away with this." He thinks he's found his way out of his uncle's grip, but it soon becomes evident that Uncle Andy had activated his Strength Rune in order to keep him at bay.
"Rafe," Uncle Andy whispers as the portal closes. "You can't go after him. You don't know where that portal's going and you know your Bapak wouldn't have wanted you to be so rash."
He flinches at the mention of Bapak. The fight leaves him in an instant, and he finally turns his attention to his little brother, whose blue skin glows with the magic surrounding himself and Uncle Enzo. The latter is whispering furiously into Max's ear, and it's all Rafe can do to shrug out of Uncle Andy's hold and straighten his posture.
"Josie, call this in." Rafe says, stepping right into the shoes of a shadowhunter that's been trained to lead. "Let the Institute know all the demons have been terminated and that there were two casualties in the fight." He kneels down to hold one of his parabata's hands in both of his. "Thylane Starkwright died protecting her people and fulfilling our mission." Leaning over, he presses a kiss to the top of her head and presses their foreheads together in a move they've done countless of times. "Ave atque vale, my parabatai," he whispers before standing back up.
Max's eyes are filled with tears as his magic finally flows back into him and he meets Rafe's gaze. Uncle Enzo remains vigilant at his side though, aware of how volatile the situation is. Rafe swallows the lump in his throat, knowing things are only going to get much worse before he can even consider the possibility of things getting better.
"The High Warlock of Alicante is dead." He keeps eye contact with Uncle Enzo, knowing that if he looks back at Max, he's sure to unravel. "High Warlock Rey," he says before clearing his throat. "I shall leave it to you to inform the Spiral Labyrinth. I shall report the same to the Consul myself, as well as a formal petition for Alexander Lightwood-Bane to be declared a rogue, to have him stripped of his position as the Inquisitor, and to be permitted to hunt him down."
"Rafael," Josie whispers, concern evident in her tone. She's five years younger than him, Uncle Jace and Aunt Clary's oldest, and has always loved to tag along with Max and Rafe whenever she could get away with it as children. He can see the way she takes a step towards him, but even the notion of physical contact makes Rafe on edge.
"That's an order, Ms. Herondale," he says, pulling rank on her for perhaps the first time in their lives. Although Aunt Izzy had yet to name her successor, it was no secret that Rafe was being groomed for it. He declined promotion to Department Headship with the intention of working under each department in the Institute to better know the inner workings and be a more effective Head when the time came. It's a training program of sorts that both he and Papa had thought was a good way of ensuring that Institute Heads were well-versed in every facet of shadowhunter life.
Josie clenches her jaw but nods in affirmation, mimicking Rafe's parade rest. "Yes, Sir."
Finally, Rafe turns to Max.
And as if a dam has broken, Max's magic lashes out.
In the blink of an eye, they go from standing on the roof of Pandemonium to being surrounded by its rubble . None of them are hurt by the blast, but Rafe knows better than to believe that it would be the only burst of uncontrolled magic to come from his brother.
"Mr. Underhill, High Warlock Rey," Rafe says, meeting Max's furious gaze. "Please ensure Max is kept in a secure cell in the Institute and that a team is dispatched to take care of this mess."
Max doesn't fight as Uncle Enzo places magic-canceling handcuffs on him; nor does he argue against Uncle Andy walking up to him and guiding him through. Josie kneels down to pick Thylane up, but stops short when Rafe holds a hand out to her. He nods to the portal and she follows the unspoken order with sad eyes.
When it's only Uncle Enzo and Rafe left, he squats and takes Thylane into his arms, hooking one arm around her shoulders and the other under her knees. He stands, cradling her close to him in a way he hasn't done in a long time.
"I can take care of this if you wish." Uncle Enzo waves his hand, gesturing to the area.
"I trust your judgment," replies Rafe. "I think burning it to the ground would be much easier to explain in case there are mundane memories that need to be taken care of, but I need to go now."
With a nod, Uncle Enzo waves him through.
"He's here again," Max says as they climb the steps to the VIP Lounge. The glamour he's wearing is different from the usual near-carbon copy of Magnus that he favors. Tonight, he has a shock of big curly platinum hair that contrasts with his dark skin. Save for Magnus, everyone would believe that Rafe is there with another man for the third time that week — and that he's leading him to Magnus once again.
Rafe has heard the rumors, much as he wishes he hasn't. Plenty think he and Max are Magnus' latest conquests. Most of all, they think he and Magnus are seeing each other and constantly inviting a new person into their bed because of his consistent glamour and Max's more frequent changes. He grimaces at the thought, and idly wonders if Alec thinks the same.
Max turns on his heel as soon as they get to the landing, and it's only thanks to Rafe's experience and instincts that he is neither surprised nor affected by the abrupt change. "Maybe we should talk to him."
"No," Rafe says, hand already on Max's chest to prevent him from leaving. "We've meddled enough with time. Our continued presence here is enough ."
He huffs, and though he looks nothing like the Blueberry that Rafe has grown up with, Rafe can see the same put out little brother in the way he shrinks in on himself and follows Rafe's direction.
It's no surprise that Alec Lightwood is once again in Pandemonium.
Rafe watches as Max joins the small group of people dancing in the lounge. A mix of seelies, mundanes, and werewolves are there, and Rafe knows a few vampires are down in the general area to mingle with mundanes for their nightly feed. There are probably a shadowhunter or two on their day off that are enjoying the amenities too, though there's only one shadowhunter that Rafe and Max knows for sure is there. He stops by the rails and looks to the bar downstairs, where — sure enough — Alec is standing by the bar, nursing a drink and looking decidedly sober and somber.
Despite his earlier words, he itches to go downstairs and talk to Alec himself.
He knows better though. His anger is misplaced. This Alec is not the same Alec that had killed (will kill?) Thylane. He and Max have made sure that he never will be.
And yet the heart refuses to heed the mind, replaying the last time he and Max had been in Pandemonium in a sick loop of the worst day of his life and pushing him into wanting to confront Alec.
"I understand secrets," Magnus says, materializing at his side. "Your case especially entails a lot of it." He looks out into the crowd, elbows brushing. "Your…very strong distaste for Alec specifically does concern me a little though."
"It's nothing for you to worry about," Rafe replies, though he can't bring himself to look away from Alec. He watches as the man takes another swig of his beer.
"I've come to realize you and Blue tend to use that line when you don't wish to be upfront with me." Well, their father has always been rather sharp, despite how he liked to downplay it. "Has he done you wrong in your time?"
In his mind's eye, Rafe sees Thylane's bright eyes as she turns to him, minutes after their Parabatai Ceremony. He swallows the lump in his throat as the phantom pain of his Parabatai Rune's disappearance crawls up his arm. There's no denying Magnus' question without lying. And after all that he and Max have done, and all the small lies they've had to tell to continue living comfortably here instead of laying low or hiding or being on the run, Rafe really would rather not lie any more than he has to.
Max closes the portal as soon as he and Rafe make it through, falling right onto the balcony of the loft they had grown up in. The air is still and the only noise they can hear is the sounds of the city below. Beside him, Rafe pants and presses his back to the wall, an arrow already nocked and ready to shoot if needed. Rafe watches Max's magic surround him in bright red tendrils. There's no indicator that they will be attacked, but this is not their home. This is not their time. Bapak probably has it armed to the teeth even in this time, and it’s only that residual familial bond that had probably allowed them access in the first place.
After over a year of study and calculation, they have finally arrived.
And yet, they both know getting to this dimension is the easy part. From where they stand by the fire escape, they're hidden from view of whoever is in the living room, but they both know Bapak is there. Well, not theirs, but a variation of him: one who hadn’t yet witnessed the atrocities his husband would commit; or the savagery and cunning of his children; or the destruction of the very foundations of their world.
“He helped us get here.” Rafe mutters under his breath, “I can’t believe he did that.”
“Asmodeus is the very reason we had to leave in the first place, hermano,” Max huffs, pulling his magic back to be less threatening. “Just because he helped us—”
Whatever else Max might have said is lost on his tongue as Magnus steps right out and uses his magic to bind both of them, forcing their arms straight and to stick to their sides. Their heads are frozen and they're made to look into glowing gold cat eyes that hold none of the fondness and affection they are used to seeing from their bapak.
“The terms Asmodeus and helping don’t tend to be a good mix,” Magnus says with a raised brow. “Now, who are you and how did you get here?”
Rafe opens his mouth to speak, but he knows Max is their best bet at getting this younger version of their Bapak to listen. He watches as his brother sheds his glamour as if it's being washed away. Tan skin gives way for blue, dark hair often styled similar to Bapak's shift into curly dark blue, and a pair of horns peek from beneath them, just above his temples.
Some of the suspicion in Magnus' eyes recedes, but doesn't disappear entirely. And then Max's tears start to fall, and in a broken voice he calls out, "Bapak," and Rafe knows Magnus will at least truly hear them out.
Hours later, after sharing a good chunk of their tale with Magnus (including the heavy implication that he was a father figure of sorts to them) while conveniently leaving out who their other parent was, they’re escorted to the Spiral Labyrinth.
As the portal closes behind them, on the other side of the city, Alec Lightwood finishes the Wedded Union Rune on Lydia Lightwood’s wrist.
The same wrist looks remarkably blank now, Rafe can't help but think bitterly. Alec lost a wife but gained a partner in the Clave. And Rafe? He looks down at the silvery scar of his former Parabatai Rune. Rafe lost Thylane and will never get her back. Granted, Jace may still die in battle as he had in their time, but as it stands, he hadn't died at Lake Lyn. They hadn't gone through the hell that the Owl had brought. There was no corrupted bond waiting to spill over into Alec's psyche. No, Rafe and Max had made sure of that.
"Rafael," Magnus says in warning. It's the first time he's ever used Rafe's full name. In fact, it's the first confirmation that Rafe has that Magnus knows his full first name. "That's it, isn't it? Rafael…named after…" Even without looking, Rafe knows Magnus is shaking his head. "I would name a son after my boy — especially if he were no longer around."
It was a heavy topic for such an upbeat environment. Rafe lets himself turn to face Magnus, and he knows then he's treading on dangerous territory. He and Max had agreed they wouldn't reveal more than they had to. Before their return, that had meant keeping the identity of their fathers to themselves. However, when Max had burst into tears at the first sight of Magnus, it had been easier to admit that they had been orphans from the future that Magnus had taken in, and they were here to catch a rogue criminal working with his father.
They'd taken great care not to mention any of the shadowhunters involved in their lives outside of the fact that Rafe was a part of the New York Institute by the time they'd left. There's no need for Magnus to know his son was the next in line to be Head, after all.
And yet, as Magnus' brown eyes bore into him, Rafe knows the High Warlock of Brooklyn has very nearly reached the truth (if he hasn't already).
"I had the most interesting conversation with a blond shadowhunter this evening. He was at my loft with items I'd once thought lost to me because the Clave would never deign to return such trophies ." Magnus looks away from Rafe briefly, to the direction of where Max is probably chatting someone up, and then back. "He told me how Alec was a little jittery through the parabatai bond because of the close call their little brother Max had in Los Angeles."
Rafe, for all his years as a shadowhunter, has never been the best at hiding from his Bapak. It seems that even now, when Bapak isn't actually Bapak, the same rings true. He takes in the way Magnus' expression settles on confusion before softening to concern. "Don't ask me questions you might regret the answer to," he says in a rush. "Please don't make me lie to you."
Taken aback, Magnus pauses before he steps closer and lays his chin on Rafe's shoulder. "No matter whose blood runs in your veins," he murmurs just loud enough for only Rafe to hear. "You'll always be my son."
Unable to himself, Rafe turns and wraps his arms around Magnus, burying his face in Magnus' neck, much like he's done as a child. He clutches at the expensive clothes and closes his eyes to stop himself from crying at the realization that once he and Max return to their time, they'll never experience Bapak's comforting embrace ever again.
"My dear boy," he hears Magnus sigh as he runs a hand through Rafael's curls, cradling his head, while his other rubs up and down his back. He sways them side-to-side — it's very reminiscent of the way Bapak would carry and bounce Rafe as a child that he almost sobs. "You will always have a home with me, okay? In this future or yours."
Magnus doesn't know. He doesn't know that the very reason Max and Rafe were motivated to come back was because their parents were at the center of the mess. He doesn't know that he dies at the hand of his own father but through his husband's body. He doesn't know and it's all Rafe can do not to blurt it out in the heat of the moment.
When he finally pulls away, he finds Max hovering just beside them. He shakes his head when Max tilts his, knowing that Max understands that he knows when to ask for company or help after having grown up together.
"I think I'll spend my evening downstairs," Rafe says as he turns to Magnus. He reaches up and kisses Magnus' cheek. It's quick and sweet, much like every other kiss he's given Bapak ever since he'd reached puberty. "Thank you," he whispers just before clapping Max on the back loudly and then leaving the pair of warlocks.
Rafe would be lying if he said he and Max aren't afraid of their counterparts here being worse off if Magnus and Alec don’t get together. He would be lying if he said he hasn't spent every single night of the past two weeks since that cabinet meeting wondering if he and Max should interfere at all with their fathers' lives.
Even then, it was obvious that Alec felt something for Magnus. It's just their luck that Alec was married.
And yet…
Max has been spending a lot of time around Uncle Andy — well, just Andrew here, he supposes — and with that comes access to information they never even had to try to uncover. Rafe has decidedly kept away from the Institute for fear of them looking into his existence too closely. After all, it was rare that a shadowhunter existed out of Clave records.
Alec Lightwood's divorce to Lydia Branwell was finalized a mere few days after he'd asked to speak with Magnus. Rafe and Max thought he would be knocking on Magnus' door immediately. He didn't. No, instead, Alec has spent nearly every night in Pandemonium, like a dark cloud in the corner of the main bar.
At first, Max and Rafe thought he's just biding his time and waiting for Magnus to descend from VIP before he made his move, but in the several nights that Magnus has spent among the throngs of people prior to holding Court in the more secluded VIP lounge, Alec had remained in his spot. And Magnus, for all his nonchalance and supposed reasons to stay away, always seemed to look in Alec's direction whether he wanted to or not. Max had wanted to give them a helping hand by befriending Alec and bringing him into the fold.
Rafe glances up at the VIP lounge as he steps on to the main floor. His brother has always been the more forgiving one of them. He's smarter too; able to separate the fact that these Magnus and Alec aren't their parents and might never be. Rafe looks at Alec. For all of Max's independence and credibility, he shoved it all aside as a sign of respecting Rafe's wish and reluctance to deal with Alec.
Straightening his back, Rafe makes his way to Alec, only to find that the man is more inebriated than he had seemed from afar.
"I get it," Alec says as soon as Rafe is within arms length, and Rafe's immediate thought is 'No, you don't.' He watches as Alec hunches in on himself, brows knit together and staring at the empty bottle between his hands. "I'll back off."
"You're an idiot." Rafe isn't sure why he thought that was a good thing to say, but it seems to have affected Alec at least. He takes a seat on the empty stool beside Alec, who'd snorted but continued glaring down at his bottle.
"You would be the first to say that, but not the first to think it." He sees Alec sneak a glance at him, but makes no remark on it. "I don't want to cause trouble for Magnus," is Alec's soft admission.
It strikes Rafe then that this is perhaps the first time he's ever seen any version of Alec Lightwood more drunk than sober. Oh he's seen the Tipsy Lightwood-Bane that goes absolutely doe-eyed and proceeds to either cuddle his kids or get his husband alone in a different room, but he's never met this: the startlingly coherent and undeniably unhappy shadowhunter. It's such a far cry from the stability his Papa had often projected for them.
He knew, logically, that their Bapak and Papa were just people. They're fallible and imperfect — but if there was one thing about them that both Max and Rafe had wholeheartedly believed in, it was that they were meant for each other. To think that even now, a year after they would have gotten together in what Max and Rafe has begun to call the original timeline, after a war, a near-coup, and a divorce, their would-have-been-fathers still seemed to find their way to each other.
"You should talk to him," Rafe says with a sigh. He waves the bartender over and asks for two bottles of water. "Creepily watching him from the corner of his club isn't helping your case."
Alec snorts. "I'm hopeless." He makes a face at the water Rafe thrusts into his hands. "You should take care of Magnus," he says, pressing his lips together in much the same way Rafe has seen Max do when he's trying not to say more than he thinks is appropriate (and yet ends up saying anyways). "He's very magical," Alec whispers.
"He is," agrees Rafe with ease, opening the bottle of water in his hand when it becomes apparent Alec isn't going to open his own. He slides it over to Alec with a, "Drink this."
"No," Alec replies immediately, pushing the bottle away and nearly causing it to spill. If it wasn't for Rafe's reflexes, it would have been all over the counter. "I already told you I'm not going to start anything, okay? You win. You have Magnus." He pouts, and it jars Rafe how familiar the action is because he does much of the same thing (no matter how much he denies it). Rafe's automatic response at the insinuation of him being anything other than Magnus' son is to grimace, but he schools his features to remain unchanged in the face of Alec's sensitivity. "You didn't have to warn me off. I already told Magnus how I feel. He doesn't…" Alec attempts to open his own bottle, but he's too out of it to really do so..
"Just drink this," Rafe insists, handing Alec his bottle from earlier.
"Why are you here?" Alec huffs as he takes the drink. "I already saw you and Magnus. I already told you—"
"You don't want to cause trouble, yes, but I'm not even here about that."
"Then why are you here?"
Why is he there? It seemed to make sense earlier, when Max and Magnus were on either side of him and he felt caged in by all the emotions swirling in his chest. Rafe swallows the bitter pill of realization. He's always gone to Papa whenever he feels overwhelmed. It seems that it's the truth even now. The sight of Alec downing the water but having some of it spill out the corner of his lips is something Rafe is unused to.
In the back of his mind, he'd always thought that the day might come where he would have to care for Alec in the way the younger generation must care for their elders (assuming of course that Papa didn't go down the immortality route to remain at Bapak's side), but he'd thought that decades away, and never because of something as mundane as alcohol — and never because of heartache over Bapak.
"I'm here because you've been lingering on the outskirts of a life you want to live," Rafe says, closing his eyes.
"This isn't just my family, Rafe," Papa murmurs into his ear before he presses a kiss to the twelve year old's temple. "I know sometimes it can get overwhelming and hard to believe, but trust me when I say they love you and will only ever want what's best for you." He wraps Rafe in his arms, and Rafe squirms until they crabwalk off to the side, hiding behind the fire escape of the loft.
"I don't know if I want to be Head," Rafe says as he sits on one of the steps.
"Oh, sweet boy, you don't have to think about that now — you never have to be something you don't want to be." Papa sits one step lower resting his cheek against Rafe's knee. "Is that why you've been a little short with everyone lately? Has someone been pressuring you about being the next Head?"
Rafe rubs his eyes, lower lip trembling. "They said you were more advanced at my age. I don't even know if I'll have a parabatai yet."
"That's…Oh, Rafe, I'm so sorry you had to hear that," Papa says, rubbing his back. "Why don't I tell you a little secret, hm? When I was your age, I had to be strong because I had to be taking care of your Uncle Jace and Aunt Izzy — sort of like you do with Max. Gramma and Grampa weren't always the best at that so I had to be." Papa licks his lips, then continues, "I spent a long time lingering on the outskirts of a life I wanted to live because of it. I would never want that for you, my sweet sweet boy. Your Bapak and I are working hard to make sure you and Max can enjoy a life we didn't get to have, you know? And those people that think you have to be Head?" Rafe sniffles as Papa cuddles him closer. "Don't listen to them."
"But—"
"If you want to be the next Head of the Institute, then go for it, Rafe. Just make sure it's what you want." Papa smiles at him, resting his chin on Rafe's bony knee. "I'll be just as happy if you remained a field agent all your life…or even if you felt like you didn't want to be a shadowhunter at all." He reaches up to press another kiss to Rafe's forehead. "No matter what happens, you'll always be our sweet boy — my son. Never forget that, okay?"
Rafe nods, throwing his arms around Alec's neck.
"Now, do you want to go back inside or do you want to escape for a bit and maybe we can get some tacos from that food truck you like? I will send anyone who says anything about us sneaking away to the weapons room," Papa jokes, winking.
"You can't do that!"
"I'm the Inquisitor," Papa huffs. "I can do anything…unless Bapak tells me otherwise."
"And I'm telling you that's not a way to live at all," Rafe says as he awkwardly pats Alec's back. "I'm not…with Magnus like that. We're close, but we're not…" Rafe makes a face at the thought of the rumors currently circulating about himself, Max, and Magnus. He understands the nature of rumors and Magnus' reputation, but it doesn't make it any less gross in his eyes.
"I don't need your pity," Alec spits, standing up.
"Everything okay here?"
Rafe turns to Andrew, who's walking up to them with a wary expression. He nods, ready to wave him away, but Alec beats him to it.
"Oh great, you're here too." Alec scowls, though he sways unsteadily on his feet. "I get it okay, you're it. You're the one he chose, and you're his friend. I can see where I'm not welcome and I'll see myself—"
Shadowhunter training did not prepare Rafe for the day the younger iteration of his father threw up all over him. He grimaces at the feeling, swallowing down his own urge to vomit or gag because of the stench. Both he and Andrew take one of Alec's shoulders to keep him up, but it's clear Alec isn't going to be able to pick himself up any time soon.
With a sigh, Rafe grabs Alec's wrist and throws his arm around Rafe's shoulder while Rafe slung an arm around Alec's waist. "Can you please tell Magnus I need a portal home? I'll wait in his office."
Andrew nods, already heading to the VIP lounge.
There really was never a dull night in Pandemonium.