Archive of Our Own ^beta

Note: Here's a photo of Jobby (real name Brian Zellis) most probably from the late 70s, I think he was in his early 20s. I love his hair.

**-***-**

“I’ll be fine, I just– need a few minutes to myself. Get some peace. Yeah– don’t worry, it’s just– I just need–”

But Brian doesn’t know. He’s tried sitting and taking deep breaths, he drank water, even a little bit of whisky, but his heart can’t quiet down. Get a hold of yourself! 

The door opens and his guitar technician pops in. Just like him, he has a wild, untamable mass of brown hair and is called Brian; the crew still needs to give him a decent nickname, so in the meantime he’s been designated by his family name, Zellis.

 “...’S everything alright?” He frowns, before stepping inside and closing the door of the changing room.

Brian gets up and straightens, but his smile isn’t convincing. “I–” His head is too heavy, he just wants to sit down again and sleep for a few minutes. Or hours. “No, not– not really. I’m just– I know this is just a gig like we’ve played many already, I know what to do, but–” 

“You’re stressed?” Zellis’ smile is sympathetic. “Eh, don’t worry, I know you’re gonna rock it.”

“I–” Again, Brian tries to smile, but it doesn’t last. “I think I slept too little tonight.” And maybe the night before too. “I… I’ve been trying to calm down but frankly, it’s not working very much. I don’t know what to do.”

Zellis walks to him and lays his hands on his arms, his light grip warm and reassuring. “Hey, everything’s gonna be fine.” He rubs his arms up and down, slowly. “You’ve done gigs like this one, what, tons of times before? I know you’ll do great.”

Brian stares at his clear eyes, but the stress won’t leave him. He’ll be so tiny on stage, before those thousands and thousands of fans who are waiting for them to deliver the best show, thousands and thousands and they count on them, on him and he has too little sleep in his blood, he absolutely can’t disappoint them, can’t disappoint– 

“Brian.” Zellis grips his arms tighter, but his voice is soft with concern. 

Brian focuses his eyes on him again. His ears register the distant cheers of the audience outside and his stomach knots. Get a grip for fuck’s sake!  

“...I’m sorry.” He mumbles. Why does he sound so pathetic?

Zellis takes a step back and gets pensive. Brian glances at the empty glass on the coffee table; maybe another drink would help?

"Look, I…” He looks back at Zellis, who has a strange, newfound smile on his face. “If you're stressed, I might– I think I know a lil' trick to help." 

"Really? That would be wonderful." A small, nervous laugh escapes him. "At this point I'm ready to try everything."

"Well–" Zellis ducks his head, and takes a deep breath. His cheeks have taken a distinct red tint. "I've– ...Look, I–I don't wanna brag, but I've been told I have a very good hand."

…Oh. It sounds like he wants to give him a massage, and– yes, a massage would be lovely. But why is he blushing? 

A thought dashes through Brian’s mind. No, no it’s ridiculous, Zellis can’t mean– “Are you…” He frowns. It would explain why he’s blushing. But that’s… “Wait. You– Are you offering… You want to give me a handjob?"

Zellis fiddles with his hands, but holds his look. "...Yeah."

Brian is dumbstruck, his mouth slightly agape. It’s not the first time he’s been propositioned by men, but– well first he’s always declined, and then even if– hypothetically speaking– Zellis isn’t a name and face he’d only see once, he’s their roadie and–  

…On the other hand… he’s kind. He trusts him. What does he have to lose?

"Look– I mean, I know I don't think you..." Zellis looks downwards and curls up on himself, face beef red, "y'know, like Freddie– so maybe it's stupid, but, I thought–" 

"Okay."

The word is out before Brian can think it properly. 

"Really?" Zellis stares at him, then an unbridled smile grows on his face. “Well– O–Okay."

Oh. Oh fuck– No, it’ll be fine you know Zellis he’s always– 

"We don't have that much time." His eyes sparkle as he steps closer.

For a second Brian pictures he’ll go directly for his crotch, but he simply lays a hand on his waist, and the other on his chest. The gesture is much more tender than it is seductive.

“Let’s sit down, alright?” His eyes are soft, his voice reassuring.

“...Alright.”

Brian doesn’t take his eyes off him as they both sit and sink a little bit onto the comfortable couch. Unlike him, he seems to be in his element. 

“Brian, do you hear them? All your fans, outside. They’re here for you.” His voice is a low, comforting caress. “They know you’ll give them an amazing show.” 

Brian blushes under his gaze. His fingers slowly stroke his skin, spreading warmth through his clothes, and his heart manages to stop hammering. Then the hand slowly slides from his chest to his stomach, where it stops. 

"You play the guitar like no one else. Hearing you on stage is a gift, d'you hear me?"

Is Brian blushing further from the praise or from the thrill of what is to come?

"It'll go well.” The hand slides down until it rests against his crotch. “Even if a string breaks, it’s just a little setback you can deal with, you won’t disappoint them. You could never disappoint them."

Zellis’ smile is endearing and adamant. Skilled fingers unbutton Brian’s jeans, and slide the zip down.

"You'll do amazing. Like you always do."

His index traces the outline of his cock through his briefs, then slips inside and his whole hand curls around his cock. It’s… pleasant. Like with a woman, except his hand is broader. 

Brian’s breath hitches as they start moving up and down in a careful, but assertive way. Zellis’ pupils have considerably dilated; Brian had never noticed how beautiful the light green of his eyes was.

“Hey, can you repeat after me? You’ll do wonderful .”

“I– ah – I’ll do wonderful.” 

Zellis positively glows. He’s fully warped his other arm around his waist now, as if he was holding someone dear, and the touch tugs at Brian’s heartstrings. He’s not putting care and skill in the handjob only, all of this feels almost… intimate. The sort of touch he missed and craved tonight, alone with his neverending thoughts.

“Brian–”

Brian opens his eyes again, and his heart freezes when Zellis’ blushing face gets closer. 

Then he stops, and seems to consider something. His clear eyes glance down and up, before he nestles his head against his shoulder. Brian’s heart has slowed down, but its beating is deafening in the quietness of the room, only disturbed by their breathing and the distinct sound of fingers expertly moving around his cock.

He can’t stop thinking Zellis wanted to kiss him. 

"You'll… ah – you’ll do wonderful Brian. You're wonderful.” His voice is raspy, his hot breath tickling his neck. “The way you move your fingers, you– you– make magic with them." 

If Brian could talk right now, he would say the same. Lips brush the skin of his neck and his hands claw at the couch as the thumb strokes the head of his cock. It feels incredibly good, and not just the handjob, but the sweet way he talks to him and holds him too; is Zellis this attentionate and caring in every pleasure he gives to others?

In any case, he doesn’t want this to stop. 

Another expert brush of his fingers elicits a sharper moan, and soon after that, the hot breath on his neck disappears, along with the comforting weight of Zellis’ head against his shoulder. Brian opens his eyes to find him gazing into his eyes again. He’s so close, and his reddened face, along with his rosy, parted lips, make for a very enticing sight.

“...Can I kiss you?” He asks between two breaths, his voice low, almost shy. 

Brian wants nothing but to dive in, right now.

“Yes.”

He closes his eyes, and warm lips greet his own. The kiss is nothing but soft, almost as if Zellis was relishing the act. He retrieves his lips for a few seconds, before kissing him more openly, his fingers going up and down quicker. 

It doesn’t really feel different from a woman’s kiss, aside from the lack of lipstick, maybe. It’s as passionate and wanting and at the moment, Brian just wants it too, wants that sweet heat and the tongue twirling around his own. His left hand slides to Zellis’ back, and presses him closer. His other hand itches to do something, get closer to that sweet touch– 

Zellis leans away in a slight surprise. Their hot breathing linger in the air as he lowers his eyes to find Brian’s hand has curled around his own, tight around his cock. A little laugh escapes him, and he intertwines their fingers together. Something in the gesture, his earnest smile and that sparkle in his eyes pokes Brian’s heart, engulfs him in a sweet warmth of another kind. He feels light, and not only from the fire pooling low in his abdomen. 

He closes his eyes again, lips kissing and teeth nipping the skin of his neck while their fingers move in unison. His hand claws into Zellis’ back and his moans turn into a strangled cry as his orgasm grips him, and the overwhelming heat dissolves into sparks of pleasure.  

The world seems to stop for a moment, his body now quiet but still aflame. The warmth of Zellis’ pressed against him is almost overwhelming, yet so comforting; if only it could last longer.

Zellis shifts against his thigh, his breathing harsher into his neck. The hand around his now limp cock leaves. Brian opens his eyes and looks down, noticing the bulge in Zellis’ tight jeans, and his hand curled tight on his thigh as if he was resisting touching himself. 

Zellis gasps and nearly jumps when Brian's right hand lays on his crotch. He leans away, staring at his lap before staring back at Brian, eyes glazed.

“...You– don’t have to.” He mumbles, but his eyes full of wanting speak louder.

“I think I want to.” Brian’s lips answer before his brain can act. 

His eyes stay locked into Zellis' as his hand unbuttons his jeans, then lowers the zip. His heart is racing again, but he doesn’t mind.  

Zellis lets out a breathless moan as his fingers curl around his cock, and leans on his side against the back of the couch. He's rock hard. Brian stays still for a short moment, a little breathless himself, and watches his clear eyes struggle to stay open while he moves his hand ever so slightly. 

“Please–” Zellis doesn’t say another word, but his lips stay apart. Coupled with his flushed cheeks, he looks quite the sight. 

“I… I might not be very good.” A tentative smile follows Brian’s words. 

“Bullshit you’re amazing–” Zellis whispers with hooded eyes and a new smile. “Your fingers feel fucking amazing.”

His head nestles back in the hollow of his neck, and Brian strokes his back before closing his eyes, relishing in the contact more than he can say with words. He’s felt so lonely these last nights, even with someone else sharing in bed. And this feels… different. Maybe since Zellis isn't any one-night stand, although he's only been with them since the beginning of this tour. His warmth, the hand around his waist holding him, fills him with some of the contentment he's yearned for since he's been away from home.

His fingers continue moving up and down, almost on their own. It doesn’t take long before Zellis squeezes him tighter, his breathing still so hot against his neck, while half-words and low moans escape his mouth. His mind foggy, Brian presses him closer, wanting more of that dizzying heat, the contact of his skin, and his own breath quickens just as Zellis' right hand claws at his side.

"Oh fuck– fuck –" His voice is getting higher, breathless. "Brian fucking hell–"

Just as his cock pulses between Brian’s fingers, his left hand curls around them in a surprisingly gentle way, adding to the warmth engulfing Brian in the most blissful embrace. His hand absent-mindedly strokes Zellis’ back again, his mind lulled by the sweet, shaky breaths tickling his neck. 

The silence comes back, little by little. Distant footsteps, voices talking out loud go around as the heat dissipates.

Brian's eyes blink open. The back of his hand is wet and sticky.

He leans away and cranes his neck. Clarity comes back with the delicacy of a brick; the white stains are everywhere, on his fingers, on Zellis’s jeans, on his own pants, and staring at his hand in disbelief won’t change the fact he just gave his own roadie a handjob.

“Oh–”

He looks up. Zellis’ eyes blink open a few times, then he looks down and his cheeks turn a deeper red. His eyes stay locked on his crotch for a few seconds, before he dares glancing up. Blood rushes to Brian’s cheeks. 

“Uh–” Zellis’ eyes snap back downwards and he mumbles something resembling a curse before slowly getting up, looking a bit wobbly on his legs. “Well– I–” 

He looks back at Brian for a second before rushing in the small bathroom and closing the door. The faucet starts running. Brian looks at his sticky hand again, stunned.

…He just had a handjob. (A handjob, his first from a man, from one who’s not a complete stranger too.). And he gave back one .

Eyes staring into the void, he lowers his hand. He doesn’t… have to make anything of this, right? Zellis, well, he simply wanted to help him relax, and it turns out he’s very good at handjobs; they didn’t have many options, he had nothing to lose. And it worked, his body is much lighter now! As for returning it… 

The bathroom door opens, and Brian slowly turns his head. There are even more stains on Zellis’ pants, on his T-shirt too, although this must be just water.

“It’s handier. To hide the stains, and all.” He mumbles, face still red, while handing him a glass of water, and a towel in the other hand. 

“...Thank you.”

He downs the glass of water and wipes his face. A part of him says he should have an answer for why he gave back a handjob despite his lack of attraction to men. (And why he enjoyed the kisses as much as he did.)

“There’s a spare costume in the closet. For you.” Zellis points after getting back the glass and the towel, before crouching and scrubbing the stains Brian is only noticing now on the coffee table.

Brian gets up, grabs the black and white clothing and locks himself in the small bathroom without saying a word. He avoids looking at the mirror as he takes off his clothes; it’s also easy enough to focus on swiftly cleaning himself in front of the sink and dressing back. His body acts automatically, until he has to put on a new touch of make up for the show.

His reflection greets him in the mirror, and his thoughts drift back to the soft, hot breathing in his neck. The hand around his cock. His own hand around Zellis’ cock. 

He looks aside to adjust his collar, cheeks warming up. He doesn’t have an answer to why he reciprocated. Maybe he doesn’t want to find an answer. Maybe he’s afraid to find one.

No, he must’ve simply… gotten carried away. Zellis’ sweet words, his smiles, the way he gazed at him while he was moving his fingers– and his kisses too, it just felt so good. And he was clearly passionate about it and enjoyed himself as much as he was taking care of him. Maybe he’s wanted to do this for a while. Maybe…

Stop that.

Brian looks back into the mirror, conflicted. Does it matter to know why exactly Zellis offered him a handjob, other than to make him relax? 

“Brian?”

The voice snaps him out of his thoughts. A little bit of foundation, then powder on his cheeks before he steps out of the bathroom, and finds Zellis standing near the door, looking back at him. His face is still a little red, but his eyes aren’t shying away anymore. 

…Is he waiting for him to say something?

Brian wants to, even if he’s still struggling to process everything that has happened, and if there are some things he’d rather not think about too deeply at the moment. It’s just hard to make out what to say, and the silence stretches between them. Zellis looks down and seems to curl up on himself.

“...Sorry if I screwed things up.”  

Brian’s heart tightens. Is he afraid he’s mad at him?

“No, please– You don’t have to apologise.” He steps closer, his voice at its most earnest. “You just wanted to help. And, well, it was unexpected, but… I feel much better now. So, I wanted to thank you, truly.” 

He looks up, before smiling again; his whole body breathes relief. “...Glad I could help. I’m not usually that daring, y’know.” A nervous laugh escapes him. “So. We’re good?”

Brian frowns. “Well, yes. Why wouldn’t we?”

Zellis stays silent, his features marked by hesitation. “...Oh, ‘doesn’t matter.” He says eventually, before smiling again. “Simply, well, if you ever want… or need to talk, I’m here.” 

Brian has an inkling of what he may be hinting at, but he doesn’t want to focus on that now. “That’s very kind of you. And, uh, if you ever need to talk I’m here too. The… I know a roadie’s work can be quite tiring and absorbing, and all.”

“Thanks.” Zellis' smile grows, then he checks his watch and his eyes widen. “Fuck, ‘think we really should–”

Someone knocks on the door. “Uh, Brian, ‘you alive?” It’s Crystal. “We got less than 10 minutes before you’re up on stage.”

“Um– yes! I’m coming.”

Brian checks himself in the mirror one last time before they leave the room. They find Crystal resting against the wall next to the door; arms crossed, as if he’s been waiting for them. A corner of his mouth raises up as he looks at Zellis.

“...What’s so funny?” He asks with a frown.

Crystal chuckles then focuses on Brian, a smug expression on his face. “So. I heard…” He steps closer, his voice low. ”You had a nice… therapeutic handjob in there?”

Brian’s face drops, just as Zellis’ turns deep red, and Crystal cackles. “You should see your faces!”

“Did you–” Oh god, no that. “...You heard us?”

The grin Crystal shows after calming down isn’t a good sign. “Well, I happened to open the door just when you two were busy snogging each other.” He glances at Zellis. “And your hand was pretty busy.”

Zellis’s cheeks gain another layer of colour, and Brian’s own face is equally burning. If someone else has spotted them– 

“Don’t fret though, I stayed around to make sure no one disturbed you.” Crystal continues while patting Zellis’ shoulder. “Though you might wanna be more careful and lock that door next time, I won’t always be around to play watchdog.”

Zellis lowers his eyes, sheepish. “I completely forgot. I–I’m not usually that reckless.” Then he darts his head up, jaw tight. “Not a word, okay?”

An honest and somewhat amused smile grows on Crystal’s face. “If I didn’t know how to keep secrets, Roger would’ve thrown me out on day two. And I don’t care who you do, really.” He turns towards Brian, an eyebrow raised. “Though, I have to say…”

“Please don’t say anything.” Brian asks in a low but firm tone. This is a conversation for another day or never, but not now .

Crystal stares at him for a moment, then smiles again before giving him a pat on the shoulder. “Alright then. Well, let's hurry, everyone's waiting for you.”

**–***–**

The next day, Zellis has a new nickname.

Nobody knows why Crystal has started to throw the name “Jobby” around, but it turns out the whole crew rather likes the name, and start using it themselves. Somehow no one seems to question its origin.

Zellis does get embarrassed the first few times the new name is used in his presence, but after a while, it grows on him. And Crystal has kept the secret, so it's alright.

"After all, I guess it does fit me." He says to Brian with a chuckle, during a break. "I mean… I'm quite good at my job, ain't I?"

No innuendo behind his tone and his eyes, but the memory of his sweet, encouraging words as he held him in the changing room comes to Brian’s mind anyway. He still has trouble wrapping his mind around this whole moment in the changing room.

Maybe he’ll figure this out, one day. If it ever needs to be. In the meantime, there is one thing certain about his new technician.

"I sure don't have any complaints." Brian assures, smiling, and Jobby’s entire face lits up.