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Some days I wish I could be there for Will as much as he was there for me.
I wish I could hug him while he’s crying and be able to comfort him as much as he was able to with me.
I wish I could’ve helped him when he was just starting down the triple path in the beginning.
I wish I would’ve checked up on him more. I saw all of the signs, why didn’t I say anything? I saw his long sleeves on 70 degree days. I saw the constant need for smaller clothes. Month by month he needed new. Day By day our bandages drained.
I wish I wouldn’t have trusted him every time he brushed off my questions and answered with the generic “I’m fine.”
I wish I would’ve encouraged him to eat instead of letting him go back to his room when Phil was out. He barely ate when Phil was home, he had to eat at least 5 bites before he could eat, but I was too scared to say anything. Techno went after him, and the only thing I heard after was one sided yelling coming from Will.
I wish I would’ve said something when I saw the bloody tissues in the bathroom. I asked him and he said they were from nosebleeds. I knew something was wrong, yet I still said nothing. The bandage wrappers next to the bloody tissues, I still didn’t ask. I said nothing, and then I forgot.
I wish I didn’t believe him when he told me that his double-edged razors were for shaving. He never had cuts on his face, even though the razors were so sharp I got a cut on my finger just from holding it slightly wrong.
I wish I could’ve hugged him and told him he was alright.
I wish I wouldn’t have left when Phil told me to, the Narcan in his hand. It wasn’t the first or last time it happened, but it was the only time I was present. I could barely see; I was sobbing my eyes out. Seeing his lifeless body laying on our bathroom floor was too much, yet I still wish I stayed. He just sat there. He was dead for a good 2 minutes.
I just wish I could've been there.