Chapter Text
Kim Dokja gulped in fright and Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't help but laugh. It was a sound so foreign even to his own ears. He couldn't remember the last time he'd ever laughed. And to Dokja it seemed like a lovely old record when it was finally played after decades of being left to collect dust. It did something to Dokja. It made him feel warm and ticklish inside. The sight of Yoo Joonghyuk laughing cheerfully and smiling faintly down at him as he gently caressed Kim Dokja's cheek left Dokja breathless. It sped his heartbeat up, painfully so.
"Why are you laughing?" Dokja questioned in a whisper.
"Why? Should I not be laughing?"
"It's just... you don't laugh." Dokja chewed on his bottom lip and reached his hand up to touch Yoo Joonghyuk's face. He rubbed his thumb over Joonghyuk's lips softly. "You don't smile either. It's not like you."
Yoo Joonghyuk caught Dokja's hand and turned his face in order to place a kiss on the palm of Dokja's hand. "You somehow seem more scared now than when you challenged the whole universe before."
"The universe you're talking about couldn't ruin me," Dokja muttered and Yoo Joonghuk froze.
"And you think I can?"
"Seems like you want to."
Yoo Joonghyuk chuckled softly as his hand travelled down Dokja's body, slowly oh so slowly going down in between his legs.
"You're right. I want to ruin you." Yoo Joonghyuk admitted. His face inched closer to Dokja's till there was a hair's breadth of the distance between their lips. "I will ruin you like you did to me, Kim Dokja."
Dokja was confused but before he could ask what Yoo Joonghyuk meant, Yoo Joonghyuk resumed. It was his time to talk now. He'd stayed broodingly silent, allowing Dokja to do what he wanted and where did that lead him? Away from Kim Dokja. Not any longer. Never again would Yoo Joonghyuk make the same mistake. Kim Dokja was as dense as a brick wall so he'd make sure to get the message across this time.
"I'll make sure you'll be incapable of leaving me again. I'll make sure you remember me with every step you take. I'll ruin you for anyone else. You won't be able to live without me."
Dokja wasn't sure whether to be terrified or swooned. Yoo Joonghyuk looked quite determined and fierce as if he was preparing for battle while he promised... or threatened Kim Dokja. You never knew which one it was with Yoo Joonghyuk.
"Yoo Yoonghyuk-" Kim Dokja gasped as he felt the pressure of Yoo Joonghyuk's fingers in between his legs. He gripped Yoo Joonghyuk's arm tightly. "Ah- wait, I-I don't think I'm ready."
"Shh." Yoo Joonghyuk placed a kiss on top of Kim Dokja's head. "Stay still. I need to prepare you so it won't hurt."
"You damned bastard!" Kim Dokja cursed draping his arm over his eyes and clenching his teeth.
He was having a battle with himself. Dokja wanted to be here with Joonghyuk but at the same time, there was this nagging feeling inside of him, gripping his throat, whispering in his ears that this wouldn't last, that he wasn't deserving of this and that he shouldn't be stupid enough to think he could have Yoo Joonghyuk.
"I'll be gentle, I promise." Yoo Joonghyuk began to kiss his throat and down to his collarbone, leaving his marks on Dokja's body. "I'll make you feel good so tell me I can go on. Tell me I can have you."
"... alright," Dokja whispered his consent. It was so low but Joonghyuk heard it.
He'd never been happier as he positioned himself between his lover's legs. Dokja felt the tip of Yoo Joonghyuk's hard length right at his as*hole and he tensed. And just like that, so suddenly Yoo Joonghyuk thrust hard and fast so that he was balls deep inside Kim Dokja. Kim Dokja's back arched and he clenched Yoo Joonghyuk's arm viciously as the breath was knocked out of his lungs.
"F*ck. That hurts, you f*cking bastard!" Dokja cursed, glaring up at a smug, happy Joonghyuk.
"You'll come to love the size soon."
Kim Dokja highly doubted that.
Yoo Joonghyuk had promised to be gentle. He rarely kept his promises. He was far from gentle. But could anyone blame him? How many years had he waited for this very moment? How many trails had Yoo Joonghyuk gone through just to meet the very infuriating man that was beneath him at this very moment? Yoo Joonghyuk hated Kim Dokja, his sponsor. He had hated him when he went through the scenarios over and over again, dying only to be born and start again while Kim Dokja wasn't there.
"Yoo Joonghyuk." Dokja groaned his name as Yoo Joonghyuk drove himself in and out of him, growing more vicious by the second. "Slow down!"
He hated Kim Dokja for being so unpredictable, for doing whatever the hell he wanted. He hated Kim Dokja for being as heartless as to always leave them behind and not look back once. He hated Kim Dokja who put walls between himself and them, Kim Dokja who was as cold as ice and never allowed them to witness a speck of emotion on his flawless face.
Their bodies fit perfectly together. They may have been made for each other. Pain mixed with pleasure. Yoo Joonghyuk was enchanted by Kim Dokja's face. The way Dokja's eyes were hazy with pleasure, the way his nails dug on Yoo Joonghyuk's back, the sweet sound of his moans. He was bewitched by the emotions Kim Dokja was allowing Yoo Joonghyuk to see. It felt like an invisible hand was wrapped around Yoo Joonghyuk's heart and was clutching it tightly, making it impossible for him to breathe. How scary it was. It was the most Yoo Joonghyuk had ever felt in all of his life.
"Kim Dokja." Yoo Joonghyuk murmured his name like a prayer, resting his forehead on his lover's. "Kim Dokja... Dokja."
"Yes." Dokja responded, holding Yoo Joonghyuk's face. It sounded like Yoo Joonghyuk was begging for something, begging for Kim Dokja to prove that he was here, that he was real. "Joonghyuk."
"Say it again." Yoo Joonghyuk captured his lips, kissing him like a starved animal. He muttered in between their passionate quick kisses. "Say my name again. Keep saying it."
Kim Dokja rarely fullfilled his wishes but he did so this time. He murmured his name over and over again. And he willingly accepted Yoo Joonghyuk's sweet violation to his body, no longer having the will nor desire to resist him.
Yoo Joonghyuk hated Kim Dokja. He had wanted to kill him the moment they'd meet. He had planned it all of his miserable lives. So how the f*ck had he grown to hate Kim Dokja trying to kill himself all the time? How had he come to hate how Kim Dokja was like a dream, fleeting, unreal, too good to be true, and could disappear when you least expect it. He always disappeared. It was juts a matter of time.
Yoo Joonghyuk held Kim Dokja tightly to him, unwilling to let go. Their bodies were sweaty and hot, shuddering under the other's mere touch. And together they hugged each other tightly as they reached the earth-shattering, mind-blowing peak of their pleasure.
Dokja's body had turned into jelly. He was so tired he couldn't move and his body was extremely hot that he felt grateful for the cold marbled kitchen counter.
Yoo Joonghyuk kissed his forehead. It was so unlike him that it gave Dokja shivers down his spine. And Yoo Joonghyuk, naked as he was, stood up. Instantly, Kim Dokja felt the emptiness of not having him close. Thankfully, it didn't last long as Yoo Joonghyuk hoisted Kim Dokja up in his arms and carried him to his- no, sorry, their room bridal style. Dokja was too tired to protest or feel embarrassed so he let Yoo Joonghyuk do as he pleased. Kim Dokja rested his head on Yoo Joonghyuk's chest and closed his eyes. He heared Yoo Joonghyuk open and close a door and he felt his body being lowered on a soft mattress before Yoo Joonghyuk joined him. Shortly after he fell asleep.
Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't decide which he liked more. Kim Dokja awake who avoided him or Kim Dokja asleep who was snuggling closer into Yoo Joonghyuk's side. Yoo Joonghyuk gazed at the sleeping face of his lover, he caressed his cheek as gently as Yoo Joonghyuk could.
Yoo Joonghyuk hated Kim Dokja, The Most Ancient Dream, who had chosen Yoo Joonghyuk as his incarnation.
Why did you choose me? Why me? Wasn't there anyone else? Why have me when you could have anyone else?
"Why didn't you choose me?" Yoo Joonghyuk whispered to his sleeping lover.
Then Yoo Joonghyuk regained his memories and felt bitter. It wasn't Kim Dokja who had chosen him. It was Yoo Joonghyuk who had chosen Kim Dokja.
He couldn't help but laugh. It's always been like this, hasn't it? Yoo Joonghyuk chosing him, running after him, him looking at Kim Dokja's back, him being so close and yet unable to reach out and touch him, hold onto him.
Yoo Joonghyuk took Dokja's hand. His fingers were long and slender, and his arm was thin. Yoo Joonghyuk remembered the moment this very hand was burned away like paper and stories floated away. He had Dokja today but why did it feel like he could disappear any moment?
Stay, Joonghyuk wanted to beg him. Won't you stay? With me? I've lived for you- I live for you. I have nothing in this world but you. I chose you over and over again and I continue to choose you.
"Dokja." Joonghyuk muttered, placing a kiss on the palm of Dokja's hand before laying next to him, gazing at him.
Joonghyuk hated him. To hate him was less painful than to love him.
But for how long could one lie to themselves?
I hate him...I hate him... I hate him... I ha-
"Dokja." Joonghyuk hugged Dokja to his chest, his hand tangled on Dokja's hair as he caressed his head. "Choose me."
Just once, you choose me.