Work Text:
Shang Qinghua was stuck in one place, frozen, unable to move his lips or limbs. He could only watch as furious Mobei-jun — earrings defying gravity from the sheer amount of inner energy surrounding him, snowflakes dusting his jet-black hair and blue eyes so intense as though they could burn him through, oh god, Qinghua is ready to fall in love with him again…
Qinghua could only watch as furious Mobei-jun leaned closer to his face.
Well. Were he starring in some dumb movie, the record scratch sound effect would be heard at this exact moment, and then he’d proceed with: “Hi. Yep, this is me. I know, you’re all wondering, how did I get in that situation?” Unfortunately, he still was in the world of his own work, so his circumstances had to be explained in a different way. Say…
***
Once upon a time there was a dumb System-jie, which loved giving quests for the one of Cang Qiung peak lords. One could say that System-jie cared only for the way said lord conducted his relationship with his… well… husband. Some of the quests ended up being wholesome, most part of them were ridiculous, half of them required something of a sexual nature from the couple.
And the lord was not very pleased with the quests, but alas, there always was a hidden danger for him, were he not complying with System-jie, so he always participated.
***
This time however Cucumber-bro went straight to his place on An Ding peak where Shang Qinghua was resting after checking out his disciples, and smacked him in the head not with his fan, but with his hand.
"Ow! What's wrong with you, Sheng-shixiong?!" Shang Qinghua rubbed the back of his head and looked at exasperated Shen Qingqiu.
"What's wrong with your damn book, if the System decided that we have to collect you and your frost queen for a winter snow tale double date?!"
“Butwedon’tda-”
“What.”
Shen Qingqiu wore a look so murderous that Shang Qinghua crossed the room to get the tea table between them. He didn’t want to irritate Shen Qingqiu even further, so he blabbered:
“Why would System even demand that?? I swear we don’t date! My king, he’s just been very nice to me recently, I have no idea why and…”
Shen Qingqiu massaged his temples with his fingertips, looking annoyed, then sighed deeply.
“Shang Qinghua. Airplane. Your lot will just go with us on some god forgotten snow field which Mobei-jun could probably know of, and have some fun there. Fun, you know.”
Shang Qinghua even felt sorry for him for a moment, but then he remembered that he was also in this mess, and decided to save some pity for Cucumber-bro later.
Say, for the quests when his presence is not required.
“But bro, what if we decline? I mean, if my king is…”
Shen Qingqiu flashed the most polite smile to him before opening his goddamn fan:
“He won’t.”
At the same time the portal opened in front of them and Mobei-jun stepped into the room, filling it with a frosty aura. Luo Binghe followed him in fashion though he immediately put his hand on Mobei-jun’s shoulder:
“Hey, I said that we should just check on them.”
“Who.”
Mobei-jun frowned as he stared at Shang Qinghua and then asked:
“Who hurt you?”
Shang Qinghua barely managed to avoid the answer “It was me, your lowly servant” and looked at Cucumber-bro in confusion.
“I just asked my husband to make sure that Mobei-jun would comply,” said Shen Qingqiu sweetly.
“And I just asked Mobei-jun who was on his way to kill some rebel tribes on the border of his kingdom,” picked up Luo Binghe, “if he was sure his favourite human is not in danger right now.”
Favourite human, huh, that sounded flattering. Shang Qinghua couldn’t refrain from smiling. Mobei-jun apparently waited only for his answer, so he even left the tea table:
“I’m fine, my king! Though, this lowly one has a small request for you…”
That’s how Shang Qinghua found himself in the company of his friend and his friend’s husband somewhere in the forgotten snow desert outskirts. Mobei-jun had kindly teleported them here after Shen Qingqiu explanations and then dropped that he had to check for the Icewhopper nest at their destination, and went astray. Fortunately the wind wasn’t blowing here, but the cold air and a vast amount of snow did not inspire any enthusiastic thoughts about… having fun and stuff. He could only think about how cold he was. But also…
That freaking Shen Qingqiu walked in front of him in a nice and warm-looking winter robe of emerald hue, heavily embroidered and with some fur attached. Luo Binghe was not bothered by the cold. Mobei-jun was not here, but obviously he could not be bothered by the cold. Why only Shang Qinghua was not allowed to change into clothes more reasonable for this sodding arctic desert?
He wanted to cry. He wanted to go back to An Ding peak, or to his king’s palace — at least there was a reasonable amount of snow and ice! He wanted to go back in time and beat himself for not thinking about the climate in which the cold demons thrived; maybe he could come up with something less severe or…
There was a sharp sound of breaking ice, and then he heard a squelching noise. Shang Qinghua’s leg felt cold and wet, and after the next step it was covered in something gooey.
The only thing Shang Qinhua knew about traveling in the north was that he shouldn’t touch anything coloured in a light blue. Like the puddle he was stuck in now.
“Oh,” Shen Qingqiu stopped in his tracks and looked at Shang Qinghua. “So we’re near the Icewhopper nest.”
“What?”
“I’m not smacking you not because I’m afraid of your ice queen,” Shen Qingqiu informed him with a baffling mirth in his voice, “and because the Icewhopper juice was one of the plot devices leading to papapa. You are unfortunate enough already.”
“H-hey,” stuttered Shang Qinghua, suddenly feeling even colder, “I don’t remember that.”
“Of course. Once you touch it, you’ll freeze to death in a few minutes. Unless you can somehow get railed while being in this state, or at least kissed. It was introduced around 1300’s chapter or something.”
Luo Binghe warily looked around and probed the snow in front of him with the tip of his sword. He did that for every patch of the ground they were standing near, and Shang Qinghua could not discern if he was relieved or sad when there weren’t any more puddles of Icewhopper juice. Shen Qingqiu stepped back a little, when Shang Qinghua stepped forward from his place.
“S-so,” Shang Qinghu was shaking his leg in a futile attempt to get rid of the glowing blue liquid. His other leg was already freezed to the ground. “You s-say that this Icewhopper ju-juice would get me frozen t-to death?”
“Yes, I did say that. It is not my creation, Shang-shidi. It is your fantasy that provided us this… situation. I’m just glad that I did not fall for such an obvious trap.”
He actually chuckled after that. Lucky bastard.
Shang Qinghua knew that neither him nor Luo Binghe would even kiss him to get him out of this predicament, and his king, well… he clearly was still hunting Icewhoppers somewhere there in the snowy meadow. Which meant Shang Qinghua will die here, in a measly attempt to help his only friend survive a little longer under the scrutiny of System-jie.
Tears rolled down his cheeks.
Shen Qingqiu looked concerned, though; he beckoned Luo Binghe to himself and they spoke for several minutes in hushed voices, and then Luo Binghe distanced himself from both cultivators and unsheathed his sword. Surely he wanted to kill Shang Qinghua and prevent this sad cold death for his laozi, right?
Pillar of a crimson light colour consisting of pure demonic energy went up into the skies, piercing the clouds and allowing a little sunlight to the spot where they were standing. Where Shang Qinghua was freezed up to his waist already. Immediately after that Mobei-jun showed up, covered with slightly glowing blue juice and completely unbothered by it.
What a gorgeous way to summon you, my king, thought Shang Qinghua and sniffed.
Mobei-jun was looking at everyone in an attempt to seize what happened, and his eyes went impossibly wide at the sight of Shang Qinghua, now clad in ice up to his neck. Mobei-jun tried to command the ice surrounding Shang Qinghua by his hand’s movement then doubled the effort, using two hands, but it seemed to do the opposite. His magic caused a small blizzard in this region and when it went down everyone could see a nice statue of Shang Qinghua, full height, covered with transparent ice, tears frozen to his cheeks and face contorted in horror.
He was still alive, but for how long?
Shan Qinghua could see and hear clearly, though: Mobei-jun apparently remembered thay thay were not alone here, and turned to ask Shen Qingqiu what happened. After hearing about the Icewhopper juice deal he only frowned, but at the “As he is fully covered by the ice, he would die in several minutes from now” he visibly paled.
“How do you fix that.”
***
So that was how Shang Qinghua got there: completely frozen, a human popsicle, unable to twitch a muscle or say a word, and listened to Shen Qingqiu’s calm voice:
“The only way to dispel this unfortunate condition is to kiss his lips.”
Mobei-jun still looked furious: after all, the bloody Icewhoppers had to be a little too nimble and annoying for him to kill in a swift fashion. By the time he arrived Shang Qinghua was somehow fully covered by the ice. Also, this ice wouldn’t think to listen to any command from the King Of The North, which might anger anyone less quick-tempered than Mobei-jun. Also he had to kiss Shang Qinghua. Shang Qinghua himself would also be furious about all this at first, maybe, but…
All of his anxious thoughts were gone as he felt a touch of his king’s lips, even through the thin ice on his own. It felt a little clumsy at first, but in a minute Shang Qinghua could discern his king’s closed eyes and the confident touch of his tongue, and then he could do a little more.
He could kiss Mobei-jun back.
In some more minutes they kissed enthusiastically, Shang Qinghua running his hands through Mobei-jun’s hair, and only the pointed cough of Sheng Qingqiu made them separate for a moment.
Had Shang Qinghua ever felt so alive?
“We can leave,” announced Shen Qingqiu and clapped his hands to get rid of the snow on his sleeves.
“How? Did we meet the quest conditions?”
“Yes, we did. My husband was kind enough to help me build a snowman, and you… well, you used the plot device,” he grimaced and then laced his fingers with Luo Binghe. “So my imminent death is postponed again. Good job, gentlemen.”
Shang Qinghua’s knees suddenly wobbled too much and couldn’t keep him standing, and he would’ve fell, if Mobei-jun didn’t catch him in time. He didn’t spare a glance towards Shen Qingqiu, just snapped his fingers to open the portal for them as a subtle hint for them to leave.
Shen Qingqiu left with his husband, leaving behind a perfectly built snowman, lacking only a proper nose.
“W-what should we do now? M-my king?”
“Cold?”
“Not really, no,” Shang Qinghua even touched Mobei-jun’s cold palms with his hot clammy hands and jerked them back immediately. Well, he tried to: Mobei-jun caught his hands in his own and went still like that.
“Then we also make a snowman and then go. And…” he suddenly looked uncertain, “my apologies, Shang Qinghua.”
“W-wha…”
“I didn’t know how to court you properly,” he closed his eyes to put a quick kiss on Shang Qinghua’s lips, making him blush and smile pleasantly. “Now I do.”
If anyone had ever asked Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky whether he would love to build a snowman with the love of his life in the middle of winter nowhere, said Airplane would only laugh, maybe with a hidden sadness in his voice. Now, he gladly gave instructions on making the snowman's head. And he was beyond happy.