Chapter Text
It’s all a blur. Dani can’t recall what she did yesterday or the day before that or the day before that. She can’t recall boarding the plane in Los Angeles or landing in New York. She can’t actively recall any of it.
But life goes on. Every day starts anew and, slowly but surely, her heartbreak morphs into something more manageable. Now and again her mind will drift back to that morning on Gigi’s front step, to the feeling of holding Gigi in her arms one last time, and in reliving those moments she finds acceptance more than anything else.
Reminiscing on the past doesn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. Not like it used to. And it’s a strange feeling, one that she hasn’t learned how to make peace with yet.
There are times when she’ll catch herself desperately wishing, hoping, begging to feel the familiar sting of tears welling in her eyes when she orders a single serving of beef noodles or someone else tries to hold her when she’s sad. Because, as time slips away, she knows that one day the pain will be her only reminder that what they had was real.
She distracts herself by cleaning or answering emails or, as far as today is concerned, decking her halls with boughs of holly.
Well, not really, but she does switch out the kitchen towel for a more festive one and neatly assemble the artificial Christmas tree that she found in the depths of her storage unit in the corner of her living room.
Aside from a handful of mismatched ornaments that are haphazardly strewn about the branches, the tree is barren. There are exactly six presents sitting underneath the tree, five of them gifted to her for networking purposes from her business colleagues.
She showers for far longer than necessary, breathing in the steam and allowing the vapor to go to her head, cleansing her from the inside out, as hot water washes fake pine needles off of her body. She settles down in her bed, opening her laptop to continue clearing out her inbox. Before she knows it, her body grows listless with fatigue and she’s dozing off, the light from her laptop screen illuminating her sleeping form.
Dani sleeps until late morning the next day, clad in an old college sweatshirt and flannel bottoms to shield herself from the plunging temperatures. The day starts like every other, bitterness wafting across her face as she sips her coffee on the couch, cross-legged. A generic ringtone cuts through the air and she raises her phone to her ear as the voice pouring from the speaker sending a fuzzy warmth down her spine.
“Merry Christmas, Dani.”
“Merry Christmas, Micah.”
“How are you?” Micah questions cautiously, the weight of what she has lost fresh in his mind.
A fragile smile springs to her face as she answers in a way that she rarely allows herself to do, with complete honesty. “I’ll be okay.”
They spend time catching up, providing each other with updates and trading stories. Using the day Dani left as a marker, he recounts his time in California in full, sparing no detail. He tells her about how he nearly ran Jon Hamm over with his car and she laughs when he complains about the burgundy on his new shirt from when Sophie splashed her wine into him.
“I hate that you’re spending Christmas alone.”
“It’s not so bad.” Her eyes do a sweep from floor to ceiling, surveying her apartment. “I put the tree up and everything,” she boasts, proud of her handiwork.
He sighs heavily. “I know, but still. It’s not the same without you.”
It dawns on her then that this is the first time in years that they aren’t spending Christmas together. “I miss you, too.”
“Are you ready to open presents?”
“Hold on.” Dani’s voice lights up as she plops down in front of her tree, blanket draped across her lap and a pair of silly slippers on her feet. “Okay, ready! You go first.”
She listens intently to the crinkling of wrapping paper being tossed aside through the phone and waits for his reaction as he pops opens the lid to the container.
“Wow! Thank you for the…coal?”
“They’re cookies!” Dani erupts, genuinely scandalized.
“And you’re sure about that?”
“Yes,” she answers. Her confidence, however, wanes the longer she thinks on it and quickly adds, “But maybe don’t eat them if you value your life.”
Micah laughs heartily and turns the tables. “You’re up.”
She lifts the red gift bag into her lap and reaches in, feeling around for her present. Her fingers prod at cold material and she traces the outline to figure out what it could possibly be, but it’s so oddly-shaped that she’s baffled. She encloses the item in her hand and pries it out to reveal a miniature palm tree. The edges are chipped and the colors have dulled over time, but she recognizes it immediately. It’s a random knick-knack from the first apartment they shared after college and it brings back a symphony of memories.
“Where did you find this?” Dani throws her head back, eyes crinkling at the corners as she laughs.
“I was reorganizing my closet last year and it was buried in that box full of junk I keep on the top shelf.” His voice is full of nostalgia as he says, “A little piece of home to keep with you.”
“I love it, thank you.”
“I’m glad,” Micah says. “Hold on a second, this doesn’t feel fair. I give you a sentimental, heart-warming gift and you get me something that could send me to the hospital?”
Dani rolls her eyes at his antics. “Fine, what do you want?”
He pauses, and with a more serious tone, says, “Dani, all I want is for you to be happy.”
She plays with the palm tree figurine in her hands, eyes glazing over, deep in thought. “That’s a tall order, but I’ll try my best.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too. See you soon.”
“Fuck,” Dani curses under her breath as she balances one of those brown drink carriers from Starbucks in her hands. After waiting twenty minutes in line to order two cups of coffee, she practically had to run to make it in time for her first call.
It’s New Year’s Eve and there’s urgent work that needs to be handled so she asks a small group of employees to come in, personally guaranteeing that they’ll be done by lunch time.
The distinct sound of the elevator bell rings as the doors open on the top floor of the building. She stumbles her way into her office, her body relaxing as she sets her bag and coffees down.
A disheveled man gasping for air barrels into her office not two minutes later. “There you are! We got word David’s bringing his own research to the call and-”
“Good morning, Mohammed!”
Mohammed narrows his eyes, and responds warily, “Good morning.”
“How are you?”
He does a double take when, seemingly out of nowhere, Dani decides to engage in pleasantries. “Come again?”
“How are you? How was your drive in?”
“I’m sorry, what the fuck is going on right now?”
“Just making conversation.” Dani shrugs innocently as she leans against her desk.
“Why?”
“It’s something new that I’m trying. You know, like, being a good person. How am I doing so far?”
Unsure of the right answer, Mohammed flashes her two uneven thumbs up and launches into a spiel about their next call, pushing her out of the door.
They pass the reception desk as they make their way down the hall and Dani deflates because she can’t believe she almost forgot. “I’ll be right back.”
Mohammed calls after her as she dashes back to her office. “Wha- Dani!” Exasperated, he throws his arms up and continues to the conference room without her.
She snatches the extra coffee from where it sits on the corner of her desk and huffs as she whirls around to exit her office once again. Her face lights up when she realizes that Ellie, the receptionist, hasn’t moved from her seat at the front desk.
Dani clears her throat as she approaches and Ellie’s head snaps up. “Hi, Ellie.”
“Shoot, did I forget to send you that contract you asked for?” Ellie types frantically on her computer, her eyes darting across the screen.
“No, no! I just wanted to give you something.” Dani holds out the coffee in her hand with a sheepish smile. “Two sugars, right?”
Ellie’s jaw slackens as her eyes dart down to the cup and she stammers, “What?”
“I heard you like your coffee with two sugars and oat milk. Sorry, it might be cold.”
“I-Yes, I do. Wow, thank you.”
Dani nods with an affiliative smile and at last heads toward her original destination, the conference room.
She’s not stupid and these people aren’t subtle.
She has a tendency to be frank and impersonal with her colleagues at times due to her need to streamline every aspect of her life, so, yes, she understands why everyone’s shocked by the random kindness.
But she came back to New York after closing the door on a part of her past she never intended on revisiting and it’s brought a new sense of freedom to her life. She’s looking to the future with a clean slate and an unlimited amount of potential. In a weird way, she feels reborn.
All eyes are on her as she joins the room full of business executives, but one charming joke later and her tardiness is excused.
Thirty minutes later, the room has been vacated and Mohammed is loosening the tie around his neck as he walks down the hallway with the CEO in tow, sighing in reprieve after their successful meeting. “Crisis averted.”
“For now,” Dani caveats.
“God, where would we be without your unprovoked cynicism?” Mohammed jokes dryly.
“Just for that, I’m demoting you to Summer Intern,” she quips. He chuckles at the empty threat as he follows Dani into her office and is promptly interrupted by the phone ringing from the inside pocket of his sport coat.
“Fuck, it’s the husband. I have to pick up a fog machine and purple leg warmers on my way home.”
Dani scrunches her nose, bewilderment crossing her face.
Mohammed rolls his eyes. “We’re entertaining tonight and Nick’s going a bit overboard.”
Dani swallows the laugh forming in her throat and attempts to sympathize with her colleague. “That sounds like fun.”
“Sure, it’s always fun until my uncle throws back an entire bottle of cheap vodka and tries to tape the fog machine to his ass because he thinks it’ll launch him into space like a rocket.”
The wild story leaves Dani’s mouth hanging open.
“Never mind.” Mohammed twists his arm around to reveal a sleek, black watch on his wrist, checking the time. His fingers move swiftly as he concentrates on typing out a message. “I’m thinking an hour for a quick debrief session should enough and then maybe another thirty to finalize?”
Dani rubs her chin as she superficially mulls over the proposal.
“I’m thinking ten minutes for you to gather your things and another five to walk down to the parking garage.”
“Dani, I’m being serious.”
“As am I,” she asserts.
“We need to review next steps and-”
“Mohammed, it’s bad enough that I made you come in today. Go, be with your family.”
“Are you sure?”
She nods her head with a soft smile, reaffirming her decision.
As he turns to leave, Mohammed clears his throat. “Happy New Year, Dani.”
One by one, the rest of her team trickles into her office to say goodbye as they leave. The sun begins to waver and holiday decorations come to life across the city while fireworks burst with celebration as the sky turns to black outside.
Deciding to hang back and get a jumpstart on plans for next year, Dani’s phone lights up with two new notifications as she’s reviewing financial reports.
Gigi: Happy New Year’s Eve
Gigi: I miss you
Dani presses her lips together into a straight line and her leg starts to bounce unconsciously, her pulse galloping violently in her ears.
It’s a test. Not that anyone’s testing her besides herself, but still.
This is her own personalized version of judgement day, meant to gauge her will-power and whether she’s truly moved on like she claims to have done.
She drums her fingers on the armrest of her chair, suppressing the immediate thought that pops into her head.
And that’s the story of how she ends up lost in the labyrinth of her mind and doesn’t register the sound of squeaky wheels entering her office.
“Oh, Ms. Nuñez. So sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be here this late.” The deep, scratchy voice briefly startles her, but she visibly unwinds when she recognizes the man as Gus, the nighttime janitor, rolling around his handcart of cleaning supplies.
“No rest for the wicked,” Dani jokes with a half-smile as places her phone down.
“Not even during the holidays?”
Dani sighs wistfully. “Not even then.”
“Forgive me, but I have to ask. What are you working on exactly?”
Dani narrows her eyes as she attempts to anticipate where his line of questioning is bound to lead. “I’m not following.”
He tucks his hands behind his back and smiles knowingly. “Well, you must be doing something that’ll change the world on that computer if you’re working on a day like this, right?”
Dani bows her head because “world-changing” is the last word she would use to describe the deck of organizational structure changes that she’s crafting.
“Or are you here because you’re running from something?” he asks with a pitying glance.
She leans back in her chair, hands behind her head as she vacantly glares at the ceiling. “More or less.”
“Take it from me, you can’t run forever. Your lungs will give out eventually.”
“That certainly hasn’t stopped me from trying. Running is probably one of the things I do best,” she reminisces with a crestfallen tone. “Does that make me a bad person?”
It’s paradoxical how natural it feels opening up to a virtual stranger considering it’s the most difficult thing for her to do when it comes to her loved ones.
“We all have our own ways of dealing with things.”
“It’s easier to keep running, you know?” she says, wringing her hands together.
“It’s also much lonelier.” Gus briefly examines the empty office. “Wouldn’t you say?”
“So what do I do?”
“Stop running,” he advises kindly, and shrugs. “Go home.”
Dani bites her lip and nods appreciatively. “Happy New Year, Gus.”
“Happy New Year,” he says back and hauls his cart back into the hallway.
As Dani listens to the screeching of worn out wheels fade into the distance, she spots something glowing on her desk in her peripheral vision only to discover the palm tree that Micah gifted her catching the light from her lamp at the perfect angle.
She leans in close enough to see herself mirrored in the glass figurine, stifling a yawn and taking note of her heavy eyelids.
It’s late and her reflection is telling her to go home, so she gathers her belongings and turns the lights off as she exits her office.
“Don’t go anywhere, Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve will be right back!”
Gigi turns the volume on the television down as the program cuts to commercial.
She smiles widely down at her phone, shaking her head at the silly picture Nat sent of the kids at Alice’s New Year’s Eve bash. She searches for the perfect emoji to reply with and then tosses her phone to the side, biting the skin around her fingernail like she’s waiting for something.
Despite Nat’s incessant pleading, Gigi wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. Dani Nuñez had entered her life just to derail it all over again.
And honestly, she doesn’t know how it happened.
Because she spent years convincing herself that Dani never meant anything to her in the first place. She spent years with her guard up so she wouldn’t get hurt again. She spent years erasing the mark that Dani left on her heart so that, one day, when somebody asked, she would be able to say that the younger woman was nobody to her.
But, if the last couple of weeks have taught her anything, it’s that all of it was a waste. She doesn’t have a choice, Dani will always mean something to her.
She doesn’t know how it happened, but it happened.
So, the day after Dani left, Gigi broke up with Riley. She managed to get her act together long enough to do it in person, but that was it. No warning, no tears, no energy to explain.
That’s how she ends up on a double date with her couch and Ryan Seacrest as it’s about to strike midnight on New Year’s Eve. She doesn’t remember the last time she felt this hollow.
She reaches for her phone again only to navigate to her conversation with Dani. She resorts to manually syncing the device so she can be sure she hasn’t inadvertently missed any incoming messages, but she’s left with nothing new.
All she sees are the two text messages she sent earlier that day and the read receipt indicating that Dani saw the messages hours ago. She hasn’t heard from Dani since she flew back to California and it’s unsettling to think the last memory she will ever have of Dani is that day.
A knock at the door brings her back to reality and her eyes dart back to the television, squinting to decipher the number on the countdown timer below the Times Square Ball. She’s beyond grateful that Nat’s bringing the kids back before midnight. They’ll most likely pass out as soon as they get into bed, which means she can celebrate with a glass of wine and turn in early without having to worry.
Gigi lifts herself off the cushion and saunters to the entryway. Her phones chimes as she’s halfway to the door and she freezes.
It’s Dani. She knows it.
She looks back over her shoulder wistfully and then to the front doorway, whining under her breath when knuckles rap on solid wood once again. She moves swiftly to answer, dread filling her lungs as the distance between her body and her phone increases with every step.
“Enjoy the party?” Gigi asks, half-distracted as she swings the door open in one fluid motion.
Her arms are stretched wide, ready to greet a drunk Nat and two sleep-deprived children, but, instead, the concept of time ceases to exist. Her lips part and her arms go limp in silent disbelief because suddenly, her past, present, and future are all colliding together.
“Dani.”
The younger woman dons business casual like she somehow teleported from her office directly to Gigi’s front step. Her hair is slightly out of place and she looks like she’s fighting to stay awake as the shy, lopsided smile playing on her face gleams under the moon’s brilliance.
“Hi,” Dani breathes.
Gigi’s paralyzed, physically incapable of doing much more than blinking repeatedly in astonishment, and, after the initial surprise, shock sets in.
“H-How…I don’t-” Gigi’s taken aback by the coarseness of her own voice. “I thought you were in New York.”
“I was, until eight hours ago. I managed to catch one of the last flights out of JFK,” Dani explains with her hands deep in her pockets.
Gigi’s mind short-circuits as she processes. “What are you doing here?”
“I missed you.”
“Oh.”
They stand facing one another, suspended in silence and teeming with anticipation so palpable that even the storms on Venus hold their breath.
In that moment, stringing together a sane sentence feels impossible, so Gigi opens her mouth and trusts that whatever comes out will be enough. “I don’t know what to say.”
Dani inhales shakily to center herself because it’s either now or never. “I came to your Christmas party for a reason.”
Intrigued and marginally perplexed, Gigi furrows her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side. Dani takes the opportune moment to elaborate. “I spent that entire night working up the courage to tell you something, but then I met Riley and I saw how happy you were. And, I don’t know, I couldn’t do it.”
Gigi’s chest rises and falls rapidly, each breath passing through her lungs shallower than the last, as she shifts under Dani’s intense gaze.
“But I can’t stop thinking about you. Trust me, I tried and I just can’t. And I know that if I don’t say this now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
Gigi’s heart stumbles over its own rhythm and drops to her stomach.
She wonders if this is it.
If this is the moment.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner and I-”
It is.
“God, shut the fuck up and kiss me.”
Their lips meet in a frenzy, years of unexpressed yearning and passion exploding in a single kiss. Dani’s hands slip under Gigi’s shirt and land on her hips, digging into skin hard enough to leave bruises.
Gigi’s not sure if those are Dani’s tears or her own that she tastes.
“Oh, hold on-” Dani pulls back sharply, fishing her phone out of her pocket to check the time. It’s currently 3:08 AM on the East Coast so when Dani does the mental math, it’s just past midnight in California.
“Happy New Year.”
Sweet laughs, wet with emotion, and barely audible declarations fill the atmosphere as their foreheads touch, noses brushing together gently.
“Happy New Year,” Gigi reciprocates, capturing Dani’s lips with a renewed purpose and tugging her inside by the lapels on her coat, kicking the door shut as they stumble backwards. She has a million questions, but they can wait.
“Wait, Riley-”
“We broke up.”
Gigi deepens the kiss and pushes Dani up against the wall with a soft thud, bodies flush against one another. Nimble and precise, she unfastens the buttons on Dani’s shirt, exposing tan skin.
Her lips ghost the younger woman’s right shoulder as she pulls the strap of Dani’s bra between her teeth, biting into the material before pulling back and allowing it to snap back into place harshly, and Dani inhales sharply at the pain. Desire, hot and thick, shoots through her body, begging to be let loose, when Gigi presses her tongue to the angry red skin to soothe the stinging.
“Fuck,” Dani breathes.
Gigi leaves kisses along the curve of her shoulder until she reaches her neck and Dani’s mouth falls open with a gasp, her back arching off the wall.
“Harder.”
Who is Gigi to deny her?
Open-mouthed kisses cover the column of her throat, firmer, as Gigi draws in flesh harder and then drags her tongue back up the same path, eliciting strangled sighs from Dani’s mouth involuntarily.
Gigi wants to take her time. She wants to worship Dani, drive her to the edge just to draw her back in, and show her exactly how much she’s missed her.
So when arousal pools low in her stomach uncontrollably, Gigi slows her assault and pants heavily into Dani’s neck, clouds of hot air hitting sensitive skin as she tries to collect herself. She clutches desperately at Dani’s collar like she’s fighting the urge to continue and Dani grows impatient underneath her.
“Please.”
Dani knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows how much Gigi loves to hear her beg. And it works because Gigi loses any semblance of control she has left.
Her hands travel down Dani’s frame to scrape blunt nails over her abdomen, taut muscles contracting under the tantalizing touch. She withdraws from the kiss in that same moment, leaving Dani breathless and whining against her mouth.
“Please, what?” Gigi asks with a commanding voice, steady and firm.
Pouring the words into Gigi’s mouth, Dani answers without hesitation. “I need you.”
And then, just like that, Gigi slows things down, moving her fingertips down the length of Dani’s arm to intertwine their hands.
Gigi grounds Dani like only she knows how, keeping her from getting lost in the moment.
Dani loses herself in Gigi’s eyes instead.
Light peeks through the window as the sun takes its place in the sky, signaling the beginning of a new day. Gigi groans as the sunshine hits her skin, scrambling to lift the covers over her head and block the light from her eyes. She hears Dani stirring behind her, warmth radiating between their bodies as Dani moves closer.
“Hi,” Dani hums, her voice thick and raspy with sleep as she stifles a yawn. She peppers the nape of Gigi’s neck with gentle kisses.
Gigi fidgets when strong arms wrap around her waist, blinking the lavender haze from her vision as her eyes adjust to the morning. She rolls onto her side to face the younger woman and Dani greets her with a lazy smile.
Captivated, Dani delicately runs her fingers along Gigi’s jaw to be certain she isn’t dreaming. The bliss rushing through her blood after waking up next to her is otherworldly. It’s like Gigi’s eyes are liquor and her body is gold and Dani can’t get enough.
She’s never been one for mythology, but she imagines this is what it would feel like to be in the presence of a Siren. But instead of having the power to lure sailors to their demise with a song, this one has the power to ruin her life with a single look.
The words slip out unconsciously then. “I think I’m obsessed with you.”
A forced smile flickers across Gigi’s face like a faulty lightbulb and her eyes fixate on everything except for the woman in front of her. A wave of nausea hits her as she processes the events of the previous night and the bile that’s rising in her throat burns.
She abruptly breaks out of Dani’s hold, swinging her legs over the edge of the mattress. She shivers when the cold air envelops her body and she immediately rifles through the discarded clothes on the floor, flinging the shirt she wore last night over her head.
Sensing the sudden shift, Dani sits up against the headboard and drapes the sheets across her bare body. “What’s wrong?”
Gigi moves around the room, keeping her back turned to the bed. “Nothing.”
Dani’s left to fend for herself as Gigi walks out of the room without sparing her a second glance. She climbs out of bed and grabs the first piece of clothing at her disposal as she chases after Gigi.
Struggling to slip her arms into Gigi’s signature silk robe, Dani follows the older woman to the kitchen where she’s searching the refrigerator and asks, “Did I do something wrong?”
If the kids were around she would’ve paid more attention to her state of undress, but Gigi had pried herself off of Dani last night long enough to check her phone and find that Nat and the kids were spending the night at Alice’s place.
Gigi carelessly tosses a carton of eggs onto the counter. “No.”
“You’re clearly upset.”
“I’m fine,” Gigi insists, her lips pursed as she violently cracks the eggs and whisks the yolks in a bowl.
“Can we talk about this?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
Dani jumps out of the way when Gigi carries a knife across the room, blade first. “Will you at least look at me?”
Gigi does an excellent job ignoring her presence and, frustrated, Dani throws her head back and groans. She inserts herself directly into Gigi’s line of sight, cutting off her route to the oven and bringing her to a halt.
“Gigi, stop.” She grasps Gigi’s hands in her own and notices dismay growing in her eyes. It all clicks and Dani’s throat closes up because it feels like someone’s forcing dry cotton down her trachea. “Do you regret it?”
“Yes.”
She retracts her hands involuntarily, like she’s been scorched by fire, and anguish cuts her heart, serrated, as it slices through beating muscle and tissue. “You don’t mean that.”
Gigi screws her eyes shut with a pained expression on her face as she crosses her arms.
Dani’s face drops as the unexpected silence gnaws at her insides. “Tell me you don’t mean that.”
“Dani, don’t do this.” The haunted look in Dani’s eyes is one Gigi won’t be able to forget anytime soon.
“But I love you,” Dani says innocently, like it has the power to fix all of their problems.
“That’s not fucking enough! I wish it was, but it’s not. And I can’t put myself through this again, I can’t-”
“I know I hurt you, and I don’t expect you to forget about what happened, but I’m asking you for a second chance.”
Gigi exhales shakily as she spirals thinking about the prospect of having to put her heart on the line, again. Trusting Dani is a risk and it’s one she can’t be sure she’s willing to take.
“Please, I want to be better.”
“I want to believe you.” Gigi bows her head.
“I know you do.”
“Do you know how fucking draining long distance relationships are?”
“We’ll make it work. I’ll visit you and you can come to New York, I-” Dani guides Gigi’s hand to rest flatly against her chest, just above her heart. “You’re it for me.”
The inner corners of Gigi’s eyebrows angle upward as her eyes search every inch of Dani’s face. Her fingers twitch involuntarily when she feels Dani’s heartbeat race under her palm.
“Are you in?” Dani poses, hoping against hope.
An imperceptible gasp of surprise falls from Gigi’s mouth when, against her own volition, her heart answers the question on her behalf as she nods her head.
Overwhelmed, Dani grabs Gigi by the waist and lifts her feet a few inches off the ground, spinning her in the air with unbridled joy. It’s infectious and apparently transmissible as Gigi squirms in Dani’s arms, protesting in between laughs and basking in the euphoria of physically feeling the tear that Dani ripped into the fabric of her life start to mend.