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Kakashi wakes up to pounding pain crushing his temples. It’s more and more often like that these days. While Naruto had reconstructed his left eye with his Yin-Yang release, his body had still suffered the consequences of almost fifteen years of using a borrowed Sharingan. Since he didn’t have the natural constitution to bear the pupils as the Uchihas did, and as he couldn’t deactivate it, his nerves had inevitably burned under the 24/7 heavy chakra flux they had been forced to handle. Sakura had tried all she could, but at this point even she didn’t had the power to restore the physiological and chakra connections from his new eye to his brain. The right one wasn’t doing much better after compensating for the other for over a decade and then doing paperwork for another one. He doesn’t remember the last time he had a fully pain-free day.
Today is particularly bad though. He had gotten to bed with a little-above-average tightness in his eyes, hoping it would have mostly faded in the morning, but his prayers had obviously not been answered this time.
He doesn’t open his eyes. He knows that any kind of movement will make it worse and the light coming through his closed lids already feels like his nerves are catching on fire. He doesn’t need to for now anyway. He has grown used to using his other senses over the years and he doesn’t need to see to feel Gai’s soft warmth next to him and to know, judging by his breathing pattern, that however still he might be he is awake as well.
It’s not exactly good news. Gai is not Kakashi, and hanging in bed in the morning is not something he would voluntarily choose. (Although it could happen when Kakashi was proving to be convincing enough.) It’s not fully surprising either. It had been decades since Gai had opened the Gate of Death against Madara, but just as with Kakashi’s eyes, the damage was here to last for as long as his body would be alive to feel the pain.
One thing had changed however in the past years: Kakashi had come to the realization that being alive and in pain, physical or otherwise, was actually preferable to being dead. (Especially when being alive implied waking up next to Gai every morning, one would add.)
On the other side of the bed, Gai for his part has opened his eyes and is staring at his leg in a desperate hope for his brain to realize he could not be hurting from a body part that wasn’t actually there, but the attempt wasn’t exactly successful yet, his missing leg burning like he had last opened the Gates minutes ago.
After years of physical therapy and countless surgeries, coming to the conclusion that his left leg was beyond repair, the medical team and he had eventually come to the agreement of getting him amputated below the knee. The pain of the shattered bones biting on his flesh and nerves was insufferable and the burden of wearing bandages after casts had made him take the leap. He had not regret anything. The pain had become far more bearable on most days, showers were a lot less tricky, and he could finally go to the hot spring with his husband without twisting his body in uncomfortable positions to keep his foot out of the water. The pressure on his residual limb was too painful for him to wear a prosthetic so the surgery did not give him any more hope of walking again without crutches, but he didn’t mind the wheelchair anyway. It was as much of a sport as walking or running, and learning new ways to navigate the world and use his body had proven to be a stimulating challenge when the pain and struggle wasn’t driving him insane.
He can’t refrain a painful grunt at the sudden electric shock through the sole of his absent foot. Today might alas be one of those days.
Kakashi giggles next to him, his laugh quickly aborted in an aching whimper. “We are a quite pathetic pair of broken old men, aren’t we?” He says and Gai gasps at the offense.
“Talk for yourself Rival, I’m still in the primetime of my youth!”
There’s a slight arching of Kakashi’s brows. “Oh, is that so? That’s great! That way I’m sure you won’t mind hopping to the closet to get me my blindfold, will you?”
Gai doesn’t answer.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought too.”
He bites his thumb and lets his palm fall down on the mattress next to him, summoning Pakkun in a puff of smoke. “Hey, boss.”
Gai raises his head to greet him over Kakashi.
“Good morning Esteemed Furry Friend!”
There’s a simultaneous rambling coming from the man and the pug. Something along the line of “Why the hell would you call me that?” and “Please stop speaking so loud.”, both in the exact same grumpy tone, a detail that doesn’t fail to make Gai smile. He only answers Pakkun, but his voice is lower than before.
“Well, you are our friend, and we esteem you, and you are furry.” He explains like it makes a lot of sense, and in a way it does. Pakkun opts for not pursuing the argument further and turns towards Kakashi, his tiny head tilting at his closed eyes and tensed face.
“Are you okay, boss?”
Kakashi grunts again.
“Bad migraine day.”
Gai bends over Kakashi to whisper at Pakkun with a serious face.
“He’s getting old, you know. He’s not like you and me anymore.”
Kakashi dismissively waves his hand at his husband.
“Don’t listen to him, he’s agonizing too. Can you bring me my old forehead protector? Left cabinet, top drawer. Also, two cold packs from the freezer.”
Pakkun mumbles something about being a retired dog who wasn’t supposed to be given orders anymore but still complies. While Ninken were not growing old at the same pace as regular dogs, they were still aging, and Kakashi’s pack had retired with him after he gave the hat to Naruto. Urushi and Akino had passed away in the last few years and Kakashi would regularly burn some myrrh incense for them on the altar in their living room. They had put it together when Gai wasn’t able to go to the cemetery by himself yet, and they used it for their fathers, teammates, students… For Shinobi of their age the list was long, but it wasn’t so sad anymore. Time and mornings waking up to the man one loved did heal, after all.
Kakashi sighs of relief when the cold pack is placed on his eyes, Pakkun giving the second one for Gai to put his leg on.
“Thank you very much, dear companion! Your assistance is deeply appreciated.”
Pakkun tries to keep a detached face but his waggy tail at Gai scratching the back of his ears doesn’t go unnoticed on the man’s part.
“Just don’t forget to invite me for treats when you senior citizens feel better.” He eventually says before poofing away without letting a chance to any of the two to argue back.
Kakashi sighs.
“I should have raised that little brat better.” He lets out and Gai laughs at his side.
“Don’t be so disrespectful, Rival, he’s a great dog. And you already look more relaxed than you used to before that cold pack.”
Gai is not completely wrong here. Although he could still swear someone is carving the inside of his skull with a spoon, it is a little more manageable than a few minutes ago. He straightens a bit with a grunt, resting himself against the wall at the head of the bed, cold pack tied on his face with his old forehead protector. “Give me your leg.”
Gai shakes his head.
“Don’t worry about me, Rival! I’ll be okay. I feel rejuvenated by that ice already, it’s manageable.”
Kakashi would roll his eyes if it didn’t feel like it might make his brain explode. Gai was able to fool a lot of people with his enthusiasm, but Kakashi was not one of them. He was the one that had seen him cry in pain and frustration when he thought to be alone during his recovery, the one that had spent months waking up to the sound of his nightmares and burning nerves in the middle of the night, the one to witness his silent distress and fake reassuring smiles and there was no way he wouldn’t notice the tension in Gai’s tone.
“We’ve been married ten years Gai, you can’t lie to me that easily, get here. Plus, I could frankly really use a distraction right now.”
Gai starts sitting up, half leaning against the wall the time of putting a few pillows at the other end of the bed.
“If it’s to help you Rival, then I can’t refuse!”
Kakashi doesn’t argue back. He knows bringing Gai’s façade down to be a lost cause and as long as he can still get him to agree being taken care of, his mission is complete. He’s not really in a position to be critical about not letting one’s emotional guard down anyway.
Gai lies back down in front of him, placing his stump on his lap and Kakashi takes a deep breath, kneading some chakra and waiting until he feels the familiar tingling of lightning running through his fingers to take Gai’s legs in his hand, applying pressure and light electric shock on what he knows to be Gai’s most painful spots.
“Phantom pain is caused by the nerves and chakra paths sending dysfunctional signals as a reaction to the damage they suffered and not being able to reach the missing limb as they used to.” Sakura had explained. “We have buried the nerves ending in your remaining muscles to give them something to chew on but there’s not much else we can do besides carrying on with mirror therapy. Some people also find stimulating their residual limb to help, by massaging it or applying cold or heat on their stump for example.”
Gai’s exhale gets louder as he tries to breathe through the pain under Kakashi’s fingers. It usually gets worse before it gets better, they both know it and Gai doesn’t tell Kakashi to pause so he carries on, kneading the flesh in his hands, sending regular shocks through his cut out nerves, letting himself bath in the familiar movement and sensations, his own pain backing off a little as he does.
“What if I zap him?” Kakashi had eventually asked after staying silent for the whole consultation. He knew Gai didn’t like him interfering with his medical appointments, only bringing him along so he wouldn’t have to explain what the doctors had said all over again and he could just move on from the event once back home, but Gai’s pain levels had started to grow out of control over the past weeks and it was hard containing his worry at this point.
The muscles start relaxing in his hands and something settles in Gai’s breathing. It has taken them longer than usual to reach that point, he notes. Gai must have been in even more pain than he had previously thought.
“Nerve signals are electric, right?” He had asked faced with Sakura’s doubtful frown. “Yes.” “So if I zapped the nerve endings with my Raiton, that could help with the deprivation, couldn’t it?” She had taken a few seconds to think about it. “I assume it might, but I can’t say for sure. What I know is I’m not allowing you to train on your husband though, the nerve damage hazard if you were to mess up is way too important, and I’m not trusting any of you two about taking measured risks.” Both of them had opened their mouths to protest at the same time before she had cut them. “I am not listening to you. Anyone working in that hospital knows you are some of the worst patients to have because you don’t possess the slightest sense of self-preservation, and it’s worse when you are with one another.” Something in her gaze had discouraged them from arguing further. She was also not exactly wrong and they knew it. “If Gai is on board with this I can lend you a medical practice dummy to work on. But if I don’t approve whatever you come up with you are forbidden to ever use it on anyone, is that clear? I will ask Shikamaru to classify it as a forbidden jutsu if I have to.” Her serious face had eventually turned into a grin when she had added: “And don’t even think about arguing with him, no one who has suffered your old couple squabble daily for a decade can still be on your side. He won’t back you up.” And it had settled on those terms.
Kakashi is drawn out of his thoughts by a painful grunt coming from Gai’s end and the leg being removed from his hands. The electricity leaves his fingers right away, and he pulls his headband off to land a worried gaze on his husband. His eyes are closed, half-hidden under the deep frown of his massive eyebrows. It’s a rare sight, Gai’s face twisted in pain, but it’s definitely not a pleasant one.
“Gai! Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
Gai shakes his head, evidently still in too much pain to talk it out, pressing his stump between his palm and against his chest.
It’s been a while since it has been that bad, every single particle of his absent leg catching on fire, blood vessels and nerves and chakra path run through by burning liquid metal and electricity. He barely feels the contact of his own hands against his skin through the haze of it.
Kakashi stays sitting there, knowing there’s nothing he can do but wait for Gai to go through it, the sunlight bringing his migraine back to full blast, but ultimately unable to close his eyes on his husband’s distress.
After a few more minutes of pained whines and shaky forced exhales, things seem to settle down a little and Kakashi opts for placing a hand on Gai’s good leg as a silent support, thumb tracing circles on his calf.
“You tell me if you need anything, uh?” Being helpless in front of the suffering of his loved ones had never been something he was good at handling, although maybe he should have grown used to it with how recurring of a pattern it had become very early on in his life.
Gai nods.
“It’s nothing. Just a bad flare up. It will be gone in no time.”
It sounds like they’re just words he learned and plays back when prompted, but he’s not even trying to get Kakashi to believe him at this point.
“Gai, you don’t have to lie to comfort me. I signed up for all of this when I married you.”
He doesn’t get an answer.
“Do you want us to pass by the hospital today?”
Gai shakes his head.
“There’s nothing more they can do. If I have to be in pain either way, I’d rather be at home with you.”
He lays back his leg on Kakashi’s lap.
“How’s your migraine?”
“Pretty terrible. I think we’re both in for a day in bed listening to each other whining.”
A short burst of laughter comes out of Gai’s chest, still somewhat tense, but Kakashi feels his shoulder instantly relaxing at the sound of it.
“There are worse ways to spend one’s time!”
Kakashi shrugs, putting his make-do blindfold back, his fingers finding their way to Gai’s skin on their own. He finds himself wishing he could live in the sensation of his skin under his fingers and never have to feel anything else.
“I suppose you’re right.”