Chapter Text
His eyes opened slowly, feeling almost as if they’d been welded together by sleep, and not wanted to open for the longest time.
That was when he suddenly became aware of the familiar feeling of a mattress and expensive sheets beneath him.
Not a cold, torturous grave.
With a small groan, he opened his eyes, taking in the area around him.
He was in a bed.
Was he dead?
He wasn’t sure that he’d wake up.
Slowly sitting up, he found that the heaviness of remorse and guilt that had been dragging him deeper and deeper down into the depths of hell was slowly lifting, and in its place, he found himself being filled with relief.
Boundless, wonderful, relief.
And joy!
God, he’d never realized how foreign that feeling had been!!!
Tears filled his eyes as a smile spread across his face, he looked at the ceiling, not knowing what in particular he was looking at, but he found himself crying as he smiled.
“Thank you…” he whispered, knowing that wherever they were, the Spirits could hear him. Hoping that they could hear his gratitude wherever they were, “ Thank you!!”
He laughed as he jumped out of his bed, relishing in the feeling of his feet on the cool hardwood of his floor. He was laughing, the kind of laugh that sounded almost like he was bordering on sobbing, but he didn’t care. He was alive! He’d been given another chance! He’d been given another chance at life and redeeming himself! He’d been given the chance to be a better man. To be a better person and love his fellow men in the way he should have been a long time ago.
He laughed again, a kind of laugh that made him feel like he was severely out of practice, and yet, somehow, it seemed to wash away most of the fear and pain that he’d not even realized had been festering in his life for as long as it had been.
He ran to the window, to the small balcony he’d never once used before, and laughed as he threw the door open. The cold air of the morning greeted him as he smiled out into the world that suddenly looked so different. It really wasn’t all that different, but now he could see it for its true beauty and wonder that he’d never realized it had possessed. He was laughing like a madman, even as his feet were freezing cold against the snow on his small balcony. He didn’t care.
As he breathed in the scent of snow, that smoky scent that was almost like rain, he couldn’t help but smile. It was then that he realized that he wasn’t entirely sure what day it was.
He looked out and caught sight of a group of boys playing in the snow, all of them bundled up and cozy. Three of the boys were throwing snowballs at the smallest one, who was running in the opposite direction, shouting his protests with his brothers. He recognized the four as the Monroe boys, the children of Linda and Gerald Monroe, left to play alone outside while the older boys pummeled the littlest one. Part of Ted wanted to shout out in anger at the older boys for relentlessly teasing the youngest, but it was clear that when the front door of the large expensive Monroe home opened, and Linda Monroe herself started yelling at the three older ones to cut their ‘bullshit’ out, he knew she had it covered. He looked down in concern as the youngest one picked himself up, just a few feet away from the fence that marked Ted’s property.
“Hey!” Ted called to the little boy, “Hey, you!!”
The little boy, with blond hair and dark skin, as well as big brown eyes, straightened up, looking up at Ted with wide eyes, looking a little bit more afraid than before. It was then that Ted realized that he’d probably only given an impression of being the scary neighbor to the little boy and his brothers. Well, now was the time to change that.
“I’m s-sorry, Mr. Spankoffski!!” the boy’s high-pitched, squeaky voice sounded back up to him, “I’ll get away from your house! Sorry, it won’t happen again!!”
“Wait!!” Ted shouted, “Please don’t run away! I didn’t mean to scare you! I was just wondering…could you tell me what today is?”
The boy froze for a moment, looking confused as he walked a little closer to the fence.
“What’s today?” he echoed, calling back to Ted as if he wasn’t entirely sure that he’d heard him correctly.
“Yeah!” Ted nodded, “What’s today?”
The little boy, for a moment, looked genuinely confused and concerned before finally calling back up at him.
“It’s…” he sounded a little bit confused, “It’s Christmas!!!”
Ted laughed at the sound of the word. God, a word he’d once despised had never sounded so beautiful to him before. He couldn’t believe it.
It was Christmas day!!!
He laughed and waved at the little boy, who smiled and ran off in the direction of where his mother was calling, leaving Ted smiling and laughing on the balcony.
Holy shit, it was Christmas!
What should he do?
He swallowed hard for a moment as his mind raced through everything that had been presented to him the night before, whether it was a dream or reality, he had so many ideas for what he could do today and how he could fit it all in.
Peter!
Of course! He could go over to his brother’s and ask him if the invitation for Christmas dinner with him and Stephanie still stood. He could even bring over some food and alcohol for all of them and give Peter the proper family Christmas that he’d never gotten before. A long-overdue Christmas together…if Peter still wanted him to be there.
Still, it was worth a shot. If Peter would have him for Christmas then by God, Ted would be there.
What else could he do?
Paul!
He could bring food over for his family!!
However, the longer he thought about it, the more it seemed like less and less of a good idea. He’d probably make Paul feel threatened, or like he’d done something wrong, as well as interrupt some quality family time that he’d never given the man the chance to have. What mattered was that he got time with his wife and children. Every second Paul had with them mattered, and Ted wouldn’t interfere with that, besides, Paul had earned it with all the work he was doing on the regular.
Still…that didn’t mean he couldn’t send him something.
Before he knew it, he was checking for any restaurants that were open and still did delivery, while trying to figure out from Paul and Emma’s social media platforms, which kinds of food they and their kids liked to eat. The next thing he knew, he was on the phone, ordering food for the family and sending it over, giving them express directions not to tell them where the food was coming from. He hoped with everything that he had that this would be good for the family. From what he’d seen the night before, it didn’t look like they were going to have much of a Christmas feast anyway, so he hoped that what he was doing was helping more than hurting.
Once the food was ordered and paid for, he rushed to his bathroom and started to shave, making sure his mustache looked neat and not like he was hungover. Miraculously, despite the almost-empty bottle of scotch on the nightstand, he found that he didn’t have a headache, and was actually shaking with excitement from the fact that it was Christmas. He didn’t want to go to his brother's house looking like he was drunk, or like he had a stick stuck up his ass…but rather like himself. As the man, his brother had once known him to be.
He threw on a mustard sweater and black slacks, making sure he looked presentable and not like the stiff businessman he couldn’t believe he’d let himself become, before grabbing a scarf, his coat, and heading out. He picked out a nice bottle of wine on his way out, also grabbing some whiskey, as he didn’t know what Stephanie might have liked, before getting in his car and heading to the small grocery store a few blocks away in his car.
It was so strange, somehow, everything seemed miraculous now, he realized as he drove around the town.
The lights, the trees, the decorations that the town council had worked so hard to put up.
It was all so beautiful.
As he drove past the lovely homes and decorations, he couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. He felt so much happier and lighter, and he didn’t know what to do with himself.
He stopped in front of the small local grocery store, the only one that was open during the holidays, and went inside, saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to everyone he passed. He noticed as he walked, that the people who nodded and repeated the phrase with small smiles had to stop and do a double-take as if they were considering if it was really Ted Spankoffski that they’d seen. Honestly, given the way that he interacted with the rest of the world up until this point, he couldn’t blame them. But the funny looks were better than the looks he normally received, which were looks of fear and intimidation. How he’d not seen the fault in that before, he’d never know, but now was the time to remedy that. Now was the time to prove himself as a standup human being, who genuinely cared for his fellow citizens.
As he walked through the store, grabbing a chocolate cream pie, which he remembered as Peter’s favorite (at least, as it had been when he was much younger), as well as a box of cookies, he stopped in his tracks as he recognized the form of Mercy Chastity and her daughter, stockpiling soup cans and other nonperishables into a cart.
He cringed inwardly as he remembered the intolerable and angry words that he’d thrown in the woman’s face the day before.
Well, it was never too late to set things right. The Spirits had taught him as much the night before.
As he started to tentatively approach the two women, the daughter, who couldn’t have been older than Pete’s age, looked up, her green eyes widening. For a moment, she just stared, as if she didn’t know what to make of the man coming towards them before it was clear that her intentions were protective, stepping in front of her mother before Mercy could even realize that he was there.
“Grace, what on Earth are you…” Mercy finally looked up from the soup cans and drew back when she saw him coming, looking almost as if she were a deer in headlights, unsure if she wanted to run, or walk up and say something to him herself. Always on the borderline of fight or flight, “M-Mr. Spankoffski…”
Her voice was haughty, as if she didn’t want to be saying hello to him, but found herself saying it all the same, though he could tell that she was holding off from wishing him a Merry Christmas.
“Hello, Mrs. Chastity,” he greeted, smiling sheepishly, “I…um…I just wanted to apologize for being…well, an asshole yesterday…”
For a moment, Mrs. Chastity looked like she was about to give him a piece of her mind, but was stunned when she realized that the tone of his voice was genuine. And he hoped it sounded as much. He didn’t want her to think that he was playing her in any way.
“Um…” she stammered, “Wait…what?”
“I was horrible to you,” he breathed, smiling slightly, “I know you’re only trying to do good for this city and for the people in it, and I’m truly sorry for how rude I was yesterday. I hope you can forgive me…”
Mercy’s face softened as she looked at him, her hand fiddling with the string of pearls around her neck.
“I…” she breathed, “I mean…It wouldn’t be very good of me to not forgive you…God already has.”
Ted chuckled, he supposed that was an acceptance of an apology from the woman.
He smiled as he went on, “Um…I hope it’s not too late to make a donation, especially when you think about how right you are. I think a nice new homeless shelter is what this town needs…and I’d love to help you raise funds for it…if it’s not too late?”
Mercy smiled, looking a little surprised at the sudden change of heart, “Of…Of course, sir. Any funds help at all,” she laughed, looking at her daughter as if she should be worried, but the girl said nothing, just watching.
Ted merely smiled as he fished out his checkbook from his pocket and quickly wrote a large number on it, before passing it along to the woman with a small smile, “Merry Christmas, Mercy.”
Mercy took the check gently and looked down at it, but when her eyes fell on the number, Ted could have sworn they were going to pop out of the woman’s head.
“M-Mr. Spankoffski…” she whispered, “I-I don’t know what to say-”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Ted smiled, “And I’d like to set up a meeting with you in the future to discuss continual back-payments, to make sure this shelter gets the financial support it needs.”
Mercy smiled widely, looking up at him in shock, “You’re serious…this isn’t a trick?”
“No trick,” Ted said, smiling as genuinely as he could, “Consider it my apology for being so horrible to you. And if the members of your mission ever need to come inside or the front of a building to minister to you, my building’s always open.”
Mercy smiled again, looking almost as if she didn’t believe it, but accepted it all the same.
They stood there, chatting a little bit about their Christmas plans, and Ted was suddenly very interested to hear about Mercy’s family, about her daughter, Grace, about how they’d gotten involved with the mission and how they were going to go to the Christmas service at the local church shortly after their grocery-store run. Ted was surprised, he’d never realized that people like Mercy Chastity and her daughter could have such complex lives. How they could have lives of their own, their own struggles, their own flaws, their own joys, and he’d never had the sense to recognize it. How the hell had he existed like this up until this point?
And for a moment, Mercy allowed him to talk about his own views on Christmas, and while he didn’t necessarily want to explain the supernatural ordeal he’d been through the night before, he figured a drastic change of heart was a good enough explanation.
They were standing there talking for a good fifteen minutes before Ted remembered why he was there.
“We really must talk more often, Mrs. Chastity,” Ted laughed, “But I must run now to my brother’s for Christmas dinner.”
“Of course!” Mercy smiled, “I must say, Mr. Spankoffski, it truly is a surprise to see you like this…”
“It is to me too,” Ted smiled, “We can set up a meeting for January so we can discuss CCRP’s involvement in helping you with your mission, but I’ve got to run now.”
“Okay, sounds wonderful,” Mercy smiled, “Merry Christmas, Mr. Spankoffski, you enjoy Christmas with your brother!”
“I will! Merry Christmas!!” Ted smiled before walking hastily to the checkout, where he thanked the cashier for working on Christmas and heading out to his car.
It was funny, even though he didn’t know the exact address to his brother’s apartment, somehow he found the way, driving through town and finding the building with little to no trouble. However, as he parked his car in front of the apartment complex, he suddenly felt anxiety unlike anything else he’d ever felt before filling him.
What if Peter turned him away?
What if the years of turning his brother away were enough for the man to grow resentful of him? What if the years of his own anger and resentment being taken out on Peter were enough to make the man hate him? He didn’t know what to think, but even though his brother had invited him yesterday, who was to say that the invitation still stood?
He swallowed hard.
As much as he wanted to be a part of his brother’s life now, he couldn’t deny the history that he had of turning him away…and now, his brother had every right in the world to do the same to him.
And he wouldn’t blame him.
Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try, would it?
He sighed as he started to make his way up the stairs through the apartment, explaining to the person at the front desk, who he assumed was supposed to function as a doorman, that he was Pete’s brother. Not that the man seemed to care, as he gave him the door number right away.
He could practically hear his heart in his ears as he started to walk down the hallways and stood in the elevator, holding the alcohol and goods that he hoped would at the very least have some good faith with his brother’s girlfriend in a death grip.
He had never felt this nervous about anything in his life…well, other than coming face to face with that goat demon, and his own fate.
He wondered if the Matthews-Perkins family had received the food he’d ordered for them, and wondered if the children were having a great day with their father, who was almost never home. A man he’d worked to the bone and not given any leeway on anything before. Of course, he didn’t really care about what they thought of the food he’d sent, he’d just wanted to find some way to give them a Christmas gift to start making up for the years of disdain and a lack of caring that he’d displayed. He hoped that Paul and his family had the best Christmas ever because they were together, and that seemed to be more than enough for them.
How had he never realized that being with his brother for Christmas…and not even just this one holiday, but every holiday or any chance that he could get…was more than enough when it came to a supply of happiness. In some ways, he thought of Emma and Paul and their joy from simply being together with their family. Together and happy. It seemed to be one that couldn’t come without the other, and he couldn’t imagine living life any longer without giving his brother any further thought. He couldn’t imagine treating his brother with further disdain.
If Peter were to turn him away, he wouldn’t blame him…but he’d be damned if he took him for granted ever again.
As he came to the door that he now knew was his brother’s he swallowed hard, trying his best to work up the courage to knock. It was almost as if he knew for sure that this was right. That this was the best way for him to try and make amends…of course, that didn’t mean that solving the issue was going to be any easier.
But…there was only one way to know for sure if that was what the end would be.
With a heavy sigh and a hard swallow, he knocked on the door to the apartment.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
He wondered briefly how long he’d been standing there. It couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds, and yet, it had felt like an eternity in itself.
This small eternity seemed to last a few centuries long before the door was slowly and tentatively opened, revealing Peter, dressed in a red holiday sweater and sweatpants, his brown hair messy and standing on end, as it always had when he was younger, and his glasses looking crooked as he stared at Ted, almost as if he couldn’t quite believe that he was there in front of him. As if this was a hallucination.
God…when did his brother grow up?
Somehow, Ted could still picture the little kid with missing teeth and a happy smile. A laugh that was so infectious that it seemed to make everything bad in the world go away. A kid who was always careful about his blood sugar, and more careful than Ted was about anything else in his life, and yet, seeing him as an adult now…God…it only seemed to scream at him how much he’d been missing.
“Um…” Ted whispered after a moment of just staring at his brother, “Hi…”
Peter said nothing for a moment, looking a little confused before nodding, his voice hardly above a whisper, “Hi.”
“Um…” Ted shuffled his feet a little bit, “I…Nice…building.”
Seriously?
Nice building ?
That was all that he could think to say to a man who was staring him down as if he were a complete and total stranger?
“Thanks,” came Pete’s quiet reply. He looked a little confused still, but almost as if he wanted to let Ted speak.
“Um…” Ted was fighting for words, “I’m…I’m sorry.”
He was silent for a moment, and Pete said nothing. As if he was waiting as if he couldn’t think of what to say.
“I’ve…I’ve been the biggest fucking idiot ,” Ted whispered, staring down at his feet for a moment before meeting his brother’s eyes, “And an asshole. All these years, I’ve ignored you, and been unkind…and pushing you away.”
When he met Pete’s eyes, he could see the confused expression soften, as if the brother he’d hardly taken the chance to know had started to consider the weight and the truth behind his words.
“Um…I…um… shit, ” Ted swallowed hard, “You know…I realized last night, I hadn’t even bothered to remember your girlfriend’s name…and honestly, I didn’t even remember you had a girlfriend until you mentioned it yesterday…and, for that, I am so sorry.”
He felt tears sting the back of his eyes and he started to fidget under the weight of his confession, of his anxiety and fear.
“I’ve been the biggest asshole to you,” he went on, “And I’ve never taken the time to get to know you…after I got the job I have, I guess I just…I stopped caring.”
It was the truth.
A brutal truth… but the truth all the same.
He shook his head, “I don’t want to live that way anymore,” he swallowed again and met Pete’s big brown eyes, “I don’t want to be a stranger to you. I want to be there for you, and give you a brother to be proud of. A brother you can always call on when something’s wrong…and that’s something…something I should have done since you were born. The fact that I haven’t is fucking inexcusable, and I understand completely if you don’t want me around.”
He nodded, acknowledging that Peter had every single right in the world to tell him to leave. He owed his brother that. He owed his brother every chance in the world to tell him to fuck off. Which is what he deserved at the very least.
“If you want me to fuck off,” he breathed, “Tell me, and I’ll go. But…if you can forgive me…and if the invitation still stands…I’d love to have dinner with you and Stephanie.”
There was a moment where Pete just stood there…and he was worried for a moment that he’d said something wrong. That his brother’d had enough with him and was done with trying to make amends. He was just about to turn and leave before a small smile started to spread across his brother’s face.
“Is that whiskey?” Pete whispered, nodding at the bags held tightly in Ted’s clenched hand.
The sound of his brother’s voice made him instantly release a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in.
“Yeah…” he laughed breathlessly, “Yeah, it is. I’ve got chocolate cream pie, too…”
“Ooh…” Pete made a small, tempted face, “You knew that was gonna help your case, didn’t you?”
Ted shrugged bashfully, “Well…I figured it wouldn’t hurt…You do still like chocolate, right?”
“Well, yeah,” Pete smiled, “It’s one of my defining characteristics.”
Pete paused for a moment, shifting slightly before nodding at him with another small, unsure smile, but a welcome one all the same.
Ted nodded with a small, awkward smile, feeling a little out of place and a little like he didn’t belong there, but glad that his brother was willing to open the door to him all the same. It was almost as if he were experiencing the moment where one took their first sip of coffee in the morning after an exhausting night. Warmth seemed to fill him as he looked at his brother and he knew that as the door was opened slightly to him, everything was going to be okay.
As Peter led him into the apartment, Ted found that not much had changed from the scene that the Ghost of Christmas Present had shown him the night before. The apartment was still very well decorated, and though it had mostly been cleaned, there were still signs of the party that he’d seen taking place the night before.
“Steph?” Pete called, unable to keep the small smile from his face, “Steph, hun, we’ve got a guest!”
A familiar woman rounded the corner, dressed in a maroon sweater that Ted could tell was Peters, as well as a pair of leggings, her brown hair thrown in a messy braid. She looked tired from what Ted could tell, and a little shocked when her eyes landed on Ted standing in their living room, throwing a glance at Peter as if to question why Ted was there, to begin with.
“Hi,” Ted waved a little awkwardly, “I don’t think we’ve met…I’m Ted, Pete’s brother.”
“I know…” Steph smiled, looking a little shocked that he had shown up, “It’s…um…it’s nice to meet you. Honestly, I didn’t know you were coming.”
“I didn’t either until this morning,” Ted smiled, feeling a little sad at the words, but grateful that she was at the very least trying to be polite. He couldn’t imagine what her impression of him had to have been at this point, given all of the stories she must have heard about him from Pete. He smiled again, nodding at their apartment, “Nice place you guys have here.”
“Thanks,” Pete chuckled a little awkwardly, “It was a miracle we found it, but I’m very glad we did.”
“It’s nicer than the first few apartments I had,” Ted laughed, “Do you remember those?”
Peter laughed out loud and started to explain to Steph the absolute shittiness of the apartments he’d once lived in, and before Ted knew it, the woman seemed a little bit more at ease, and slowly, but surely, the anxiety that was filling him slowly began to be eaten away.
They talked for hours, sharing dessert and alcohol, and even enjoying some of Pete’s cooking. They laughed and smiled, and played board games, and Ted was fairly certain that even though it was just the three of them, he had never had more fun in his life. They talked for so long that Ted was brought up to speed on everything that had happened in his brother’s life, how he and Steph had met years before at the Abstinence Camp on the outskirts of town, and how they’d met up much later and fell in love, how Peter was working a few jobs to put him through school, while Steph was managing her own small business taking art commissions, which explained some of the decor around their apartment. Ted found himself stunned as he watched his brother talk, and for a moment, he was seized by guilt that he hadn’t thought to do this much sooner.
That whole day seemed to last only a few seconds, as he, his brother, and Steph continued to laugh, talk, and eat. It was simple, nothing crazy like the parties that were his perfect idea of fun back in the day, but it was wonderful. It truly made him feel as if the bridges he’d spent so long burning over the last few years in his life had started to go back up again. As if he’d been given a second chance to rebuild a life that wasn’t so cut off from people he’d mistakenly believed weren’t worth his time.
He’d never had so much fun in his whole life, and he’d never felt so good about it.
When the night was over, he smiled and waved, walking to the Uber they’d called because there was no way in hell he was driving home after all the drinking he and the couple had done. He was just about to turn around and leave before suddenly his brother engulfed him in a tight hug.
It was almost as if ice had been shot through his veins and instantly sobered him up. He couldn’t have possibly imagined that this would have come out of this evening.
It was funny. Peter was still shorter than he was, probably taking after their father rather than their mother…but Ted had become so unfamiliar with the feeling of an affectionate hug, that feeling his brother hugged him like he was happy he was there and that he’d gotten to spend time together.
“Hey,” Ted whispered after they broke apart, “Do you guys maybe want to have dinner sometime? I’ll buy, but this was really nice, and I’d like to do it again sometime.”
From where she was standing, Steph let out a small disbelieving laugh, as if she’d never expected those words to come from the horrible brother that Ted had no doubt she’d been hearing all about for as long as she’d been with Pete.
Surprisingly enough, she was the one to respond, as if she were used to it all along.
“Yes,” she nodded, smiling wide before walking up and wrapping an arm around Pete, “Yes, we’d love that. You just pick the day and the place.”
Ted smiled, “That sounds perfect…just let me know when you’re available and I’ll be in touch.”
He started to go to the car before he turned and smiled again, “Thanks again for having me over. This was absolutely amazing!”
“Thanks for coming,” Pete grinned widely, “I am really glad you decided to come out.”
“Me too…” Ted smiled, looking his brother and his girlfriend over, “Me too.”
And that was the truth.
On the drive back home, Ted could only smile at the roof of the old Sedan, smiling at how wonderful the evening had been. It was one-thirty in the morning, and he was making plans to be at work at six in the morning, but he couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. He couldn’t forget how happy he was. He’d been denying himself this simple joy out of nothing more than pride and yet, he couldn’t fathom how he couldn’t have cared about his brother. How had he been so blind as to not care about his brother up until this point? It was almost as if his own pride had been punishment enough.
When he finally managed to make it home, he fell asleep with a smile on his face, knowing that from here on out, everything was going to change.
—
He’d been very careful to get to work earlier than planned.
After a wonderful Christmas day, and the use of several aspirins to stifle the hangover he was facing, he’d hurried off to the building, trying to get there before Paul would.
He sat at his desk, playing with a fidget toy that he’d found buried under a stack of papers, keeping an eye on the clock as well as Paul’s desk, which could be seen through the windows of his office if he craned his neck enough.
While he waited, he listened to some Christmas music, humming along with it while he waited. He knew it would be around the time that he asked Paul to show up, as the man had grown increasingly punctual over the course of the years he’d been working as the CEO. He was expecting Paul at any moment now.
Of course, he knew Paul would be increasingly anxious. After seeing the way that Paul was when he was around his family versus how he was the entire time that he was when he was at work, he knew that approaching the man like this would be improper and mean…but at the very least Ted wanted to surprise the man. The man had been working so hard to support his family, and while he’d obviously hated it, he did it with the thought that he was protecting his family and his children from whatever he could afford to.
It was funny.
Ted had never taken a moment to consider the many pictures of Paul’s family that lined the man’s too-small desk.
The several images showing how happy Paul was almost made Ted envious of him. From Paul’s wedding to Emma to different holidays with their growing family to being in the hospital with Hannah or a newborn Molly, the images of a life that Ted had been blatantly ignoring and uncaring for. A life that Ted didn’t even realize he wanted for himself. It was funny how all the information about Paul’s life had just slid past him and he’d not given a damn about it.
He’d never once thought to ask Paul how his day was going or how his wife was. Maybe if he had, he would have been able to try to help Paul’s family sooner…assuming Paul even wanted his help.
He knew that Paul had already been working so hard to keep his family afloat, and Emma…who was probably just now finishing maternity leave, had to have been working hard as well. Between the children and Hannah being in the hospital, and everything else that they had to worry about, it made sense that they would work as hard as they could to earn as much for their family.
It all made perfect sense. And it was horrible of Ted to have considered it all a waste.
It certainly wasn’t a waste for Paul and his family.
With a small sigh, he sauntered back to his office, paying attention to the clock and pacing the room, waiting for Paul to arrive.
He checked the clock again.
7:01
Well…Paul was a little late. But given that Ted had singled him out and asked him specifically to come in at seven, he couldn’t blame him.
One more minute passed before he heard the click of the doors to their floor opening, and watched as Paul hurried in, bundled up in the same raggedy blue coat he’d had a few days before, and looking exhausted and nervous. He stumbled to his desk quietly and quickly, looking almost mouse-like as Ted observed him as if he knew he was two minutes late and was worried about the consequences. Ted felt bad that he’d left such a mark on Paul’s anxiety, especially that associated with work. With all that the Ghost of Christmas Present had told him about Paul’s personal life, he was actually ashamed of the fact.
He slowly moved to his doorway, watching as Paul sat down and dug his laptop out of his briefcase, and set up his monitor before he finally spoke.
“You’re late,” he said simply, watching as Paul jumped with a small yelp and looked over at him with wide eyes.
“M-Mr. Spankoffski…” Paul stammered, “I’m sorry, sir…I was just-”
“Just what?” Ted raised an eyebrow, looking at the tired look on Paul’s face, “You get a day off and then you come in late?”
Ted was just trying to tease the man. Probably doing what Paul expected him to, but he realized as he spoke how ridiculous he sounded. The man was late by two minutes, there was no way this was justified in any way.
“I’m…” Paul looked like he wanted to melt into the ground, a small spark of defiance amid the anxiety that painted his face, “I’m sorry, sir…I-I overslept…”
Ted paused for a minute, thinking about the time Paul probably got to spend with his children the day before. Had he gotten just one heavenly day with his wife and children only to have it cut too short. Had he even gotten the chance to say goodbye to Emma and their kids this morning because Ted had demanded that he come in early?
Paul was still rambling his apologies when Ted was snapped out of his reverie.
“I swear, sir,” Paul was saying, “It won’t happen again. I promise…I just…I just…”
“Paul, have you had coffee today?” Ted interrupted, not even caring about the small apologies the man was offering him.
Paul, for a moment, looked stunned. As if he didn’t believe Ted cared enough to ask such a question.
“N-No…No sir, I haven’t…?” Paul raised an eyebrow, looking confused and concerned, almost as if he was trying to dissect the words Ted was using.
Ted nodded slightly, “How long ago did you wake up?”
Paul looked taken aback as if he was afraid of what his giving an answer would be, but the man still answered, “About…forty-five minutes…why?”
Ted swallowed hard and glanced back at the pictures on Paul’s desk.
“You know,” he breathed, thinking of the happy scene of Paul’s family again. The pure joy and the look on the Spirit’s face as he told Ted to remember. He remembered. He would never forget now, “I didn’t even know you had kids. As many times as I’ve walked past your desk, I never once noticed that you had em’. Much less the fact that there were six of them.”
Paul’s expression was a mixture of both shock and vague disgust, as if he didn’t know what to make of the words, but didn’t want to prompt him to go on. Ted didn’t need to wait for there to be any more prompting on the man’s part.
“Most of them are adopted, aren’t they?” Ted asked, looking at a shocked Paul with an inquisitive expression.
Paul scanned over him again, the man’s bug-like eyes looking like they were gonna pop out of his skull. Almost as if he felt like Ted was suddenly paying more attention than he was comfortable with giving.
“What are their names?” Ted asked, gesturing to the picture of the eight of them in one, all of them crowded around a hospital bed, Emma holding a newborn Molly while the rest of them tried to find a place to sit on the bed.
“Um…” Paul inhaled sharply, still looking incredibly confused, but still picking up the frame and pointing out the people as he named them, “L-Lex is the oldest, then there’s Ziggy, Sofia, Daniel, Hannah, and…um…Molly’s the baby…”
Ted whistled lowly, “Great names. How long after you and Emma got married did you decide to adopt?”
“N-Not very long,” Paul’s voice was barely above a whisper.
“Hmm…” Ted nodded, “You all seem so happy together. Tell me about them…”
“Sir?”
“Tell me about your kids, Matthews,” Ted murmured.
There was a moment of silence before Paul gestured to the picture again.
“Well, um…” he breathed, “Lex is into theater…and she’s good at it. Like, really good at it…Ziggs is an artist and doesn’t take any shit at all, but they love giving it. They’re a lot like Emma, in that way,” he smiled softly at the words, before pointing to Sofia, “Sofia is whip-smart and one of the kindest people I know. She wants to be an architect when she gets older, and damn, she’s gonna blow the world away. Danny…he’s quiet but sweet. He doesn’t know what he wants to do, but he loves his family. He also is a bookworm, which we bonded a lot over. And Hannah…” he trailed off.
Ted felt something sharp stick into his heart as he watched a vague flash of fear cross over the man’s face. At that moment, he could see that horrible Christmas Dinner from a future he hoped would never come, where Paul’s family was missing its heart. Where grief and sadness had taken the place of the hope and love that had filled that shoebox of an apartment whole. He could see the grave with Hannah’s name on it, covered in flowers that had been frozen over, much like the girl that it stood as a testament. Ted had neglected to help her family before, and he wouldn’t do it again. He couldn’t.
“Hannah,” Paul went on, shaking back the fear of what could happen to his daughter, “Is one of the strongest and most optimistic people I know. She’s got every reason in the world to be pessimistic, and yet, she keeps us all together, even when things are tough.” He smiled softly, “And Molly…God only knows what she’s gonna be, but right now, she’s the best newborn Emma and I could ask for.”
There was a moment of silence where Paul’s smile just seemed warm and comforting as if he didn’t care about anything else in the world other than how much he loved his family. How much his wife and children meant to him.
Paul inhaled and exhaled sharply before turning to him, “Sir…if you don’t mind my saying so…what’s the point of this? What’s the point of me telling you their names when you haven’t bothered to notice I had kids before?”
“The point of it is, Matthews,” Ted turned to him, “You love your family, don’t you?”
The phrasing of the sentence sounded harsh in tone, and Ted could recognize the anxiety as it returned to Paul’s tired face, as if he was worried that his job was about to be threatened.
“Well?” Ted prompted at the man’s lack of a response, “Don’t you?”
“Y-Yes, sir,” Paul nodded, his next words lacking any form of hesitation whatsoever, “I love them more than anything else in the world.”
“And,” Ted went on, “You’d do anything in the world to take care of them, right?”
Paul’s face grew more serious, almost as if he were anticipating a threat against his family, “Anything. Anything at all.”
Ted smiled softly, “Good. That’s why I’m gonna give you a raise.”
At that moment, it was like someone had taken a phone off the hook and a high-pitched continuous dial tone was heard throughout the room, as Paul stood there dumbstruck.
“Wait…” the man murmured, “What?”
“You heard me,” Ted smiled, “A raise. I said I’m gonna give you a raise.”
“Sir,” Paul whispered, “Are…are you okay?”
“Never better,” Ted murmured with a small smile.
Paul still looked hesitant, “You’re being crazy…”
“No, Paul,” Ted murmured, “I’m finally seeing sense for the first time. I want you to take the next two weeks off. Go be with your family. They need you more than I do.”
Paul let out a shuddering breath, “Is…is this a trick? Are you trying to get me fired?”
“No, Paul,” Ted laughed slightly, “I mean it. I’ve already taken you from your family when they needed you too often, and that’s not okay. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to Emma, and it certainly isn’t fair to your kids. Go spend two weeks with them…with pay.”
He froze for a moment, while Paul processed the words, “And if you need to get Hannah to a different doctor, or need any help with paying for procedures or better insurance, please don’t hesitate to tell me. I want your daughter to have the best chance she can get.”
Paul’s eyes filled with tears and confusion, “How did you…?”
“The real question is how ignorant I was to ignore it until now,” Ted sighed, feeling shame fill him at the fact that he didn’t give Paul’s family a second thought, “I’m sorry, Paul. I’m so sorry I didn’t give you any mind before, but that’s going to change now. I want to help your family where I can. I don’t want to be the fucking asshole I’ve always been to you.”
With that, Ted dug out a check made out to Paul and Emma that he’d written that morning and passed it to him. Paul’s eyes grew wide as he looked at it before he stared up at him.
“What, Te- Mr. Spankoffski,” he sighed, “What the hell…this is…this isn’t a twisted prank?”
“No prank, Paul. Consider it a long-overdue bonus.” Ted smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry it took me so long to appreciate the work that you do for us here…and the work you put in for your family.”
Paul’s eyes were so wide, Ted was almost sure the man would start crying, “You’re serious?”
“Yes,” Ted smiled warmly, “Merry Christmas, Paul.”
Paul let out a small laugh, before nodding in thanks before he picked up his things and nearly ran for the door. Ted smiled and laughed as he watched the man go, hearing him call his wife on the way out, informing her of the good news. His heart swelled at the thought of all the joy Paul’s family would have at his return and what work they could do.
With that, he sat down at his desk and started writing a list of all the things he would do to help the people in his employ enjoy their jobs, improving salaries and insurance, and even allowed time off. After years of putting up with his bullshit, Lord knew they deserved it. He drafted an email to the people who would be coming in later and told them all to take the next week off, as so many of them had submitted requests for time off that he’d ignored shamelessly. And as he worked, he turned on some Jazzy Christmas covers, pouring himself a glass of whiskey as he did.
He couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he worked, planning to make everything better for himself and for his employees. It was almost as if the weight he’d been carrying for years had been lifted and he’d never felt better in his whole life. He never felt so happy.
He smiled up at the ceiling as he finished going over his list of changes, preparing to mention them at the next staff meeting, and hoping to make amends for whatever damage that had been done. He thought of the spirits and all that they’d taught him, and how his life immediately had felt better through those steps, even as difficult as the journey had been.
“Thank you,” he whispered, knowing that wherever they were in the universe, they could hear him, “Merry Christmas.”