Work Text:
Tasha cast seventeen odd, sideways glances at Data throughout the duration of their shift. That was a 21% increase from their last shift, and a 36% increase from the shift before.
The polywater infection took hold of the ship twelve days before. Tasha had not spoken to him outside of official discussions since. He didn't want to disturb her, so he didn't press the issue.
Her voice echoed through his mind. “It never happened.” So why did she keep glancing at him when she thought he wasn't looking, with a sort of conflicting sadness in her eyes that he had never seen from her before?
The confusion finally culminated approximately 43 minutes after Data returned to his quarters at the end of his shift. He was just about to practice a new violin piece when his door chimed.
“Enter,” he called, a little confused. He wasn’t expecting anyone, but would oblige his guest nonetheless.
When the door hissed open, his confusion only multiplied when it revealed a very nervous looking Tasha.
“Lieutenant. Please come in.”
She wordlessly entered. Data frowned, his concern only growing as she started pacing, refusing to meet his eye. She kept opening her mouth as if to say something, and then sighing and closing it again. He didn’t want to pry, but he didn’t want to let his friend’s anxiety to continue while he very literally stood by and watched.
“May I ask what is bothering you?”
Tasha finally stopped pacing and reluctantly met his curious gaze. “I… Data, I need to talk to you.”
12,784 possible discussion topics came to mind, the most likely theme being potential security issues during their upcoming away mission. However, why she chose to come to him during their off hours remained a mystery. He was more than a little surprised (except androids can’t be surprised, right?) when she said,
“I want to talk about the polywater thing.”
Oh.
“Of course,” he started. “If you are intending to file a report against me, I would be more than willing to cooperate—“
“What? Data, no. That’s not what I meant.” Tasha looked genuinely surprised by his assumption and he realized he should explain his thought process.
“I only assume that would be the logical course of action since we had intimate relations while you were intoxicated and I was not yet affected.”
Tasha shook her head and his brow furrowed in thought.
“If that is not what you wish to discuss, then I can only assume I have caused you emotional distress.”
Tasha let out an exasperated sigh. “Data, can you slow that big brain of yours down for a second and stop assuming?” She seemed to be looking everywhere but at him and was wringing her hands nervously. “It’s not… it’s not distress. It just made me think. A lot.”
She started pacing again for a few moments while Data tried his best to “slow his brain down” and not jump to conclusions.
“I told you about… my experiences on Turkana IV. Or at least mentioned them.”
Data nodded solemnly. “Yes. I am sorry you had to endure such treatment.” He wasn’t sure, but he could’ve sworn her gaze softened a bit at that.
“And,” she continued, “you’ve seen how I react when people try to come onto me.”
“You are typically less than receptive,” he answered carefully.
She let out a nervous chuckle. “That’s one way to put it.” She paused for a moment, sighing. “It makes sense, right? Why I tend to avoid that kind of contact?”
“I can imagine it brings back traumatic memories of your childhood. That is another reason I feel I should apologize.”
“No, see, this,” she motioned between the two of them, “this was different. I initiated it. I… I wanted to try it.”
Data frowned, thinking. “You wanted to see if your past trauma would still impact your ability to experience intimacy,” he guessed.
“Exactly. And… I know it was wrong. I shouldn’t have coerced you into it. But… I wanted to explain.” She started pacing again. “Even after I left Turkana, I just had this constant assumption that I couldn’t trust anyone. I was so conditioned to expect the worst, because that’s what I grew up getting. But I wished I could have the same experiences as everyone else without feeling like I might be in danger, you know? I mean, at the Academy, my friends and roommates had partners and everything, but I could never bring myself to even be a little bit close to someone like that. And I hated that I had to cut those experiences out of my life just because of my past. I’ve come to terms with it now but it’s still hard to push those memories away sometimes.”
Data nodded. “I do understand your reluctance. Trauma has a lasting impact on survivors and can influence relationships of all kinds with others.”
“Exactly. And I guess that question of “when will I recover enough to do those things” always kind of lingered in the back of my head, but I never wanted to act on it. And there were plenty of reasons why. But…” She stopped pacing in front of Data and gazed up at him, looking oddly vulnerable. “But then I got the polywater infection, and I just… I guess I couldn’t help myself..?” She looked away again, heat rising in her cheeks. “I kissed some lieutenant but that sense of danger was still there in the back of my mind. And then I heard the captain tell you to escort me to Sickbay… and I guess some part of me realized that if I was going to try it, it was going to be with you.”
His eyes widened a bit in surprise. “Why me?”
She glanced back up at him, her face still red with… embarrassment? Shame? He couldn’t pinpoint it.
“Because of all the people I’ve met, you’ve always seemed the safest.” Her voice sounded small and he wanted to hug her, to reassure her somehow.
“Tasha, I—“
“But it’s wrong! I feel like I used you. That’s why it’s taken me so long to even face you. I was so overwhelmed and scared and ashamed because you’re one of my best friends and I felt like I ruined that. I’m still afraid that I did.”
Data blinked down at her, parsing through all the observations he’d made of her odd behavior since the polywater incident. It all made sense. Suddenly her request for him to stop assuming seemed a lot more pertinent.
“I thought you did not want to acknowledge the incident because of how our crewmates would react to your relations with an artificial being,” he admitted quietly. He was a bit taken aback by the look of horror on her face.
“You thought I was ashamed of you? Oh, gods, Data, I’m so sorry.” She tentatively took his hands. “I was ashamed of myself. You’ve always been so kind and… I felt like I took advantage of you. I’m so sorry.” She released his hands in favor of pulling him in for a hug. His hands floundered for a moment before awkwardly wrapping around her. He made a mental note to investigate human hugging habits sometime later.
“Data, don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re lesser because you’re an android,” she murmured against his chest. “I know you get criticized for it a lot but the people with the nerve to say things like that don’t deserve you anyway.”
Data wasn’t sure how to respond adequately to that. If he could feel (which he can’t, obviously), he thought he would feel relieved that he hadn’t lost his friend, a little encouraged by her words, and possibly determined to help her recover from her past. She deserved better, he was sure.
He finally broke the silence. “I do not mean to assume, but would you like me to continue to keep the incident a secret?”
Tasha looked up at him apologetically. “If you don’t mind, yes. I’ve kind of established a reputation as someone you shouldn’t flirt with, and I’d be more comfortable if it stayed that way. I’m… not quite ready for that kind of relationship, if that makes any sense.”
Data nodded understandingly. “Of course. And I will endeavor to continue our friendship the way it was before, if that is agreeable to you. Although, I believe we have both been somewhat enlightened by the experience.”
He noticed her face turning a bit red again, but she spoke before he could ask about it. “Data, not to pry, but… did it… is it affecting you at all? Our… encounter, I mean.”
He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I believe so. You helped me to explore a part of human relationships that I previously had very little experience with. I find myself more curious about it now.”
Before Tasha could respond, a voice sounded from her commbadge. “Lieutenant Yar, could you come to torpedo bay two? We’re having some trouble with the new launch systems.”
“I’m on my way,” she responded. She turned back to Data with a tiny smile. “I’m glad we’re still friends.”
Data gave her a little nod as she turned to exit his quarters.
“Oh, and Data? If you still want to ‘explore human relationships,’ you might want to ask Geordi for advice. Somehow I think he has lots to share with you.”
Data frowned in confusion but Tasha was gone before he could ask what she meant.
“Data to La Forge.”
“La Forge here.”
“Geordi, are you busy?”