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Exhaustion.
I felt it in every muscle, in every bone. A fog settled into my mind as I stepped foot off my ship into the damp cold of Devonport. I had dismissed the shipgirls earlier as I finished the last of the paperwork, and now I trudged through a port so silent it may have been been an illusion.
No lights in windows, no signs of life at all. It was a miserable night, a perfect cap to a miserable day. The Commander’s residence was on the far side, and I took the shortest path I knew. My mind wandered back to the events of the day, and why it was that I was coming home at… I pulled my pocket watch from my trousers… two in the morning.
The next of Sirens was beyond vicious, one of the few remaining in the region and heavily defended. My Royal Navy ships fought valiantly, but they forced us to retreat repeatedly, repairing and using hit-and-run tactics to take down their strongest vessels. I was battered, bruised… even my flagship had sustained heavy fire, knocking me to the floor no matter how hard I gripped the chart table.
But I had to lend them my firepower, it was my duty as their commander. When we had finally cleared out the resistance and could descend into the stronghold itself, we were met with a macabre scene of machines, Sirens hanging from hooks like they were ready to be processed into functional units, rooms whose purposes I have since blanked from my mind… and a message.
Among the ruins, we did not find the principal antagonists, Purifier or Observer Alpha. Instead, the recording explained that we had ‘succeeded’ and therefore get to continue, to live, and to look forward to the day when we would make a real difference.
My shipgirls had been murmuring among themselves about it, but all of us were too tired to do more than gripe that it would never be over. I didn’t believe that. I knew that we would prove victorious one day, and as far as I was concerned, that day was coming soon. I had my wife, and I wanted us to live a good life in London, have some cute kids, and on occasion take the rail to the countryside for a picnic or to visit the family.
So I focused on that, trying to center it in my mind as my steps faltered. I leaned against the door of my home and gripped the handle, the tremors in my hand making it rattle slightly in the frame.
Getting the door open was the straightforward part. It was getting it closed that nearly had me pass out.
Adrenaline is a hell of a thing, and it was surging through me as I held my pistol out in front of me, leading my kansen through the dark corridors as we scoured every inch of the Siren installation. These places were gone once we left them, so it was important to gain anything and everything we could while we were there, whether it be knowledge or tech.
We had even rescued kansen from them before, but this installation was massive, and it took a long time to reach the bottom where I would find another note, this one less inspiring than the first.
Congratulations, you’ve managed to beat us. Do you know what comes next? You were good enough to pass all our tests, but odds are you will fall when they arrive, the true enemy. You will fight, and you will probably all die. Yet your sacrifice will allow our magnificent race to continue, and to finally beat That Which Feeds. As long as we win, we will resurrect you to live out your days in these nice little pocket universes we set up. Well, at least you didn’t die by our hand, that would have been very disappointing. Anyway, good luck, and May We Survive.
I clenched my teeth, feeling anger at an enemy now defeated, an enemy we considered to be the worst we had ever faced, but to be part of some grand plan, a mere cog in their wheel where our very fight for survival was nothing more than a goddamn test to them?
Stumbling and falling to my knees snapped me back to reality as I made my way up the dark stairs that led to the second floor, to my bedroom, and to my beloved Belfast. I gripped the banister, pulling myself upward, making it a couple more steps before I reduced to crawling, desperate to just make it to my damnable room.
Frustration welled inside me. Mentally I was exhausted, physically I was exhausted, fortitude was no longer on my side, but what I needed was so close, so fucking close. It felt like a dream where every moment felt hindered as though I was making my way through warm molasses, running from an unseen demon at surely far too slow a pace to escape, but not knowing when it will catch up, or for how long it would continue to torture you like this.
It was because of me that we did well. I took care of my girls; I fucking made sure we all came back home, and I led them into the base. My lovely kansen were as marred as I, dirty, bedraggled, sweaty, when we returned, no one escaping without injury, but here I was, alone, trying to just make it a few more steps to where comfort and peace lay.
I needed that peace; I needed that reassurance that it would be okay, and I would have it. I urged my failing faculties onward, darkness clouding at the edge of my vision as every last reserve of my energy drained itself to get me to the door.
A smile came across my face as I bore witness to the sleeping form of Belfast laying on the bed, the blanket pushed down to her midsection, her nighty ever so slightly misplaced and showing her smooth stomach, the cute navel drawing my attention.
My eyes traveled up to her soft, warm bosom, as ample as she was kind. Her face was so peaceful, and her hand rested atop her breast, the lone ring upon sparkling even in the low light of the room.
I sighed and tried to move forward. My hand slipped and my last thought was that the floor seemed to rush awfully fast at me…
***
Belfast started at the sound, waking up in an instant as concern washed through her at the sight of her husband slumped in the doorway, curled into a semi-fetal position on the floor. He was a sight, and she threw the lights on to reveal his face, contorted in pain even in his sleep.
A flood of relief swept through her at the sight of him, but her relief would not be enough by itself.
“Oh, my goodness, Master…” she cooed softly, stroking his matted hair. Kansen strength made picking him up a small matter, and soon she had him stripped and sat in the bathtub as it filled with warm water. He would not wake for some time, but she prepared a cold compress for the bump on his head where he hit the floor, and she watched his face, smiling with satisfaction as his features relaxed.
Belfast’s smile would come across as smug to many, and it often was. She was proud of her work, and she knew not only what and who she was, but what she can and would accomplish. Self-assuredness in the head maid was an absolute necessity when dealing with the Royals by themselves, but for her husband…
That smile was her expression of the purest devotion, the love and care only she could provide. The tenderness with which she removed the sweat, the dirt… the gentle caress of the bruises that made her eyes water in anger at an enemy already vanquished…
“Master… you give so much of yourself for all of us, yet it is only I who truly give back to you. I hope it will be enough…” Her voice quieted and her breath tickled his ear as she leaned close. “I love you, Master.”
She kissed his cheek and leaned back, satisfaction surging through her at the soft smile that tugged at his sleeping lips.
When Belfast had finished, she carried her now much relaxed master back to their bed, and laid him down, making sure the down pillow rested comfortably beneath his head. She climbed into bed beside him, taking his hand and resting it against her breast as she cuddled against his.
For some time she lay there, planting soft kisses against his skin whenever he jerked or twitched, swept up in a dream that mirrored the events of the day as his mind tried to come to terms with all that had happened.
Eventually, she closed her eyes and drifted off once he had finally entered that all-important dreamless sleep.
***
“Bel?” I said, feeling the soft figure of my wife next to me, my hand gripping something even softer. I squeezed it, and a gentle laugh emanated from the beautiful woman beside me.
“Ah, I see you’re feeling much better.” She teased gently, but her face took on a much more concerned expression when mine twisted in pain. Not physical, for the gentle touch of Belfast had seen to that. No, mine was…
“Belfast…” I began, not really sure how to phrase it. I thought of her, of the thought of a Little Bel running around and calling me daddy, of a flat in London, of a future together… and then I remembered everything I had seen the day prior. “It’s…”
She took me into her arms as I sobbed uncontrollably, both embarrassed by my actions yet accepting her comfort without thinking. I could not help myself as she pressed my head to her bosom, stroking my hair and cooing softly in that soft, reassuring tone of hers.
She did not question my need to cry, nor did she berate me. Yet something must have broke in her as well. The tension, the fear… it was a palpable thing, and she joined me in my grief even though she did not yet know what caused it.
“I want… I want…” I stammered through sobs. “I want this to be over, to live and love with you and you alone, and to any children we’ll have, a little Belfast running around causing trouble and getting whatever she wants when she looks at me with those big blue eyes of hers…” More and more spilled out of me, and Belfast only held me tighter.
Then, I explained what I saw in the Siren base, and that was when I could feel her tense up. But… then she relaxed. “Master… you saw what they wanted you to see. You fought for thirty-six hours without respite, then threw yourself into a literal hole in the ocean in search of something… then you made it back to port while pushing yourself to finish all your paperwork, barely able to make it home because you just couldn’t bring yourself to keep any of the fleet back because you knew just how they felt…”
She paused for a minute, sniffing gently and wiping her eyes. “But you won. You made it home. You made it… and it’s ok now. I am here. I will always be here. Nothing will ever change that. Even if they are right, we will win, just like we kicked their butts to the curb and out of our world.” I looked up into her eyes, the conviction in them unmistakable as the slate blue irises shone, that slight purple tint glinting as though she could see a future I as of yet could not grasp.
Yet, I trusted her implicitly, as I should. The reassurance of her body against mine, the feeling of her love flowing into me, her affection, her care… this, this was the kind of thing one would find only once in a lifetime, if they were lucky. Her warmth spread through me as did her words, both reassuring my mind and emotions, steadying me, readying me…
“I… I want to stay like this for a while, if you don’t mind. I’ve earned a rest… we both have.” I said, knowing that asking the head maid to delegate her duties was a request as monumental as it was necessary.
After a moment of consideration, she nodded. “Yes. I would very much enjoy that as well. It has been a while since we’ve just… laid in bed, hasn’t it?” She favored me with that smile of hers, and the kiss that it became a moment later sent shivers of pure delight through me. I pressed back against those pillowy lips, more of my stress, my doubt, my worry falling away from me like layers from an onion. I felt lighter as I wrapped my arms around Bel, held her tight as our kiss became deeper, intimacy shared not for the purpose of desire, but for reassurance.
The gentle floral scent of her shampoo, the soft heat of her breath as it tickled my lips, her hand resting against the back of my head as mine did against her back… this connection, this was the sort of thing that could make me remember what it was that I fought for, and that she was right.
I would fight. I would fight not just for myself, not even just for Belfast. I would fight for the sake of our children, I would fight for the sake of every shipgirl that I had led against the Sirens. We would persevere, no matter what, because we had each other. No matter what obstacles I would face, Bel would be right beside me, and nothing and no one could take her from me.
A Commander and his shipgirl… to some, perhaps, but to me… to me Bel is my everything, the shining example of light and beauty that would forever be my North Star, guiding me home no matter what befell me, and, if it came down to it, the beacon of hope and my first and last line of defense.
Never, ever, would I forsake that.
I opened my eyes to see hers looking directly back as our lips parted for a moment. A new resolve flickered to life inside me, and I could see the same in her as she smiled in return. That smug smile, that self-assurance that gave me even further strength.
To lie in bed, without worry, doing nothing but holding the one dearest to you in your arms… now that is a luxury we all deserve, but one that I am fortunate to have. With each moment that passed, I felt myself drawing closer to sleep not because I was exhausted, but because I was relaxed, I was comfortable… I was safe.
And when I did fall asleep atop the soft bosom of my beloved Belfast, it was to the sound of her gentle exhalations as she had beaten me to dreamland. All I could wish for now was to join her in whatever dreams she may be enjoying, so that we may spend even more time there together.
As sleep finally took me, my last thoughts were of an undeniably bright future filled with all the things I so desired, the simple pleasures that would drive me to victory against any enemy that would threaten my Country, my Port, my Fleet… and my Belfast.