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Another morning went wasted.
Not entirely, because Yoshino had requested her help to grind the cured antlers they had collected over the past winter, and bottle them before they were to be sold. Temari knew that her future mother-in-law was trying to teach her their clan’s ways, their history, traditions and duties.
She should have been happy that they had accepted her with such an easy warmth in their midst; and she was. Yoshino became her rock during her stay in Konoha, while Shikamaru had been assigned more responsibilities as the Rokudaime Hokage’s assistant. There were even a few other clan members that would spend time with her during the long hours her intended spent working in the Tower.
Temari was incredibly appreciative of their support and for Shikamaru’s endless understanding.
He was trying his best to make her view his village as her home. When she had first moved to Konoha in the summer, he made sure to show her every nook and cranny of it, introduce her to his favorite spots and although Temari knew all of his friends, he had made a point to attend as many of their gatherings as possible with her by his side. Konoha was still recovering under Hatake-sama’s leadership and almost three years after the war, the rebuilding was coming to an end.
According to Shikamaru, many places of the ‘old Konoha’ that were destroyed would never be recovered, instead new buildings and people would occupy those only preserved in memory.
In a strange way, Temari ached for the village hidden in the trees. It hadn’t been hers until a season ago, but she grieved for it as she grieved for all those that were leveled by the latest war. More than any other though, she ached for her motherland.
She longed for it terribly at times, she missed her brothers and the life she had there, but she had come to love Konoha as well. The seasons were more distinct, the air clear and crisp unlike the dry, sand-filled atmosphere of Suna. Her citizens were always roaming around her streets; at any given point of time, from one sunrise to the next. They did not have to worry about the overwhelming heat, or abrupt sandstorms and the freezing temperatures of the night. Occasionally, a storm would hit, but even then, the Konohans refused to leave their shops, their training, their lives, only to seek cover.
Temari had actually been surprised with how resilient they were. Not against weather phenomena, no of course not; resilient as to how quickly they had seemed to pick up the tattered pieces of their lives that the Fourth Shinobi War left and simply…rebuild.
No other Nation that had sustained as much damage was able to turn a new leaf so quickly. She knew that many had been praising Hatake-sama, her little brother included amongst those, but ever since Temari moved to the evergreen village, she realized that it was the people and not necessarily their Hokage that deserved the homage. Even after all the hardships that had rained on them and their village, and despite the fathomless scars in their hearts, they had chosen to remain an optimistic, highly adaptable and so fucking resilient community.
She was amazed by that mere fact and sometimes, she hated it.
Perhaps Suna had sunk in misery for too long before Gaara-kun took the reins, perhaps she was beginning to realize that her own skin was not as thick as she had always thought it to be, but Temari hated the fact that everyone in her new home seemed so ready to move on with their lives. Especially when she still woke up screaming her throat raw at night.
In her dreams, she was back at fighting the Third Raikage; she was facing Daimaru and his feelings; she was seeing her father’s reanimated appearance while the land shook and armies of White Zetsu kept popping up all around her. More often than she’d like to admit, Temari was reliving the dream world the Infinite Tsukuyomi had created for her.
Those particular dreams always started beautifully, filling her with a sense of accomplishment as a respected advisor, not only in the eyes of her brothers, but the entirety of Suna. At least until they would begin crumbling, where she would become a national laughing stock after a chain of unfortunate decisions that lowered her to everyone’s regard.
It hadn’t been as bad in Suna. Not even shortly after the War ended. The nightmares were there, sure, the flashbacks, the constant feeling of agitation were all there, but for some reason not as bad . But there she had been home, waking up to the painfully familiar room of her early teenage years and able to sneak a few moments with her brothers when she needed them. Most days she had been so busy with the reconstruction plans, other administrative projects, diplomatic work and training the next generation of Suna shinobi, that she didn’t have the time to leave her mind unoccupied long enough for such thoughts to surface.
Temari’s then ‘coping mechanism’ was the same she observed on Shikamaru lately. It was the same she knew Haruno Sakura was applying in her daily life, with her working hours always extending, until she'd have to be removed from the hospital due to chakra exhaustion. That woman was taking case after case and project after project, with the latest accomplished one being a mental health clinic for children, along with Ino’s help. Perhaps, Sakura thought that by treating others’ trauma she’d be able to heal her own self.
Temari didn’t share the same chimeric belief.
At times she thought even Ino was doing the same, but no one could ever really know what was going on inside the blonde’s mind. She had jumped on Sakura’s proposal for the clinic immediately, while her days were already filled with long hours working in the Intelligence Division, helping her mother out in their family shop and joining the team of Sensor-nin that were trying to redesign the detection barrier surrounding Konohagakure. Although, it was possible that the new Head of the Yamanaka’s involvement with the flower shop and Analysis Team, were a form of honoring her late father.
Temari on the other hand, had very few responsibilities in the village that was becoming her new home. In fact, she had none, aside from learning the duties of the Nara matriarch from Yoshino. She still trained, sometimes even daily, but it was difficult to imagine herself wearing a hitai ate that wasn’t Suna’s. If it were the one that they used during the War, that of the Allied Shinobi Forces, she could do it, but Konoha’s? Temari wasn’t sure if she could or that she even wanted to.
As much as she had come to love Konoha, she was still adjusting to her rhythms, traditions and people. Maybe that was the exact reason her nightmares had returned more intense and far more frequent ever since she had moved away. Even the familiarity of her room in the Nara residence was not enough at times; there were instances that she’d wake up drenched in sweat and need a few minutes to place herself if Shikamaru was not by her side.
But Shikamaru was somehow always there—considering that they did not share the same room—to nudge her awake and hold her shaking body. His daily gift to her, would unfailingly be the few extra hours of rest in the morning. No one would bother Temari until she was ready to step outside and face the day; he had made sure of that.
For a number of days and nights, she had felt ashamed to be seen in such a state and she had even resented him for apparently not experiencing the same suffering as her. It had taken him a long time to admit that the reason he would regularly seek her out at nights, cloaked under the protection his own shadows provided, was due to his own nightmares and mental anguish.
Watching her breath and as odd as it may be, even wail in her sleep, had become a source of comfort for Shikamaru. His warm arms around her and the impression of smoke clung to his clothes and hair, had become hers.
They were still alive.
“Are you sure about this?” she asked, eyeing the flimsy lace material skeptically. “These do not look comfortable.”
“Comfort is not what we’re going for here,” Ino replied and even with her back turned to her, Temari could feel her eyeroll. “You’ve never worn thongs? Come on, not even for honeypot missions?”
As if their council would ever allow the Kazekage’s daughter…and sister, to partake in seduction missions. “I’ve always been a field shinobi and occasionally, on strategies. So, no.”
Ino hummed, spinning around with a new set of lingerie for Temari’s wedding night. At least they had more fabric. Barely , but she wouldn’t make a deal out of it.
“Yeah, they’re nice,” Temari agreed, inspecting the fine details of the bustier. “White though?”
The blonde’s devilish grin was the only response she got, and she knew she had fucked up…somehow.
“It is tradition for virgins to wear white here, Te~ma~ri.”
Biting her cheek and praying that she wasn’t blushing, she gave Ino her most deadpan look. “We’re not having this conversation and I’ll already be wearing a shiromuku for the ceremony.” Which she would be exchanging for a traditional Suna wedding outfit as soon as Konoha’s and the Nara clan’s rituals were over.
Not that anyone was aware of that, but she’d be damned if she wasn’t draped by red and golden Tussar silk on her wedding day. Her brothers had already sent a parcel over, filled with crimson and aurous fabrics, embroidered leather shoes and jewelry, along with their mother’s garnet head chain.
Ino chuckled, bumped her shoulder and exchanged the white set with its maroon alternative. “All set!” she exclaimed, dragging Temari to the counter. “This is my gift to you personally, alright? Now all you have to do is clear up your schedule for tomorrow.”
“I am getting married next week, Ino. I think Yoshino would like me around for the preparations.”
“Sure, but you also need a day for yourself, to self-indulge . The girls and I want to take you to the onsen. They offer full body massages too!”
She shook her head at the Yamanaka’s excitement, but a smile was already stretching on her face. As much as she longed for her home and her brothers, Temari knew that she had found the right people to consider hers in this new land.
More accurately, they had dragged her into their circle forcibly.
And there was nothing she was more grateful for.
After a few minutes of getting used to it, the water felt pleasantly warm against her skin. At times, the steam would thin out, but not before long it’d rise again denser, making it hard to discern anything beyond the pool they were situated in. The low melody of the koto made their experience even more relaxing, although Temari found it a tad too traditional for the heavily modernized establishment.
“See?” Ino nudged her shoulder, making the water slosh around them. “Isn’t this heavenly? Sage knows that you needed this, girl, just look at your dark circles. Yoshino-oba must be running you ragged.” She ‘tsked’ then, probably thinking that her exhaustion was caused by the never-ending wedding preparations. Or not. She never knew with Ino, but when her baby-blue eyes slid to her childhood best friend, Temari knew she wasn’t her only target. “And it’s such an honor Forehead was able to join us, instead of becoming a pile of mush in the hospital…again.”
From her side, Hinata must have pinched her, for Ino jolted and splashed some water on the Uzumaki. “That was not nice, Ino-chan.”
Temari shook her head and lowered her body on the water. “This really feels great,” she agreed, more to alleviate the tension. “Yoshino has been incredibly kind and to be honest, she has taken care of most details but yeah, weddings are fucking stressful.”
Both Hinata and Ino nodded as they had gone through the whole ordeal already, but a look at Sakura’s direction was enough to know that she wasn’t buying her shitty excuse. After all, apart from Shikamaru, the pinkette was the only one who knew about Temari’s state. She could have seen any other medic in Konoha, but if she could trust Sakura with her brothers’ lives unconditionally, she could trust her with her own mental health as well. Sakura had prescribed her with the sleeping pills Temari wanted, and she had also advised her to see a therapist.
Quite hypocritical of her friend and nothing that Temari hadn’t thought of already, but she still hadn’t mustered the courage for it. Perhaps after the wedding…
An employer slid the door open, balancing the tray of drinks as she kneeled and passed them to everyone. Temari thanked her, holding the warm sake above the water and once her friends had theirs, they brought them together for a toast.
The usual things: To Temari and Shikamaru’s future, good health and prosperity, a quick death, endless happiness to the next person that would be getting married amongst them—that would be Karui, in only two months.
“May this peace last,” Tenten said lowly, probably to herself, but Temari couldn’t hold back a sour chuckle.
“People like us? We aren’t made for peace. We're shinobi for fucks sake and we've been crawling in blood since we were children…” she paused, downing her cup and watched the rings of liquid around her chest. “Our kind will always find a way to disrupt any kind of tentative peace.”
“Our leaders you mean,” Karui raised an eyebrow; she was the only to not have been taken aback by Temari’s sudden outburst.
Temari hummed. The devastation from the war was still fresh in their memories, but when that would begin to ebb away, greed would claw its way back to people’s hearts along with political interests and a new round of land conflicts. And in the future, there would be new leaders to rise in power; people who have not worked or fought alongside each other against enemies that threatened to level the entire world.
“It’s possible,” Sakura then said thoughtfully. “Maybe not necessarily instigated by our kind or our Kage, at least not in the foreseeable future. I mean, look at all those who just wanted to benefit from our weakened state, or those we’ve dubbed as collateral damage but not in terms of death count. Revenge…” and she didn’t have to continue, because they knew what she meant.
And they all remembered the Kido incident.
Tenten sighed, “Yes, you’re right, and it could be something entirely different. A new enemy, a new Kaguya or some other bullshit like that, but I refuse to think about it now and live in fear or with that kind of cynicism. Not when we have finally reached such amiable relationships.”
Hinata smiled, her cheeks fully flushed. “I agree with you Tenten. I think that our generation will strive to maintain the peace we’ve achieved until our dying hours. Look at you two,” she pointently turned her gaze from Temari to Karui. “Would you have ever thought that you’d be marrying into another nation’s clans? Or that it would be done with the blessings of your motherlands? It is early in our years of truce, but I have high hopes that it will last for many years to come.”
“I think that the problem lies somewhere else,” Ino then said, expression uncharacteristically hard. “So many people are still hung up on the past, and I get it. I do. We all went through too much and lost even more. Then there are those who try to look too far into the future, with their only guideline being the past .” She turned around, reaching for the tokkuri to refill her cup and held it high in another toast. “I say fuck that! Let’s start living in the present.”
Blinking a forming tear away, Temari filled her own cup and drank. She rested her head at the edge of the pool, staring at the wooden ceiling and a small smile carved her lips as her friends began cheering around her.
Yeah, that would be nice.