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Saving You From Yourself

Summary:

Sending that letter to Kaeya was probably the best thing Adelinde has ever done.

Notes:

i couldn’t think of a good title don’t judge it too much

i didn’t even proofread this i wrote the whole thing on a road trip and my brain is fried just ignore any mistakes :sob:

if the tags didn’t make it clear enough, they are BROTHERS. this is NOT a ship fic nor is my account a safe place for kaeluc shippers please leave thank you.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Diluc has long since forgotten how long he’s been in his bed. Days? Weeks maybe? The only times he could remember getting up were when he had to use the bathroom and the few times he changed clothes. Adelinde had stopped trying to get him to get up days ago, instead bringing him meals to his bedside— he never ate them —and relaying any important news to him from his bedroom door. Depression was a parasite, eating away at its host so it can prosper instead. It was a parasite that Diluc has had to live with his entire life, but he thought he was getting better. He wasn’t supposed to be bedridden for more than a week, he was supposed to be the strong man who overcame his depression and thrived. What a joke.

 

Knocking on his bedroom door snapped him out of his thoughts and he was met with the familiar sight of his head maid. Adelinde didn’t say anything. She didn’t comment on the mess of dirty clothes on his floor despite him never seeming to change. She didn’t comment on how greasy and tangled his hair was due to lack of maintenance. She didn’t comment on the uneaten food she brought him hours ago. She simply sat down on the edge of his bed and gently rubbed his shoulder.

 

“How are you feeling, Master Diluc? Any better?” Adelinde asked quietly, running her fingers through part of his hair that wasn’t a tangled mess. A low grunt from Diluc was the only answer she received to her questions. She sighed, making eye contact with the man lying beneath her. “You’re going to hate me.”

 

Diluc raised an eyebrow at that, silently asking her to elaborate. Adelinde stood from his bed and slowly made her way to the door, wanting to leave before he had the chance to lash out at her. “I invited Captain Kaeya over to check up on you. He sent a letter asking about your recent absence from the city and all I could tell him was the truth. I will let you know if he arrives.”

 

And with that, Adelinde left the room, shutting the door behind her and leaving Diluc to jolt upright in his bed, a million thoughts running through his mind. Kaeya? Coming to check up on him? Worried about his absence? There was no way, Kaeya made it very clear that he hated Diluc’s guts— and Diluc let Kaeya know the feeling was very much mutual. Still, a small part of Diluc hoped that his younger brother really would arrive to check on him. As much as Adelinde is wonderful company— and help —Diluc was slowly going crazy without any other sort of social interaction. Besides, although he and Kaeya may not be on the best terms, Kaeya was there when Diluc was going through this same thing as a child and teenager. He never judged Diluc when things would get this bad, he would simply offer any sort of support he could. The winery owner could only pray that their bitterness towards each other wouldn’t change that.

 

True to her word, Adelinde returned to Diluc’s room what was most likely at least an hour later, though it only felt like a few minutes to the pyro user. She knocked softly at the door before calling out to the man inside.

 

“Master Diluc, Captain Kaeya has arrived. Would you like him to come up here, or do you wish to meet him downstairs?”

 

Diluc exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. There was no way he’d be able to pull himself out of bed, even with the embarrassment that flooded his body at the thought of his younger brother seeing him like this for the first time since he was seventeen. He weighed his options for a couple minutes, glad Adelinde was patient enough to let him think about it. Eventually, he settled on Kaeya meeting him in his bedroom, voicing that to the maid before turning on his side away from the door. Diluc considered getting up and at least changing into clean clothes, but he didn’t have much time to dwell on that thought. A knock sounded at his bedroom door, distinctly different than the gentle taps of Adelinde’s knuckles.

 

“Come in.” Diluc called out, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves and turning over so he could watch the door swing open and reveal the cavalry captain.

 

“Holy shit—you look terrible.” Kaeya shut the door behind himself, but didn’t make any moves towards the bed. Diluc raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“Wow, thanks.” Bitter sarcasm dripped into the words Diluc spoke and the two settled into an awkward silence. Kaeya’s gaze shifted around the room as he took in the lovely sights of dirty clothes, dishes, and Diluc, who could only watch in shame. Maybe he should’ve cleaned his room before Kaeya arrived, but he knew his brother was expecting it to look like this. Kaeya took a deep breath and finally made his way over to the redhead, sitting on the edge of his bed without asking.

 

“Alright, talk to me, what’s going on?” Kaeya asked, and he genuinely seemed concerned about Diluc’s well-being. Putting aside their grievances, Diluc finally let his walls crumble. He gave a futile attempt to bottle up the wave of emotions he felt, but—alas—tears slowly dripped down his cheeks. Diluc sat up on the bed and immediately arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a tight hug. The older man accepted the embrace, burying his face in Kaeya’s chest as the few tears turned into violent sobs that ripped through his body and were muffled by the fabric of Kaeya’s shirt. A calming hand met Diluc’s back and rubbed it hesitantly. The position brought Diluc back to his teenage years, when similar feelings would plague him. Kaeya would hold him like this while the redhead cried so hard and for so long that he’d make himself sick.

 

“I-It… it hurts, Kae, so so fucking bad,” Diluc managed to choke out between his intense wailing.

 

“Take a deep breath, Diluc, tell me what hurts.” Kaeya’s voice was as shaky as his hand that was still rubbing Diluc’s back. He sounded close to tears, and Diluc could imagine that he was probably struggling to hold back his own emotions.

 

The pyro user obeyed the command, taking deep, shuddering breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. It worked— fortunately, since his loud sobs were starting to hurt his own head —enough that he was able to form sentences without bawling in between each word.

 

Everything hurts—but not, like, physically.” Diluc pulled his head off of Kaeya’s chest and parted the hug enough that he could make eye contact with his brother— he was choosing to ignore the mess of salty tears and snot that now covered Kaeya’s shirt. “I’m exhausted, all my brain and body will let me do is sleep and cry all day. Everyday I either feel overwhelmingly sad or nothing at all.”

 

Kaeya listened intently, but Diluc knew that the cryo user already knew how he would describe how he felt. ”Is there anything I can do to help?” the younger man asked, taking his hand off of Diluc’s back so he could pull a handkerchief out of his pocket and use it to carefully wipe tears from the older man’s face. Diluc shrugged.

 

“Well-“ Kaeya stood up from the bed, abandoning the handkerchief and grabbing Diluc’s hands to pull him up and out of bed, “I think that a warm bath and clean clothes might be the best first step, no?“

 

Diluc didn’t protest, stumbling a bit when he was suddenly on his feet for the first time that day. “I’ll get a bath started and tell Adelinde to get clothes ready for you and to clean your room up a bit.” Kaeya started leading Diluc to the bathroom across the hall from his bedroom, talking about whatever nonsense came to his mind as he did. Diluc was thankful for the distracting words, already extremely overwhelmed from the way his body screamed at him to get back in bed and go back to sleep.

 

Kaeya started the bath water, sticking his hand under the faucet to make sure it was the correct temperature. “I’ll be back in a moment to help you wash up, alright?” and, with that, Kaeya shut the door behind him as he left the bathroom. Diluc took a deep breath and started the slow and agonizing process of getting undressed and situating himself in the tub. The water was hot— probably too hot for anyone else, but it was perfect to him —and Kaeya must have poured in a sweet-smelling bubble bath without Diluc noticing. He reached across from where he was sitting and turned the faucet off when the bath water was at the correct height. Diluc sighed deeply and slowly lowered himself in the water, stopping when the water rested just above his ears. After a few minutes of relaxing, Diluc distantly heard the bathroom door open and close. He lifted himself out of the water, his crimson hair sticking to his face, shoulders, and back and made eye contact with Kaeya, who kneeled next to the tub.

 

“Unless you think you can do it yourself, I’m going to help you wash and comb your hair.” Kaeya said, taking off his fingerless gloves and rolling up his sleeves as he grabbed the bottle of shampoo sitting on the floor next to the bathtub.

 

“Be my guest, there’s no way I have the energy to do it,” Diluc turned himself a bit so Kaeya had better access to his hair. Almost as soon as the words left his mouth, Kaeya poured shampoo on the crimson locks, lathering into Diluc’s scalp and roots. Diluc sighed, closing his eyes and relaxing into the feeling of Kaeya’s nails against his scalp. Kaeya grabbed the shampoo bottle again, pouring it into his hands this time and rubbing the suds over the rest of Diluc’s hair.

 

“Close your eyes and tilt your head back,” Kaeya spoke softly and grabbed the detachable showerhead mounted on the side of the bathtub. He turned the water on and rinsed his hands off before turning the stream to Diluc’s hair. Kaeya rinsed the strands off before coating them in a leave-in conditioner. “I’m done, are you ready to get out?“ when he received a nod in reply, Kaeya reached over to unplug the drain.

 

“There’s a towel and clean clothes sitting on the counter for you. Get dried off and dressed, I’ll be waiting in your room.” Kaeya gave Diluc a quick pat on the shoulder and left the bathroom. Diluc took a deep breath and stood up, stepping out of the bath and wrapping himself in the towel. He quickly dried himself off and dressed himself in the white button-down and high-waisted black pants laid out for him. He looked up at the mirror and grimaced, seeing himself for the first time in over a week. deep purple bags lined the bottom of his eyes, his face was sickly pale, and he even had a bit of bright red stubble growing on his chin. He forced himself to look away from the mirror and leave the bathroom, walking back across the hall to his bedroom.

 

Kaeya met him there, sitting on a bench in front of the large vanity in the room. When Diluc stepped in the room, Kaeya hopped up from the bench and patted the seat for Diluc to come sit. The redhead sat on the cushion of the bench, which was strategically placed so it wasn’t facing the mirror. Kaeya knew that Diluc would only feel worse if he had to stare at himself the entire time his hair would be brushed.

 

Kaeya picked up Diluc’s hairbrush and started at the tips of his bright red hair, slowly working his way up. “After we finish this, Adelinde has a nice meal prepared for you.” Diluc hummed softly in acknowledgment, but didn’t say anything. The two of them were completely silent as Kaeya brushed through the wet hair, getting caught on tangles a few times and having to work hard to get them out. Once he was done, he grabbed a hair tie from the vanity desk and pulled Diluc’s hair into a high ponytail before tying it up. When he was finished with that, Kaeya stared at Diluc for a long while before turning to the vanity and grabbing a container of shaving cream and a straight razor. “Do you mind if I…?”

 

“Please do.” Diluc said softly, not meeting Kaeya’s eyes as the shaving cream was lathered on his chin and the sides of his face. With a careful, steady hand, Kaeya dragged the razor across the growing stubble on Diluc’s face. He then wiped his face off with Diluc’s discarded towel before picking up the bottle of aftershave on the vanity. He poured the liquid on his hands and then carefully patted it on the area he shaved, apologizing quietly when Diluc winced.

 

“Alright, I’m done now, let’s go eat.” Kaeya set everything back down on the vanity desk and left the bedroom, not looking to see if Diluc would follow. Diluc took a deep breath and examined himself in the mirror. He looked so much better— healthier. He glanced towards the door and smiled to himself.

 

Sending that letter to Kaeya was probably the best thing Adelinde has ever done, Diluc made a mental note to thank her later as he stood to follow the blue-haired man out of his room and down the stairs of the manor.

Notes:

i promise i’m okay btw this sort of topic is just my favorite to write about because ??? idk it helps me cope