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Change

Summary:

Change: To make different; alter or modify.

Or, Amelia feels it's the right time to tell Derek about who she's falling in love with, but it's not as simple as it usually is.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

 

Amelia Shepherd and Derek Shepherd had a complicated relationship. They were siblings, so they loved each other unconditionally, but that also meant they fought and squabbles too, just as they had when they were kids. There were also things that complicated their relationship an awful lot more than the standard sibling pairing, but, right now at least, they were good friends, who were both enjoying a relax together after a long day at work.

 

The TV was blaring out about some tiresome talk show that should have died out at least a few years ago, if not more, but neither of the pair were listening.

 

Derek was reading the medical journal lying against his legs, knees slightly bent to give him a good angle for reading the book. There had been a short while when he gave up reading those papers, because it reminded him a little too much of the accident. Lying in a bed for weeks upon weeks, there wasn't really much more he could do. He couldn't cut. He couldn't teach. He couldn't do anything at all. In fact, for the majority of that time, he could barely even move. He still remembered each morning when his physio would come into his room and help him through the excruciating amount of pain that built in him when he made his attempts to simply sit on the side of his bed. So he read, seeing as that involved no movement. He read a lot. And clinical papers was his choice of novel. As well as The Sun Also Rises, of course. He wasn't a re-reader normally, but he must have gone cover to cover on that particular book at least fifty times since he was seventeen. 

 

Amelia was doing something similar. She held a book that outlined the specifics of a tumour removal she was planning to do the next day. She wasn’t sure she really needed to be reading the paragraph she was on but continued nevertheless, just wasting time as they waited for Meredith to come home so they could finally have the dinner she had prepared. She had called, telling both Amelia and her brother that she was going to be five minutes late home, but that was fifteen minutes before the very moment where Amelia found herself so lost in her thoughts that she couldn't continue any longer.

 

There was one word she couldn’t stop reading. Change. It didn’t matter that the word was in the context of the removal of a choroid plexus carcinoma, something she most definitely wasn’t doing at the time, she still felt the word resonate with her.

 

Change. To make different; alter or modify.

 

She had made a change in her life recently. One that she was so sure she should have already told her brother. She told him everything. Well, almost. She liked to think things had changed for the better between them since his last close call with death. They laughed more often. Talked more often. Took the ferry boat together more often. Because of course. He was Derek, after all.

 

That was what she told herself again and again as she attempted to come up with an opening sentence to start her conversation with. He was just Derek. Her brother. Her kind, caring, accepting brother.

 

“Can I talk to you about something?” She asked, her voice uncharacteristically shaky.

 

“Sure.” He agreed, not looking up. A very short moment after he did, his eyebrows creased as he read the look written all over her face. “You alright?”

 

She didn't speak, still not quite sure what to say.

 

Derek took the cue, turning off the unessential talk show accompanying their conversation as he placed the journal he was reading on the table besides him. "Hello? Earth to Amelia Shepherd. Are you in there?” 

 

She was quickly pulled out of her trance by his call and waving hand, and she swallowed once she found herself out of it. “Oh- um- right."

 

"Are you okay?" 

 

"I...Derek, I think I found...someone.”

 

“Oh.” He breathed as he recognised the way she shaped the word. “Like a...someone-someone?”

 

“A someone-someone, yes.” 

 

“But?” He pressed.

 

Her eyebrows creased. "How do you know there’s a 'but'?” 

 

“I can hear it in your voice, and see it in your face, and- just tell me Amelia. What’s wrong with this new love interest of yours?” He asked, a little worried about what kind of answers were about to follow.

 

She made no response yet again.

 

“Not a doctor? Wouldn’t understand the commitment to work?” He suggested. He was sure his own marriage would be easier if Meredith wasn't a doctor because their schedules would be simpler to manage, but he wasn't sure their connection would ever be the same. 

 

“No, they’re a doctor.” She confirmed. Alike him, that was extremely important to her too. She couldn’t really imagine being with someone who didn’t have such a demanding career. No matter how understanding they were, she wasn’t sure anyone could really comprehend the complexities of being a surgeon or doctor unless they had experienced what it was like too.

 

"Don’t tell me they’re married, Amy-“

 

“No, no, no." She interrupted. "Nothing like that. I mean...what idiot would go round making themselves seem available if they were actually married?” 

 

Derek rolled his eyes. His sister was so not hilarious. Earnestly though, he was just glad she finally cracked a smile. Whoever this person-person was, they were most definitely important to his sister; it wasn’t often that Amelia got so serious. 

 

“They’re not like Link.” She explained, only realizing how unhelpful her comment was as it came out of her mouth.

 

“Right. That really narrows it down.” He sighed sarcastically.

 

“I know. I just- I don’t know how to say it.” She said, her hands gesturing as if she was trying to hold the concept in her hands...but failing. 

 

“Well...Link is an orthopaedic surgeon.” He stated, starting with one of the most simple and unbiased facts he could think of that made Link, Link.

 

Amelia didn't reply to that. He was learning that that was going to be a common theme today. 

 

“He’s-“ Derek paused abruptly, his mind finding a trail to follow and taking it gladly, thankful for the idea to help him play the game of 'Guess Who?' he had suddenly found himself participating in.

 

"What?" 

 

“Do you remember Jessica Fieldson?” He inquired, seemingly out of the blue.

 

Amelia nodded. “Of course. We were friends for like- six years.”

 

“She was a girl.” He noted pointedly.

 

“Good memory, Derek.” She muttered, tempted to roll her eyes at his observation. 

 

“Thanks.” He returned, again sarcastically, with a quick quirk of his eyebrows. “But, I mean- you liked Jess."

 

"That's generally what happens when you're friends with someone." She shrugged. 

 

"I mean- you liked Jess, didn’t you?” His voice heavily accented this time. 

 

“No. Of course I didn’t. Why would you even think that about me, I mean her, I um- I mean- what I meant-“ 

 

"It's okay, Amelia. I've known forever."

 

"You...what?" 

 

“She kissed you once at school." He replied. “I pretended not to see and walked the other way as quickly as I could, but...I still saw it.”

 

Amelia swallowed. Crap. 

 

“So, your problem is that this doctor you like isn’t like Link, because she’s a woman and your afraid of what me or Mer or Liz or Nance or Kathleen or Mom are going to say about that?” He took a guess, confident that his assumption was correct. 

 

“My...person-person isn’t a woman.” She said. She had hesitated as she searched for an appropriate word to call them, but eventually settled on the term they had used at the start of the conversation. It was a good way to describe them, really. 

 

“So they are a man?” Derek inquired, his eyebrows creasing.

 

“Kai is- they’re intelligent and funny and light up the room with a smile. They get me. They get my fascination for the brain like no one else in the world, except maybe you. They’re interesting. They could talk about anything in the world. The most boring thing in the world. A twelve hour conversation about-“ She paused, looking around the room for something to gesture to. “-about the brand that made this sofa. And I’d still listen. Intently. All night. All day. Because that’s what you do when you find someone that just makes your heart- makes you, feel alive.” She finally let herself burst, not helping the grin that spread her face at the thought of them. “And they’re hot. And a good kisser. And-“ She trailed off. It wasn’t that she had run out of things to say. Not by a long shot. It was just that in that moment, she felt it would be the perfect time to confess.

 

Derek pretended not to notice the name she had started with, letting her gush out all her feelings first. He had heard Amelia mention Dr Kai Bartley on various occasions. The first time, of course, he faltered at the mention of them. Zola had rolled her eyes at him, remarking something about him ‘getting with the times’, most probably calling him her ‘old man’ too. Since their first mention, he soon got used to the adjustment in his reference to Amelia’s fellow neuroscientist, having no trouble adapting himself.

 

Amelia never even asked him what his opinion was on someone who identified as neither a man nor a woman, and now his precious baby sister wanted to date a non-binary person. She could understand why that could be a lot. It probably wouldn't even be his fault if the conversation went wrong because of that; he could have done with some warning and context, really. 

 

“And non-binary?” He finished for her, a smile spreading his face. 

 

She wanted to smile at that, but she couldn't quite. Not yet, despite his grin. She didn't want to be too optimistic. 

 

“Amy, why did you think that would be a problem?” He asked rhetorically, his voice soft as his smile refused to fade.

 

She swallowed. She didn't smile, but she certainly felt a smile in her heart. He was okay. Of course he was. He was Derek, her kind, caring, accepting brother. "I- I don’t know.”

 

“Come here.” He instructed, patting the seat besides him on the sofa.

 

She shook her head. “No.”

 

“Amy. Please."

 

“Fine.” She huffed, standing up and landing on the seat besides him on the sofa, smiling as she pulled him into a hug despite her previous protests.

 

“So, dinner? Double dates? Me and Mer, you and Kai.” He suggested, rubbing his hand against her shoulder as he refused to release her from the embrace until he was a hundred percent sure that Amelia knew that he still loved her.

 

Notes:

Took a break from a larger book that I'm writing (which I'm hoping to publish in the new year) to write this little one shot after Kaimelia's kiss yesterday.
Hope you enjoyed it! :)

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