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The pair of them are in their shared room, preparing for bed. While Mina's preparations are simple - she cleanses her face with rose water, and then brushes out any tangles in her hear before massaging in a hair tonic and then braiding her dark locks - Lucy's preparations seem complex and lengthy. Lucy would brush her blonde hair for twenty or more minutes. Then she would tie it in rags so that she'd have pretty curls in the morning. Once that was done, she'd clean her face with rosewater and then she would slather some night cream or other sent by her mother to ensure that her pale skin would remain pale or that would vanish any blemish or freckle that would dare to appear on her skin. Once she was done, she'd gaze in the mirror to ensure that she was just as lovely as she the day prior. Mina knew that it was not simple vanity that caused Lucy to be so concerned with her appearance but rather the simple need for a wealthy husband to save her mother and herself from poverty.
"Do you ever get tired of being a good girl?" Lucy asks as she gazes into the mirror.
Mina looks up at her in shock, her hands stilling from the task of mending a petticoat. She can't quite figure out what Lucy means. How could one tire of living a good Christian life?
"Oh you silly goose," Lucy exclaims. "Don't you ever find it exhausting all the rules that we must learn and that we must obey to be considered a certain type of good? How are we any more pious than the saintly little Molly our cleans our clothes? Just because we have more rules to obey? Rules that tell us how pale our skin must be or what colour we must wear for a certain activity? Boys don't have to follow as many rules as we do, yet they are considered to be just as good as we are."
Mina doesn't know what to say. At times she feels like an interloper. She is of a lower class than Lucy and has only been allowed to become Lucy's friend due to a unknown benefactor. She has been reminded every day that she is at the school only due to charity and that there will come a time when she will need to leave behind her girlhood friendships and become a schoolmistress until she can find a suitable husband.
"Really Lucy, I am sure that boys have as many rules as we do."
Lucy laughs. It's a rich sound and it makes Mina feel strange as if they are stealing jam tarts from the kitchen all over again.
"Oh Mina, you're such a darling but surely you know that boys may have as many rules as we do but they are almost always allowed to break them. If we break too many rules, we are viewed as improper or immoral. Sometimes I wish I was a boy and free to do what I wish."
Mina pales at Lucy's words. They are dangerous ones to say in their school where it often feels like the walls have ears. Lucy seems to realize Mina's discomfort and she shakes her head .
"Never mind me Mina my dear, I am being rather silly."
* * *
When Mina and Lucy first met at the age of ten, they had become immediate friends. Something that was wild in Lucy was tamed by the sweet and shy Mina. And their friendship was encouraged despite their differences in wealth, class and future lives. Lucy's mother encouraged the friendship as she feared that her daughter would become wilder if she associated with girls of her own class. A pale faced, dark-haired orphan was preferable as Mrs. Westerna could easily mould and influence the girl into ensuring that Lucy's reputation would be impeccable before marriage.
By the time the girls are nineteen, Mrs. Westerna has come to view Mina as a part of the family. A poorer relation but one who has kept Lucy away from awful ideals of what modern womanhood should be. Mrs. Westerna merely wants her daughter betrothed to a wealthy man of high standing and then happily married.
* * *
"I don't see why I should have to pick just one," Lucy complains.
"Lucy!" Mina exclaims.
"Mina!" Lucy mockingly but cheerfully exclaims. "It's not fair is it?"
"It's not a question of fairness is it? It's a question of what is right and moral and just. Marriage is a sacred rite between one man and one woman."
"But is it truly that?" Lucy asks with a chuckle. "Most men have a mistress if not more than one."
"Not all men," Mina says.
Before she can say anything more, Lucy is speaking again.
"Yes, I suppose most vicars are rule abiding and only have one woman at any given time."
Mina's cheeks burn in embarrassment as Lucy giggles.
"Did you not read that article that I sent you about how so many of the lower classes don't hold true to our idea of what marriage should be?"
"I did and it was rather shocking and sad."
"Oh how could it be sad? If Mrs. Smith finds herself tired of how Mr. Smith treats her, there is nothing stopping her from leaving him and becoming Mrs. Jones and if Mr Jones drinks too much, well she can leave him and start anew as Mrs White. I found the idea of it to be liberating."
"Really Lucy how could you? It was tragic to read about those poor women and how fortune frowned upon them."
Lucy sighs as she turns away from Mina. Sometimes she finds her friend to be a little too old-fashioned and far too prim and proper to understand what Lucy is trying to tell her.
"I see that I have offended you dearest," Lucy apologizes. "Tell me have you heard from Jonathan?"
* * *
She has three suitors but she knows the one that she will be forced to marry. In fact her mother is currently discussing terms with Lord Godalming of her betrothal to his son. Lucy wishes that she was freer to chose her own husband. She is envious of Mina's ability to chose who she shall marry.
"Lucy!" Mina says as she finds her in the garden, sitting upon a bench, with a piece of needlework in her hands, the picture of refinement and pureness. Lucy hates it.
"Your mother was telling me that you shall have three suitors at tonight's party," Mina says as she sits down next to Lucy.
"Yes, how lucky am I? Three men to chose from: Arthur Holmwood, the son of a lord, Dr. John Seward, and the American Quincey Morris. I suspect Mother only allows the other two because they are such dear friends of Arthur's."
Mina seems to be confused. For such a proper young lady, there is a streak of romanticism in Mina that Lucy's mother would find appalling.
"Mother only allows Dr. Seward and Mr. Morris because she wishes to remain on Arthur's good side to ensure a betrothal between us."
"Surely you are mistaken, your mother spoke very highly of Dr. Seward."
Lucy sighs as she sets down her needlework. How does she explain to sweet Mina that her mother would never allow for her to marry a doctor, for the profession may be expected but it's too common for her daughter. Or that Mrs. Westerna would rather see Mina married to a doctor than an orphaned solicitor.
"Yes Mother does seem to like Dr. Seward for he has redeeming qualities despite his profession. He can dance you know and he knows which fork to use for which course."
"Lucy, really, you mustn't speak like that."
Lucy wishes that she could say even more to Mina. She wishes that she could tell her friend that if she had her way that she'd marry all three men. to serve as protection. She knows that there will come a time when her beauty will fade and Arthur will grow bored of married life and he will stray. At least with another husband or two, she would have some form of safety to prevent her husband from chasing after ballerinas and other women in London while she remains at home trying to make ends meet while her husband gambles and drinks away all their money.
She sighs as she listens to Mina go on about how delightful the ball will be tonight. It is a shame that neither she nor Mina have the resources to stand on their own. If she could, she'd marry Mina instead of any man. Even though she knows that Mina would be shocked at the idea, Lucy suspects that Mina doesn't quite love her Jonathan like she claims she does. If she did, she'd obey him far better than she does. Lucy has read Jonathan's letters to Mina and she has read how the solicitor does not view her favourably.
Jonathan views her to be far too much and too rich and too close to losing her reputation. He wishes that Mina would turn away from Lucy Westerna and her dangerous ways that are just this side of being too fast but Mina doesn't. There is a part of Mina that belongs to Lucy alone.
"Lucy are you alright?" Mina asks, her soft hand resting on top of Lucy's own.
"Of course my darling Mina," Lucy says. "How could I not be alright?'
There are some secrets and some thoughts that Lucy will never breathe allow and that she will take to the grave with her for fear of losing Mina forever. It is clear that Mina is not quite ready for the pair of them to run off to Paris or some other city and eschew what is expected of them. Perhaps one day when Jonathan has proven to be nothing more than a weak man unable to resist the sins of his own gender and when Arthur will be off in London in bed with some pretty little ballerina, then maybe Mina will understand why Lucy feels so oppressed by what society expects of them.
* * *
It's been twenty years since Lucy's death and all of the events that surrounded it. Sometimes Mina feels as if it was all a fever dream, as if she had caught Jonathan's illness when she had travelled across Europe to collect him. There are times when she can pretend that none of it ever happened. But there are other times when she has to listen to Lady Godalming complain about how her husband spends to much time in London that she knows none of it was a dream. She wishes that it was Lucy across from her in the pretty little parlour. Lucy would never have accepted her husband wasting time in London while she wasted away in the country. She misses Lucy's strength and even her shocking way of speaking.
As Lady Godalming drones on about one complaint after another, Mina can almost her the ghost of Lucy whispering in her ears. It's as shocking as ever but Mina can recognize the truth in those words.
"Look at her, how long was it after I died that Arthur married her? If our roles had been reversed, I would have been expected to mourn for him for years. I might have been allowed to marry Dr. Seward if only to ensure that Mother and I didn't fall into abject poverty but I would have kept myself in Whitby away from all of society due to the shame. Yet Arthur merely found a pretty and pale stand-in for me and he married the same day we were to be marry for why waste all that planning. Tell me Mina, did the milquetoast wear my dress? And did I not tell you that there would come a time when I would be stuck in the country, all faded and tired whilst Arthur remained in London making the acquaintance of pretty little ballerinas and other pieces of fluff? And what of Dr. Seward? For someone who was so in love with me, he has married well himself and yet he committed his own wife? How tragic for her since I suspect she didn't like the fact that there was one set of rules for her and another for her husband.."
Mina knows that Jonathan is mostly faithful to him but she suspects that is more of his poor health than anything else. How she wishes that she had listen to what Lucy was trying to tell her. If she had been more open then, would things be different than they are now? Would Lucy still be alive? If she had done what Lucy had wanted and bound her fragile friend up in the warm woollen clothing of the servants and smuggled her out of the house and taken her as far as Whitby as she could, would it be Lucy sitting across from her now instead of some pale, pathetic woman?
"I don't see why you don't have your own life?" Mina finally says. "If your husband would rather spend time away from you and in London, why don't you forge your own path and live the life that you wish?"
Lady Godalming blushes. "It's just not done Mrs. Harker. Perhaps your husband allows you more freedom than she should, but Lord Godalming and I don't subscribe to these new fangled ideas."
Mina bites the inside of her mouth as she can hear Lucy's sweet giggle.
"Don't break her dear, she won't allow Art to visit Jonathan and you anymore if she things you are too modern. For all that she appears weak and foolish, she'll make Art's life miserable."
Mina sighs. "I am sure that I didn't mean anything improper Lady Godalming. I merely meant that if your husband must be away on business in London, that there is nothing stopping you from charitable works at home or some other proper occupation for a wife of your standing."
Lady Godalming purses her lips as she considers Mina's words. Mina hadn't meant that Lady Godalming should head some charity or the like. She honestly meant that the other woman should a life to rival her husband's.
"My apologies Mrs. Harker, it's just one hears about how forward and modern some women are these days and although I know I shouldn't listen to gossip, you should know that there are many that would tell me to not be your friend due to your association with Lord Godalming's former betrothed."
Mina flushes. When Lucy had died whilst she had been travelling to meet Jonathan, there were some friends of Lucy who tried to insinuate that she was somehow responsible for Lucy's death. Even this many years later, it still hurts her to hear the gossip.
"What a horrid woman she is," The ghost of Lucy whispers in her ear. "No wonder Art spends all of his time in London. I'd do the same if I had to marry a petty little doll such as her. I suspect she spreads most of the gossip herself."
Before Mina can really respond, Arthur and Jonathan are at the door begging entrance. They are flushed from their after dinner drinks and cigars. And as Art says something that only means a thing to the herself and Jonathan, she realizes why Lady Godalming hates her so much. And in that moment, Mina pities the Lady Godalming just as she knows that had Lucy lived, she would never have become this simpering little fool who holds onto an ideal of womanhood that was dying when she and Lucy were both sixteen and Lucy was asking Mina wouldn't she rather be a boy than a girl bound by far too many rules.