Work Text:
Each step made an audible creak, that sounded through the quiet hall.
Each breath was anxious and heavy, even more so than in the midst of battle.
But neither of these were as audible, as ear-numbingly loud, as the sound of her own heartbeat.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Her heart, it was the opposite of lackadaisical. So full of equal parts energy and indecision; that heart of hers was the source of all the problems that weighed on her mind at that moment.
Finally reaching her goal, ceasing her steps, standing before her intended door, she felt no less worried. Her heart was beating no less quickly. Her face felt no less hot.
She raised a hand to knock, but couldn't bring herself to. The beating was already loud enough, wouldn't knocking be overkill?
The door was ajar, anyway. So, with a light push, she was greeted with a wondrous sight.
Emilia, just Emilia, was many things: a Candidate for the throne of Lugunica, the Witch of Glaciation, a silver-haired half-elf, the conqueror of the Pleiades Watchtower.
She never thought herself capable of escaping those titles, being someone beyond the traits she was born with and the accolades she'd achieved only with a great deal of aid.
But there was one thing Emilia knew she was, one thing she finally, truly, knew for certain.
Emilia, just Emilia, loved Natsuki Subaru.
It had taken well over a year, but she could finally say that and have no doubts about it.
She was in love with Subaru, so incredibly in love that his mere absence pushed her into depression.
Fighting Greed was a struggle, trudging through Sand Time was an undertaking, the battles with Gluttony and Shaula and Volcanica were all painful. But none of those hurt more than losing Subaru.
She was so relieved when his memories returned…
And just as despondent when he up and vanished, flung across the world to a foreign land.
Emilia had reached many lows in her life, but none were as bad as those days, those weeks, those months of useless traveling and useless waiting. Subaru could have died in Vollachia. He could have died at any moment.
Emilia could have woken up one morning, just like any other, to that terrible news and there was absolutely nothing she could've done about it.
All she could do was hope, and fantasize.
So she hoped, and she fantasized.
She imagined the day they would be reunited over and over and over and over again.
She'd tackle him to the ground and hug him harder than ever before. She'd loosen the embrace, but not break it. And before he could say a word, she'd steal his lips.
Emilia had her own reasons to believe, to believe that her Subaru would return to her.
Unfortunately, reality is often cruel.
And fantasies rarely play out as imagined.
Her breath caught. She'd make no noise. She'd allow nothing to marr that image.
By the window, leaning out into the cool night, a breeze blowing past…
The curtains ruffling, the moonlight shining, the stars in the sky yielding the stage to a wholly superior individual…
The gentle wind carried flowing black hair back, and the dim light illuminated every outstanding feature.
Those nasty eyes, that distant expression, that same orange and black tracksuit… it fit the Subaru within her memories perfectly, her Subaru. Except…
This wasn't quite Subaru.
The masculine frame he held, the visible muscles he'd spent a whole year developing, the very form of the man she loved—it had changed.
Subaru was shorter now, his sharp features softened. He was… well, he was no longer a he.
He was she.
And, she was…
When their reunion finally came, when Emilia finally caught sight of her knight after being separated for so long, she could hardly recognize him.
There was no tackle into a kiss, like she imagined. There was just a stunned silence. A stunned silence that lingered.
It lingered for an entire week.
While Otto and Garfiel accepted their new sister with open arms, while Ram and Roswaal didn't miss a beat in their usual relations, while Frederica and Petra readily pushed Subaru into dozens of dresses that she never wore in a casual setting, Emilia was just… stuck.
She was absolutely bamboozled, discombobulated, and positively stupefied.
Instead of a kiss, she gave a meek greeting.
Instead of regular dates and a confession, she grew distant and barely spoke to him.
She just… she couldn't decide how she felt while looking at him… her.
And it all came to head when she was watching Subaru go through the obstacle course one day. She was watching from her window, and was… mesmerized.
Every movement, every jump, every sprint… the way Subaru's new body… jiggled.
Emilia had to cover her eyes in embarrassment. Peeking through her fingers, she wondered why she was so flustered to begin with.
Subaru was different, yes. But she had imagined him going through his training regularly on lonely nights, which was every night. She shouldn't be so confused! What was wrong with her?!
Emilia could only watch for a minute before flopping down onto her bed, unable to continue making coherent thoughts. And she laid there for who knows how long until she finally reattained some semblance of composure.
She took one last look through the window, finding Subaru gone. Good. Now, all she had to do was back up. Back up from the window, from her room, from her hall, all the way into the baths.
She'd let those warm waters wash away all the red on her face, and the looping images in her mind.
But it was then, opening up the door to the baths, that Emilia's mind reached a point of no return.
Too preoccupied with her own confused thinking, the half-elf had failed to notice that the bath was occupied, and who exactly was occupying it, and who was in the process of walking out of it with a towel only covering their lower half.
Needless to say, Emilia would never have that sight, that pair of sights, out of her mind for the rest of her days.
It took hours in the bath to stop thinking about them.
Beautiful. She was beautiful.
There was no better word to describe Subaru. No more fitting term, Emilia had finally decided.
Before the half-elf's eyes could drift downwards and before her mind could return to an inoperable state, a voice that sent a pleasurable chill down her spine sounded out.
"I guess you were right… my stars really were bad in the end, Al…"
Emilia struggled to speak, instinctually not wanting to ruin the piece of art that was the scene before her, but managed to after some effort.
"Subaru?"
With a flutter of black hair, Subaru's head turned. Her eyes, those amber eyes, met Emilia's own.
Everything in the world faded away, and all that remained was Subaru, and the words she spoke.
"Emilia-tan?"
She was barely standing now; she felt like she was melting. Hearing that familiar name, it brought the heat in her face to a never-before-seen height. She struggled to speak before, but she found herself totally physically incapable of it now.
"I—" Subaru began, breaking eye contact.
Losing the attention of those eyes felt terribly cold. Colder than all those nights alone.
"I know it's hard to get used to… me being like this…"
She took a lock of that now long hair of hers and twisted it around her finger. The way the moonlight shone on it, Emilia couldn't tear her gaze away.
"It was a crazy dream, wasn't it? Thinking I could come back and have everything be normal again…"
"Subaru…" Emilia immediately replied. If only Subaru knew…
"It's okay. You don't have to pretend like everything is fine. You don't have to force yourself to be okay with this."
Subaru let the strand of her hair go. She kept her eyes to the ground, but stood up straight, fully facing Emilia.
That confidence. That wonderful part of Subaru that got her to always stand up no matter what, that wonderful quality of hers that propelled her forward.
Emilia loved to see it again, but her heart twitched at the reason Subaru had to summon it in her presence.
"I can take no for an answer, Emilia. I won't jud—"
Her body moved on her own; she did it on pure instinct. Emilia crossed the room, and pushed Subaru against the wall, slamming her hand beside her head.
"E-Emilia-tan?!"
She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't withstand her own decision anymore. She wouldn't let her confused heart keep Subaru waiting for another year.
"Y-you dunderhead! Nincompoop!"
"No one says that anymore, Emi—"
"Well I do!" she cut Subaru off, even with how much she longed to hear him say that phrase. "I say that! I decide what I want!"
Emilia met those amber eyes again.
"I decide what I'm okay with!"
Her voice began to shake, but her determination remained steeled.
"It was hard… it was so hard without you…"
As tears clouded her vision, Emilia asked, "Do you really think a little change would scare me away?"
"It's a pretty big change…" Subaru replied, shifting her sights away, "you've been reserved all week, keeping your distance…"
"Subaru."
Emilia took a hand to grab Subaru's chin, pulling her knight's eyes back into locking with her own. She wouldn't let there be any distance between them anymore. She wouldn't let them fall into their terrible habits of hiding weakness, hiding feelings.
Meeting Subaru's eyes, Emilia allowed her unfiltered thoughts to present themselves. She let her knight truly see her.
"I decided months ago who the man I wanted to marry was."
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
"But tonight," Emilia gulped, saying her next words with total certainty, "I've decided who the woman I want to marry is."
Subaru's eyes widened, softening so wonderfully. But Emilia could not relish that now, there was something she had to do, something her unrestrained heart yearned for above all else.
Leaning her head forward, she finally fulfilled the key moment of her fantasy. Even if it was a week late, she gave Subaru that kiss she'd imagined every day that he was away, she was away.
Neither of them wanted to break it, neither of them wanted to stop being so close, neither of them were ever more in love than in that moment.
But after many long, happy seconds, Emilia finally pulled back and said:
"I love you, Subaru. Easy or hard. Man or woman."
An almost lewd look came to the half-elf's face, "And besides, Natsumi always did look sexy-cute in dresses!"
"Emilia-tan!" Subaru, her face redder than even Emilia's own, exclaimed.
"If you can say it, then so can I!"
And so, Emilia finally confessed her love to her knight, the beautiful woman Natsuki Subaru.