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For as long as he can remember, Hyunjae has lived in the shadows. The shadows hiding him were not those of people with characters bolder or louder than him, not shadows of people who talked over him or who talked for him. The shadows hiding him were not comfortable shadows of the large oak tree in the garden of the mansion or the shadows of the umbrellas when the rain would be falling mercilessly over everyone.
The shadows casting over Hyunjae’s whole life were darker than any of those. They were colder and gloomier, greying a couple of strands in Hyunjae’s original chestnut hair from the stress and anger bottled up in him. The shadows, despite being the darkest things, lit up loathe and hatred inside of him.
Hyunjae was born and raised and has been living in one poor family where both of his parents dedicated their sunny days and starry nights to serve the rich they lived under the mercy of. He had no siblings, no friends, just his parents and the owners of the mansion he grew looking at – and through – before he slept on the carpet in his parents’ little house that was built to the corner of the large entrance.
And ever since Hyunjae could add one and one to get two, the little boy knew that the perfect white set of teeth that shone at him in a smile from the prosperous lady was nothing but an act of pity and a mask to hide the disgust she felt towards him. Him who was a child of the poor, the lower class, the less people, the dirty community.
Hyunjae grew up in such shadows of papers with faces and numbers printed firmly upon. Hyunjae youthfully aged in such shadows of shining jewelry and extraordinary luxury. Hyunjae matured in such shadows of a mansion uselessly big and two elderlies fake, selfish and arrogant beyond belief behind the closed gate that stood hundreds of meters to introduce their estate.
Soon enough, his parents’ lifetime started wilting away while his was in its peak of blossoming. Hyunjae was in the first months of his seventeens when he was able to talk his parents into retiring from the slavery they lived under and moving to a small village house that he said he saved enough money to buy for them. The retirement was not thought about before it got accepted, seeming like the wealthy ones were expecting this or maybe thinking about how it saved them from kicking the old couple out.
Not even two days later, Hyunjae was being introduced to a boy his age who was promising to be someone of great help in keeping the mansion secure and the dinner table full with only the most delicious foods. That’s when Hyunjae led someone of his age into the small house he lived in. That’s when Hyunjae watched someone other than his parents spread his things neatly in the old, wooden closet by the door and sit on the bed facing it with a small bounce.
“It is cozy in here. Will we be sharing the bed?” Hyunjae chuckled and uncrossed his arms at the innocent question. “Younghoon, isn’t it?” the boy nodded at the question with a smile across his lips. “Well, Younghoon, I’m glad you like this small house we will be living in. The kitchen and bathroom are clear and this area here is everything else, living room, bed room, relaxing room, whatever room you want. And yes, we will share the bed unless you want to sleep on the floor.”
That’s when Hyunjae met Younghoon.
Oh innocent angel Younghoon. Oh so beautiful Younghoon.
Hyunjae, in one night, learned everything about Younghoon that could be narrated out. He learned how Younghoon was an orphan, grew up surrounded by kids like him, had always been accepting of the life he was pushed upon, had always been thankful for everything he ever had despite barely having anything.
Hyunjae silently, between his heart and his brain, wished he could be like Younghoon; sweet and pure. But the built detest of long, hard years in him wouldn’t subside for more than five seconds.
“Haven’t you ever wished you were rich and powerful like them?” Hyunjae asked after hours of listening to Younghoon’s honest stories. “Maybe sometimes, I did. But they never lasted long. This is my life and since I am living like this, I will live my best like this, the way it is. There’s always something good in everything.” Younghoon told him with a smile that was more satisfied than sad and it made something twitch inside of Hyunjae.
Perhaps his devil and angel were meeting in the middle of his brain. One fighting the other to get the upper hand. One fighting for the agreement with Younghoon and his words – his facts – and the other fighting for the disagreement with his new companion and the plan to convince him otherwise. The plan to convince Younghoon that they could be rich and powerful in ways Hyunjae had thought about so many times.
But then Hyunjae… Hyunjae, who only ever had his eyes on the million-dollar-worth shining crystals in the mansion and the more-million-dollar-worth ancient vases in every other corner of the first floor, suddenly started paying some more attention to something else. To someone else.
Now, Hyunjae spares three out of the five minutes in the kitchen to look at Younghoon instead of looking at the painting that was bought with at least five thousand dollars only to be hung in the previously empty wall of the kitchen.
Hyunjae always looked at it to criticize how unfitting its greens were compared to the pinks of the tiles around it but he knew his opinions will always be worthless in front of its expensive worth. Now, Hyunjae looks at the fancy black of Younghoon’s hair as it falls in soft, short curtains to cover his stern face while he slouches over the counter to cook.
Hyunjae watches five of Younghoon’s slender fingers wrap around the big knife while the other five hold down the meat, chicken, vegetables, everything edible in need to be cut. Younghoon chops almost professionally and it makes a hidden smile dance along the lines of Hyunjae’s lips, “Oh wow, I didn’t know some day I would be standing by a chef and watching him prepare an extraordinary dinner which I could also eat from.”
Younghoon gives him a quick glance, his hand never stopping or faltering in its up and down movement over the chopping board. Hyunjae smiles at the reddening tips of the boy’s ears at his indirect compliment, cooing quietly at him so that other workers won’t hear him being all over the new presence in the mansion. “I’m a mere amateur at cooking, Hyunjae. Don’t have very high expectations.”
Hyunjae chuckles, the other dragging out his sentence and cutting it into small words spoken separately because of the distraction from his cooking food. “Oh I already know whatever you make will be wonderful. I know for sure that high-ends like these owners don’t really get anyone to work for them. I am only here because of my parents, otherwise I would never imagine coming around their area.”
After Hyunjae’s claims, nothing else is heard besides the wooden spatula hitting the bottom of the pot and the soft wash of water every now and then before utensils and plates clank against each other as they are set to dry. Hyunjae keeps an eye outside, making sure of the absence of any intruders and the constant locked state of the gate. He moves around lightly, keeping his steps quiet and his existence muted.
Younghoon leans back against the counter and his head tilts to the side, his eyes landing on Hyunjae who is sitting at the chair by the window. “We have only known each other for a day and even though we shared our life stories, I feel like you have so much hidden.” Younghoon starts, his words feeling heavy in his tongue but Hyunjae is unaffected. His expressions are calm and peaceful, no sign of frustration with the accusations that are still innocent.
“But something that’s so obvious to me is that you hate them so much. I wouldn’t expect this since you grew up here.” Now these words make Hyunjae stiffen and then chuckle with mockery, his head shaking from side to side as the smile decorating his lips is anything but sweet as he says, “Babe, there are so many things about me you wouldn’t expect. I hope you like surprises as much as I like causing them.”
Hyunjae sees the red cover patches of Younghoon’s skin again once he started to talk a couple of seconds ago and it makes him get up and move forward with confidence, maybe a little bit of authority hanging in his slender form. He knows he is crossing lines, placing each of his hands on the counter beside either side of Younghoon’s hips as he leaves barely fifty centimeters between them.
He is close. Hyunjae is closer than he should be with someone he has known for twenty-four hours. But Hyunjae forgets that for a second when he feels Younghoon’s breathing stop then come out heavily, his lungs seeming to be hardly getting any air into them. Hyunjae spends a few more seconds appreciating the boy in his space – or rather the boy Hyunjae is in his space – silently to himself.
Close like this, Hyunjae can see how really dark Younghoon’s hair is. Its black is darker than any charcoal and any night he had lived through. Younghoon’s eyes are also dark, but a dark brown that is one shade lighter than the bitter chocolate he likes. Hyunjae can’t help but also notice the ever so small spark in them that lights brightly – in the moment – in a small interpretation of fear and thrill mixed together.
Hyunjae frankly wants to spend more time – hours instead of minutes, if he could – and analyze every small detail of Younghoon’s appearance before going into the depth of his soul. However, Hyunjae sticks to licking his lips, pushing away any growing desires before smiling his best grin at the boy in front of him and saying, “Even though the answer is a little obvious, I hope you like boys, Younghoonie.”
Younghoon answers with a little nod and it only makes Hyunjae push closer against him for a brief second before pulling away. He reaches to fix Younghoon’s hair, tucking it behind his ear. “Work well. I will see you at dinner, back home.” Hyunjae tells him and cups Younghoon’s cheek in his palm as if he has spent years doing it. He gives the flesh a small squeeze and leaves, thoughts of Younghoon and other things stirring up in Hyunjae’s mind.
Only the second night and Hyunjae can feel the relationship holding him and Younghoon get tighter, better for the both of them. Somehow, Hyunjae finds a belief that Younghoon completes him, fills the gaps he has been missing as a person.
The more they spend time together, talk with each other, eat with each other, lay in bed through sleepless nights, get close with each other – to put simply – the more they rub off each other.
Three months after they first met, Younghoon now sees parts of himself in the way Hyunjae talks or deals with specific situations the Hyunjae before would have acted differently in. Similarly, Hyunjae sees Younghoon use expressions he had learned from him and finish some chores he used to do in another way when he had first arrived.
It gets better – or maybe worse – when they start dating. They don’t need to announce it out loud. Hyunjae’s back hugs while Younghoon cooks and Younghoon’s hand pushing the fruit into Hyunjae’s mouth while he paints the door that connects the garage to the mansion all announce their devotion to each other to everyone passing.
At some point, Hyunjae realizes how limited Younghoon’s effects are on him while his effects seem to be crashing in endless waves on Younghoon. As Hyunjae holds Younghoon over his chest and plays with his hair with one hand while his other hand rests under his own head and he looks up at the stars glowing in the dark sky, he thinks how all of the affection, tenderness, care, warmth, sentiment he had learned from Younghoon is limited.
Everything was limited to Younghoon and Younghoon only. In Hyunjae’s logic, Younghoon is allowed to do anything he wants and it will be okay and accepted even if it were anything but. He sounds unfair in the way he has been acting with Younghoon by his side but the chastise whispers of the workers behind his back meant nothing when his boy is smiling at him, his smile bright and joyful.
How dare them say he was being unfair, anyway. Wasn’t life unfair to them?
Hyunjae’s major waves of effect crash and settle on Younghoon in that sense. Hyunjae builds it up in the back of Younghoon’s mind how they are living in such an unfair way. Behind his true complaints about his back hurting and his hands getting rougher at a very young age, Hyunjae’s main goal is to shift Younghoon to his side.
The complaints were real but what is realer is the way Younghoon seems to look with more disgust at the elderly owners of the mansion as days pass by. Younghoon starts to sigh and pout while he prepares food for them and once, he leans back against Hyunjae’s chest and leaves the knife down on the chopping board. Hyunjae leaves a kiss on his temple and hums in question to which Younghoon whispers quietly, “Why can’t she cook for herself and her husband… I’m so tired, my legs hurt so much, jae.”
Hyunjae frowns slightly but quickly puts on a blank expression, his hands patting his lover’s thighs and moving him carefully to go sit in one of the chairs. “Sit down for a bit, sunshine. I can cook today, just keep me company.” Younghoon’s pout pushes his lips out further but he stays seated, lifting his feet from the floor and stretching like a kitten, softly and slightly as he mumbles, “Can you do that?”
“Of course.” Hyunjae starts talking and swiftly holds up the knife, twirling it in his hand and between his fingers almost naturally as he glances at the maid shrieking by the kitchen door. “I’m really good with knives.” He continues, a smirk growing on his lips as the poor young lady quickly shuffles away and Younghoon clicks his tongue at him, whining, “Jae! Stop doing that and scaring literally everyone in this house.”
Hyunjae sighs quietly then nods and turns around, a wicked smile on his lips away from Younghoon’s sight as he uses the knife over the chopping board. “Would you ever hate me?” Hyunjae asks after a while, after the food can be left alone to cook and he can be crouching in front of his boyfriend.
Younghoon frowns and shakes his head, sitting up straight in his chair. “Why? Do you like someone else now?” Hyunjae chuckles at the words coming out of the other boy’s mouth, taking Younghoon’s hands in his before he speaks up again, quieter this time, “Do you want to leave this place? Live far away, have a proper apartment for us, get better jobs, cook only for us.”
Hyunjae tilts his head as he waits for the response, already getting a hint about what it could be from the sparkle that shone brightly in Younghoon’s eyes at the listing of the possible actions. “You wanna run away? We don’t have anything, though. No money to buy an apartment or official papers about our leaving. I don’t think they would ever let us leave, we both know that…”
Younghoon starts to worry out loud over the idea but Hyunjae is quick to shut all the worries away, a smile that is scary to anyone looking closely at it adorning his thin lips. “They wouldn’t be able to keep us locked in here if they are dead, baby.” Younghoon’s hands pull away from Hyunjae’s grip but Hyunjae pulls them to him again as he speaks, “I’ll take care of it. Just tell me the word and we will both be away from here and living for ourselves only.”
They don’t say anything after that with Hyunjae getting up to finish the dinner and prepare the table with Younghoon. They don’t speak as Hyunjae fills the plates and Younghoon serves them on the table, the couple digging into their food and leaving the table as quick as they had sat around it.
Hyunjae doesn’t miss Younghoon’s gaze that lasted half a second longer on the lady’s wrist when he set down her plate in front of her and Hyunjae makes sure that what Younghoon wants, Younghoon gets. And it will not be different now, no matter what it is. He just needs Younghoon’s word and everything will be much easier for him.
Hyunjae gets the word. While Hyunjae is getting dressed to start their day and Younghoon watches him, still tangled in the sheets of their shared bed, Hyunjae hears a small voice speak to him, “I wanna live a better life with you, Jae… Will we really be able to do it?”
He smiles at Younghoon’s question and moves to sit on the bed beside him, pushing his hair away from his face as he assures him, “We will not live in a mansion like this or sleep on beds of money and pillows of gold but we will be free. We will be independent and have jobs, not oh so fancy jobs but ones that pay our food and bills and let us live just a bit better than this.”
Younghoon nods, understanding Hyunjae’s words clearly before he sits up and moves in to kiss along Hyunjae’s shoulder and the side of his face, whispering against his skin, between them, “We will be free… I like that. Just you and me, living and working and serving each other only. I want it, Hyunjae.”
Hyunjae smiles at him, he never stops smiling at Younghoon and he doesn’t think he ever will. “Can’t we just run away though? Steal our papers, make them sign our papers to leave and just go.” Hyunjae shook his head at the suggestion, he wishes it were that easy. “I’ve been around enough to know what happens to everyone that works here and asks to quit. Especially those who have been inside and know about some of their works.”
He continues, his fingers grazing up along Younghoon’s chest slowly, “Let’s just get rid of them and free everyone. Give others some cash and we take the rest, sunshine.” Younghoon sighs for a second but nods nonetheless, Hyunjae’s fingers dancing around his throat then down his arm to wrap around his wrist, “It will be around your wrist tonight. I promise.”
The promise makes Younghoon bite his lip to hide back a smile that Hyunjae loves. Hyunjae knows Younghoon is hiding his smile because it is everything but what he is – it is devilish rather than angelic – but Hyunjae thrives on it, on the corruption he has caused the slightly older boy. “Smile for me, come on.” Hyunjae urges, his hands cupping Younghoon’s cheeks.
Younghoon obeys – like he always does and always will – and smiles at Hyunjae without any holding back. Hyunjae grins wider, squeezing Younghoon’s cheeks for a second before leaning in to kiss him. They kiss for a minute but then Younghoon pushes him away and gets up, excusing himself to get dressed and go to his job, telling Hyunjae to quickly do the same.
Hyunjae obeys him too – this one time – and leaves to start his day as normally as he can manage. The first task isn’t that hard. It actually isn’t hard at all. Their moneyed lady usually enjoys her breakfasts in bed and Hyunjae is no stranger to serving her the food by himself. He enters the room with a smile ever so sweet and wishes her a good breakfast before he leaves and waits for the best to happen.
Hyunjae meets the husband and asks him for a word aside, preferably in the master bedroom of the mansion and the elderly man only accepts, promising to be up in a minute or so. Hyunjae calls for Younghoon to follow him and he does, both boys walking up and then into the master bedroom.
The young couple meets the elderly couple and only the latter are confused. The confusion becomes anxiety then fear at the sight of Hyunjae reaching for a pair of gloves from his pocket to put them on before eyeing the breakfast tray and the knife resting on it.
When the door is closed and locked behind them and Hyunjae has his hand firmly gripped onto a knife whilst the other traces Younghoon's jawline almost delicately, Younghoon frankly feels scared. Hyunjae calms his boyfriend down, already expecting the scared feeling to take over the angel in front of him.
Hyunjae then turns around with a teasing smile across his lips as he says, “Sir. Ma’am. Thank you for the meeting!” The old man starts to protest but the way Hyunjae holds the knife up and towards him rather professionally makes him shut up. “Now before we get to the more serious things, my Younghoon here likes the bracelet you’re wearing. Would you be such a generous, lovely lady and give it to him?”
The lady scoffs and huffs, raising a tantrum before his eyes and Hyunjae only whines, taking a couple of steps forward and pressing the knife to her neck. She shuts up, naturally, and Hyunjae traces the tip of the knife down her shoulder and arm, listening to the man beside him urge her to give the bracelet then telling Hyunjae to step back and away.
It goes like that, Hyunjae takes the bracelet and backs away. He smiles and voices out his gratitude before handing them a pen and a paper that Younghoon carried along, “Now why don’t you also be some nice sweethearts and write out how you dismissed all the workers with their pays and money and sign it up?”
Hyunjae knows all the words being spit out at him and the fights they are pulling up but he is impatient now that he is so close to what he had always dreamed of. He is so close to the freedom of the slavery in this stupid mansion and Hyunjae cannot wait to have his grip on it. “The door is locked and I can kill you both in more than one way right in this room. Be quick, write it and sign it before I finish putting the bracelet on my Younghoon’s wrist or else you won’t die well.”
Younghoon’s hand is shaking when Hyunjae holds it up. He smiles at his boyfriend and the latter only looks at him with a hint of fear and a part of him waits for Younghoon to talk him through all of this plan again. However, as Hyunjae clasps the bracelet around his wrist and kisses it then Younghoon’s knuckles, shaming and humiliating words are thrown at them and that shifts the look in Younghoon’s eyes.
Hyunjae smiles to himself. Younghoon pulls him close and kisses him softly before tilting his head to the side, “Jae… Quickly, please. I wanna finish packing everything before tomorrow so that we can leave early. You said we will get over with it quickly. Let’s do it, hm?” Hyunjae laughs and turns to glance at the other two still watching over them.
“Give me one more minute, sunshine.” Hyunjae says with a wink and a smile and Younghoon giggles. Younghoon, sweet angel Younghoon giggles as he watches his boyfriend march with ease and stab the lady. Hyunjae lays her on the bed while she bleeds and removes the knife, leaving a couple more stabs to make sure she wouldn’t be alive in two minutes.
Hyunjae looks at the man now, his face calm while the elderly is frantic, speechless but pale and lips parted in muted words, begs maybe? Younghoon comes into view, handing the paper and pen to the owner of the mansion while giving him his sweetest, angelic smile, “Thank you in advance, sir.” The man finds himself with no choice. Two young boys stand in front of him, waiting for a move to be an excuse to lay him lifeless beside his dead wife.
So, he writes and signs. He writes word by word and changes what the young couple tells him to change. Younghoon is the one who takes the paper and grins as he reads over it, looking at Hyunjae and giving him a nod. Hyunjae sighs and smiles as he turns to look at the man. He walks closer, handing the knife out to him. “Now, would you like to take your life away because, as you wrote, you are regretting killing your wife because you found out she was cheating on you?”
It is useless to put up a fight. If he doesn’t kill himself, Hyunjae will kill him. Pride matters till the last breath and a wealthy man does not accept to die by the hands of a mere, poor servant of his. That makes him stab himself and fall in front of the young boys, blood oozing out of him as he looks at them while he takes his last breaths.
Hyunjae wraps his arm around Younghoon’s waist and pulls him to the door, unlocking it with his other free hand as he tells him with joy that shouldn’t be there, “Don’t let your shoes get dirty and red, sunshine.” Younghoon grins and nods, taking one last glance inside the room, checking how two bodies are breathless, motionless and lifeless are laying around.
Hyunjae takes off his gloves and pushes them into his deep pockets as he holds the papers from Younghoon and walks down, calling out loudly for everyone else to gather in the main hall. When everyone is present, Younghoon is sobbing quietly into his shoulder and he has a tear stain on his cheek and his strong demeanor is all over the atmosphere.
He reads out the letter, stops at some places to cough as a way to hide his ‘choked up sobs’ while he talks. Hyunjae then promises to hand out the money in an hour, leaving everyone to go pack up their things to leave. Younghoon helps stack the money from the safe in separate bags and gives them out to the workers one by one until there’s only the two of them left.
The couple take everything they can. They stack cash and push diamonds and jewelry and the gold into their travelling bags before they leave to pack their humble stuff from the small house they have lived in this whole time. They do it quickly, wasting no time before they leave the residence and march their way to the bus stop on the main road.
What will happen now that the mansion stays the same from the outside while two dead bodies lay inside, they don’t know. No one thinks about it. Their fellow workers may have shed a tear or two but Hyunjae had overheard the giddiness in their conversation about how they can now leave this place.
“It is frankly the ugliest mansion in the area, Jae.” Hyunjae chuckles at Younghoon’s comment once they are seated in the bus and heading to another town that is far enough from this one. They take another bus to the city and Hyunjae is quick to find a café on the street and walk in to ask for information regarding small apartments for sale.
Younghoon is tired and so is Hyunjae, but they spend four hours walking around with their heavy luggage dragging behind them before they find one small apartment that is much better than the place they lived in before. At least it has a separate bedroom and living room, the kitchen big enough for them to move around freely and the couches more comfortable than any of the boys had ever felt before.
Now when they think of it, even Hyunjae agrees of how risky it was. When three weeks later the police pull up to the restaurant where Hyunjae works, he cannot lie and say he doesn’t feel exposed. It goes well, though. The officers claiming that they found the bodies and the letter and they want to know more about what happened.
Hyunjae tells them, with shaky hands and tears shining in the corners of his eyes, how he was born and raised under their roof. He talks about how they were the reason his parents could raise him well and how frustrating it was to walk into the bedroom to serve them their coffee, only to find them dead.
It is tragic and horrendous to Hyunjae and the police understands that and don’t push further. They only tell him their best regards and leave. The police never show up again but Hyunjae tells Younghoon about the incident, making sure Younghoon doesn’t say anything different just in case.
Hyunjae and Younghoon now live together in a nice apartment in the middle of the city. Their wardrobe is filled with clothes and shoes that is enough and more. Nothing is from a brand but they don’t care, the fabric is nice and so are the designs. They used the money from selling the jewelry to pay for the apartment and the clothes, leaving them only with the stacks of cash and whatever remains of gold.
They take it slow and Hyunjae says that they are taking it smart too. In a few years’ time, Hyunjae and Younghoon plan to buy the store in the first floor of the building and rebrand it into a café for them. They talk about their plans almost every night. They plan and hope and wish and work diligently because they know money is never stable and they have to work for it.
Hyunjae keeps sending his parents money and cash runs out so they cannot even think about quitting any of their mediocre jobs. They don’t live rich but they don’t live poor either. They live together and have enough to sleep with a full stomach. And after everything, that’s what matters.
What matters the most to them is having each other and loving each other. They spend so many hours cherishing each other and spending their time happily together. They fight from time to time but they never sleep without making up. They make sure to always remind each other how much they care and love the other and that’s enough as well.
They have their ups and downs, coming short on money a few months in the second and third year but they manage through it. The investment in the café will be a success and Younghoon believes that if they miss out some dates at the Italian restaurant in the other part of the city, then it isn’t a problem if it will help them actually be independent and run their own business – no matter how small – and live from it.