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"That man looks physically ill, Junko-oneesama," Izuku whispers to her. "Is he okay?"
"Of course he isn't, Izu-chan," Junko rolled her eyes at him. "He's one of us."
"Oh."
The boy looked over at them, before his face twisted into distaste. "Ah…. Enoshima-san."
"Nagito!" Junko squeals. "Just call me Junko, honey."
Izuku makes a face. Honey? Please tell him this wasn't a Mikan situation.
"Don't call me that," The boy said in disgust.
Oh, thank god. It was a Matsuda one.
"I can call you whatever I want," Junko cheerfully informed him. "You're my bitch, after all."
"I am not– " the boy started, but Junko cuts him off by swinging her arms around him.
"Yeahhh, listen. No one fucking cares, Nagito. You're nothing but a stupid waste of space, and you know it. So you are going to let me do whatever I want to you, because deep down we both know that I'm better. If I kiss you, you will let me do that to you. If I choke you, you will let me do that to you. If I want to put a collar on you? You will damn well put on a collar. You know why, Nagito? Because you're pathetic. You're starved for attention, and you know this is the only kind something like you deserves. So: shut the fuck up. Don't speak unless I order you to. Got it?"
The boy was trembling by the end of it, cheeks heated into something embarrassed. But he didn't talk.
"Good," Junko smiled, patting him on the head. "Good boy!"
The boy looked down, avoiding her eyes, and she tsked. "Look at your betters, Komaeda ."
Wide eyed, he looked up, fingers twisting from where he grasped his shirt.
" Now, what I was saying before someone interrupted me… Izuku, this is Nagito Komaeda. Nagito, this is Izuku Midoriya. He's my brother."
"You have my condolences," Komaeda turns to Izuku.
Oh, dear. He just disobeyed Junko to do that. This guy is not quick on the uptake, is he? You should never disobey Junko.
Her eyes grow a touch colder. "What did I just say, Nagito?"
Komaeda stares at her, mouth closed. She rolls her eyes. "You can talk now, ding-dong."
"Oh, can I?" He asked. "Well, I don't really have anything I want to say. A shame, that."
Junko groans. "Just say hi to my brother, dingus. You'll be punished later." She smirks. "By all of us. All of your precious classmates."
Komaeda's eyes flitted away from her, the picture of discomfort. He turned towards him, instead. "Hi."
"H-Hi?" Izuku waved back. "It's nice to meet you."
"There, done. Can I go now, Enoshima-san?"
Junko tugs on his ear. "Call me Junko. That's an order. I thought it was clear that it was from the start, but now I see you were too dumb to get that." She let's go of his ear, and Komaeda goes to rub it. "One more thing."
Komaeda looks at her in annoyance. "Yes, Junko?"
"Be nice to my brother. Or else."
"H-Hey, Junko-oneesama?" Izuku said, hesitant.
"Hm?" Junko said. "What is it?"
"How… How do you plan on bringing Komaeda-kun into despair?" He asked, hesitantly, "The few times I've talked to him, he seemed… to adore hope. And… quite frankly, hate you, and despair."
Junko giggles. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I'll be his support."
"Support?"
"Yes," Junko said with a smile, eyes distant. "That's what I was at first. His confidant. Until, well… he realized just what I was doing. He hates me for my despair, yes? Even though he thinks I'm necessary. But… Well, his classmates are awfully eager to hurt him. At my command, of course. I'll support him through it. I'll give him the one thing he wants more than hope or despair: love. Acceptance. Such human things, huh?" Junko looked almost sad when she said this. "That's all any human wants."
"...Is that…" Izuku said, quietly. "Is that what you want?" He whispered it. "More than despair?"
Junko looked startled, before she smiled. "Ah, no." She giggled. "Of course not. I'm not human, Izu-chan—I'm a goddess in the flesh!"
Izuku left it at that, for now. But he thought, it was very sad to not even see yourself as human.
It was very sad, even if she phrased it like a good thing.
"Hey, what did you dream of being, when you were young, Komaeda-kun?" Izuku asks in a rare moment they were alone, looking up at the canopy of trees as they rustled. "Didn't you want to be more than this?"
"...I wanted to be meaningful," Komaeda said.
"Huh," Izuku says, humming. "I guess at least you are getting your wish."
Komaeda is silent. Then, "What was your dream?"
"...I don't want to talk about it. You'll just make fun of me."
"What could be worse about you than you being talentless?" Komaeda scoffs, "Or, worse of all, working with Junko. I assure you, nothing could lower my opinion of you more."
Izuku is quiet. Then, "I wanted to be a hero," he whispers, hugging his knees to his chest. "Or maybe, the truth is, I just wanted to be useful. But not like this. Not like this."
Komaeda is quiet as Izuku starts to softly sob. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't laugh at him, either. And that, little as it is, is enough.
It is more than enough.
Izuku can't remember how it happened, really. What Junko said to reduce Komaeda into a shaking mess, wrapping his arms around himself as if to protect himself from her.
He thinks it was praise, actually. Thinks it was compliments that made Komaeda glow, until he froze, and started trembling. The realization that he would accept it from even her, this validation. This crude picture of love.
"What have you done to me…?" Komaeda trembled, and Junko embraced him.
(Yes, she has this effect on people, Izuku thought, watching the scene with careful eyes.)
"Nothing," she said soothingly. "I have done nothing to you but love you. I haven't hurt you. I haven't lifted a finger against you. It's your classmates that punished you, right? Sure, I may have instructed them. Sure, I may have insulted you. But only they have hurt you. Isn't that true?"
"At your order," Komaeda says shakily. "At your order."
"Yes, but would they really listen to me if they didn't want to do it already?" Junko asked. "You're so dumb, Nagito. You really are so foolish. But that's okay. I love you anyways." She cocked her head. "And isn't that what you've always wanted? Someone who accepts you completely, who could love someone as pitiful, as detestable as you? You won't get acceptance from anyone else. You know that, don't you? Even your beloved classmates turned on you with merely my word."
"It's not their fault," Komaeda shakily defends. "It's not their fault, you're the one who… you corrupted them. You-!"
"Isn't that their fault, though?" Izuku quietly spoke up, eyes canny. "If they lost to Junko, if they fell into despair, were they ever really hope in the first place…?"
Komaeda stills. Junko laughs, breathy. "Good boy, Izuku." Izuku flushed in embarrassment with that, shooting her a glare. "Come on, Nagito. Why can't you be a good boy like Izuku? You know I'll reward you."
"You," Komaeda said with a trembling breath. "Have brought me nothing but misery. I don't want anything to do with you."
"But if I'm despair, aren't I necessary?" Junko asks with a grin. "For hope to overcome despair, aren't I needed? Don't you want to help me? Feed this despair so a bigger and brighter hope is achieved?"
Komaeda is silent. Junko grins like she's won.
"Mark my words, Nagito. Soon you will be begging me to talk to you. I know it."
She grinned, once more, and gave forewarning. "And when that day comes… well, who's to say I won't decide you've kept me waiting too long? Better hurry, love."
"What will happen after you accepted him?"
"Well, I'll probably pull away. Stop getting his classmates to punish him too. Just as he starts to love me, I will pull it away from him."
"...Why?"
"So he's willing to lick my love off of knife edges."
"Junko," Komaeda said, rushing to greet her. "Junko!"
Junko looks at him, face blank. “I’m sorry, who are you again?”
Komaeda staggers as if he’s been stabbed. “Ah… Ah…” he says, “Even despair has forgotten trash like me…”
Izuku sighed. “Junko,” He said tiredly, “Stop pretending you don’t remember Komaeda-kun.”
Junko pouts. “I just said what would give him the most despair! I mean, isn’t this rivalry completely one sided? Doesn’t this seem ridiculous to you, Izu-chan? Trash like him really thinks he has any hope of beating me—no, trash like him has even the audacity to think someone like me could ever care about his petty, one sided emotions. Why should anything he feels matter to me? He’s meaningless.”
Komaeda makes an odd noise, wheezy with laughter. Izuku remained unimpressed.
“If you really don’t care about him, why are you concerning yourself with what will cause him the most despair?”
“Habit,” Junko dismissed, looking down at her nails. “I mean, he’s so insignificant, I don’t even really care what he feels.”
Somewhere during this talk, Komaeda has sunk down to the ground like he was physically injured.
Izuku sighed. “Don’t worry, Komaeda-kun,” He reassured, “I’m sure she’s just saying that to get under your skin. She wants you to suffer a lot, don’t worry.”
“No, no, he’s not even worth it, Izu-chan! He really is just a maggot under my foot. No one really cares for people lower then bugs, you know?”
“She’s just saying that to hurt you.” Izuku contradicted, “It means she cares.”
“I really do not care. What about this aren’t you getting?”
“Then why did you spend all this time recruiting him?”
“Eh, I just thought he was an easy mark,” Junko waves away carelessly, “And I mean, might as well get all the class, right? And I was right! He was hopelessly, pathetically easy. I just had to pretend I could ever care about someone like him, and he soaked it up like a sponge! Hey, isn’t that super pitiful, Izu-chan? He’s even worse than you!”
“...Thanks for that, Junko-oneesama. I still don’t believe you don’t care.”
“God, you’re so insufferable. Nagito Komaeda is just a meaningless, pathetic speck. The only way he could even contribute anything is by ruining everything. I mean, do you really think he could ever be on the side of Hope? Do anything for them? He’s so worthless he could only hope to be despair, and even then, he’s pisspoor at it.” She kicked him, hard. “Hey, ugly. You know that this is all you have, right? I mean, you’re so hopeless, any attempt to actually create hope would be tainted by you. You can only be despair.” She scoffs, “Hey, maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll at least be defeated by hope, yeah? And that will create more hope, or whatever nonsense you think. But I doubt you’ll even manage that, considering how worthless you are.”
“See?” Izuku said, “She gave a speech about how pathetic and hopeless you are, so she really does care, Komaeda-kun!”
“Ugh.” Junko groaned, “It’s just habit, Izuku!”
“But you even kicked him!”
“UGH.” Junko pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re the worst little brother ever. Now you’re making me feel despair.”
Izuku perked up, “That’s good, right? I did good?”
“Yeah, yeah, you little gremlin,” she patted his head affectionately, “You made me want to smear my brains against the wall. Good job!”
Izuku glowed with pride. It wasn’t often he got under Junko’s skin, after all.
Komaeda watched them awkwardly. “Um...” He paused, before he shook his head, “Thank you? Midoriya-kun.” He said, before he paused. “...I think.”
“You’re welcome!” Izuku beamed.
"Come on, don't be down, Komaeda! Junko-oneesama always insults people she likes. She insults me and Mukuro-neechan all the time. And her calling you Komaeda-kun, now—well, it's just to hurt you! She's pulling away to cause you despair, you know? Have some optimism!"
"'Have some optimism.'" Komaeda scoffs, and Izuku frowns.
"You know, you can still be hope… If you wanted to. You don't have to submit to her."
Something like distaste curled on Komaeda’s face. “Even if you say that, you’re still with her, aren’t you? You’re still despair.”
“I-I guess so…” Izuku muttered. “I don’t really think I’m despair itself—not like Junko-oneesama does—but… I’m not a good person. I haven’t been since I met her, probably,” He smiled, sardonically, “I’m just as awful. She’s corrupted me, like she corrupts everything. But—but, you haven’t fallen that far, have you?” Izuku asks, something desperate in his eyes, “Can’t I save you? Can’t I save just one person from her? Just run from her. Run from her. Run.”
Komaeda stares at him. “Ah. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t put your hope in me,” he says, smiling softly, “Just like you, I really am trash. Maybe it was always going to be this way… But I can at least be a stepping stone, even now!” He reassured, “I’m fine with that—I’m fine with being the despair that leads to hope.” His smile fell, and his eyes went distant. “As long as it leads to hope…”
“Didn’t you want to kill her?” He asks, desperate. “You can do it. With your luck, you might be able to-!”
“I already tried.” Izuku falters, as Komaeda laughed. “It didn’t work. She really is the Ultimate Analyst, you know? She predicted all my moves. Isn’t that amazing?” The praise sounded bitter.
Izuku deflated, a feeling of hopelessness welling up in him. “So it’s impossible…. I’ll never be free of her.” He laughed, a choked sound. “I’m so glad, yet—!”
Komaeda stabilized him as he tipped forward, giggling, giggling, giggling. “Thank god. I thought you really could kill her. Thank god. No. No no no no no I’ll always be trapped.” He breathed, heavily. “Why can’t you kill her? It would be better if you killed her.”
“Have you tried to kill her yourself?” Komaeda asks, something careful in his voice. Izuku’s head shot up, as he looked at him in horror.
“No!” He cried, “I’d rather die! I’d rather die, die, die, die! Junko can’t die!”
“She should.” Komaeda’s face darkened. “She should. You agree, don’t you? You don’t want her to die, but you know that she should.”
“You were my only hope,” Izuku said, despairing, “Why can’t you kill her?”
“....You shouldn’t place your hope into someone like me.”
“Can you kill me?” Izuku breathed, lifting his head up to stare at him, something desperate in his veins. “Komaeda-kun. Komaeda-kun. I’m despair, right? So you can kill me. Right?”
Komaeda hesitated.
“Ah… Ahahaha… I really should.” He started to giggle, “I really should. I could kill you right now. I still have the gun. Would you like that, Izuku? One less despair would be in the world. It would be better. It would be better.”
“Komaeda-kun. Komaeda-kun. Komaeda-kun.” Izuku leaned into him, grabbing his wrists tight enough to bruise. “You can do it, can’t you? I can’t. I can’t. Junko-oneesama ordered me not to, so I can’t. I can’t. But you can. She didn’t order you. You can, can’t you? Can’t you?”
“When did she do that?”
“When I was twelve. She—stopped me. She always stops me. And then—and then she… It’s awful. It’s awful, Komaeda-kun. Can’t you do it? Please.” He laughs, again. “I stopped struggling when I was twelve. It was hopeless once I was twelve. Please. She might not catch you. You have luck, don’t you? Don’t you?”
Slowly, Komaeda nodded. He reached into his jacket, and brought out a gun. Izuku’s breath caught as he put it to his forehead.
His cheeks were wet; he didn’t know when he started crying. He leaned forward, eyes fluttering close. “Finally,” he whispered, “Finally, finally, finally.”
He couldn’t help smiling. “Th-Thank you.” The gun started to tremble, but that was probably expected. “Thank you, Koma-nii.”
The gun withdrew from his head so fast, he almost didn’t realize it. His eyes open in confusion, brows furrowing. In front of him, Komaeda shakes.
“Koma-ni—Komaeda-kun?”
“Ah… Aha… Ahahahahahaha…” Komaeda laughs wheezily. “How pathetic. How pathetic. I can’t even kill one despair. It should be easy. It should be so easy. How pathetic!”
“Komaeda-kun? Komaeda-kun?” Izuku echoes uncomprehending. “Why…”
With trembling hands, Komaeda puts the gun away.
Izuku’s stomach drops. “No… No, no, no, no, you can’t. You said you could do it. You said.”
Komaeda doesn’t say anything.
“You said!” Izuku’s face twisted, “Coward! Coward! You fucking coward! You said you could do it! You said you could do it, Koma-nii!”
“....Well, I am trash. You should expect to be disappointed.”
Izuku hits his chest with a wordless snarl, before a wave of exhaustion crashes down upon him. A sob he couldn’t fight worked its way through his throat, as he sagged. Slowly, hesitantly, Komaeda wrapped his arms around him, patting his head awkwardly.
“I’ll never forgive you for this,” Izuku sobbed into his chest, “I’ll never, never, never, never. For as long as I live, I will never forgive you for this, Koma-nii.”
Komaeda continued to pat his head. "I know," he said, and he sounded kind of sad. "I know, Izuku. I wouldn't forgive me either."
Izuku just continued to sob.